Unlocking the Power of Truly Showing Up with Marcy Axelrod

In this episode of Present Influence, host John Ball welcomes Marcy Axelrod to delve into the nuances of 'showing up.' Axelrod, an expert on the topic and author of 'How We Choose to Show Up,' explains that success is not just about physical presence but involves different levels of engagement. She introduces her research on the three levels of showing up—barely there, just showing up, and truly showing up—and discusses how integrating neuroscience, psychology, and behavioural economics can revolutionize personal and professional interactions. The conversation touches on the importance of intentionality, empathy, and connecting with others. Axelrod also shares practical insights, including a simple technique to become more present. The episode emphasizes the importance of choosing how we show up in life to create more meaningful and impactful experiences.

To view the images Marcy shared in the recording, CLICK HERE

Keywords

showing up, personal development, emotional intelligence, attunement, mental health, collective mentality, neuroscience, self-awareness, transformation, leadership

Takeaways

Showing up is crucial for success in life.

There are three levels of showing up: barely there, just showing up, and truly showing up.

Just showing up often leads to dissatisfaction in life.

A collective mentality fosters deeper connections than individualism.

Attunement is more impactful than mere awareness.

Many people operate in a default mode of just showing up.

We can steer our life's journey with intention.

Solitude is essential for self-reflection and growth.

Understanding ourselves requires context and connection with others.

Emotional intelligence is key to authentic interactions.

Sound Bites

"80% of success is just showing up."

"There are three different levels of showing up."

"Just showing up means a lot of things."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: The Importance of Showing Up

00:47 Meet Marcy Axelrod: The Expert on Showing Up

01:27 Understanding the Levels of Showing Up

02:46 The Science Behind Showing Up

03:13 Marcy's Personal Journey and Research

05:10 Exploring the Three Levels of Showing Up

07:10 The Impact of Just Showing Up

09:12 Moving Beyond Just Showing Up

15:50 The Need for Attunement

26:22 The Role of Society in How We Show Up

29:59 Understanding Different Perspectives

34:22 The Power of Choice

39:35 Mental Health and Personal Experiences

42:11 Authenticity in Leadership

55:17 Emotional Intelligence and Intuition

57:53 Practical Techniques for Presence

01:01:16 Conclusion and Next Steps

Thanks for listening and please give the show a 5* review if you enjoyed it. Join me on LinkedIn for my Present Influence newsletter if you'd like to listen to part 2 where we dive even deeper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnaball/ or message me and I'll send you the link.

It's often said that 80 percent of success is just showing up, but

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if that is true, which I don't know.

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I highly doubt.

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What is the other 20 percent

and what should the 80 percent

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of showing up look like?

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Is it just about being physically

present or is there a bit more to it?

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Well, my guest on the show today

is here to share that there

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is a bit more to showing up.

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There are different ways in which

we can show up and different levels.

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And she's going to explain to us what

those levels are, and how you can

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shift between them according to what

feels appropriate and right for you

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from maybe just barely showing up

to really powerfully showing up in

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your own life, in your business or

wherever you need to turn on the taps.

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My guest on the episode

today is Marcy Axelrod.

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Marcy spent a lot of time and research

looking into the ways in which people

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show up, especially in their professional

lives, but also in their whole life.

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And her new book, how we choose to

show up integrates neuroscience,

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psychology, behavioral economics,

and evolutionary biology with top

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consulting strategies and leading

business practices to help you succeed.

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Now, most of us wake up and start

the day with barely a thought for

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our energy, our mood, and how we

anticipate behaving and responding to

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people and things throughout the day.

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As a result, we can end up in something

of an eat, sleep, repeat cycle,

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where we run mostly on automatic.

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Understanding the basic different levels

of showing up and how we can shift between

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them can be revolutionary to living

a more conscious and attuned life that

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makes it more possible for you to affect

your circumstances and interactions,

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rather than them affecting you.

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Welcome to Present Influence, the show

that helps business leaders develop the

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skills to influence, impact and inspire.

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My name is John Ball, I'm a keynote

coach, professional speaker, and your

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guide on the journey to leadership level

communication and presentation skills.

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My mission is to provide rising

business leaders like you with

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everything you need to maximize your

impact and present with influence.

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Follow the show on your favorite podcast

app for weekly episodes and interviews

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with influence experts . And if you enjoy

the show and get some value from it,

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please do leave us a five star review on

whichever app you are listening to us on.

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But for now, let's get into the show.

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Before I bring Marcy on, let me just say

that some of the things we talk about

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will have some pictorial references, and

Marcy has furnished me with some slides.

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They will be available for you in the

show notes, as will links to Marcy's

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book, her website, and everything

she talks about here in the episode.

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But without further ado, let me welcome my

guest and showing up expert Marcy Axelrod.

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Now, if you get to be into

this episode, I think, wow.

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That was interesting.

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I would like to know more.

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We did record a part two, and

I will tell you at the end of

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the episode where you can go.

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To access that if you would

like to hear more of a second

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conversation I had with Marcy.

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To get even deeper on how we show up.

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So remember, stay tuned to the

end of the episode and I'll tell

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you exactly what you need to do.

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As we started our conversation.

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I asked Marcy what led her to this topic?

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Where did it all begin?

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Marcy Axelrod: I lost the

ability to speak at age six.

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It was the confluence of

just moving to Boston.

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Mom and dad were too busy, new

careers they had to launch.

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And it just triggered stuttering.

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It was a predisposition genetically.

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And with that, when you can't

speak, you start to observe.

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And what I recognized day after day

on the playground, age six in primary

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school is that while I couldn't show up

as I chose, everyone around me could,

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they could choose how they showed up.

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And yet I saw Ballying and I

saw kids mistreating each other.

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And I saw some kids being the

scaredy cat, unable to stand up,

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unable to have a sense of self.

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I also observed the adults around me.

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Making choices.

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When do they intervene?

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And really, why weren't they coming up and

providing solace to the kids who needed

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it and providing support to the kids who

came across too strong and too aggressive?

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So that's really where showing up started.

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I conducted my first global study with

hundreds of millions of data points in

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my late twenties as a strategy management

consultant with KPMG consulting.

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That was after being on wall street and

actually observing lots of decisions

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people were making, how they were

showing up to their wallets, their

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portfolios the gyrations of the

market, recognizing there's a buyer

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for every seller, but maybe not really

thinking through the longer term.

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I saw a lot of short term showing up.

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So anyway, all of this is

wrapped up and showing up.

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And then from all the research, of course,

the model emerged and it was so clear.

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So the book had to be put out there,

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John: So we can see where this

whole thing started for Marcy.

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And what I really wanted to get

to next was what those different

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levels of showing our path.

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So here, Marcy's going to introduce

us to the three levels of showing up.

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Marcy Axelrod: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And I mean, John, everything in life

has levels of quality, everything.

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I mean, even when you look at a leaf.

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There's a vein through the middle, that's

this primary vein, there's a shape.

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But from the central

vein, there are offshoots.

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So you could say level 1, level 2 are

the offshoots, and then level 3, the

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offshoots are the offshoots, right?

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So showing up, there's a way that

each of us want to show up and then

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there are ways that we just default.

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And we say, Oh, my goodness,

like, how could I have done that?

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And then there's the barely there

when either you're dealing with

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something really intense yourself,

or you're just burned out and

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that's kind of a level one.

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So the middle level where we

just show up is level two.

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There's a lot of neuroscience

I can explain about what

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happens, what the default is.

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What happens when we're distracted and

we show up with that and then I call it

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level three, the truly showing up here.

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There's a really memorable little

continuum that I think helps a lot

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of people but level one, level

two, level three, barely there,

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level one, just showing up level

two, truly showing up level three.

