Welcome back to another episode of Man vs Marriage.

If you’re sitting there asking yourself, “Is it really possible for me to change?” — I hear you loud and clear. Because I used to be you.

I started a thousand times, deep down knowing I couldn’t change because I didn’t have the tools and I didn’t have an example of what was actually possible… until I did.

I was an emotional mess, an emotional eater, a nice guy with a temper, a people pleaser trapped in obesity, living lies I didn’t even know I was believing.

Today I’m showing you that real change is possible — because I’m living proof. The truth I’ve learned and will say over and over is this: Who you are isn’t who you have to be.

In this episode I share my personal testimony, the difference between a told story and a testimony, how to identify and pull up the hidden lies that hold you back, and simple KISS reps to start becoming the new man today.

Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome & Intro 02:52 – Opening Monologue: “Is it really possible for me to change?” 03:21 – My Personal Testimony (Emotional mess, obesity, people pleaser) 03:40 – Ed Mylett Quote & “Who you are isn’t who you have to be” 05:01 – Welcome Back + Why This Episode Matters 06:19 – Testimony vs Told Story (The Game Changer) 10:03 – The Hidden Lies That Hold You Back 12:18 – My Childhood Story (Divorce at 5 years old & the lie “I don’t matter”) 15:27 – The Book That Set Me Free (Julia Gentry – Dream – I Dare You) – https://thejuliagentry.com/product/dream-book/ 19:03 – How to Pull Up the Lies by the Root 22:25 – Becoming the New Man: Ownership & Evaluation 24:52 – Listen to Your Quiet Dialogue 26:38 – You Don’t Trust Yourself Yet – Internal Governance 28:08 – Practical Reps: Decide, Believe, Evaluate, Build Trust 29:57 – Call to Action + Becoming Family Famous 32:28 – Final Encouragement & Galatians 6:9-10

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another man who needs to hear it.

Visit www.quincymoran.com to explore the full “Where Do I Start?” series, sign up for updates, and get more practical tools for marriage and leadership.

Contact me directly: quincy@mvsmpodcast.com

personal change, is it possible to change, who you are isn’t who you have to be, personal responsibility, transformation, limiting beliefs, testimony vs story, Quincy Moran, Man vs Marriage

All right.

I set out to change that real quick.

Minimal.

That's better.

Okay.

So I got this.

you

I thought that was...

That was supposed to make me bigger.

I'll take that one.

Okay.

Here we go.

Is it really possible for me to change?

Man versus marriage, this title.

Very excited to do the show.

In three, two, one.

If you're sitting there asking yourself

the question,

Is it really possible for me to change?

I hear you loud and clear.

Why?

Because I used to be you.

I started a thousand times and deep down,

I knew I couldn't change because I didn't

have the tools.

I didn't have an example of what was

actually possible until I did.

I was an emotional mess,

an emotional eater.

was a nice guy,

but I had a temper.

I was quite the people pleaser.

I was trapped in obesity.

I was living lies I did not even

know I was believing.

And here's what I love.

Ed Milet says this.

He says it so well.

You are most equipped to help the man

you used to be.

So today,

I'm going to show you that real change

is possible.

Because I'm living proof.

The truth that I've learned,

and I will say it over and over

again, is this.

Who you are is not who you have

to be.

I'm a living testimony of that.

So we will get right into it.

Right after this, you know who I am.

I'm Q Dow.

Quincy Moran.

And this is Man Vs. Marriage, the podcast.

Welcome back to another episode of Man Vs.

Marriage.

It is I, your humble servant,

Quincy Moran, aka,

you see it right there if you're watching

the program, the Q-Dog.

And I'm so thankful to have you here.

Thank you for having the courage to listen

to this episode because the title is

something that I did not believe for such

a long time because of how many times

I started

and how many times I failed.

I think there's a famous saying,

and I didn't write it down,

but it's just coming to me now,

that every journey starts with one step.

There has to be the first step.

And look,

maybe you have tried to change over and

over and over and over again,

and you've become demoralized.

You've become disappointed.

Matter of fact,

you are numb to it until it rears

its ugly head.

Today,

is the first day of the rest of

your entire life because i'm going to show

you how practically to change i'm going to

give you a testimony we're going to talk

about testimonies and why it is so

powerful because today we're going to talk

about

I'm going to show you the difference

between a testimony and a told story.

