The foundation for us to overcome a variety of different areas of our lives not only rests on what we set out to do as goals and aspirations for a particular day, but also who we associate ourselves with that will be our support. Being able to find those individuals (or even groups for that matter) can take significant amounts of time, especially if there are roadblocks that stand in the way to create these meaningful relationships. However, prioritizing the energy to create these types of people and groups can help not only in the physical sense, but in the mental sense as well. Today, Matthew Magiapane, a successful speaker and owner of MJM Wellness, discusses his passion for helping others to bring the best versions of others out of them, and how a supporting person can truly make all the difference in creating value in our every day lives. By spending this quality time, not only will it bring the benefits described earlier, but will be the start of something amazing to help you in all facets of your life.

Guest Bio

Matthew Mangiapane is a skilled motivational speaker with 12+ years of experience as a Marriage & Family Therapist. He works with groups, individuals, couples and families to teach coping skills, focus on solutions, re-think how they approach stressors, and connect with their supports to work together on their recovery. Matthew is life-long Long Islander and a devoted husband to his wife of five years and father to two toddler boys.

Website: https://www.mjmwellnessny.com

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/mjmwellnessny/

@mjmwellnessny on Instagram

• National Suicide Lifeline (988) (https://988lifeline.org/) - This dedicated webpage talks about the various amount of resources that are available when dealing with a mental health crisis of any kind. DO NOT DO IT ALONE! Find resources in your area (even outside of the United States) if you need assistance with a crisis.

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

2

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

3

This is Speaking From The Heart.

4

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 130 of Speaking from the Heart.

5

Today we have Matthew Magiapane with us,

and Matthew is a skilled motivational

6

speaker with 12 plus years of experience

as a marriage and family therapist.

7

He works with groups, individuals,

couples, and families to teach

8

coping skills, focus on solutions,

rethink how they approach stressors,

9

and connect with their supports to

work together on their recovery.

10

Matthew is a lifelong Long Islander

in New York, and is a devoted

11

husband to his wife of five years

and a father to two toddler boys.

12

I think in this episode we really

try to dig into a way to be heard,

13

and being heard in my realm of public

speaking is completely different from

14

somebody that works intimately with a

relationship or even family coaching

15

atmosphere for that matter, but even

therapy in itself takes a whole other

16

dimension, in which, if it wasn't for

even therapists in my life to get me to

17

where I am, I don't think I would even be

able to have a lot of the conversations

18

very openly about what we need to do

to be able to work through some of the

19

crises that we walk into in our lives.

20

Matthew's perspective on a whole variety

of different things that he works with to

21

even create that association, let alone

even create the excitement to be able to

22

move that path forward, and his clients,

and my clients' perspectives, all have

23

different ways to move into that whole

new world that we can all experience, but

24

we have to remember that even if we have

all these different starts and stops that

25

we have going on in our lives, it's all

about how we keep moving forward, how we

26

can keep pushing ourselves to see things

that we never thought we could see inside

27

of ourselves, especially if we're trying

to function in this ever changing world.

28

But with that, let's go to the episode.

29

All right.

30

We're here with Matthew Magiapane.

31

Matthew, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

32

Matthew: And thank you.

33

It's really a pleasure to be here.

34

Joshua: Absolutely.

35

I thank you so much, and from somebody

that is a motivational speaker and also

36

a therapist, I'm excited about this

interplay that you have to share with our

37

audience today, so Matthew, I've already

let a little bit out of the bag with what

38

you provide to our audience with what you

have shared with us, but I really want

39

to start off with the fact that you've

been a motivational speaker for over

40

12 years, and it's funny, because I've

been learning the craft of speaking for

41

the same amount of time, so I'm kind of

curious what got you into the speaking

42

world and what helped you to really

share some of the content that you share

43

with your audience, and maybe you can

share what some of those subjects are.

44

Matthew: Sure, so motivational speaking

and speaking in front of crowds was

45

not something that came easy for me.

46

I recall the classes we had to take

in even as early as high school

47

where you would do public speaking

and attempt to learn how to stand in

48

front of an audience and not wave your

hands too much and not yell too loud.

49

I was always incredibly nervous,

incredibly shy about it, and I recall this

50

class I took in college and undergrad.

51

It was an economics class and each one of

us had to present about a specific topic.

52

It was maybe a 5 to 10

minute conversation.

53

We just got up in front of the class

and spoke very simple and I remember,

54

nervous, nervous, nervous up until

I got up in front of the classroom

55

and I looked around and It was that

moment where I just said, "Hey.

56

I'm in the same boat

all these people are in.

57

We're all nervous about this.

58

Half the time, we're not

even totally listening.

59

We're stuck in our own little worlds

too.", and that anxiety maybe not

60

went away completely, but it really

dissipated, and ever since then, I

61

found it a lot easier to just get up

in front of people and talk or get

62

in front of groups and run groups,

which I've done in the past as well.

63

I've talked about different topics,

more or less in the mental health field.

64

One of the earliest conversations that

I had was in front of a classroom of

65

students just talking about what it looks

like after you finish grad school and

66

try to get into the work field, because

that's always something, especially in the

67

mental health field, a lot of students are

concerned about what's out there for them.

68

What are they going to find?

69

Are they going to be successful?

70

Can they shift around if

something's not working?

71

What's it look like really job hunting

in the 1st place, and one of the most

72

recent ones I've done, I was in a

conference in the city for an agency

73

that I also work for, where we were

talking about- it's called CISM.

74

It is a crisis intervention team.

75

C.

76

I.

77

S.

78

M.