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And there's a neuroscience

background to this and an

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evolutionary biological background.

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And obviously with the leaf example.

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Or even the structure of our body, John.

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Everything has a primary, a secondary,

and then you could call it a tertiary.

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So, there are levels in everything.

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One, two, three.

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Three is zero.

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where the rubber meets the road,

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John: Yeah.

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That's more like the context in

which we exist, to some degree.

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Yeah.

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Marcy Axelrod: Well, it's

what we all aspire to.

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This is the coming together.

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It's the truly showing up as we want,

leaving the legacy that we want.

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John: One of the things I often

find myself talking about in a lot

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of personal development trainings

that I have taught over the years.

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Is how 80% of success

is just showing up now.

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I'm not a hundred percent convinced that

that is genuinely true, but I do know that

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if you're not actually in the room, when

things important, things are happening,

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you are definitely not showing up.

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So I mean, that expression tends to

refer to physically being present,

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or at least being virtually present

in our online environments.

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However, what we're talking about

is the way in which we show up, not

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just being somewhere, but really

being there, being noticeable for

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the level of it was showing up as.

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If we are in a room.

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And we just barely there.

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We were present.

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But we're not really interacting.

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Can we really say that we are showing up?

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Are we showing up as the

best version of ourselves?

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Not really.

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So let's hear a bit more

about this from Marcy.

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Marcy Axelrod: So what you're asking me

about is what I call just showing up.

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Just showing up means a lot of things.

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First of all, you.

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Are largely in the left

hemisphere of your brain, which

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is representing the past to you.

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So you're partially engaged.

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It's the shallows, right?

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That was just discussed years ago in

that famous book by Jonathan Carr.

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So this is where you're there.

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And you might actually have an

intent to, to do well and perform

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there, but you haven't really

done a number of important things.

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You haven't really engaged your

system of care for the other people.

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If it's just you and there aren't other

people, you haven't engaged your system

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of care that says, why does this matter?

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Is emptying the dishwasher, creating

an environment for a smooth interaction

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with my kids when they come home.

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The other thing that you haven't

done is you haven't kind of gone

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up to the mountain and look down

if you will, and said, what is

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the real significance of this?

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Moment across the broader scale, right?

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What is the meaning that's

about to take place?

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What is the impact?

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So what we can do is we're is instead

of that, which is level three, we

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kind of level two just show up.

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We kind of just walk in, maybe

another meeting just ended.

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Maybe we just arrived and we kind of

just walk in and the moment that you

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just walk in, you aren't fully there.

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And then the moments take place

and you aren't fully there.

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Maybe you're there, but you're

not, you're there, but you're not.

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That's a very common thing.

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And then afterwards,

what have we truly done?

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Have we bonded with the people?

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Have we shown care?

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Have we manifested within ourselves

the meaning of the moment for them?

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And when you haven't, they know.

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Now maybe they haven't consciously

said, either this person doesn't

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really care, or this person's more

interested in the idea than the impact.

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So we just kind of move through

and that's just showing up.

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And this is when after the days or the

months or the year, you kind of look back

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and you say to yourself, what happened?

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I'm 40 or I'm 50 or I'm

35, whatever it may be.

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And this kind of isn't

what I really wanted.

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This isn't what I planned.

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How did I get here?

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And there's a dissatisfaction that has

crept in and maybe your relationships

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aren't what you want or your body

weight or your health or your

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professional world or your bank account.

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So this is the result of just showing up.

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It is massive.

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John: Well, research and

knowledge is all good and well.

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It's one thing to know

is quite another to do.

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And when it was the whole point of all

of this, is there a transformation that

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Marcy is aiming to help people get to?

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Well, that's what we talked about next.

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Marcy Axelrod: Oh, my goodness.

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There are so many interwoven statistics

in society right now showing that.

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We are just not a happy fulfilled people.

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People have a lack of meaning.

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Loneliness is off the charts, right?

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There's a reason that our surgeon

general Vivek Murthy wrote a book,

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not about, obesity or cancer.

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It's called together.

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The book is about loneliness, right?

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And how it's worse on the impact

is worse on our health than smoking

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a pack of cigarettes a day, right?

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The loneliness is because we

feel that we're individualized.

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selves.

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So that's a small S self.

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And it happens in the part of

the brain where the default

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mode is actually engaged.

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It isn't the part that

connects with others.

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So the small S self is

this I, me, mine mode.

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And the mirror is like

this and it's facing us.

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And when it faces us, we're never

going to really communicate and bond

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with others the way that we want.

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So this is why I'm doing it.

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The mental health issues that we're all

dealing with the fact that 50 percent of

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girls from ages 12 to, 28 are on SSRIs

to help their anxiety and depression.

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And then, on and on.

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So that's why I'm doing

it from a planetary level.

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John, we've crossed 6 of the 9

planetary Boundaries, for safe

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drinking water for clean air for, the

rapidity of death of whole species.

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I mean.

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There is a reason we are not

showing up as nature intended.

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Now, I'll give a short answer

now to what I'm trying to do.

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I'm trying to just lay out for people,

there's actually a model, and it's

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really simple, of how human beings

are designed to show up, and once

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you know it, you say, Oh my God.

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In the back of my mind, I've

known this the whole time, but

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seeing it's really helpful.

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So, have I answered your questions?

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John: yeah, I think so and Let me see.

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Is this some is this somewhat to do with

Having more of a collective mentality

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then as opposed to an individualistic one

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Marcy Axelrod: Yes.

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Yes.

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And yes.

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So what we're doing is we're changing

from individuals to all-dividuals.

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We're recognizing that in

intelligence, the skills and

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knowledge that we need to succeed.

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It's not inside of us.

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It's in all of us.

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It's in, the way that the world works.

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So we are moving from this isolated

self, a small S self to a big S self.

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And the big S self takes its

mirror and goes like this.

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And that is when you feel others.

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I have a continuum that

actually shows this.

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And when you feel others, guess what?

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Your authentic self walks into the

room with you and your fear is over

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there and your imposter syndrome and

all those things that hold people

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back just don't manifest because

we're functioning human to human.

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I'm going to show you how this works.

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And I talk about the neuroscience

and I talk about getting rid of

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the things that keep us in the box.

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There are four ways people show

up to keep us in the box, right?

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Just showing up at level two.

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They are lesser than,

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better than, I deserve.

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And here's a biggie, ready?

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And I hope your listeners are

nodding saying, yep, got it, ready?

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The fourth need to be seen as.

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We need to be seen as

we're in presentation mode.

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These are discussed by the Arbinger

Institute and this in the terrific

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book that they have anatomy of

peace, leadership and self deception.

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There's a number of books,

but here's the continuum You

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start out in self mode here.

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And then as you move into from

self focus, you start to notice.

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others more.

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Once you notice what did you do?

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Wow.

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You gotta lean in.

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So you got to tune in.

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You've noticed you've tuned in.

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And then what happens once you've

tuned in, we as humans, we naturally

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start to feel with the other person.

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Isn't an object who's in your way.

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They're not, that person who's

oh my goodness, they never

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support my ideas in that meeting.

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No, they aren't an object to push away.

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You're feeling with And then

you naturally go to the final

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stage, John, enacting care.

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And when you're enacting care, all

those other fears and the I deserve

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and the lesser than and better

than, they just dissipate because

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now you're enacting care and you're

functioning at this much broader level.

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And I'll tell you, your

body resets your words.

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Slow, you're the communicator

you've always wanted to be

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and people feel you as well.

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John: In your book, you are very

specific about using the word

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attunement instead of awareness.

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Can you for the, for our

listener, can you say why that is?

