hey there,

Today's episode has been requested by a dear friend.

Explore your own relationships and friendships that you have in your life and see if you are relating to each other in a healthy way.

Are your boundaries being respected? Do you respect others relationships? Can you be yourself and express yourself freely?

This topic is extremely dear to me as it reveals toxic dynamics that are draining you and making your life difficult without you even noticing it.

with love always,

Aurora

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Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter become the strongest most authentic version of yourself.

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Hello, hello, and

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welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

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today. I hope you're doing well, I hope you're in a good place.

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And if not, I hope I can lift you up, make you feel good about

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yourself, and help you to move on to whatever problems you are

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faced with at the moment. Today, I want to talk about your

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mother. I remember when I was in grade nine or 10, there were

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mother jokes out there. And I always thought they were very

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funny and can stop giggling, thinking of some of those jokes.

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But this episode today is not going to be about mother jokes.

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It is about your relationship with your mother. I received a

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message from a dear listener, a dear friend the other day. And

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he was explaining to me that his mom is sick. And he has to take

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care of her. He lives with her. And that he keeps getting very,

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very angry. He then apologizes. And then his mom forgives him.

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But yeah, this situation is very tough and emotionally draining.

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And additionally to that he tells me that no woman wants to

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stay with him in a relationship. He keeps meeting people. But

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yeah, it doesn't seem to be working out. They leave him and

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he is. Yeah, very sad about this very desperate to meet someone

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and maybe get married even one day. So I decided to make an

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episode for him. And please know whenever there's something that

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bugs you that is weighing heavily on your heart, shoot me

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a message on Facebook or Instagram. And I will try and

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produce an episode for you. And I know in doing so, we can also

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help other people who might be struggling with similar

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problems. If you haven't already, please subscribe to

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this podcast. And if you feel very generous today, give me a

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five star review on Apple podcast, it would mean so much

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to me. Alright, let's dive in your mother. And don't get me

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wrong if your mother has passed or if you were adopted, your

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primary caregiver is the first source of love that you

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experience your mom gives birth to you or adopt to or is there

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for you. And this is basically your blueprint for love. She

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gives you food, she nurtures you with love. She teaches you

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things. And she is there for you in emotional distress. This is

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the ideal mother. I'm very aware of this. I'm very aware that

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there's some people out there who grow up with a primary

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caregiver with a mother that is not able to provide all these

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things, because maybe she hasn't received it herself when she was

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little. But let's assume that you were given pretty much

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everything you need from her when you were little and when

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you were growing up. If it happens, that your mom is maybe

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left by her husband by her father, by your father, and you

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live alone with her. It is tough on you as a child on many many

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level because first of all kids usually feel

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hurt How do you say they feel in charge of taking care of the

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emotional well being of the mother or of the Father, when

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the mother left the house, they are starting to be caught in a

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role that a child is not meant to play, they tried to replace

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the partner, they are there for the mother, in this case, on an

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emotional level. And sometimes the mother doesn't see that it

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is not the child's responsibility to be their

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caregiver. The mother needs to seek out counseling,

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physiotherapists, if she is physically enabled, or friends

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and relatives, but her child should be protected from the

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misery of the man. For some people, that might sound very

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cruel, because you think well, but it's my mom, and I want her

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to be happy, and I'm so grateful for everything that she has done

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for me. But you have to understand that there are

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boundaries that need to be set. In order for both people, not

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only the child, but also the mother, to live a healthy life,

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your mom cannot depend on you. Because if she does, she will

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take the place that emotional energy from you, that is needed

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to create a healthy relationship with another, in this case,

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another woman. So it is just crystal clear to me that

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whenever my friend is meeting a girl, and they get along well,

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but she realizes that all his emotional energy, all his mental

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energy, all his physical energy maybe is going into his mother,

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that she doesn't have a place in his life. And that makes people

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vanish that makes people run away. Sometimes even it doesn't

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make them bad people. It just makes them people who are very

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aware of what they want a need in life. And they don't want to

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put up with competition, for instance, very strong

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competition, you have to see on a physical level, if you live

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with your mama, and care for her all day long, and emotional

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level energetical level, you are not making space for a new

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partner. So all this to say is that I want to bring the power

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back to you, you have the power in your hands to make wise

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decisions in the future. It is not bad women that you keep

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meeting, it is women that are aware of this phenomenon, and

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they want nothing to do with it. They want to meet you as an

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individual and not as the son of your mother. I recommend to look

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up code dependency as well, I will put it in the show notes.

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And have a little bit of a read there because it is very

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important to know which boundaries you can set. And if

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blamed, you know if guilt tripped if being called selfish,

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then you are being given tools on how to stand up for yourself.

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Because that's the trickiest part about independent

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codependency is that when you seek independency, the person

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that is dependent on you and you on them will not like the

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change. They will feel you abandon them. you reject them.

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You're being selfish. And I know this all too well because I've

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gone through this many, many times in my life. And it is a

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very tough situation to be in. But setting boundaries in this

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case is really the only way out in order for you to have healthy

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relationships

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with other people. Yes, your mom gave you birth. Yes, your mom

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was there for you in the first years of your life, but you are

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supposed to be on this planet to pursue your life and your

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happiness without rejecting her. Okay. Adding her out of your

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life, but without being totally emotionally and mentally

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dependent on her. It is a really tough situation to be in, I

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understand this. But it is a situation that will make you

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feel so good about yourself. Once you reach balance, once you

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are standing on your own to feed, and make the decisions for

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yourself, that are good for you. And you will see your

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relationships will change, your sense of self will change, it is

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no longer dependent on how your mother feels is she having a bad

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day, or then you have to be a servant, and you have to be

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accommodating and appeasing. And maybe even the clown know, the

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way your mom feels is her responsibility. And she has to

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seek help from other people, you can help her to find other

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people. And you can set boundaries in a very gentle way.

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Right, you don't have to go see her now and throw everything at

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her head that I just told you, you can do it in a very gentle

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and graceful way. And slowly remove yourself over time out of

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that situation. Another very important point, because now I

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just talked about your happiness and dependency is that your mom,

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as soon as you remove yourself a little bit, your mom will have

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to reach out to other people and be responsible of her health.

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And usually, people get healthier, they don't totally

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heal, some do. But they get healthier because all of a

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sudden, they are fully responsible for themselves. They

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reach out to other people who are not going to fall into the

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codependency game. And again, to make space for novelty

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themselves. Because if you keep watering your neighbor's garden,

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they will soon Leanback drink their cup of coffee and go about

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something else in their life and you will end up having to water

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to gardens. As soon as you remove your garden hose out of

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your neighbor's garden, your neighbor has to start watering

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his garden again. And your relationship can be healthy

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again, you don't feel resentful towards him because you're doing

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him a favor. And he's not really appreciated. And this is where

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I'm strongly certain my friends deep anger and resentment comes

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from because he can feel that there is an imbalance he can

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feel that he cannot take enough care of himself and his life and

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his future. And this is why there will be nasty fights,

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ongoing fights and then reconciliation and forgiveness.

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It's going to be like a cycle, a vicious cycle until he decides

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to take really good care of himself. I hope this all made

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sense. I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions,

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please reach out to me. Let's have a talk. If you have any

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requests for new episodes, shoot me a message. And don't forget,

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forget to give me a rating on Apple podcast. If you need a one

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on one meditation, or a little bit of a Aurora boost, you can

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sign up on my Patreon and we can have regular meetings maybe once

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a month where I check in with you and give you tools on how to

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unplug yourself from the situation you don't want to be

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in anymore. I'm sending my love out to you. I will be out there

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very soon again.