79

It's nationally recognized, and my

direct supervisor is trained in and

80

had brought me on to the team not

long after I started in that agency,

81

so I shared parts of that particular

subject where we're talking about how

82

we will respond to crisis situations.

83

It was a group of about 200 people

in the room and we set up a panel,

84

and I explored how we would meet with

clients when there's a crisis or how we

85

handle things with other staff members.

86

When you're working in this field,

there are things that can happen

87

very unexpectedly, and sometimes very

traumatic, and having a team like that

88

internally that allows us to respond to

people who are struggling is something

89

that you don't see everywhere, so it was

a great chance to share something that

90

really is very unique to our agency.

91

Joshua: I had a friend from

college many years ago.

92

We kind of lost contact, but she used to

do crisis intervention work, and I know

93

that work was certainly being developed

at that time, even just a decade ago.

94

It was a newer concept, although

it's been around for many years.

95

I think the level of importance

for it has been gaining significant

96

traction, and I'm curious.

97

What has been maybe the- I don't

want to say the weirdest thing, but

98

maybe the craziest thing that you've

experienced being part of that team

99

that when I say the word "crazy", it

might have had a lot of high intensity.

100

It might have had a lot of

different moving factors.

101

Obviously, I don't want you to share

any of those names because I know that

102

that's confidential, but I wonder if you

could share a little bit of that unique

103

experience that you had for our audience.

104

Matthew: Sure, so I've had some situations

happen to me directly where there's

105

been physical altercations between

residents that have happened at some

106

of the sites that I've overseen, and

with some of the teams that I've worked

107

with, sadly, we've experienced some

deaths and some very unexpected ones.

108

I currently work within a program that

houses homeless veterans and provides

109

mental health services on top of that,

and over the years that I've been in that

110

field, in that particular agency, we've

seen a number of substance abuse deaths.

111

One particular instance, one of my

staff members had been walking the

112

property and saw that somebody's

door was open and she swore she

113

saw a pair of shoes sticking out.

114

She went over there, and sadly found

that that person had passed away,

115

and that was a traumatic thing.

116

It was something we

discussed very in depth.

117

It was one of her clients that she had

only worked with for a short period of

118

time, but had been developing a good

working relationship with him, and we

119

explored what that's like to not only walk

into a kind of situation like that with

120

seeing somebody who is either incredibly

medically compromised, or had passed away,

121

and having that relationship with them

where you're meeting them on a weekly

122

basis, talking about how they're trying to

improve their lives, what they're doing to

123

move forward, and it's very difficult not

to get attached to some of our clients.

124

I've had clients in private practice

that I've seen for multiple years,

125

and at some point, the therapeutic

relationship ended mutually, but it was

126

a very difficult thing, because these

are people that you get very attached

127

to, and you see their growth, and

you see the positivity, and so forth.

128

Really, when you're dealing with crisis

situations, there's so many facets to it

129

that come into play, and unfortunately,

it's a crisis management team, because

130

there's trauma and crisis that happens

and we have moments where it's just

131

like I've said, a fight between two

residents that we have to get in between.

132

I had a big physical altercation

happen at a Christmas party

133

that we were hosting once.

134

That was quite interesting.

135

Joshua: I should have thought that

Christmas would come into play here

136

because that's like the biggest

holiday that a lot of mental health

137

issues occur for obvious reasons;

lost family, things of that nature.

138

Yeah.

139

Matthew: Mmhmm.

140

Yeah.

141

We had two people that just did not

get along, and they just could not

142

deescalate, and we had a number of staff

involved, and it was quite a sight.

143

Thankfully, nobody was seriously hurt,

but that would be the most unusual

144

one I've been through because it was

such a pleasant evening, and then all

145

of a sudden, you see something break

out, and unfortunately, that's what

146

happens and we do our best to try to

respond, and be there for everybody

147

involved, and even those that maybe

weren't directly involved, but know

148

the people that were involved, because

that could be just as upsetting to.

149

Joshua: You said something earlier

about having these connections with

150

the people that you're working with,

and trying to keep that separated out

151

because you're really trying to help

them with not only building a new

152

skill, maybe going through the different

types of things that are happening.

153

It's funny because with a coaching

relationship, I always think

154

about it as, "I'm going into it.

155

I want to help this person.

156

I'm part of that team process.", so I

even tell my clients, "We're going to

157

be circling the wagons here to make

sure that you get to a better place.",

158

but with the line of work that you

do, it's totally understandable why

159

you have to have that separation.

160

I know that there's certain things

that are ethics relating to that

161

that are involved, but I've always

been curious, and I think some

162

of my listeners might be too.

163

How do you cope with having to keep that

separation, and not getting too attached

164

to a situation that might be overwhelming,

because I think that for me, if I was

165

in your shoes with something like that,

my heart would ache constantly with all

166

these different situations that people

are facing, so I'm kind of curious how

167

you process it, address it, and maybe

how you teach others to do the same.

168

Matthew: Absolutely.

169

If I said it was easy, I would be a liar.

170

It has its moments where sometimes it's

easier than other times, but it's hard.

171

You develop relationships with people.

172

You develop connections with people.

173

You see the progress, and sometimes

you see the failures too, and you very

174

easily can find yourself rooting for

that person and doing everything you

175

can to try to help them out, but at

the same time, you start to excuse

176

a little bit of the little things.

177

"Oh, they were late for this appointment.

178

It's okay.

179

I'll give them some slack this time, or

we'll meet with them next week because

180

I know they got stuff going on.", and

it starts to blend a little bit, and

181

that's when it becomes more difficult

to really face and address the problems

182

that somebody is actually dealing with.

183

There's always that adage of,

"Leave your work at the door."

