Nothing lasts forever—the good or the bad—so learning to be present in the moment is a core skill of emotional fitness. In this Emotional Push-Up, Dr. Emily is joined by Karan Singh, COO at Headspace and Co-Founder of Ginger, to highlight the importance of mindfulness to weather all that life brings our way: fully soaking in the joy while we have it and trusting that the tough moments won’t last forever.

Thank you for listening! Staying emotionally fit takes work and repetition. That's why the Emotionally Fit podcast with psychologist Dr. Emily Anhalt delivers short, actionable Emotional Push-Ups every Tuesday and Thursday to help you build a better practice of mental health. Join us to kickstart your emotional fitness. Let's flex those feels and do some reps together!

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The Emotionally Fit podcast is produced by Coa, your gym for mental health. Katie Sunku Wood is the show’s producer from StudioPod Media with additional editing and sound design by nodalab, and featuring music by Milano. Special thanks to the entire Coa crew!

Ready to break an emotional sweat? Welcome to Emotionally Fit with me, Dr. Emily Anhalt. As a therapist, I know that staying mentally healthy takes work and repetition. That's why I'll share Emotional Push-Ups, short, actionable exercises to help you strengthen your mental fitness. From improving your friendships to managing stress, let's flex those feels and do some reps together!

Hey there Fit Fans! I am so excited to be here today with Karan Singh, co-founder of Ginger Health and COO at Headspace. Karan, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Thanks so much for having me, Emily.

It's always a pleasure. And Karan, I'm curious, as COO at Headspace, I imagine you're no stranger to the importance of mindfulness and the beauty of staying present. What has your journey with that looked like?

It's been an adventure. I'd say I was a prototypical founder, who was always on all the time when I first started. My default was more. And I've realized that the answer's really less but better, and focusing on fewer things, and being more present and being more mindful, and figuring out ways to have boundaries of life so I can have time outside life. So big part of that has been my mindfulness practice, and particularly with the Headspace product.

Beautifully said. Well, I'm excited to share with you today an old Hebrew fable that I love and that I think about when I need a reminder about how fleeting life is and how important it is to ground ourselves in the present moment. You ready for this?

I am.

Okay. So this story has many variations, but it goes something like this. "Once upon a time, a great king decided to challenge one of his ministers. He asked his humble servant to leave the kingdom and not to return until he found a very special ring. This ring could make a sad person happy, and a happy person sad. The king was convinced that this was an impossible mission, and that the minister would not be able to find such a ring. So the minister heads off on this mission and travels all over the kingdom. Years and years go by, and the king is sure that the minister will never return. But then one day, the minister walks through the gates of the kingdom. And the king says, 'Did you do it? Did you find the ring that can make a happy person sad, and a sad person happy?' The minister bows and hands the king a simple gold ring with three words inscribed on it: [foreign language 00:02:35], which translates to this too shall pass. The king smiled as he realized that both the joys and the pains of being would one day pass.

So Karan, how does this story strike you? What do you think about this idea that this too shall pass is how we can make a happy person sad, and a sad person happy?

It's so comforting, you know? When you're up close and personal, and when you maybe have just fallen down, all you can think about is having just hit the wall and how hard it hurts. And after some time you look at the rear view mirror, and you realize you found a way. I think it speaks to just such a critical part of my mindfulness journey, which has been around building resilience, and finding perspective, and figuring out ways to take a step back, not be triggered right in the moment, and sit with it for a bit and see where you land. I love that. I've actually never heard that version of the story, so thank you for sharing.

Oh, thanks for listening. I love it, too. It's brought me comfort for sure. Not only in terms of when things are tough, reminding myself that they won't last forever; but also when things are great, reminding myself that I should enjoy them because they don't last forever. So I'm with you on the reaction.

Today's pushup is all about reminding ourselves about this crazy life truth that all things, both good and bad, wonderful and difficult, joyful and painful, will pass. That life itself will pass, and thus, we should probably ground ourselves in the only moment we really have, which is this one.

So step one of this pushup, Karan, is to think of two things that you're dealing with. One of them should be a positive thing that maybe you worry about losing or wish would last forever; and one should be a tough thing that you've wished might end or are having trouble dealing with.

So for me, my positive thing is that I've been in pretty good health lately. I've been lucky not to catch the COVID, the dreaded COVID this season, despite making its rounds in my community. I sometimes run into kidney problems, and I haven't had any lately. And I've been doing a better job of exercising, so I'm feeling strong.

My tough thing is that I'm feeling pretty burned out. I'd say on average, I have about eight Zoom meetings every day, and I'm a little sick of only seeing people through a screen. So those are mine.

For those listening in, press pause here while you think of your examples, or keep listening to hear what Karan shares. So Karan, what is one positive thing you've been feeling or experiencing lately? And what's one tough thing?

My 90-year-old grandmother just came from India to visit, and I've been feeling just so grateful to get to spend real time with her. There's a few times over the last few years especially where I didn't think this would be possible, and that she'd be able to come out and visit with my family. And I've just felt so energized by getting a chance to spend some real time. She's been very transparent in saying that this might be the last. It's almost been such a good reminder to just be there and just be present with her. In the most seemingly mundane sort of situations that just have filled my cup in a pretty meaningful way. So I've loved that.

Amazing. I love that as the positive thing. What is a tough thing?

