7. Improving Communication Using the Enneagram

Michelle: 00:00:01

Hello, and welcome to Upleveling Work, a podcast about the strategies

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and solutions that real people are using

for improving their work life so they

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can make a bigger impact and find more

connection and fulfillment along the way.

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I'm your host, Michelle K.

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Anderson, and I'm an executive

coach and the creator of the

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Conscious Leadership Framework.

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I'm on a mission to increase the

diversity of leadership at organizations.

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And the work that I do as a coach is all

about empowering women and minorities to

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become leaders who gracefully navigate

complex work environments with confidence.

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Join me here each week to learn

how to create high performing teams

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without working more or burning out.

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Welcome to episode number six.

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Part two of how I use the

Enneagram to help teams.

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I'm Michelle Kay Anderson, and I'm excited

to bring you this two part series on

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the four ways that I use the Enneagram

to help improve performance at work.

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If you're struggling to create a

foundation of trust, established

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psychological safety, or to communicate

effectively, this episode is for you.

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If you are wondering how to take

the Enneagram teaching deeper to

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improve workplace dynamics, or if

you're curious about the work that

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I do with teams, keep listening.

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In the previous episode, we discussed

both cultivating your unique

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leadership style and identifying

the strengths and weaknesses of your

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team style and the risks that this

creates for the project execution.

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And this episode, we're going to

continue to explore in detail how I

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use the Enneagram to both help build

relationships and improve communication.

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You're gonna wanna pull up the

show notes for this episode

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so that you can follow along.

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Check out uplevelingwork.com/6 to

see the specific patterns that

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I discuss and to learn more.

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Let's pick up where we left off...

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The third way that I use the

Enneagram to help teams increase their

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potential is to build relationships.

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And what I found is that you can

reduce conflict by increasing the

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understanding that we have of each other.

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There are four specific patterns that

the Enneagram can measure on your

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team to help you identify friction

or inefficiencies that are there.

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One of the patterns that are

identified in your team report are

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the centers of expression, which are

like preferences in how you express

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yourself or you relate to the world.

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In the Action Center, you're

more focused on tasks.

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So, like, the teams who rely on the

Task Center or Action Center the most

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are asking questions like, what's

the goal and how can we get started?

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They tend to get it done,

jump in, and focus on results.

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The thinking center on a team is

associated more with process or how.

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When you're operating from this center

more, you're asking questions like,

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what's the best way to approach this?

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You analyze, you think it through, and

you tend to stay a little more calm.

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And the feeling center is more

focused on people or relationships.

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When you rely on this center,

you're asking questions like how do

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people feel about what's happening?

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You check in more, you listen really

well, and you take care of each other.

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And whether you over rely or under use

one of those centers of expression can

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also create certain patterns you can

get fixated in, ways that you might over

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rely on data or jump into action before

you've really gathered enough data, etc.

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The second pattern we can look at with

the data is the instinctual preferences

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that are present on your team.

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We all have three basic instinctual drives

that are essential for human experience.

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Think of these as primal,

body based forces that are

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necessary for our survival.

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They're separate from personality and

are behind a lot of our life strategies.

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They're often unconscious and

running in the background, yet

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they are powerfully directing a

fundamental way of being in the world.

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One of these three tends to be more

dominant and is more easily accessed and

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thus more easily used than the others.

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Some people have two that are very

close, but one is always more sleepy, and

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depending on which instinctual preference

is the most sleepy on your team, that

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can color how you show up in the world,

and what makes you feel safe, and what

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some of your preferences are around work.

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The three instinctual preferences are

self preservation, which is concerned with

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safety, finding a stable structure, having

enough resources, and feeling comfortable.

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Then you've got the social

instinctual preference.

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Which is more about healthy relationship

dynamics, belonging to the group,

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maybe my relationship to the group

or my position within the group.

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These folks are more focused

on group norms and rules and

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creating a shared purpose.

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And the last instinctual preference

is called one to one or sometimes

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called the sexual instinct.

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This is less about sex, per

se, and more about the intimacy

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and, um, relationship dynamics.

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Like, these folks are more

focused on creating really strong

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relationships and feeling connected

and aligned with other people.

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They prefer intense experiences and

are thinking about impact and legacy.

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The next pattern we have are

social interaction styles.

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Okay?

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These three styles tend to

answer the question, how do we go

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about trying to meet our needs?

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How are we naturally

trying to get what we want?

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And the team interaction style is

indicating your typical stance or

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approach to engaging with the world.

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And it also can give you clues to like

where your team gets energized or how you

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might show up in everyday circumstances.

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This gets reported as a stack of

your highest, mid, and then lowest.

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So the three social interaction styles

are assertive, compliant, and withdrawn.

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Assertive folks tend to move against

the world in an independent and

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energetic way, going out of their

way to get what they want and need.

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They find challenges energizing

and they like to get to the

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point and get things done.

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Their response to resistance

is often to push harder rather

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than to slow down or reflect.

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Enneagram types 8, 3, and 7 are

the assertive social styles.

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Then you have the compliant social style.

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People with this style move towards

the world, going along with established

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norms, rules, and ways of doing things.

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They are dutiful and cooperative in their

efforts to get what they want and need.

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They want to do what is expected of

them, within boundaries and limits, and

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appreciate clear expectations from others.

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Enneagram types 1, 2, and 6 are

the compliant social styles.

