HER EMPOWERED DIVORCE

HOST: Beverly Price, Divorce & Empowerment Coach

GUEST: Lisa Dahl, Certified Intuitive Eating and Wellness Coach

SUMMARY:

Life is messy, magical and full of gifts – if we are in a place to receive them! That’s why Lisa Dahl, a certified Intuitive Eating and Wellness Coach, makes it her business to ensure clients have what they need to navigate life’s big transitions. As she explains to Host Beverly Price on this episode of Her Empowered Divorce, there are holistic systems that we can put in place to secure our children’s wellbeing as well as our financial stability and overall health through even the most challenging of divorce scenarios. You’ll find out how to cultivate hope through awareness and solid planning, tapping the right resources and talking with people in a position to provide necessary support. Think of it not as “self-care” but “self-preservation.” Divorce can be frightening and anxiety-provoking but, says Lisa, it needn’t be isolating. There are ways to find social nourishment and stay connected with our dreams by using tools like the Health & Wellness Vision Plan detailed in this episode. “When you have an intrinsic motivation and you feel it from the inside-out – that’s when change happens,” says Lisa, whose coaching helps women develop the clear, positive mindset and action plan they need to move through divorce towards the promise of a new – and happy – life beyond. As Beverly concludes: “Divorce can be a springboard to a happy and fulfilling life.” It’s just a matter of bringing the right help on board to get you there!

Lisa Dahl shares her message regularly on her YouTube program, "Getting Healthy Without Rules" and she also offers free “office hours” and lots of nourishing resources at this link.

If you’d like to schedule a complimentary private consultation, reach out to Beverly at this link. You can also join her Empowered Divorce Women’s Meetup Group here.

Want to hear more? Please visit this link to access the entire archive of Her Empowered Divorce episodes and while you’re there, please subscribe, rate and review our show!

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

·      Nobody Wins: The goal when negotiating divorce is to get to the other side whole and intact. The question to ask is: What is the price of peace?

·      Power of Self-Care: Call it self-preservation, because that’s what it is! When we nurture ourselves, we are investing in our most precious asset and protecting those we love.

·      Strategic Advice: Why it’s important to know which professionals you’re talking to and the purpose behind – and goals for – those (often expensive) conversations.

·      The Big Picture: Remember that there’s nothing indulgent about putting in place a team that protects not only your finances and children but your own mental and emotional wellness (so you’re empowered and able to manage into the future).

·      About Lisa’s Wellness Coaching Superpowers, including help to:

o  Carve out space for self-care.

o  Call out and redirect negative self-talk.

o  Recognize achievements and things worth celebrating.

o  Create moments that spark hope.

·      What Your Health & Wellness Vision Plan is all about:

o  Not only divorced people but ALL people need one!

o  Summarizes goals, hopes, dreams, visions.

o  Assesses past challenges.

o  Highlights coping skills and tools learned along the way.

o  Codifies a vision with a (short-, medium- and long-term) timeline.  

o  Removes barriers to executing on plans moving forward.

·      Social Nourishment: How our health and wellness are tied to community connections – which can take many forms and guard against loneliness, isolation and food issues.

·      Actions & Behaviors: Why it’s important to shift away from big-picture outcomes (which can be overwhelming) to focus instead on motivational thoughts and incremental steps.

·      Three Actionable Tips:

o  #1: Find joy!

o  #2: Notice recurring negative thoughts and write down positive ones instead.

o  #3: Refrain from saying anything disparaging about your partner

·      Parting Thought: Life can be chaotic but there is magic inside of the mess. It’s just a matter of finding resources to help you find the promise and hope!

NOTABLE QUOTES:

·      “(Divorcing) was one of the most frightening times in my life and it was before the resources that are available now. The support wasn’t there.” (Lisa)

·      “Women have been taught for generations to take care of everyone else and not themselves. And to invest in everyone else and not themselves.” (Beverly)

·      “Some people think self-care equates to being lazy, but I think it can be one of the most active processes you take … It’s not just a nice to do. It’s a must do!” (Beverly)

·      “Social isolation and a lack of social nourishment are important risks for women. No matter what stage you are at ... there’s a space and place for everybody.” (Lisa)

·      “When you have an intrinsic motivation and you feel it from the inside-out – that’s when change happens.” (Lisa)

·      “The best gift you can give your child is for him or her to discover who you are as individuals and keep your (marital) baggage locked up.” (Lisa)

·      “As hard as it was – and I considered it financial suicide – (divorce) was the best decision I ever made for me and my children. They got to see the best of their dad versus the demise of our marriage.” (Lisa)

FURTHER RESOURCES/RELEVANT LINKS:

·      "Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted," by Kristi Nelson.

