Today I talk to Nic about her realisation that thinking about drinking had crept up on her and inhabited way too much head space! She shares her story, and how Pyjamas, books and some serious decision making have supported her for 4 fabulous years of alcohol free living!

Hi, everybody.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink.

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Today, I'm going to be talking

to Nick about her journey to

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over four years of sobriety.

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She was shared with you, her story,

the insidious nature of the increase in

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alcohol intake and how pajama armor really

can fend off that whispering line, which.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Hi Nick,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Hi Vic, lovely to speak to you.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: lovely

to speak to you Thank you podcast.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

So exciting.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And I want to

congratulate you because I saw on our

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WhatsApp group today that you are 1, 550

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Sober today, which is phenomenal.

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I did the maths on my calculator

and that's over four years,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Four and four years and I think it's

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four years and three months at the end

of the week or something like that.

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Mad when you think about it.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: So Nick and

I met through Saberistas, which is an

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online community that I've mentioned

in previous podcasts, probably will

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mention in every podcast because

it was such a great tool for me.

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and it was one of the first people

who really helped me to just get

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my head around that I had to do.

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Something about this myself and

gave me a good talking to at the

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beginning, said, right, this is,

this is up to you, Vic, like, crack

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Commit,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: and

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

commit Vic.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: That was it.

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And we'll look after

you, but you gotta do it.

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And I have told you before that I will

always remember that because it made me

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really take responsibility for what I

wanted to do, and I've never been happier.

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So thank you.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

We've had a lot of fun haven't

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we getting to know each other

over the last few years.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

We have had a lot of fun.

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We've been on little

away trips and all sorts.

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It's been really great.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Lots of adventures.

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Don't mention the cows.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Oh

yeah, don't mention the cows.

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You can maybe tell them

about the cows later.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Maybe, yeah.

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,

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all about,, people's stories.

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So I just want to know a bit more

about you , and hopefully there's

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someone out there who will resonate

with you , and it might just help

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them on their journey to sobriety.

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So tell us a little bit about

yourself and your decision to

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become sober over four years ago.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Okay, so I am probably fairly and

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squarely in the category of what

people would call a grey area drinker.

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So somebody who has not had a huge rock

bottom, hasn't had any dramatic traumas

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around drinking particularly, my friends

and family, I think, would have said

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I didn't have a problem with drinking.

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I never had issues with my job.

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I never had issues with my family.

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I just used to use wine in the

evening as a way of relaxing after

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a busy day, as a lot of people do.

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And it's something that was always

recreational and felt very safe for me.

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In the sense that, you know,

I don't didn't come from a

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family where alcohol was abused.

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It was literally very middle

class glasses of wine with dinner.

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So it was extremely normalized.

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and just part of, , a civilized

evening and a lovely dinner.

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So it, that's why I say it felt

safe because it was, , very

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much in the background.

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Nobody talked about the dangers of it.

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Nobody talked about it being addictive.

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Nobody talked about it

being a toxic carcinogen.

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In fact, the headlines would be

things like, Oh, a glass of red

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wine is good for your heart.

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And so, this was the background

of my drinking and it never

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occurred to me, really, to

question it until,, quite late on.

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So I started drinking, probably

at university, like a lot of

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people, didn't overuse it.

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Carried on drinking when I

started work, didn't overuse it.

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. , but the amounts steadily

crept up over my 30s and 40s.

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Again, probably within a lot

of people's normal limits.

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And it was only when I was in my

late 40s, that I realized that I

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didn't like the fact that I was

looking forward to wine in the

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evening too much, if that makes sense.

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So, I think, it's a story that's familiar

to a lot of us, but you go on holiday and

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you're looking forward to the holiday,

but you're also more than the holiday,

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looking forward to the glasses of wine

in the evening, or you're looking forward

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to seeing friends, but more than that,

you're looking forward to the glass of

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wine that you're drinking with friends.

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And so I gradually realized that I was.

