Have you ever felt that the activities you used to do, the books that you used to read, and even the people that you once hung out with have all shifted? Is it because of those areas of life changing…or was it you that was doing the changing? This episode explores the age-old questions about changing attitudes and perceptions as we get older, and how evolving tastes are not purely due to environmental, social, or personal/professional changes occurring. Whether intentional or not, the cycle of life can shift these aspects of life, and it is OK to accept those changes for what they are, even if they are within your control.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 81 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Have you been shifting your friendships,

maybe even your attitudes, in a

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positive or negative direction?

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Have you been dealing with the

things that you used to enjoy as

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something that is no longer something

that you really enjoy doing?

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Do you feel that your tastes, let

alone the aspirations that you once

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had, have been shifting in a bad way,

and you need to get refocused again?

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Well, this episode might be for you,

because today, we're going to talk about

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some of the things that you have been

through, whether they are negative,

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whether they are positive, regardless

of what it is, maybe some of the things

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that you used to enjoy are no longer the

things that you want to deal with, and

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maybe the things that you used to enjoy

from a cultural standpoint, no longer are

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interesting in your cultural aptitude.

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Maybe some of the things that you

used to enjoy involved some sort of

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environmental, social, personal, or

professional change, but regardless of

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what you've been through, I know that

it can be disheartening at times to go

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through these changes and not quite sure

why those attitudes have been happening

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in the first place, maybe you were

shifting and you didn't even realize it.

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You might be going through something

that is tumultuous in nature, and maybe

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that's why the temporary changes that are

happening might be occurring in the first

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place, and you'll be right back to where

you were, that you will really enjoy all

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the things that you used to do once you

get through that hard period of your life,

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but I know that you might not be the only

person that might be feeling the way that

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I feel sometimes when it comes to some of

the types of things that I used to enjoy.

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Lately, I've been noticing a lot more

about my ability of being able to focus,

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whether it's been focusing on the reading

that I'm doing for work, or even reading

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for pleasure, let alone the different

types of interests that I have with

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television that I watch, the people that

I interact with, maybe even the time

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span, or the time management, to be able

to accomplish some of the things that I

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need to accomplish, and I think that it's

all part of the way in which we evolve.

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Whether we are evolving for a good

reason or not, this is always a natural

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progression of the things that happen

to us as we get older, and no, I'm not

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saying that you're an old fart at this

point, let alone saying to you that you

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need to retire and stop thinking about

it that way and just slap yourself back

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into shape, because all those things,

not only are rude and cruel, but they're

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not really addressing the heart of what's

really happening in the first place.

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I think that we often have

these relationships with people,

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places, and things that we used

to enjoy because they always bring

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back some sort of good memory.

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For example, I know that growing up,

I always enjoyed going to the library.

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The library that was

in my school, that is.

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It always seemed to be quiet.

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It was always a natural feeling

of euphoria, being able to walk in

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and see all the variety different

types of books that were available.

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Of course, during the times I went

to school, the personal computer,

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let alone computers in general, were

really starting to become more trendy.

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Instead of looking through a card

catalog, which I used to do back in the

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90s, I was able to, in the early 2000s,

be able to use a personal computer

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to research and find a book that was

on the bookshelf, but I know that for

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many people, libraries are not usually

the best places to find fond memories.

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Regardless of what it is, or the place

that you enjoy the most, we always have

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to have a shift in our lives that allow

us to not only create those best versions

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of ourselves in order to reach that next

level, because, usually, age requires us

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to, but we also have to figure out why

that shift happened in the first place.

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The same people that we used to hang

out with are no longer the people that

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we want to be associated with, and

I've had plenty of friends, whether

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from high school, college, or even

contemporary times, just ghost me.

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They no longer talk to me.

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They have kids now, or they just

grew tired of hearing about Speaking

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from the Heart, Your Speaking Voice

LLC, or some other sort of thing

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or project that I'm working on,

whether it's Toastmasters or not.

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I think that it isn't just about

ignoring what someone's going through

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and it isn't just about ignoring what

you might have on your social media,

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let alone what you even talk about.

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People tend to evolve into different types

of other relationships just because of the

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interests, perceptions, and other types of

factors that might go into a relationship

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with someone, whether it's a romantic

relationship, Friendship, or other type

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of professional courtesy that's extended.

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It doesn't mean that you're a bad

person, and I know that for myself,

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I struggled with that so much,

being even neurodivergent for that

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matter, because I took it personally.

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What did I do wrong that allowed

this person to walk away from me?

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What did I do wrong that allowed that

person to also walk away from me?

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Why does this keep happening to me?

