Empowering Women, One Story at a Time with Heather Nelson

Episode 150 • 12th March 2024 • Momma Has Goals • Kelsey Smith

0:00

The twist is at some point in our lives, we're all going to go through something hard, whether that's divorce, whether that's losing a child, some of my stories, I get chills just thinking about because I just think about hearing them human trafficking, losing their sister to fentanyl overdose. You name the gamut. They're out there, the stories are out there. And a lot of women just feel like they can't tell them because they're going to be shamed, or they're embarrassed or whatever it might be. But I don't want people to feel that way. I want them to feel empowered to be like, This is my story. This is my journey. This is who I am.

0:34

Let's reimagine mom life together. Mama high schools is your hub for relatable support and helpful resources that help you fuel yourself alongside motherhood. Your identity is bigger than mom, and whatever your goals are, together, we're making them a reality. Wow, what a powerful conversation today do I have for you? I am super excited to take you along on this journey as we talk about blended families, surrogacy being a surrogate to being on the other side of it personal development, confidence retreats, starting companies and podcasts events and navigating all of that alongside careers and motherhood and so much more. Today. Our guests Heather Nelson is a seasoned expert in the hospitality industry with over 20 years of dedicated experience and events. She is a significant influencer in Sonoma County and recently founded the connection. It's a company committed to empowering small businesses through curating business development plans, leveraging her extensive network, she excels in linking individuals with the precise resources needed for business growth, spanning market strategies, event curation, and business relations management. As a mom of now for Anna, Sergey, she is deeply devoted to women's empowerment. She hosts an inspiring podcast called The Life conversations with a twist, where women share their stories to empower and inspire others. She has harnessed this passion to create events that foster both professional and personal growth. And outside of all of her professional pursuits and goals, she wears multiple hats as a mom of four recent Sarah get wife, community leader, and she finds joy in savoring food and wine at local restaurants. And that is a true reflection of her love for the community that she calls home here in the hospitality and wine industry. I really love this conversation. Because it's very raw, it's very real, we talk about all the different things that you may relate to things that you've been curious about, I break down my naive questions, and so much more. So grab a beverage to enjoy during this conversation. And let's dive in either I'm super excited to chat today. I love when people in our lives connect us with other people that are just like super aligned. And I think of you as this like local hometime like hero that everyone is connected with and wants to be like in your world and a part of, and we're going to unpack like how that showed up for you personally and professionally and having those networking skills. But I think it is just so fun when we can let our professions and our energy, light and lead. And you do that so well. So I'm super excited to have you here today. As we jump in, I want to just start with that. Would you consider yourself like a community leader? Always? Or have you developed into this role of helping people in the community share their stories navigate their businesses? Where did it really all begin? Take us back to the beginning.

3:35

back in the pandemic, around: 2019

6:40

oh, I love that, so much to unpack there. And I think so many people can relate to so many different parts of your story. A couple of the things that I think are really good call outs is once you got involved into the group, you saw what was available in your current city, my husband in our family, we went and lived in an Airbnb last year for five months. And part of that was figuring out like, do we for sure want to stay where we're at. And we were pretty sure we did. But I had a bunch of events going on, we didn't want to have to leave the kids every month. And we're like, and let's see, like how we feel being gone for a couple months. And what we noticed is that where we went was Phoenix Scottsdale has way more going on than where we live. And so we at first were like, gosh, there's so much to do for the kids here. There's so much fun stuff. But what we did notice when we came back, and we really thought about it is we weren't even taking advantage of what already was in our town. Sure, there was more there. But we weren't appreciating what we even had where we were. And I think that is so important. So I love that you're saying like I got involved. And I was like, What are we doing here? What are the things that we have going on? Because it's so easy to like, go to your local grocery store and be like, there's nothing to do in this town or there's nothing to do here. We're not doing anything, what's this town doing. But it's you're just not in the right rooms, having the right conversations to know like what people are doing. So I think that's really cool. And a good reminder for all of us. And the other thing you remind me of is you said people are like I hate networking. And I remember when, but I was in my last job. And I took this it's called 16 personalities quiz. And it was like a mini version of Myers Briggs. And it came out and it was like one of your skill sets is like networking. And at that time I was in all these networking events for work. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I hate these. I hate going to this. But what I realized later is it's not always the networking as a whole to what you're networking about. Have you noticed that whereas you've been able to do more networking, and you help other people learn how to do this, right? This is a skill set that you can like, teach and help people cultivate their businesses, their brands, their personal competence and networking. So have you seen that shown up for yourself or others, where it's not that you hate marketing, or networking? It's not that you hate getting into these different rooms and connecting with people you just don't like what you're talking about? How do we talk about something different?

9:08

That's interesting. You bring that up, I'm actually speaking next month for I'm still I still have my hand in the events industry, my husband and I have our event setup labor company. So I am definitely still involved in the industry. And plus, some of my clients are in the industry. But I'm speaking on that. And as I'm noodling around, what I'm going to talk about, I think at the end of the day, what a lot of people think about networking is like if you think you have to go out there to sell like you're going out there to sell your product, you're selling your business or you sell your service. But that's not what it's about. And I think that people need to get out of their head and think about it more as selling yourself and like selling you as a brand because I think you can work somewhere and you can sell that but the reason why you got them there is because of you. I really want people to think of it that way and not just like selling themselves. And you have these conversations you you don't want to be like this is what I do and this is why you should buy from me and blah, blah, blah, no. Do you have kids? What do you like to do, like really getting to know people. And I think if you go in and that approach, then it's a little bit more easier. But I've met so many amazing people, so many amazing people. And to be honest, there's some days where I don't want to go, I'm just so exhausted, I've had a long day, and I just don't want to be on. And it's those nights or those events where I walk away. And I'm like, dang, if I didn't go, I would have met that person. Or Oh, I like it's crazy how the world works. But I've met so many great people, and so many connections through that so and

