Shownotes
Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.
- Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
- Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk
Today, we’re diving deep into gratitude and how it can seriously boost our happiness. I kick things off by admitting I wasn’t really feeling up to it, but that’s life, right? It’s not always about the good vibes; sometimes we just have to push through. I share how gratitude has helped me through rough patches, especially with the support of those around me. We explore how appreciating what we have—rather than what we lack—can lead to a more peaceful and content life. So, let’s get into it and see how we can practice gratitude daily!
Gratitude plays a central role in our lives, and today we dive deep into that topic. I started off feeling a bit off, honestly not wanting to record this podcast. But I pushed through because I know how important it is to share thoughts that might help us find peace. Gratitude is something that has made me happier than any other practice. It has often been asked why I seem so positive, and I have to admit, I'm not always positive. The outside doesn't reflect the inside all the time. But what really helps me is focusing on gratitude, especially on tough days. I shared a tough morning I had and how grateful I was for the caregivers who helped me, even when they weren’t particularly thrilled about it. Their support reminded me of the importance of appreciating those around us.
The episode goes on to discuss what the Buddha said about gratitude. To achieve happiness, we need to appreciate what we have rather than dwell on what we lack. I reflect on how this perspective shifts our mindset. Instead of desiring what we don’t have, we can find joy in being thankful for our current state. This could lead us to a more content life instead of constantly chasing after more. I urge listeners to consider how feeling content is different from seeking happiness as a destination.
I encourage everyone to take a moment to think about what contentment feels like. It’s essential to realize we often have everything we need in this moment. The more we practice gratitude, the more we can transform our perspective on life. I wrapped up with a gratitude exercise that involves recognizing the intricate web of contributions that go into our daily comforts. The more we acknowledge these connections, the deeper our gratitude can grow.
This practice of appreciating everything, even the struggles, can truly change how we experience life. It’s about being thankful not just for the good, but for everything that shapes us. So, let's cultivate this gratitude together and see how it changes our outlook on life.
Takeaways:
- The episode emphasizes that gratitude can significantly enhance our overall happiness and peace of mind.
- We often overlook the significance of small things and how they contribute to our daily comfort and happiness, like a cup of coffee.
- The speaker reflects on how our struggles can teach us vital lessons and shape who we are as individuals.
- Practicing gratitude daily can shift our perspective from wanting more to appreciating what we already have.
- The speaker shares that even difficult moments can lead to growth and understanding, encouraging us to appreciate all experiences.
- Gratitude is not just about thankfulness, but about recognizing the depth and complexity of everything we receive in life.
Transcripts
I really don't want to do today's show.
Speaker A:I don't want to be here recording a podcast.
Speaker A:I don't feel like it.
Speaker A:But let's get on with today's show.
Speaker A:I'm Stephen Webb and this is Stillness in the Storms.
Speaker A:And hopefully the show will give you a different perspective on life, to give you a little more inner peace.
Speaker A:Today I'm talking about gratitude.
Speaker A:The one thing I think that makes me happier than anything.
Speaker A:El I often get asked the question, why are you so positive?
Speaker A:Why are you always seem to be so happy?
Speaker A:And I first of all say, no, I'm not.
Speaker A:I'm not always positive.
Speaker A:That's certainly for sure.
Speaker A:I'm not always happy.
Speaker A:What's going on the outside is not always what's going on the inside.
Speaker A:But I think what's really important is why what I do, what my practices are, that does make me feel a little happier.
Speaker A:And I wouldn't say they're actually practices.
Speaker A:I would say they're what I do with my mind when things start creeping up like today.
Speaker A:This morning was a pretty rough morning.
Speaker A:Had to go back on the bed several times.
Speaker A:The poor carers had to do all kinds of things to sort me out and everything like that.
Speaker A:It's just lucky there was two of them this morning.
Speaker A:And yeah, it was rough for them, but I was really grateful for them, what they were doing and what they were helping me with.
Speaker A:And I was really appreciating that they didn't want to be there and they didn't want to be doing that either.
Speaker A:And I'm sure they appreciate the fact that it's their job and things like that, but that's not the point, you know what I mean?
