Stress is created from the mind, not from the outside world. If that’s true, how can we stop listening to the unhelpful stories our minds tell us?
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FrogFest Virtual – The Boundary Hunters
Tuesday 25th November
Stress is a response to a situation, not the situation itself.
Speaker:So if you are stressed out, that's your mind playing out a story that
Speaker:you are choosing to watch, like a scary film or a tense drama.
Speaker:At least that's how this week's guest approaches stress.
Speaker:This week, Gilles P Croft makes his fifth appearance on You Are Not a Frog to talk
Speaker:about the mind and the way it shapes the way we respond in all sorts of situations.
Speaker:Now, no one likes being told that our experiences are all in the mind,
Speaker:especially when we're working in a very strained and stress system and
Speaker:we're trying to care for our patients whilst do the best for our colleagues
Speaker:and balance our own wellbeing.
Speaker:So I really wanted to push Giles on some of the practical
Speaker:aspects of his point of view.
Speaker:And if you've heard our other episodes with John C Parkin, you'll
Speaker:know that I'm a big fan of saying f it in stressful situations.
Speaker:But Giles takes a different tack, and invites us to see that stress
Speaker:isn't something we experience from the outside world, but it's
Speaker:a reaction to our own thinking.
Speaker:Now, Giles is a former surgeon and he takes a very specific
Speaker:view on how to manage stress.
Speaker:One that not everybody will agree with, but it's definitely worth considering.
Speaker:So listen to find out if you agree with him or if you don't, and email
Speaker:me at hello@youarenotafrog.com.
Speaker:And let me know what landed with you and what didn't.
Speaker:So now take a few moments for yourself and enjoy my conversation
Speaker:with Dr. Giles P Croft.
Speaker:If you're in a high stress, high stakes, still blank medicine, and you're feeling
Speaker:stressed or overwhelmed, burning out or getting out are not your only options.
Speaker:I'm Dr. Rachel Morris, and welcome to You Are Not a Frog.
Speaker:I'm Giles P Croft.
Speaker:I'm a former NHS doctor, who now, um, is a writer, a speaker, and,
Speaker:a coach and workshop facilitator.
Speaker:it is wonderful to have you back again on the podcast, Giles.
Speaker:I mean, how many times have you been on?
Speaker:Is number five.
Speaker:Have I got the record yet?
Speaker:Ooh.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:You may have, you're, you're up there.
Speaker:You're definitely up there.
Speaker:And Giles, it's, I wanted to get you back, several reasons, but one of
Speaker:the reasons is when we're talking to people about, you know, how to have a
Speaker:job in which they thrive, how to work happier, how to beat burnout, there
Speaker:are plenty of objections that come up.
Speaker:You know, if I don't do it, who else will being, being one of them.
Speaker:And we'll get to those later.
Speaker:And I think in a lot of these issues of resilience and thriving
Speaker:at work, it's really good to look at things from different
Speaker:viewpoints and different aspects.
Speaker:So firstly, why do you think your viewpoint is, is different
Speaker:from many other people's?
Speaker:Well, for me, the, biggest leverage point going is to better understand the nature
Speaker:of the experience that we're having.
Speaker:Because when it all boils down to it, an experience is all we get.
Speaker:You are like moment to moment, an experience like you and I are having
Speaker:an experience of this podcast.
Speaker:And to really have a better understanding of.
Speaker:How that experience is put together means that we can really,
Speaker:we can really work with it.
Speaker:We can, we don't, we don't have to find it.
Speaker:I've been thinking quite a lot recently about the old Buddhist, I think sort
Speaker:of, um, saying, or proverb is not really a proverb, just the, the analogy of
Speaker:taking that second arrow about like something happens, which is bad enough.
Speaker:Say you, I've got a can of coke next to me, spill a can of coke all over my lap.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So that, that's bad enough in itself.
Speaker:I'm wet and I'm cold.
Speaker:But then the second arrow would be like getting really upset about being wet and
Speaker:cold and, you know, being really cross about the fact that I've stained my nice
Speaker:white t-shirt and all that sort of thing.
Speaker:So we are adding layers of suffering onto what's already happening,
Speaker:um, and creating more suffering.
Speaker:And I think me and you differ a little bit.
Speaker:I think your, your view is that actually if, and I'm quoting you and
Speaker:I'm probably gonna get this wrong, so please correct me that actually you
Speaker:can get rid of suffering pretty much completely by changing your experience
Speaker:of it and just actually not adding that second arrow, that second layer onto it.
Speaker:Yeah, it's, it's, again, it's, it's, it's seeing clearly the way that things are.
Speaker:It, it, it's seeing that yeah, things are as they are, there's always loads
Speaker:of stuff happening that we don't want.
Speaker:And, and the, the reason is, is that, that it's the mind that's creating
Speaker:the story about what it wants.
Speaker:It's the mind very, very naturally and, uh, and, you know, reasonably not
Speaker:expecting Coke to be on your top and in your lap, but you know, there cold.
Speaker:But you might, it might be a bit more subtle than that.
Speaker:You might pick it up and it might not be ice cold.
Speaker:And I might be, ah, you know, there's just that little moment of reality, not
Speaker:meeting the mind's expectations of like, oh, I was really, I was really hoping this
Speaker:might be this, this might be ice cold.
Speaker:And, um, it, it's, to really see that we've got this constant, uh, narration
Speaker:from the mind and it's, it's meeting reality in all of these different moments,
Speaker:in all of these di different situations.
Speaker:And 99 times out of a hundred, it's not gonna get what it wants.
Speaker:You, you know, it's not, things aren't gonna turn out the way
Speaker:that the mind, the mind wants.
Speaker:The way that the mind wants things is all based on our conditioning and what
Speaker:we've learned and what we've consumed in the media and, you know, the values that
Speaker:we've learned over time and everything.
Speaker:And, uh, chances are that those values aren't gonna be met.
Speaker:Um, and when they are met, it, it feels like, okay, well things
Speaker:are going my way, i'm in control.
Speaker:And I suppose I would invite viewers to, um, to consider, well, what,
Speaker:what if that wasn't the case?