And let me tell you this.

They are both very important in your life.

But where I am coming from is simply

this.

The reason I have the confidence to put

on an episode like this is because I

learned who I am is not who I

have to be.

And I have lived this for sixteen years.

Going on seventeen years.

And I am so proud to tell you

that, yes, you can change,

that who you are is not who you

have to be.

I'm going to keep the KISS principle in

full effect.

Keep it super simple.

And we're going to talk today about that.

So if any of that resonated with you,

let me help you understand what this looks

like.

There are a lot, I've read, you know,

many books.

I've listened to more books than I've

read, I'll say that.

And there is a beauty in a told

story, okay?

Because I've told y'all many stories on

this podcast.

I've talked to many of you as we've

talked on the phone,

as we have emailed back and forth.

I relate to stories,

stories that have dramatically changed my

life.

One of those comes from Graham Cook.

I shared it on a recent episode.

where he talks about the stooges and how

people that are in your life actually can

be your accelerator to becoming who you

want to be,

who God has for you in your life.

Now, let's talk about this here,

because what is the difference in a

testimony between

And a told story.

Hope the graphic works.

I'm going to put it up here right

now.

There you go.

You see it.

So here we go.

A testimonials.

I bled for this.

A told story is I read this or

I heard this.

So the testimonial is a first hand

personal experience.

It comes from my pain.

It comes from my journey.

It comes from the cost that I paid

to do this.

It comes from my failures,

and it also comes from my successes.

Now, what is a told story?

This is something that

Some people do where they go and read

a great story and they come and tell

you about it,

but they haven't actually put it into

practice.

I'm not going to begrudge you.

I can only be responsible for what I

put out on this show.

But here is what I call the game

changer.

And if you've been listening to this

program for the eight years going on that

we have put this program together,

when I tell you something is a game

changer,

it means listen up a little more intently.

The game changer is this.

It is...

I read this and I bled for this.

And that is the position that you are

in today.

You are hearing a told story.

You're hearing testimonials.

And now it is your turn.

It's your opportunity to take this and to

fold it into your own life.

And I am looking forward to what that

actually looks like.

And I hope that that helped you because

I've been talking to people a lot lately,

especially within this influencer culture

that we have where a lot,

I'm learning that a lot of what people

are out there talking about,

maybe it's mostly in the business world,

it's all a facade.

And so on this program,

we show you our bumps and our bruises

and we show you our journey.

And the possibility that you can actually

change.

Look, we did episodes on here titled,

Who Decides When We Have Sex?

And we had the episode live.

We did it live without any editing.

And so I brought you that program,

and then we followed it up with round

two,

and we got into some very heated

discussions.

And Jeannie and I get into heated

discussions here because it's important

for us to talk to you through our

journey,

to let you know just because we have

a podcast doesn't mean our marriage is

perfect all the time,

but I do believe that we have a

perfect marriage because of what it is

built on—love, forgiveness, grace,

intention—

And much more.

So let me get to this.

When it comes to you believing that you

can or you cannot change, I'm telling you,

it is a major,

major milestone in your life when you

decide what you believe.

And no matter how you feel,

you believe it.

I've taught you this over and over again

in this program that when you start a

new endeavor, when you start change,

you have to be ready.

You have to be ready for a marathon

type mentality.

And what you do in the beginning,

the momentum that you go through in the

beginning, it's going to be invisible.

So you have to know that,

not only in your mind,

but you have to commit in your gut

to knowing I must continue to follow this

process.

Now, you know that I thoroughly believe,

I am committed to believing,

and I believe this with great conviction,

that life is about who you are becoming.

So what had me in this place where

I was a people pleaser?

What had me in this place,

like I talked about here,

which was eating my emotions.

I was trapped in an obese body.

I was trapped and I didn't know what

to do.

Here's one of the places that it starts.

One of these doorways will be the one

that you walk through.

I don't know which one's going to connect

or give you the most direction because I

don't know where you are in your life,

but I'm going to present it like this.

When you stop believing those hidden lies

in your life,

that's when you will see change.

But it is about what you believe.

I cannot emphasize that enough.

You can't go on your feelings.

I was an emotional mess.

