For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

What if one moment of clarity could save your relationship? In this heartfelt episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Paul, a single father whose anger was slowly pushing away the people he loved most.

When his partner said life felt like “walking on eggshells,” Paul knew something had to change — and in just a few weeks, everything began to shift. This is a story of courage, self-awareness and the power of choosing a different path.

Key Takeaways:

-Constant stress and anger can make home life feel unsafe — even when there’s no physical violence

-Awareness is the first step to change; noticing the signs in your body helps you stop before you snap

-Small changes like pausing and using calm language (“That hurt”) can radically improve communication and connection

-Many people grew up in angry households and inherited poor emotional tools — but you can learn better ones

-Real progress doesn’t happen overnight. It’s gradual, honest, and deeply worth it.

-When someone says, “I have my best friend back,” that’s the real power of anger management

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Control Your Anger in 7 Days

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

Imagine living in a home where every word, every glance feels like walking on eggshells.

That's what Paul's girlfriend told him life was like with him.

One more outburst and she wasn't sure she could stay for years.

Paul justified his anger.

He thought, I'm being disrespected.

I'm not being heard, I'm being misunderstood.

Deep down, he knew his outbursts were tearing apart the people he loved most.

His partner, his children and even himself.

Then came the awakening.

A moment of truth where he realised he had two lose the woman he cherished or finally face the anger that had controlled him for decades.

And here's what happened next.

After just a few weeks, it in the complete anger management system, Paul went from snapping without thought to calmly saying, that hurt.

And his girlfriend looked at him and said words he hadn't heard in years.

I have my best friend back, she said.

If you're here listening today, it probably means that you believe that change is possible for you too.

So stay with me because by the end of this episode, you'll hear Paul's journey and discover how awareness, practice and the right tools can help you move from walking on eggshells to building a calmer, stronger, more loving relationship.

Hello and welcome to episode 153 of the Anger Secrets podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women who, just like you, wanted to control their anger, take responsibility for their actions and build calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful live training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website, angersecrets.com there's a link there to to access that live training.

Or if you'd like to chat personally with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.

I look forward to talking with you.

Okay, with that said, let's dive into today's episode, Walking on Eggshells.

Paul's story.

Just tell me a bit about yourself.

Single father, but I'm in a serious relationship right now.

I have two teenage boys and hopefully soon to be two teenage stepdaughters.

I'm 54 years old, I have one sibling, a brother, and yeah, that's about it really.

So what brought you to the anger course?

An actual awakening from my current girlfriend.

My anger was getting out of hand.

The stress level was through the roof.

I was trying to sell a house, I was trying to buy a house, I was trying to keep Two houses afloat because I'm actually living with her.

And, yeah, my stress got the better of me and I was constantly snapping, given somewhat of an ultimatum.

It was like she said she didn't know if she could go through with this with me because it was just like walking on eggshells at times.

Did you have any idea she felt like that or was that kind of news to you?

We did have a few arguments over the last six months.

And I kept on saying to myself, I can't behave this way.

I can't behave this way.

And then three days into it, I would do it again.

And I knew something was wrong, but it just.

It was like it was contagious.

The anger was contagious?

I believe so.

The anger was contagious.

Like, it just.

It drove me to go there.

There was always a justification.

And what were those justifications?

Being disrespected, not being heard, being misunderstood, being taken advantage of.

This is what was going on in my head.

Yeah.

So like you said, I was just justifying how you responded.

Yes.

What effect do you think the anger was having on your girlfriend or your children or her children?

Not good at all.

Not good at all.

They didn't know if I was going to stop at any given time.

They started to become scared of me.

I didn't like when I heard that.

It made me feel bad.

Okay, so your girlfriend gave you this ultimatum.

What was it like looking for an anger management course?

I had taken one before.

She's not aware of that.

It was in a group session and it really didn't do anything for me.

And I started to go online and I was gonna go see a therapist, and I actually decided to go on podcasts, and I saw yours pop up and I'm like, okay, let's try this.

And I started to hear you have these little 5 minute to sometimes 8 minute little blurps, and it hit home.

A lot of this stuff made sense, and I was like, you know what?

This, this actually might be for me?

This actually might work because I wanted it.

I didn't want to lose this woman.

And I just didn't want to continue to be the way I was being.

Do you know what made an impact.

From the podcast episodes?

What kind of hit you the most?

Relating.

Relating to people, understanding these other people that were being interviewed and then just things that you would say.

And I was like, oh, my God.

Yeah, I get it, I get it.

I could relate.

It wasn't like going to a therapist and hearing them say something and going, what?

I don't understand that.

Like, I could totally relate to everything.

And I didn't compare because some of the podcasts where there was physical abuse, and I never once said, if I get that bad, I just.

I could relate.

I could understand, even though I've never hit anybody out of anger.

But you could relate to how they were responding?

Yes, I could relate totally.

I could understand where they were coming from.

I could understand what you were trying to tell them.

So I'm like, okay, let's.

What have I got to lose?

And how has starting this course been for you?

It was easy.

They're small modules.

I can go back to them anytime I want.

I've made notes myself lately.

There's constantly something going on in my head about something that I've heard or read or written down myself, Right?

And the biggest thing for me is awareness.

So I say some bit more about the awareness, like, how has that impacted you?

So I become aware when I feel something going on inside my body.

My heart starts to pound.

There's a bit of a palpitation.

I'm like, okay, here we go.

Okay.

There's no reason to get this way.

I call it talking myself off the ledge.

