Not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your identity, especially when they think they know it better than you do! In episode 606, Maria ponders why people sometimes speak with confidence about lives they don't truly know, the difference between intuition and assumption (and even insecurity), and why knowing who you "belong to" makes it easier to reject misplaced authority. Now is the perfect time to stop receiving outside narratives that were never meant for you to accept.

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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment, nor for legal, financial, or other professional services. Listening to this podcast does not create a professional-client relationship. Always consult a qualified professional regarding your individual circumstances.

Links referenced in this episode:

• https://spiritualhomegirlpodcast.com/episode/ep-603
• https://spiritualhomegirlpodcast.com/episode/ep-604
• https://spiritualhomegirlpodcast.com/episode/ep-605

Hey y'.

All.

You are listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day through wisdom, education and practical, easy to follow tips.

I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl, who's also a mental health professional.

And today we're going to talk about why we have to stop letting people with no depth, no range, no qualifications, no longitude nor latitude qualify or validate us in these human streets.

These human having a spiritual experience at the same time streets.

Now, if you were listening to episode 600, what was that?

603?

603 Was about how community shouldn't cost you.

604 Was about how desperation is a terrible life partner.

In episode 605 is about giving yourself another chance, allowing yourself to grieve and grow grieve not always being a.

A physical human loss.

But tap in with those episodes because we're building on these things, right?

But sometimes we tend to let drawing back on episode 603, the need for community or the need to belong to put us in situations where people think, because they don't know, think that they can qualify us based on their level of understanding or their level of perception.

And we have to stop doing that.

We have to belong to ourselves first before we're able to belong to other people.

And some folks disagree.

And that's why I have my podcast and people may or may not have theirs.

But I am a firm believer of once you belong to you, only then can you truly determine where you belong.

Because no matter what, the common denominator gonna always be you.

So we have to make sure that the common denominator is as healthy and happy as possible.

Maybe not perfect, of course, but as close to 100 as we possibly can be.

Even if that's a 20 day, even if that's a 60 day, whatever it is, we got to make sure we show up for ourselves first and belong to us before we go see seeking things elsewhere.

Right?

And that sometimes needs to belong will put us in situations where we are in front of the wrong people, we are with the wrong click.

We with the wrong group, we with the wrong whatever.

The.

The village ain't villaging, the community ain't communing.

Because again, people are now feeling like they can tell us about us better than us.

And one thing I noticed is that a lot that happens is in spiritual spaces.

And I always ruffle feathers when it comes to this.

And that's why I.

That's why I'm Spiritual Homegirl.

And that's Why I am where I am, but.

And I'll be with who I be with.

I say a lot of things that challenges even to a degree myself, because I'm never above the collective, you know what I mean?

But one thing I've noticed in spiritual spaces is people really think their intuition is like omniscience.

And it's not.

You don't know everything about everybody.

You think you do, but you don't.

And spiritual folks that be so caught up in their own ego and their own journey, they will really get a little piece of knowledge, a little piece of healing, and really try to tell you better about you than you can.

And we have to stop doing that.

We have to stop letting people qualify us.

If you're seeking our service, we ain't talking about that.

That's a little different, but.

And I'm talking about just in person to person spaces, humans have a spiritual experience concurrently.

One is never above the other.

They run it at the same time.

It's literally people that will sit there and look you in your face and tell you who you are and you'll believe it.

And as the home girl who loves you and wants to see you win, why had you looked at them?

Had you looked through them?

Have you looked past them?

And what I mean by that is it ain't always about trying to energy read and things like that, which it could be, but like I said, intuition can also look like insecurity depending on the state you in when you assessing it.

But have you looked at their decision making?

Where are they in life?

And are they even qualified to tell you about you when they can't even tell them about the themselves, when they not where they want to be in life?

Stop letting people.

That's not where they want to be in life tell you about yourself.

People don't know nothing about you.

They got a feeling they might come to you for confirmation.

And even if they confirm it, they still don't know you better than you.

Don't let people stop your greatness.

Don't let people tell you you ain't destined for greatness.

And honestly, if we're gonna keep it even a further thousand, it'd be some of the spiritual ones that be the messiest, nastiest, most disgustingest people running around here hollering about love and light.

Be tragic behind the scenes, lying to everybody.

Miserable as hell.

Yeah, it's a homegirl episode today.

