What happens when life, other people, and the expectations around you make it harder to pursue the life you want?

In this episode of Surfing Your Edge, Kristine explores the external pressures that can keep us stuck in the shallows—from “reality-sizing” our dreams and following society’s expectations to navigating the well-meaning fears of the people who love us most.

You’ll discover why growth can feel uncomfortable, how to recognize the voices encouraging you to stay safe, and why it matters to question the rules and assumptions shaping your choices. If you’ve ever felt torn between who you’ve always been and who you’re becoming, this episode will encourage you to keep surfing your edge, navigate uncertainty, and seek out people who believe in what is possible for you.

Free Gift

Surf Your Edge: From Fear to Freedom - This complete chapter from Confident You: The Raw Conversations traces two adventures, twenty years apart, and explores fear, identity, and why the real work of a life-changing experience begins after you come home. https://tinyurl.com/SYEgift

The Shift Beneath the Words:

• Life and society encourage us to "play it safe."
• Growth often happens at the edge of your comfort zone.
• Other people can unintentionally limit what feels possible.
• Question the rules and expectations around you.
• Find people who support your growth.

Moving through life’s obstacles isn’t about avoiding discomfort. It’s about learning which voices and expectations deserve your attention—and continuing to choose growth even when the people and world around you don’t fully understand where you’re going.

About the Host:

Kristine Goad is endlessly curious about the moment when “I could never” becomes “What if I tried?” As the Surfing Your Edge Coach, her work centers on transforming our relationship with fear, trusting ourselves more deeply, and creating lives that feel bigger, bolder, and more fully our own. Her approach blends coaching, mental fitness, adventure, experimentation, and wonder—shaped by a life that has included bicycling across America, writing a memoir, building a business, and taking surf lessons to overcome her fear of open water in her late 40s. She is less interested in fearless living than in what becomes possible when we get curious about the things that scare us.

Connect with Kristine:

Substack: kristine.substack.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/kristinegoad

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/kristinegoad

Instagram: www.instagram.com/kristine.goad

YouTube: www.youtube.com/@KristineGoad

Website: kristinegoad.com

Download your free gift:

Surf Your Edge: From Fear to Freedom

This complete chapter from Confident You: The Raw Conversations traces two adventures, twenty years apart, and explores fear, identity, and why the real work of a life-changing experience begins after you come home.

Link: https://tinyurl.com/SYEgift

The Surfing Your Edge Podcast is proud to be on the Inspired Speaker Network.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Don’t forget to follow, rate & review. It helps us reach more people who want to create positive change in the world, like you.

Check out More Shows from the Network at https://inspiredspeakernetwork.com

Music from #Uppbeat

https://uppbeat.io/t/dan-phillipson/moments

License code: 5YJ8DYBGGEBGSXMY

Music from #Uppbeat

https://uppbeat.io/t/kurtz-martin/a-better-world

License code: 68OSWEGXI8YJBDMR

Your travels have brought you to the Surfing Your Edge podcast,

where we explore what it takes to create the bigger,

bolder, badass life you know you were born for.

Not a life that simply looks good on paper,

and not another spin on the self-help hamster wheel.

If you're ready for more joy, more peace, and more contribution,

you're in the right place.

I'm Kristine Goad, the Surfing Your Edge coach.

Let's get surfing.

Hello, and welcome to episode four of Surfing Your Edge.

I'm so glad to have you here today.

We are talking again about what it means to surf your edge,

and the challenges that can get in the way.

One of the ways I think about surfing your edge is,

for me personally, it's when I'm in over my head

and having to figure out something.

That's where I really, really thrive.

And I know not everybody is in that same boat.

They don't always want to have to be hanging on by their fingernails

and figuring it out.

But if you can be out on the edge of where you're growing,

where the growth is happening,

and stay there as long as you can,

longer than you might want to,

longer than feels comfortable,

that's what I really mean by surfing your edge.

And of course, the reason you want to do that

is so that you're always evolving.

I figure if you're here, you've got more to do,

more to learn, more to be.

And the way to do that is to surf your edge

and continually try new things.

And that's also going to mean failing sometimes.

One of the things about this podcast,

I started it really, really fast before I was ready.

And that's probably obvious.

But I just want you to know that I am surfing my edge

right along here beside you.

I don't claim to have it all figured out.

I am just here figuring it out as I go

and figuring it out in public.

So you can learn from what you see me do.

What to do, what not to do, maybe.

But today, we want to talk a little bit about

what in the world gets in our way of surfing our edges.