Speaker:What if it was more a case of the mind's expectations have been met in
Speaker:this instance, therefore it stopped complaining for a little bit, you know,
Speaker:it stopped making a big deal about stuff.
Speaker:And when the mind stops complaining and it stops making a big deal about stuff, then
Speaker:we have an experience that's a a little bit closer to reality, shall we say?
Speaker:We're, we're, we're able to see things a bit more clearly.
Speaker:We are, we're able to be a bit more present to the actual situation.
Speaker:We're able to be a bit more, have more of an experience of being connected
Speaker:to life itself and all of all the, all the good things that it has to offer.
Speaker:That is the thing, isn't it about stress?
Speaker:I've heard that a a, a stress equation or, or a happiness equation actually is
Speaker:equals sort of reality minus expectations.
Speaker:So if your expectations are massive about this should happen and the realities it
Speaker:doesn't, or I think stress, so that's happiness is reality minus expectations.
Speaker:Um, stress is resources minus demands.
Speaker:So I've got enough resources to meet this, oh, the demands are fine.
Speaker:I'm not stressed.
Speaker:Oh, the demands suddenly e exceed the resources, i'm suddenly feeling stressed.
Speaker:And a lot of us focus on trying to change, I guess the reality actually, I've gotta
Speaker:change the reality or I've got to change the, um, the demands rather than actually
Speaker:changing what our expectations are or changing our view of the expectations.
Speaker:Would, would that solve things?
Speaker:Yeah, well that, and that, you know, that that's difficult in the NHS, isn't it?
Speaker:Because, we, we've all butted up against this, uh, and it's the,
Speaker:it's the source of, uh, what they call moral injury, isn't it?
Speaker:Is that, you know, we have a, we have an expectation.
Speaker:We, you know, we train for years.
Speaker:We, we come through medical school, we learn all this stuff in textbooks.
Speaker:We, we, we want to do our best, we want to help.
Speaker:And then the reality of the situation is that the whole system's a bit
Speaker:broken and it's falling apart and it's under resourced and, and, and, and
Speaker:everyone's, everyone's struggling.
Speaker:And so, um, it, you know, it gets to a point where, to a degree, you are
Speaker:able to, to, depending on your level of seniority, change the environment
Speaker:a bit, but then it gets to a point where you can't, and, and that's where,
Speaker:that's where it's breaking point.
Speaker:And I mean, I like the, the, the first definition, what
Speaker:was it you said it was, it.
Speaker:Happiness is reality minus expectations.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You, you know, to, to see things clearly is to see that, okay, now my
Speaker:expectations here are absolutely, you know, they're, they're rock solid.
Speaker:They're that this, they're, that this patient should
Speaker:get the best care available.
Speaker:You know, they're the, this patient should live.
Speaker:They're the, this patient shouldn't be sat in pain a chair as opposed
Speaker:to, you know, admitted to ward ,getting the treatment that they need.
Speaker:Those are perfectly reasonable expectations.
Speaker:But to see that the, the, the suffering that, that we experience
Speaker:does actually come from that mismatch between expectations and reality.
Speaker:And I'm sure that many of you listeners will have had the experience of, you
Speaker:know, depending on the, the frame of mind that they're in, when, when they
Speaker:experience a situation like that, that they'll either be incredibly
Speaker:disheartened or, or very angry or, you know, filling in forms and writing
Speaker:letters and making phone calls and stuff.
Speaker:Or being like really, really feeling really connected to their patients
Speaker:and, uh, and feeling great empathy for their situation and saying, look,
Speaker:I know, I know this, this sucks.
Speaker:You know, this isn't the best that we can be doing for you.
Speaker:However, this is what we've got to deal with at the moment, okay?
Speaker:This is, this is the best that we've got.
Speaker:Internally it's like, well, this isn't my problem.
Speaker:This is the system here.
Speaker:This is the system that's broken, not me.
Speaker:And, and absolutely doing the best that we can in, in, in that moment.
Speaker:Because to see that, it doesn't help to be caught up in the stories.
Speaker:It doesn't help to be caught up in the expectations if we can do something
Speaker:about it, sure, that's brilliant.
Speaker:But as we're finding more and more in the NHS, we can't do anything about a
Speaker:lot of these things, that that doesn't automatically mean that there has to be
Speaker:an experience of suffering and stress.
Speaker:It's interesting that you've mentioned moral injury because that, uh, we had
Speaker:Dr. Paula Redmond on the podcast a few weeks ago talking about one of the,
Speaker:you know, the three different types.
Speaker:Actually, she talks about five different types of burnout, and one
Speaker:of them is to do with moral injury.
Speaker:So it is not an overwhelm type burnout, it's a real sort of compassion fatigue
Speaker:or empathetic burnout type of thing.
Speaker:Would you then say that one of the, the cures for that is just
Speaker:learning to, to detach and see it as just a, the mind's expectation?
Speaker:I don't know Rachel, like, you know, I often have little kind of like,
Speaker:thought exercises of, well, what, what, what would Giles of 2025 be like in
Speaker:a, the old environment that I used to be in when I, when I was in surgery?
Speaker:But yeah, I think just to, to have a knowledge of self, to have an, to have
Speaker:a, a, a real understanding of what it is we're up against moment to moment.
Speaker:We're, we are not up against the NHS, we are not up against patients,
Speaker:we are not up against colleagues.
Speaker:We're, we're up against our mind essentially.
Speaker:We're up against the, the image of, of that that is
Speaker:being created moment to moment.
Speaker:And just having an appreciation of that gives us that little
Speaker:bit of, of, of breathing space.
Speaker:It gives us that, it, it, it allows us to get a little bit
Speaker:of distance from the stories.
Speaker:I mean, I think that, um, that, like my fa I'm sure I've jotted this one
Speaker:out before Rachel, but my favorite quote on stress comes from, comes
Speaker:from Richard Carlson and, and author of, um, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
Speaker:And he said, your, the, your experience to stress will be exactly the
Speaker:amount of your tolerance to stress.
Speaker:So we all think that it's important to, well, if I could just
Speaker:tolerate more stress, I'd be okay.
Speaker:But, but almost by definition, the amount of stress that we can tolerate
Speaker:is the amount that we will experience.