10:35

permission to be human and not want to do it all the time, but still show up anyways. I love that. Now you were talking about just like your genuine heart, right. And the it's not about sales. It's about like genuinely wanting to get to know people and having this curiosity streak is really what I think it is about learning about someone's life, business, whatever it is. But when we're like kind hearted people, there's this other part of that, where we have to sometimes let go of attachment where it's not about you, if you're not able to help that person in their business, or you're just not able to have a good conversation, you're not able to have that connection, you have to just kind of, I have a friend that says bless and release, how have you seen that show up if you're in situations where I think sometimes people can go into a situation and they get so caught up on the end result, the end result could be like how many business cards I got, or how many people I met, it could be making a sale could be finding a best friend at the mom meet up whatever it is, if it doesn't go to plan, or it's just not working out, how have you through all your networking connecting stayed in a role to come back to you even when maybe a relationships just not meant to be?

11:42

Not every relationship is meant to be and like we were talking that not every client is for you either. And so I think that one of my words, this year is intentional. And I want to be intentional about my time and who I give my time to I have four kids and a husband and podcast and like I am stretched really thin. But I really think it's about being intentional about your time and who you give it to. And if you're not connecting with some buddy, and it's just doesn't feel right, and you walk away and you just don't feel good. Like no one has time for that. I believe, though that you always should be kind and still, like nice to people and still stay connected, whether that's Oh, here's my business card, or here's LinkedIn or whatever, because you never know where they might show up again. And you never know when they might be a potential client or they're your past my cross. So I believe in you just being kind, but it's okay to, to not want to be around somebody or have someone in your life or give that time. If somebody keeps asking you to hang out. You don't want to be hanging out with them. Don't hang out with them when I think that people they feel obligated. But at the end of the day, not everyone is for everybody.

12:49

Yeah, I love that. And how did you get started in a podcast? Because I think this is I'm going to like totally shift gears because I'm thinking about this. And I'm just thinking about, I remember being in a similar industry similar space to you. And I didn't not love it. There were things that I absolutely love about that industry. But it wasn't like, I wasn't meant to be there forever. I wasn't meant to have that be my thing. And you can like something and want more and have another part of you. And so your podcast, was that really the first way you broke out of the industry and stepped into like different conversations different ways? Or was there something first,

13:27

there's kind of two parts. So I think the first part of how I got to where I am today is yes, my job was fulfilling. And I I loved what I did, and I love my clients and I loved all that. But I actually read a book and you probably read it is a girl wash your face by Rachel Hollis.

13:42

I actually haven't read it. But I have heard amazing things about all of Rachel Hollis as books, so everyone should read it. But it just like hasn't been one I've prioritized well, and

13:52

I never read either. That wasn't a thing for me there. But someone's like, you should just read it. I'm like, I'm gonna read it. Literally, That book changed my life. I literally get chills when I think about it because it made me put my life in a different perspective. And I had gotten divorced and got into a new relationship. And I was happy. But there was I was missing something else. And so that book shed some light on being bigger and setting goals and just being more instead of just kind of stuck in your day to day and I grew up that way. And my family is like that. We never went on vacation. My mom just they everyone went to work came home, it was very, they just had their eight to five job and that was it. And I feel like there's so much more to life than that. So that was like the one that kind of led me to wanting to be a life coach and that world and then the pandemic happened. That's a whole nother story. But during that time, I go back to my job where I'm meeting with clients and I would say 90% of our clients were women. I go to lunch with them. They are clients of mine. And for some reason there's something about me that people would just tell me their whole life story. I can meet people like one time and the first 20 minutes they tell me I Everything I hate my husband, I'm getting a divorce, like, whatever it might be. And I was like, and I'm just hearing all these crazy stories and all these unique stories. And I'm like, there's gotta be somewhere that people can tell these stories, because I'm sure other women are going through the same thing. Or you hear someone, they're like, I lost my husband, for whatever reason, and I knew someone else that had is going through that. So I'm like, how do we connect these people, because I feel like you can get through it together if you're in the room or around someone who has been through it. And so that's where the podcast came, I was like, I want a platform where I can have women on there to feel confident to be comfortable to tell their stories. And that's where live conversations with source came from.

15:41

I love it. And so on the podcast, I know a couple of people have been on it, and I've listened to it. But for those that want to dive in, it's really having these real life conversations and having the twist to me, the word twist is in we're being real, right? And we're talking about that. You may have sunshine and rainbows. But you might also have these like tears and hardness and whatnot. Is that your intention with the word twist? Or what does twist mean to you?

16:07

That's exactly what it was. Yeah. And when I originally had started the podcast, I really wanted to, in my head, I wanted to be in person and sit next to this girl and have a glass of wine and have a real life conversation, because that's those were the conversations I was already having. And then the pandemic hit. So I went on Zoom, and I've been on Zoom now. And now it's just easier that way. But as I'm going, I'll have another season. But I think my fourth season, I want to get back to doing it. I want to do it in person, because I want to have that connection. But yeah, the twist is, at some point in our lives, we're all going to go through something hard, whether that's divorce, whether that's losing a child, some of my stories, I get chills just thinking about because I just think about hearing them human trafficking, losing their sister to fentanyl overdose, you name the gamut. They're out there, the stories are out there. And a lot of women just feel like they can't tell them because they're going to be shamed, or they're embarrassed or whatever it might be. But I don't want people to feel that way. I want them to feel empowered to be like, This is my story. This is my journey. This is who I am. This is how like I got to this point, and helping other women to see that. And so that's where that's where my passion lies with the podcasts.

