Why Smart Women Feel Pulled Toward Something They Can't Explain

"The deepest transformations start as the pull you can't explain. You don't begin with clarity. You begin with compulsion."

— Kiley Suarez, The Joy Shift

You feel pulled toward something. A certification. A creative project. A whole new direction. And the hardest part isn't doing it.

It's trying to explain it.

The moment you say it out loud, the questions start. And suddenly you're defending something you don't even fully understand yet — to people who want logic you don't have, a clear goal you haven't reached, and proof of ROI before you've even begun.

In this episode, Kiley Suarez names what's actually happening: the inarticulate calling. The pull that arrives before you have language for it. And she gives you the framework — and the scripts — to stop letting other people's questions talk you out of your own knowing.

This episode is for you if:

•You feel pulled toward something and can't explain it — and you've been staying quiet because you already feel exhausted imagining having to defend it

•People in your life keep asking "why are you doing this?" and you don't have an answer that satisfies them

•You've been told you already have enough, and you're not sure how to respond to that

•You've started to wonder if the pull means something is wrong with you — or if it means something is finally waking up

In this episode, you will learn:

– The three-phase framework for how callings actually unfold: compulsion → resistance → clarity — and why clarity comes through the doing, not before it

– What the people questioning your growth are actually asking (it has nothing to do with your choices)

– The real reason you couldn't defend yourself when people asked "why are you doing this?" — and why that inability was not a flaw

– Four ready-to-use response scripts for when people demand explanations you don't have yet

– The one question that changes everything: Can I trust myself with this?

In this episode, we cover:

– The inarticulate calling: what it is, why it arrives before language, and why the deepest transformations start here

– Kiley's coaching certification story — the questions from family and friends, the impossible position of defending something she hadn't yet understood, and what she learned on the other side

– How to decode what people are really asking when they question your growth (surface meaning vs. real meaning)

– The three questions they didn't ask out loud — the ones actually driving their resistance

– Why "I don't know. I just have to." is not a failure of logic. It's the most honest answer available.

– The four response scripts: what to say when they ask "why are you doing this?", "how do you do it all?", "don't you already have enough?", and "what are you seeking?"

– What it means to commit to something before you understand what it will give you

A question to sit with this week:

What would change if you stopped asking, "Can I justify this?" and started asking, "Can I trust myself with this?"

📥 Download the free Midlife Reinvention Starter Guide — the questions that help clarity emerge, even when you can't name what you're seeking yet. [Link in show notes]

Resources & Links:

•🎙️ Episode 1: The Permission Trap — [link] (the original episode on asking for permission to want more)

•🎙️ Episode 22: Why the Loudest Voice Telling You to Stop Is Your Own — [link] (companion episode on internal resistance)

•🎙️ Coming Friday: Episode 20 — How to protect your calling when the questions start

•📅 Book a Clarity Session with Kiley — calendly.com/kileysuarez/clarity-session-kiley

•🌐 Learn more at https://joyshifthub.manus.space/

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it helps other women in midlife find this show.

Have you ever felt pulled towards something? A class A certification, a creative project, a whole new direction. And found that the hardest part wasn't actually doing it.

It was trying to explain it. Because the moment you say it out loud, the questions start and suddenly you're defending something you don't even fully understand yet.

When I told people I was becoming a certified life coach, the questions came from everywhere. My family. Don't you have enough going on? What are you trying to prove, my friends? You.

You already have a full time job, you're writing romance novels on the side. Why are you adding something more to your plate? Everyone wanted me to explain, to justify, to make it make sense.

And here's what I couldn't tell them because I didn't have the words for it yet. I was compelled in a way I couldn't articulate. I was seeking larger answers, and I needed to do the work for myself.

Not for a career pivot, not for extra income, not because I was bored or trying to prove something. Because something in me was waking up and I didn't know what it was yet. I just knew I had to follow it.

If you're listening to this thinking, that's exactly how people react when I talk about the thing I'm feeling pulled toward. Or maybe you haven't said it out loud yet because you already feel exhausted imagining having to defend it. This episode is for you.