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Marcy Axelrod: And John, I'm

so glad you brought this up.

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So it's not just attunement

instead of awareness.

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It's also attunement instead of presence.

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I do talk about presencing.

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So this is really important.

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All the people focused on

mindfulness and awareness.

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It's great.

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So awareness.

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I feel leads you to the gate.

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It gets you to the

noticing, but then it stops.

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It leaves you at the gate.

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Luckily the universe doesn't work that

way because once you notice, if you stay

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with it and you really presence with

it, you then start to tune in and then

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you feel with, and then you enact care.

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So there, there are three levels.

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There are three stages there toward truly

showing up past awareness, presence,

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I feel also has that limitation.

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We do value presencing.

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Because otherwise the world are, left

hemispheres, the one that we're living

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in, and it just represents the past.

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This is when, you're partially engaged.

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The whole workforce disengagement

thing, John is because we show up

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with intermittent presence or that

constant partial attention, right?

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What you really want to do is go beyond.

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The, kind of awareness stage and

the present stage and you want

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to stay with it enough to attune

attuning is when you're feeling with.

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So you go from noticing to tuning

into feeling with to enacting care.

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And that is what you need.

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John: I like that.

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I'm thinking about tuning a piano.

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It's yeah, you have to get the

right harmony, the right resonance.

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And yeah.

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I like that as an idea that I can feel

that there's a difference with that.

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You also talk about the

different levels of showing up.

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I mean, the just showing up

level, is that more that you say

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it's kind of a default level?

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Is it based in apathy or is

it, why is it a default level?

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Marcy Axelrod: Oh yeah.

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I love that.

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So why is just showing up our default?

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So my research shows 80 percent of us.

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Just show up 80 percent of the time.

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So the answer is really easy.

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Why do we just show up?

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How many of us wake up and just, we just

have to get this done and let me look at

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my schedule and I'm already partially late

and I have to get the kids out the door

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and I have this quote in the book, Marcy.

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If at 10 a.

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m.

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I have half my wits about

me, I consider it a success.

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This is a father and he gets his kids

up and he gets his kids out at the door.

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He's a very successful person,

but what he's demonstrating

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is what we're all doing.

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There's this busy ness

and that's a B word.

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I really don't like it.

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And I'm actually working with a

whole group of people now to develop

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a word to seed into the zeitgeist.

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That's kind of the opposite of

busy ness, more of a gradual ness.

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When you're busy and you're

going bup, the flow, let me

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bring in a physics metaphor here.

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The light, the wave of light.

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You know how we can also be

a particle dot, just thinking

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about that makes my heart cringe.

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What we're doing is we've taken

the flow of life, the dynamism, the

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connectedness, the bigger picture, and

we've turned it into these little pieces.

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And when you have little parts like

that, you totally miss out on the whole.

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Let me give you an example, John.

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So I'm going to describe you you have

this jovial air, you have this deep care,

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you have a gregarious expression, you're

dedicating your life to helping others.

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I could go on for the whole

day, but have I ever, and can I

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capture the essence of all of you?

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With.

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Part part, right?

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Description, even though what I'm

saying is really existential about

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you even though it's deep stuff,

Jane is she works at the school

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and she does, that's not Jane.

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You can never with parts,

instantiate the whole.

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John: Yeah.

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Marcy Axelrod: Okay.

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So when you're in, you're just showing

up mode and you're in this busy mode,

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dude, I've got a nine o'clock meeting.

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Then I've got to stare at the spreadsheet

and get this done and get a memo to this

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person, or I have to go and do this.

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When we're like that, we can

never experience the fullness.

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John: So here, I presented myself

with this analogy of maybe just going

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down a river in a rubber ring and

just being buffeted around by the

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currents of the water, or going down

in a kayak with a paddle, maybe even

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a rudder and being able to control the

direction, the speed of your own journey.

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Marcy Axelrod: Yes.

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Well, yes, there's steering.

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There's also an acceptance.

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Really?

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Just showing up, right?

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That level two that keeps us from

the level three where we really.

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Have the deep relationships,

the deep meaning in life.

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That's level three, right?

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They're the interwovenness into the fabric

of how the universe is really working.

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And then you really flow with things.

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You have less stress,

you're stay healthier.

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You naturally avoid, extremes

of risk because people

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gravitate toward you, right?

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The phone calls come in saying

we, our team, has a need for this.

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And really, I thought about you, would

you like to come in and meet with us?

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So, what keeps us out of that flow is

when we're moving too fast, we're rushed,

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we're too busy, and then kind of the

edges of the goodness gets sliced off.

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And this can be insufficient sleep.

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It can be skipping our time at the gym.

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It can be not making time to be with the

people who really matter to us enough.

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So we don't meet with our friends and

have the depth of expressiveness where

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they share their lives and we share ours.

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So we end up in this middle of plainness

and Then we feel this wanting, or

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we feel a striving, or we feel a

desperation, or we feel a lacking.

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And all of it comes really

from and, I don't like the word

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balance, another B word like busy.

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It comes from not having

enough time in solitude.

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Not having enough time to reset, not

having enough decision to just sit

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with a journal maybe and say, here's

how I feel and here's what matters.

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And here's what I'm going to

do to orient my day toward

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being with what's meaningful.

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John: I want to check in that I

am interpreting what you're saying

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correctly, but it's to some degree,

being able to take that step back

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and have some peacefulness, be alone,

have time to think, be alone with your

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thoughts, meditate, journal, things

that I personally found very valuable

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in figuring out how I actually feel

about things and making sense of

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things that are going on in my life.

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But it's a level of a little bit

of detachment from your own life.

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Is that right?

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Marcy Axelrod: interesting,

John, you say detachment.

423

Yes.

424

What you said is right, however.

425

Instead of detachment, which I see

you could apply that in terms of not

426

getting caught up in the mirror of the

smallest self and the reverberative

427

echo of our own minds, I can see

detachment working with that frame on

428

it to me, though, it's more of a depth.

429

Of being with ourself in the big S self,

which is the one that indigenous peoples

430

have always known about and Eastern

contemplatives of, spoken about and

431

John, I'll also point out importantly.

432

So, the foundation of almost

every religion is this oneness

433

and that's the big S self.

434

So it isn't so much detaching from

in the way of not really caring.

435

It is A depth of being with the big S

self such that we're noticing, tuning

436

in and enacting care for others.

437

And I'll tell you, John, this

is when the awe shows up.

438

This is when the wonder shows up.

439

This is when, oh my goodness.

440

There's a.

441

There's that breeze and you all of a

sudden are sensing my windows open.

442

So I've got the breeze here.

443

That's what like, wow.

444

The fact that I have this perception

system built into me that we are

445

encased in a perceptual system.

446

It's a semi permeable membrane such

that the outside and the inside

447

are not, we are not separate.

448

We are not.

449

We are designed such that.

450

We in the environment are one, right?

451

There's a reason that when the

sun shines down, we feel it.

452

It's not because there's a

boundary or a border it's

453

because we're meant to absorb it.

454

We wouldn't exist without those sun rays.

455

They literally sustain us, right?

456

So maybe this is a long way of saying

the more we get into and kind of see.

457

Swim and live within the depth of

how we're designed to show up, right?

458

This is nature's model of how

we're designed to show up.

459

Then all of a sudden we, we live into

this togetherness and the meaning

460

that so many of us are seeking.

461

John: Yeah.

462

like to think that we can only

really truly understand ourselves.

463

in the context of our environment

and the people around us That

464

we can't get that full grasp of

ourselves just from self reflection.

465

It seems like that's kind of

Related that's kind of there

466

as well with what you're saying

467

Marcy Axelrod: Yeah.

468

Yeah.

