I speak to Emily Goldhill about what it was like to have her baby during the height of the Covid pandemic in 2020. From her husband not being able to attend scans, to a lack of support and activities during the early months, it heavily contributed to her developing postnatal depression. Becoming a new parent can be isolating and lonely at the best of the times, so I can't imagine how hard it must have felt during lockdown.
*Apologies for the audio quality on this episode, thanks in part to a dodgy Zoom connection and an overzealous Siamese cat called Brandy *
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Introduction to Emily Goldhill
[02:23] Navigating starting nursery and the return to work
[04:29] Emily's life before pregnancy
[05:40] Falling pregnant at the start of the Covid 19 pandemic
[07:32] Not being able to have her husband attend the scans
[09:26] How this affected Emily's mental health
[12:26] Early awareness of Covid - how it altered Emily's experience of being pregnant
[15:53] Expectations of what pregnancy 'should be like' vs. lived experience
[20:34] Giving birth in the pandemic. "My husband basically missed the birth" - not being listened to during labour
[26:45] The impact this had on Emily's postnatal illness
[28:57] Taking baby Ernie home for the first time
[30:41] More than the baby blues - "I can't do this"
[33:15] Emily's lack of a support network, due to the Pandemic
[35:10] How Covid 'cancelled' their first family Christmas
[36:44] Feelings of guilt and inadequacy - "they'd be better off without me"
[39:37] Trying to get support - talking therapy
[40:38] Not being seen as a pregnant mother due to Covid - lack of baby groups etc.
[42:25] The dangers of social media and Googling for new mums
[46:25] Starting to recover - feeling more in control
[47:35] Thinking about the return to work
[48:45] How being out and about again in the world more has helped
[50:58] How every baby and every mother is different - there is no set way of doing things.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
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NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:
In Episode 3 I’ll be talking to Elliott Rae of 'Music, Football, Fatherhood'. Elliott founded MFF after suffering from PTSD following the traumatic birth of his daughter. He has subsequently become one of the UK’s most prominent speakers on fatherhood, masculinity and mental health, with the BBC describing MFF as the "Dad's version of Mumsnet".
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated
Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: app@app-network.org
Tel: 020 3322 9900
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: info@apni.org
Live chat online facility
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users
also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or
overwhelmed.
Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Email: lwise@talktalk.net
(Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to
arrange
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: info@mwnhelpline.co.uk
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums offer
peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
NHS
Contact your
local GP surgery.
Call the NHS
on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in
crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
Helpline open
from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support
available – info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
Petals offers
free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: counselling@petalscharity.org
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Text SHOUT
to 85258
to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout
volunteer.
Twinline is
Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is
open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email asktwinline@twinstrust.org.
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s has a
team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and
their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Email: midwife@tommys.org
MUSIC by Joseph McDade