We have to be careful of the people that we come into contact with and who we let speak to us and over us and for us.

And yeah, the spiritual nastiness and rulers can also extend into religious spaces too.

But because I've been in more spiritual spaces than most, at least in my shoot, in my 15 years, really moving around, I've noticed that.

You want to know what made me notice this?

And you might be listening.

It's all love, sis, but it's a valid story.

I'm not gonna put the name out there, but there was a person that I had kicked it with a few times that was an influencer.

And I just remember my first few interactions with them and they had some pretty hot takes that were elitist.

And I was like, you know what?

I understand people get some knowledge and some healing and some social proof or proof of concept of them being able to be successful, whether it is in business, whether it is in personal lives or whatever.

But I pe some of the, some of the takes.

And I knew that this was not.

These were not my people, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I was like, nah, this person, I can't get too close.

And over time I started noticing some of the weirdness that was that I kind of peeped on.

And I was glad that I removed myself because this person, had I stayed around, probably would have been speaking over to me the way they were speaking to and to the people that they was with.

It gave very much like boss, click leader of a crew energy.

And if you know anything about me, I don't do well with those.

I never did well with those.

Especially no one since high school never did well with one person, just kind of runs everything and everybody follows this one person.

So personality wise, it was never gonna go anyway.

But with my energy and things like that, it definitely wasn't gonna work because I don't get dictated to by other humans in personal spaces.

If you at work and and you got to delegate something to me in a professional setting, then obviously we have to do that.

But as a woman, as a grown person who's navigated my own life, as a mother, as a wife, whoever, even before those titles I had, you still wasn't going to dictate to me.

You just wasn't.

And you weren't going to feel comfortable thinking you could, and you're not going to feel comfortable thinking you could talk to me any kind of way and I'm just going to be cool with it.

I'm sweet till I'm not.

A lot of times we want to belong to people and we let people be disrespectful on the slick or disrespectful right in front of our faces.

And we have to stop doing that.

Everybody's not gifted like that to speak over you like that or tell you who you are.

Knowing who we are is so important.

And when we don't, like I said, because we don't belong to ourselves, we will end up letting other people define our entire trajectory because we've been subconsciously programmed, receiving all kinds of BS from people who should be nowhere near us, talking to us, for us and about us.

Do what you have to do.

If you have to pray some psalms to reveal who it is and get rid of them, whatever.

If you got a ward, your name, whatever, do what you got to do.

Burn your candles, talk to ancestor, pray to God, whatever, you know, bring it to Allah, do some, some Buddhist chance, whatever it is that you practice, do what you have to do to keep yourself protected.

As granny and them will always say, stay prayed up.

It's the same concept in different ways for the same reasons.

Like I say always, just because we are humans, it does not always mean that we are automatic compatible.

We're all connected through our life experience.

We all got to go through this.

We all got to be born, we all got to live life, we all got to die.

It is what it is.

But in terms of the connectivity part of it, you're okay.

That's a common shared experience.

Whether we all going to be meeting up with each other and hanging out and loving on each other doing it.

No, that's not realistic.

And the sooner we get cool about that, the better off we'll be the person you think you want to be cool with because they got a blue check and a million some followers or a bunch of followers like, like I said, because I've been in the spaces I've been in and I've kept it real cute and don't air nobody out on here.

You be surprised.

Everybody not solid, even the ones where you know.

Matter of fact, it was somebody I met that sometimes people come at you with weird parasocial relationships and people will start to exalt you like you just some super duper whatever.

But that gets weird too, because that doesn't allow you to be human.

It's just a lot of stuff you just got to be aware of and you got to be okay with protecting.

And for people that are not okay with confrontation, that might include being a little confrontational, not fighting, but being able to be more direct and assertive about where you stand and what you stand for.

This is not the time frame for us to be super passive or to be spiritual bypassing.

I see it a lot.

Oh, I'm above that.

No, you're not.

You talking about it.

You already, like, you addressed it, even indirectly.

You not above it.

And it's okay to be above a lot of things, actually.

And it's okay to not answer everything that calls your name, too.

So let's be clear on that.

But what I mean by spiritual bypassing is just acting like certain things don't exist because you just don't have the capacity to deal with it.

And what I mean by that is not subjecting yourself to trauma and things like that, but it's also just being fearful of people and not standing up for yourself and how that may make you look, even though if it makes you feel like trash on the back end, it's sacrificing your ability to have joy and have happiness and be okay with yourself because you don't want to rock the boat with someone that's going to keep probably pressing and trying you until you let them know.