I was an emotional eater.

I was a nice guy,

but I had a temper.

But the funny thing is,

is as quick as I could get mad,

I could get glad and we could get

back to having fun.

The thing is also that in that state,

I would get very,

very petty and I would punish people with

my attitude.

And then if you made me upset or

you hurt my feelings,

I would make jokes about

about it.

I'd make jokes about the pain in a

very passive and aggressive way.

And I was living a lie that I

did not matter.

And so what would happen is that made

me a people pleaser.

It was the lie that I didn't matter

and that I was not good enough.

And so I would overcommit

I would overcommit my schedule and what I

had to do.

I would commit myself to the minute,

to multiple people at a time.

It was what I believed was coming from

a good place,

but then I would under deliver because

you're never going to be somewhere for

just forty two minutes,

even though you want to help everybody.

You need to give yourself,

give the people in your life the best

of you rather than the rest of you.

And that's a current challenge that

Jeannie and I have right now in this

particular season.

So I would overcommit to people.

I would give all that I had.

And then when people didn't give back to

me in the same manner,

and mind you this,

it wasn't always because people were

asking me.

I just wanted to matter in your life.

I wanted to prove to you that I

matter.

And so I would get really upset.

My feelings would get destroyed because

when people wouldn't commit the same or

weren't as intentional the same or weren't

as considerate as the same.

And it would cause a lot of friction,

a lot of emotional friction.

Do you know what I mean?

So it was a really sad cycle that

I was in.

It wasn't only at my home with my

wife, but it was in my work.

It was in my personal life.

It was in my friendships.

And what I was building was very

unhealthy,

even though I thought it was from the

right place.

So now, fast forward,

I found out that who I am is

not who I have to be.

And I started evaluating myself and

saying,

what is it that I am not happy

with?

Why am I allowing people to dictate my

attitude?

What is that?

I'm a husband,

so I want to lead my family well.

I'm a father,

so my children are watching what I'm

doing.

Make no mistake,

your wife is watching you as well.

So I found myself emotionally immature.

I found myself morbidly obese.

And I felt like I was walking around

in a prison.

The thing is,

is that every day I walked around,

I held the key to the door.

I just didn't know it.

And it all starts with what are you

willing to believe?

Let me tell you really quickly.

where these lies came from.

And I wrote something down here.

I love that I'm taking notes now,

and there's less rabbit trails than ever.

It's more, let's get to the point, Q-Dawg,

and not monologue forever, and get on.

So here's the deal.

When I was five years old,

my parents got divorced.

We were at my Aunt Linda's house.

My grandfather had taken a bus from

Lancaster, California, out to Adger,

Alabama.

He got there.

We loaded up.

As we were leaving,

my dad was nowhere to be found.

He showed up right before we left.

And I was sitting in the back of

the station wagon, the very back.

Next seat up, my sister, my brother,

both crying.

My mother's in the front seat crying,

and then my grandpa's at the wheel.

And my dad walks up.

I can remember it so vividly.

And he has three paper sacks that have

goodies in them,

and he gives them to us.

And then we leave, and we're leaving,

and I'm standing there watching him.

It's not like a long driveway you would

see in the movies.

It's probably a fifty-foot driveway

downhill, and you take a right,

and you're gone,

and there's no looking back.

You can't see the driveway anymore.

And somehow in that moment,

my perception of what took place as the

years went on is that I was not

good enough for my parents to fight for

their relationship.

I did not matter enough for my parents

to fight for their relationship.

And I made a situation that was not

about me,

all about me because of my perception of

what took place.

And it controlled me for decades.

Was it all the time?

Probably not.

But did it drive my decisions and my

habits when things got difficult?

When I felt like people didn't care enough

about me?

When I wanted to prove myself?

When I wasn't getting that reassurance at

home because life was in chaos?

It always showed up at that time.

So years later,

I'm already about twelve years into this

development of who I am becoming,

and I have made significant progress.

But there's this reoccurring thing that

continues to happen.

And why is that?

So my cousin,

she suggested I read this book.

I believe it's called A Dare to Dream.

I will put the link in the show

notes.

And Julia Gentry,

whether you're religious or not,

I highly recommend that you get this book

and you read it.

Why?

Because it set me free.

It took me to that place.