·      Beverly’s personal Facebook page can be found here.

·      Women’s Divorce and Empowerment group discussion available here.

ABOUT OUR GUEST:

Lisa Dahl is a certified Health and Wellness Coach specializing in Intuitive Eating, Mindful Eating and Body Image. Her emphasis on mindfulness and self-compassion helps women find a successful pathway to whole-body wellness. With compassion and expertise, she supports her clients as they discover “Body Peace & Food Freedom” on their journey to break free from dieting and diet culture. Her clients achieve a higher level of well-being through visioning, goal setting and accountability. Lisa has certifications in Intuitive Eating, Mindful Eating, health and wellness coaching and personal training. She is a skilled group facilitator with credentials from The Body Positive and Gratefulness.org and is presently preparing for the National Board Certification for Health and Wellness Coaches.

FOLLOW OUR GUEST:

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM |FACEBOOK | LINKEDIN | EMAIL | YOUTUBE

ABOUT YOUR HOST:

Beverly Price is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®️and Women’s empowerment coach with over 25 years of experience. Her passion lies in supporting women through every aspect of separation and divorce. She offers a comprehensive coaching experience that goes beyond just empowerment work to help clients develop their communication, conflict management, boundary setting and negotiation skills. Beverly also provides expertise on the technical, legal, and financial aspects of the divorce process. Women will learn how to evaluate whether they want to stay or go in their marriage and how to make the best possible decisions for themselves and their families. With a holistic approach that combines goal-oriented strategies with emotional support, Beverly’s coaching helps clients build a positive and fulfilling future for themselves and their families during and after divorce.

CONTACT YOUR HOST:

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | SPOTIFY | YOUTUBE | LINKEDIN | EMAIL

 A Warm Shoutout To Our Amazing Sponsor:

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Beverly Price: Hi, beautiful. I'm so glad you're here with me today and I am so excited about our episode. I have another fabulous guest to share with you, her story and her advice to help you in your divorce journey. Whether you are soon to be separated, separated, divorcing, or already divorced, this podcast was created especially for you. My guest today is Lisa Dahl of Lisa Dahl Wellness. She is an intuitive eating and body image health coach. I hear from so many women that they are insecure before and after divorce because of their bodies or they've become so stress that they become sick. And since this podcast is about helping women through the divorce process, I can't think of a better topic. Lisa is going to talk with me today about health and that it's more than just food and exercise. We can dig into the aspects of health and how they are all interconnected to our wellbeing.

Chronic stress of divorce, which we all experience can cause difficulty sleeping, change and sex drive, elevated blood pressure, increase risk of developing viruses, change in appetite, chest pain, or upset stomach. Boy, that sounds awful. So Lisa's going to talk to us about the relationship to food in body intuitive and mindful eating. Hi, Lisa. Thank you so much for being my guest today. It's so good to have you here.

Lisa Dahl: Thank you for having me. And it's such an important topic and it's one that I understand from a personal and professional experience.

Beverly Price: Well, tell us a little bit about your personal experience.

Lisa Dahl: I have been divorced. My divorce is probably officially divorced for 12 years. Took me four years to get through the process of divorce, and it had to be one of the most frightening times in my life. And it was really before the resources that are available to people now that the support wasn't there. You would commiserate based on bashing and complaining about what was happening versus the shift in mindset and how to get through the divorce process feeling whole that when you understand and that nobody wins. Divorce is not win-win game. And through one of the communities that I participated in as a professional, one of the best sayings that I ever heard was, what is the price of peace?

Beverly Price: I like that.

Lisa Dahl: And the example that this attorney would say, how much are you going to pay me to get that $400 a month payment covered? Because in the end, I'm going to cost a whole lot more than what you're going to get. So I kind of strayed from the question. The point being is that my experience was about self-preservation and self-care was just a horrifying word, like how dare I take care of myself? I needed to survive. And when I put it as self-preservation, it was easier for me to take actions that were self-nurturing. Today, I have transitioned from my former career of a caterer into health and wellness. So I have a very different perspective on…

Beverly Price: I would say so, yeah.

Lisa Dahl: Yeah, it's a very different perspective. And learning how to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves where we all here it, doesn't mean that we can take action on it. We are so focused on investing on the tangible things that we can see. We have to take care of the lawyer; we have to take care of our finances. We have to perhaps sell a house. Those are all things that are non-negotiable, are self-care.

