Welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. Today I'll talk to Ben. Ben realised that drinking was stopping him from reaching his full potential, so he took action. After one year off the beer he tried moderation, but it turned out that wasn't possible. So Ben stopped drinking in search of his authentic self, leading to a total career change and the realisation that he was actually a very capable and decent chap.

Hi everybody, I'm Victoria

and I don't drink.

2

Welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

3

Today I'll talk to Ben.

4

Ben realised that drinking was

stopping him from reaching his

5

full potential, so he took action.

6

After one year off the beer

he tried moderation, but it

7

turned out that wasn't possible.

8

So Ben stopped drinking in search of his

authentic self, leading to a total career

9

change and the realisation that he was

actually a very capable and decent chap.

10

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Hi, Ben.

11

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: Hi Vic.

12

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: It's

lovely to have you on the podcast today.

13

Thank you for persevering with me, with my

lost phone and rubbish diary management,

14

not being able to find anything.

15

, great to have you on.

16

it's really been wonderful

in the last few weeks.

17

I've actually had more men coming on the

podcast, which for me is really important

18

because I want to make sure that there

is a whole demographic covered out there.

19

I'm really grateful that you've

come on because often actually,

20

I Find it a bit harder to get men

who talk about their experiences.

21

So thank you for that.

22

from me and from anyone who's

listening, who I'm sure you're going

23

to help today by telling your story.

24

as we talked about before we

came on air, I was just wanted

25

to find out all about you.

26

who you were, when you were a drinker

and what led up to your decision to

27

stop drinking, a bit about how you

did it, all of that wonderful stuff.

28

I'll start, like I do, in all of my

podcasts, and just ask if you can

29

introduce yourself and tell us your story.

30

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: Absolutely.

31

my name is Ben Hill.

32

I am a positive psychology

performance coach, and an ex

33

corporate sales professional.

34

So I was in the enterprise

sales space for over 20 years.

35

my mission is to help the

person I was in that space.

36

There's a, there's a, there's a load of

people who are struggling with societal

37

expectations around who they think

they should be, how they think they

38

should perform, what they should say.

39

They should act the types of

jobs that they should be in.

40

And that sort of pressure, causes a lot

of internal conflicts, especially in

41

men, that sort of toxic masculinity.

42

it's not okay to speak up if you're

a guy, in fear of being shut down.

43

So effectively working with the

person that I was to, help remove.

44

self doubt, increased confidence

to help people perform better,

45

in, in their mindset relationships

and generally in life.

46

taking those experiences and, um,

being, being a nonjudgmental sounding

47

board to listen with authentic,

positive regard, and, ultimately help

48

people create strategies to increase

their wellbeing and live better.

49

for myself, I think.

50

where my strengths lie at

helping the person I was at.

51

That's where I've got

that life experience.

52

So 44 years of lived experiences in that.

53

so I can, I've got that, experience in,

helping the person I was at effectively.

54

And for me, It all sort of started with

this, call to adventure, if you like,

55

where I was on the outside, perceived

to be doing well, I had a good job.

56

a house, car, holidays, nice family.

57

But I felt like something was missing for

me that I wasn't being my authentic self.

58

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Mm-hmm

59

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

people pleasing.

60

my confidence was low.

61

I had lots of limiting beliefs, which,

you know, off the back of trauma

62

growing up, everyone has varying

levels of, of trauma and it can

63

impact others in many different ways.

64

And it's sort of some of

those compounded over time.

65

these were developing into, self

fulfilling prophecies in, in, in work.

66

It's starting to impact my, my career.

67

I wasn't showing up.

68

Being the best that I could be to, to

my family or, or, or my profession.

69

ultimately, I knew I could achieve more.

70

I wasn't aligned to my

values or my strengths.

71

I didn't know what that was.

72

I didn't know how to do it.

73

So I was suppressed and

unfulfilled despite these.

74

These, societal, sort of

tick boxes, if you like.

75

I, and, and there were fears around

not being good enough or smart enough

76

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Mm-hmm

77

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: placing

my self, self worth on, on others.

