Shownotes
Today’s story is the first of two parts of “Rekindling” by Al Song, who is a musician, writer, and polyglot. The red kangaroo was an editor for the novel, “C.C.S.” by Tagenar. Al has been published in a dozen anthologies including: Fang 8, Roar 9, and Tales from the Guild: World Tour. “Rekindling” was originally published in Difursity: Volume 1 by Thurston Howl Publications, and you can find more of his stories on FurAffinity and SoFurry.
Returning home from college isn’t always exciting, but it’ll be a life-changing spring break for a gay, Laotian otter in his small hometown.
Read by Buddy Goodboy, Esq., Attorney at Paw.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/rekindling-by-al-song-part-1-of-2
Transcripts
You’re listening to Pride Month on The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today’s story is the first of two parts of “Rekindling”
Speaker:by Al Song, who is a musician, writer, and polyglot.
Speaker:The red kangaroo was an editor for the novel, “C.
Speaker:“C.C.S.” by Tagenar. Al has been published in a dozen anthologies including: Fang 8, Roar 9, and Tales from the Guild:
Speaker:World Tour. “Rekindling” was originally published in Difursity: Volume 1
Speaker:by Thurston Howl Publications,
Speaker:and you can find more of his stories on FurAffinity
Speaker:and SoFurry. Those who have not done it
Speaker:often assume that coming out is simple.
Speaker:Those who have done it
Speaker:may say it depends more on WHO you are coming out TO
Speaker:than on yourself.
Speaker:It is easy to come out to a large, accepting community.
Speaker:It can be much harder in isolation.
Speaker:An old friend, perhaps, only around for a short time,
Speaker:may be the chance to come out
Speaker:that one must seize while it lasts.
Speaker:Read for you by Zilch Woofs, noise merchant.
Speaker:Please enjoy “Rekindling”
Speaker:by Al Song, Part 1 of 2
Speaker:A part of me was thinking maybe I should’ve just stayed at my apartment during spring break, and driving to central Washington was just a long journey of discomfort and boredom,
Speaker:but my parents really wanted me back home.
Speaker:It would’ve been nice to have someone to accompany me, but no one I knew was heading this way.
Speaker:Eventually the megalithic city skyscrapers flanking me eroded into suburban fiefs of cookie cutter homes and hulking supermarkets.
Speaker:Soon enough those were deconstructed into the sum of their parts as verdant trees and imposing walls of stone surrounded me.
Speaker:It was incredibly beautiful, but after driving through them for a goodly amount of time it all became monotonous.
Speaker:It took hours to get from Schoenblick to Baum Pointe.
Speaker:Okay, maybe it was just two hours, but it was two more than I wanted to drive.
Speaker:It took a while for my ears to pop as they tried to adjust to the elevation heading into the Cascades.
Speaker:Thankfully, I had a four-pack case of caffeine in the passenger seat.
Speaker:Cherry was always my favorite ‘Spark of Energy’ flavor.
Speaker:The can was a garish array of blue and red with jagged yellow lines around the pair of cherries to show that they were being electrified.
Speaker:I probably should’ve been drinking something from a smaller company and be more conscious about my choices,
Speaker:but it was one of the few energy drinks I enjoyed.
Speaker:It also didn’t leave a film of shame over my pointed teeth.
Speaker:As I ascended the mountains, I chugged my second can to try to keep myself awake through the repetitive scenery with no radio.
Speaker:A bump rattled the car and I spilled some of the red fluid,
Speaker:thankfully it landed on my slacks and not my shirt.
Speaker:I was still wearing a business suit, since I went to brunch with some classmates trying to network with the grad students in the business school.
Speaker:Of course we had to have it in Schoenblick on the eastside, with all the yuppies and brogrammers.
Speaker:I was double majoring in business administration and nonprofit management,
Speaker:and when I took marketing in high school it really got hammered into me sayings like, ‘Always
Speaker:be dressed for success,’ and ‘dress for the job you want,’
Speaker:which meant for the last seven years I wore a suit most days of my life.
Speaker:It always seemed like I was one of the few in the business school who saw any problems with capitalism or that class privilege was a thing,
Speaker:but maybe it was just that I had always gone against the grain.