17:17

I'm curious when situations come up with either people on your podcast or in real life, when these people are telling you all their stories, something I get a lot from our community is they can't share what they're going through. Because it's not only about them, right? Like they can't say, Hey, this is what I'm navigating because it's about their kid or it's about their husband or their family member or whatever. So it's not all their story to share. What advice would you give to a woman that needs support needs to hear, share her story or have someone hear it? But it's not. She can't? What do you do?

17:51

I say who cares? But that's just me. I personally struggle with that. I'm a pretty big open book. If you listen to all my solo episodes, I pretty honest. I am very sensitive about my ex husband, I don't like to badmouth him, I have nothing really to badmouth him about, but I've never like really deep down told that story. So that I understand that. And I think there's ways to tell a story where you're not throwing somebody under the bus, per se, but I've had women not come on because of the same reason I've had, I've seen women go through divorce. And I'm like, God, please come on. And just like navigating blended family and all those because that that is a situation that most women, that's a high percentage that we go through. And so it's not an easy process. And it's different for everyone. And so just letting them be able to share what they want to share. But I've had women they're like, I don't feel comfortable. And then because I have a stepdaughter, I don't want to badmouth her mom, because yeah, you don't want things to come back at you. So I think there's an elegant way of telling your story without throwing people under the bus or making them look bad. But I think my biggest thing is you never know that there's someone out there listening, that your story can impact them and change their lives. And there's been many times after I post an episode, someone will say, Oh, my gosh, that resonated with me. And that really hit home, I just found out that I have cancer or like, whatever the situation might be. And that's what it's all about. Yeah.

19:13

And you're doing such a cool thing now where you're cultivating some in person right now, especially groups through like day events or your retreat coming up. And that kind of gives these women a safe place to do that maybe for the first time to really have those more in depth relationships and connections for someone that doesn't have that in their life or they're craving more of it. Other than coming to your retreat and your events. What are some ways that they could get started in finding those rooms that are safe places to open up? Gosh, there's

19:44

so many great ones. Hillary is a perfect example. She was one of the ones that wanted us to connect. It's so interesting, because I am I have born and raised in Sonoma County. So like I've been routed here and I literally know everyone if you anyone who meets like they're like, Oh, this is how then she knows Is everyone and then two seconds later someone walks in room, of course I know them. So I forget that there's so many women that are here. And they don't have people, they don't have a support system, they don't have friends I see on Facebook groups all the time, like I'm looking for somewhere to find women. And so for me, I want to be able to offer that. So I think long term, I would love to figure out how to have a group and have a space where people could do that. But there's so many great groups out there that are doing that Hillary with she can club, there's so many mommy groups. And so I think that a lot of people get scared. And they're like, oh, I don't know how to put myself out there. But oh, my God, if you can just get in the room and meet one or two people, it's powerful. And then it just starts growing. And if you're open to it, and telling people what you need, or where you need support, our community isn't so great that there'd be like, have you met this person? Have you met this person? Have you met this person, which is why my company is called the connection hive? Because I really believe in connections. And I really believe that we all need something and like, how do I connect everyone to those people. So I would say look at Facebook groups, like women's retreats, put yourself out there, there's so many great little things I know, there's event pages where you can find those things. But I would encourage if you're in that little rut, go be in those rooms, you can even email me or text me and I will tell you where to go to. Because I don't want people to feel alone. And I want people to feel like they have friends and support.

21:19

Yeah, I love that. I know, we have some moms in our community that live in really rural areas, right. And they're like, I have to drive an hour to even get to a community or get to these different places. And so I think that can make it harder. I think that online connection is so powerful. And that has been a huge part of my story. Because yeah, if you have a baby asleep on top of you, or you have to drive an hour, or you have these different variables, you're a full time working mom, I remember when I first had my first son, and all the money meetups and all the events I wanted to go to were like 10am on a Tuesday. And I was like I have a job. And it's a child like there's no way I can get there. And so I think that it's finding what does work for you to your point, looking at Eventbrite, putting things up on Facebook groups, finding local events, but I also do love the concept of retreats. And honestly, before I had been in this space, I haven't really heard of retreats, what was your introduction into retreats, because I think it's a really good way for you to get out of your environment and get into a safe space where you can go and kind of be this other version of yourself or the full version of yourself. And it doesn't have to be local to you what was your introduction and talk a little bit about what your retreat specifically will look like? And how someone knows if it's for them or not. Okay, first, I've

22:37

never been to a retreat.

22:40

I'm okay, but this is completely and bereaved. No, this is such an important point, though. Because that's exactly what we're talking about. If the women don't have what they want, where they are, they should create it right. Sometimes you have to go first. And that is so important. You don't have to have gone to a retreat, you don't have to have gone to a community to start one. I actually think that's a huge point there because you don't have to have gone you're just going to start it and go. So what made you decide to do that and have the confidence,

23:10

fferent because this was like: 1000

25:37

Yeah, we'll put it in the show notes. I wish I could be there, I will be two weeks postpartum. But they're gonna have another one. So this is like one. And I would love to do another one. Like later in the year, if all goes well. Hopefully, I can make that one, I want to talk a little bit about investing in yourself, because retreats cost money, because they cost money to put on too, right. So the person that toasting them has to pay for things, so they have to charge for it. And I think that this is really hard for people in general, but especially women, especially mothers, because potentially, you already have more expenses than you can navigate in your life, you're trying to figure out where to put things. But we have to prioritize our own emotional, physical, mental well being, yeah, and retreats, conferences, they are an example of one way to do that. And they are really powerful. And you're saying whether it's this big event that you went to the conference for Rachel Hollis or anyone else, where it's this intimate retreat, similar experiences in the sense that they bring something out of you, but different experiences, like you were saying, in the depth of relationships, and the retreats I've been to I agree, the relationships that come out of that those are friends that are just like lifelong friends now that I really, you wouldn't have that otherwise. But you have to make an investment in yourself to be able to do that. How did you get the courage to do that the very first time when you went to that conference? And what would you maybe tell a mom that is let alone struggling with getting her nails done to maybe go and make a different purchase?