Speaker:I have an incredibly low tolerance for stress these days.
Speaker:If I, I think stress is such a, such a helpful, um, indicator of when I've got
Speaker:caught up in those expectations, when I've got caught up in those stories
Speaker:when I'm not seeing life clearly.
Speaker:It's a, it is a really helpful reminder.
Speaker:It's like, oh, you know, for a minute.
Speaker:Then, you know, I thought, I thought that, that my, my feelings were coming
Speaker:from, from this environment that I'm in, and, and they're not, it's, it's coming
Speaker:from this, this thought created image that's being created moment to moment,
Speaker:and that, that just gives us a bit of breathing space, that allows us to, to,
Speaker:to let go of the stories, to let go of the expectations a little bit and, and,
Speaker:you know, see, see things with clarity.
Speaker:How they are.
Speaker:Right, what's my next step?
Speaker:What's the one, what's my next physical action I can take here?
Speaker:You know, it's, it's very practical.
Speaker:It's very practical.
Speaker:Is there anything I can do in this situation?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Okay, then.
Speaker:So you are saying that's a very interesting quote about stress,
Speaker:that you will experience the amount of stress that you're prepared to
Speaker:tolerate, and you are saying, well, you are not prepared to tolerate stress.
Speaker:Therefore, when a stressful event happens, what do you do?
Speaker:What do you do?
Speaker:Do
Speaker:Well, I, it, it, it's understanding that there's no such thing
Speaker:as a stressful event, Rachel, like, events don't hold stress
Speaker:it's like, for instance, if you, if you were to, go to the cinema and watch
Speaker:a film that was, Let's say it was a really scary film and you felt really,
Speaker:really scared when you were watching it.
Speaker:Now if you slow down a little bit and you examine what's actually going on here, you
Speaker:know how we actually experience a film.
Speaker:A, a, a film is no more than some dancing dots of light on a plain
Speaker:white background that we call pixels.
Speaker:And the visual system picks those up.
Speaker:And it's also some, some sound, which is, which is, is variations in air
Speaker:pressure coming out of the speakers that we can't see in the cinema.
Speaker:And, um, for other things there's also, you know, there's a, there's a
Speaker:sensation to, to, to an experience.
Speaker:There's a, you know, there's, you might be able to feel the chair that you are in or
Speaker:something, or feel, feel the temperature.
Speaker:And all, all of that data, that's all coming in.
Speaker:The data that comes into our eyes comes in as a different speed to
Speaker:the data that comes into our ears.
Speaker:And, and like nerve peripheral, nerve conduction's really slow
Speaker:in comparison to everything else.
Speaker:But, that's all created within, into an experience.
Speaker:So the, the film itself isn't scary.
Speaker:Just like a situation itself isn't stressful, which is why, you know,
Speaker:two people can be in exactly the same situation and one of them doesn't
Speaker:seem to be bothered by it and the other one is profoundly stressed by.
Speaker:It's because stress isn't held within situations.
Speaker:Life doesn't inherently contain meaning, by, you know, by definition.
Speaker:It just is, and it's, it's us having this human experience that's cooking up this
Speaker:perceptual experience within, and it's all mixed in with those expectations and
Speaker:our understanding and our learning and our upbringing and all that kind of stuff to
Speaker:present us with what looks like reality.
Speaker:And again, I would say, you know, the, the, the, the greatest leverage that
Speaker:we get in all of these kind of like downstream situations like, you know,
Speaker:difficult situations at work and scary films and stuff, and it, it is to really
Speaker:understand what's going on upstream.
Speaker:It's like, oh, this experience that I'm having is real, sure it's real.
Speaker:Look, I can feel the, I can feel my pulse racing.
Speaker:I can, I can feel the, uh, feel the adrenaline of this situation.
Speaker:I can feel the way that my body's responding to it.
Speaker:But it's not true.
Speaker:It's real, but it's not true.
Speaker:It's a, it's a creation of the mind, like by definition at the level of
Speaker:principle, it's a creation of the mind.
Speaker:We're all kinda like walking around in these, these little separate, apparently
Speaker:separate realities, you know, having our own little experience of things.
Speaker:Which is why you can go to the cinema with your partner and you can think it's the
Speaker:most fun, exciting film you've ever seen.
Speaker:And they're like, they're, and they're asleep next to you.
Speaker:It's like, well, what's going on there?
Speaker:And you know, this is what I encourage my clients to do.
Speaker:And with workshops and stuff, it's like, well, hang on a minute.
Speaker:Let's just slow down for a bit and let's just start questioning these
Speaker:basic assumptions of what we think it is that we're experiencing.
Speaker:Because I've seen time and time and time again that when people get a bit
Speaker:more of a handle on the nature of that experience, then the experience changes.
Speaker:And I can see that in a very abstract thing.
Speaker:I can, I can imagine sort of sitting in a workshop and that example
Speaker:of a film is, is really powerful.
Speaker:Yeah, 'cause it's a hundred percent your senses, isn't it?
Speaker:And it's nothing that's happening.
Speaker:You know, you are not in any danger 'cause you're sat in a cinema or whatever.
Speaker:But I'm just thinking if you are, you've got to the train station, you're at King's
Speaker:Cross trying to get back to Cambridge.
Speaker:All the trains are canceled.
Speaker:You've lost your wallet, you've lost your phone, you can't get home,
Speaker:you've got nowhere of contacting people and you might be having to
Speaker:like spend the night in the station, cold, hungry, dangerous, whatever.
Speaker:That is a physical threat.
Speaker:That's a real physical threat to you.
Speaker:Yeah, and, and brilliantly the, the, you know, the human system is set up
Speaker:fantastically to deal with that stuff.
Speaker:You know, we're like peak human.
Speaker:We are a, we're a number one species on earth, allegedly.
Speaker:It's hard to believe sometimes, but yeah, we're absolutely,
Speaker:I think, I think overall, Rachel, you know, the, like the, the organism's prime
Speaker:directive is to stay alive and, and it will do whatever it takes to fulfill that.
Speaker:So in that situation, like if someone, if someone throws a punch at us, we've
Speaker:got these things called reflexes and, and, and we'll get out of the way.
