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Why You’re Stressed When Everyone Else is Calm
Episode 28419th August 2025 • You Are Not A Frog • Dr Rachel Morris
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Stress is created from the mind, not from the outside world. If that’s true, how can we stop listening to the unhelpful stories our minds tell us?

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Transcripts

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Stress is a response to a situation, not the situation itself.

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So if you are stressed out, that's your mind playing out a story that

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you are choosing to watch, like a scary film or a tense drama.

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At least that's how this week's guest approaches stress.

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This week, Gilles P Croft makes his fifth appearance on You Are Not a Frog to talk

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about the mind and the way it shapes the way we respond in all sorts of situations.

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Now, no one likes being told that our experiences are all in the mind,

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especially when we're working in a very strained and stress system and

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we're trying to care for our patients whilst do the best for our colleagues

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and balance our own wellbeing.

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So I really wanted to push Giles on some of the practical

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aspects of his point of view.

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And if you've heard our other episodes with John C Parkin, you'll

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know that I'm a big fan of saying f it in stressful situations.

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But Giles takes a different tack, and invites us to see that stress

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isn't something we experience from the outside world, but it's

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a reaction to our own thinking.

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Now, Giles is a former surgeon and he takes a very specific

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view on how to manage stress.

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One that not everybody will agree with, but it's definitely worth considering.

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So listen to find out if you agree with him or if you don't, and email

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me at hello@youarenotafrog.com.

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And let me know what landed with you and what didn't.

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So now take a few moments for yourself and enjoy my conversation

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with Dr. Giles P Croft.

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If you're in a high stress, high stakes, still blank medicine, and you're feeling

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stressed or overwhelmed, burning out or getting out are not your only options.

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I'm Dr. Rachel Morris, and welcome to You Are Not a Frog.

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I'm Giles P Croft.

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I'm a former NHS doctor, who now, um, is a writer, a speaker, and,

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a coach and workshop facilitator.

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it is wonderful to have you back again on the podcast, Giles.

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I mean, how many times have you been on?

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Is number five.

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Have I got the record yet?

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Ooh.

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I don't know.

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You may have, you're, you're up there.

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You're definitely up there.

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And Giles, it's, I wanted to get you back, several reasons, but one of

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the reasons is when we're talking to people about, you know, how to have a

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job in which they thrive, how to work happier, how to beat burnout, there

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are plenty of objections that come up.

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You know, if I don't do it, who else will being, being one of them.

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And we'll get to those later.

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And I think in a lot of these issues of resilience and thriving

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at work, it's really good to look at things from different

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viewpoints and different aspects.

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So firstly, why do you think your viewpoint is, is different

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from many other people's?

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Well, for me, the, biggest leverage point going is to better understand the nature

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of the experience that we're having.

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Because when it all boils down to it, an experience is all we get.

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You are like moment to moment, an experience like you and I are having

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an experience of this podcast.

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And to really have a better understanding of.

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How that experience is put together means that we can really,

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we can really work with it.

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We can, we don't, we don't have to find it.

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I've been thinking quite a lot recently about the old Buddhist, I think sort

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of, um, saying, or proverb is not really a proverb, just the, the analogy of

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taking that second arrow about like something happens, which is bad enough.

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Say you, I've got a can of coke next to me, spill a can of coke all over my lap.

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Right?

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Okay.

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So that, that's bad enough in itself.

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I'm wet and I'm cold.

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But then the second arrow would be like getting really upset about being wet and

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cold and, you know, being really cross about the fact that I've stained my nice

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white t-shirt and all that sort of thing.

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So we are adding layers of suffering onto what's already happening,

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um, and creating more suffering.

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And I think me and you differ a little bit.

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I think your, your view is that actually if, and I'm quoting you and

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I'm probably gonna get this wrong, so please correct me that actually you

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can get rid of suffering pretty much completely by changing your experience

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of it and just actually not adding that second arrow, that second layer onto it.