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Looking forward to the wine more

than all the other good things.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

have this dawning sense of unease that

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something wasn't quite right if it was

such a huge focus and yeah, it's something

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that it took me a long time to grapple

with the fact that it was a problem.

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And like a lot of us, I kept.

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Because I wanted to normalize it and I

wanted to carry on drinking, I clung onto

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the headlines that were,, saying that

a glass of wine is good for your heart.

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And I tried to minimize the headlines

that were saying you must not drink more

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than 14 units a week, which I was doing.

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So, yeah, I had a lot of sort of

mental to ing and fro ing over

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this, , for quite a few years.

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And part of the issue for me

was I just didn't know a lot

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of people who didn't drink.

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Everybody in my friends and

family was a moderate drinker.

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Nobody had tremendous problems, but

nobody was completely sober either.

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So I didn't have any good role models.

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Equally, there was nothing

really scarily off putting.

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So I was almost allowed to carry on

this middle way of, , bimbling along

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thinking it was safe when of course,

for me, it wasn't really, and it

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wasn't much fun either because , you

start to get very obsessed by it.

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Um, you, you know, you're

obsessed by, is it six o'clock?

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Can I have a glass of wine?

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And then.

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However, many units this week,

so I mustn't lose track of the

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units and I mustn't go over 40 and

it's just, it becomes so boring.

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, and I had more and more of these

thoughts that it was taking

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up far too much headspace.

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, and I could also see that

I had, very demanding job.

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And that was great because it kept.

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Me within very clear boundaries.

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So I had to always be up early

in the mornings, and I had to be

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always on my A game, and I had to

be, thinking about things and making

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good decisions, and da da da da da.

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Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't an option for

me to get trollied and get hung over and,

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be a disgrace in the mornings because,

my job was very important to me and

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performing well was very important to me.

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But I could see that, once I got to the

point where I hit retirement, which, it's

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still a way off, but it's not that far

off, those boundaries wouldn't be there.

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And I was thinking, hang on, I

can't go through my life when I'm

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retired or when I'm on holiday.

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And, Just obsessing about

wine the whole time because

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

to be more to life so for me It wasn't

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a it wasn't anything catastrophic.

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It was just taking up far

too much time, far too much

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money, far too much headspace.

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And I'm getting the feeling that it's

diminishing my life to a point where,

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you know, I'm going to have to say I've

had enough of it diminishing my life.

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But of course, the flip side of that was,

I thought I absolutely loved drinking.

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And I thought I absolutely

loved a nice glass of wine.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Mm

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Uh, and the thought of having to

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stop was just really depressing.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Well,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I thought, well, what am I going to do?

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

something, don't you?

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yes, exactly.

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You think it's going to be deprived

and boring and blah de blah de blah.

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Uh, and if only I'd known that it wasn't

gonna be any of those things, I would

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have made the decision much, much sooner.

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But as it was, I sort of got forced

into it by the fact of my Sensible brain

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going, this is getting ridiculous.

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There is so much more to life, and

it's completely disproportionate the

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amount of time you're spending on it.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: it's so great

though, that you have that sensible

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brain and I think like the story

that you tell is really interesting

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because there are people who have a

rock bottom, of course there are, and we

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know people who've had a terrible time,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Mm-Hmm

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

and have lost everything, um,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

mm-Hmm.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: but there

are probably a lot more people

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who are sitting in that gray area.

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Drinking and, , and, you know,

we all probably know them.

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, I was also one of those people, I

wasn't getting up in the morning

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and drinking, but I don't know

if I ever would have done that.

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You don't, you don't know where it could

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: No.

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You don't know, do you?

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You don't know.

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Mm-Hmm.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: and I had

the chatter that you're talking about,

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so, you know, the, what time, what

time can I have my glass of wine?

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And then,

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

quickly have I drunk that?

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Oh, how

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: glass of wine?

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Am I quicker?

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Are they slower?

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Why aren't they getting

another glass of wine?

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It's that whole

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

like having a nagging toddler, isn't it?

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That, , you're trying to have a sensible,

adult life with lots of fun, fun things

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in it that are all bright and shiny.