Beverly Price: Are you in the middle of or struggling with life after divorce? Do you ever find yourself feeling angry, overwhelmed, lonely, or sad? It's completely normal to experience a range of emotions. But here's the good news. You are not alone in helping is available. Hi, I'm Beverly Price, host of the Her Empowered Divorce podcast. As a certified divorce and empowerment coach with over 25 years of experience, I help women navigate divorce, feel supported, and build more fulfilling life afterwards. Every week, I feature industry leading guests who share their expertise and provide practical tips. I offer valuable insights and empowering strategies that will help you regain your confidence and create the life you deserve, just like I did in my divorce. I also address the rollercoaster of emotions that often accompany this journey. So join me every Monday as we release a new episode of the Her Empowered Divorce Podcast.

Tune in for the help you need to make informed decisions, find the right support, and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead. Subscribe today and never miss an episode. I think there's another part to that, and that is women have been taught for generations to take care of everyone else and not themselves, and to invest in everyone else and not themselves. And I think that's compounded what you're saying.

Lisa Dahl: 100%. That is absolutely part of where I was going. And we don't give ourselves permission in to take care of ourselves. If we have children, we will make sure that they have a parent coach. We will make sure that they have all the mental health services that they could possibly need. What we are missing is that we are driving that train that we need to invest in ourself. And when we take that time to take those actions, we actually save so much in the long run, financially, mentally and physically.

Beverly Price: And it's a better experience for the children too.

Lisa Dahl: It's a better experience for everybody. Your attorneys, they're happy to listen to you all day long. They're very good listeners. It's important to understand who are you talking to, what are you getting, and to learn to use the professionals for what they are for so you can pay an attorney typically somewhere between… depending on where you are in the country, and I'm just throwing out numbers, $350 and up where it's hard for you to wrap your head around to pay a health and wellbeing coach $150 an hour. There's actually a win in there for finances and your mental health. And so it's looking at the big picture. It is not just about dollars and cents. It's understanding where things are allocated. Just like when you go through a divorce settlement, you don't want to split everything, he can have that, you can take this. You need to think about the value of all the different assets in the different things that you were splitting. Because if somebody gets the house and you get the car, that's not…. they might be in the same value, but that's not the same long-term value.

So you need to really think about your self-care and putting yourself first so that you have the ability to make the best choice with a level head on what your future is going to look like.

Beverly Price: I think to that, some people think self-care equates to being lazy and yet I think can be one of the most active processes you take. And I just think there's a lot of I don't know if it’s stigma around self-care. And I want us to break that stigma and realize that it's not just a nice to do. It's a must to do.

Lisa Dahl: We're talking about judgment. We have a lot of opinions. We have a lot of judgment. If somebody says, well, I need to rest, somebody will think like up, like, are you kidding me? What is that going to do for you? It's going to buy you your future.

Beverly Price: Yes.

Lisa Dahl: And when we take time for ourselves… how many times you hear when you're working with women? I can't sleep. I'm up in the middle of the night. My heart is racing. I have horrible dreams. The stress is palpable. What they don't understand and is that it's not what happens at two in the morning. It's understanding what is going on at two in the afternoon. Having time to process to talk about what is going on. And there's a difference between talking to your best friend and a trained professional. You want to careful not to burn out those relationships that you need. You want to leave the heavy junk--like the deep, the dark, the dirty stuff for your therapist, for your divorce coach, for your health well-being coach, because your friends are really good about cheering you on and helping you feel like you are empowered, and they're afraid to shift the train off the track.

Beverly Price: And they may not have the expertise either.

Lisa Dahl: They don't have the expertise. Exactly. And it's much easier to be somebody's cheerleader without calling attention or helping them notice that negativity or that downward spiral that they're going into. And when that negative talk starts to go in in terms of friendship, you can go down that deep, dark rabbit hole. When you're talking with a professional, we know how to hold that space and also highlight the things that are going on, helping you to recognize what you have already achieved. We help you find that one bright spot that may have happened yesterday to remind you that not every day is that deep, dark black hole, that there are moments and we need to find those moments so that we can create more of those moments, Find the things that give you that glimmer of hope. Because when we have hope, that changes everything.

Beverly Price: Beautiful. So what is a health and wellness vision plan and why does a divorced person need one?