78

so it came a bit of a breaking point

really where yeah, over lockdown, I

79

think that happened for a lot of people

where I was, we were, we were put on,

80

on, on furlough and everything was

a big time for everyone, but I think

81

it started like a bit of holiday in a

sense where the weather was really nice.

82

We had all this time off and we'd

have a few drinks at the weekend.

83

And for me, I was a mid

lane drinker, right?

84

I was that.

85

That I wasn't dependent, I didn't have

a perceived problem with alcohol in

86

the sense that You would, you would

think that I woke up in the morning

87

scrambling around for cans of beer

88

But it did have a problem with me in

the sense that it impacted my clarity,

89

confidence, performance, my mood.

90

how I was showing up for my family,

my mental health, stress, self

91

belief, anxiety, that was huge.

92

And my weight was fluctuating.

93

And over lockdown, I sort of had a

question myself and said, how do I

94

want to come out at the end of this?

95

Because I was drinking more, we were at

home and alcohol is, it's in our DNA.

96

It's marketed to us, right?

97

From every angle, it's,

it's, it's formalized.

98

and if you're in eighties or nineties.

99

child, then, then it's, it's, you

know, you, that's what you do, but

100

we need to challenge that belief.

101

And that's what I did.

102

So I took a break.

103

I followed one year no beer, which

was quite big at the time There

104

was a 30 day, 90 day challenge.

105

I did the 90 days.

106

I then extended that to a year.

107

in that year, the benefits

that I saw enabled me to.

108

Set myself the challenge of

cycling to Lanzen, to John Groats.

109

So I spent sort of eight months training

for that, putting together the plan and

110

the roadmap as my skin got better, my

confidence, my sort of self-belief and

111

self-worth, and you, you sleep better, the

anxiety goes away and you start thinking

112

about all the other things you can

achieve all the time that you've got back.

113

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Mm-hmm.

114

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: So.

115

it was a bit of a revelation really.

116

and to fast forward, to where I'm at now.

117

So, so what, what happened at

that point after that year is

118

I went back to drinking, but

I thought I could control it.

119

I think everybody wants

to be able to control it.

120

I, I'm all or nothing.

121

I posted recently about a podcast

I had with somebody labeled that

122

urge to, we've got a busy mind that

urge to drink is the sesh gremlin.

123

you have that sort of

blow out mentality, right?

124

you don't, Drink like others you feel

like you're the only one that feels like

125

this I thought okay I've done a year.

126

I'm ready to give it another shot

But the same repeating patterns kept

127

emerging and over time and I was I was

back to my old which was, maybe the

128

odd drink during the week, not so much.

129

But come the weekends I was using alcohol,

you know, a few beers and a bottle of

130

wine, maybe, but it was enough for me.

131

I was using it to, uh, Um, and forget

as an excuse to, use as a crutch to not

132

deal with what I know now are my beliefs

and emotions it was really holding

133

me back and I just wanted to forget.

134

So I used it as an escape, told myself

that I'm going to relax knowing that.

135

it wasn't helping.

136

and so that led me to, the

beginning of this year where

137

I was really questioning my

138

place where I wanted to be that

midlife sort of, discovery it

139

was really that crossroads for me

where I knew I was meant for more.

140

There was something missing.

141

I wasn't being authentic I need to

do something to break out from what's

142

holding me back to remove these barriers.

143

I'd done quite a bit of work

in between on my inner self.

144

I started a coaching course.

145

I decided that's what I wanted to

do at the beginning of the year.

146

in positive psychology coaching, which

also had an alcohol free accreditation

147

that for me was a real turning point

because it enabled me to connect with

148

a really good group of people to align

with what it was that I wanted to do.

149

The person I'm becoming.

150

To reinforce my reasons for, accept

myself to improve my confidence.

151

I gave up alcohol.

152

That's been nearly seven months now.

153

I've since left my 20

year corporate career.

154

I've improved in, in pretty

much every area of my life.