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And there's this little voice

pulling at your RBA, Is it

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time for a glass of wine yet?

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I put up with it for years.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

I think it's difficult because when it

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starts off, , when you start off drinking,

particularly if you're just drinking

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with friends at university, it starts

off very, for me, it was very occasional

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and it really wasn't a problem and I

could completely take it or leave it.

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It started off completely peripheral to

my life, and then it gradually became this

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huge thing in the middle of my life and

it moved very quietly from peripheral,

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, and it took decades to get to the point

that it was, taking up too much space.

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Really.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And that

does make you wonder, doesn't it?

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What then would have happened

in the next 20 years?

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Exactly.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: sort of

feel, I often feel a bit saved by this.

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So people will say to me, Oh,

well, why did you stop drinking?

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Or were you an alcoholic

or did you have a problem?

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I don't really like the term alcoholic.

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I think it puts some weird label on it.

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It makes you feel uncomfortable.

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It actually blames the person.

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You know, this is.

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a substance that is addictive that we all

drink and all started drinking probably

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at, well, legally 18, probably for me

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Mm-Hmm.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: friends.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And also, none of us, , if you'd

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said to me like four, four and a

half years ago, was I an alcoholic?

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I would have said no.

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And I think you would have said the same.

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And probably on a lot of tests

of, , is somebody alcoholic?

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, I wasn't physically addicted.

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I stopped , without any

physical withdrawal whatsoever

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

stopped drinking.

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So I think it's not a helpful label as

well, because a lot of us don't feel

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when we stop, we were in that category

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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It

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: or

that we had that, that sort of problem.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: label

stopped me stopping because I

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: well, this

is so normal and, there's nothing

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wrong with having wine every day.

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, I mean, I wouldn't, I don't think I'd

ever drop my kids off at school without

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somebody saying to me, Oh, can't wait for

my glass of wine tonight at five o'clock

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,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

so, you know, that

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It was really, it's normal.

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It is normalized in society.

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, But yeah, it does start to have an impact.

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So , you just slowly and surely

realized that it was not serving you.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yes.

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And, and , the reason that I got how

I got to that realization really was

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because like a lot of us, I tried to do

the whole, I think I'll have three days

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a week off, or I'll never drink more

than 10 units a week, or, whatever it

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was, we make all these rules, don't we?

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: was

incredibly difficult to stick to them.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: It's

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And even when I was doing that.

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, so I suppose what I was trying to do is to

get it to take up less space in my life.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

the problem was that although I put in

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place all these rules, and I could keep

the amount I was drinking within limits.

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It was still taking up the same amount

of space in my life because I was still

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thinking about it and about the limits

and about the how many days I'd, you

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know, if I'd had Monday and Tuesday

off well that meant I could drink on

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Tuesday blah blah blah blah blah and it

didn't minimize the headspace at all.

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So it hadn't solved what for me

was the real problem which was the

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amount of headspace it was taking up.

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And I think for me that the absolute,

You were asking, before about what

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was the critical moment for me.

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And I had a really clear memory

of when I was at university.

261

And we would drink regularly, but it

was completely take it or leave it.

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And I just didn't care, , if we

went out to a great event and

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there was , nothing to drink, but

cups of tea and sparkling water.

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I was completely happy.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: hmm.

266

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Whereas nowadays, if you went out to

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an event in the evening, you would be

pretty miffed if there wasn't a decent

268

glass of wine and I thought, hang on,,

I used to not even think about it.

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And now I spend so much time, , there's

so much headspace taken up by it.

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That is not, , I, I've had enough of

the amount of headspace it's taking up.

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And that's, that's what I

was wanting to get rid of.

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I was wanting to stop, , it's the

classic, the Bell Robertson phrase,

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tired of thinking about drinking.

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I just had enough of the amount of

space it was taking up in my life.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

completely agree with that.

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I was very tired of thinking

about drinking as well.

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I mean, my story was slightly

different in that my university

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days were full of drinking.