That's not okay.

Be okay with standing up for yourself.

Be okay with telling somebody today, face, I don't receive that, baby.

You better believe it.

I didn't.

I didn't realize how much.

And I'm gonna say this publicly because I've said it privately, but I definitely want to say this publicly.

I didn't realize how many people say dumb things to pregnant folks until I got pregnant and I had to sit with myself and say, do it.

Did I ever say anything dumb?

And by the way, if anybody's out there is listening and I say anything dumb to you while you were pregnant, I am so sorry, because I did not any better.

Please forgive me.

Please charge it to my head and not my heart, because you never realize.

Like, I think I saw something on Threads too, where somebody went through a loss with their child and someone said, oh, I could not imagine.

I can't imagine that happening to me.

It ain't about you.

Who said.

Who said anything about you?

I can't imagine that y' all think that's helpful.

It's not.

It's not about you.

Way to center yourself in somebody else's pain.

That's crazy.

But we tend to do that.

We don't.

We don't.

We have a need these days.

And again, like I said, we.

Because I'm never above what I say.

We always have a need to speak before pausing or realizing what exactly we're responding to or realizing that it's about somebody else.

Like it's okay.

It's just, I don't know, like, it's okay to.

To hold space with somebody and say, hey, I empathize with you.

I'm sorry you're going through that instead of, I couldn't imagine.

I. Oh, my gosh, I guess I'll hug my children tighter.

It's just like, that's just so weir to me.

So normalize telling people, I don't receive that.

No, thank you.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but what you going to do?

Just keep taking it?

Keep letting stuff just seep into the.

The.

The energy that you have subconsciously?

Or do you just outright tell them, like, okay, but nah, like, no, you can keep that.

It's cool.

There's a lot of things that people just feel so familiar and so comfortable speaking to you.

We have to start normalizing.

You don't get to just speak over me.

Especially for those who have kids or have families or.

When I say family, I'm not just meeting just children.

I mean, like, you know, even family members.

Like, you can normalize telling people, I don't receive that.

I'm cool on it.

I hear you.

But no, like, okay, but no, okay.

I don't receive that.

No, I don't.

I don't allow people to say things to me that way.

It's okay to start saying that.

And if you need some guidance or some communication, practice, practice with somebody that you actually trust and get comfortable saying it.

Because the more we get on this experience, the more you're going to potentially find yourselves misaligned with people that you're going to have to realize that you're misaligned with and start making moves, whether it's just creating distance or verbally creating distance and physically creating distance or whatever you feel you have to do to do so.

But that's what I wanted to put on you.

All spirit today.

Don't forget to tap into those episodes since Mama Maria's been back.

Episode 603, about how community should not cost you, meaning your dignity and self respect, which was somewhat based on this episode too.

And then we have episode 604, which is about desperation, being a terrible life partner, and how that can lead us to situations that we might end up grieving or regretting.

And then episode 605 is about giving yourself another chance and allowing yourself to not just grieve, but grow as well.

Sometimes we get stuck and we just stay stuck.

You don't have to stay stuck.

So that's what 605 is about.

Don't forget to tap in with Your girl, Spiritual Home Girl.

Everywhere we are excitedly, quietly, but excitedly preparing for 10 years on these podcast streets and these podcast airwaves.

We are currently very close to that.

So I'm excited to just kind of, not even kind of just move Spiritual Home Girl in a different direction, because Spiritual Home Girl literally just started as a podcast.

It was legit, like a fun hobby, and now it's morphed into something exponentially greater than that.

And I'm really proud that my blood, sweat, tears, energy and blessings have really put me here.

Like, it's been.

It's been an interesting ride and I'm really grateful for that.

Like, y' all have grown with me, especially my day ones.

Like, y' all have been around for everything and I thank y'.

All.

And speaking of thinking, y', all, y' all know I can't do any podcast episode without thanking you all for listening.

So thank you for listening, boo friends.

So with that being said, don't forget to click the second link in my show notes to join my email list and I'll catch you on the next one.

This has been another episode of the Spiritual Home Girl podcast.

My name is Maria, your spiritual home girl.

And remember, boo friends, trust the journey, trust yourself, and whatever you do, do it with love, okay?

Love y'.

All.

Peace.