Today we're talking about what I call the inarticulate calling when you feel called towards something you. You can't explain. And how to stop letting other people's questions talk you out of your own knowing. Welcome to the joy shift. I'm Kiley Suarez.

Let's get into it. Most midlife transformations don't come with clear explanations.

You don't wake up one day with a five year plan and a PowerPoint presentation proving ROI. That's return on investment in accountant jargon.

Just in case you wake up with a pull, a compulsion, a sense that there's something more, but you can't name it yet, and everyone around you wants you to explain it before you've lived it. Here's how this unfolds. Phase one, the compulsion you feel called but can't articulate it. You don't have language for what you're seeking.

You just know you need to do the work for yourself. Now. You can't defend it rationally because it's not rational. It's soul level. Phase two, the Resistance.

Friends ask, why are you adding more to your plate? And families ask, what are you trying to Prove. And society whispers, shouldn't you be satisfied by now? You're put in an impossible position.

They want you to justify something you haven't yet understood. Phase three, the clarity. You do the work. The answers emerge through the doing, not before it. You gain language for what you couldn't name.

Looking back, it makes perfect sense. But you couldn't have explained it at the beginning. Now here's what made the resistance so hard for me. I couldn't defend myself.

When someone asks, why are you doing this? And you say, I don't know. I just have to. That doesn't really satisfy anyone. You can feel the room shift. The silence gets heavier.

You start backtracking it in real time. Like trying to sound reasonable and responsible, not at all dramatic. They wanted logic, answers, a clear goal.

Are you leaving your job at the practice? No. Are you stopping the writing again? No. Then why are you adding coaching? All I could say was, because I need to do this work for myself.

Because I'm seeking something I don't have words for. Yet. That answer didn't land at all, believe me. To them, it sounded like I was being impulsive, self indulgent, having a midlife crisis.

But here's what I've learned working with midlife women. The deepest transformations start as the bull you can't explain. You don't begin with clarity.

You begin with compulsion, with restlessness, with a sense that there's something waiting for you on the other side of a choice you can't quite see yet. Let me decode what was actually happening beneath those questions, because this is important. What they asked was, how do you do this all?

Surface meaning was, I'm impressed by your time management skills. Yeah. Real meaning was, you're doing too much. You're making me feel inadequate. When are you going to crash? What they asked was, why?

When you have a full time job? Surface meaning was, I'm curious about your motivation. Real meaning was, you already have financial security. Why risk disrupting it?

Shouldn't you be grateful for what you have? And what they asked was, you're writing romance on the side. Why are you taking this on? Surface meaning was, help me understand your reasoning.

Real meaning was, you already have a creative outlet. Isn't that enough? One hobby was fine, but this feels excessive. Are you ever going to be satisfied?

And here are the questions they didn't ask out loud, the ones that they were actually driving. Their resistance. If you're allowed to keep growing and changing, what does that mean about me staying the same?

If you're allowed to want More, even when you already have enough. Does that make me complacent? If you're allowed to follow something you can't explain, do I have to examine the callings I've been ignoring?

When people question your growth, they're not really asking about your choices. They're protecting themselves from having to look at their own. They're asking whether the rules they've been living by are actually optional.

And that's terrifying. When I said I need to do the work for myself, people heard it as selfish. Like I was indulging in some expensive, expensive form of self care.

But that's not what I I meant. I've spent decades helping everyone else figure out their lives.

Managing my husband's practice, raising kids, being the responsible one, the fixer, the person who keeps everything running. And somewhere in all of that, I lost track of my own questions. The big ones. Like who am I when I'm not useful to someone else?

What do I actually want for my life? What parts of me did I bury to become who everyone else needed? Is there more to my story than what I've already written?

The coaching certification wasn't about becoming a coach. Not at first. It was about doing the inner work I'd been avoiding my entire adult life.

It was about excavating my own identity, processing my own patterns, and understanding why I built a life around everyone else's needs. I was seeking larger answers, not about how to help other women, but about how to help myself.

And here's why I couldn't explain it to my friends and family. At the beginning. You have to commit to something before you understand what it will give you.

You can't explain the outcome because you haven't lived it yet. You can't put into words what you're seeking because you haven't found it yet. You can't prove it.