Speaker:If we were to stand by the side of a road, a busy road and deliberately just try and
Speaker:like look at our feet instead of looking at the traffic as we cross the road,
Speaker:we'd, we'd have a real visceral sensation of that being really, really dangerous.
Speaker:That stuff's built in.
Speaker:That's brilliant.
Speaker:That's like, let's keep the organism alive.
Speaker:Which is why like when you go somewhere, like, I dunno what it's like these
Speaker:days, but when I went to Vietnam for my elective, like one of the most difficult
Speaker:things to do was to cross the road because what you had to do was actually just
Speaker:look at your feet because the traffic would go, you know, all these bicycles
Speaker:and mopeds would just go range you.
Speaker:And if you actually made eye contact with anyone, they were more
Speaker:likely to smash into you 'cause they weren't used to it at all.
Speaker:So, yeah, and that just goes to show that, there are cultural differences as well.
Speaker:You know, what's, whose ex who's experience is true there, Rachel?
Speaker:Is it, is it mine of crossing the road or is it the person whose country I'm in, uh,
Speaker:when, when they're driving down the road?
Speaker:The whole things just, it's all, it's all mind created.
Speaker:So yeah, in in situations of physical threat.
Speaker:the system, the human operating system will be at its best.
Speaker:It will, it will do whatever it can.
Speaker:And, and I would argue that, the best way for it to achieve those
Speaker:goals is for us not to be caught up in a whole load of thinking.
Speaker:You know, if you were in that situation, when do you think you would make your best
Speaker:decisions to get out of that situation?
Speaker:Do you think you'd make good, better decisions if you were kind of like present
Speaker:and clear minded and, and not caught up in a whole bunch of expectations?
Speaker:Or do you think you'd make better decisions if you were like panicking and
Speaker:running around like a headless chicken?
Speaker:I get that.
Speaker:I get that.
Speaker:And you can sort of really see that with the, the physical
Speaker:survival thing, can't you?
Speaker:So it's like, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm not gonna just step out into the road
Speaker:without, without looking, 'cause that would be really dangerous, currently
Speaker:here, uh, in England where I live.
Speaker:So you can see the physical stuff when it comes to moral injury, that is all about
Speaker:compassion for other people, isn't it?
Speaker:It it, it's empathy and compassion, which isn't so much
Speaker:about our own survival, is it?
Speaker:But it is quite hardwired into us.
Speaker:Well, it's, I guess, hardwired into some people more than other people.
Speaker:Other people seem to have no compassion or empathy for, for others.
Speaker:So how does that work?
Speaker:Because I can sit there and go, okay, it's, it's just an experience I'm having
Speaker:that that patient can't get the help that they need because of flaws in the system.
Speaker:But in reality, I've got that patient in front of me really upset
Speaker:with a health condition that's deteriorating, and it feels awful to me.
Speaker:How do I, how do I square that up with, oh, well this is just an
Speaker:experience I'm having my, uh, and, and my thinking's making it worse?
Speaker:I don't, I don't think we get to choose Rachel.
Speaker:I don't think we get to choose.
Speaker:I don't think there's anything that we can do in situations like that.
Speaker:Oh, it's like that Wayne Dyer quote, isn't it?
Speaker:When you change the way you look at things, the, the, the things you look at
Speaker:change, it means that the situation that you are in will actually be different
Speaker:from the one, you know, you and I are sat here in the comfort of our, our,
Speaker:our offices at the moment, having a, having a conversation, and we're creating
Speaker:mental images of a future that, that may, that's unlikely for us to exist.
Speaker:You know, it is in itself a story, and what we are trying to do is I,
Speaker:is to put ourselves in that story and manage that situation, and manage
Speaker:our experience of it, or manage it on behalf of our listeners and it,
Speaker:and it's all stories, all thought.
Speaker:I mean, I I, I do get this with clients where they've, they like, they've, they,
Speaker:they've really seen something around this and like the way the world's lifted off
Speaker:their shoulder, it's like, oh my god, you know, it's like, it's, it's, it's thought.
Speaker:It's like, it's not the situation.
Speaker:It's, it's my mind's response to the situation that's the issue.
Speaker:And there's something about that that like really, like, gives this space.
Speaker:And so we'll be like, do I do a lot of my coaching out outdoors, and we'll be,
Speaker:we'll be like, I remember wandering down the canal with the client and they'd
Speaker:had the most wonderful realization about the nature of their problems and how
Speaker:they weren't really problems at all.
Speaker:It was just the, the mind chattering away, making it into a problem.
Speaker:And then it started up again, but it started up again in a, in a way that
Speaker:was a, that was subtly different and it was unrecognizable as thought because
Speaker:it was a little bit along those lines.
Speaker:It was a little bit along the lines of, now this is all well and good
Speaker:Giles, and right here, right now, I can see everything with clarity.
Speaker:I don't have any problem with any of this at all.
Speaker:I can see life really, really clearly.
Speaker:But what about next week when I'm not seeing, and it, and it's like,
Speaker:oh, hello, hello, mind, you've made an, you've reappeared again.
Speaker:And, and it, and it's something that like, really looks like a legitimate
Speaker:problem, but again, it's just, it's just the mind getting revved back up again.
Speaker:Because I think it was E, Eckhart Toll said that, you know, the guy
Speaker:who wrote the, the, the Power of Now it's like the, the mind makes
Speaker:an enemy of the present moment.
Speaker:Like it's not required in the present moment, the mind.
Speaker:So it makes an enemy of it.
Speaker:It doesn't like us being, 'cause it's like, oh, well hang on a minute.
Speaker:I'm out of a job here.
Speaker:I'll tell you what I'll do.
Speaker:I'll create a story about next week and we'll see how, see how we
Speaker:can problem solve that one away.
Speaker:It's just more mind activity.
Speaker:I, I get that and I'm responsible for doing that, but there's
Speaker:a, I've got more yes buts.
Speaker:The more you talk, the more yes buts I've got, which is helpful.