155

I've did a lot of work on my values and my

strengths, which became really emotional,

156

Vic, because once you establish,

157

I guess, who you are and the types of

things that align with the person you

158

want to be with your strengths, then,

It just becomes, a massive light bulb

159

moment because I'd been swimming upstream

for 20 odd years, doing things that

160

didn't align with my true self and I

wasn't applying my Strengths to that.

161

So everything seemed like it

was harder than it should be.

162

putting a lot of hard work into, the

person I wanted to be aligning with the

163

strengths and values to reframe those

limiting beliefs that were holding me

164

back to help me serve, and become a,

positive psychology coach in order to help

165

others, which brings me to, where I'm at.

166

And there's no.

167

Get a magic bullet, right?

168

I had my struggles.

169

I asked for more for myself.

170

I drew from past wins.

171

I sought help from a coach.

172

I've reframed my mindset, really worked

still putting in the work on the, on

173

the thoughts that trigger my emotions

and lead to unhelpful behaviors, but

174

the growth and gains I've seen in my

personal development, physical and mental

175

conditioning, the approach to who I

am, my relationships with myself, and

176

the person I wanted to be was all that.

177

It was always there and now I'm there.

178

So yeah, I'll take a pause

at that point because, uh,

179

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

yeah, gosh, amazing, isn't it?

180

When you look back how much potentially it

was holding you back you have no idea, I

181

don't think when you first stop drinking,

I think you think that's all you're doing.

182

You're just stopping drinking alcohol.

183

You're no longer gonna take

part in drinking alcohol.

184

What I don't think you'd do, Realize that

that early stage just how transformative

185

that can be for so many different reasons.

186

And I think the values stuff

and aligning with your values,

187

that's all applied to me as well.

188

And feeling good about yourself.

189

So doing things that make

you feel good about yourself.

190

drinking never made me

feel good about myself.

191

not as I got older when I was

younger, it did, and it was fine.

192

it was all whizzy and bangy

and I didn't really have any.

193

We have any negative associations

with it at all, probably like many

194

young people, but say that for many

years, I had these nagging doubts

195

about it, that it wasn't really

making me the best version of myself.

196

And for all sorts of different

reasons, I could be a right pain.

197

When I was drunk I also lost everything.

198

I'd forget stuff.

199

Like, I was just fairly useless.

200

I was not, I was not a useful drunk.

201

and then I'll just have these

horrible feelings about myself.

202

The next day I would always think that I

was this awful person I never appreciated

203

at the time how damaging that was, but

to wake up and just think that you're

204

an awful person, whether it's every

weekend or every day, to be telling

205

yourself that all the time is so negative

it really held me back in my life,

206

It wasn't just about the drinking.

207

I mean, about myself and the view that

I had of myself and my capabilities.

208

I've said before on the podcast, it made

me believe that all those good things,

209

like the good careers, you know, the

important careers, all of the, you know,

210

interesting stuff in life, the really

people who are really good at that.

211

Running or really good at swimming

or could, I don't know, traveled

212

the world, all of those things

where they weren't really for

213

me because I wasn't good enough.

214

that all came from this

negative self perception.

215

I do blame that on alcohol.

216

I think that came from drinking,

and probably started even when I

217

wasn't drinking than anyone else.

218

I think it didn't align with me, how it

made me feel, made me feel fairly rubbish.

219

So it's interesting hear you tell

that story of a similar experience.

220

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

yeah, I'm glad it resonates.

221

and I think we spend a lot

of time burying our emotions.

222

it is normalized and we

often drink to forget.

223

We've got reasons why we do it.

224

If we all know if we, we, So we've

got a problem with alcohol, even if

225

it's just a few drinks, it's going to

stop us from performing at our best.

226

and when we take a pause, sometimes that's

quite difficult because we've got these

227

emotions bubbling up to the surface that

we now have to deal with but to your

228

point, when we've spent years placing

our self worth and value on others, it's

229

a revelation when we can start to feel

better about ourselves and acknowledge

230

our strengths, and look at ourselves and

reflect on the past with curiosity and

231

kindness, rather than berating ourselves

232

A

233

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

definitely.

234

I mean, you can't live your life

regretting everything about yourself.

235

And actually, you know, that I was

I wasn't a terrible person at all.