Speaker:I wanted to start things like homeless shelters for queer youth and create Asian American historical museums and libraries.
Speaker:I didn’t want to become rich or feed into a system that hurt people, but somehow that made me an outcast in my major.
Speaker:Both of my parents were refugees from Laos,
Speaker:and I wanted to do them and other Lao-American folks some justice.
Speaker:Another goal was to help other queer people who felt alone and helpless, since it seemed like I was the only one growing up in the middle of nowhere, like Baum Pointe.
Speaker:The three of us were the only small-clawed otters in the town, and we definitely looked different from the other otters.
Speaker:Our features were smaller, but we worked harder,
Speaker:and my parents definitely made it.
Speaker:My thighs were going numb, and I was getting a slight headache from the drive,
Speaker:but I was thankful it was only another couple minutes until I’d hit the weathered, wooden ‘Welcome to Baum Pointe’ sign.
Speaker:The fuel gauge showed that I was running on a quarter tank, so I pulled into the first gas station to stretch my frustrated, stubby limbs. I inhaled a breath of fresh mountain air mixed with the nauseating fumes of gasoline.
Speaker:After locking the car I tossed the cans into the recycling bin and walked into the store.
Speaker:A fiery late nineties rock song blared from the bright orange stereo behind the register.
Speaker:A tall, chubby, brown rat was turned around placing scratch off tickets underneath their respective slots next to a display of lighters arranged in a bright and saturated rainbow
Speaker:“May I have thirty on number four?” I asked the rat in his red flannel and highlighter yellow trucker hat.
Speaker:He probably didn’t hear me over the music so I coughed and repeated my request. “Sure, just a sec,” he said as he scribbled something on a sheet of paper.
Speaker:The attendant looked over his shoulder and his golden eyes lit up delightedly.
Speaker:“Ford?” I smiled at the familiar face.
Speaker:“Charlie, it’s been so long!” he shouted as he ran around the counter to give me a tight hug.
Speaker:“How’ve you been, bud?”
Speaker:“Doin’ good,” I said trying to hug him back as he crushed my ribs.
Speaker:“Just on spring break.”
Speaker:“Nice,” he said as he let me go.
Speaker:“I haven’t seen you in forever.”
Speaker:“I know. I’m sorry,” I said as I scratched the back of my head.
Speaker:“It’s just been kind of a busy few years of school. I’ve done a couple internships and took more classes than I needed.”
Speaker:“I’m sorry to hear that, but it’s good to know you’re still a hard-worker,”
Speaker:he shot me a big grin.
Speaker:“Thanks, and I really am sorry for not messaging you more,” I said averting my gaze.
Speaker:“It’s fine.” He waved it off kindly.
Speaker:“You’re busy with school I get that.
Speaker:I guess it just seems that way with a lot of people that graduated our year.”
Speaker:I nodded and said,
Speaker:“I guess we’ve all spread out around the country.
Speaker:I was also doing a study abroad program in Berlin last summer,
Speaker:and I visited my host family again during winter break.”
Speaker:“Yeah,” he said, almost longingly.
Speaker:“Last time I saw you in person was our last summer break together.”
Speaker:“Almost three years.”
Speaker:I started fidgeting.
Speaker:“Again, I’m sorry.” “Hey, it’s okay.
Speaker:You’re here now,” he said and the two of us hugged again.
Speaker:“That’s true... so, what have you been up to?”
Speaker:“Oh, nothing much. Still living here. I started working here a couple months ago.
Speaker:I was kind of fired from the auto repair shop, since I kind of
Speaker:forgot to set my alarm clock a few times.”
Speaker:“That’s a shame.” “Meh,” he said nonchalantly.
Speaker:“I’ve learned not to do that for this job.
Speaker:It’s your third year at UPNw, right?”
Speaker:“Yeah, I’m a junior this year, and I’m currently living in an apartment with another student, since my roommate last year transferred to Spokane University.”
Speaker:“You dating him?” the rat asked and his whiskers faltered at the question.
Speaker:“Sorry, I’m not trying to sound like a dick.
Speaker:Just forget I asked.” “It’s fine.
Speaker:I know you’re not a homophobe.
Speaker:And no, I’m single. I dated a guy for a year and then he broke up with me out of the blue.”