469

I really want to pick up on what the

model shows that you just touched on.

470

So we're in three roles at all times.

471

This is absolutely key.

472

Okay.

473

We are not individualized selves.

474

We are members of situations at

every moment and that changes

475

every moment, determines what we

think, what we feel, literally the

476

chemistry of our body and what we do.

477

So our thoughts, feelings and

actions are situationally prescribed.

478

Now it doesn't mean that we

don't show up with our thoughts.

479

A mode of who we are and a disposition and

kind of a general state of affairs of, a

480

level of kindness, a level of patience.

481

No, I'm not saying that our, that all

of that doesn't show up, but everything

482

in the moment brings out with us

483

who we, how we show up right then.

484

So your care, I am feeling your care from

your expression and it's changing me and

485

it just reset my tone and my breathing.

486

And my heart rate and

what your listeners hear.

487

Finally, there's a third role.

488

There's a societal member role.

489

And there's this great book that

I mentioned called selfless by

490

Brian Lowry, a professor in the

business school at Stanford.

491

And he basically explains our

society defines everything about us.

492

So we think we're an individual,

but we're really an all-dividual.

493

We are a societal member.

494

That's why we're on this podcast.

495

That's why we're sitting here.

496

Now.

497

That's why we're using tech.

498

It's why everything is determined

right now by what society has told.

499

This is the right way to

spend our time right now.

500

Think about that.

501

And I'll just show you this

1 pie chart because this is

502

the model of how we show up.

503

We're 3 rolls at all times.

504

We're in 3 rolls at all times.

505

Self situation member societal member

and I'm really okay and that's what the

506

continuum comes out of and there's a skill

for each role, but I will give you this.

507

It's on my website.

508

John: Great.

509

I'll have links for those in the show

notes for everyone who wants to He wants

510

to take a look at those images and some

of you'll be able to see it on the video

511

I'll put them up there for you as well.

512

You I really like that.

513

Do you feel then that there's a shift

happening or is the shift Hopefully

514

on the way that one of the reasons I

why I guess you're a part of it But

515

do you feel that it is happening?

516

Do you see it in other places as well?

517

Marcy Axelrod: It's very

much happening part of John.

518

How it's happening.

519

That was that we go the

other way and we get burned.

520

And then we turn.

521

Yeah.

522

But tell me what you're seeing.

523

John: In terms of generality in life,

I do feel that Our experience is so

524

determined by how we approach the

world and where we're coming from.

525

And I know you do talk about this

because I saw it in the book as well.

526

That every situation we approach is

going to, every experience we have

527

is going to be determined by we are

in the moment that we're in that

528

situation and how we're showing up.

529

So I see that.

530

I see myself and some of my

friends having very different.

531

senses of the same kind of experiences

at the moment, but I do see more and

532

more people at least having an awareness

of what's going on with other people.

533

That people are actually keener to

tune in to what and to understand

534

other people's experiences.

535

That's what I'm seeing as But

I do see Differences in how

536

people show up very clearly

537

Marcy Axelrod: For the better.

538

John: mostly.

539

Yeah.

540

But that, I think that's, I think that's a

lot to do with the circles that I mix in.

541

I mix with a lot of people who want

to help make the world a better place.

542

So I think inevitably I'm going to

see more positive sides of people,

543

I have I was just talking about this

at lunch with a friend earlier that

544

I have a friend who is doing fine.

545

She's a psychologist and she's

working with a lot of people who have

546

some very serious, dark problems.

547

And that's a lot of, that

influences how she sees the world.

548

And I have another friend who worked

in child services in the UK and saw a

549

lot of what, child abuse cases and was

typing up notes for them all and she, it

550

started to affect her view of the world.

551

So many things have such, can have such

a powerful impact on how we start to view

552

the world and people and what's around us.

553

Marcy Axelrod: You just gave

great examples of how our

554

societal role shows up, right?

555

We might feel like distinct individuals,

but we are not separate from we are

556

societal members, at least as much

as individualized selves, right?

557

So what you're saying is.

558

When you're surrounded by people who

have significant mental health issues

559

or are living in a very depressed

place, that's your ecosystem.

560

And that is what filters.

561

What comes to mind and how your body feels

and therefore how you behave and what

562

you say and what you choose to attend

to and how you choose to attend, right?

563

And then you who are spending your

time with people trying to change the

564

world, optimistic people, hopefully

not desperate, but just, that then

565

leads you to show up a certain

way, probably far more broadminded.

566

I'm seeing a bigger picture, seeing

more of the flow seeing the impact

567

of things across time noticing.

568

Oh, I'm noticing this going on.

569

That's because.

570

of this other good thing here, right?

571

So you're noticing positive things

that fulfill your expectation of,

572

look, all these people are working to

change the world in a positive way.

573

And then you fulfill what

oh, look at these impacts,

574

which are the positive things.

575

While this other friend might

be seeing negative things.

576

John: Yeah, I have very intentionally put

myself in those circles, circumstances.

577

So I feel like I've always agreed with

this principle of that we create our

578

own lives and that we create our own

experiences and been very, have been

579

very intentional about that with mine.

580

And it doesn't mean that I'm not aware

that there's stuff that isn't good going

581

on in the world and stuff like that.

582

I'm also aware that, If I don't choose

how I want to be appearing each day on a

583

day to day basis and deciding how I want

to show up that I end up being, what we

584

call in the personal development world,

in effect of all those things, rather

585

than the cause of my own emotional state.

586

Marcy Axelrod: I am loving this, right?

587

So this is why the word choose.

588

Is circle.

589

So what you're saying is you are

choosing how you are showing up

590

and who you are spending time with

591

John: I realized that in this conversation

with Marcy though, I do very much

592

choose the environments that I like

to spend time with what I choose to.

593

Allow to go into my ears or my

eyes in terms of what I watch on

594

TV or what I choose to listen to.

595

And that I'm probably a lot more

protective of my inner world that I ever

596

used to be, and I do much more choose.

597

I set intentions for how I

want to show up each day.

598

I set intentions for how I want

meetings to go and outcomes that

599

I want to create or how I want

to interact with other people.

600

And also my boundaries around who

I'm willing to spend time with then.

601

And behaviors that I'm

willing to tolerate or not.

602

And those are generally

good things in my life.

603

But let's get back to the

conversation with Marcy.

604

Marcy Axelrod: Let's talk about choice for

a minute, because it's really important.

605

So a lot of people feel that life happens

to them and the lexicon of showing up

606

switches To with and for when you're

with others and you're for others you're

607

for the greater good Let's say things

aren't happening to you because now the

608

world is showing up with and for you

How we use words Change is what we think

609

and what we think changes the health of

our bodies and it changes what we do.

610

And the people who practice cognitive

behavioral therapy know this well and

611

neuro linguistic programming know this

well, and it's very well integrated

612

into some of the healing arts.

613

Choice, let's talk about

choice versus decision.

614

What a decision does is it

takes an opportunity set and

615

it filters you down to one.

616

That's my decision.

617

So you're going from many to one.

618

What a choice does is it says,

what are all the options?

619

I have all these options that are

out there, all these potential paths.

620

I'm going to choose this and

let's see, cause I can choose

621

all these other things too.

622

So choice opens up, deciding closes down

and you need both, but you have a, at any

623

moment you're When you need to choose,

you can keep in mind, I'm making a choice.

624

I'm not making a decision.

625

John: Yeah.

626

Marcy Axelrod: important.

627

Yes.

628

And once again, what you're really

doing is you're choosing your process.

629

You are asking how am I showing up

to the process of my options And

630

choosing one over another all the

while knowing that I'm engaging

631

in something that is flexible.

