Accepting where you are after loss is a deeply personal journey that we explore in this episode. I dive into the importance of listening to our needs and letting go of the expectations that can weigh us down in these challenging times. Loss can take many forms, from the departure of a loved one to the end of a significant relationship, and each experience calls for a unique response. I share my heartfelt reflections on my own recent loss, illustrating how the process of grief is intertwined with acceptance and self-compassion. Together, we discuss the significance of honoring where we are emotionally, physically, and mentally, allowing ourselves the grace to heal without judgment. So, grab your favorite cup of tea, get cozy, and let’s navigate this journey together.

In this deeply personal episode, Aline offers a rich tapestry of insights on accepting one's current state after a significant loss. The conversation is woven with her experiences of deep grief following the passing of her cat, Cleo, who had been her companion for 17 years. Aline discusses the importance of allowing oneself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, asserting that acknowledging feelings like anger or sadness can alleviate the emotional burden that often accompanies grief. She emphasizes the need for patience and compassion towards oneself during this vulnerable time, advocating for a gentle approach to self-care. The episode also addresses the societal pressures that often dictate how one should grieve or heal, encouraging listeners to cast aside these expectations and instead focus on their personal journey. Aline's warmth and empathy shine through as she invites listeners to honor their individual experiences, reinforcing that healing is a personal and often nonlinear journey. With grace and understanding, she guides her audience towards a path of self-acceptance and emotional openness, offering hope and comfort to those navigating their own losses.

Hello, Borgias, and a warm welcome to Accepting.

I'm Aline, your host, and in this episode, we're going to be diving into accepting where you are after loss, listening to your needs and releasing expectations of yourself and others.

So get yourself cozy, grab yourself a cup of tea, and let's dive in.

Welcome, gorgeous.

Last week I shared an episode from two years ago with you which was about discovering and feeling into what our values are.

And it feels so strong to continue that into this episode and explain why I shared an episode from two years ago.

Last week I released expectations on myself.

I accepted where I was and I listened to my needs.

So what I would like to delve into, into this episode is accepting where we are after loss.

And loss can mean anything.

Loss could be that a beautiful being has left your life.

For me, it's my gorgeous girl Cleo, who was with me for 17 years, and she was my beautiful feline guide, and she still is.

So what I've been really feeling into since she went to another plane is grief, quite frankly, is how nothing will ever be the same and accepting that the only constant is change, you know, the beautiful circle of life.

Last week I was about to record an episode and my body just really, really didn't feel.

Feel like recording an episode.

And I went into a beautiful session with one of my guides, and I've been lucky enough to be introduced to the Goetia with, with my beautiful, incredible mentors.

And I spoke with one of the Goetia spirits who specifically helps us understand what is going on, you know, peeling off all the layers, peeling off all the emotions, the drama, et cetera, et cetera.

And I asked practically to understand what was happening.

And I had the most beautiful response.

It was that my body, all of my bodies were so used to, for 17 years, having this gorgeous presence in my life.

And my body was trying to make up for this gap and my body was trying to readjust.

And I remembered one thing very crucial amongst many that one of my spiritual mentors, Christos T. Perry, has said before is when you do any kind of spiritual work is allow your body to catch up, because your mental, your astral or your other bodies, your emotional body, are going through what they're going through.

And the body that's here on earth, planted down, needs time to catch up.

And I was reminded of this, and this is what's been happening.

And so I really felt today to talk about accepting where we are after loss.

So loss could be you've lost a beautiful loved one, it could be that You've lost a relationship.

It could be a friendship or a romantic relationship, or you've fallen out with a family member or a job relationship.

It could be absolutely anything.

Loss can also be grieving for the life that you're leaving behind because you're realizing who you are, who you truly are.

So loss can come in, in many, many different ways and it doesn't necessarily have to be, have a negative connotation to it.

So as much as it feels in that moment that it's really not a blessing in disguise.

Everything happens for a reason.

Everything is giving us an experience to grow and it's accepting where we are in that moment.

So it's accepting, okay, today I'm feeling emotional.

Today I'm feeling like clearing out a drawer.