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They were a little bit crazy, but

actually, I almost don't look back

280

on those and feel like I've changed.

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Bad about that because it sort of,

that was the environment and it

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: don't really

regret, I don't regret a lot of, , stuff

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generally, because I just think you

learn from things as you go anyway.

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squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Exactly.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: regret that.

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I made some amazing friends.

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, squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

know you're a bit younger than me, but it

289

was still, , we was within the same sort

of generation of, , that really, , boozy

290

down the college bar type existence.

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vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah.

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It's a bit different when you reach

your late 40s though, isn't it?

293

And perhaps it doesn't

look quite the same.

294

And for me, there was just few moments

where I probably thought, Hmm, but

295

I probably wish I hadn't said that

to that person or what was I saying

296

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Oh, yeah, no, absolutely.

297

Yeah, I totally agree.

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I totally agree.

299

But, but I think also the

qualitative difference for me was

300

that before, certainly the sort of

first, first 10 years I was drinking,

301

it was very take it or leave it.

302

And it was only, much later

in life , that , it became

303

more, I was more addicted.

304

Let's, let's be honest.

305

That's what had happened.

306

It had moved from being, , something that

I wasn't addicted to, to something that

307

I was addicted to, even if it wasn't.

308

to the level of physical withdrawal,

but mentally , the dopamine

309

dependence was definitely there.

310

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah, and I

mean, that's, I'd say that's the .Same

311

for probably more than half of the

population to be honest today who have

312

not decided that they're going to stop.

313

So, I don't see any shame in that.

314

Like we've made a decision

to stop doing something that

315

was making us feel miserable

316

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

and I'd grown up in this sort of

317

culture, the whole, just say no,

you know, don't do drugs culture.

318

And that really had an impact on me.

319

So.

320

Other sorts of drugs.

321

I was, I've never have been interested

in at all, but for some reason

322

I never thought about alcohol.

323

It just didn't occur to me we weren't

taught about it which is stupid because

324

the information's always been out there,

but it just didn't occur to me that it's

325

basically a, a drug in a class of its own.

326

So, , for me, the gateway to

making sobriety stick was to read

327

up on it and go, Oh yeah, it really

is an addictive toxic carcinogen.

328

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

329

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

literally had no idea

330

until I was about 48.

331

I mean, it's just hilarious, isn't it?

332

When you think about it,

333

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

334

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I really was that ignorant.

335

Yeah.

336

Totally, totally, but it doesn't start

you feeling a bit of an idiot when

337

you do suddenly start reading up.

338

You know, you start reading the quick

list and, ah, yes, that'll be why.

339

Yeah, exactly.

340

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: on offer.

341

But yeah, you're the same

as most people, aren't you?

342

That's not surprising at all.

343

Um,

344

yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

345

Yeah, absolutely.

346

, and so what, what Quiklit did you read?

347

What would you recommend if someone

was looking for a book to help

348

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: Wow.

349

Oh, I mean, as you know, Vic, none better.

350

Old William Porter, good old William

Porter, , is a massive favourite,

351

isn't he,, and I, he wasn't the

first quick lit book I read.

352

But he's one of my favorites

just because I do like the whole

353

straight talking, no nonsense.

354

Plus I'm a lawyer as well by training.

355

So, lawyer speaks to lawyer and I

might tell it like it is William.

356

, so I, I love Alcohol

Explained one and two.

357

I love them both.

358

, and their books that I, I do go back to.

359

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

360

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

he'd be, he'd be in my top list.

361

Annie Grace as well.

362

I love this Naked Mind.

363

That was, that was for me a real

gateway into, into other Quiklet and

364

I found that really helpful initially.

365

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

366

Yeah.

367

And I think she also actually has

a Facebook group, This Naked Mind.

368

I think you can join a

Facebook group of hers as well.

369

there's loads of those out

there now as well, isn't there?

370

What I liked about Alcohol Explained,

which I won't go into in too much

371

detail because obviously I'm going

to be speaking to William in a couple

372

of weeks, which is also exciting.

373

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I'm very envious.