The last episode, we talked about internal things

that get in the way.

Today, let's talk about what out in the world

slows us down and keeps us from surfing that edge.

Okay, the first thing I want to share

is that a lot of times we, as middle-aged adults or older,

have learned to reality-size our dreams.

When we were kids, we could dream anything was possible.

And adults seem to encourage that in us, right?

But then as we got older, it became more about,

oh, that's not realistic.

Or, oh, that's not suited for you, honey.

Your skills lie over here.

You don't want to do this, right?

So we start to get steered into a box or a lane.

And we tend to learn the rules of that box or that lane.

And the world tries to enforce that we stay there.

And one part of that I call reality-sizing, right?

We don't want to look,

we don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves, right?

We also don't want to outshine someone else.

We don't want to look too proud, right?

Like, oh, look at me.

And we also don't want to look ungrateful.

This one is huge.

There are so many women I know who are afraid to think about

what a bigger, bolder, more badass life might look like,

because they're afraid it makes them look ungrateful

for what they've already got.

And that's just not the case.

You can be super grateful for everything you've got

and recognize all the goodness

and still know that there's more for you to do,

more for you to give, more for you to have.

So what we've learned to do is look around

and see what everyone else is doing,

and then kind of like, well, maybe I could do that,

but just put my own little twist on it over here, right?

We want to end, or maybe I can't go for this,

but maybe if I went for this, that would be acceptable, right?

We learn to look around and see what everyone else is doing

and then make appropriate goals or visions or dreams.

And we don't let ourselves fully explore

what is out there for us.

And I want to tell you that that is not my goal for you.

I really want you to make the impossible goal and go for it.

And if you get there, amazing.

And if you don't, you're going to end up somewhere incredible,

regardless, right?

So I will be here on this podcast,

always encouraging you to stop reality sizing

and to go for the impossible goal.

It just, it's more fun, right?

The other thing that happens, aside from us, you know,

learning to look around and reality size,

is that there are people out there who are enforcers

that are be like, oh, that's not the way it's done.

Look around the industry.

That's not the way it's done.

Everybody does it this way.

You need to do it this way.

I was in an organization, my first big job out of college,

I was in a social change organization.

And when I brought to the management of, you know,

my local management, my direct bosses,

some of the things I thought we could do to improve

as a culture, they're like, oh no,

it's always been done this way.

We've always done it that way.

I went through it.

They went through it.

Everybody else got through it.

Why can't you get through it?

The problem is not us, it's you.

So even change organizations have a hard time, you know,

recognizing that they're enforcing a set standard.

So there are all kinds of people out there

who are going to tell you, you can't do it that way.

It's never been done.

Don't do it that way.

Oh, and they'll act like they're trying to save you, right?

Like, oh honey, that is too hard a road.

Don't go there.

Don't do it that way.

You don't need to go through that kind of pain.

So let's just do it the way everybody else has always done it

and we'll all stay safe.

And then finally, this is another one.

Those enforcers are often the people who love us most

or the people we love the most.

They have gotten used to us being a certain way

and that makes us safe for them, right?

They know pretty much what to expect

and they don't want to have to adapt alongside you.

They might be afraid that you're going to get hurt,

that you're going to be disappointed,

that you're going to lose money or time

or whatever it is that is at risk.

They're potentially truly afraid for you,

but they also, I think, are concerned that

when you start looking at yourself

and start trying to grow in your way,

that you're going to expect them to grow as well or to change

and that can be painful

and not everyone is willing and able to look at themselves

and decide that they want to come along too

and they're worried they're going to get left behind.

And in some cases, they might leave you

before you're able to leave them

just proactively to protect themselves.

So serving your edge is not for the faint of heart.

It is a challenging thing.

The world wants us.

Much of the world wants us to stay the way we are.

So if you are in this boat

and you're starting to realize that there are things

that you want that it might be hard for you to go get

or to try,

I want to suggest that there are ways to do it

and there are people who will support you.

Sometimes it's a matter of finding a new group of friends,

a new coach, a new online community,

someone who isn't as married to you being who you've always been

and who can really help hold that vision of who you might become.

The other thing is that you may not know what it is,

what your edge is.

You may not know what it is that will light you up

and you need friends along the way

who will help you explore it

and give you the opportunity to really feel into

what is going to light you up.

So that is what I have to say today about the world.

And I really do want to just give you a little bit of encouragement

that it's totally worth it

and I look forward to surfing my edge right alongside you.