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:What did the Buddha say about gratitude?
Speaker A:I always like to look up what the Buddha said, you know that one of the really wise people.
Speaker A:And when I say the Buddha, we're all Buddhas, we all have Buddha mind.
Speaker A:What I'm talking about is the six Buddha, Siddhartha, Gautama, the one that went around teaching the world, the one that found the four Noble Truths, the one that seemed to leave some wisdom behind that we're still trying to get to grips with nowadays.
Speaker A:You know, you should be by a time where reasonable age, we should all be living these things anyway.
Speaker A:But yeah, we're still.
Speaker A:I often think if he come back now and he would look around and go, really?
Speaker A:I left you those simple to do list, like a to do list of like five or 10 things or the Eightfold path, like 3,000 years ago, and you still haven't got to grip to it yet.
Speaker A:It's like, yeah, well, you haven't seen my to do list that still isn't done from last week, last month, last year.
Speaker A:But anyway, what did the Buddha say about gratitude?
Speaker A:The Buddha said gratitude is the key ingredient in the path of enlightenment.
Speaker A:He said that in order to achieve true happiness, we must learn to be grateful for what we have rather than resentful for what we don't have.
Speaker A:The Buddha believed that gratitude can bring us closer to contentment and the peace that comes with it.
Speaker A:And I think there's a couple of really key ingredients there.
Speaker A:He says about being grateful for what we have.
Speaker A:We all understand that concept.
Speaker A:You know, if you're grateful for what you have, you don't want things, you don't desire things, you're a lot happier.
Speaker A:You're not resentful that other people have got something that you don't have.
Speaker A:And he also mentions that rather than be resentful for what we don't have.
Speaker A:So when you're desiring something and wanting something that's actually been resentful, unless you can desire in a way that you can desire it, but you don't need it.
Speaker A:You know, desire and need are two different things.
Speaker A:You know, I have lots of desires, but it doesn't mean I'm going to act upon them, doesn't mean I need them in order to be happy.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And desire leads to pain, leads to attachment.
Speaker A:It leads to more suffering.
Speaker A:And the Buddha believed that gratitude brings us closer to contentment.
Speaker A:We often look at happiness as a place to get to, whereas contentment is, I'm content.
Speaker A:You know, if I look at something around me, I got a cup on the side, and that cup's just sat there being a cup, that cup is currently content.
Speaker A:Doesn't want for anything, doesn't need for anything.
Speaker A:It doesn't want to be something different.
Speaker A:It's just a cup.
Speaker A:Then if you sit there and just be a cup or be a human, just sit there and have desires, have thoughts, have feelings, have emotions, but don't do anything with them because you're just human.
Speaker A:And that's what it means to be human.
Speaker A:And in this moment, you can just be content.
Speaker A:Just try it for a moment.
Speaker A:What does contentment feel like?
Speaker A:What does contentment feel like to you?
Speaker A:Just close your eyes for a moment.
Speaker A:Unless you're driving, don't close your eyes.
Speaker A:If you're driving, that's really a warning.
Speaker A:But if you're able to close your eyes for a moment, or if you're able to, even if you're driving out, just what does contentment feel like to you?
Speaker A:What does that word mean to you?
Speaker A:You have everything you need right now.
Speaker A:You have air, you have your health, relatively, in this moment.
Speaker A:You have everything you need right now in this moment.
Speaker A:Because if you're missing some of those vital things, you probably shouldn't be listening to a podcast.
Speaker A:So in this moment, I'm going to presume that you have everything you need in this moment to be content.
Speaker A:And whatever comes up in this moment, you don't have to do anything with.
Speaker A:What a concept that is.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:It's like, well, I can have a thought and I don't have to do anything with it.
Speaker A:Yeah, try it.
Speaker A:That's like.
Speaker A:That's like mind blowing how much that simple concept can change your life.
Speaker A:And I say this on every podcast, I probably say at least once, if you take one concept away with you, take this one away, if you have a thought or a feeling, remember, you don't have to do anything with it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You don't have to even acknowledge it.
Speaker A:Just like a leaf floating down in the river, you could just notice the leaf.