27:09

I think the biggest the the purchasing is hard, I'm going to be honest, that was something that I have struggled with for a while like I can't afford it, like I was gonna go to Bali. And I'm like, I can't really afford it, but I just afford it to put a down payment on for a retreat. So I think that what you put in is what you're gonna get. And I think we find a lot of times that we're like, Oh, it's too expensive. And we can't do this. And we can't do that. If you don't make that investment, how are you ever going to know? And how are you ever going to move forward with your goals or your life or your business if you don't invest in that. And so sometimes you just have to take a hit, don't go to Starbucks, maybe don't buy something, don't get your hair done for six months, whatever it might be like, I think we can make sacrifices there. But I don't think it's always money, I think, from what I understand a lot of people are like, Oh, well, I have kids, and that means my husband is gonna have to do this. And it's gonna have to take time off to go to take the kids to school. And there's always those excuses. But you've got to fill your cup, you've got to fill your soul. And sometimes you just have to convince them my husband's so supportive of everything that I do, thank God, but you just have to like, just do it, and rely on your family and your friends and your mommy friends to take the kids to school and to help out to give yourself some time. And I don't know anyone who's never done that and was like, that was a waste of money. Like everyone is always so juiced and empowered, and you meet great people. And so sometimes you just have to take the leap and just do it. What make you sick?

28:35

Yeah. And maybe your ex husband wasn't not supportive, but there was something there that you didn't have the perfect relationship to continue forward with. If someone's like, well, good for you, and my husband wouldn't get it or good for you. Like my husband isn't supportive. What would you tell that person?

28:52

Well, my instinct is to say, leave them. But the comment you didn't do that today. But

29:01

if we want to try something else first,

29:03

I think you have, you also have to, like, it's almost like you have to convince them to like, whatever they're doing, I'm sure that they're investing money in something like a sport or a hobby or the house or their car or their truck or whatever it might be if you have that poll to be like, well, you spend this amount of money or you're gonna go on your your boys retreat or boys weekend, like I should be able to get that too. And I think that a husband should allow their wives to do that, or spouses or whatever, to do that because you're gonna, your wife is going to come back in a way better mood, she's going to be empowered. But it's interesting, because I've heard the opposite, where men are scared that this person is going to come back and they're going to be like this big thing and I'm not going to know what to do. And yeah, I think you just have to follow your gut and have the conversation and I feel like you're in a relationship for a reason and they To be supportive of what you want to do and what your goals are. So just Yeah, open and honest, don't leave them unless it's really bad.

30:06

I think communication, what you're saying. And then the other points that I think you made that are really important is explaining why it's important to you why you want to go and do it? And what's in it for the team or the family. Right? What is the baseline of that? And why you want to do it? And explaining also, yeah, when you say, men do have a fear of is this person gonna go out and want something different? Is this person gonna go want something that I can't provide. And so I think it's helping understand, like, you're not looking for a new life, like you're looking to maybe find something in you, you're working on yourself, you're looking for fulfillment and joy and happiness in a specific way, and showing the results on the other side, right, when your partner that loves you, sees you lit up, they see you excited, they see you pursuing that sewing Facebook group, like it could literally be anything, they're gonna be like, You go honey, go on those comments about that crocheting, I love it, like, they're gonna be so excited for you. And whatever it is. So I think that is really important. Now, your retreat specifically is focusing a lot on confidence. And that's something that you teach directly and indirectly, through the different ways that you support business owners and women. And I want you to talk a little bit, why is confidence important? Like, why do we need to be confident?

31:23

We were talking before this, and I was like, Oh, I don't know how I'm gonna answer that. But I think it's just about the confidence in believing what you want. Because I think we get so in our own head sometimes about life and our goals and those kinds of things. But I think if you can be confident about your decisions, and incompetent about where you want to take your life, I think it just drives everything else. And one thing that you said earlier was about building covenants within your children. And so I have children, I have two girls, two boys. And when I look back at my childhood, if my mom was who I am, like, Jay, would I be so much different back then, like, it took me being 35 to like, really be like, Wow, there's so much more out there. And so I think it's just about building competence. And like owning the life you want, setting the goals that you want. It's not necessarily about oh, I feel good. And my skin and I'm beautiful. And I think so many times, that's what we think competence is like, Oh, I look good. And I think it's just accepting who you are and accepting. You can't change who you are. But you should love who you are, and embrace who you are. And being okay with dreaming big, it's so important to just build competence, my husband sees it, he's like, You've inspired me to be more confident and to be confident in the goals and direction that I want to bring my life. And I think it's also important to instill that with your children, too.

32:48

Yeah. Something you've said though, is we can't change who we are. But we can write, we can change parts of it. And what we do with who we are, maybe is another way to look at it. And I'm thinking just as you're saying you're looking at your vision board, like the point of a vision board is to create your reality, right to create what you want what you vision. So no, you're not changing who you are at the core, you're not changing everything about yourself, but you are giving yourself a map or a direction in which you want to take the version of you are to the next level. Now, I think that sometimes when you haven't seen those things modeled for you, you were even talking about your mom, if your mom had been different, you would have been different, right? It can be hard to like, think these things up out of nowhere. But you get almost this like integral feeling inside of you, where you're like, gosh, I just feel that there should be something different. I don't know if it's the retreat, I don't know if it's a Facebook group or what it should be. How did that start for you? And what are some of the first steps you take when you just know you want different? And maybe you're not sitting there waking up every day hating yourself? So you're not like, oh, I have horrible confidence. But you're just like, I could be better. Right? I could have more of this.