Lisa Dahl: So super question. And not only does a divorced person need one, everyone needs one. So a vision plan helps you. I call it part of my three step process is that when you are working with me in particular because I can only talk from my experience is that we spend a lot of time talking about your strengths, touching on your challenges, touching on your goals, your dreams, your hopes, your visions, where you want your best future self to be, talking about when you have gone through other challenging experiences, what were you able to use to get you through that challenging experience so that we can have those tools that you have already built into you to remind you that you have the self-efficacy to get through this. So we create a lot of awareness and then we create that future. What does that best future self-look like, whether it's a year or two years? And we put it in that present time. So if you're going through the divorce, your vision may say, I am settled in my new home, my kids are happy, they're going to school.

They're seeing their dad on a regular basis and we have harmony. Then we break that down and we say, okay, what is the three-month goal? What is the weekly goal? What do we have to do today to make that vision happen so that we don't get lost in the overwhelm of well, that picture is really nice and pretty, but where do I start? Well, that's where we come in together in that. Where do you want to start? What do you have the capacity to do today? What is important right now that you say, you know what? Oh, I can do that. And if we find that on a scale of 1 to 10 that you're kind of… you're like, oh, it's a six, we take that time, we feel that we get that. Why don't you choose a four? Let's go through that conversation so that we can understand where your strengths are so that we can remove those barriers and turn that six into an eight where you can come back next week and say, okay, you know what? Here's what worked really well on Tuesday and Thursday building that self-efficacy. Maybe it didn't happen on Friday. We can focus on what worked well so that we could bring it into the challenge of what happened Friday so that we can turn that into a gift in an opportunity that you didn't fail. There is no failure in your healing process.

Beverly Price: Gotcha. So I know that one of the things that my clients come to me and talk about is how lonely and isolated they feel with divorce. And you talk about social nourishment and what is social nourishment and then how does it affect one's relationship with food?

Lisa Dahl: Social nourishment has become one of the things that I talk a lot about. And it impacts our health and wellness no matter how old you are. And we're talking about connection, we're talking about support, understanding if you're an introvert, an extrovert, and ambivalent. If you are an extrovert near socially isolated, you are alone, your energy is being sucked, you feel horrible. When you go out, even if it's just with a friend, one friend. All you need is one person. You don't need a big, huge community. You might just need one person who is going to go out to lunch, go out for a walk. If you have no money during divorce, I mean, we have all been there. I have been there. Go for a walk. There's plenty of things that you can do without having to spend money. It is about noticing if you are lonely, if you are isolated, creating that awareness, what is it that you can do? I have one client who lives alone and divorced, super lonely, challenging relationship with her food, and she belongs to a monthly book club and there's a bunch of women in there. And her goal one month was to find one person in that book club because they already had a commonality to ask that person to go out for lunch.

Beverly Price: Oh, great.

Lisa Dahl: And what we ended up talking about was how her relationship with food shifted for the rest of the day. We're not talking quick fixes here. We can't undo long term patterns in one experience. It is noticing that, oh, my mood was better, I was lifted. I didn't come home and eat a sleeve of cookies. I had an enjoyable experience. I felt connected. Social isolation. Lack of social nourishment is such a huge factor. Think about when we talk about the elderly. Oh, she died of loneliness. That's a real thing.

Beverly Price: Absolutely.

Lisa Dahl: And it's not just for the elderly. Look at your children, how sad you might feel if they don't have friends and whatever the reason is that they are alone. Keeping social nourishment is just as important for women, no matter what stage in life they are at. When you kind of say maybe you are socially awkward, there's a lot of socially awkward people out there. How do you find your community of socially awkward women so that you feel like you belong someplace? There is a space in place for everybody. I have one client that I work with who we meet. I make the flexibility for her because she is alone. She has chronic pain. Her life is really impacted and sometimes we just get on a ten 15-minute call so that she has social connection. It is that powerful.

Beverly Price: It is. So you talk a lot about actions and behaviors. Why is it important to focus on those two things?

Lisa Dahl: The best example that I can give you is specifically with women. And women will say, I want to lose X number of pounds and they will do all the things. They will start exercising, they start restricting their food. They dig in deep and then they start to feel good and then they break their diet, and then they throw in the towel because they haven't met that destination. When we take that destination off of the table of an outcome goal, we switch it to a behavioral goal. How do you feel when you walk one day a week, two days a week, go outside? Whatever that action is, we want to focus on that intrinsic motivation, on how you are feeling, not that destination, because that destination may or may not happen. The best thing that we can do is control our actions and behaviors. So that is always my focus is about what are you doing? How does it make you feel? What are your motivators going back to that vision plan? What motivates you? When you have an intrinsic motivation, when you feel it from the inside out, that's when change happens.