Speaker A:You don't have to take it out, you don't have to dry it off, you don't have to do anything with it.
Speaker A:You don't have to take a picture of it.
Speaker A:You don't even have to acknowledge it's a leaf.
Speaker A:You can just see it and watch it.
Speaker A:How much happier does that make you feel?
Speaker A:Just been content that you don't have to do anything with it?
Speaker A:The problem is we live in such a society now that anything comes up, we think we have to do something with it.
Speaker A:We think we have to do something with everything.
Speaker A:Now, I know that because whenever I go across town in my role at the moment as mayor, someone will stop me and someone will go, do you know what?
Speaker A:There's something needs sorting out and I've got a bone to pick with someone.
Speaker A:I've got this, that, and the other.
Speaker A:Very often a lot of people just want to have a moan when I say, well, look, can I take your number?
Speaker A:Can I do something about it?
Speaker A:They go, no, I'm not that worried.
Speaker A:I just wanted to tell someone.
Speaker A:And there instantly, that feeling of it's sorted is done.
Speaker A:I was still trying to work out with the people that or the things I need to do something with or not need to do something with.
Speaker A:If your fire alarm goes, that's something you need to do something.
Speaker A:With work out the difference, but yet we give our thoughts importance.
Speaker A:We give our feelings importance.
Speaker A:You know, you don't have to do something with it.
Speaker A:But going back to gratitude, you know, I don't know who said this, but gratitude turns what you have into enough.
Speaker A:You've got enough in this moment.
Speaker A:Nothing more needed in this moment.
Speaker A:Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive.
Speaker A:Oprah Winfrey.
Speaker A:Boy, that last sentence.
Speaker A:And acknowledging everything that you receive.
Speaker A:Now, I cannot speak for Oprah Winfrey, but she had a pretty terrible, damning childhood.
Speaker A:She didn't have an easy adulthood.
Speaker A:And if anybody's ever read Oprah's story, it's pretty horrendous.
Speaker A:But you know what?
Speaker A:She appreciates it.
Speaker A:And she has a deep gratitude for the life she's had.
Speaker A:And it's the same as me.
Speaker A:I. I've got to the point where not always I've got to sit down and meditate on it.
Speaker A:Sometimes I gotta take a step back and look at it.
Speaker A:But a lot of the time when I have a really bad time, when I look back on my life and think, that was terrible what happened to me.
Speaker A:And I take a deep breath and I think, do you know what?
Speaker A:I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for that.
Speaker A:You know, when you look at the scars on your body, when you look at the scars on your soul and your shadows and everything that gets triggered when things go wrong, would you be who you are today without all those things?
Speaker A:You wouldn't choose them.
Speaker A:You wouldn't want them.
Speaker A:Don't get me wrong, you wouldn't wish for a tough childhood on anybody.
Speaker A:But you know what?
Speaker A:The people that are doing really well as humans, as adults are the ones that have had the toughest childhood.
Speaker A:Not always.
Speaker A:There's always an exception.
Speaker A:But in general, we're not talking about things like this.
Speaker A:I'm talking about the general going.
Speaker A:When you line up 100 people and you look at the ones that are really.
Speaker A:I'm not saying the most successful, the most money, or the most stairs they've climbed or anything like that, but I'm talking about the ones that have done the most work, whether it's in the gym to run 100 meters quicker or whether it's the most toughest times to be able to help the most people, they've normally been through the most.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's a choice, sometimes it's not.
Speaker A:So if we learn to.
Speaker A:Whatever comes up, love that, whatever comes up, appreciate that.
Speaker A:And I think that's what Oprah Winfrey is saying there is acknowledging everything that you receive.
Speaker A:How do you know?
Speaker A:And I ask people this often when they say, you know, I'm having a really bad day.
Speaker A:And I say, well, how do you know the universe isn't giving you this day to teach you something that you need later on?
Speaker A:Now, I don't believe in fate.
Speaker A:I don't believe in the universe is any kind of karma calculating.
Speaker A:I don't believe there's some room somewhere in the universe with 10 million animals or bugs or humans or something like that typing into typewriters, all the scores of everybody keeping their karmic score on everybody.