Speaker:“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Speaker:His ears and shoulders sunk a bit.
Speaker:“It’s alright. I’m over it…
Speaker:kinda.” I smiled at the last word.
Speaker:“So how’s Seattle been?” he asked,
Speaker:and I was glad I didn’t have to change the subject.
Speaker:“Just like here. Rainy, but at least I’m surrounded by buildings, culture, and queer people.”
Speaker:“Isn’t that, like, a slur?” he asked widening his eyes.
Speaker:I just cocked my head at him.
Speaker:“You’re giving me that look.”
Speaker:Concern filled his voice and face. “What?”
Speaker:He took a deep breath and said,
Speaker:“The one that says I said something ignorant or problematic, but you’re not sure if you should respond, because you don’t want to hurt my feelings.”
Speaker:“I’ll explain it later, but yeah, I really needed to get out of here during high school.”
Speaker:“We’re not all that lucky,” he sighed
Speaker:looking out the glass door.
Speaker:Then I caught myself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to...” “No, it’s fine,” he quickly interrupted,
Speaker:“and you don’t need to keep apologizing.
Speaker:I mean I’m still here due to…
Speaker:various circumstances.”
Speaker:He then grimaced at his last statement.
Speaker:“That’s sucky.” I frowned.
Speaker:“Honestly, it’s my own fault that I didn’t apply anywhere.”
Speaker:“Hey, it’s never too late,” I said trying to reassure him.
Speaker:“Yeah, I know but,” The rat was interrupted by the jangling bell on the door.
Speaker:He snapped his gaze to the entrance as an elderly wolf walked in and headed for the chips and candy section.
Speaker:“I think I need to get back to work,” he sighed.
Speaker:“Sorry, I didn’t mean to take up your time,” I said back to him.
Speaker:“It’s fine! You’re helping me kill some time here.”
Speaker:After a moment he rubbed the back of his neck and asked,
Speaker:“Hey, I know you’re probably busy, but if you have some time
Speaker:do you want to hang out tonight?” Warmth
Speaker:spread through me at his kind words, and I said,
Speaker:“Sure, I didn’t plan anything for the next two weeks besides binging British game shows and practicing my business German.”
Speaker:“How about I pick you up from your place at seven-thirty?”
Speaker:“Sounds like a plan!”
Speaker:“Your parents still live at the same place, right?” he asked jokingly.
Speaker:“They certainly do.”
Speaker:I gave him a smile.
Speaker:“Before you go,” he said,
Speaker:then rang up a ‘Hot Streak’ scratch off ticket for me
Speaker:and paid for it. “You know I don’t gamble.”
Speaker:“It’s my money, and it’s only a dollar.”
Speaker:He rang me up for the gas, slid me the ticket, and I pocketed it.
Speaker:I filled up my tank as I watched him help the wolf reach something from the top shelf of the bottled coffee section.
Speaker:When I was done I waved at him and got back in my old, cherry red sedan and took off for my parent’s house.
Speaker:It was only a few minutes after turning a couple times through the labyrinthine lanes of suburbia
Speaker:that I saw a creamy lemon house with milky trims.
Speaker:A sense of warm nostalgia washed over me as I parked in the driveway.
Speaker:I remembered Ford in the passenger seat with his swim trunks and tank top on his lap excited to go swimming in my house.
Speaker:He usually felt self-conscious about his weight even though it was just my parents and me that would see him.
Speaker:I also pictured the time when my parents blindfolded me on my sixteenth birthday and walked me to the driveway.
Speaker:When they took off the blindfold I was staring at a sleek, new, yellow, Roam Lightning Bird.
Speaker:I was freaking out,
Speaker:and then they told me their old Kasai from the nineties was mine.
Speaker:Two thousand six was a disappointing year, but at least I got a car and my license.
Speaker:They also bought me a small laptop to make up for it.
Speaker:“Hello? I’m home,” I said as I opened the door and saw the two other small-clawed otters.
Speaker:My mom sitting at the computer reading an email as my dad was in the water watching a soccer match.
Speaker:“Son! Welcome home!”
Speaker:my dad said in Lao.