Today I'm feeling like I don't want to speak to anybody and I just want to switch all the technology off and just focus on self care.

It's accepting wherever you are, my gorgeous.

So every minute of every day accepting where you are.

Because before we can start healing and we can start accepting that there's a change that's happened and we can start accepting our new life if you like.

We have to accept where we are physically, emotionally and mentally.

And that is the key.

And it's not judging ourselves where we are and it's feeling into, okay, so as an example for me, I went into complete numbness.

I went into complete distraction mode and.

And then I would be howling my eyes out as my body is, is grieving and feeling that there's this loss.

You know, she, my beautiful girl was with me for 17 years.

We've had so much experience together.

She lived with me in England.

She then moved with me to Andalusia.

She then moved with me to Barcelona and then she moved back to Andalucia with me.

And she has been my constant.

And she was there when I had my accident, she was there when I gave up alcohol.

She's been through all these beautiful transitions with me.

And to not have that presence there is a process.

And so that's why I'm saying to you, it's an absolute process.

My gorgeous.

And is not saying that one person's process is worse or better than another.

We're all going through whatever we're going through.

And it's really important just to accept where you are.

If you're feeling angry, if you're feeling upset, if you're feeling nonchalant, if you're feeling detached instead of pushing it down and ignoring it is accept it.

It's so Important because the moment we accept, okay, I'm feeling angry at the moment, or I'm feeling, I'm feeling very, very sad at the moment or I'm feeling scared at the moment.

The moment we accept that it minimizes, if you like, the drama that we can create out of a single emotion.

So for some reason that's coming through to say and it's so, so important that we're gentle with ourselves, that we accept exactly how our body's feeling now if we've got aches and pains or as a woman, I'm going through perimenop so I'm balancing and managing my emotions at the moment as well.

And, and when I'm.

I'm in a state of releasing as, as I'm.

As I'm recording this, it's my moon time as well at the moment.

So it's being really, really kind to ourself and, and listening to our bodies, so listening to what our body needs.

So first we accept where we are and then we can start listening.

So if your body just needs to have a bath or a shower and just rest and switch everything off, honour that.

If your body wants to sit down, be with your inner child and watch an animation or a movie, be with that.

Just feel into what your body needs and notice as well.

It's really important as well.

As much as it's important to have time on our own, it's also important not to shut everybody out.

And there will be a moment where you are ready to be with people and there will be moments where you don't want to be with people.

So it's accepting where you are in any given moment.

And those who love you will absolutely accept where you are.

So those who love you will absolutely accept where you are in your process.

And the main person to accept where you are in your process is you, my gorgeous.

And not put any judgment on it and just allow it.

Do notice though if there are any patterns that are prolonging themselves.

So for example, full disclosure, with my numbing myself, I was watching films and series just to shut out all the noise in my head and I was falling asleep on the sofa.

I was still sleeping.

Okay.

I wasn't looking after myself properly because I was just numbing, numbing, numbing.

And I.

It was important that I noticed that pattern.

I didn't judge myself for that pattern.

There was a minuscule moment where I did judge myself.

I mentioned before that I had been doing distractions and for me the distraction of closing out noise because I receive messages a lot is just immersing myself into a beautiful, beautiful film, or immersing myself into beautiful writing, playwriting or whatever it is.

I go into story.

Story land, if you like storytelling.

I love storytelling and for me that has been a real comfort.

Now I noticed recently that I was doing it rather a lot, so I have accepted that that situation has happened.

And then now I'm starting to put in place.

Well, instead of watching three films in a row, what else could I do with that?

And what I've started to do is I have all of my paperwork out and I'm actually starting to organize and I'm starting to organise things.

So everything's going to be in its place, just where I need it to be and reorganize.

And what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.

So it's so important that you're listening to your needs and especially as empaths and we talk about healthy boundaries, as putting yourself first before anybody else.

This is so important at the moment.

If you're going through any kind of loss, the world is changing.

We're all going much more towards the Divine Feminine.

We have about five planets in retrograde at the moment as well.

So there's a lot going on and it is really inviting us to go in.

And when we go in, sometimes people can be concerned that we're not.