Speaker A:And they've got high karma, they've got local.
Speaker A:I don't believe any of that for a minute.
Speaker A:However, this way above my.
Speaker A:I don't know what the universe is up to.
Speaker A:Who knows, Maybe I had to have this life.
Speaker A:Maybe from the Buddha sense where we're reincarnated, maybe this is the one life I needed before.
Speaker A:Maybe this was the life I chose.
Speaker A:There's a really good question that says, you know, you're just about to be born, you're put down on this earth again for another time.
Speaker A:You got three choices.
Speaker A:I'm going to butcher this one, but I think you have three choices.
Speaker A:You can have a really easy life and you'll just sail through it, but you won't learn nothing.
Speaker A:You have a really, really tough, horrible life, but you'll learn loads.
Speaker A:But it won't be easy.
Speaker A:Or you have a relatively normal life, but you won't really learn much, you won't really experience much.
Speaker A:Which one would you choose?
Speaker A:It's interesting, perhaps you've had the other two and they didn't work.
Speaker A:Because I know people that have had.
Speaker A:And this is all relative.
Speaker A:Let me point this out.
Speaker A:Everybody has a relatively tough life compared to the muscle they are built.
Speaker A:And I'm talking about muscle, not just physical muscle.
Speaker A:I'm talking about mental and emotional strength and things like that.
Speaker A:Everybody that I know has a relative life to what they built up.
Speaker A:So before I say this, bear that in mind.
Speaker A:But I do know people that have had a lesser, less of a tougher life than others.
Speaker A:And when something goes wrong, boy does it spin them out.
Speaker A:And other people look at them and go that.
Speaker A:That losing the plot, that they totally spun them out because that they've got a relatively comfortable, stable life that may not be relatively cumberland unstable to them, but to others it may look like that.
Speaker A:And to others, literally the world can hand them the worst possible of Days again and again.
Speaker A:And it can literally slam them down.
Speaker A:And they're like.
Speaker A:A good analogy is they're on a three dual car, three road motorway and they're on the middle one.
Speaker A:They stand up and the car runs them down.
Speaker A:They stand up, the car runs them down, they stand up and they get onto another lane and lorry runs them down.
Speaker A:And the analogy is, do you know what?
Speaker A:Keep knocking me down because I'm ready and I can handle it.
Speaker A:And there's nothing you can do to me because do you know what?
Speaker A:I've been knocked down that many times.
Speaker A:You cannot do any more to me.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And there's other people that literally, they just get knocked slightly off their feet and say, that's it, I'm done.
Speaker A:I cannot do life anymore.
Speaker A:And, you know, I'm not saying anyone's any better than the other.
Speaker A:It's relative to them.
Speaker A:Let's be straight on that one.
Speaker A:But it's really interesting.
Speaker A:It's really interesting.
Speaker A:So appreciate what comes up.
Speaker A:I think that's where gratitude comes from.
Speaker A:Be thankful for the things you like.
Speaker A:Thank you for the present, thank you for the nice day.
Speaker A:Thank you for the.
Speaker A:But gratitude is being grateful for everything.
Speaker A:From a deeper sense.
Speaker A:It's a practice.
Speaker A:And be grateful for everything around you, your friends and everybody that's there for you.
Speaker A:And this is where gratitude and depth comes in.
Speaker A:You know, when I come down in the morning, I don't come down, okay, I sleep downstairs.
Speaker A:I, you know, paralyzed.
Speaker A:I'm upstairs.
Speaker A:I live in the same house I lived in when I was moved in here when I was 12 years old and I got my old bedroom upstairs.
Speaker A:I was there till I was about 18 and I broke my neck and they built an extension on the back.
Speaker A:But I haven't been in my bedroom upstairs since I was like, I don't know, 17, 18.
Speaker A:And I remember the very last Sunday.
Speaker A:I've done a podcast on this no Ordinary Day.
Speaker A:It's called.
Speaker A:And if you look back through my podcast, it was 20, 30 podcasts ago, no Ordinary Day.
Speaker A:And I talked you through the last day I had that I got out of bed in that bedroom upstairs.
Speaker A:I just went through an ordinary day and ended up paralyzed at the end of the day.