374

Yeah,

375

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: she?

376

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

well we all are Vic, we all are.

377

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: but yeah, I've

been re listening to his books and, and

378

just some of the, the really obvious.

379

Things that, you know, you

think, that's why that happens.

380

Stupid things like the water drinking.

381

I was a fanatic water drinker.

382

If I drink water before I go to

sleep, I'm going to like feel

383

much better in the morning.

384

It, you know, won't be impacted

by the, Seven large glasses

385

of Pinot that I've just had.

386

And then, and then the next day I'd

wake up feeling terrible and just

387

having gone to the loo all night.

388

And he explains all those

things really well, doesn't he?

389

About, you know, anyway,

we'll let everybody

390

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

391

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Great books.

392

Read them if you

393

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Highly recommend.

394

Yeah.

395

Highly recommend.

396

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Me too.

397

, so it's not the easiest of things to do.

398

Stopping drinking in this booze

soaked world we find ourselves in.

399

What was your biggest challenge

400

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

my biggest challenge undoubtedly was

401

getting through the first six weeks.

402

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

403

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

the times in the six weeks that I found

404

most difficult were the evenings because

I was so used to, a routine of, finish

405

work or finish whatever it is you're doing

and sit down and have a glass of wine.

406

So that was the most difficult

thing for me was developing a

407

routine that didn't involve that.

408

And once I cracked that, then

that made a massive difference.

409

, I vividly remember the first, probably

at about six weeks in four to six weeks

410

in the first time I had an evening and

I suddenly realized just before bed, I

411

haven't thought about drinking at all.

412

And it was just such an exciting,

moment because I knew then that

413

it was possible and I was going

to, I was going to be free of it

414

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah.

415

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

soon.

416

Uh, that was a fantastic moment, but

I had to put in place other stuff.

417

So, I gave myself a pass to buy

whatever books I wanted because I'm

418

a massive reader and every night I

would basically go to bed very early,

419

the old pyjama armor,, which You know,

is a luxury anyway to be able to jump

420

into bed with a really good book really

got me through the first six weeks.

421

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

For yourself, isn't it?

422

And just

423

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

424

Yeah.

425

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: enjoy.

426

I

427

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And it was locked down.

428

You see as well when I stopped.

429

So, you know, that you couldn't go out.

430

And do that much.

431

And, I do a lot of exercise anyway, so

it wasn't, I didn't want to be going

432

out for runs in the evening because

I'm already completely knackered

433

by the time I get to the evening.

434

Yeah,

435

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: There

was something about in the early

436

days, I actually, there was a song

that I kept playing because it

437

feels a bit like a breakup, right?

438

When you go through that beginning bit,

439

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

yeah,

440

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: like

a little relationship breakup

441

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

yeah, yeah, yeah.

442

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: your love.

443

Your friend there who used to

hang out with you all the time.

444

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And you do have this emotional yearning,

445

don't you, for your glass of wine?

446

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: and

I remember part of, there was a

447

song that I was listening to and

it said something about the day.

448

day kind of blurring into nights, I

really felt like that because for

449

me, that, between the daytime and the

nighttime was opening the wine time and

450

then, and that's how I defined it's now

the evening and I can wind down and

451

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

452

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

so I agree with you that

453

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

same here.

454

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: big challenge

for me just to, it's actually, and

455

now, it's, it's, It's okay that the day

kind of goes through into the night.

456

You've just got more time

and space and you can

457

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Oh, it's brilliant.

458

It's

459

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Like you've just said.

460

Yeah.

461

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah,

462

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

completely understand that.

463

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And to have that freedom, , all the way

464

through the day and into the evenings, and

, there's never a time when you're not free.

465

That's the beauty of it.

466

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

467

Isn't it?

468

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And it's such a fantastic gift.

469

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: It really is.

470

You kind of wish you could bottle

it up and just give it to people who

471

are thinking about it and go, this

is what it's going to be like, do it.

472

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It's going to be magic.

473

It's going to be really magical.

474

Yeah.