184

That's very difficult when you're

working in the mental health field, and

185

I imagine in a lot of other fields too.

186

Of course, keeping privacy and HIPAA laws

and such in mind, discussing these things

187

with people who aren't directly involved

in the treatment of that particular

188

client can be difficult, but that

doesn't mean you can't utilize support

189

systems and resources that you have.

190

I found that talking with colleagues

is always wonderful, even if

191

they have no experience in that

particular scenario or situation.

192

They still could have a perspective or a

worldview or even ideas that you didn't

193

necessarily think of, and I think that's

a pretty universal skill to utilize

194

that some people just don't think of.

195

It's very easy to come out of a session;

a 45 minute session, with a couple that

196

were just yelling at each other, and

blaming each other for everything, and

197

then thinking, "How do I deal with this?

198

I just got out of a yelling

match that went on for 45 minutes

199

and I have no one to talk to."

200

Joshua: Yeah.

201

Matthew: But sometimes you

do and you don't realize it.

202

Don't say the names.

203

Don't talk about specifics.

204

Try to avoid anything that can give

out any identifying information,

205

but say, "I just had a session

with two people that was really

206

difficult and it took a lot out of me.

207

Let's go bowling, or something, and get

my mind off of this.", or, "Let's go grab

208

a drink and some food.", and there's many

things that people can really identify

209

as coping skills for themselves that can

be utilized, not just for that self care

210

aspect, which I'm always a big fan of,

but also to help you when you're trying

211

to come down from a particularly difficult

situation, or if you find yourself so

212

enmeshed with a client that your heart

breaks for them on a regular basis, that's

213

not good for you either because then you

can find your emotions getting a little

214

too overwhelming, clouding your ability

to work with them from a therapeutic

215

perspective, and I certainly encourage

people to identify even just the smallest

216

things that they can do for themselves

to de-stress, or reach out to somebody.

217

My go to for me is I listen to music.

218

I play guitar; very, very much a hobby.

219

You're not going to see me on the

stage anywhere, but it's something

220

that can help me get my mind off of

something, or I could play along with

221

a song that I really enjoy; two dogs,

which are running around the house at

222

all times, and they're a joy to play

with when they're not biting at me.

223

Joshua: I have to tell you that I know

that this is an audio only podcast,

224

but I love seeing your dogs right

now just roaming around, and they've

225

been so polite, so they haven't been

barking at us, so that's a good thing.

226

Matthew: Yeah.

227

Yeah.

228

Fingers crossed they stay that way.

229

Joshua: Yeah.

230

Matthew: But, yeah.

231

They're my little background distractions,

and I am married, and I have two

232

children, and I found my wife to be

a tremendous support for me, and some

233

of my closest friends I've had since

high school, I've been lucky enough to

234

still be friends with; have been great

resources, if not necessarily to talk

235

about everything that's going on, but to

maybe distract me a little bit, or help

236

me get my mind off of a particularly

difficult week I had with some clients,

237

and I think everybody, if you're able

to take a few minutes to yourself,

238

it doesn't have to be written down.

239

You can keep it in your own head.

240

You can talk with someone about it,

whatever way works for you, but I

241

think everybody can really identify at

least a couple of things that can help

242

them, even if it's very, very basic.

243

We like those basic things: sitting

down and reading, watching Netflix

244

for three hours, whatever it is.

245

If it brings that joy to you, sometimes

there are those moments where it's really

246

helpful to do it, even if it doesn't

feel like it's going to help; maybe it'll

247

just distract you for a minute or two.

248

I'm a big advocate of that self care.

249

Joshua: Self care is so important.

250

That's part of my story,

Matthew, for sure, that I didn't

251

take that time for myself.

252

That led me into my suicide that I

had attempted over four years ago.

253

Thankfully, I failed, and I'm here

and being able to do that, and I know

254

for many people too, trying to find

that intentionality, that hobby, that

255

aspiration, is sometimes even a struggle

in itself, especially if there's

256

financial reasons or other things, but

there are plenty of free things out

257

there that we can all engage in that

would satisfy that need, which one last

258

thing I have to ask you before we move

on and talk about MJM Wellness, which

259

is the business that you're running.

260

Is there something common across all

your clients that you would recommend,

261

maybe even say to our audience today,

that might be a first stepping stone

262

to resolving some of the issues because

I feel like we talk about substance

263

abuse, or we talk about mental health.

264

We talk about alcohol.

265

We talk about feeling like we

can get over anxiety, depression.

266

There's a common denominator that I

feel that if we resolve what's on the

267

surface, that could actually start to

form that healing process, and I know

268

you've worked with numerous people.

269

I wonder if you've seen that common

trend, and maybe there's something you

270

could recommend for somebody that might

be dealing with it in their family.

271

They might be dealing

with it with themselves.

272

Is there one thing that maybe you

can share that might help them?

273

Matthew: I would say one of the biggest

things that I've noticed over the years

274

is that stigma of reaching out for

help, or going to therapy, whether it's

275

professional, or even just reaching out

to your own individual support systems.

276

The mental health field over time,

thankfully, has gotten more and more

277

accepted and open, and people are a

little more willing to reach out when

278

they're looking for help, or they'll do

the research to find a good therapist,

279

or to get into a group, which groups can

always be a wonderful thing as well, but

280

there still seems to be that pervasive

hesitancy, whether it's based around

281

that stigma of, "There's something

wrong with me if I'm going to therapy.",

282

or, "If I'm going to therapy at this

point, it's just over with anyway.

283

What's the point?"

284

My family doesn't believe in therapy.

285

I grew up not believing in therapy,

whatever the reason might be.