That we're isolating ourselves or we're not present or we're not at the end of the phone for them.

And it's really important that we honour our needs first.

And if anything we're doing is with good intentions, then however that person is perceiving our actions is their choice.

It's not our responsibility how other people receive our good intentions.

So what's really important is looking after ourselves first.

So it's accepting where we are, listening to our body's needs.

So we might want fresh air, we might want to do some stretching.

I've been doing some gorgeous.

It's called Asian Pilates.

I've been doing that most mornings and it's really lovely because it's just getting ourselves into our bodies, into my body.

I'm talking about now going for a walk, being underneath the tree.

We've had torrential rain here, we've had weather warnings, which is why I'm recording today.

And also I'm recording today because I feel like recording today.

And to.

And I was guided to do it for myself as well, is to recognize what are my values, recognize what are my passions, recognize what, what are my beliefs, what are My passions and what are my non negotiables.

So when something has happened to us and using the word loss, it's really important that we have such compassion for ourselves.

Such compassion.

And when we're listening to our body's needs, that's when we can go back in and say, okay, what are my values at the moment?

What am I, what are my passions at the moment?

Because they can change as well.

There may be a passion that you had before that's gone, or, or there may be a passion that was really, really small that's got so much larger.

It's really important to just check in on ourselves again and go, okay, what are my, what are my beliefs?

What are my passions?

And this is why I was mentioning last week with the, with the COVID It's our superpower is standing up for what we believe in.

And I've realized more since Cleo, my beautiful girl has passed that whereas before, I wouldn't necessarily say, oh, I'm vegan, I'm this or that.

This is me.

My energy is, I adore animals.

And for me to be able to be in the world being heart centered, that means I can't have any kind of animal products in me.

Absolutely no way.

And I'm not saying that that's what everybody should do.

I'm saying it's your choice and feel into what, what works for you.

And this is what's really, really important is in terms of expectations.

So what other people expect of us, we put that to the side.

What we expect of ourselves, we put that to the side because that is putting pressure on ourselves.

When we start expecting things of us, we are working with what's happened and what we should do.

And I'm using inverted commas with should and what we should be as seen as the norm in terms of how do we behave when a loss has happened, how do we behave around others, you know, the stiff upper lip of England or that, you know, there's a timescale of, oh, she should be absolutely fine by now.

Ignore all of that.

You are where you are, my gorgeous.

So you accept where you are.

You listen to your body's needs.

Are you needing more water?

Are you needing more fruits?

You're needing more vegetables?

Is your body craving carbohydrates?

Because you need that comfort, Acknowledge that and honor that, you know, and obviously listen to what your body needs really.

And it's, you know, releasing those expectations.

So when society expects us to be okay by now is actually having a little feel into, well, what are my values about this?

What are my beliefs on this?

Do I believe that I should conform and I should feel better by now?

And when we put those expectations on ourselves, it's too much pressure when we say to ourselves, I'm going to allow the process.

I'm going to allow myself to be healed.

I'm going to allow my heart to heal.

I'm going to allow whatever my body needs me to go through this process, to feel healed again, to feel well again, to feel I can show up in my own skin again.

And I'm going to allow however long that takes without judgment.

And I'm going to show up in the way I can show up.

And I'm going to release expectations of myself because I know that there will be the expectations from where that loss has gone.

All of my bodies will be expecting that beautiful being to be here or will be expecting me to be acting in a certain way as I did, as I'm moving on from my old life.

And it needs patience.

It needs time and patience and love and compassion rather than expectations.

I choose compassion.

I choose compassion for where I am at the moment.

I. I'm smiling because I've just looked out the window and an eagle is just coming over, which is the soul in.

In shamanism, which is beautiful.

So I am compassionate with myself and equally I am compassionate with others as much as I can be.

And I release expectations on myself and I release expectations on others.

Because there may be others around you who don't know how to be around you.

They're not recognizing you because you are not recognizing yourself in the moment, in that moment and where you were very much everybody's shoulder to cry on.

You just need that time and space for yourself, my gorgeous.

You know, it's so important.

And if we can express that in such a way and others can understand that, wonderful.