Beverly Price: Gotcha. So I ask all of my guests to bring three actionable steps that a woman can take to improve her divorce journey. What are your actionable steps?

Lisa Dahl: Find joy, even if it is waking up and looking at the sun. Notice your thoughts because we often have the same reoccurring negative thoughts for every negative thought that you have. Write down several positive thoughts.

Beverly Price: Excellent.

Lisa Dahl: So that you have them that they become part of your self-care toolbox. And if you have children, the most important thing that I am begging you to do is not say one disparaging word about your partner or your spouse. The best gift that you can give your child is for him or her to discover who you are as individuals and to keep your baggage locked up. It just means the world to me to keep our children safe.

Beverly Price: When I was going through a divorce, a therapist said to me that a child gets a piece of their identity from both parents. And so if you are always putting that other parent down, then that is telling the child that that part of them isn't worthy, isn't good? Those kinds of things. And so I think what you're saying is so important.

Lisa Dahl: It is. One of the things that I know I did really well through my divorce and my kids were 16 and 11 when I started my divorce. And my kids are now 31 and 26. And the best gift that they have is that they know who their dad is. They see the good, the bad and the ugly. They didn't need me to tell them. And just like I'm sure they see my good, bad and ugly, they didn't need him to tell that either. And we really tried hard. I can't say we did it 100%. Nobody is perfect. But my mother would walk in the room and she'd be like, blah, blah, blah. Like, zip it. It's not okay. We can have that conversation after. 100% not in front of my children.

Beverly Price: Right. Excellent. So, Lisa, this has been so incredible. How can the listeners find you?

Lisa Dahl: They can find me on my website at Lisa Dahl Wellness. They can look for my TV show Getting healthy Without Rules. That's uploaded to my YouTube channel and Instagram and Facebook. And sometimes I'm more there than others. So the best place is really to go to my website. I offer free office hours, free curated conversations to talk about health and wellness. No matter where you are in your life. Divorce, not divorce. Thinking about it, pre-post after. Everyone is welcome because we all have a commonality in wanting to be healthy, feel good, and feel empowered about ourselves.

Beverly Price: Oh, that's fantastic. Is there anything you'd like to share that I forgot to ask about?

Lisa Dahl: It is one of the quotes that I use from a book called Wake Up Grateful, and it is a wonderful book by Kristy Nelson is that… I'm going to probably mess up my quote now that I have time and time again is that “life is messy and magical and it is filled with gifts and opportunities.” And as long as you have hope, there's someplace that you're going to go.

Beverly Price: Yeah. Yeah. I like to say that divorce can be a springboard to a happy and fulfilling life.

Lisa Dahl: It was the best choice that I ever made for me. And as hard as it was and I considered it financial suicide, it was the best choice that I ever made for me and my children. And they got to see the best of their dad versus the demise of our marriage.

Beverly Price: Beautiful. Lisa, thank you so much for being my guest today. This was so informative. I know that everybody's going to love it.

Lisa Dahl: Well, thank you for having me. I appreciate it. I'm excited to hear the episode.

Beverly Price: Yeah. Well, all of Lisa's information will be available in the show notes along with mine. And you can find them at herempowereddivorce.com on the podcast page or wherever you listen to podcasts. Thank you for being with Lisa and me on this episode of Her Empowered Divorce. If you'd like one on one support for your divorce process, you can sign up for a consultation with me at herempowereddivorce.com. Join me for our next episode where we will be diving deeper into what other professionals can share to help you on your separation and divorce journey. Remember, you can find more of our episodes and please like share and subscribe. Hope you have a good day. Thank you and take care.

Thank you for listening to the Her Empowered Divorce podcast. Remember, divorce doesn't have to be a death sentence. With the right support and guidance, you can move through the process with knowledge, skills and confidence, and it can also be a time of growth and empowerment. A divorce and empowerment coach is an invaluable member of your divorce team. I help you understand and navigate the process. Come to terms with your emotions, avoid costly mistakes, find your true voice and create an empowered life post-divorce. If you're interested in learning more, schedule a free consultation at herempowereddivorce.com and be sure to check out my other episodes of her Empowered Divorce podcast and resources on my website or wherever you listen to podcasts. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. This will help me reach out to more women in the same space so you are not so alone. I appreciate your support. Until next time, take care and stay empowered.