Speaker:Um, that's all well and good, like we wanna, we wanna avoid the stress, but if
Speaker:we're trying to avoid the mind, 'cause the mind's not helpful, then won't we
Speaker:miss out on the good stuff as well?
Speaker:Won't we miss out on the happiness and the love and that 'cause all of that
Speaker:is just thinking as well, isn't it?
Speaker:what, why?
Speaker:Why would you do that?
Speaker:Again, it's like, it's more just like, there are absolutely no rules here.
Speaker:None of this is prescriptive.
Speaker:Like when I start my courses, I put up two disclaimers and I think
Speaker:the first disclaimer is something that says, um, this doesn't mean
Speaker:there's anything that you should do.
Speaker:There's nothing you should do as a result of this.
Speaker:And the other one is that you don't, this doesn't mean that you should
Speaker:just put up with things at all.
Speaker:It's just seeing life with clarity.
Speaker:It's seeing how it works.
Speaker:Now, if I've got some really, um, uh, hopeful, excited thoughts, like, maybe
Speaker:about, uh, um, a a bike packing adventure that I've got coming up or something,
Speaker:you know, I'm aware of what that is.
Speaker:It's very pleasurable.
Speaker:Um, it's a fantastic way of procrastinating and not getting any work
Speaker:done, you know, route planning and, and, and fussing over my, my, my bike luggage
Speaker:and stuff like that and shopping online.
Speaker:It's all very exciting.
Speaker:And, but it's all none of it's actually happening in reality.
Speaker:It's all, it's all, again, the mind projecting into the future,
Speaker:which is not a problem at all.
Speaker:It's what us humans do.
Speaker:I just know that, like to not really attach to that outcome
Speaker:because I can't guarantee that I'm gonna get the outcome that I want.
Speaker:I, I can plan to the nth degree about what my bike packing adventure's gonna
Speaker:be like, but I can't control weather, I can't control how I'm gonna feel in
Speaker:any moment that comes along, I can't control how other people are gonna respond
Speaker:to me, I can't control the traffic.
Speaker:I can't, you know, like none of it.
Speaker:It's like, it's totally the unknown because life is totally unknown.
Speaker:We don't know what's gonna happen from moment to moment.
Speaker:So yeah, it's fine.
Speaker:Have a brilliant experience, have fun, uh, daydreaming.
Speaker:But there's a, you know, there's like, there's a fine line, you know, where day
Speaker:daydreaming then sort of slips over into, into worrying and fretting, you know, and
Speaker:again, that's when it's really helpful to be able to see things with clarity.
Speaker:It's like, okay, so this little thought created future, like right now, it's
Speaker:not helpful to give that attention.
Speaker:So when you talk about your clients of getting these moments of insight,
Speaker:I find that the biggest insights people get is when they realize
Speaker:what they are in control of and what they're, they're not in control of.
Speaker:and I think it's all well and good saying to people, great.
Speaker:You know, the stuff you're not in control of, we need to accept it,
Speaker:let it go, you can care about it, you don't need to carry it and all that.
Speaker:And I think that is hugely helpful.
Speaker:My issue is around the stuff that we do have control of.
Speaker:And I think that's the problem for doctors is there is stuff you could do.
Speaker:Like if patients can't get appointments at your practice, you could just work
Speaker:seven days a week, 24 hours a day and see all those patients, you know?
Speaker:And I think that's where we come a cropper of thinking, well, I
Speaker:can solve this by working harder.
Speaker:The reality is, no, we can't because that, that what happens when you are working 24
Speaker:hours a day and there's still more people.
Speaker:But we, we feel that we can work harder.
Speaker:But there, the problem is we are in control of stuff
Speaker:that we, that we could do.
Speaker:And so what I tend to focus on is changing the way that we are
Speaker:thinking about those things and the stories that we're telling ourselves.
Speaker:Whereas you are saying you just need to distance yourself from the
Speaker:thinking completely, recognize it's all a creation of the mind and sort
Speaker:of say F it, I'm just not gonna.
Speaker:Not gonna engage with that.
Speaker:And what, by the way, when, what can I just clarify?
Speaker:When I say f it, I'm saying that in the best possible way because we've had,
Speaker:um, John C Parkin on the podcast, Mr. He wrote the F it books, and it's a proper
Speaker:technique of detaching yourself from the outcome, the outcomes of what's happened.
Speaker:So I, when I say effort, I'm not using it in ris, Derry way.
Speaker:I am saying, actually that is a really good technique, just saying actually f
Speaker:it, I can't do anything more about that.
Speaker:I think this whole area of control, what we can control and what we can't
Speaker:control lies at the root of the problem, really, because I, I suppose I'd be
Speaker:quite provocative and suggest, for instance, I dunno what it's like in
Speaker:your house, Rachel, but me, me and my wife both have a stash of cards.
Speaker:Do you keep a stash of cards?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You know, So that like, you know, you're not always running around
Speaker:like a headless chicken at the last minute looking for card.
Speaker:So my wife's got a stash of cards and I've got a stash of cards.
Speaker:And she gave me a card for my 50th birthday that she said she's had in
Speaker:her, she's had in her box for ages.
Speaker:And every time she gets it out and, and like she's rifling through
Speaker:and she's like, no, that card is totally unsuitable for everyone.
Speaker:Like, that's just gonna freak people out, okay?
Speaker:Uh, and and she says, and I've had it in my box for years and, and,
Speaker:and I, and I've never been able to think of anyone to give it to.
Speaker:And she said, and I was just looking through them like in the runup to
Speaker:your birthday and I realized that it was the perfect card for you, Giles.
Speaker:And I've got it here in my hand and I keep it on my desk next
Speaker:to my computer at all times.
Speaker:'cause it's profoundly helpful.
Speaker:And it says.
Speaker:Relax, nothing is under control.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Nothing, nothing is under control.
Speaker:And so what I'd invite people and, and I realized that this is provocative and
Speaker:kind of like, you know, when I'm working with clients and, and running, running
Speaker:courses and stuff, you know, we kind of like eventually get to this point.
Speaker:But it's like, well, hang on a minute.
Speaker:Well, what if life is happening, what if the mind body is responding
Speaker:in a way that is appropriate to keeping the organism alive?