286

I found that pretty common that that

first big step is just engaging with

287

some kind of professional therapeutic

services, and my big, big, big statement

288

is It's okay to reach out for help.

289

Reaching out for help does not mean

that there's something wrong, or that

290

you can't handle it yourself, or that

you're incapable of handling it yourself.

291

Sometimes there's just things we

just need that extra push for.

292

We need somebody else's perspective, or

we need a professional who specializes

293

in a particular issue, or concern, or

mental health disorder, that can guide

294

us and teach us coping skills, or help us

better understand what we're dealing with.

295

I think that's wonderful that you are

open about your own experiences, and I'm

296

very sorry that happened, but I agree.

297

I'm glad that you failed, but

I've dealt with depression myself.

298

I've had those moments,

especially when I was younger,

299

of having some suicidal ideation.

300

It's very difficult when you're in that

mindset, and you feel alone, and you

301

feel like you don't have an outlet,

or you don't have somebody who can

302

help you, and I would say for the vast

majority of people, there is somebody.

303

It takes a little bit of effort to

look sometimes, or it takes that

304

support, reach out to somebody you

really care for and say, "Listen.

305

I just need somebody to help me make that

1st phone call, or maybe you can come with

306

me to my 1st session, or my 1st group,

or maybe we can just talk about this a

307

little bit so I can get the courage and

the strength to set something up with

308

somebody professional, or to get some

kind of help that will really benefit me."

309

My biggest point here is just

knowing that you're not alone and

310

it's okay to reach out for help.

311

There is nothing wrong with that.

312

Joshua: For all those reasons, in the

episode notes for my listeners, you're

313

well versed on what this is all about.

314

988.

315

It's a great resource to check out.

316

It isn't just the phone number that you

can call when something is happening.

317

There's actually a website

dedicated to all kinds of different

318

situations and how you address them.

319

I've been a frequent flyer on that website

myself, checking out all those various

320

resources, so I'll put that in the episode

notes and Matthew, you said something so

321

important about the fact that it's just

about starting that conversation, and for

322

myself, it took me a very long time, even

after I started therapy, to open up about

323

that, because it was a lot of trauma.

324

There's a lot of things, and that's

why I will always say, if you need that

325

professional help, go see a therapist.

326

Don't go see a coach.

327

Therapists are trained to go through

that process and I highly encourage

328

that, even if you use a coach to help

you along the way, you should always

329

include a therapist so that you're on

the same path in that process, so, with

330

that said, Matthew, you've been doing

this for over 14 years, I've noticed

331

this on your website, MJM Wellness,

which I'll also put in the notes.

332

I think that small business is so

important, so congratulations on not only

333

having this, but also building this out.

334

I'm just curious.

335

What got you excited to actually

enter into your own practice?

336

Matthew: It's funny.

337

I was just having a conversation with

somebody about this earlier today how

338

I fell into the mental health field.

339

I've had an interest and a fascination

really in mental health for many,

340

many years going back to high

school, but I didn't really grab

341

onto it until I got into undergrad.

342

I had entered school not knowing what

I was going to do exactly, so I just

343

took a whole smattering of classes

just to hit those prerequisites.

344

One of them happened to be

a Psych 1 class, which I

345

absolutely fell in love with.

346

I thought it was fascinating.

347

It grabbed me right away.

348

That was it.

349

Declared my major and went forward.

350

I took some time after undergrad.

351

About a year and a half, I worked,

and eventually decided to go back

352

to school, and had gotten into

a marriage and family therapy

353

program, which I had never heard of.

354

That's what ultimately turned into

my license here in New York, and as

355

I was going through that grad program

particularly, there was so much about it

356

that opened up my eyes to this whole field

of mental health that I really was unaware

357

of, even from my four years in undergrad.

358

It was very focused on couples, on

families, and issues with sexuality,

359

and everything you could think of,

which are just things, many of which

360

I hadn't encountered myself, and the

more I learned, the more interesting

361

and the more exciting it was to me.

362

In that grad program, we would intern.

363

We would have our sessions recorded,

and I remember very early on, about

364

3 weeks in, I was really struggling.

365

I wasn't really talking much.

366

I had a third year student who was

the one guiding the sessions I was

367

sitting in, and during one of the

supervisions that we had, my supervisor

368

had pointed out to the class, very

embarrassing, I probably turned as red

369

as my shirt, "Matt's kind of quiet.

370

He's not really engaging.

371

We got to get him to talk a little more."

372

That next session, I engaged

with a father and his 2 children.

373

He was separated from his ex wife, and

the parents would come in separately

374

with the children, but I was able to

engage with the kids so much and get

375

them talking and active, and they were

drawing for me, and talking about their

376

family, and vacations that they went on,

and they just completely opened up, and

377

I remember that next supervision I had,

my supervisor pointed it out, and said,

378

"That is what we're looking for, Matt.

379

You just turn this around like

a full 180.", and that was it.

380

I'm like, "That's it.

381

This is what I'm doing

with the rest of my life."

382

I've been lucky enough where I've

found that really when I was still

383

in school, and from there, kind of

built it up over time and work for a

384

private practice for a few years, and

then ultimately, decided that this

385

was something I wanted to do on my own

because I had such a passion for it.

386

Not everybody is so lucky, but it's really

helpful when you can try different things

387

and see what fits, and I was one of those.

388

people who found something

relatively early, and going

389

forward as much as I can with it.

390

Joshua: It is always a gift and

a blessing to be able to find

391

that calling early in life.

392

I didn't find my coaching business until

I was 35 and figuring out things finally

393

with all the things that were happening

in my life that I wanted to do this.