There's exercises in there that help you

start to understand what lies are you

believing through your limited beliefs.

And we are all,

sorry about getting off the microphone

there.

We are all living some sort of lie

if it has not been reconciled within our

life.

Nothing that our parents,

for the most part that I'm aware of,

my parents didn't do it on purpose.

It happens.

It's the course of life.

It's the world does not revolve around

you.

But for some reason,

we humans believe that it does.

And so I started to learn about my

limiting beliefs and I came.

It became something that was so real to

me.

It was a major aha moment.

And I said, oh, my Lord.

Because I had I had understood that I

wanted to matter.

And Jeannie and I were having chaos at

home with our children and the

circumstances.

And so I was out trying to prove

to people that I mattered when the place

I already mattered was at home.

But I was out doing other things to

get that affirmation that I mattered.

And then that part that I wasn't good

enough,

always trying to prove myself that I was

good enough for you.

When my family already knew that at home,

maybe not communicating it,

but my family knew that at home.

And so once I identified that,

I sank myself into my family,

which I believe is my first ministry,

and things began to get better.

They began to improve because when I got

uncomfortable,

I went to look for what it was.

But they're still, after years,

and who knows how long it was because

I wasn't keeping a record,

but it would still rear its ugly head.

And when I got to that point in

the book,

this is where I read this and I

bled this comes into play.

All of a sudden it became crystal clear

for me that these were the lies that

I had been living forever.

Lies that I created out of my perception

of what I thought had happened.

And I was able to pull them up

by the root and to move forward.

And that, my men,

is incredibly liberating.

To pull those lies up so you start

to learn why you do what you do.

And then you identify the source of why

that is.

Now you can change it.

Now you can identify it.

And when you begin to move on and

the familiar comes back,

you know how to endure that,

which shows you that you have transformed

and you have changed.

So the new man I've become,

it began with taking ownership of what I

was unhappy with.

And I made the decision because I sunk

myself into this living life by design and

learning about how to become a new man.

That was the declaration for me.

And so those evaluations was like, okay.

Who is it that I want to be?

Because we can make a huge mistake and

keep our focus as we evaluate who we

are.

We can put so much focus on who

we don't want to be that we become

more like the man we don't want to

be.

When in all reality,

we should continually have our focus on

on who we want to be and who

we are becoming.

It's a lot like I approach my life

now in Christ.

Early on,

I learned about sin in the church of

God and how everything seemed to be sin,

and I focused on what I didn't want

to do,

so it made me more and more conscious

of

of all the wrong that there was,

all the wrong that I tried to prohibit

in my life.

So that was me living out of duty

rather than living from a foundational

place of love where now it is like,

I want to act a certain way or

I want to live a certain way out

of honoring in love for you.

I've heard it said, well,

I don't not cheat on my wife because

I don't wanna get caught.

I don't cheat on my wife because I

wanna honor that relationship.

So it gets to the point where you

focus on what you shouldn't do.

It becomes what you do.

So we can take that and we can

turn that power towards who we want to

do or who we want to become.

So that's what we begin to do.

So know this.

Know who you are and why you do

what you do.

So when that old feeling or that familiar

feeling comes up,

you know how to play offensively against

that.

But I want you to focus on who

do I want to be?

And I got some tips for you on

how that works.

And one of the things that I found

was so incredibly helpful is to listen to

the quiet dialogue.

Things and people used to set me off.

I would blame it on my Irish temper.

And it would just set me off.

And I'd get so mad so quickly.

And so when those things started to

happen,

when I started to feel that frustration

start to burn,

then I started listening to my quiet

dialogue.

What was going on inside of me that

set me off?

Because now I can start to learn more

about why I do what I do.

So how can we do this?

It's all about evaluating who you are.

It's doing that evaluation to figure out

who you want to become.

Listening to your quiet dialogue.

Why do I do what I do?

Why am I doing these things?

Now,

one of the things that I feel is

like very, very...

is in your current state,

it's very likely that you're not somebody

you can trust because you have let you

down so much.

And guess what?

We all do that.

But here's the thing.

If you want to ask,

if you're asking your wife and kids to

trust you, but you don't trust yourself,

then we've got some things to fix.

We've got some order to reset in our

own life.

It's what I call internal governance.