Speaker A:I had no idea it was going to happen.
Speaker A:It was a podcast that was played on the BBC radio.
Speaker A:It went down that well.
Speaker A:So anyway, I digress.
Speaker A:But even that day I'm grateful for now.
Speaker A:I don't know if the alternative was better.
Speaker A:We don't like to be grateful for bad times.
Speaker A:Because we think the alternative is better.
Speaker A:If I wasn't having this bad time, I'd be having a better time.
Speaker A:No, not necessarily.
Speaker A:You could be having a terrible time.
Speaker A:You know, if it wasn't raining and you're sodden through and it's freezing cold, you could be having a lot worse time than that.
Speaker A:Trust me.
Speaker A:It may not be.
Speaker A:The alternative is sunny.
Speaker A:You know, that's the reality of things.
Speaker A:I'm slightly going off the topic of.
Speaker A:Well, no, I am on the topic of gratitude, because this is all about gratitude.
Speaker A:You want to be happier, you want more peace, and like the Buddha say, contentment.
Speaker A:Be grateful for everything that's currently coming up.
Speaker A:Everything.
Speaker A:Even the bad days.
Speaker A:Love that as well, because you don't know the difference.
Speaker A:Otherwise, I'm going to give you a perfect example.
Speaker A:How do you know that stuff tastes nice if you haven't never tried stuff that tasted horrible?
Speaker A:How do we know that the sun is nice and we enjoy the summer, rather winter?
Speaker A:If every single day was the same weather and it never changed and that just happened to work, we didn't have seasons and we didn't have all those things, we would literally just.
Speaker A:We would never talk about it.
Speaker A:We'd never go, nice weather.
Speaker A:That conversation would never even happen because you'd never talk about it.
Speaker A:You know, you very rarely talk about.
Speaker A:I'm trying to think of an example now that doesn't change.
Speaker A:Yeah, I cannot think of one thing.
Speaker A:If you think of one message me of an example of something that doesn't change.
Speaker A:I had a piece of white paper in my mind.
Speaker A:You never go, oh, that's an extremely white piece of paper.
Speaker A:But anyway, let's get back to gratitude.
Speaker A:I said I wasn't in the right frame of mind for a podcast today.
Speaker A:I cannot even focus on one thing that doesn't matter.
Speaker A:You're here.
Speaker A:Oh, I totally forgot to say thank you to Laura for buying me a coffee.
Speaker A:Twenty minutes into the podcast.
Speaker A:I haven't said thank you.
Speaker A:Thank you, Laura for a coffee this week.
Speaker A:And if anybody wants to drink mixture of coffee or you want to download the Five Simple Practices for Inner Peace, head over to stevenweb.uk that's spelled with a V S T E V E N w e b b.uk the link is under the podcast.
Speaker A:Anyway, we're going back to gratitude.
Speaker A:So you get out of bed, you come downstairs and you put on the kettle and it clicks and it boils the water and we pour our coffee in, we pour our milk in and we go and sit down, we have that lovely cup of coffee in the morning.
Speaker A:Do you ever sit there and go, do you know what?
Speaker A:If it wasn't for the farmer and the cow, if it wasn't for the guys getting out of bed this morning and going and working at the power plants, if it wasn't for the, I don't know, tens of thousands of people that invented the electric, invented the farming process, invented the kettle and everything like that, then you wouldn't have had your coffee so easily.
Speaker A:We take it for granted, don't we?
Speaker A:You look at how many things had to align to get you your coffee in the morning.
Speaker A:Now, if you do this one practice, you got two of them from this podcast.
Speaker A:If you do this one thing every morning with gratitude, this is a good gratitude exercise.
Speaker A:Pick one thing when you get out of bed tomorrow morning and think of everything that come into play in order to have that comfort, have that coffee or have that car start.
Speaker A:And when you start to look into it, you'll really see how deep gratitude does.
Speaker A:And you'll probably feel quite overwhelmed to begin with.
Speaker A:It'll really start overwhelming you and your body and everything like that.
Speaker A:Because when you start to realize how much stuff has to align just to give you your coffee, just to start that engine in the morning, just to get you to work.