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That question would always play in

my mind, time and time again, and

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I know that it probably wasn't me,

but maybe it was the attitude that

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I had, so I changed my attitude.

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No, that didn't work either.

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It always seemed that I was always

addressing or dealing with all

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kinds of different types of people,

different types of relationships,

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and even different factors.

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To be intentional about a relationship

with someone, whether it's a friendship

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or not, and to change your attitude,

whether it's a good thing or a bad

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thing, means that you actually gotta

put some effort into it, but is that

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really representing who you really are?

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The very essence of becoming

the best version of yourself?

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I know that we've often asked that

question about the best version, and

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what we are able to do to create that,

but we also have to understand that

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the people that we associate with, the

activities that we engage in, let alone

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the different types of life events

that happened to us growing up, all

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create a positive or negative influence

on our whole entire lives, and it

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doesn't mean that you're a bad person.

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It doesn't mean that as you get older,

that you have these evolving tastes, that

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maybe they're not aligning with the same

people that you used to associate with.

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It doesn't mean that you are a person

that doesn't want to be hung out with.

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It doesn't mean that you're

a bad person as a whole.

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Whether it's intentional or not, you

have to start accepting that maybe

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it's okay for that change to happen.

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Many years ago, I had a friend that

I used to know in high school that

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sometimes I would have conversations

with him, sometimes I would not.

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It was because he had different

interests than what I had, and after

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high school, I sometimes had kept in

touch with him, sometimes not, but then

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something happened to him that really

shocked me and fellow classmates that

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knew him very well from high school.

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You see, he went on to school, and

he met somebody, and murdered them.

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That person that he was with was obviously

a romantic relationship in which he killed

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that person for motives that I still

don't understand to this day, and even as

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I reflect on it, I often think, "What is

that person thinking, because they were

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not that type of person in the past."

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Obviously, there's a lot of things

that I didn't know about him that

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motivated him to do that action, one

of the heinous crimes of human society.

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Now, he's been in prison for all these

years paying his debt for his crime,

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and I often think to myself, "What

could I have done differently to be able

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to interact with him, and maybe even

appreciate the type of person that he is?"

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As much as I can speculate about what

some of the things he could have done

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differently, I still don't have all

the information, even from a coaching

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perspective, to be able to assist him,

and it's funny because, for some people,

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going through some of these situations,

especially of a traumatic loss, which

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is not funny at all, it still creates

some of those conversations within

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ourselves that ask the question: "Why

did that attitude in that person change?

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What can we do within our control

to really help that person, or even

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ourselves for that matter, to create

that opportunity for ourselves to

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be listened to, cared about, and

maybe, just maybe, be able to be

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influenced in a more positive way?"

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Now, I know that for many of us, we have

a lot of different things that we need

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to be able to work on that create not

just those attitudes so that we don't

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go down that nasty path, not only that

nasty situation that might cause us to

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rethink and really hurt other people's

feelings, emotions, let alone maybe

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even the things that they're struggling

with, but if you really think about the

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bigger scheme of things, especially with

somebody like my classmate that murdered

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somebody else, obviously there was a

lot of hurt, pain, suffering, and other

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sort of emotions and attitudes going

through that particular type of person.

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I know that for many of us, we really

are compassionate listeners, and we're

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going to talk about that in a future

episode, and I know that we've even

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talked about it in some context on past

episodes, but to be intentional about

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listening to somebody else is really an

art form in its own, with not just the

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things that we are dealing with, but also

the things that are changing around us.

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Oh yes, the environmental

aspect as a whole.

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The things that we read, the

people that we hang out with, and

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even the activities, they will

all evolve in one way or another.

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What we used to enjoy doing at one

time may no longer be applicable

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to our future selves, so we have to

fill the void with those different

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types of things that do give us that

enrichment, but the real question

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becomes: Have you been intentional

about spending time to do just that?

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Have you been able to work on new

activities that allow you to feel

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like you're living and breathing?

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Have you read books that are helping

you to enrich, empower, and inspire?

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Are you listening, or even hanging

out, or associating with, people

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that allow you to create not just

those relationships, but also those

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abilities that maybe you would have not

been able to unlock all by yourself?

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I think this is a very tough question

and a very tough proposition in this

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episode to really start exploring all

of those different types of concepts,

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and I would definitely need a lot more

time to explore those different avenues,

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but I want to answer this in a way in

which might be universal in application,

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let alone help you, especially if you

feel that you're not living that life

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that you wanted to live for so long.

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Maybe you are struggling with some of

the things that you used to do, and

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maybe you need to get back on track.

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I think that for many of us, it's just

about being able to take that time,

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reflect on it, journal about it, ask

the appropriate questions so that we

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can be able to get back on track on the

things that we really want to do, but

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it's not just about what we need to do.