Speaker:“How was the drive? Are you hungry?” my mom asked as she gave me a big hug and kissed me bending back my whiskers.
Speaker:“Good, my driving was…” I stammered. Ugh,
Speaker:I had to remind myself not to translate things directly from English to Lao. “Uh,
Speaker:it was a good journey.
Speaker:I’m, uh, I want to eat food.”
Speaker:That was wrong. “I hunger for food.”
Speaker:That was the correct way to say it. Seriously though, what happened to my Lao skills?
Speaker:“We can speak in English,” my dad said switching languages.
Speaker:“Bo! Hao, uh, dang it! Hao, hmm, hao pak lao dai!”
Speaker:I stammered. “Well, yes, we are able to speak in Lao,” my mom said in English and cocked her head at me.
Speaker:“I’m trying to say that I want to speak in Laotian with you guys.”
Speaker:“It’s alright, Charlie,” she said with some concern in her voice.
Speaker:“You haven’t spoken it in a while, right?”
Speaker:“Yeah, but I guess I’ve always had a hard time expressing myself in it,” I looked down and
Speaker:my mom hugged me tightly.
Speaker:“Both of you can speak Lao,
Speaker:at least I can still understand you.”
Speaker:“Alright, are you hungry?” my mom asked again switching back. “Yeah, kind of.”
Speaker:“We made you dinner,” my dad said, giving me a reassuring smile.
Speaker:“Get cleaned up and join us in the water.”
Speaker:I tossed my luggage in my room, showered, and got in a pair of orange swim trunks emblazoned with stylized suns and glowing moons.
Speaker:After slipping into the lukewarm water I swam giddily.
Speaker:Apartments weren’t always designed for aquatic folks, even in Seattle,
Speaker:where many folks like us lived, but I got used to being out of water.
Speaker:If I was really aching to swim then I’d hit up one of the pools at the University of the Pacific Northwest,
Speaker:which most people called ‘Up Now,’
Speaker:since the abbreviation was U.P.N.W.
Speaker:The basement of UPNw’s Science and Technology library had a water study room
Speaker:which was a large, shallow pool, where students could wade while reading or getting homework done on floating desks.
Speaker:I met a buff water mink there, but he was dating this handsome,
Speaker:yet overprotective beaver,
Speaker:who wanted me to never set a paw in there ever again.
Speaker:After a few laps around the living room I saw a movie commercial.
Speaker:There was a shot of the Space Needle, which piqued my interest, but then they cut to some young people at a pool party with the Cascades in the background.
Speaker:It was always bewildering to see movies take place in Seattle while they showed the actors swimming in an outdoor pool, since
Speaker:all public pools were indoor ones in the Pacific Northwest due
Speaker:to all the rain and cold.
Speaker:If someone owned a pool in a non-aquatic home here then it was still in the house.
Speaker:Of course Hollywood never cared to get anything right as long as it looked cool or was dramatic.
Speaker:I grabbed the waterproofed remote and turned off the affront to verisimilitude as I paddled down the hallway to the dining area of the kitchen.
Speaker:It was tough sitting cross legged in the shallow water, since I was used to sitting in chairs all the time instead of the floor.
Speaker:My parents served up some mixed veggie fried rice for me as they had papaya salad.
Speaker:“Can you guys make me some of that one of these days?”
Speaker:“Do you really want some?” My dad asked. “We can whip up a vegetarian version of this for you.”
Speaker:“Can you teach me how to cook some Lao dishes?” I asked.
Speaker:“You really don’t need to speak English with me around.”
Speaker:“Alright. Charlie, come on, you don’t even know how to make rice,” my dad said, and I frowned at him.
Speaker:“Okay, if you really want to learn… then I guess we can teach you.”
Speaker:My mom gave me a look filled with trepidation.
Speaker:I watched my dad dice up some veggies and my mom mix together water, sugar, sauces, spices, lime juice, and some white powder from a jar with Lao writing on the lid.
Speaker:I definitely had to work on my reading and writing skills as well.
Speaker:They put it all together in a small bowl for me to try.
Speaker:After I picked up some rice along with a pinch of the shredded vegetables,
Speaker:I popped it all in my muzzle and I was pleasantly surprised.