394

People were telling me I should do it.

395

I was not listening to them.

396

I was not having anything to do with it.

397

I was resisting change, but I finally

realized that was denying what my

398

ultimate best version of myself is, so

I'm glad you found your best version.

399

That is really important.

400

You touched on mentorship, essentially.

401

Somebody took you under your wing.

402

You got to learn so much

information from them.

403

Do you do any sort of mentoring

for other people today that are

404

interested in being a therapist, or

doing the line of work that you do?

405

Obviously, since you've opened a business.

406

I'm sure you got a wealth of knowledge,

so I'm wondering, is there a couple of

407

people- you can give them a shout out if

you like, if you think that it would be

408

worthy of being able to share a little

bit about their details and how they

409

got to where they're at, if you don't

feel like you would embarrass them,

410

but I'm just curious if you had anybody

in mind that you've been able to take

411

under your wing and kind of do the same.

412

Matthew: Mmhmm.

413

Well, there's certainly some people in

the veteran mental health side that I do,

414

where I'm working with a number of case

managers that are always looking into

415

what's their future going to be like.

416

What kind of planning are they going to

do in terms of, really, what their career

417

is going to look like down the road?

418

Is it going to be a

private practice thing?

419

Are they going to stay in this

particular sect and move forward with

420

mental health housing, or are they

going to see what else is out there?

421

I've seen over the years, a number of

staff that I've had just straight sit

422

down conversations with, and we've

talked through the difficult clients

423

that they've had, or difficult situations

they've encountered; talked about

424

some of those successes and pointed

out what they've done specifically,

425

and even discussed meetings that I've

sat in with them with clients, and

426

really brought to their attention the

good things that they're doing that

427

they may not necessarily recognize.

428

We all can benefit from some kind of

mentor or some kind of guiding force.

429

It's always helpful, especially

when you're entering something new.

430

When I started pursuing my own solo

practice, I have a family member who lives

431

in New Hampshire who really taught me a

lot about how to get this off the ground

432

in my own way, so I still am having my

own guidance and mentorship coming in my

433

direction, because it's always helpful to

hear what other people have been through,

434

or some other tips or advice or guidance

that somebody can give you, and I try to

435

do that with really anybody I'm working

with, whether we're at the same level

436

of staffing, or if I'm your supervisor,

whatever the situation might be.

437

I'm very much one who believes

in growing yourself and trying to

438

foster that in other people too.

439

Joshua: It's about not just

paving the road forward for

440

those people, but you're right.

441

It is learning even other things

that you can learn along the way

442

that you can impart on others, and

I've been so fortunate enough, myself

443

too in my business, being able to

help others, even with this podcast,

444

being able to have that conversation.

445

I had a woman on the show, Kaneshi, if

you're listening, hi; that we challenged

446

each other about even starting those

businesses and getting to that figure

447

that we really want to achieve in terms

of revenue and wanting to help others,

448

but you're saying too something that I

think sometimes we miss out in society,

449

especially with the way some of the

epidemics that we have going on; drug use,

450

I think of fentanyl, all those things.

451

What would it be if we just had

somebody that would help mentor, maybe

452

steer people in the right direction?

453

Just that accountability.

454

Sometimes it's just that little

step that makes a big difference.

455

I don't know what you might think about

that subject too, because you probably

456

encounter a lot of those different aspects

in your counseling that you go through.

457

Do you find that sometimes it's just

about having somebody there to help?

458

Whether it's just in the small

things, instead of the big

459

things when it's too late?

460

For example, I see so much of, "Well,

if they were just able to intervene

461

early by just having that conversation

on a weekly basis, like a teacher, like

462

that could make all the difference."

463

I mean, do you think that a lot of

the things that you encounter could be

464

solved with something like that, and

I know it's just your opinion, but I'm

465

kind of curious because you've seen a

lot of these come through your door.

466

Matthew: I certainly feel that even

just those little things can make a

467

big difference, and a lot of when I've

dealt with clients who are dealing with

468

any kind of ongoing substance abuse

issues, or mental health concerns,

469

sometimes their support systems, or their

family members, just don't understand.

470

"How come he can't stop using this?

471

How come he keeps going and doing this?

472

How come he's spending time with these

people?", and they start to pull away,

473

and the client starts to feel more and

more lost or unsure of where to turn to,

474

and sometimes having that voice, or even

just that shoulder to cry on, can really

475

make a difference, because suddenly they

feel heard and they haven't felt heard

476

in months, or years, or even longer than

that, especially when they're dealing

477

with something that's getting them

on the track to multiple rehab stays.

478

I have a particular client who's

been in and out for many years.

479

He struggles on and off, and when he's

struggling at his worst, unfortunately, he

480

turns towards substances, even after he's

completed, successfully, rehab programs.

481

It's a coping skill he learned that

he has a tremendous amount of trouble

482

breaking, but I'm somebody he trusts.

483

I'm somebody he'll talk to.

484

He'll call me and let me know.

485

"I'm going to be going to rehab.

486

I'm struggling again.", and even

just having that person you can talk

487

to and open up and explain, without

judgment, can really go a long way,

488

and that's kind of the key there is

that no judgment because we all do it.

489

We're all guilty of it, and it's

completely human to do that, but when

490

you're trying to help somebody, and

this is something I try to teach a

491

lot with the couples that I'm working

with, too, is trying to listen as

492

best as you can without judgment

or blame, and I think that goes

493

in both directions, incalculably.

494

Joshua: Yes.

495

I even say that too.

496

"Stop blaming yourself.

497

It's not what you've done.

498

It's whatever's happens.

499

The past is the past.