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Yeah, it's, it's, again, it's, it's, it's seeing clearly the way that things are.

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It, it, it's seeing that yeah, things are as they are, there's always loads

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of stuff happening that we don't want.

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And, and the, the reason is, is that, that it's the mind that's creating

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the story about what it wants.

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It's the mind very, very naturally and, uh, and, you know, reasonably not

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expecting Coke to be on your top and in your lap, but you know, there cold.

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But you might, it might be a bit more subtle than that.

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You might pick it up and it might not be ice cold.

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And I might be, ah, you know, there's just that little moment of reality, not

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meeting the mind's expectations of like, oh, I was really, I was really hoping this

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might be this, this might be ice cold.

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And, um, it, it's, to really see that we've got this constant, uh, narration

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from the mind and it's, it's meeting reality in all of these different moments,

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in all of these di different situations.

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And 99 times out of a hundred, it's not gonna get what it wants.

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You, you know, it's not, things aren't gonna turn out the way

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that the mind, the mind wants.

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The way that the mind wants things is all based on our conditioning and what

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we've learned and what we've consumed in the media and, you know, the values that

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we've learned over time and everything.

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And, uh, chances are that those values aren't gonna be met.

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Um, and when they are met, it, it feels like, okay, well things

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are going my way, i'm in control.

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And I suppose I would invite viewers to, um, to consider, well, what,

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what if that wasn't the case?

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What if it was more a case of the mind's expectations have been met in

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this instance, therefore it stopped complaining for a little bit, you know,

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it stopped making a big deal about stuff.

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And when the mind stops complaining and it stops making a big deal about stuff, then

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we have an experience that's a a little bit closer to reality, shall we say?

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We're, we're, we're able to see things a bit more clearly.

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We are, we're able to be a bit more present to the actual situation.

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We're able to be a bit more, have more of an experience of being connected

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to life itself and all of all the, all the good things that it has to offer.

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That is the thing, isn't it about stress?

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I've heard that a a, a stress equation or, or a happiness equation actually is

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equals sort of reality minus expectations.

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So if your expectations are massive about this should happen and the realities it

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doesn't, or I think stress, so that's happiness is reality minus expectations.

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Um, stress is resources minus demands.

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So I've got enough resources to meet this, oh, the demands are fine.

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I'm not stressed.

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Oh, the demands suddenly e exceed the resources, i'm suddenly feeling stressed.

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And a lot of us focus on trying to change, I guess the reality actually, I've gotta

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change the reality or I've got to change the, um, the demands rather than actually

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changing what our expectations are or changing our view of the expectations.

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Would, would that solve things?

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Yeah, well that, and that, you know, that that's difficult in the NHS, isn't it?

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Because, we, we've all butted up against this, uh, and it's the,

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it's the source of, uh, what they call moral injury, isn't it?

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Is that, you know, we have a, we have an expectation.

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We, you know, we train for years.

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We, we come through medical school, we learn all this stuff in textbooks.

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We, we, we want to do our best, we want to help.

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And then the reality of the situation is that the whole system's a bit

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broken and it's falling apart and it's under resourced and, and, and, and

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everyone's, everyone's struggling.

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And so, um, it, you know, it gets to a point where, to a degree, you are

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able to, to, depending on your level of seniority, change the environment

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a bit, but then it gets to a point where you can't, and, and that's where,

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that's where it's breaking point.

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And I mean, I like the, the, the first definition, what

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was it you said it was, it.

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Happiness is reality minus expectations.

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Yeah.

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You, you know, to, to see things clearly is to see that, okay, now my

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expectations here are absolutely, you know, they're, they're rock solid.

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They're that this, they're, that this patient should

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get the best care available.

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You know, they're the, this patient should live.

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They're the, this patient shouldn't be sat in pain a chair as opposed

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to, you know, admitted to ward ,getting the treatment that they need.