Speaker:The heat harmonized with citrus notes
Speaker:and the freshness of the crunchy veggies melded with the chewy rice.
Speaker:I washed it down with some sweetened soy milk from a carton, which helped abate the burning sensation on my tongue.
Speaker:“Do you like it?” my mom asked.
Speaker:“Yeah, it’s pretty good. Thank you!” “It was
Speaker:no problem at all, son.
Speaker:Now eat the fried rice, too. We don’t want that to go to waste.”
Speaker:My dad gave me a stern look,
Speaker:but I saw his tail swish in delight.
Speaker:I did as I was told after polishing off the small bowl of salad.
Speaker:I talked about school while my parents told me about the vacations they had gone on
Speaker:mostly about their trips to Hawaii to see family and their vacation in Laos.
Speaker:My mom was from the capital city of Vientiane
Speaker:and my dad was from the northern city of Luangprabang.
Speaker:The two of them always made jokes about how a country boy and a city girl found each other in a time of turmoil.
Speaker:They said recently they started working at the same company in the accounting department,
Speaker:so they told me all the trials and tribulations of being in the office together.
Speaker:My mom said one of the managers thought they were plotting against him when they were speaking Lao together, and someone else told them it was rude to speak Lao,
Speaker:when all they were talking about was getting groceries.
Speaker:After dinner a part of me was tempted to just get on my laptop and watch shows alone in my room,
Speaker:but then I didn’t want to feel lonely and they hadn’t seen me in years, so I knew I should spend time with them.
Speaker:“Are you sure you want to watch a Thai soap opera with us?” my dad asked.
Speaker:“Yeah, I want to do stuff with you guys.”
Speaker:“You won’t understand what they’re saying,
Speaker:but we can explain it to you,” my mom offered.
Speaker:I didn’t know Thai, but my parents said that was what was on TV and in the newspapers and magazines in Laos, so it’s how they learned it.
Speaker:Understanding the show was tough,
Speaker:but did my best to keep up, and surprisingly I was able to pick out some cognates.
Speaker:It was one out of every ten words that I understood, but I got most of it from context and from the explanations provided from my parents.
Speaker:When it turned seven I was waiting outside on my phone
Speaker:in a tweed suit with a plaid tie and matching pocket square.
Speaker:Ford’s maroon pickup truck rounded the corner in the setting sun as the sky was turning into a
Speaker:dreamy orange. I heard a pop after he pulled over and I hopped into the monolithic truck.
Speaker:“Oh, I see you’re dressing down tonight,”
Speaker:he said grinning while motioning to my outfit.
Speaker:“I just wanted us to match,” I said pointing to my accoutrements.
Speaker:He was still in his cap and flannel.
Speaker:“Are you hungry?” he asked and hugged me.
Speaker:“I already ate dinner.”
Speaker:“Let’s see, we can hit up a bar that serves meals and appetizers, and you can get drinks if you want.”
Speaker:“Sounds good to me,” I said as we let go.
Speaker:“I know of a place.”
Speaker:We drove to a place called ‘Brent’s Bar and Grill.’
Speaker:I had always seen it, but I never actually went into the establishment.
Speaker:I turned twenty-one in the winter.
Speaker:We walked in and he held the door open for me.
Speaker:The smell of booze and fried food flicked my snout as I stepped in.
Speaker:The walls were basically an ad space for different beers and liquor brands.
Speaker:The collection of bottles behind the wall was quite impressive for a small space.
Speaker:He bought a few pull-tabs near the entrance with ‘Hot Shots’ in bold letters across their tops.
Speaker:There were little cartoon shots surrounded by fire on the little cards.
Speaker:“Did you get anything from the scratch card from earlier?” he asked.
Speaker:“Oh, I haven’t looked. It’s still in my wallet.”
Speaker:I then fished it out.
Speaker:“Cool, now we can play together.”
Speaker:We sat down at the bar,
Speaker:but it was still relatively empty. At one of the pool tables a lynx in an oversized cardigan and blouse played with a weasel in leggings and a denim jacket,
Speaker:who sunk a shot. The two cheered and they both took a drink from their glasses.
Speaker:A skunk and badger took turns at the electronic dart board,
Speaker:while a biker fox at the bar was hypnotized at
Speaker:the text messages from his phone.