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And then the withdrawn social style

has folks who are said to move away

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from the world because they tend to

look inward and become contemplative

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in their efforts to get what they want.

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They may need time and space to

process and share their ideas

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and prefer to disengage or deeply

consider issues before responding.

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Enneagram types 4, 5, and 9 are

the withdrawn social styles.

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So it should be noted that we all

use all of these social styles, but

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our personality tends to resort or

default to one of them unconsciously.

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And you can see that sometimes

friction or inefficiency or

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misunderstandings can happen just

in the difference of social styles.

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So exploring this as a

team can really help.

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And then the team report reports

these as a stack where you can see.

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Which one ranks the highest on your

team and which one's the lowest and

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it shows you like a bar chart compared

with your leader so that you can start

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to examine like power dynamics and

how the leader style may be similar or

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different to the team style and what

that means for your team and how you guys

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show up and interact with each other.

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Okay, so the final pattern that we look

at as we're trying to understand each

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other and build relationships and trust

on the team is the conflict styles.

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Conflict styles describe how

we respond when we tend not

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to get what we want, right?

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So if the social styles are how do

we go about trying to get what we

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want, the conflict styles are what

happens when we don't get what we want.

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The team conflict style represents the

conflict response of the team overall

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and indicates the team's likely focus

of attention during periods of conflict

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or when they do not get what they want.

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The three conflict styles are

avoidant, methodical, and reactive.

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And again, we all tend to use these

three different styles, but one tends

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to be used more than the others.

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And your team overall may prefer,

like, one of these may be more

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acceptable than the others too.

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So the avoidant conflict style

is also sometimes known as

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escapist or the positive outlook.

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This style focuses on making the

conflict go away or escaping the impact.

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People with this style tend to disengage

themselves from the situation, taking a

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positive outlook, and moving on quickly.

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Enneagram types 2, 7, and

9 are the avoidant types.

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The methodical conflict styles are

also known as the competency style.

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This emphasizes the need to put

personal feelings aside and focus on

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addressing the situation or challenge

in an efficient and effective way.

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Enneagram types 1, 3, and

5 are the methodical types.

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And finally, you have the

reactive conflict styles.

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Someone with this style is not necessarily

aggressive, but they do tend to react

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strongly and passionately and demand

or provoke equally passionate responses

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from others involved in the situation.

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Enneagram types 4, 6, and 8 are

the more reactive conflict styles.

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Okay, so that was the third way

that I use the Enneagram to help

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teams reach their potential.

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We reduce the conflict by increasing

the understanding we have of each

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other and building relationships.

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So the fourth way that I tend to use the

Enneagram to help teams is to help them

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be more effective in how they communicate.

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When we run the individual report, you

get a lot of information about your

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style and how you tend to communicate,

and this can draw your attention to

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some unconscious patterns or ways that

you tend to show up in conversation

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that may or may not be helping you.

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I use an iceberg analogy to talk about

the different elements of personality,

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that there are behaviors or thoughts

or feeling patterns that are visible on

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the surface, but there are these other

elements that are invisible and live

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in your subconscious that are driving

those visible patterns, things like

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mental fixation, emotional patterns,

your sense of self, core beliefs about

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the world, or your default coping

strategy for getting what you want

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that's driven by some unconscious fears.

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Once you understand these different

elements of type and how your ego

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creates filters on reality based in a

worldview that you've adopted you can

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see more clearly how you contribute to

each situation and open up to different

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ways of interpreting what's happening.

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That's a key stance for resilient

and visionary leaders, being open to

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learning, entertaining the possibility

that I might be wrong about something.

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See, each Enneagram type is driven

by a different motivation, and

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communication and trust will break

down when we interpret the actions of

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others through our own type filters.

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I'll walk you through the motivation

of each type really quick now.

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I always start with type 8 because

it's the first in the body center, and

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then I work my way clockwise around

the circle of the Enneagram symbol.

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So 8s have a need to be in

control and to be strong.

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9s have a need to keep the balance.

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1s have a need to do

the right or good thing.

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2s have a need to be

liked and appreciated.

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Threes have a need to outshine the rest.

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Fours have to be unique and authentic.

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Fives have to understand.

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Sixes have to be safe and belong, and

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sevens have to experience

it all and avoid pain.

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Conscious leaders are the ones that

know when they're operating from

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that constricted ego defensiveness,

and when they are able to be more

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intentional and present because they're

staying open and curious and can let

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those defenses down a little bit.

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Communication is so much easier

when you can see things clearly.

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And as you work with the patterns of

type, you can understand where others

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are coming from and how they might

see things a little bit differently.

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Which helps you not to take

things so personally when they

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do come up in conversation.

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It also helps you to name things

more clearly and have more efficient

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conversations because you can

get to the heart of the matter.

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One of the things I teach my clients

are the three layers to a conversation.

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Most people stay on the surface of what

happened, but when you know that the

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feelings about what happened are really

what create these points of friction

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in relationships, You can talk about

that instead of circling around the

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same set of facts or interpretation

about what happened over and over again.

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Or playing the blame game where you're

trying to figure out who's responsible

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for the mistake or the misstep.

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And what happens when you play the

blame game is that shame is your

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constant companion for someone and it's

obscuring your vision and preventing

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you from seeing things more clearly.

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Your individual report that

comes with the test has feedback

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tips for each of the types.

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So you can adjust your style

to help your message land.

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See, conscious leaders aren't just

intentional about what they say.

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They're very aware that how

they deliver it, the context, is

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