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Those are perfectly reasonable expectations.

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But to see that the, the, the suffering that, that we experience

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does actually come from that mismatch between expectations and reality.

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And I'm sure that many of you listeners will have had the experience of, you

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know, depending on the, the frame of mind that they're in, when, when they

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experience a situation like that, that they'll either be incredibly

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disheartened or, or very angry or, you know, filling in forms and writing

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letters and making phone calls and stuff.

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Or being like really, really feeling really connected to their patients

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and, uh, and feeling great empathy for their situation and saying, look,

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I know, I know this, this sucks.

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You know, this isn't the best that we can be doing for you.

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However, this is what we've got to deal with at the moment, okay?

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This is, this is the best that we've got.

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Internally it's like, well, this isn't my problem.

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This is the system here.

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This is the system that's broken, not me.

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And, and absolutely doing the best that we can in, in, in that moment.

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Because to see that, it doesn't help to be caught up in the stories.

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It doesn't help to be caught up in the expectations if we can do something

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about it, sure, that's brilliant.

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But as we're finding more and more in the NHS, we can't do anything about a

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lot of these things, that that doesn't automatically mean that there has to be

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an experience of suffering and stress.

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It's interesting that you've mentioned moral injury because that, uh, we had

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Dr. Paula Redmond on the podcast a few weeks ago talking about one of the,

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you know, the three different types.

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Actually, she talks about five different types of burnout, and one

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of them is to do with moral injury.

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So it is not an overwhelm type burnout, it's a real sort of compassion fatigue

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or empathetic burnout type of thing.

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Would you then say that one of the, the cures for that is just

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learning to, to detach and see it as just a, the mind's expectation?

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I don't know Rachel, like, you know, I often have little kind of like,

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thought exercises of, well, what, what, what would Giles of 2025 be like in

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a, the old environment that I used to be in when I, when I was in surgery?

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But yeah, I think just to, to have a knowledge of self, to have an, to have

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a, a, a real understanding of what it is we're up against moment to moment.

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We're, we are not up against the NHS, we are not up against patients,

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we are not up against colleagues.

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We're, we're up against our mind essentially.

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We're up against the, the image of, of that that is

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being created moment to moment.

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And just having an appreciation of that gives us that little

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bit of, of, of breathing space.

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It gives us that, it, it, it allows us to get a little bit

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of distance from the stories.

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I mean, I think that, um, that, like my fa I'm sure I've jotted this one

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out before Rachel, but my favorite quote on stress comes from, comes

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from Richard Carlson and, and author of, um, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.

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And he said, your, the, your experience to stress will be exactly the

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amount of your tolerance to stress.

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So we all think that it's important to, well, if I could just

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tolerate more stress, I'd be okay.

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But, but almost by definition, the amount of stress that we can tolerate

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is the amount that we will experience.

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I have an incredibly low tolerance for stress these days.

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If I, I think stress is such a, such a helpful, um, indicator of when I've got

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caught up in those expectations, when I've got caught up in those stories

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when I'm not seeing life clearly.

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It's a, it is a really helpful reminder.

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It's like, oh, you know, for a minute.

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Then, you know, I thought, I thought that, that my, my feelings were coming

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from, from this environment that I'm in, and, and they're not, it's, it's coming

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from this, this thought created image that's being created moment to moment,

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and that, that just gives us a bit of breathing space, that allows us to, to,

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to let go of the stories, to let go of the expectations a little bit and, and,

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you know, see, see things with clarity.

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How they are.

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Right, what's my next step?

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What's the one, what's my next physical action I can take here?

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You know, it's, it's very practical.

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It's very practical.

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Is there anything I can do in this situation?

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No.

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Okay, then.

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So you are saying that's a very interesting quote about stress,

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that you will experience the amount of stress that you're prepared to

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tolerate, and you are saying, well, you are not prepared to tolerate stress.

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Therefore, when a stressful event happens, what do you do?

