My guest today is Brenda Fredericks, mother and former middle school teacher turned Transformational Coach. She is the founder of Body Love, a method designed to show women how to create a new healthy relationship with their bodies so they can experience more joy, ease, and sexiness in their lives.
As a body love skeptic myself Brenda’s boldness about her journey intrigued me.
Here’s a bit of how she talks about the journey to who she is now:
“And with each iteration of ME, I have gotten closer to my core.
At the beginning of my journey, I was afraid. I thought I would lose something by following my deepest desires, but it turns out the opposite is true.
What has happened instead is that I keep becoming more and more aligned with my self. My relationships are deep and rich and I have way more joy.
I have become a woman I deeply trust.”
We had a deep and conversation and Brenda got raw and real talking about her 52 year-old body, bathing suit shopping, the thong woman who changed her life, and grieving the younger bodies we no longer have.
On the subject of body love and intimacy:
“Intimacy isn’t just sexual, it can happen in a conversation with a friend but if you are walking around with the weight of “God, they're looking at my wrinkles or I wonder if I look fat?” you meet a friend for lunch, then that's there. That's also present in the encounter, in the relationship experience, and that's not allowing for the full juiciness of it. It robs the encounter of intimacy.”
Our conversation covered relationships with others and wanting to be right vs recognizing an ego moment.
How to quell an argument or avoid it: Brenda says, “one of the biggest skills that I learned in intimacy in conversation was when you're stuck with someone when things are heated, to just say ‘You know what? I don't know what to say right now.’ And that adds breath to a conversation. It's just a little tool that I use when I remember.
It's a vulnerable thing to do and vulnerability is a superpower.”
Have you ever asked your body what it wants? Rather than wearing an outfit because it’s “expected” check in and find out what would feel good.
That’s body love.
Brenda offers a class called Reveal which has a daily practice component. It’s open to men and women and it’s for people who want to work with their mind and not necessarily believe their thoughts, people who want to come to the table and have connection and see what's possible.
“We do writing and meditation and practices that help us reflect on our behavior, who we are, and letting go of our fears so we can access our desires. It's like a little mini transformation every day” Brenda told us.
We moved on to the importance of right mindset. How we view our day, and how we choose to see our experience of aging, is just as important as the actual physical process and trying to take care of the body.
To close I asked Brenda what she would say to someone who’s new to the idea of body love.
“Just being with where you are right now, in this moment, just being with what's true in this moment. You know, whatever it is, whether it's grief, or joy, or I'm scared, or I want to make a change, or my ass is too big, or I love my breasts, whatever it is, just, like what's true for you. And just be with that.” She offered a simple exercise too. You’ll have to tune in to get it.