475

Yeah,

476

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

477

And you'll know yourself and you'll

care about yourself and you'll love

478

yourself and all those things that

maybe you don't right now because of,

479

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

480

Yeah.

481

Yeah.

482

You've got all this great

stuff to look forward to.

483

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Hopefully

somebody will listen to that and

484

go, right, I'm definitely trying

485

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Well, , a way I always think about,

486

and like I said, the way that

was the window in for me was to,

487

was to think back and recapture.

488

That feeling you're a child or whether

it's , when you were at university,

489

that carefree feeling that, , the

whole day is yours and the evening's

490

yours and you're completely free.

491

Yeah.

492

If you can cast your mind back to whenever

that was for you, it's such a powerful

493

motivator to be able to reclaim that.

494

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Oh, absolutely.

495

So, I was going to ask

you about your tools.

496

,

497

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: have

any particular tools that you use?

498

And if you do, would you share

them so that others can try them?

499

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I found reading the Quibblet

500

incredibly important because , it

worked really effectively for me

501

to reframe not drinking as not a

deprivation, but actually freedom.

502

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yes.

503

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

that's something that I wholeheartedly,

504

, believe now and , I'm so pleased that

that's my mindset because I think without

505

that mindset, if you're always feeling

deprived and always feeling that you're

506

missing out, it would be very difficult

507

and actually, I don't feel

I'm missing out at all.

508

And you could not pay me to

make me start drinking again.

509

Yeah, that was, that was a

really powerful tool for me.

510

And it's something that if ever I

feel myself getting complacent, I

511

will go back and read some quick lit,

512

,

513

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Whether it's autobiographical

514

quick lit like Claire Pooley I love,

Catherine Gray I love, or whether

515

it's something a bit more factual.

516

, David Nutt's book, , Drink is another

really, really good factual one.

517

So I'll go back and read

something like that if I ever

518

start feeling a bit complacent.

519

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

520

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I don't do it so much now, but I did to

521

start with and I gave myself permission

to spend, , all the money I would have

522

spent on wine, on books, so that I always

had great stuff to read because for me,

523

if I've got Some fantastic novel to read

that I could just dive into it's just the

524

best mind altering drug Of all for me

525

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

526

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

was such a fantastic thing to have so

527

those were my big tools I think and

also I mean the other thing that you

528

and I talked about initially which was

vital for me was I said to myself, I am

529

not going to drink for a hundred days.

530

So no matter what happens, I'm not

going to drink for a hundred days.

531

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Mm

532

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And so every time I had, , one of

533

those cravings in the early days,

what I said to, what we call the

534

wine, which was, you couldn't, You

might have to bleep this bit out.

535

You can fuck off and come back

on day 101, but you're not, I'm

536

not discussing it with you now.

537

It's not happening.

538

Day 101, we'll have a discussion, but

we're not having a discussion now.

539

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: I

540

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: So

it was absolutely cast iron for me that I

541

wasn't going to drink for a hundred days

542

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

543

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

And of course, by the time I got to

544

the hundred days, I was really keen

to carry on with it, but it meant

545

that I'd made that decision once

and , I wasn't trying to stop and I

546

wasn't wondering whether I could stop.

547

I had just said to myself, this

is happening for a hundred days.

548

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

549

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504: it.

550

No, no more discussion.

551

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

552

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

decisions.

553

The decision's been made.

554

So yeah.

555

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

freeing about that as well.

556

when you said to me, cause I

remember coming on a zoom call very,

557

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

558

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: four

559

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I remember that Zoom call.

560

Yeah.

561

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And

I said, what if I slip up?

562

What if I, what if I have a drink?

563

And you just said to me, well,

you're not going to, this, you

564

said this isn't your fault,

565

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

You've committed.

566

You've committed for a hundred days.

567

Yeah.

568

I don't think, I don't think

569

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

quite strict, but I like that.

570

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

it necessarily works for everybody, but

571

I know I knew it worked for me and I

thought it would probably work for you

572

because I think in that sense, we're

quite similar that, that we are very much.