Speaker:That it, it's responding in a way that, that, that makes sense to it?
Speaker:Like, for instance, we've got a whole load of physiological processes
Speaker:going on inside our bodies right now.
Speaker:Rachel, like Giles and Rachel aren't involved in those in any way at all.
Speaker:That's just happening, okay?
Speaker:So what if all of that stuff is going on?
Speaker:What if we're responding in a way that makes sense to the
Speaker:mind, body system at all times?
Speaker:And then almost like overlaid on top of that is this narration by
Speaker:the mind saying, oh, I did that.
Speaker:Oh, I made that, I made that decision.
Speaker:Oh, I changed that.
Speaker:Oh, that's me.
Speaker:Oh no, I didn't have anything to do with that because I don't like that.
Speaker:It doesn't match with my values.
Speaker:That's their problem.
Speaker:That's not my problem.
Speaker:What if like nothing is under control?
Speaker:We are being lived by life, and then on top of that, we've got this almost
Speaker:like, it's like, you know, when you watch a, when you watch a film With
Speaker:the, the, not just the subtitles, but the, the, the closed captioning.
Speaker:And it's going same of door closing.
Speaker:You know, it's a little why if life's a bit like that.
Speaker:But it's that, it's that life's happening.
Speaker:And then we've got this kind of like DVD commentary, track o overlaid over the
Speaker:whole thing with the mind going, you know, well look, I did that, which is again, why
Speaker:it makes an enemy of the present moment.
Speaker:Because when we are truly present to life, when we're in flow, when we're in
Speaker:the, the, the effortless creative flow of life, it's commentary just, just
Speaker:isn't, it's surplus to requirements.
Speaker:It's.
Speaker:But are you saying then that we have no choice
Speaker:Is are, are we going?
Speaker:There
Speaker:Go on.
Speaker:Let's, let's go there.
Speaker:wasn't it?
Speaker:I think it was Schopenhauer that said you, you're free to do whatever it is you want.
Speaker:You're just not free to choose what you want.
Speaker:You know, we can talk until the cows come home, but like bringing it into the real
Speaker:world, there are, you know, there are real life consequences to some of these things.
Speaker:To a lot of these things.
Speaker:So it's understandable that, that in a, in a lot of situations, it will, it
Speaker:will be difficult, like inverted commas difficult to make, to make decisions
Speaker:because there's one mind created future, and then there's another mind
Speaker:created future, but it's really, really helpful to see that they're both mind
Speaker:created futures that we c we can't actually predict what's gonna happen.
Speaker:And dancing to the tune of the mind, you know, having a bit more
Speaker:understanding of what's going on means that we are a bit more in tune
Speaker:with that, again, flow intuition.
Speaker:gut instinct, just like doing the next thing that makes sense,
Speaker:not making a big deal about it.
Speaker:And if we don't know, I think, I think one of the biggest problems is that a,
Speaker:a lot of the time we don't know what to do in any particular situation.
Speaker:And we feel like we should, but we don't need to Right there and then.
Speaker:And that's when the, the mind really, you know, like you, preparing
Speaker:for a talk or a, a presentation or, or, or something like that.
Speaker:You know, it's like it's in a week's time.
Speaker:But we don't have a clear picture of exactly what it is we're gonna say
Speaker:or how we're gonna do it or, and the mind, again, the mind hates that.
Speaker:'Cause it just like, it likes to know, it wants, it likes to feel
Speaker:like everything's sorted in advance.
Speaker:So it talks a lot.
Speaker:I get this like loads 'cause I'm, you know, I'm always, as, you know, I
Speaker:write every day these days and, and, and, and I run Wellbeing Wednesdays.
Speaker:And so I'm, you know, in front of audiences and stuff and, and just
Speaker:observing what, how the mind responds to that is endlessly fascinating to me.
Speaker:It's, oh, Giles, you know, you haven't done this, you haven't done that, you need
Speaker:to do this, it's gonna be a toll disaster.
Speaker:And it's like, yeah, they're their mind, you know?
Speaker:Yeah, I know, I know.
Speaker:Yeah, your input's not heard.
Speaker:Does it make sense for me to be preparing for it right now?
Speaker:Well, no, actually there's 10 other things that are more important right now.
Speaker:Or there's really, there's only one I can do.
Speaker:So there's one other thing that's important right now, more
Speaker:important, and I'm doing that.
Speaker:Thanks.
Speaker:I don't need to be having my attention drawn by the activity of the mind
Speaker:about its insecurities right now.
Speaker:' cause I wanna be present to what it is I'm doing.
Speaker:Actually,
Speaker:But surely there's value in changing some of those thoughts.
Speaker:So if you can actually change the way that your mind is thinking, then you're
Speaker:going to be experiencing less distress when you forget to keep remembering that
Speaker:it's not real, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker:I've never had any luck trying to change my thoughts.
Speaker:Rachel.
Speaker:You know, I, I just, I, I, I think we get the thoughts that we're given.
Speaker:I think, I think it's a, it can become something of a burden.
Speaker:Certainly my experience of the whole kinda like world of, of, of personal
Speaker:development, of, of, of feeling like I should be able to change
Speaker:my experience, that it's on me.
Speaker:And, and when we say on me, what we are really saying is on, on my mind, you know?
Speaker:Because the, if the mind body is, is, is, is moving through life, is being
Speaker:lived by life, is just doing what makes sense, is responding in a way that
Speaker:makes sense and, and we've got this, this narrative overlaid and that it's,
Speaker:that the mind is, is is trying to take ownership of all of the activities
Speaker:and the decisions and everything.
Speaker:And, and so it can be a bit unhelpful, i, I framed, um, and you
Speaker:know, I do with clients because, because they're like, well.
Speaker:I, I feel like I should be doing things differently.
Speaker:I feel like I, I, I, I should be able to, to, to deal with this in a different way.
Speaker:I feel like I should be able to do something about, about this.
Speaker:And again, it's just gently inviting.
Speaker:Well, maybe, maybe you are not in control of that at all.
Speaker:And seeing that, just seeing that again, just shifts things.
Speaker:It shifts people's perspectives.