500

You recognize it now, and that's a big,

important step, so what can we do to

501

navigate those steps moving forward?",

and we worked on that together, even

502

with what I do in coaching, because

we have these roadblocks that kind

503

of stay in our way if we don't move

them out of the way, and sometimes we

504

need someone else to help you move it.

505

Matthew: Mmhmm.

506

It's okay to ask for a little push.

507

Joshua: Yeah.

508

It is.

509

It's okay to ask for a push.

510

Yeah, absolutely.

511

We should.

512

Matthew, we're almost at the end of our

time, but there's one final question I

513

want to ask, and it's actually something

that you have on your website, which

514

I want to share with the audience too.

515

It's listed under your about page.

516

It's about your philosophy, just so you

have an idea what that is I'm going to

517

ask you, so it says, "At MJM wellness, I

believe that everyone has the potential

518

to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.

519

My counseling services are designed

to help my clients unlock their

520

potential, and achieve their goals."

521

that made me smile, because I

have somewhat of a similar mission

522

here at Your Speaking Voice,

LLC, and what I've opened up.

523

To you, and this being my final question,

I want this to be something that you kind

524

of take personally and maybe give some

words of wisdom to the audience today.

525

Do you think that you're leading that

potential to lead a fulfilling and

526

meaningful life from what you're doing,

and also, do you feel like you have the

527

potential to meet and unlock your goals,

because I think that you're starting to

528

do that with this business, and what you

have been achieving over your impressive

529

career, but I'm kind of curious, what are

your thoughts about you walking the walk

530

and doing that talking with your clients?

531

What does that mean for you?

532

Matthew: Hmm.

533

That's a good question, and it's great

that great minds think alike, too,

534

that we have a similar philosophy.

535

I like that.

536

Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.

537

Matthew: Yeah, so reaching that

potential and understanding your

538

own strength can be one of the most

difficult things that a person can do.

539

There are going to be days

where you feel it fully.

540

There are days where you're going to

just lay in bed and say, "What's the

541

point of getting out of bed today?

542

It's just another day."

543

Reaching that potential is hard and

accepting and understanding that

544

it's hard is what can help you grow.

545

I have had stops and starts

with everything over the years.

546

I've been through my own personal

situations, I've been through traumatic

547

events that have occurred in my family.

548

I've had on and off relationships that

have been good, bad, toxic, you name

549

it, and I've pursued different things.

550

I've pursued different areas of the

mental health field, even though I

551

was lucky enough to find my calling

fairly early, that doesn't mean

552

it was smooth going the whole way.

553

It certainly wasn't, and I think

recognizing that you're going to go

554

through those situations, and come

out of it on the other side is very

555

important, because when you're in those

situations, you don't feel like you're

556

going to come out on the other side.

557

Tomorrow's not going to get much better.

558

Next week's not going to be much better,

or this situation is not going to improve.

559

I'm going to be stuck at this job for

the next 20 years without any changes,

560

but then when you get to the other

side, you look back, and it's very, very

561

infrequent that you're going to say, " Oh,

it happened exactly how I predicted."

562

Instead, you're going

to be thinking, "Wow.

563

I got through it and look where I am now,

and look at the strength that I utilized

564

within myself that at that time, I didn't

feel like I had.", and that's something

565

I try to keep in mind whenever I'm moving

forward with whatever it is, whether

566

it's growing my own personal business or

working in the field in general, I try

567

to sit and think, "What are the things

that I've done, and what are some of the

568

difficulties that I've overcome?", and

even in those days where it's really hard,

569

it's okay to be upset and have a bad day.

570

We all do, but knowing that you can get

through it, and you can move forward

571

with it, and you can find something

new if you really want to can keep you

572

going, and that's what keeps me going,

and the good support of my wife, too.

573

I have to throw her in there as a little

extra bonus because I'm very lucky to

574

have somebody like that who has knowledge

beyond what I have in different avenues,

575

especially in the business world.

576

She's the smart one.

577

She's the social one.

578

I'm the mental health guy.

579

She does everything else, and if it

wasn't for her, and her knowledge,

580

and her education, I would not even

know half of the things that I know,

581

so recognizing who in your life can

help you, and who's willing to help

582

you, which I think there's more people

out there who want to help you than

583

you think, especially at your toughest

and most difficult periods of time-

584

Joshua: Yes-

585

Matthew: So recognize that, and recognize

your strength, and know that you

586

absolutely can do it, even if there are

those days where it doesn't feel like it.

587

You'll have days where you feel

like it, and that's when you

588

strike, when that iron's hot.

589

Joshua: Yes, and knowing that you

have that circle, those are people

590

that are willing to help you.

591

That, sometimes, can be

the biggest obstacle.

592

I know I surrounded myself with very

toxic people and had to do that exercise

593

of, "Who do I want to have surrounding

me?", and you have that awesome wife that

594

does all that, so hi, wife of Matthew's.

595

Thank you so much for not only

supporting Matthew, but also

596

making sure that he stays on track.

597

Matthew: Yes.

598

Oh, absolutely.

599

Joshua: Hey, I already knew for a fact

that that was probably what was happening,

600

so I went ahead and did an assumption.

601

Matthew, we're at the end of our

time, but I want to give you the last

602

few minutes to pitch MJM Wellness.

603

How can people reach out to

you if they're interested?

604

I know you do some over

the internet calls.

605

I know that you might be looking in

the near future, possibly, to have

606

some space that you can meet clients

in person, and maybe you can share

607

a little bit of that if you can, but

how can people get in touch with you?

608

I'm going to give you the last

few minutes to share all that.