Speaker:I glanced through the menu for drink specials and the bartender came over.
Speaker:“What can I get started for the two of you?”
Speaker:the red kangaroo asked.
Speaker:“What’s a ‘Burning Photograph?’” I asked pointing to it on the menu.
Speaker:“That’s an old fashioned made from Firewall Whiskey,”
Speaker:he pointed his thumb back to a large bottle with a label of a Coyote typing at a computer that was engulfed in flames.
Speaker:“That sounds good to me, and no ice, please.”
Speaker:“Sure thing,” the bartender said.
Speaker:“Just a root beer for me and a portobello burger,” Ford said.
Speaker:“Can I also get some hot sauce?”
Speaker:“I’ll let the kitchen know, then I’ll get started on the drinks.
Speaker:drinks.” “Let’s see if we’re winners,” the tall rat said and handed me a quarter.
Speaker:The first two squares revealed flames and…
Speaker:an ice cube dribble on the third one.
Speaker:“Mine’s a loser.” Ford went through a few of his cards and then he exclaimed, “Yes!
Speaker:Twenty bucks! Let me treat you tonight.”
Speaker:“It’s fine,” I said quickly.
Speaker:“I can pay for my own drink.”
Speaker:“But I insist,” he said.
Speaker:“Do the two of you want to open up a tab?” the kangaroo asked.
Speaker:“No, I’m good with just the one drink.”
Speaker:I waved a paw in front of me.
Speaker:“It’s alright,” the rat said reassuringly.
Speaker:“You definitely can have more.”
Speaker:“I don’t want to get drunk tonight, since I want to remember my time out with you.”
Speaker:“Alright, that’s fair,”
Speaker:Ford said. “No tab?”
Speaker:the bartender asked.
Speaker:“We’re good,” he replied.
Speaker:Soon the suave kangaroo served up our drinks, and I took a sip of my old fashioned.
Speaker:The bittersweet cherry and orange notes tickled my tongue as the cinnamon whiskey burned on its way down.
Speaker:It tasted like the holidays, and then I frowned.
Speaker:Lao New Year was coming up,
Speaker:and recently I never did anything for any of the country’s holidays.
Speaker:When I was even smaller as an otter pup
Speaker:my family would make the drive to Seattle to attend temple,
Speaker:but my dad was never truly religious,
Speaker:and my mom got tired of the two hours weekly drive there and two hour drive back.
Speaker:I never really understood what was going on when we went anyway.
Speaker:It was during these times when we felt more connected to the Lao community,
Speaker:especially when it came to cultural and traditional events that happened in Laos.
Speaker:“What’s wrong?” Ford asked as a veggie burger with a side of fries was placed in front of him.
Speaker:“Oh, just thinking,” I said and took another sip.
Speaker:“Is the drink not good?”
Speaker:“No, this is amazing.”
Speaker:I squeezed the glass with both paws as if I were giving it a warm hug.
Speaker:“I just thought about how Lao New Year’s coming up and
Speaker:how much I’m lacking in knowledge when it comes to my own culture.”
Speaker:“Well, my family’s historically from France,
Speaker:but there’s a ton of materials out there to learn about France,
Speaker:and I remember you saying that there isn’t a lot of reference stuff for Laos,
Speaker:at least in this town.”
Speaker:He leaned closer to me and put his food down.
Speaker:“Even the university libraries are kind of lacking,
Speaker:and it’s more than just that though.
Speaker:I mean, like when I got home today I tried talking to my parents in Lao, and I forgot how to say basic things to them.”
Speaker:“It’s not like you can’t relearn those things.”
Speaker:He pushed he plate to me and offered some fries.
Speaker:I then popped one in my muzzle and let the warm starch comfort me,
Speaker:swallowed, and said,
Speaker:“I guess, but I just feel like I’ve let my Lao identity down.
Speaker:I did every club in high school, joined the tennis team, and took every AP and honors class I could.
Speaker:Now that I’m in college I’ve just been working every internship I can get into, since my classes are easier.
Speaker:I know I should be going to the LGBTQ center more,
Speaker:and actually helping out the community too,
Speaker:since it’s another huge identity of mine.”