34:00

I think I mean, it does some, I think a lot to help. I never really worked out. I didn't really take care of myself as much as I should. I like drank all the time and partied and I just didn't care. And I think once I started taking time for myself, and investing in myself and my health and working out again. I'm like, it is crazy how to like change your mindset, I think. And so I think that was kind of like the beginning of it. And that, again, getting in the room with people reading those books that are inspiring, watching the people who are worried like where you might see yourself or doing the things that you are like, Oh, this could be cool. Because it just builds this like confidence. Like I can do this too. And I think it was actually the turning point was when I left my ex husband, I felt this whole new I think I was just stuck. And so then I got out of that and I'm like yes, let's do this. And again, just being around those people and seeing people do The things that you want to do that they did it and you can do it too. And so that just builds competence. And then I'm a big dreamer. And I've been I've done pleasure parties, I was a party like consultant I've done I've Dibble dabbled in everything. I'm like, I'm gonna start a jewelry. I've tried all these things, and then you keep trying and trying, and then you're like, Okay, this wasn't for me, until you find that one thing that's for you. And I think this environment that I'm in now with, like my podcasts, and my business, like I have found who I am. But it took some years to get there took we're going through relationships and jobs, and like really navigating that, but I always knew that there was more in it's like, you just have to keep putting your next foot forward until you get to that point where you're like, Yes, this is the money spot right here.

35:42

So good. Don't give up. Just keep don't give up. Just keep going keep moving through it. Now you have been in a blended family for how many years? Eight years, eight years. And so you meant to say you found your groove, but I don't know if that's like the case. But there's definitely like this beginning journey I can assume, of okay, this is new for everyone, we're navigating it. Now we've been in this for a little bit for someone that is in the season, at the beginning, or they're not even there yet, but they want to be they hope to have a blended family one day, and they're like, how would I do that? How would I get started? Can you pour some belief into that person? And then can you give us like one to two tangible things that someone could do to connect with their blended family to say this is how we're going to create a culture of one family in our home. And I think that this could apply to even a non blended family, like just some things that you guys do as a family as a whole to cultivate confidence, love connection in your household? What are some things that work well, but for the person that can't even see themselves there yet, pour some belief into them? First,

36:50

I'm not going to tell you that road is easy, because it's not it's definitely a bumpy road. But when you find that person that just like lights you up and it makes you feel the person who you are, then you're like, Okay, here it is. Here's the money spot. Right. But a blended families, I think when I left my ex, I think the biggest challenge most women are going to face is I don't want to ruin my kids. That's like number one, right? And then myself, what am What am I going to do in my kids? How is this gonna affect my kids? Again, it's not an easy road. But I believe that you want your kids to see you happy. And if you're in a relationship where you're not, then you're only like feeling that for them. And that's not fair for them. And you think back and you hear so many people like, Oh, I am the way I am now, because of all this trauma that had happened back in my childhood. And I'm like, shoot, I don't want to mess them up either. And so I think if you can just lean into that and know that it's going to be okay. And again, it's a bumpy road. But I always tell them you have more love, you have a now another sibling that loves you. And now you have a little brother that you guys absolutely adore. And you have a second room and you get to do whatever you want to get up two Christmases and two birthdays. But I know that it's not easy for everyone. I definitely communication is big. And I think if you can keep a strong relationship with that ex, that is probably the most important thing. I get that all the time. My kids teachers are always like, God, you guys do divorce so well, your blended families, you make it look so easy. And it didn't it took a minute to get there. But we do it for the kids, we have to say civil for the kids, we can go to a soccer game together and be in the same room together because it's for the kids. And at the end of the day you just didn't get that wasn't your person. And I think that's okay. And just being open to the opportunity of growing your family and having more kids and meeting their kids. And I don't know, it's just it's a fun world. But I would say things that we do, definitely my family likes to go like Disneyland and Universal Studios. And when whenever we go on vacation is when we really connect because it's not we're just able to like focus on each other, versus at home in your everyday life.

38:59

Yeah, no, I think that's so good. I think there is so much beauty to it. It does make me think though, for the woman that you were talking about at the beginning, that it's sitting in the relationship feeling unhappy, and you're saying your kids deserve to see you happy that you deserve to feel happy. How do you know when you need to do some work first, or you need to not be in that relationship? Like how do you know, hey, I need to work on me. First, I need to find joy and fulfillment because there's also this saying, like wherever you go there, you'll be type of thing, right? And if you're being treated poorly, we know that right? That's a fact that that's a different situation. If that's maybe not the case, if you're just like I don't know if this is the right person for me forever. I don't feel like I'm my best version of myself. I don't feel like we're the best versions of who we are. I don't think there is a right answer but I'm more curious like your opinion. How do you know when you need to build up like that self confidence first and yourself and focus on you or you need to switch things up?

39:58

I think when you start doing the work is when you know, like I started doing the work, I started reading and I started really like diving into my life and my goals and like what I wanted to do, and then it became very clear. I also think that there's nothing wrong with getting counselors or marriage counseling. Because sometimes we get so stuck in our day to day stuff that having someone from the outside speaking into that dynamic, there's something about it, that kind of changes the vibe, I recommend that or even doing it on your own for some self discovery. There's so many coaches out there now life coaches and empowerment coaches, and I think it's worth the investment to, to have one of those to help you work through some of that. But you should know in your gut, like if if you're deep down inside, and you're like, this isn't what I like. And I constantly say this, you only live once I believe that, and you got to make the best of it. And you don't want to make it. You don't want to live a life where you're miserable. And you don't want to get up and you don't even want to like have dinner with your husband. Like when you get to that point, you're gonna be like, I've gotta go. And then just being like, getting a support system around you, whether that's friends or someone else who's been in that or group counseling or whatnot. I think getting some perspectives from other people to help you see that light is super important. But I just knew deep down inside, that I was like, This isn't right. And I felt very stuck and not happy. And it took me a minute to figure that out. And had I not made that leap. I would not be where I am today. I have no idea what I'd be doing today. But sometimes you just got to take that leap of faith and just know like your gut is telling you something and just follow that.