236

Those things that I told

myself weren't true.

237

I know now that they weren't true.

238

I think a lot of people

probably need to hear that.

239

So it's a good thing that

you've talked about that.

240

Because there were lots

of people out there.

241

And I know from, sober friends that

I have who really beat themselves up.

242

know about either things that they've

done or just where their life went or

243

the things they've missed out on real

regret, like real, harrowing regret.

244

and I don't actually live like that.

245

I think did what I did

and it all got me here.

246

now all I can really

do is just be proud of.

247

Some of the steps that I've taken to

change my life for the better and to

248

help other people to change theirs.

249

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: question

that I ask people that, that I work

250

with, or even, in conversation with

would be what's a more helpful thought.

251

when I think about, people persecuting

themselves over past mistakes, it's

252

ultimately, you know, a mode we

replace for emotions, good and bad,

253

but it's how we respond to these.

254

We're only ever in control of Our

thoughts, beliefs and actions.

255

it's the narrative, the

story we tell ourselves.

256

the mindset.

257

I truly believe we are exactly

where we're meant to be.

258

All these lived experiences made

me super resilient and made me the

259

person I am to be in a position,

to be able to help others.

260

I expect the same is for you where

we're now speaking and we can share our

261

stories to inspire even just one person.

262

Ultimately, the people that you speak

about who may be in a bit of a negative

263

cycle, on reflection and with a little

bit of work would ultimately see the same.

264

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

And so you were mid lane

265

drinker, so grey area drinker.

266

the two I think are synonymous,

I think it's a similar thing

267

and you gave up for that year.

268

What was the thought process

you were going through when you?

269

Decided to drink again.

270

did you want to be able to moderate?

271

Did you think it was going

to be different that time?

272

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

Yeah, good question.

273

subconsciously, I was telling

myself I was going to drink again.

274

Anyway, I wanted to do the year.

275

I think For anyone wanting to take a

break, a tactical break, reevaluate the

276

relationship, even just starting with 30

days to realize the benefits is enough.

277

I think telling yourself it's forever

is often too much to chew after all.

278

We're not again, you know, scrambling

around looking for drinks in the

279

morning, but you don't have to be

to have a problem with alcohol.

280

for me, it was.

281

I hadn't done the real inner work.

282

I wasn't ready at that point.

283

I thought I could moderate, just have a

couple, but deep down I knew I couldn't.

284

And so it wasn't until I started

looking at doing the work with my

285

values and strengths that I didn't

have to comply with, societal norms or

286

the societal matrix in the corporate

space, it's, it can be, it's not for

287

everyone, but it can be quite toxic.

288

there is a stigma around,

men's mental health as well.

289

We don't show emotions and it's stifling.

290

We, at least from, you know,

struggling with emotions as well.

291

it could be, anger and suppressing

that, not knowing how to deal with

292

it because men don't show emotions.

293

We just bury it and do more.

294

that perceived sort of, hunter gatherer,

we just take on more, bury it and

295

move on and keep working harder.

296

It's that hustle culture which isn't

helping anybody and that's where I

297

was and I was very much part of that.

298

It believed in it and it was, it

wasn't until I challenged that, that

299

I felt free to be able to remove.

300

To remove the alcohol just wasn't

serving me and the fog and lack of

301

clarity that followed me around on a

Monday and Tuesday and then Wednesday

302

I'd start feeling almost human.

303

My exercise would return and sleep

and then Thursday I'd feel ready.

304

And then I may have a glass of wine on

a Thursday and then on Friday, I'd be

305

back to those, those, those patterns.

306

ultimately, why was I drinking

on a Friday, Saturday?

307

Because I'd had a really hard week.

308

I wanted to forget everything,

tell myself I'd earned it, and

309

forget about the week coming up.

310

So if you think about the Sunday

scaries, Bury that, you know, to rock

311

up on a Sunday and I'd have a bit

of a hangover and what would I do?

312

I'd try and feel normal again.

313

I don't have a couple of beers, but it

just sort of suppresses that feeling

314

and alcohol is a depressant, right?