632

John: Yeah, this may be a bit of a sidebar

I'm not sure but something that comes up

633

for me as we talk about this is I'm aware

that I've encountered people over time

634

who actively avoid anything that would put

them into having to be alone with their

635

thoughts or reflect on stuff or have a

greater awareness that they really want

636

to stay in their own little bubble with

their force field up and I don't want to

637

let any anything In i'm sure you've come

across that as well what level of showing

638

up is that and where do you go from there?

639

Marcy Axelrod: Yeah, that's it.

640

That's people putting up a protection.

641

That's a defensive.

642

And I guess sometimes it

actually could be an offensive

643

protection of people's selves.

644

So, and, you referenced and I don't know,

knowingly so, but that study that showed

645

that the majority of people would prefer

to inflict electric shocks on themselves,

646

painful electric shocks, and be alone

with their own thoughts for five minutes.

647

What do I make of that?

648

So these are people.

649

who are trying to do well.

650

This is not a failure.

651

This is putting up a protective

device so that people can keep going.

652

So this is just showing up depending

on how deep and dark it gets.

653

It could be a level one barely there.

654

But, when you are able to silence

your mind and focus on, let's say

655

your breath, Or your or how your

body feels what you're sensing

656

you then experience relief because what

we're doing is silencing and creating

657

space for our mind to just be and

to reset thoughts can be dangerous.

658

But they're not truth,

and they're not reality.

659

They are neural events from a bunch

of firing of our neurons, which

660

by the way, is largely random.

661

Don't believe your thoughts.

662

There's this great joke of I don't

want to be alone with my thoughts

663

My mind is a dangerous place.

664

Anyway, it's just a funny joke, but

the point is, more people practice.

665

Being able to breathe and focus on

something, then their mind, their

666

thoughts won't be a scary place and you

won't need to keep putting up a wall,

667

that, that phrase, I'm staying busy

668

that to me shows a failure of

being able to, engage either your

669

sensing mode or focus on, let's

say your breath to let your mind

670

empty itself and then you're safe.

671

John: this a bit of a difference, I

often feel, between people who are just

672

existing and people who are really living.

673

And this seems to refer

to this to some degree.

674

It's like some people are just kind of

getting through their life, and some

675

people are actually having a wonderful

experience of making their lives

676

amazing in some way, shape, or form.

677

Has your work that you've been doing

and you're speaking, where do you

678

feel that's had the biggest impact?

679

Marcy Axelrod: Yeah, I love this

question and I do want to mention

680

the suffering that I've been doing.

681

So people can relate.

682

So the biggest impact that the 3

areas where I get the most inquiry

683

for speeches and engagements.

684

Our the mental health realm education

and I mean, this is too vague, but

685

corporate effectiveness, but even

then, it's based in trust and culture.

686

So I launched the 20 24, 20 25

school year for a whole new set

687

of charter schools in the Bedford

Stuyvesant neighborhood in Brooklyn.

688

The schools came to being,

starting about 12 years ago.

689

Because they found that the black and

brown students in that neighborhood

690

were falling through the cracks, and.

691

The energy and dedication and

love in that room was like,

692

nothing I've ever experienced.

693

So my hats off to patients who's the head

of academic affairs there and that entire

694

team, that's 1 on the mental health realm.

695

I'm being asked because, how we show up

to mental health is absolutely massive.

696

My daughter is 14.

697

she just came home after almost

an entire year at a level 4 mental

698

health facility in Missouri.

699

I'm in New York.

700

So sending her away.

701

Not any mother's first choice.

702

John: Okay.

703

Marcy Axelrod: you can imagine, there's

five years of struggle proceeding that

704

there's the massive struggle during it.

705

And then there's the

like, how do we restart?

706

How do we create basic trust?

707

How do we attach as a mother and a child?

708

Starting from negative 10 and she's 14.

709

So anyone hearing this there's a lot

of mental health realities going on.

710

Every school system has 25 to 50

percent of kids dealing with some

711

version of anxiety or depression

or school avoidance or, self harm.

712

Anyway, so lots to talk about

there, and I'd be happy to share

713

kind of the version of showing

up designed for that population.

714

John: We were chatting a bit before we

recorded today and I was saying that your

715

topic relates very similarly to a topic

that I'm working on for my own keynote.

716

For different reasons but they're

very aligned, like we're very aligned

717

and there's a lot of crossover,

I think in what we do and one

718

of the reasons why I selected.

719

This sort of more the greater

intentionality of taking more control over

720

how you show up about who you choose to

be on a day to day basis was because a

721

lot of the work that I do and want to keep

doing with people is about helping them

722

be able to present themselves effectively.

723

And clearly, and to improve

their communication skills, their

724

interactiveness with other people,

to create stronger cultures that

725

can only really be done when you are

taking that kind of journey yourself.

726

And you don't just show

up as I'm the boss.

727

You do what I say.

728

It's that's the thing.

729

It's a different paradigm of leadership

from the, all right, I'm at the top of

730

the pile to the more servant leadership

of not I'm the bottom of the pile,

731

but I'm here to support you all.

732

And I'm here to make this a

valuable place to work, a productive

733

place to work, a place that you

may never want to leave working.

734

It's this is the sort of

culture we want to have.

735

Marcy Axelrod: Yeah.

736

John: That's how I want people to

be able to show up and to be able

737

to get onto a stage and be natural

and not be just in their heads about

738

what's everyone thinking about me.

739

What's what's this image that I have, you

talked about this, having this image about

740

I have to be this image, this, cause this

is what people expect me to be in my role

741

that people don't get to be authentic.

742

And so it feels To me to be very

important is you know, i've chosen

743

to go into a corporate area as well

to speak about this But it's very

744

needed there where people genuinely

don't feel they can be themselves.

745

They have to be this

idea or this archetype

746

Marcy Axelrod: This whole needs to be

seen as I'm really glad you're bringing

747

this up, John, we can only show up

based on what we believe about ourselves

748

and how we believe the world works.

749

So we show up into that version of

reality, if you will, and then that

750

creates how the world shows up for us.

751

Someone may mean well, but if we're

showing up to them with a mistrust or

752

with an assumption, they're judging me.

753

We actually perceive

threat from that person.

754

I say.

755

Endless studies in the book, there's

tons of science and I explain how we

756

perceive threat significantly more often

when our perception of ourselves has.

757

Concern and fear under it being, whether

it's lesser than, or I'm an imposter, I

758

don't belong at the table or people are

going to think I'm not smart or really,

759

I'm better than everybody or right.

760

I need to be seen as a certain way.

761

So we will perceive people not to be on

our team showing up as a lot to say about

762

this, because when we show up truly with

our mirror outward, the larger S self,

763

within our situational and societal

role, as much as our self role, we

764

aren't threatened by others anymore

because suddenly what comes to mind.

765

John is wow.

766

Last time I spoke to Jane, I remember

her telling me her son was sick.

767

And then when you walk into Jane,

you say, Jean, how's your son?

768

And then with the other person,

their mother is, really an elder and

769

they were very, they were missing

work because they had to help her

770

move into the elder care home.

771

And that's when you say

Hey how was the move?

772

And you aren't.

773

And then that person feels care from

you and the entire moment has shifted.

774

So our situational role here is really

important because there's a readiness.

775

There's life is, there's

things that you can plan.

776

I've been meeting at three.

777

I want to show up a certain way.

778

I have my talking points.

779

I have what I've put on, I have,

that's the plan, but life is impromptu

780

because the moment emotion shows

up, your plan is out the door.

781

John: Yeah

782

Marcy Axelrod: So the skill for our

situational role, I use the word

783

readiness and I explain what that means.