41:34

Yeah, and I think that is really important like that intuition and listening to your gut. But the thing I want to echo that you said is do the work first, and then it'll become clear, right? Because you can even

41:44

do the work and you might figure it out, go to a marriage counselor, read books, I'm reading a marriage book right now. Because I know that there's things that we can work on, you got to try that first before you just give up. Yeah.

41:56

And you want to work on yourself no matter what, whether it's in that relationship or not. Like you're important. So you need to do that for yourself. I think that's really key. Now, what are some ways that you involve your husband now and what you're doing, because you said earlier, like your spread that you have a lot of moving parts going on. And something that I see for people in our community is they really get excited about what they're doing. And they want their partner to be a part of all of it. But our partner also can't be a part of everything that we're doing. Right. And my husband and I run multiple businesses, and I'm definitely probably guilty of this on the other end, where I'm like, we're doing so much together. But I'm curious, like, how do you keep the balance of the excitement of Hey, babe, here's what I'm doing. And I want you didn't know this piece of it. But like, he's obviously not sitting and having this whole conversation with us. And every part of it. Where's the sharing? Where's the like? SparkNotes? How do you like get excited with each other, but not involved in everything?

42:55

Oh, man, that's a tough balance. That's a tough question. I'm not gonna lie. So I think number one is sharing your goals. Again, I have my vision board, it's literally in our room, we see it every single day. And I think making them aware of what those goals are is always important. And sometimes you don't want to come home and talk about work. But you just want to vent, I have a client. I was just like, today, and he is I'm sorry about, I just want you to listen, that's it, we have a company together. And that's been exciting to get his perspective on it and involving him more and working alongside of how that works.

43:28

I think the takeaway for me and what you said was communicating your goals, right? Because even if we have the days where we just have the one word answer, or we have the word vomit of everything that's going on, if you and your team member, your partner, your life partner, can be on the same team with the goals, if you can come back to this is our vision, this is our goal, then regardless of what the day to day life looks like, in the meantime, then the overall concept is connected, that you're moving towards the same target. And I think that really is a good takeaway, because it's okay if, if I'm coming home and I have one word answers for two months, and one of our goals was communication and sharing the journey together and vision or whatever, then he may be like, Heather went back. This is on our vision board. This is what we're supposed to be doing. You're not talking to me about anything. And now on the other side of it if it's you guys have a business together. And if you come home and everyday you're talking about the business, everything is so in depth, you're never getting a break from that and one of the goals is work life balance or something like that. Then you can step in and be like hey, this isn't really in alignment with what we talked about. So I think for me that is like big takeaways. What are the goals communicate the goals

44:38

and come back to that? Well, one thing I was gonna say too, is having a date night. Oh, yeah, that is what I'm trying to prioritize is like making time for us like whether that's once a month we go to dinner and just to be able to connect and like digress and just be like, Oh, that was a lot but I definitely think at the end of the day, like communication is key. And I was like, Monday through Friday. I'm gonna hustle hard and right now he He just had back surgery. So he's home and I'm like, You're gonna have to pick up on like the home stuff because I'm hustling hard. Because Mom wants to make money. I want to make like a good life for us. And that's like where I'm at right now. And he is so supportive of that. And so I think, again, going back to the goals and knowing that not every time not every year, you're gonna be on the same page, like one. One might be like hustling really hard, and the other ones like, on neutral, and it's different times in their life. And I think just being able to communicate through that is also very important, too. Yeah. What

45:30

season are we in? And like, what's our role in this season? I think that's super important. Now, all the things that we've talked about doing life your way having goals, having confidence, it brings me to this last topic that I really want to break down, which I'm just super curious about, which is your surrogacy journey. And I want to know, how did you get started? Like, how did this thought, first enter your mind where you're like, I think I want to be a surrogate, like, I want to go find out. Because I've heard from people that I've done this, there's really two approaches, there's it pops up into your brain is the first thing and occasionally someone asks you to be one. I've heard that from a couple of people, too. They know someone in their life, someone comes to them and asks them to take that on. I know, that's not your journey. So we won't talk about that today. But the other part of it like where did this first thought bubble up