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It's about, really, understanding why

we deviated from that path in the first

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place and getting back on track when

it counts the most, and I know that for

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many of us, we can work with a coach.

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We can figure out what's going on.

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We can address those sort of problems,

but it's a lot more to be able to say

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to yourself, and reflect intentionally,

about what you need to do to create

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those best opportunities for yourself.

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Start asking those questions today, and

maybe you can start to figure out how to

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get back on track, but on the other side

of this, you need to also think about

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the fact that maybe, just maybe, those

interests are no longer serving you.

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For many years of my life,

I had been moving away from

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a lot of different things.

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Toastmasters, doing Rotary might have been

something in the cards, but not so much.

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I also have been thinking about how I

can use my talents to now volunteer in

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a new organization in which I had left

the Shalom House late last year, and

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now have to figure out a new volunteer

opportunity that I really want to give

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back with my talents and my gifts, but

I know that I have to keep asking those

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questions and keep reflecting on what's in

my heart to be able to share with others,

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to be able to increase my visibility,

to be able to advocate and reaffirm the

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fact that I have been trying so hard to

work on myself because my new identity,

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the things that I've been working on

myself, even after I started my business

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earlier last year, have been an important

aspect in my overall development of

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myself, let alone others for that matter.

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I know that it can be very easy for us

to forget about what has happened in

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the past and just shuffle it under the

rug, but for some of us, we really do

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value those relationships with people,

and we really want to have them back.

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Now, I'm not saying today that maybe you

need to call that old friend, or that old

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chum of yours, to be able to say, "Hey.

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When do you have time available

to you so that we can hang out?"

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Everybody grows in a lot of different

ways, and as an old best friend

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that I recently connected with

said, things happen for a reason.

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It's okay to not be able to talk

to me all the time, as I can't

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talk to you all the time because

of my differing responsibilities

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and priorities now in my life.

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I think that if we just have that

understanding, that appreciation, that

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we do go through those different types

of life events, not only are we able

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to get to the other side, but we might

be able to even rekindle some of those

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past feelings, emotions, relationships

that we have with others, and it doesn't

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make you a bad person if you're not able

to form those relationships ever again.

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I have always believed that it's

really important to understand

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that things happen for a reason.

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They all have their divine time and

their intervention in our lives, so even

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if you're feeling that maybe you should

have connected to that person, maybe you

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should have been able to work on that

relationship a little bit better, or maybe

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you even have a different attitude towards

that type of person or that experience

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that you're going through, just know

that not everything happens for a reason.

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Maybe you were dodging a bullet,

and maybe you would have been one

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of my friends that was in jail.

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Maybe you were dealing with that.

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I think that you have a lot of different

things going on in your life that

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might have caused you to deviate from

a different path, and as much as I

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want to speculate about my friend who's

still sitting in prison, I want them to

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know that maybe if they're listening to

this, that I give them some inspiration

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today that might be related to you.

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No matter what kind of mistake you've

made, even if it's the heinous crime

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of murder, we can all be forgiven if

we're willing to repent, recuse, and

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move on, and know that even with people

that we have hurt, we can still make

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big differences in trying to make a

big difference in other people's lives,

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knowing that we have those mistakes

that we have made behind us, and even if

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it's intentional or not that we forget

about those different types of people,

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know that we can accept change for what

it is, and that even if it's not in our

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control, or if it's in our control, we

can have evolving tastes in not only

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the environmental, cultural, social,

personal, or professional aspects of our

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lives, but that we can always have that

age old question of why is this change

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happening be resolved by just knowing that

we are authentic, evolving human beings.

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And hey, it's okay to have a

new hobby, and maybe even have

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a new adventure for that matter.

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I know that I'm looking forward

to having new relationships, new

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attitudes, and new ways in which I can

create my best version of myself and

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the values that I provide to others,

because the world is our own tapestry.

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If we're able to keep on working on that

tapestry to help each other, whether

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we are able to connect or not, I think

that's what's making progress, progress.

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Progress in itself can create so many

different types of opportunities,

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aspirations, and attitudes in ourselves

to help us not only grow, but foster a

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whole new generation of other people to

do just the same, so keep on working on

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yourself, and don't worry about what's

happening in the past, because it's

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always about what's happening in the

present, and what is happening in the

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future, that allows you to become not

just that awesome person that you are,

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but maybe even helping other people along

the way, even if you think that they are

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forgotten, because they are looking at

you, one way or another, and don't worry,

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even if they are taking notes, just pay

attention to who you are, and maybe I'll

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see you on the other side of not only

improving yourself, but improving others.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 81 of Speaking from the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.