If they choose to understand it in another way, that's their choice.

And it's not having.

It's releasing expectations about how people can help us.

It's releasing expectations of how people can show up with us because we don't know how people are going to show up.

We can't control how people are going to show up.

We don't know what it might be triggering for them.

We don't know what emotions may be rising for them.

Because we're going through what we're going through.

And in that sense, it's really important that we put our needs first.

Because if we feel others have expectations that she should, she should be okay by now, that's their expectations.

And we don't put those expectations on ourselves.

We allow ourselves with compassion, to go through what we need to go through, to feel what all our body needs.

All our bodies need to feel what we need in any given moment and allow ourselves to be in that moment and start creating healthy habits of compassion and love and understanding.

And understanding that we may be angry, understanding that we may be scared, understanding that we may be sad.

And that is okay.

We can't just show up all Pollyanna, I'm fine.

That's not going to help anybody.

And the main person, my gorgeous, to be honest with is yourself.

Be really, really honest with yourself.

After whatever situation's happened, how do you actually feel at the moment?

I'd even invite you to journal.

I've been journaling a lot and I've been writing more poetry as well.

And then other days, I realized today I hadn't written anything since Wednesday, so it was allowing myself to go, okay, so why did I block that?

Why have I not written any thing since Wednesday?

And my answer to myself was my body was preparing for my period and just needed to just be still and held and cozy and not the expectations of writing something out every day, taking that expectation away and just feeling into it.

And today I wrote a lot because that felt right for me.

So it's about accepting where we are.

It's about listening to our body's needs, and it's about releasing expectations of ourselves and others.

Because when we have expectations, it's built on what we've experienced before.

And when we do that, we're not allowing the moment to happen.

So it's so important.

Yes, absolutely.

When I talk about releasing expectations, it doesn't necessarily mean don't have goals.

It just means don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Allow all of your bodies to go through what they need to go through for you to come out the other end.

However that looks for you, my gorgeous.

And as creative, intuitive empaths, it's going to look very, very different for every single one of us.

And it's accepting your process.

It's accepting what your body needs, and it's accepting compassion, love, and understanding.

And that is when the healing takes place.

Okay, gorgeous, so I really hope this episode's helped you.

The intention for these episodes are always from my heart and it's feeling into where we are at the moment and sharing.

And I really hope this is helping, helping those listening.

And if you can, please share with others who you think it may help.

I am in the moment of offering the entire charis method, which is taking the process that it needs to take for it to come together again.

And it's everything.

I've written a beautiful book of poems that are going to be included in the Charis method.

And it's allowing it all to calibrate together, especially with these retrogrades that we have at the moment, that are inviting us to go in.

It's allowing myself to be where I am and showing up in authenticity.

And if my body's saying not today, it's allowing that.

It's not pushing me to record.

It's not pushing me to show up on social media and.

And share.

It's allowing what do I need in this exact moment in time.

And by honoring what we need ourselves, we can kind of begin.

I call it the domino effect.

The other way we can start rising, bringing other people up and allowing them to be where they are.

Because I truly believe that once we all start accepting who we are and where we are, then we can get on with why we're really here, which is love and compassion, you know, as empaths.

It's love and compassion and joy.

And as much as experiences and events can have hurt us, we're here for those experiences.

And it's allowing ourselves to heal.

It's allowing ourselves to go through the motions, to go through the emotions.

It's allowing ourselves to do that.

And it's patience and love and compassion.

And I may sound like a broken record, that's what it is.

It's patience, love and compassion for ourselves and for others.

And we put ourselves first.

And then as we've healed, as we've allowed our body to recalibrate into that present moment of this is what my reality looks like now.

That is when we can start inviting other experiences in.

So let's just focus on baby steps.

Accepting where you are after loss, listening to your body's needs and releasing all expectations.

All right, my gorgeous.

So sending you huge, huge love.

Have a beautiful week and please reach out to me as well.

I do really love to hear from you.

And if you feel this episode has helped, please do leave a review.

We are.

We are with the intention of love and compassion.

So this is what these episodes are all about.

And we want to reach as many people as possible, to reach their hearts as well.

So much love.