46:18

with my ex husband, actually. So I had my two children, and I loved being pregnant, talk about confidence. Like when I'm pregnant, I am a whole nother like being it's crazy. And so I had two really good births, two really good pregnancies, and it was at a coworker who had done it. And then I was like, that's cool. And I was always very intrigued, like, anytime I interacted with her, I was very intrigued by what she was doing. And so I started asking her questions. And then one day, I was like, did you do you do like Google, right? And I said to my husband, I'm like, I want to be a surrogate. And he was like, Absolutely not. And he just, like, shut that down. And it never went away. Like it always stuck with me. And I was like, well, we're together. He's not supportive of it. Because your husband has to be on board with it. Yeah. And so he was like, nope. And so whatever, I let it go away. And then when we split, and now with my current husband, and I was like, I want to be a surrogate. And he's like, what he didn't like he knew of it. But he was like, well, you're crazy. And he's Latino, and grew up Catholic. And so he was like, No, I was like, just let me like, listen to me, let's watch some videos, hear me out. And so I did. And he was like, if this is something that you want to do, this is a perfect sample, like, this is something you want to do I support you, is it but the only thing is, is if you have this, if you do this journey, I want one of my own, because at the time, we didn't have one together. And so I was like, Yeah, I can be pregnant two more times. Sure. I hate to say this, because everyone does it for different reasons. Of course, I did it to give to somebody else. And that's obviously like 100%. Number one, I knew I could do it. I love being pregnant. I know there's so many women out there like struggling with it. But also like the financial part of it, like it's not so huge wear and tear on your body, mentally with your family, like all the things and so I was like, well, if I'm going to do this, I want to make sure like I get the most investment out of it. And so I literally was like highest paying surrogacy agency. And so I had a call with them. And they were great. They're down in Southern California. I just fell in love with them. I got to meet the owner and just love what they were doing and how they match families. And when on the journey starting it, it's crazy. You go through, I don't know, like 100 Page survey. They want to know everything. They want to know how your birth went how your life is, what do you do for a job? What are your goals? They want to know everything? Yeah, and yeah, I got matched. My I originally was matched with two men they lived in somewhere in Europe, I can't even remember like, when did the contract when did the transfer did all that the transfer didn't take? They didn't have any embryos? So they decided to not pursue? Continuing and so that was I was super bummed about that. It's like you almost it's just like a miscarriage, right? You're like, Oh, what did I do wrong? And so they were very sweet actually still, like, stay in contact with them. And then I got matched to this amazing woman in Florida. She was a single mom. Never had kids never had a husband couldn't have babies. And she was like, I want a child. And so we instantly connected and she accepted me like right on the call. And it was like one of the best things I ever did.

49:23

This is so cool. Okay, a couple questions. Yeah. So breaking down. I want to know the original. So their original why, like when you went to your ex husband originally, and you're like, Hey, want to do this? Was it primarily financially driven? Or was it because no judgment on my part, if you're listening and you're judging, I'm sorry. I'm just seriously curious. Was it hey, this

49:45

is really cool. I enjoy being pregnant and I could make money off of it, or was it more of this like spiritual guide? I'm not a spiritual person. So it was definitely more like I can do this. This is a way to get income for my family and I love being pregnant, but then also giving a family something and you're connected to that person, like all those y's kind of go out and you're like, I'm doing this for them for you. And once you like, give birth, and you see that baby going or her arms and there's nothing, like there's no words that describe it makes everything worth it. And you're almost like, Okay, I could have done that for free. But it is a lot of wear and tear on your body. And yeah, a lot of emotional like struggle. I think I did. Okay, I felt like I did, okay, but it's not as easy as most people think, which is why you have to go like through a psychological screening and things like that, because there could be somebody that's like, I'm not giving this baby back.

50:35

I feel like it would be really hard actually, in these situations. I'm like, super technical. Maybe I'm super naive and right, but are these with each of these situations? This woman couldn't have a legs and your other potential partner where was two men? So are these your eights or do they have other eggs that are coming in? Okay, they had

50:54

other eggs? Yeah. So my intended mother is what they're called the I FM's intended mother or intended parent or dad, just depends Father, if I think she had to get an egg donor, she had to get a sperm donor and then had to go through surrogacy. So it's very pricey for her to do all of that. But no, not my eggs. And I wouldn't have done it. That's like one thing where I'm like, because I would, I would know, like, my DNA is out there. And so for me, that was like an ad No, so

51:20

interesting. Okay. And I do think that emotionally, physically, there's definitely like, all these different aspects to it. And so obviously, doing this, like personal work that you've done supports you so much in that, but for someone that's interested in this, or maybe something that they can see themselves in that's different, outside of what they tell you to do. And they support you to do What recommendations would you give to mentally physically prepare to do something like that? I've had

51:46

a lot of women reach out to me who are interested in it I've had, I've had women reach out to do to be a surrogate. And I've also had women reach out to maybe get a surrogate, definitely, I would say, talk to somebody who's been through it, agencies are great, they do consultation calls for free, you can go and at least talk to them about it. Again, knowing your Y is super important. And for me, I never bonded with my kids right away. Like after I gave birth, it took a minute for me. And so I knew that once the baby was out, it wasn't like, oh, that's fine, or whatever, it was easy for me. And then the whole process is you see it through, you know, this is not your baby. And so that is helpful. I think it's a thing that's not very much talked about. And I get really freaking mad about these Netflix series that hire talking about surrogates. And they're like, Oh, the husband ends up cheating on the mom with the surrogate, like, it doesn't work that way. And you are giving, they're getting such a bad rap like that. There's been too and I'm like, come on. Wow, it's so yeah. And then I think really understanding like how what relationship you want, before and after is very important, which is why going through an agency is very important, because they match you. And then you talk through all those questions, and they match you with somebody who wants the same thing. Because you have to be crystal clear. Do you want a relationship with this child after? Do you not like having all those conversations up front, you have a lot of those. And they really help guide you through all of that. And they they kind of like a social worker who's like you're a middle person. And I love Michelle. She was like, amazing, but she was that like person in between us to help us guide us through certain things that would come up. And so you're Sarah Casey was pretty recent, and you still have a friendship with the mom. But

53:33

what is the relationship look like going forward? Yeah, she's

53:36

t four. She was born March of: 2020

54:42

very cool. If you were other than knowing your why and some of the advice you gave, what would you just like tell someone that has that on their heart or their interest as like kind of final thoughts.

54:52

I think you should do it at least do the research and talk to someone else. It is probably the most fulfilling thing I've ever done in my life. And I would do it again. There's possibilities of me doing it again, actually. But I wish I was 30. I would do it over and over again. I read a book, this lady did it like eight times, I probably know how many times but I will never forget it. I'm a huge supporter in it. I think that there's so many women every day. Like I have friends, very close friends who have been trying to get pregnant and I'm like, God, I wish I could give them a baby plan. So doing it for those reasons. I think I wish that surrogacy had a better like reputation plan. Yeah, because more people would do it.