784

And it comes from within about how are

you showing up to all of your roles and

785

to everything that's about to go on.

786

And I explain how to prepare for that

such that you're not living a strategy.

787

You're actually living in a tuned,

engaged moment after moment.

788

And that's when you look back and

you just have a sense of meaning

789

and you feel good about who you are.

790

John: I think it's always occurred

to me that If you're trying to be

791

someone or something that isn't

authentic to You the situations are

792

only ever going to chip away at that

793

Marcy Axelrod: Yeah.

794

John: make you feel less than whereas when

you are showing up genuinely you have that

795

flexibility the flow as you say you have

the room to be able to maneuver around

796

because you are in your natural self.

797

There's nothing chipping away at that.

798

You can only really grow It's the I

guess Carol Dweck growth mentality growth

799

mindset kind of concept there it's It's

so important for people to be able to

800

do this and step out of Really just the

presets people are living on automatic.

801

Marcy Axelrod: That's just showing up

802

John: As a slight sidebar.

803

Today's what that was really about.

804

Relates to a lot of Carol Dweck's

work on mindset and having a,

805

the difference between a fixed

mindset and a growth mindset that.

806

The fixed mindset.

807

Thinks that you, you already pretty

much whatever you're going to be.

808

Whatever talent you have, that's

all the talent you have, whatever

809

level of intelligence you have,

810

that's your level of intelligence.

811

That's what you're stuck with.

812

So anything that then.

813

Makes you feel a little less than that

is taking something away from you.

814

The difference is that with a growth

mindset, none of your levels are

815

really set or defined in that kind

of way is much less limited thinking.

816

An example of this would be, if you

get some feedback, maybe as a speaker

817

that might be some elements of your

talk record, or maybe you deliver

818

this talk, maybe you've delivered the

talk specifically for feedback and

819

the feedback isn't generally great,

or maybe you put some jokes in, they

820

didn't land and it wasn't humorous

and people are letting you know that.

821

It can feel.

822

It can feel rough, but if you

have a fixed mindset, you're going

823

to think, oh, that didn't work.

824

I'm never going to try that again.

825

And that was useless.

826

I was crap, whatever.

827

But if you have a growth

mindset thing, okay.

828

That didn't work, but let's work on it.

829

Let's see if I can improve on

that there's room for growth and

830

development, I could do better and

I will be better in the future.

831

So the fixed mindset is very

much a limiting mindset.

832

But growth mindset is very

much an expansive mindset.

833

And that does relate to what

we're talking about here.

834

But back to the episode,

835

Marcy Axelrod: That's just showing up

836

John: Yeah to give that first of all the

awareness or the achievement I should

837

say because that's far more important

and to have that achievement into That

838

there's a better way to be but I know

we're heading towards the end of time

839

and I do think we're going to have

to be back on because there's so many

840

things I still want to discuss with you,

but do you feel that we are all those

841

three levels just at different times?

842

Marcy Axelrod: Absolutely.

843

So the continuum I showed of levels

1, 2, 3 from barely there to just

844

showing up to truly showing up.

845

We're dancing along that

every moment of every day.

846

So maybe, maybe you've

got a good night of sleep.

847

You wake up and all of a sudden

the sun is shining more brightly

848

and you have novel thoughts and

you're level three truly showing up.

849

Your daughter comes down and you're

able to look into her eyes and there

850

is a moment that she'll never forget.

851

And it just happens.

852

That is level three.

853

But then, oh my goodness, I'm

late for my 9am and we then

854

shifted to just showing up mode.

855

Really want to reground us in the fact

that we have two attention systems.

856

We have the right hemisphere,

which is the big picture flowing,

857

relational, presencing, living.

858

And then we have that left system,

which is everything's an object.

859

I'm just getting stuff done.

860

I want to have control over

this and power over that.

861

And this is, the word

of code and abstraction.

862

All of a sudden you're living in a map.

863

The person's a thing.

864

You're not living anymore in the

richness of being full territory.

865

I really want people to understand that.

866

So that gets at what you're

saying about how to leave the

867

whole performative mode behind.

868

And how to truly show up more often

and just choose how you're flowing.

869

Cause we are flowing as you

say, up and down all the time.

870

And so is everything else.

871

So is the news that we see and

what the neighbor chooses to say

872

and everything is showing up.

873

John: it's interesting.

874

And one of the things that I want, we'll

probably have to get to another time,

875

but I'm very aware that there was a

period of my life where I got some help

876

with this, but I wasn't allowing myself

to fully experience my own emotions.

877

I had to consciously try and process them

first to, to know that it would be okay.

878

So I was never really allowing

myself to fully feel my emotions.

879

And I think there was a level of.

880

a level of fear and somewhat control

about that, that once that shifted, it

881

was certainly a strange experience, but

it was utterly transformative to be able

882

to do that and move into experiencing

the world more rather than trying to just

883

make sense of it all and make, trying

to logically make sense of emotions

884

when emotions aren't always logical.

885

Marcy Axelrod: So how did

you get rid of this fear?

886

This sounds transformative, John.

887

John: It was I was at an NLP training

in Dublin and and one of the trainers

888

there did some some neuro linguistic

patterns with me that just helped

889

me to to recognize that's what was

really going on and my, that it

890

was against my own true nature.

891

And that it was just from there that

I started to give myself permission

892

to experience my emotions more

fully but utterly transformative.

893

Marcy Axelrod: So these are word

patterns that you went through?

894

Are you willing to share some of it?

895

John: Oh gosh.

896

I don't think I can even remember now

I did have it ingrained in my memory

897

for years almost exactly what he said

i'd have to look i'd have to look up

898

the word pattern that he used but it

was very clever And and he just like it

899

was just like flicking switch for me.

900

It's like, all yeah, it's

901

Marcy Axelrod: Wow.

902

And is it things like,

903

You are perfect the way you are, right?

904

You don't need to perform a certain way.

905

Yes,

906

John: of a Giving it was more of like

an instruction of in doing the thing

907

that you're doing You are giving

yourself the thing you don't want

908

instead of the thing that you do And

it was more along that kind of line

909

that I remember but i'll have to i'll

have to look it up and Speak again.

910

i'll bring that into the conversation.

911

But it changes everything when we

can actually allow ourselves to be an

912

emotional person and it doesn't mean

it doesn't mean you're gonna Cry all

913

the time or that, you've you can't keep

control of that and far from It just

914

actually means that you can Experience

things it gave me a greater level

915

of flexibility and interacting with

people It gave me a deeper care for the

916

people around me because all of this

is kind of like leading people to I

917

feel leading people to deeper empathy

deeper emotional intelligence, right?

918

It's it's all kind of connected in

919

So I did go and.

920

Check in with my NLP manuals,

which I, which I still have.

921

And so this process came

under what was listed as a.

922

Quantum linguistics, which is.

923

It's kind of a, a bullshit

title, but, uh, nonetheless.

924

Um, this particular technique

for I was referencing was

925

called a behavior destroyer.

926

So the behavior that was being destroyed

was one of feeling the need to process my

927

emotions to keep me safe before I could

allow myself to feel them and therefore

928

never fully experiencing my emotions.

929

So, the technique, when something along

the lines of anything less than let's say.

930

Fully experiencing your

emotions without reserve.

931

Isn't.

932

Protecting yourself.

933

From the full force of your emotions.

934

Isn't it.

935

It's not just about self

protection preservation.

936

Isn't it.

937

Something along those kinds of lights.

938

Now, I don't remember exactly

how that technique was done.

939

With me.

940

I might, I might have it.

941

Written down somewhere,

942

it would take me hours to go through all

those kinds of notes, which we started to

943

have, but that's just for those who are

interested and maybe have studied NLP.