315

It messes with our neurotransmitters

as well and all sorts of other slightly

316

health, health, issues and just led

into Monday, dragged that into Monday.

317

I'm, you know, feeling, feeling

you know, like, like craps.

318

I wasn't willing to

deal with the situation.

319

I wasn't ready.

320

So it was, it was coming from

a place of, not facing up to my

321

reasons why, and dealing with that,

that ultimately that, that trauma.

322

I hadn't had enough pain,

effectively, I think.

323

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

So what did you do differently?

324

for the second time, you took the year,

presumably you learned quite a lot from

325

that year anyway, went back, how long

were you drinking for again before you

326

decided knock it on the head again?

327

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: so I did, it

was a couple of years actually on and off.

328

So doing months off, months off there,

and it was a compound effect of these

329

breaks and mindset effectively that

led to me, wanting to do it again.

330

I'd had various.

331

I was giving up or taking breaks every

month or I felt like every month,

332

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: hmm.

333

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: less

and less and the older, as in like the

334

volume of alcohol that I'd have, but age

relation, whatever I used to get really

335

bad hangovers and, the severity of the

hangovers, was still quite heightened.

336

Yeah.

337

Yeah.

338

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

Oh, my hangovers were horrendous.

339

I wouldn't wish a hangover on anyone.

340

And I know some people say they've got

a hangover, but they're like doing a

341

run or they're managing to walk around

the park with a coffee or something.

342

When I was hungover, I was in bed.

343

I was like, this is horrendous.

344

I hated having a hangover.

345

I couldn't deal with it.

346

Then you're right with age.

347

It did definitely get worse.

348

And I also don't think it was,

I wasn't drinking anymore.

349

I think my body just did

not cope at all with it.

350

Oh, so it, so it's kind of built up then.

351

So you had your year, then you were

on and off for a couple of years.

352

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: that

led to, me challenging the life that

353

I wanted to live moving forward.

354

I wanted to build a life I wasn't running

away from We get to a point where we get

355

tired of building someone else's dream.

356

there's no, no fluff here.

357

We actually, you know, I believe

everybody's got their, The

358

ability to create positive change.

359

We have these dreams, goals, desires.

360

when we were younger, maybe

we don't reach them all.

361

we bury those in favor of

doing what we need to do.

362

We have a family wife.

363

We want to we get maybe a bit.

364

unfitter.

365

and those goals are still there.

366

Maybe we want to do a marathon.

367

Maybe we want to get that promotion.

368

Maybe we want to improve our

relationships, be a better dad, be a

369

better husband, And it's that same sort of

most men live a life of quiet desperation.

370

And I think, that's often true.

371

We don't show up for ourselves.

372

We don't speak up.

373

We know we're capable of more.

374

And for me, it was ultimately At that

point it was that crossroads where I

375

was like, I need to do something now.

376

or I won't.

377

And so that's where I put a lot of work

into to effectively try and establish

378

what it was that I wanted to do.

379

I always knew I wanted to give back.

380

I saw emotions as being weak.

381

I, I'd done some coaching before through

CrossFit and it wasn't until I saw, the

382

advertisement for the course like eight

months before that that started to sort of

383

resonate and bury its way into my brain.

384

And.

385

When the students ready, the teacher would

appear, you can't force these things.

386

And I, I put it, put

it off and put it off.

387

And it was like, right, I'm

going to do this in the new year.

388

And I did.

389

that was the catalyst.

390

It was like evaluating my mindset.

391

I was sort of fixed,

392

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Yeah.

393

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: challenging

these cravings, asking myself who

394

I wanted to be, thinking about the.

395

behaviors behind that.

396

And as my confidence grew, and I

got further into what I knew I was

397

going to do where I was removing that

I was going to leave the corporate

398

life and set myself up as a coach

initially just as a side hustle.

399

But once that passion grew, I really

aligned with the person that I am

400

with my values, with my beliefs.

401

then that was when enough was enough.

402

and I haven't looked back since.

403

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

Some really brave decisions.

404

I'm also from a sales,

corporate sales background.