Speaker:“You still have the rest of your junior year and your entire senior year.” “That’s true, ugh, I even missed a friend’s twenty-first birthday party because I took on an extra shift, where
Speaker:I just made photocopies all night.”
Speaker:I sighed, sulked, and ate another fry.
Speaker:“Did you guys do anything the day after?”
Speaker:“No, she stopped talking to me.”
Speaker:I felt another sigh brewing in my throat.
Speaker:“Oh,” he said gently.
Speaker:“I’m sorry.” “This is why my ex broke up with me.
Speaker:I kept putting all of this before our relationship,
Speaker:and then I accused him of setting me up for failure.”
Speaker:I stared into the warm shade of golden brown liquid shimmering in the glass in front of me.
Speaker:Ford just remained quiet amongst the clinks, laughs, and chatter behind us.
Speaker:“I just keep prioritizing the wrongs things, and I feel like I’ve wasted the last seven years of my life,” I said and pushed the plate back to the tall rat.
Speaker:“Your food’s gonna get cold.
Speaker:You can eat and
Speaker:maybe we can talk about something else.”
Speaker:“I can understand how you feel about wasting your life, but for me it’s still kinda different,”
Speaker:he said quietly. “I’ve just been floating around from one job to another when I get bored of them.
Speaker:I still don’t know what I want to do with my life,
Speaker:and I feel like time’s running out.”
Speaker:“I thought you said you wanted to become a musician.
Speaker:You loved band class and you always looked forward to your guitar lessons.” “Well,
Speaker:I sort of gave that up a long time ago.”
Speaker:He then slowly bit into a fry.
Speaker:“What happened?” I asked.
Speaker:He swallowed and said,
Speaker:“Well, I learned that world’s more complicated and competitive than I could’ve ever expected,
Speaker:whether that was with the guitar or the trombone. Plus,
Speaker:most people kept telling me there’s no money in it, and I can’t eat art,
Speaker:so maybe there’s no real point.”
Speaker:“I can try to help if you want.
Speaker:We can make up some sort of plan.”
Speaker:“It’s alright. At least my mom and stepdad are cool with me living at home for the rest of my life.
Speaker:The house is paid for.”
Speaker:He took a sullen sip of his root beer.
Speaker:“I really need to get out of here.”
Speaker:“I am looking for a new roommate,”
Speaker:I said. “Would you really want me to live with you?”
Speaker:“Of course! You’re my friend! We’ve always gotten along, and it would help defray costs,
Speaker:but then again it’s not like my parents aren’t helping me make rent.”
Speaker:“Yeah,” he said. “Most people I know are either living at home or getting help from their parents.”
Speaker:“Hopefully one day I can get by without an allowance from them, and I barely even call them.”
Speaker:I looked down again.
Speaker:“I’m a bad child…” “Don’t say that. I’m definitely no better.
Speaker:Sometimes I go days without seeing my parents, but then again it’s due to our schedules.”
Speaker:“Your mom owns and runs multiple bakeries,
Speaker:so it’s not like it’s your fault she’s so busy.
Speaker:You said your stepdad travels a lot for work, right?”
Speaker:“Yeah, he’s a sales manager,”
Speaker:he said, “and then my mom is a prime example of someone doing something they love as their job,
Speaker:but I can’t even make above minimum wage.”
Speaker:“I know you can make it.
Speaker:You took AP calc with me. I know you’re smart.”
Speaker:“Thanks, but I just…” he sighed.
Speaker:“It’s hard.
Speaker:I don’t know what to do.”
Speaker:I put my paw on his shoulder, and he gave me a wry smile.
Speaker:“Despite the challenges and obstacles, I’ll still believe in you.” I smiled up at him.
Speaker:“Thank you.” “I should be thanking you for being open and letting me be open about my guilty feelings.”
Speaker:“There’s something else I wanted to tell you,” he said and averted his gaze.
Speaker:“What’s up?” I turned to him as I sipped my drink.
Speaker:“Well, I was originally inviting you here to tell you something pretty important,
Speaker:and I know you probably won’t judge me.”
Speaker:“What is it? I definitely won’t judge you,” I said
Speaker:trying to show my support as much as possible.
Speaker:“Well, I think we’ve got some things in common.”