609

Matthew: My website is mjmwellnessny.com,

and you can go on there and you

610

can actually schedule appointments

directly through there for individual,

611

couple, or family counseling.

612

I also provide simple

15 minute consultations.

613

There's no cost to those.

614

That's a chance for us to meet and

just discuss what kind of issues or

615

concerns you'd like to address in

therapy and see if it's a good fit.

616

I'm a big believer that you have to

feel comfortable with your therapist

617

before you continue therapy, so

those little consultations help

618

people get over some of that stigma

I was talking about previously.

619

My social media is I have Instagram,

Facebook: MJM Wellness NY.

620

I keep a blog on my website as well,

where I'm posting different bits of

621

information about concepts in the mental

health field that might relate to you, or

622

skills that you can build, anything that

might be helpful, hopefully, with whatever

623

situation you might be dealing with.

624

It might prompt you to say, "Hey.

625

Let me give this guy a call

and see if I can try out a

626

session and see if it works."

627

I'm currently doing it

telehealth primarily: video

628

or phone only is acceptable.

629

It's nice to see somebody in person,

but not everybody has the capability,

630

and eventually, yes, we are going

to be having some office space

631

as well for in person sessions.

632

Joshua: Wow.

633

I loved our conversation for the fact

that not only sharing the importance

634

of why we need to have crisis

counselors, why we need to have therapy,

635

why small business is important.

636

You've touched on so many different

subjects, but what I find fascinating

637

about your story, Matthew, is that all

it took was a few people to surround

638

you and be like, "I see this in you.

639

I believe in you.", and I think we

oftentimes don't see that in our

640

own lives when we see those signs.

641

We have to be paying attention when those

happen, and I think that you have been

642

paying attention to not only listen, but

to also help others, and for all those

643

reasons, thank you so much for being on

Speaking From The Heart, sharing your

644

story, sharing the fact that your dogs

and your wife keep you sane and the guitar

645

playing, because I probably wouldn't be

able to do the guitar playing, but I would

646

love to have a dog, but honestly, I think

that your mission is not only aligned with

647

what I'm doing, but it's aligned with what

we should all be doing, and I think that

648

work is so important, so thank you so much

for sharing all of that with us today.

649

Matthew: Thank you.

650

It was really wonderful to speak with

you, and it's very nice to connect with

651

somebody who has a similar philosophy

and worldview on things, because it

652

always makes you feel like we're all

going in the right direction together.

653

Joshua: Absolutely.

654

We are definitely doing

that, so thank you, Matthew.

655

I want to thank Matthew again for being

part of the show, and I really appreciate

656

therapists all across the world that have

a variety of different clients, whether

657

they are helping them with specific

needs, whether that is an individual,

658

group setting, or even a completely

different type of situation overall,

659

which I've been having the privilege

of meeting so many different types of

660

therapists through this show, being

able to share their perspective, but I

661

think we have to learn that with each

perspective, though, it creates a content.

662

It creates an opportunity to engage in

a way that maybe sometimes isn't so easy

663

to do, because we have to remove those

barriers, especially if we need a CISM

664

to help us; really, a crisis intervention

team to come in and save us when the

665

world is falling all apart, when it's

falling all around us, especially when

666

it comes to substance abuse, alcohol,

and especially even in cases where I've

667

been through, mental health crises,

and I think that's really the biggest

668

thing about this, is that you don't know

what you're necessarily walking into

669

and Matthew talked a lot about those

different aspects, even with some of

670

the clients that he has worked with.

671

Being able to blend those problems that

everybody has and dealing with them,

672

especially with the way that privacy

and even HIPAA laws are, especially

673

in the United States, or anywhere in

the world for that matter protecting

674

confidentiality, means that we have to

learn to understand some of the problems

675

that we have with some people without

being able to reference it with somebody

676

else, which in a way, is a handicap if

you think about it, but at the same time,

677

do I want everybody to know my business

when it comes to what I'm dealing with?

678

With everything that I might

have as problems, especially

679

trying to move forward?

680

Really, it's about understanding

what is the association.

681

Who are the people that we can really

confidently talk to, to be able to

682

work through a variety of different

problems that we might have in our life?

683

It means being able to start with the

context of what we're trying to work

684

through, which sometimes we even don't

know, even as coaches, or even therapists

685

for that matter, and I really envy the

fact that we have to work through all

686

those things to have us understand how we

can create those best relationships, have

687

confidence to work with these individuals,

but be determined to see what their

688

progress will be at the end of the day.

689

It's really about helping them

get through some of the things

690

that might be on their mind.

691

I've always been interested as one of

those people looking afar about playing

692

the guitar, maybe sing a little bit of

karaoke if I can get my voice up to a

693

better range, but even more importantly,

I want to learn ways in which I can take a

694

step back, which even in my own life, even

during these summer months, I'm trying

695

to do a lot better about doing that.

696

Although, sometimes the demands of

even the business, let alone even

697

a full time job, can keep me quite

busy trying to be able to do that,

698

but it's all about perspective.

699

It's all about trying to understand and

learn how we can create those balances

700

in our life, whether it is work and life.

701

Reaching out, especially not being

shy about exposing those details

702

that we really need to be working on,

those minute aspects, are something

703

that I think Matthew and I really

have a good understanding about.

704

I think that we have to understand,

though, that some people are not prepared

705

to have those kinds of conversations,

let alone even work through some of those

706

situations, because they're afraid of what

it looks like to be on the other side.