944

That was essentially the

technique that was used on me.

945

Marcy Axelrod: yes.

946

If it's okay, I really want to comment

on that emotional intelligence.

947

When we are whole beings, we don't

separate our emotions from the rest of us.

948

The cognition that we label

with the word intellect

949

is really something we should push

back on because those skills and

950

knowledge that we need to be who we

want to be aren't just inside of us.

951

It's really an all telligence

and that's a show up word.

952

It's part of the show up lexicon.

953

If we just rely and say we need to be

a certain way and it's all about our,

954

ability to think a certain way and it's

all in the frontal lobes, that's actually

955

not right and it leads us to separate

from our intuition and our emotion.

956

We are designed to be intuitive, we are

designed to see a stranger like, far

957

away and sense friend or foe that is.

958

And that is not in words.

959

And it's not right.

960

It is an intuitive thing.

961

That shows up as intuition first,

emotion second, cognition third.

962

So we don't want to live in the cognition

first because we're missing our truth.

963

And then we get all mixed up.

964

So we can't rely on the words

and we can't rely on thoughts.

965

As I said, they're just events.

966

So my sense is that the shift

that you made enabled you

967

to reconnect with your core.

968

This is nature.

969

This is how we're designed to flow.

970

And the more that we can open

to it by creating space, living

971

in a gradualness where we can

just breathe and feel ourselves.

972

Then the care, not the care,

the leadership, the friendship,

973

the meaning just shows.

974

And I explained how this happens.

975

John: Yeah,

976

I def if you are open to it, we de I

definitely would love to have a part two

977

of this conversation because I think that

there's just so much still to explore

978

and this is a really wonderful area that

it is such a simple part or seemingly a

979

simple part that of life that, that so

many of us actually just missing out on.

980

And it is like that, that being people are

people's own lives are passing them by And

981

that's why this is this is so important.

982

I wonder before we do finish today

whether there's whether there is like

983

one simple thing you might be able to

share that could could help somebody to

984

be a little more present to show up a bit

more to show up more level three today I

985

Marcy Axelrod: Yeah.

986

Thank you for asking me that.

987

There is a really simple thing

and it's switching us from our

988

cognitive mind into our bodies.

989

So take two and I have this at

the end of both of my TED talks.

990

I've gotten such good feedback.

991

So you take two fingers, ideally your

right hand, if you're right handed and

992

take out your left palm and you just draw

a three for level three, truly showing up.

993

Really you could draw anything.

994

The point is

995

feel your palm because when

you're doing that, you're

996

switching into your sensing mode.

997

Are you doing this?

998

raise your hand.

999

John: doing it.

00:58:45,867 --> 00:58:46,217

I have it.

00:58:46,247 --> 00:58:47,087

I have it right here.

00:58:47,107 --> 00:58:47,547

I'm doing it.

00:58:47,847 --> 00:58:50,992

Marcy Axelrod: So just stay, don't

listen to me anymore, stay with your

00:58:50,992 --> 00:58:54,022

palm and trace it slowly up and down.

00:58:54,022 --> 00:59:00,412

Trace your three and feel your palm and

what you'll notice is all those fears

00:59:00,682 --> 00:59:06,152

and all those concerns and all the stuff

in your head is gone and you're feeling

00:59:06,152 --> 00:59:13,052

your palm and maybe what arises is, wow,

this is incredible that I can feel this.

00:59:13,552 --> 00:59:14,542

Now you have gratitude.

00:59:15,507 --> 00:59:19,827

But either way, even without that,

you're putting yourself into your body.

00:59:20,367 --> 00:59:24,287

Tapping does this to a certain

extent, yoga is doing the same thing

00:59:24,297 --> 00:59:25,737

because you're feeling your muscles.

00:59:25,757 --> 00:59:27,102

It's putting you into your body.

00:59:27,582 --> 00:59:32,672

Body, and it literally it

shifts how you show up.

00:59:32,692 --> 00:59:36,512

Even if you do this for 10 seconds

and stop, you are showing up

00:59:37,112 --> 00:59:41,802

differently immediately after and

then the next moment is after, right?

00:59:41,802 --> 00:59:45,452

So your situational reality has shifted.

00:59:47,737 --> 00:59:48,347

John: That's awesome.

00:59:48,667 --> 00:59:49,937

It's a really simple tool.

00:59:50,047 --> 00:59:51,817

I could feel that when

I was practicing it.

00:59:51,867 --> 00:59:55,617

And naturally the curve of the hand

fits very well with the three as well.

00:59:55,927 --> 00:59:58,977

But just tuning into that, such a

simple, almost meditative kind of

00:59:58,977 --> 01:00:03,527

technique that does just give you that,

brings you into the present moment.

01:00:03,577 --> 01:00:06,297

I think anything that brings

you more into the present is,

01:00:06,297 --> 01:00:07,537

it's gotta be a good thing.

01:00:07,882 --> 01:00:13,482

I will very much look forward to a

part two because this has been a really

01:00:13,482 --> 01:00:16,862

wonderful conversation and there's

so much more I think we can get to

01:00:16,862 --> 01:00:23,242

with this, if you're good for that,

and we will set that up, but I think

01:00:23,252 --> 01:00:24,722

for our audience for our listener.

01:00:26,612 --> 01:00:32,422

A good opportunity to decide how you're

going to show up today For whatever

01:00:32,422 --> 01:00:34,172

you've got coming after listening to this

01:00:35,947 --> 01:00:36,787

Marcy Axelrod: I love that, John.

01:00:36,787 --> 01:00:37,347

Thank you.

01:00:37,787 --> 01:00:42,137

And you can do this technique, 20 times

a day, a hundred, like any time you

01:00:42,147 --> 01:00:46,057

recognize you're feeling stressed or

you're just going through the motions

01:00:46,057 --> 01:00:50,117

or you feel rushed or irritable or

hungry or angry or irked, any of

01:00:50,117 --> 01:00:54,797

that, that is saying, okay, I need

to just take out my palm and do this.

01:00:54,827 --> 01:00:59,442

And what you'll notice You're

going to exhale and your

01:00:59,452 --> 01:01:01,002

whole body is going to shift.

01:01:02,632 --> 01:01:07,432

John: people can go and get hold of a

copy of your book already and so i've been

01:01:07,432 --> 01:01:08,502

having a good look through that myself.

01:01:08,532 --> 01:01:11,022

So I recommend To go and

get hold of a copy of that.

01:01:11,382 --> 01:01:14,032

And I'll have details in the

show notes for anyone who would

01:01:14,032 --> 01:01:16,452

like to come in, connect with

you and find out more as well.

01:01:16,482 --> 01:01:19,532

So if you want to know more about

Marcy, go and visit the show notes and

01:01:19,532 --> 01:01:23,242

do you'll have all the links you need

there, but just just for me to say,

01:01:23,282 --> 01:01:26,252

Marcy, thank you so much for coming

and being a guest on Present Influence.

01:01:26,892 --> 01:01:28,342

Marcy Axelrod: John,

it's been such an honor.

01:01:28,612 --> 01:01:33,862

Marcy, at the end of the day, we wanted me

to let you know that the book is available

01:01:33,922 --> 01:01:40,282

on Amazon for download as a PDF version

book or e-reader book, but just 99 cents.

01:01:40,432 --> 01:01:43,942

And if you have Kindle unlimited, like

I do, because if you're an avid reader,

01:01:44,212 --> 01:01:47,902

it's a good thing to have, or you can

get all sorts of books I need to, and it

01:01:47,902 --> 01:01:53,152

costs you one set fee a month is available

for free through Kindle unlimited.