405

I'm still in the same company, but I

do a different role, which is much more

406

aligned to my values now, interestingly.

407

part of that is coaching as well.

408

I did my coaching qualifications and

they sat very comfortably with me.

409

There seems to be something around people

who perhaps drink too much and people

410

pleasing comes up time and again, and

to transform that from something that is

411

unhealthy, people pleasing to actually

supporting people in a coaching capacity.

412

There's something around that interests

me because I hear it time and again.

413

for me, it was definitely a thing.

414

It's like it scratches that itch

without being a damaging trait.

415

It becomes a very positive trait.

416

That you can utilize in your life

and really help other people.

417

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: Yeah,

I mean, people pleasing for me in

418

the corporate space was fear of

not being good enough smart enough,

419

good looking enough, fast enough.

420

We're placing our self worth.

421

and value to others.

422

And again, it's following

those societal norms and we're

423

not aligned with ourselves.

424

So we get pissed off and

bury that through booze.

425

we disassociate ourselves from others.

426

we feel undeserving

and that, that sort of.

427

You know, the people pleasing, the

saying yes to everything, fear of not

428

being liked, they're limiting beliefs,

they're not true, you are smart

429

enough, good looking enough, strong

enough, fit enough, or you have the

430

power to get there, we need to remove

these limiting beliefs and fears.

431

And when you are aligned, easier

said than done sometimes, but when

432

you, put in the work, and even if

this is sort of a side hustle to

433

align with those goals with crystal

clear intent, then life gets easier.

434

what I mean by crystal clear intent

is when we set ourselves, really

435

lofty goals for the week ahead.

436

I'll do all these things.

437

I'll be like, right, I'm not

going to drink this weekend.

438

I'm going to do X, Y, and Z.

439

And by the end of the week, if

I didn't do them all, you just

440

make yourself feel like crap.

441

because you haven't done them and

then, Oh, I might as well have a drink.

442

When you think about the types of things

you want to achieve and set realistic

443

goals, even small ones, and you recognize

and acknowledge yourself for these,

444

that compounds and so our self esteem

gets, gets, you know, stronger and self

445

worth and then our confidence grows.

446

And then we like the person

we see in the mirror.

447

We're more energized for the day ahead.

448

And that desire to people please

are our shoulders go back.

449

We stand tall.

450

We adopt a stronger stance because we're

starting to believe in the narrative.

451

The old one doesn't exist.

452

That really is the outcome and benefit

of removing alcohol because you're

453

not stuck in this vicious cycle of

low mood, low energy and anxiety.

454

Each time

455

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

The liking yourself part is a

456

really important part, isn't it?

457

I definitely noticed that I went from

probably really not liking myself

458

very much So now I'm like, actually,

I'm all right, you know, this isn't,

459

it's not all, it's not all bad.

460

And also people, you know, you,

you, like you say, congratulate

461

yourself on small things.

462

I think.

463

Tools wise for me, I'll ask you

about your tools in a minute as well.

464

And I think particularly you'd

advise for somebody trying, but.

465

You know, for me to recognize how well

I was doing I needed connection for that

466

because at the beginning very much, I

needed people to be telling me, well done,

467

you're doing well, I don't know if that

came from my sales background or if it's

468

just somewhere inside that I like to be

told that I'm doing well at something.

469

but certainly my.

470

connections that I had in a group

that I joined an online group.

471

gave me that dopamine hit I started

blogging and putting my energy

472

into that, writing it all down.

473

Like, let's look how well I'm doing.

474

It was, it was lovely.

475

And I kind of developed this, I

don't drink as my sign off for my.

476

blog and then that became who I was.

477

And then it was just this really, as

you say, sort of compounding thing.

478

It just got bigger and bigger.

479

And all of a sudden I was

like addicted to not drinking.

480

It was like, well, this

is a much healthier way.

481

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

you sign that off with, I don't

482

drink, it gets reinforced.

483

And I heard you talking about William

Porter and those, neural pathways that

484

we create through drinking those old

habits, which are the emotions that

485

we hang on to when we replace those

with healthier ones, life gets better.

486

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

it really does.