573

You make the decision , and then

you park the decision that's

574

been made and then you move on,

575

um,

576

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: from any

577

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly,

578

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I, it's done now,

579

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

580

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: And that's

581

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah.

582

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: on

to develop my, I don't drink.

583

Like there's no,

584

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It's brilliant.

585

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: here.

586

I don't drink.

587

It's that simple.

588

So there is nothing that you can

589

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It's clear cut.

590

Yeah, it's so clear cut.

591

And, and , the other thing is that a

hundred days isn't that long, and I

592

knew for me, , I knew for me that after,

decades of drinking, more often than not,

593

as in I had more days when I drank than

days where I didn't, I really deserved

594

to give my body a hundred days off wine.

595

it's not much to ask, is it?

596

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: it's

597

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

days off.

598

So yeah.

599

That's how I looked at it.

600

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: that you, I

love that you got yourself booked, but if

601

anyone's not a big reader who's listening,

I saved up and got myself a diamond ring.

602

So, you know, you can

choose what your thing is.

603

Oh dear.

604

But we

605

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Yeah, but I think anything,

606

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: isn't it?

607

To treat

608

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

yeah, it's, it's having a

609

reward , and having a, having

something you've saved up for.

610

I think that's really, really important.

611

That's really important.

612

Whatever it is, it could be a holiday,

it could be books, it could be beautiful

613

food, it could be perfume, it could be

whatever floats your boat, , some amazing

614

piece of clothing or some amazing handbag.

615

I mean, whatever it is that,

that you think, oh, I could never

616

afford that, but I can if I stop

drinking for a hundred days.

617

Yeah, go for it.

618

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: adds up.

619

If you add up

620

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Really does.

621

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: like

622

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

It really does.

623

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: got a

good chunk of money that you can

624

go and get yourself something nice.

625

Even if it's just a nice pair of

pajamas and a bit of skincare and

626

get into bed and read that book.

627

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Anything like that.

628

Yeah.

629

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: not to

630

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Never underestimate a

631

good pair of pajamas.

632

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: No, we all

get new pyjamas, don't we, round about

633

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

We did.

634

I got some with lions on so that I could

be as brave as a lion in my pajama armor.

635

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Nothing beats it.

636

No one can come and get you if you've

got your PJs on and you're just

637

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

exactly.

638

If you're under your duvet

in your pajama armor,

639

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah,

640

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

the world is, the world is a good place.

641

Yeah.

642

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: is.

643

It is.

644

So, well, that time has zoomed past.

645

Which I knew would happen because

once we get chatting, we never stop.

646

, but a last question for you, , if

you were gonna speak to Nick five

647

years ago, so thinking about this

whole thing, , would you say to her

648

about what it's like to be sober?

649

Yeah.

650

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

Oh, I'd say do it quickly.

651

Do it as soon as you can

because it's so great.

652

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah.

653

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

great.

654

I, like you, I'm not a great one for

regrets, but the only thing I regret

655

is that I didn't do it years ago or

actually even that I started drinking

656

at all because why did I even bother?

657

Because actually it's

so great not drinking.

658

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Yeah,

659

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

You can't convey apart from remembering

660

how free you were before you started

drinking and how happy you were.

661

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: yeah,

662

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

bottle that in, you know, go

663

back to that in your head and

think, I can go back there.

664

Do it

665

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: done it.

666

I've done it.

667

We know hundreds of people who've done it.

668

So, so if anyone's thinking about

it, take Nick's advice to Nick

669

and, uh, get on the sober bus.

670

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

671

squadcaster-ic0i_1_09-30-2024_191504:

I've really enjoyed it.

672

Lots of love.

673

Take care.

674

vic-_1_09-30-2024_191504: Bye.

675

Bye

676

undefined_NaN_09-23-2024_122408:

Thank you for listening to our

677

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

678

If you felt that it helped you, make

sure that you like, share and follow.

679

And leave a review on podchaser.

680

com.

681

And remember, make your

catchphrase, I don't drink