So I want you to prepare yourself.

I want you to prepare yourself so that

you can make a promise to you and

you could become a man that you would

count on.

You could become a man that builds trust

with yourself again.

So it's a two-part process.

And it's evaluating and then it's building

trust.

Evaluate

build trust that's what I'm gonna ask you

to do today that's the key that's in

your hand to open I don't know how

many doors are in front of you I

don't know what other metaphor to provide

you but I can tell you that this

is the key that opens the door to

your freedom the first key is gonna be

belief

Make a decision that who you are is

not who you have to be and believe

it no matter how you feel,

no matter where you've been,

no matter what your track record is.

It can all start brand new today.

So decide and believe.

Then I'm going to ask you the second

piece of that is going to be evaluate.

Evaluate who you are and why you do

what you do.

evaluate who you want to be okay and

then the third thing you've got to move

you've got to move right into listening to

that quiet dialogue because that is going

to tell you what's really going on in

yourself now do you know how to figure

out who you want to be

If you don't,

that's something that I can help you with.

Even if you think you know right now,

that's something that I can help you with.

I'm going to ask you to check out

the episodes I have on the funeral

experience because that is going to change

your life.

Guys, listen.

You've got the key in your hand.

It's one thing at a time.

It's the KISS principle.

Keep it super simple.

Let me tell you this.

You know now that what I'm telling you

is testimonial.

I bled this.

And I'm happy to help you start that

journey today.

And start it today.

Don't wait until Monday unless today's

Monday.

Start today.

You want to know more?

Go to QuincyMoran.com.

I also want you to check out like

on your screen if you would.

Please subscribe.

Check out that QR code right there that

takes you to QuincyMoran.com.

Look at the various things that we're

doing.

This is how we can help you.

The website has been updated for the

various things that we're doing to support

you.

And for the launch coming soon is Becoming

Family Famous.

The book is in the works.

The podcast will be coming.

It's teaching you.

It's centrally focused on leadership

leadership.

at home from the family perspective i'm

working here very diligently to pass along

what i've done in my relationship with my

wife that's why it's called man versus

marriage

Becoming family famous is about teaching

you to be famous where it matters the

most.

Where is that?

That is under your own roof.

That is the lesson that I learned.

And that is what I am proud to

begin to teach you to help you as

a man lead your family,

not just your wife in this relationship,

but your family as a whole to make

an impact on your legacy.

So reach out to me.

It's Quincy at MVSMPodcast.com.

Go to QuincyMoran.com for more.

You want to know more about that book,

sign up at my website.

I will get an email and we will

get you ready to rock and roll.

All right.

That's it for this particular episode.

Once again,

I want to thank you for watching and

listening to this program.

I'm trying to do this podcast a little...

I thought about doing it standing up,

but...

I'm just not equipped for that yet.

Maybe someday.

The Moran Family Studio hopefully will be

reborn this year, but we will see.

But even so, thank you so much.

Thank you for listening.

I see you guys downloading.

I see the hours that are being consumed.

It tells me that lives are being changed.

And for those wives that are listening,

for those wives that find the program and

send it to your husband,

I'm going to ask you one thing before

I stop this program.

If your husband asks you to go and

watch some of these episodes with him,

please oblige.

Because I believe you can make some

terrific conversations happen once you

watch these episodes.

And Jeannie and I have almost four hundred

episodes out there with all topics

imaginable.

So please go check those out.

If your husband gets into the podcast

because you sent it to him,

please be willing to go and watch these

episodes with him and then create a

conversation that's going to make your

marriage move forward so you guys can

redefine your relationship.

Listen, God bless you guys.

I love you,

each and every one of you.

I love you.

I am praying for you.

Each time I see the downloads make their

move, I'm praying for those.

And I want you to go and check

out Galatians chapter six,

verses nine through ten.

If you don't know what that is,

go read it.

Even if you're not religious, go read it.

And I just pray that your heart would

be encouraged as you find out who you

are is not who you have to be.

And this life is about who you are

becoming.

God bless you.

I'm Quincy Moran.

This is Man Vs. Marriage, the podcast.

Yo, it's me.

I forgot to take me off the screen.

What's up?

Little bonus material.

Cute dog.

Roll Tide, everybody.

I'm out.