And I remind myself that, you know what?

It's easier just to calm down.

Think about this for a second, because if you lose your mind right now, you are going to have to do damage control for possibly days over something that might take 15 seconds to say.

So I'm still trying to pick and choose my words wisely.

And I have a tendency, the way I was brought up, where you just blurted out what came out of your mouth.

So I'm trying to reprogram myself.

So there's some cycles of abuse or violence you're trying to change.

I believe I was brought up in a very angry household.

I do truly believe that.

And that was the norm.

There was no physical abuse, but there was mental abuse with some of the words and phrases that were said.

And I just don't think my parents knew any better because that's the way they were brought up.

And I remember an individual that I was very close with who I haven't seen in a very long time.

We spoke about my parents and my upbringing.

And he said, your parents did the best they could do with the tools that were laid in front of them.

So now I think to myself, I need more tools.

I just don't need the tools that my parents have given me, because some of the tools that they have given me have been great, but I need other tools.

And that's where this program comes in.

It makes a lot of sense.

And how do you think the change process is going for you so far?

It's gradual.

I'm going to take the odd step back.

I don't want to be the type of person to say everything's lollipops and rainbows, but it is gradual.

And that's the best way for it to happen, actually.

And why is that?

Why is gradual the best way?

Because that's the normal way, if that makes sense.

Because I've always been about wanting instant gratification, and I realize I'm now at 54, that the world does not work that way.

Any progress is gonna be gradual.

Yeah, I like it.

And you sent me an email just after starting the course about the impact on others of your anger.

Do you remember that?

Oh, I remember that.

I remember that because.

And the reason that started to hit home is, again, these podcasts and hearing these men and women go on and how it affected their significant others, siblings, family, and I was like, wow, I didn't realize the mental abuse that much.

I knew it was abusive, but I didn't realize how abusive it was.

And that kind of makes me realize that, yeah, this has got to change.

And have people noticed a change in you so far?

My girlfriend has.

She says she's happy that her best friend is back.

Some people at work have.

What do you think your girlfriend's noticed?

Calmer, pausing before I open my mouth, telling her constructively when I am angry or that something has upset me.

I know a couple weeks back, she said something about money or something, and I went.

I waited a bit and I said, that kind of hurt.

Whereas before I would have just snapped.

All I said was that what you said made me sad.

And she apologized.

So the effect of saying something like that hurt was much better than losing my mind.

Yeah.

And saying, how dare you say something like that to me?

All I said was, you know that comment that you said, that that kind of hurt.

Wow.

And was it easy or hard for you to say that it was easy?

That's topsy turvy.

I think I'm basically just a little.

I'm a marshmallow.

Because a lot of times when I used to get angry, a lot of it was because I was sad or hurt.

Do you feel you're getting better expressing those feelings now?

Somewhat, yes.

I have my stumblings.

It's not going to happen overnight.

It's a gradual process.

If someone was listening to this episode and relating to some of the things you're saying, and also thinking of maybe doing my course.

What would you say to that person?

I'd say, give it a chance.

Give it a chance.

Because it's made me understand quite a bit more about me.

You've been very helpful.

The modules are small.

I can go through them a bunch of times if I want.

It's not like you're being bombarded with the stuff like other people have said.

It's at my own pace.

And it's understandable.

It's very understandable.

The tools are there, and if I have to go back and read something that I wrote or go back and do the modules again, your program works.

So I would highly recommend it.

The simplicity of the program has made me aware more.

There's no words in the literature that I have to go grab a dictionary.

It's simple, which is good because I think a lot of people, including me, if I see something that I don't understand when I'm reading it, I'm out of here.

I'm not dealing with this.

Realizing that there's quite a few people in this world that suffer from the same thing, or maybe suffering isn't the proper terminology, but there's a lot of people out there with anger issues makes me feel that I'm not alienated.

I'm actually normal.

I'm just happy that there is a program.

Because I'm looking on the Internet, okay, what am I gonna do here?

And then I see you, and I go to this anger sequence and I'm like, okay, this is making sense.

This is making sense.

And just the aspect of you actually interviewing me in the beginning, before I even signed up, I'm like, who is this guy who takes the time to actually speak to somebody like that says a lot about you, that you want to help people.

So I'm like, if there's an individual out there like that, then.

Then let.

Let me try this.

What have I got to lose?

Okay, so what can we take from Paul's story?

Firstly, know even if your partner tells you life feels like walking on eggshells around you, there is still hope.

Secondly, know that anger doesn't have to keep controlling your life, and you can take back control.

And most importantly, remember, change doesn't have to be instant or perfect.

Like Paul discovered, real progress comes step by step, and those steps can completely transform your relationships.

Now, if you've been listening today, I want to acknowledge your courage, because facing anger is never easy.

But by being here, you've already taken that first step toward lasting change.

And if Paul's journey has shown you anything.

It's you don't have to keep repeating the same cycle.

You don't have to live with fear, regret, or silence.

You can choose differently.

Starting now.

So if you're ready to take that next step, head over to angersecrets.com there you'll find free resources, a live training, and my full program.

The complete anger management system.

The very same system Paul used to change his life, his family and his relationship.

I'd love to help you do the same.

Ok, that's it for today's episode, Walking on Eggshells, Paul's story of change.

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Together we can create calmer, happier lives and stronger relationships.

And finally, remember, you can't control what other people say or do, but you can control yourself.

And that's where your real power lives.

Take care and I'll talk to you soon.

The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.