You took one of mine. My Zoom fatigue is real, but I won't go there again. I read a book recently called The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink, and I've been thinking a lot about the things that I regret. I think one of those has actually been building relationships with certain parts of my family that I've just lost touch with over the last few years. And it's been gnawing at me for a while. Really wanting to find a way to be more connected, but not feeling that right now; partially because of the challenges that COVID brings, but also partially because I just haven't made the time or haven't prioritized it.

So the tough thing is maybe a feeling of disconnection?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And a regret from not having that level of connection.

Well, those are amazing examples. Thank you so much for sharing those. So step two of our pushup is to take the tough thing you're experiencing, and to remind yourself about the impermanence of it. Because when we're in a tough moment or feeling, our minds can sometimes trick us into believing that it'll last forever. This is actually one of depression's sneakiest tactics. It can really make a person believe that they've always felt bad and that they always will.

So we'll take the tough thing, and we'll think about the fact that it won't last forever. So in my case, I remind myself that I won't always do all of my work through Zoom and that I won't always feel burned out. In fact, I have a vacation coming up, and it'll help with that a lot. And then once you've reminded yourself of that, think about whether or not it changes your feelings about that tough thing. When I remind myself that I have a vacation coming up, it gets a little easier to tolerate the discomfort of my busy schedule now.

So for those listening in, start with that. Karan, when you think about feeling a little disconnected right now, what does it look like to think through the impermanence of the situation?

I think back to my grandmother. I kind of felt so disconnected from her, and yet, here I am now getting a chance to spend time with her. And while that didn't feel possible two years ago, it happened. I wrote down just now, "It's actually as easy as a phone call away." It doesn't have to be that hard or that complicated. It could be a small step just to start to build a bridge of connection, and it could lead to something more meaningful.

I love that. And does that reminder change the way you think about the tough thing at all?

Yeah, it does. I think it's felt bigger in my head than it maybe needs to be, and having a conversation like this actually puts it into perspective that it could actually be a pretty small change that could have a lasting impact.

Oh, beautiful. That's exactly why we do these pushups. And so then the third step of this pushup is to now take the positive thing you've been experiencing, and to remind yourself of the impermanence of it. So for me, it's important, I think, to remind myself that I will not always be in good health. This might look like the inevitable illness I'll face at some point, like a flu or an injury, or it might look like the gradual or even sudden decline of health that all humans face at some point. And once you've done that, ground yourself in some gratitude that you have this wonderful thing right now. So I reminded myself, "Wow, what a blessing that I have good health right now." And it's so easy to not appreciate my health until it's gone. I tend not to notice that I'm healthy until I'm not healthy.

So I'm feeling really tangibly, grateful and present with my health in this moment, and that's a really nice feeling that I can draw on the next time I'm not feeling so well. I can remember, "Oh, but you have felt well, and you will again."

So for those listening in, go ahead and do this. Remind yourself of the impermanence of your positive feeling or experience, and then ground yourself in gratitude that you have it right now. So Karan, what does this look like for you? You spoke to it a little bit, but I'm curious what it feels like to think about this time with your grandma and her presence in your life and in this world. What comes up for you?

She sent me a text message just yesterday, and it said, "The only constant is change, Karan." It's a phrase I've heard so many times. It's certainly a meditation of mindfulness practice. It's something that you have as a mantra. And it was so powerful for her, because I think when I left her just this past weekend, she was emotional, as was I. But I think like you just described, Emily, I left with just incredible feeling of gratitude, that she had lived this incredible life, that she was this courageous woman, that she had so much story and so much presence, and that she had allowed me to do the things that I've been able to do. So it's been a great reminder just how powerful that space and that reflection can be.

Yeah. And I think, too, I mean, I hear you sort of reflecting on having had her in your life up till now, but I'm curious what it's like to sit in your gratitude that you do still have her in this moment. She is still here, and around, and accessible to you, and present with you. What's that feeling like?

That's a great reframe. What it tangibly feels like to me is that she's an incredible cook, and so I have been on this journey right now of documenting all of her recipes so I could relive them and relive the stories that she tells whenever she feeds us. So that's one tangible way through both my mind and my mouth when I think about the impact that she's had on me.

That's beautiful. And when life does what it does, and that truth is not as true at some point, you will have this moment of having really been present in her presence. So thank you so much for doing this pushup with me today, Karan. [foreign language 00:11:44], this too shall pass. And I cannot thank you enough for flexing your feels and breaking an emotional sweat with me today. It has been a pleasure as always.

Thank you so much, Emily.

Take care.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Thanks for listening to Emotionally Fit hosted by me, Dr. Emily Anhalt. New pushups drop every Tuesday and Thursday. Did you do today's Push-Up alongside me and my guest? Tweet your experience with the hashtag #EmotionallyFit and follow me at @DrEmilyAnhalt. Please rate, review, follow and share the show wherever you listen to podcasts. This podcast is produced by Coa, your gym for mental health, where you can take live, therapist-led classes online. From group sessions to therapist matchmaking, Coa will help you build your emotional fitness routine. Head to joincoa.com, that's join-c-o-a.com, to learn more. And follow us on Twitter and Instagram at @joinCoa. From StudioPod Media in San Francisco, our producer is Katie Sunku Wood. Music is by Milano. Special thanks to the entire Coa crew!