Speaker:“Yeah, that’s definitely true.”
Speaker:“But it’s not just our taste in shows and music,” he said an took another sip of his soda, and reacted as if it contained alcohol.
Speaker:I nodded. “You know how I never dated girls in high school?”
Speaker:he asked slowly looking into his root beer.
Speaker:I nodded again.
Speaker:“That’s because I’m not into them.”
Speaker:“Oh, okay,” I said gently.
Speaker:“You know you have my support.”
Speaker:I just kept my expression the same, since the million-dollar reaction could be off-putting.
Speaker:It certainly was when I told a friend and she acted like she just won the lottery.
Speaker:“I’m guessing you’re cool with that.”
Speaker:“Yeah, I’m more than alright with that,” I said with a smile.
Speaker:“I mean now I feel even less like an outsider.”
Speaker:“I’m sorry for not coming out to you sooner,” he said with a grimace.
Speaker:“It’s alright. You really don’t need to say sorry.
Speaker:Some people don’t know or realize until later,
Speaker:and if you did know then I’m sure you had your reasons.”
Speaker:“I did,” he sighed and ate another fry.
Speaker:“In high school I had a hard time even coming out to myself.
Speaker:When I saw guys that I liked I just told myself not to, and I was scared.
Speaker:After I realized I couldn’t stop myself from feeling this way I told myself that
Speaker:I couldn’t let anyone know.”
Speaker:“I can understand that.
Speaker:There are still situations where I find it wise not to tell people for my own safety.”
Speaker:“But you were the bravest person I knew.
Speaker:People treated you like garbage, but you kept moving forward.
Speaker:You were always so kind to me when we were in middle school,
Speaker:and I wanted to protect you,
Speaker:but I was afraid people would treat me the same way.
Speaker:Even though they called me names for standing up for you,
Speaker:I think it would’ve killed me to go through what you did.”
Speaker:He took another drink and sighed.
Speaker:“I’m really sorry.”
Speaker:“For what?” “Making it so that you were the only gay person at our school.”
Speaker:“Again, you don’t have to apologize,” I said gently.
Speaker:“You know the apology is the official language of the State of Washington,” he said and then chuckled.
Speaker:“That’s pretty accurate.”
Speaker:“It’s the truth, and if you fail to apologize, then you become a social pariah.”
Speaker:“Speaking of being gay in high school, have you told anyone else?” I asked.
Speaker:“No, you’re the first.”
Speaker:He nodded. “Thank you for having sharing this with me.”
Speaker:“I have a feeling being this honest with others is going to be a harder feat.”
Speaker:“It can be,” I said.
Speaker:“I mean coming out isn’t just a onetime thing.
Speaker:It’s something we keep doing as our lives go
Speaker:on.” “I kinda wish it were just a one time deal.
Speaker:I feel a lot better but still queasy…
Speaker:So yeah, thank you.”
Speaker:“It’s not prob, Ford.”
Speaker:“The party’s here!”
Speaker:a large arctic fox yelled as he entered the bar wearing a garish football jersey and sunglasses followed by a vixen and tigress in matching outfits, who were
Speaker:pre-gaming together with beer cans in their paws,
Speaker:and lastly a rabbit blaring a stadium country song from his phone trailed behind them.
Speaker:The biker red fox stood up and left without letting his gaze veer. The duo at the pool tables exchanged glances and followed suit.
Speaker:The bartender sighed as one of the dart players cursed when they missed the board completely.
Speaker:The rat then asked for a box as I polished off my drink.
Speaker:“Shall we?” Ford asked.
Speaker:“Take the lead,” I responded.
Speaker:We headed to the truck as a few drops of rain splattered against our shelter
Speaker:as dark clouds heading down from the north while we watched the sky turn orange in the setting sun. “Wanna head to the park and watch the sunset?” Ford asked.
Speaker:“Sounds good to me.”
Speaker:This was the first of two parts of “Rekindling” by Al Song, read for you by Zilch Woofs, noise merchant.
Speaker:Tune in next time to find out how Charlie and Ford navigate the rest of their evening together and how the beginning of Ford’s coming out journey turns out.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Happy Pride, and Thank you for listening to The Voice of Dog.