Speaker:It's like, what, what, what if everything that I'm doing is, is,
Speaker:is just making sense right now?
Speaker:Well, that in itself is kind of like shifting something in the
Speaker:background and, and, and different things then make sense, and you find
Speaker:yourself behaving in a different way.
Speaker:I'm just trying to work out how you can actually do some of the things
Speaker:that are gonna shift you away from stress and burnout in medicine.
Speaker:If you are not looking at, not just attaching to your thoughts, but the
Speaker:way you're thinking about some things.
Speaker:'cause you've got to change your thinking to start to realize
Speaker:that the mind is just the mind.
Speaker:That's a thought changing thing as well, isn't it?
Speaker:Well, maybe, just listening to a discussion like this is enough.
Speaker:Because the big changes that we see in our lives, they do come
Speaker:around from shifts in perspective.
Speaker:They do come around from shifts in thinking, you know, like you and I
Speaker:have talked about alcohol in the past, and that was a big one, wasn't it?
Speaker:And we get these shifts in perspective.
Speaker:And the, that's not something that we bring about ourselves.
Speaker:I think what, what this approach, if you wanna call it an approach
Speaker:or a viewpoint, is what you called at the beginning, wasn't it?
Speaker:You know, the, the, the, the beauty of this viewpoint is, as far as I
Speaker:can tell, is like, you know, it's like, it, this is the way it is.
Speaker:It's a bit like gravity, you know?
Speaker:It's just the, the, the, the gravity's always there.
Speaker:It doesn't really care about you.
Speaker:You can believe in it or not believe in it.
Speaker:It doesn't make any difference.
Speaker:It's, it's, it's always switched on, you know?
Speaker:And it's a little bit the same with this.
Speaker:It's like, well, we we're always living in, we're always living in a
Speaker:thought created perceptual reality.
Speaker:That, that's just the way it is, basically.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:Does it look like that?
Speaker:No, of course.
Speaker:It doesn't look like that at all.
Speaker:It's like the blooming best illusion the world has ever seen.
Speaker:It's like, it's amazing.
Speaker:But it, I think it's got to look completely true in order for
Speaker:us to function as human beings.
Speaker:But then to see through that trick of the mind just means that we can take
Speaker:it less seriously, and maybe, looking in this direction, you know, there'll
Speaker:be people who have switched off this podcast a long time ago, Rachel, 'cause
Speaker:I don't want to hear what that, oh God.
Speaker:It's another one with that Giles bloke.
Speaker:He, he talks a load of waffle.
Speaker:And then there'll be other people who are like, oh, it's, you know,
Speaker:it is, it's that Giles bloke again.
Speaker:Like the, the, when Rach and Giles were looking in that particular direction, I
Speaker:didn't really get it because getting it again is an intellectual thing, isn't it?
Speaker:You know, what, if there's nothing to get here, what if there's
Speaker:nothing to get here at all?
Speaker:What if it's like, this is just the way that things are, and always have
Speaker:been and always will be, and, And just realizing that, and those realizations
Speaker:are more likely to happen when we're not having an argument in our head
Speaker:about yeah, you know, yeah, but.
Speaker:You know, I see my job a lot of the time as, as managing those expectations,
Speaker:managing the mind's response to all of this, to to, to help it go to sleep
Speaker:a little bit, so that we can see Oh, yeah, underneath, that mind experience,
Speaker:I actually find myself, I find who I really am, and I, and, and, and it,
Speaker:it feels good, it, it feels right.
Speaker:It feels like home, and it's okay that the mind does what it does, but
Speaker:I don't have to take it seriously.
Speaker:It's just chatter.
Speaker:Maybe what we're talking about more is having to change your beliefs.
Speaker:If you change your beliefs, then, then that changes your thoughts, but your
Speaker:beliefs have changed about what the mind does and how helpful the mind is, which
Speaker:has then helps you change your thinking.
Speaker:And yes, when he said, have I ever been able to change my
Speaker:thinking, I would say, yes, I have.
Speaker:But if, and use the alcohol things as an, as a an example, I
Speaker:did the, uh, alcohol experiment.
Speaker:We talked about the, uh, Annie Grace stuff called the, I think the Naked Mind?
Speaker:This Naked Mind.
Speaker:Brilliant book.
Speaker:If you wanna just like, change your relationship with alcohol, you know, I
Speaker:just realized that I was just, you know.
Speaker:Having more than I wanted to.
Speaker:Uh, I didn't feel like I was addicted at all, but I just wanted to break that hole
Speaker:that I felt alcohol had on me sometimes.
Speaker:So I decided to do this as you say, alcohol experiment.
Speaker:And the way it works is you listen to it, they talk to you
Speaker:about your beliefs about alcohol.
Speaker:Like, I need alcohol to relax or I need alcohol to have a good time.
Speaker:And then you tried an experiment.
Speaker:You say, well, if I go out and I don't have a drink, is it gonna be okay?
Speaker:And you do that and then you realize your beliefs change.
Speaker:'cause you start to believe, oh, I was okay, and actually I don't
Speaker:need alcohol to relax and have fun.
Speaker:So it's, your beliefs have changed and therefore your thinking.
Speaker:So my thinking around it is totally changed.
Speaker:And I, I do feel like I, you know, it just doesn't have that, that hold on
Speaker:me of having to have it all the time, which is, which is absolutely great.
Speaker:But I did need to do something and I did need to look at my beliefs,
Speaker:which then changed my thinking.
Speaker:It didn't just happen.
Speaker:I couldn't just say, right, I'm just gonna realize it's my mind wanting alcohol,
Speaker:therefore I'm just gonna leave it.
Speaker:That didn't work for me.
Speaker:Again, if we go back to my, my 50th birthday card, relax, nothing
Speaker:is, is under control, are you open to the idea that, you know,
Speaker:that that was gonna happen anyway?
Speaker:And, and, and that, that's, given your experience of your genetics
Speaker:and your biology and the, whatever it is, 13.8 billion years of
Speaker:cause and effect that came before this thing we call Rachel Morris?
Speaker:You know, given, in my, given all that has come to bear in this moment with this
Speaker:experience that you are having, that it, you know, it, it couldn't have been any
Speaker:different, you know, reality is, reality, is we, we get, we get what we're given.