707

They're afraid of what it might mean

to be able to work through some of

708

those problems, and especially talking

to someone that you might not have

709

ever met before can be some of the

most challenging things that you ever

710

experience, especially when working with

somebody that seems like they might know

711

what they're doing, but maybe they don't

quite get everything that you're supposed

712

to be knowing about them as a whole,

which is really why I'm listening to

713

you, my listeners, about the importance

of not only exposing what that looks

714

like, not only understanding what it

means to work through some of those

715

problems, but in reality, you have to

be not shy, and be able to reach out

716

to others to help you get to that other

side, so there's really a duality of

717

being not afraid of what you have going

on in your life, but at the same time,

718

being able to communicate that, which

are two separate actions in themselves.

719

Even for me in the coaching

industry, I have to dig deep.

720

Sometimes some of the things that we

are actually saying about ourselves

721

might not actually be the truth, the

reality of what's really important.

722

It might even be something

completely different.

723

Sometimes the people that I work with

have some type of executive functioning

724

happening, in which people have to be able

to make some kind of decision about what

725

they would need to do in their life, and

sometimes making that choice, being able

726

to work through some of those situations

are the most difficult things that they

727

have ever experienced in their life.

728

I know for myself, that for even

the clients that I've worked with,

729

which have ranged from all kinds of

various situations in the workplace,

730

to even in their personal life, trying

to make choices that will better

731

engage them for the future, means

that they have to keep working past

732

what they might be struggling with.

733

It also means understanding how to

create that excitement of value, showing

734

them that when they get to that other

side, that they're going to have a

735

path of freedom that they otherwise

would have never experienced, so for my

736

listeners today, I have to challenge you.

737

What are some ways in which you are

creating that freedom in your life?

738

Even if it means just freeing up an

hour a day to work on something that

739

you haven't been doing for quite a

long time; maybe studying for your next

740

degree, maybe working on that promotion.

741

That means that you have to spend

a little bit more time with some of

742

your co workers, some of the people to

get to know them a little bit better,

743

but maybe it even means working on

your budget so that you can plan

744

more effectively financially for the

things that are ahead of you overall.

745

That path to move forward also means that

you have to look at where we all stand

746

in society, which, even in the United

States, there's a stigma about veterans

747

and being able to help them with their

mental health, and I know of many people

748

that have been working on that avenue.

749

Even locally, I have to thank

Shaina McDonald of the Interseeding

750

Foundation for even exposing me

to some of the different things

751

that her foundation deals with.

752

Being able to provide an avenue for first

responders, veterans of the military, to

753

allow them to bring even their families,

significant others, to be able to expose

754

them to what this community means to

be able to have some freedom, some

755

opportunity to relate to people that

might be going through similar struggles.

756

She's creating something in that

non-profit locally in the Harrisburg area

757

that is not only fascinating, but it also

makes me feel that there's a lot more work

758

that we could be doing to support veterans

and their overall situations, but really,

759

what's missing from this whole entire

conversation that we even talk about even

760

in this episode is about support systems.

761

Finding a way to be heard, whether it's

on a stage in public speaking, or even

762

just being heard across the room from

somebody that you should have been talking

763

to this whole entire time about the

problems that you're facing means that you

764

have to find a strategy that works best.

765

In public speaking, I always talk

about the importance of even having

766

your story ready to be talked about.

767

Having that connection with your audience,

so that you can work and interweave,

768

whether it's for informational, or

persuasive purposes, or some other

769

means, to be able to help them see

what you're trying to do, because even

770

if you say something that's on your

mind, I know what you're thinking.

771

"Am I being judged for who I am?"

772

"Do they think less of me because

of what I'm going through?"

773

"Does it really mean that I have to

be able to unlock the abilities that

774

I have lying dormant inside of myself,

to be able to then make that message

775

become more effective?", and the answer

is, as long as you practice it, as long

776

as you keep working on that craft that

you believe in, nothing is impossible.

777

Even if you have to keep on starting

over, and keep on stopping, in order

778

to work through some of the pitfalls,

or some of the roadblocks that come

779

up, it's about moving forward, but

it's also recognizing that sometimes we

780

need that help when it counts the most.

781

You know, I've been asked quite a

lot about the importance of why I do

782

this show, and why I keep bringing

on people that have all kinds of

783

similar messages, because it's to

reinforce the same sort of concerns

784

that I know that we are all facing.

785

Whether we say it out loud or not,

it's really up to you, but I think

786

it's also important for us to

recognize the discussion that we can

787

have to work through some of these

troubles, to work through some of the

788

difficulties that we have despite the

HIPAA laws that might be in place.

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We need to form communities that associate

with each other, and whether we like it

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or not, there is a stigma about getting

help which we need to break today.

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Even if it is just a therapist that you're

seeking to give you more advice in terms

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of how you can work through some of your

past troubles, or even a coach that can

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help you dig even deeper and help you

strategize and move forward with a plan

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that allows you to be more accountable,

but also more importantly, have a

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plan to put in place for some of the

things that you might be going through.

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I think that's the best step forward,

allowing yourself to be heard, because

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there's no judgment, and there never

has been any judgment for that matter.

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All you have to say is,

"Yes, I'm ready for it."

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"Yes, I'm willing to work on

myself, and my voice, and my ability

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to keep moving myself forward."

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I have to keep learning, whether it's

through mental health crises, substance

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abuse, or even alcohol, regardless of who

I have surrounding me in my community.

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I just have to keep learning about the

fact that it's about exposing what is

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in our insides to the whole world to see

on the outside, and not being afraid of

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what the consequences look like, because

when we are not afraid anymore to show

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that true power, imagine the unlimited

possibilities that come unlocked with

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it, and oh yes, when we're finally heard,

nothing will ever stand in our way, and

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even, we might gain an association with

some people that respect us a lot better.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 130 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

815

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.