01:01:53,152 --> 01:01:57,912

So highly recommend that for kindle

unlimited users go and check it out.

01:01:57,912 --> 01:02:03,222

Now we did do a part two, and I said

at the start, I would share with you.

01:02:03,552 --> 01:02:05,322

How you could access that.

01:02:05,322 --> 01:02:10,182

What you would need to do is come and join

me on the present influence newsletter.

01:02:10,482 --> 01:02:13,602

Which at the moment is on

LinkedIn will seem be available

01:02:13,632 --> 01:02:17,202

to my convert kit subscribers

as well, which is not just kit.

01:02:17,232 --> 01:02:17,682

I believe.

01:02:18,162 --> 01:02:24,192

And so the, for this particular episode,

you will need to be subscribed to the

01:02:24,192 --> 01:02:26,982

present influence newsletter on LinkedIn.

01:02:27,552 --> 01:02:30,252

That is where you'll find

the link to the episode.

01:02:30,282 --> 01:02:34,062

I did really very little

editing to the other episode.

01:02:34,062 --> 01:02:35,472

Just a quick introduction.

01:02:35,802 --> 01:02:37,812

And then just shared the chat with Marcy.

01:02:37,812 --> 01:02:40,842

That is a bonus for anyone

who's enjoyed this conversation.

01:02:41,172 --> 01:02:44,472

And we'd like to hear more of

what Marcy and I talked about.

01:02:44,772 --> 01:02:47,262

We covered a little bit of the

same ground, but we certainly

01:02:47,262 --> 01:02:50,322

went into some more depth and

hit on a few more things as well.

01:02:50,652 --> 01:02:51,642

Interesting area.

01:02:51,942 --> 01:02:55,422

I have my own take on some of

these things as well, but I

01:02:55,422 --> 01:02:56,922

loved what Marcy had to say.

01:02:57,762 --> 01:03:00,882

I'm not one of those people

who's like particularly spiritual

01:03:00,882 --> 01:03:05,662

or religious or things, the,

universe is a conscious thing.

01:03:06,112 --> 01:03:11,122

I certainly believe the universe exists,

but I, yeah, I'm also not arrogant enough

01:03:11,122 --> 01:03:16,432

to think that I have all the answers

about what I believe is necessarily right.

01:03:16,432 --> 01:03:17,722

I just maybe have.

01:03:18,052 --> 01:03:21,592

A little bit of skepticism and I think

that's always a good thing to have.

01:03:22,072 --> 01:03:26,452

There are times though,

where it's useful or helpful.

01:03:26,692 --> 01:03:32,032

To take on a particular belief

just to get something or to make

01:03:32,032 --> 01:03:33,352

something work for yourself.

01:03:33,622 --> 01:03:34,282

I live for example.

01:03:34,912 --> 01:03:38,212

I don't know if I've ever been through,

uh, any kind of 12 step program, but

01:03:38,242 --> 01:03:41,362

generally they tell you to sort of let go

and let God, well, if you don't have any

01:03:41,392 --> 01:03:44,452

kind of, good believers there, they'll

say, oh, In a garden that the universe

01:03:44,452 --> 01:03:45,652

or whatever, whatever you want to do.

01:03:45,922 --> 01:03:49,612

But you need to have some kind of belief

in a higher power beyond yourself.

01:03:50,902 --> 01:03:52,492

Even if you don't have that, if you are.

01:03:52,792 --> 01:03:53,722

Pretty much an atheist.

01:03:54,022 --> 01:03:54,532

I am.

01:03:55,252 --> 01:04:00,502

You can still come up with something

you can still kind of adopt it

01:04:00,772 --> 01:04:02,602

without having to take on the belief.

01:04:02,602 --> 01:04:06,322

So I think there are times when you

can sort of take on a belief because

01:04:06,322 --> 01:04:09,922

it's useful to your, because it

helps to get you a practical result.

01:04:10,552 --> 01:04:12,622

And that's where I am

here with this as well.

01:04:12,712 --> 01:04:15,802

But there are certain words that you

would have had in the episode that are

01:04:15,802 --> 01:04:20,152

very much as Marcy said that the lexicon

of showing up as she has created it.

01:04:20,612 --> 01:04:24,992

For me some of the times that sort of

personalized lexicon can make things

01:04:24,992 --> 01:04:29,042

a little harder to access for people,

but I get very much where she's going

01:04:29,042 --> 01:04:32,221

with and I don't think it was, I

don't think it was overly complicated.

01:04:32,792 --> 01:04:36,982

But I prefer myself to keep things in

the realm of language that we commonly

01:04:36,982 --> 01:04:42,942

use rather than creating a lexicon

that is specific to what I talk about.

01:04:43,042 --> 01:04:45,142

That's my own personal preferences

on my thoughts on this.

01:04:45,512 --> 01:04:50,762

I think that potentially there are

many levels of how we show up and there

01:04:50,762 --> 01:04:54,572

are many different ways to look at

that, but I did find the conversation

01:04:54,572 --> 01:04:56,162

valuable and I hope you did too.

01:04:56,172 --> 01:05:00,792

I will be back next time with an episode

where I'm going to be introducing the

01:05:00,822 --> 01:05:05,292

stories that I'm going to be putting

into my own keynote presentation.

01:05:05,622 --> 01:05:08,862

So I'll actually be spending a little

bit of time talking about why I've chosen

01:05:08,862 --> 01:05:11,592

those stories, how I've constructed them.

01:05:11,592 --> 01:05:14,482

They're going to be works in progress

as well, showing you how they

01:05:14,512 --> 01:05:16,282

fit into the keynote as a whole.

01:05:16,732 --> 01:05:20,212

As part of my keynote

creation process series.

01:05:20,542 --> 01:05:23,762

So, if you've been following that,

then that's something hopefully to look

01:05:23,762 --> 01:05:27,482

forward to, if you haven't, you can go

and check out those previous episodes

01:05:27,562 --> 01:05:29,922

in the present influence back catalog.

01:05:30,295 --> 01:05:31,945

Also, I'd just like to

share with you right now.

01:05:32,005 --> 01:05:33,865

Finally got back to working on my book.

01:05:34,135 --> 01:05:35,305

It's a work in progress.

01:05:35,425 --> 01:05:38,995

The first third of the

book is pretty much done,

01:05:39,385 --> 01:05:40,975

and I think probably in the new year.

01:05:41,305 --> 01:05:44,465

I'll be ready to publish it

and share it with you all.

01:05:44,515 --> 01:05:44,785

So.

01:05:45,295 --> 01:05:47,485

I'll keep you posted on the

progress with that as well.

01:05:47,815 --> 01:05:51,115

Lots going on in Present

Influence world, and hopefully

01:05:51,115 --> 01:05:52,465

it's going on for you as well.

01:05:52,825 --> 01:05:57,685

If you'd like to know about how you can

work with me then please do get in touch.

01:05:57,865 --> 01:06:00,955

You can email me,

john@presentinfluence.com.

01:06:01,225 --> 01:06:03,505

Or connected me through LinkedIn.

01:06:03,565 --> 01:06:06,985

I tend to spend a lot of time there and

you'll probably see I'm pretty active.

01:06:07,195 --> 01:06:10,315

And if you're going to check out

the newsletter, well, why not stop

01:06:10,345 --> 01:06:12,085

and say hello whilst you're there.

01:06:12,985 --> 01:06:15,895

That's pretty much it for this week, but

I hope you'll come and join me again.

01:06:15,925 --> 01:06:18,515

I'm if you haven't already,

please subscribe to the show, and

01:06:18,525 --> 01:06:21,735

wherever you're going, whatever

you're doing have an amazing week.

01:06:21,885 --> 01:06:22,605

See you next time.