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What do you do?

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Do

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Well, I, it, it, it's understanding that there's no such thing

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as a stressful event, Rachel, like, events don't hold stress

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it's like, for instance, if you, if you were to, go to the cinema and watch

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a film that was, Let's say it was a really scary film and you felt really,

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really scared when you were watching it.

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Now if you slow down a little bit and you examine what's actually going on here, you

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know how we actually experience a film.

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A, a, a film is no more than some dancing dots of light on a plain

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white background that we call pixels.

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And the visual system picks those up.

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And it's also some, some sound, which is, which is, is variations in air

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pressure coming out of the speakers that we can't see in the cinema.

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And, um, for other things there's also, you know, there's a, there's a

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sensation to, to, to an experience.

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There's a, you know, there's, you might be able to feel the chair that you are in or

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something, or feel, feel the temperature.

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And all, all of that data, that's all coming in.

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The data that comes into our eyes comes in as a different speed to

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the data that comes into our ears.

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And, and like nerve peripheral, nerve conduction's really slow

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in comparison to everything else.

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But, that's all created within, into an experience.

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So the, the film itself isn't scary.

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Just like a situation itself isn't stressful, which is why, you know,

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two people can be in exactly the same situation and one of them doesn't

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seem to be bothered by it and the other one is profoundly stressed by.

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It's because stress isn't held within situations.

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Life doesn't inherently contain meaning, by, you know, by definition.

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It just is, and it's, it's us having this human experience that's cooking up this

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perceptual experience within, and it's all mixed in with those expectations and

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our understanding and our learning and our upbringing and all that kind of stuff to

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present us with what looks like reality.

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And again, I would say, you know, the, the, the, the greatest leverage that

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we get in all of these kind of like downstream situations like, you know,

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difficult situations at work and scary films and stuff, and it, it is to really

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understand what's going on upstream.

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It's like, oh, this experience that I'm having is real, sure it's real.

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Look, I can feel the, I can feel my pulse racing.

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I can, I can feel the, uh, feel the adrenaline of this situation.

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I can feel the way that my body's responding to it.

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But it's not true.

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It's real, but it's not true.

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It's a, it's a creation of the mind, like by definition at the level of

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principle, it's a creation of the mind.

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We're all kinda like walking around in these, these little separate, apparently

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separate realities, you know, having our own little experience of things.

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Which is why you can go to the cinema with your partner and you can think it's the

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most fun, exciting film you've ever seen.

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And they're like, they're, and they're asleep next to you.

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It's like, well, what's going on there?

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And you know, this is what I encourage my clients to do.

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And with workshops and stuff, it's like, well, hang on a minute.

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Let's just slow down for a bit and let's just start questioning these

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basic assumptions of what we think it is that we're experiencing.

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Because I've seen time and time and time again that when people get a bit

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more of a handle on the nature of that experience, then the experience changes.

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And I can see that in a very abstract thing.

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I can, I can imagine sort of sitting in a workshop and that example

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of a film is, is really powerful.

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Yeah, 'cause it's a hundred percent your senses, isn't it?

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And it's nothing that's happening.

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You know, you are not in any danger 'cause you're sat in a cinema or whatever.

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But I'm just thinking if you are, you've got to the train station, you're at King's

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Cross trying to get back to Cambridge.

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All the trains are canceled.

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You've lost your wallet, you've lost your phone, you can't get home,

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you've got nowhere of contacting people and you might be having to

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like spend the night in the station, cold, hungry, dangerous, whatever.

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That is a physical threat.

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That's a real physical threat to you.

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Yeah, and, and brilliantly the, the, you know, the human system is set up

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fantastically to deal with that stuff.

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You know, we're like peak human.

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We are a, we're a number one species on earth, allegedly.

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It's hard to believe sometimes, but yeah, we're absolutely,

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I think, I think overall, Rachel, you know, the, like the, the organism's prime

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directive is to stay alive and, and it will do whatever it takes to fulfill that.