Speaker A:Problem is, when it goes wrong, we complained.
Speaker A:When the train doesn't turn up, we complained.
Speaker A:Don't get me wrong, you probably should.
Speaker A:That's a bad subject in the UK at the moment.
Speaker A:But when the kettle doesn't work or when the choir doesn't start, we can't believe this.
Speaker A:It always happens to me.
Speaker A:Bloody kettle.
Speaker A:Wait a minute.
Speaker A:It's worked for two years to 700 days or so on the regular mass, and it never missed a beat and you're complaining?
Speaker A:Imagine how that kettle feels.
Speaker A:If kettles could have feelings, that should be there.
Speaker A:That should be the title of this podcast.
Speaker A:If Kettles could have Feelings.
Speaker A:That's what it's going to be, deep gratitude.
Speaker A:If kettles could have feelings.
Speaker A:Yes, I thought, I like that.
Speaker A:Give me a.
Speaker A:Give me a high five.
Speaker A:Anyway, get mine too.
Speaker A:So I'm feeling better.
Speaker A:I'm just being grateful for my life.
Speaker A:I'm being grateful for thinking about everything that comes into play to give me my life right now.
Speaker A:And I'm just feeling better just to record this podcast.
Speaker A:I've got a microphone, I got a computer, I got all these things.
Speaker A:It all lines up, all these people that invented all this stuff for me to be able to record something, to send it over to you.
Speaker A:So you can go to a website and you can download my five simple practices for inner peace.
Speaker A:You know, gratitude.
Speaker A:And when someone treats me to a coffee, I feel deeply grateful because it feels like I'm making a difference and helping.
Speaker A:And it helps me to do the editing so I don't have to do it all by myself.
Speaker A:It means I can.
Speaker A:If five of you donate, it means that month I or that podcast, I can outsource my editing, which saves me a lot of time.
Speaker A:It saves me a lot of time.
Speaker A:So gratefulness has got a depth.
Speaker A:And I'm going to leave it there for today.
Speaker A:I've done over 25 minutes.
Speaker A:I'm going to totally leave it there.
Speaker A:Gratefulness has a depth.
Speaker A:And when you sit down and that practice in the morning, just look at the depth of something.
Speaker A:Take your pillow.
Speaker A:The depth of that pillow is way deeper than you think.
Speaker A:How did that pillow get there?
Speaker A:Who invented the pillow?
Speaker A:What is in the pillow?
Speaker A:What is it made of?
Speaker A:The cotton in the fields that grew it.
Speaker A:All those things.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker A:The place you bought it from, the person that turned up for work to sell it to you on the till.
Speaker A:Just go crazy of how deep these things are.
Speaker A:And you know what?
Speaker A:You'll feel better.
Speaker A:Your whole life will change.
Speaker A:Just simply remembering two things.
Speaker A:A, you don't have to do anything with a thought unless you choose to.
Speaker A:So choose to get on the positive, nice ones.
Speaker A:Choose to do nothing with the ones you don't want, and you'll retrain your brain, retrain your mind, and then choose to have depth of gratitude.
Speaker A:And if you practice it on just one item every morning, sooner or later you'll.
Speaker A:Sooner or later someone will come up to you and go, oh, I can't believe what happened to me.
Speaker A:All the traffic lights are red.
Speaker A:And you'll go, yeah, perhaps that saved your life.
Speaker A:Who do you know?
Speaker A:How do you know that if the traffic light wasn't red, you might have had an accident 100 yards on?
Speaker A:So you'll become that person that turns all these negative feelings into a positive, and you'll be like, oh, my God, I practice deep gratitude and my life so much better.
Speaker A:Let me know how this goes.
Speaker A:I love you guys.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:And thank you for your emails.
Speaker A:I've got two or three emails I have to respond to where you shared your story with me and you shared what a difference these podcasts make and makes a huge difference in me.
Speaker A:I'm deeply grateful for you reaching out to me.
Speaker A:You can do that via my website.
Speaker A:I don't know if I mentioned it yet, but it's stevenweb.uk take care.
Speaker A:Have an amazing week.
Speaker A:Bye.