Speaker:And, I think trying to change a belief, for me, there's so much more power
Speaker:in, in seeing that our experience of lifelike is just one big belief.
Speaker:It's like all of our, all of our behaviors come from belief and, know,
Speaker:to like just get a bit of distance from that is, and to get a bit of
Speaker:distance from the need to do anything.
Speaker:You know, what if that was the mind, Rachel?
Speaker:What if that's the mind saying, come on, come on, we need to do
Speaker:something, we need to do something.
Speaker:Because aren't, aren't you and I in the business of taking things off
Speaker:people's plates, Rachel, really?
Speaker:You know, if when it comes to stress and overwhelm stuff, don't we want to give
Speaker:people an easier experience giving them a whole load of stuff to do and them
Speaker:beating themselves up 'cause they don't do it, or beating themselves up 'cause
Speaker:they don't get the results that they want.
Speaker:I've been there, I've been there.
Speaker:It's like, it's not a pleasant place to be at all.
Speaker:So, Giles, what advice would you give people if people were
Speaker:saying, yeah, no, I, I agree.
Speaker:I agree with this.
Speaker:I'd love to be able to detach a little bit more.
Speaker:how how do we actually do that?
Speaker:Can I do something different here?
Speaker:Can I read something I've written because it really answers this Question.
Speaker:This is just a, an article I wrote for a magazine and, just let it wash over you.
Speaker:Listen to it as if you were listening to a piece of music.
Speaker:There's no information in here that's gonna give you a how to, there's no, there
Speaker:are no there, there, there's nothing that you need to remember and apply from this,
Speaker:but I want you to give yourself the, a treat, give yourself the luxury of taking
Speaker:five minutes off life just to be open to things not being quite as they seem.
Speaker:So I called this one, uh, No Ways to Wellbeing.
Speaker:I think it was in response to the five Ways to Wellbeing,
Speaker:no Ways to Wellbeing.
Speaker:And it starts, um, with a quote from the Scottish mystics, Sydney
Speaker:Banks, who said, the belief that it takes time to find wisdom is one
Speaker:of the greatest fallacies on earth.
Speaker:Wisdom is not learned, it is unfolded from within.
Speaker:I recently had the honor of sharing some of these writings with a group of
Speaker:crafters in my wife's shop, plug for the Wool Craft in Abergavenny there.
Speaker:They meet up regularly to make lovely woolly stuff, and in doing so,
Speaker:satisfy those five ways to wellbeing.
Speaker:We're always hearing about: connect with others.
Speaker:Be active, take notice, keep learning, and give.
Speaker:It seemed like the perfect forum for these reflections on the human condition.
Speaker:So I pulled up a chair and joined them as is usual when sharing with
Speaker:a new group, there were questions, I say new, but of course no one
Speaker:is new to this understanding.
Speaker:We all know it on some level.
Speaker:It's stuff we already do, isn't it?
Speaker:It just needs someone to point it out to us, said one member.
Speaker:The most obvious of these were the why questions, why we like this.
Speaker:Why can we not see the simplicity of life?
Speaker:Why is it so hard to be present?
Speaker:Because between us, there was an easy acceptance of the fact that
Speaker:contentment and peace of mind are to be found now in presence.
Speaker:And there was a recognition that inside is the place to look for it.
Speaker:ie not to the impermanent, false idols of the outside world,
Speaker:possessions, status, dependency.
Speaker:There was also a tangible feeling of connection and oneness in the room.
Speaker:A rightness to the materials being shared, manifesting as a desire by everyone there
Speaker:to hear more of these simple truths.
Speaker:But then we faltered as the mind reared its head with all
Speaker:of its unanswerable questions.
Speaker:Why, what?
Speaker:How?
Speaker:What should we do now then?
Speaker:Well, you are already doing it.
Speaker:How do we spend more time being present?
Speaker:Oh, the irony of that question.
Speaker:Well, you are already there.
Speaker:You've already got what you're looking for.
Speaker:You see, we'd spent this time together in a lovely feeling, and yet the
Speaker:mind wanted more, more answers, more content, more tools, more
Speaker:space and time to figure it out.
Speaker:But these are just the mind pulling us away from the very thing we want.
Speaker:It is the source of our discontent, another disguised aspect of
Speaker:the outside world that contains none of the wisdom we seek.
Speaker:You could give it everything it thinks it needs in order to quiet down and then 10
Speaker:minutes later it would be back for more.
Speaker:Nope, that's not it.
Speaker:What else have you got?
Speaker:So what if you are your own answer?
Speaker:What if there's no need for anything more than that?
Speaker:What if each moment that comes along is a gift?
Speaker:One that you can savor or one that you can be distracted from by the
Speaker:minds inexhaustible demands for more, different, better, not this?
Speaker:Wellbeing is here, it's now.
Speaker:It's who and what you are always and forever.
Speaker:It is the very definition of look within.
Speaker:With love, Giles.
Speaker:Where can people find out more about you and your work?
Speaker:My website, gilespcroft.com.
Speaker:I've got a, a, a newsletter, um, called The Daily Reminders, because I've seen
Speaker:that the biggest problem I think we face is that we forget our true nature.
Speaker:We forget all the time because we're human, because it's, because it's all
Speaker:hidden behind this amazing illusion that makes everything look true,
Speaker:that makes our version of reality look true, and, and we forget.
Speaker:So I've taken to sending pithy little daily reminders by
Speaker:email that people really love.
Speaker:So if you head over to my website, I think you, you get them, don't you, Rachel?
Speaker:I do.
Speaker:I enjoy them.
Speaker:I like these little pithy.
Speaker:It reminds us to make my own of little bit more pithy.
Speaker:Oh, well there is the occasional, very long one.
Speaker:Thanks for listening.
Speaker:Don't forget, you can get extra bonus episodes and audio courses along with
Speaker:unlimited access to our library of videos and CPD workbooks by joining
Speaker:FrogXtra and FrogXtra Gold, our memberships to help busy professionals
Speaker:like you beat burnout and work happier.
Speaker:Find out more at youarenotafrog.com/members.