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So in that situation, like if someone, if someone throws a punch at us, we've

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got these things called reflexes and, and, and we'll get out of the way.

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If we were to stand by the side of a road, a busy road and deliberately just try and

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like look at our feet instead of looking at the traffic as we cross the road,

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we'd, we'd have a real visceral sensation of that being really, really dangerous.

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That stuff's built in.

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That's brilliant.

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That's like, let's keep the organism alive.

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Which is why like when you go somewhere, like, I dunno what it's like these

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days, but when I went to Vietnam for my elective, like one of the most difficult

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things to do was to cross the road because what you had to do was actually just

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look at your feet because the traffic would go, you know, all these bicycles

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and mopeds would just go range you.

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And if you actually made eye contact with anyone, they were more

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likely to smash into you 'cause they weren't used to it at all.

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So, yeah, and that just goes to show that, there are cultural differences as well.

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You know, what's, whose ex who's experience is true there, Rachel?

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Is it, is it mine of crossing the road or is it the person whose country I'm in, uh,

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when, when they're driving down the road?

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The whole things just, it's all, it's all mind created.

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So yeah, in in situations of physical threat.

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the system, the human operating system will be at its best.

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It will, it will do whatever it can.

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And, and I would argue that, the best way for it to achieve those

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goals is for us not to be caught up in a whole load of thinking.

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You know, if you were in that situation, when do you think you would make your best

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decisions to get out of that situation?

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Do you think you'd make good, better decisions if you were kind of like present

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and clear minded and, and not caught up in a whole bunch of expectations?

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Or do you think you'd make better decisions if you were like panicking and

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running around like a headless chicken?

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I get that.

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I get that.

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And you can sort of really see that with the, the physical

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survival thing, can't you?

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So it's like, uh, yeah, I'm, I'm not gonna just step out into the road

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without, without looking, 'cause that would be really dangerous, currently

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here, uh, in England where I live.

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So you can see the physical stuff when it comes to moral injury, that is all about

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compassion for other people, isn't it?

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It it, it's empathy and compassion, which isn't so much

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about our own survival, is it?

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But it is quite hardwired into us.

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Well, it's, I guess, hardwired into some people more than other people.

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Other people seem to have no compassion or empathy for, for others.

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So how does that work?

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Because I can sit there and go, okay, it's, it's just an experience I'm having

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that that patient can't get the help that they need because of flaws in the system.

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But in reality, I've got that patient in front of me really upset

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with a health condition that's deteriorating, and it feels awful to me.

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How do I, how do I square that up with, oh, well this is just an

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experience I'm having my, uh, and, and my thinking's making it worse?

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I don't, I don't think we get to choose Rachel.

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I don't think we get to choose.

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I don't think there's anything that we can do in situations like that.

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Oh, it's like that Wayne Dyer quote, isn't it?

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When you change the way you look at things, the, the, the things you look at

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change, it means that the situation that you are in will actually be different

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from the one, you know, you and I are sat here in the comfort of our, our,

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our offices at the moment, having a, having a conversation, and we're creating

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mental images of a future that, that may, that's unlikely for us to exist.

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You know, it is in itself a story, and what we are trying to do is I,

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is to put ourselves in that story and manage that situation, and manage

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our experience of it, or manage it on behalf of our listeners and it,

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and it's all stories, all thought.

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I mean, I I, I do get this with clients where they've, they like, they've, they,

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they've really seen something around this and like the way the world's lifted off

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their shoulder, it's like, oh my god, you know, it's like, it's, it's, it's thought.

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It's like, it's not the situation.

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It's, it's my mind's response to the situation that's the issue.

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And there's something about that that like really, like, gives this space.

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And so we'll be like, do I do a lot of my coaching out outdoors, and we'll be,

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we'll be like, I remember wandering down the canal with the client and they'd

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had the most wonderful realization about the nature of their problems and how

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they weren't really problems at all.

