What if the hardest part of dating with a disability isn't the disability at all? It's the quiet belief, rarely spoken out loud, that love might not be for you. This episode is for anyone who has felt that fear before a first message is even sent.
Kathy O'Connell, who has lived with cerebral palsy her whole life, shares the concept of sexual ableism and the personal story that took her from twenty years of dating confusion to a seventeen-year marriage. This conversation offers a real, grounded shift: from "something is wrong with me" to "here is what makes me a good partner."
About the Guest:
Kathy O'Connell is a licensed mental health counselor, certified rehabilitation counselor, and author who lives with cerebral palsy. She is happily married with a son, and has spent nearly thirty years turning her own dating journey into support for thousands of others. She is the author of Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities.
Key Takeaways:
- Sexual ableism is a societal belief projected onto people with disabilities, not a personal failing, and naming it changes how you carry it
- Fear of rejection can quietly make you reject yourself first, before anyone else has the chance to
- Shifting from "no one will date me because" to "people will date me because" is the mindset change that moves the needle
- Identify your own "power to attract" qualities and lean on them intentionally on dating apps and in early conversations
- Real, lasting connection comes from being exactly who you are and letting that find the right people, not from convincing anyone
Connect With the Guest:
Website: https://www.relatabilityllc.com
Podcast: Dating, Relationships, and Disability
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathyoconnellradiantabilities/
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Cold open — the quiet belief that love isn't for you
[03:57] Welcome to Pleasure Principles & meeting Kathy O'Connell
[05:37] (approx.) The date that changed everything
[09:39] (approx.) Naming sexual ableism
[13:35] (approx.) The silent messages dating apps send
[16:03] (approx.) Fear of rejection, and rejecting yourself first
[18:58] (approx.) Finding your "power to attract"
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