487

So, you've talked about your story.

488

It sounds like it wasn't massively

challenging for you to stop

489

because you were really ready.

490

So I suppose in a way that's a.

491

It's almost like isn't it?

492

To be really ready for it, and you

had stopped and tried and stopped, and

493

then when you were really ready, was

there anything that you found really

494

difficult when you said, right, that's it?

495

or did it come fairly naturally

because you'd done the work?

496

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

No, it was hard.

497

there's strategies that you can

deploy, like knowing your why, writing

498

down all your reasons for, I don't

want to feel like crap, I don't

499

want to, you know, look like crap.

500

I want a better relationship, I want

to lose weight, I want a better sex

501

life, all of these things that compound.

502

you could write a North Star, I want to be

two stone lighter, and I had my reasons I

503

was stressed and at the edge of burnout.

504

there were triggers in the early stages,

like boredom, loneliness, and tiredness.

505

So on a hot summer's day, when I'd left

my corporate job and I was a month into

506

this journey and I'd, that was it, it

was like one o'clock in the afternoon.

507

I was bored.

508

I wasn't expecting to finish then.

509

I was lonely.

510

No one was in the house.

511

I was pretty tired cause it was a Friday.

512

Understanding that, but recognizing that

as well really helped me challenge that

513

temporary thought and do something else.

514

Once I'd done that, I knew I could carry

on that was the most difficult one for me.

515

so knowing that those are temporary

and challenging some of these beliefs.

516

writing down my perceived

benefits of drinking?

517

helps me relax, helps me sleep,

which it doesn't, helps me socialize.

518

I do it at work.

519

it helps me get a promotion,

network, whatever it is to you.

520

Think about it on a scale and then

on the flip side of that other side

521

of the scale, write down all the

consequences of that, how it's hurting

522

you, how it's impacting your sleep,

your weight, your relationships.

523

bank balance.

524

And then all the outcomes of taking

a break, what the benefits of all

525

the outcomes of taking a break.

526

So thinking about that was, and adopting

a growth mindset was really important

527

to me and it just gets so much easier.

528

I'm not a preach, alcohol free preacher.

529

I may go, I may have another drink.

530

I'm not gonna say it's forever.

531

I'm just right now.

532

It's not serving me.

533

I've managed to lead the business, set

up my own coaching business, fitter,

534

faster, stronger than ever before.

535

People recognized and commented,

and complimented me on my,

536

outlook, my positivity.

537

It's not all hip dippy woo woo stuff.

538

It's just general, approach

to life and conversations.

539

I'm up every morning earlier.

540

I'm achieving a lot more I'm not

getting up at five o'clock to do it

541

all, but, things just get easier.

542

So just trust in yourself again,

each person I do believe has, has the

543

ability to create positive change.

544

there are lots of podcasts and books out

there as well, like this one, knowing

545

and hearing that you're not the only one.

546

You're not weird or strange or on

your own for having these thoughts.

547

It's natural.

548

So, reach out to people and leverage

your network and just talk about

549

it because that really helps.

550

There's some great apps out there

as well, like dry and one year,

551

no beer to get you part of that

community to support the early stages.

552

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

those tools of reinforcing

553

your whys and, and, and.

554

And negating those thoughts

that, you know, that it does

555

do those things for you.

556

For example, it makes me more social.

557

Actually, what I've realized

since I've stopped is that I'm

558

perfectly social without it.

559

I've always been perfectly social.

560

In fact, going for a coffee with

my friends was always, but more

561

fun than going for the wine.

562

And actually there was an element of

anxiety about the times I was going

563

out for the wine because I wasn't

sure if I was going to drink too much.

564

then I wasn't really very social

because I felt really embarrassed.

565

So the things that I thought

it gave me, it really didn't.

566

There was no truth in those

things that I had told myself.

567

when I, was doing the

trailer for this podcast.

568

I was trying to get across how life

is just so much better when you stop.

569

I hate the preachy thing.

570

I don't want to preach at people.

571

A lot of my friends still drink.

572

I love them dearly and

do not judge them for it.

573

but what I do want people to know

is they just unimaginably better.