It's worth it, because you don't know what it is yet. When my friends ask, why are you doing this? I desperately wanted a good answer.

Something that would make them nod and say, oh, yeah, that makes sense. But I didn't have that answer. Not yet. All I had was I have to. Something in me needs this.

And I had to learn to let that be enough for me, even if it wasn't enough for them. Through the coaching work, not just learning to coach, but being coached myself, I started to see the patterns.

How I built my identity around everyone else's needs. How I buried my own desires to become the responsible one. How I'd confuse keeping everyone happy with having a good life.

How exhausted I was from decades of over functioning. That's what I was seeking, those larger answers.

The coaching work helped me name the patterns I'd been living, unconsciously, excavate the parts of myself I'd buried, understand that I'd confused usefulness with worth, see that having it all meant nothing if I'd lost myself in the process and realized I was allowed to want things just for me. And then, only then, did I realize this works. I did this for myself. Other women need this too. The patterns uncovered in me, they're universal.

That's when the coaching practice was born. Not from a business plan, from my own transformation. So what do you actually say when people demand explanations you don't have?

Here are the scripts that work, okay. When they ask, why are you doing this? Instead of trying to manufacture logic you don't have, try.

I'm being called towards this, and I'm trusting that the clarity will come through the do it. When they ask, how do you do this all? And I get that all the time. Instead of defending your capacity, try. I'm not doing this to be busy.

I'm doing this because something in me needs it. When they ask, don't you already have enough? Instead of justifying your desires, try. This isn't about enough.

This is about answering a question I can't ignore anymore. When they ask, what are you seeking? I get that one too. Instead of pretending you have all the answers which you don't, try.

I don't know exactly yet, but I know I need to find out. The core response is this. I can't explain what I'm seeking because I haven't found it yet.

But I trust that if I follow this calling, the understanding will come. You are allowed to follow a calling before you can explain it. You are allowed to invest time in something with no clear endgame.

Pursue something that doesn't make sense to others and add to your plate not because you're bored, but because you're being called. Seek answers to questions you can't yet articulate and trust your compulsion, even when you can't even defend it.

The people who've never felt that kind of calling won't understand. And that's okay. You're not doing this for them to understand.

If you're being called towards something you can't explain, if there's a compulsion pulling at you or. But you can't justify it with logic or a clear outcome. Here's the question that changed everything for me.

What would change if you stopped asking, can I justify this? And started asking, can I trust myself with this? Because you already know the answer. That pull you're feeling, that's your answer this week.

Notice what you've been ignoring because you can't explain it yet. Maybe it's a Class A certification, a creative project, a complete pivot.

Maybe it's something that doesn't make sense, given what you already have on your plate. And instead of building a case for why you should want it, just ask, do I trust myself enough to follow this?

If the answer is yes, even a tentative yes, that's enough to take the first step. Now, here's how you can help.

First, if this episode landed for you, and if you've been trying to explain a calling and can't quite name it, share it with one woman who who needs permission to stop justifying and start trusting. Text it to her. Send it in a dm. Sometimes we need to hear someone else say it first.

And second, if the Joy shift has been meaningful to you, leaving a review helps other women find the show when they're searching for exactly this kind of permission. It takes 30 seconds and it makes a real difference. And third, don't miss what's coming next. Hit subscribe so you can catch the next episode.

We're going deeper into how to protect your calling when the questions start. If you're ready to take that first step toward what's calling you, even if you can't name it yet, I created the Midlife Reinvention Guide.

It's a starter guide that it's free, it's in the show notes, and it walks you through the questions that help clarity emerge. Thank you for being here. Thank you for trusting your callings and even when they don't make sense to anyone else, including you.

I'll see you next week. Okay, here's what I have to say to make the lawyers happy.

The Joy Shift podcast with Kiley Suarez shares my personal views and the experiences of my guests. It's meant for inspiration and conversation, not medical, psychological or financial advice. Everyone's situation is different.

Before making any big changes in your life, talk with your health care provider, mental health team, financial advisor, or another qualified professional. Take what resonates. Leave the rest. Always choose what's right for you.