55:33

It's interesting that you say that because being on the outside of it, I actually wasn't aware of that it had a bad reputation. So people that I know that talk about it, to your point, speak really highly of it. I don't think it's something that I physically could actually even do let alone mentally. But I think that you know, if you can write if you're the person that you know that you can, and that's part of your journey, or could be your you want it to be, but such a cool opportunity, like you said, and you can give something to someone that we all hear on this podcast know how valuable that is. Right. And I think that is so cool. I absolutely love that. Before we jump into our last final questions, I'd love for you to just tell everyone where they can continue to stay part of your world. They can listen to your podcast and connect with you on social media, what are the best places for them to find you.

56:22

So my podcast is called Live conversations with a twist, you can find it on Spotify. I just heard Google's not doing podcasts anymore. I don't know. I just got to know about it. It was weird. But anyways, Apple, obviously any of the major platforms. And my new business is called the connection Hi, my websites called the connection hive.co Because calm was not available. And then you can follow me on Instagram. I'm definitely active. I'm more active on my personal which is Heather Nelson dot life. That was like my life coaching handle. And I just, that's where I mostly post stuff. But then also you can find me on the connection hive, it's the.connection.hi. You can call me you can text me, you can email me all the things I definitely I'm open to having conversations with anybody about anything and happy to be a support and resource for anybody out there. Amazing.

57:06

Now you've done a lot of things. You have a lot of moving parts coming into this year, your retreat, all of the fun things that you're working on what is a goal that is currently on your heart, something you're really excited about in pursuing being a millionaire? I love it. I actually I want it we need to wrap up here because it's time we're all busy moms. But I want to challenge you on that just a little bit. Because I love when people have a financial goal like that. And there's a couple different ways I like to break it down like one there's millionaire revenue, and then there's like net worth and what's in your bank account. Right? There's so many different ways to think about it. And there's also just like the why behind it, is it to say that you're a millionaire isn't to say like all these. I know, it's not for you. But I for anyone else that's listening. It's like, so I always challenge people this because on paper, I was a millionaire at 28. But that means nothing, right? And so I always come back. And I tell people I'm like and what does that mean to you? Because there's not. There's so many different ways that people can explain that. And I think if you're not there, and you hear that about someone else, you're like, Oh, I aspire for that. And it's like, Well, do you know what's in their bank account? Do you know how they reach that revenue number? Do you know what their expenses are? Their overhead, all these different things? So I'm curious, I know that's not what it means for you. So what does it mean for you? What does the identity of a millionaire woman mean to you? And what is the goal of this year?

58:27

I just think it's funny because everyone's like, oh, I want six figures. I want six figures. I've been at six figures for a very long time. And so I'm like, Okay, well now what's like my next goal, right of getting that. So I'm like a million sounds great. I was listening to podcasts and like, shoot for a million, I might be great. For me, that's obviously like total income at this point. But I just want to have a I want to be able to travel, I want to be able to go on vacation, I want to be able to buy something if I want and not be like, Oh, it's not about the status or having a huge house on a hill somewhere that it's definitely not that it's more about giving back giving my family the life that they want. And they they strive for. But I definitely would love to grow my podcast. I love what I do. I love the women that are on it and sharing that. And then obviously figuring out my business and how I can help other businesses grow. I think at the end of the day, that's very important to me. And yeah, I want to have a cabin. Like I just want those things that like experiences

59:22

and life is fun. Yeah, like I think it comes back to freedom. I feel for almost everyone and especially what I'm hearing you say it's the freedom have the money to spend where you want when you want it, the freedom of time to do the things that you want to do. AI and money can help provide freedom right? But there's so many more things that come to it the freedom of fulfillment, the joy like how you're spending that time. And I think is our final question. That's what I'd love for you to speak to us for coming back to again, finances allow us to create a different version of freedom. So we definitely want more money in the hands of ambitious moms and women to be able to impact themselves in their families. And we tried to help teach different ways to do that here. But the fulfillment piece of it, the confidence, the joy, the all the other things that we talked about, if you could help someone get on the right path to fulfill that freedom within them, and unlock this ability to be free to dream of being a millionaire to dream of creating this life for yourself, what's one thing that they could do today? To get on that path?

:: 00:25

Honestly, think big. Think Big out of, okay, this year, I want to work out or I want to read more, no think big, like big, like, I want to go on I want to take my family on vacation to Italy for a week, or I want to travel the world or what are those goals that you're like, Oh, God, that would be so cool to do. Like the things that are so big and like those big goals that you think you're never going to reach, like, at least even thinking about it. And then even thinking about some like ones that are more attainable, but even just setting goals, there's so many women, they don't even they don't even know they're like, they're just in their day to day, I'm just gonna get I'm gonna cook dinner, I'm gonna do laundry and I'm gonna go to work and I'm going to come home, I'm going to watch Netflix. And that's it. And they're okay with it. And that's I guess that's fine. But I challenge them to set those goals to think big to toe, because then you get Yeah, I can do this. And then it just feels that soul to kind of keep going. Yeah.

:: 01:18

And again, if you're happy, then don't do that. Right? If you're if but if you're craving this freedom, if you're craving this goal, if you're craving this result, then it's doing that and thinking back, Heather, thank you so much. You're such a wealth of inspiration and knowledge and I just love how you pour into the women in your community and support people in all these different aspects. I love your journey. Your story. This was such a good conversation. Thank you so much for being here.

:: 01:43

Yeah, thanks for having me.

:: 01:45

Sometimes the smallest acts of love is all a mom needs to feel reinvigorated. If you can relate to that I feel so supported by your five star rating and written review. Take a moment and let me know what you thought about this episode.

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