574

My life is since I stopped drinking I

wasn't someone who was on a park bench.

575

I was someone who probably drank too

many nights of the week, a bit too

576

much, a bit more than my friends.

577

I don't like, I really don't think I

was different from a lot of people and

578

my life has transformed completely.

579

So that's a message for people to.

580

Consider you're not losing something.

581

If you decide to stop this, you actually

end up gaining an awful lot and actually

582

for you to consider as well, I suppose if

you're thinking, well, you know, I might

583

go back to it what's there to go back to.

584

It's an interesting question.

585

Like, that's what I asked myself as well.

586

would I ever drink again?

587

If I was told, right, you're,

you've got 10 weeks to live.

588

I think, Oh, would I have some wine?

589

And interestingly.

590

Coming up to year three now.

591

answer now is no.

592

I'd enjoy that 10 weeks

doing really good stuff.

593

I never really thought

that I would feel this way.

594

It's fascinating, isn't it?

595

What it does.

596

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: Agreed.

597

There's a joy of missing

out Jomo versus Fomo now.

598

And I do have that love, hate,

sometimes of that emotional connection

599

to, Oh, I'd love a beer by the fire

Guinness or whatever with somebody.

600

And it's, that's just a thought.

601

And we're in control of our thoughts.

602

And then, you know, what is that thought?

603

How am I feeling when I feel that?

604

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Yeah.

605

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

then the belief around that.

606

Do I actually believe it?

607

What are the consequences of doing that?

608

And then the action, like what's actually

gonna, for that hour or something, when I

609

get that dopamine hit, my body's already,

you know, the depressants already kicking

610

in, the alcohol's leaving my body.

611

What's the knock on effect

of that in the moment?

612

Potentially an argument, sleeping poorly,

overeating, and then the next day.

613

So when you actually pause for thought.

614

there's lots of reasons against for sure.

615

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

tool, isn't it?

616

To just take a breath and play it forward.

617

Where does it go?

618

What does it actually achieve?

619

Yeah.

620

So, I wanted you to just say something

about your coaching business as

621

well, because, it's something

that I think coaching is amazing.

622

and I've heard a lot of good

stuff about Andy Ramage as well.

623

So if you've done, some of

his training courses, I'm sure

624

that you're a very good coach.

625

Could you just let us know

what it is that's available?

626

If there was someone who wanted to

contact you, how they could do that.

627

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: So

I'm a positive psychology coach,

628

typically helping, with mindset,

business relationships and health.

629

I've got a triple accredited diploma

in positive psychology coaching

630

and alcohol free performance.

631

And sometimes businesses, invite

me into BART, boost staff morale,

632

enhance retention and ensure

wellbeing and profit margins stay

633

high I post every day on LinkedIn.

634

you can find me at, askmorecoaching.

635

co.

636

uk.

637

My email is ben at askmorecoaching.

638

co.

639

uk.

640

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523: Okay,

I'll definitely look you up on LinkedIn.

641

I don't think I've linked in with you yet.

642

So I will be doing that.

643

for anyone listening, if you're

looking for some coaching,

644

you've got all Ben's details.

645

all that's left is for me to say,

thank you, for coming on and spending

646

your time with me, sharing your story.

647

I believe there are people out

there who listen to each podcast

648

that anyone makes, feel connected.

649

And as we were saying, probably before

we came on, feel less weird, more

650

normal, and hopefully very positive

about the conversation we've had today.

651

I'm so grateful.

652

Thank you.

653

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523:

Let's hope so.

654

Absolutely.

655

If we can just help one

person, then we'll be happy.

656

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

One person at a time will

657

change the world, Ben.

658

That'll be it.

659

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: Absolutely.

660

vic-host853_1_12-20-2024_131523:

Thank you so much.

661

ben-hill_1_12-20-2024_131523: Thanks Vic.

662

Thank you for listening.

663

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

664

If this episode helped you,

Please like share and follow.

665

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

666

Dot com.

667

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

668

A F stories@outlook.com.

669

And don't forget.

670

You can make your catch phrase.

671

I don't drink.