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It was just the, the mind chattering away, making it into a problem.

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And then it started up again, but it started up again in a, in a way that

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was a, that was subtly different and it was unrecognizable as thought because

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it was a little bit along those lines.

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It was a little bit along the lines of, now this is all well and good

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Giles, and right here, right now, I can see everything with clarity.

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I don't have any problem with any of this at all.

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I can see life really, really clearly.

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But what about next week when I'm not seeing, and it, and it's like,

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oh, hello, hello, mind, you've made an, you've reappeared again.

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And, and it, and it's something that like, really looks like a legitimate

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problem, but again, it's just, it's just the mind getting revved back up again.

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Because I think it was E, Eckhart Toll said that, you know, the guy

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who wrote the, the, the Power of Now it's like the, the mind makes

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an enemy of the present moment.

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Like it's not required in the present moment, the mind.

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So it makes an enemy of it.

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It doesn't like us being, 'cause it's like, oh, well hang on a minute.

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I'm out of a job here.

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I'll tell you what I'll do.

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I'll create a story about next week and we'll see how, see how we

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can problem solve that one away.

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It's just more mind activity.

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I, I get that and I'm responsible for doing that, but there's

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a, I've got more yes buts.

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The more you talk, the more yes buts I've got, which is helpful.

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Um, that's all well and good, like we wanna, we wanna avoid the stress, but if

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we're trying to avoid the mind, 'cause the mind's not helpful, then won't we

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miss out on the good stuff as well?

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Won't we miss out on the happiness and the love and that 'cause all of that

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is just thinking as well, isn't it?

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what, why?

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Why would you do that?

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Again, it's like, it's more just like, there are absolutely no rules here.

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None of this is prescriptive.

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Like when I start my courses, I put up two disclaimers and I think

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the first disclaimer is something that says, um, this doesn't mean

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there's anything that you should do.

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There's nothing you should do as a result of this.

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And the other one is that you don't, this doesn't mean that you should

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just put up with things at all.

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It's just seeing life with clarity.

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It's seeing how it works.

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Now, if I've got some really, um, uh, hopeful, excited thoughts, like, maybe

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about, uh, um, a a bike packing adventure that I've got coming up or something,

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you know, I'm aware of what that is.

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It's very pleasurable.

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Um, it's a fantastic way of procrastinating and not getting any work

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done, you know, route planning and, and, and fussing over my, my, my bike luggage

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and stuff like that and shopping online.

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It's all very exciting.

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And, but it's all none of it's actually happening in reality.

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It's all, it's all, again, the mind projecting into the future,

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which is not a problem at all.

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It's what us humans do.

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I just know that, like to not really attach to that outcome

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because I can't guarantee that I'm gonna get the outcome that I want.

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I, I can plan to the nth degree about what my bike packing adventure's gonna

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be like, but I can't control weather, I can't control how I'm gonna feel in

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any moment that comes along, I can't control how other people are gonna respond

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to me, I can't control the traffic.

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I can't, you know, like none of it.

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It's like, it's totally the unknown because life is totally unknown.

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We don't know what's gonna happen from moment to moment.

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So yeah, it's fine.

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Have a brilliant experience, have fun, uh, daydreaming.

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But there's a, you know, there's like, there's a fine line, you know, where day

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daydreaming then sort of slips over into, into worrying and fretting, you know, and

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again, that's when it's really helpful to be able to see things with clarity.

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It's like, okay, so this little thought created future, like right now, it's

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not helpful to give that attention.

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So when you talk about your clients of getting these moments of insight,

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I find that the biggest insights people get is when they realize

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what they are in control of and what they're, they're not in control of.

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and I think it's all well and good saying to people, great.

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You know, the stuff you're not in control of, we need to accept it,

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let it go, you can care about it, you don't need to carry it and all that.

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And I think that is hugely helpful.

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My issue is around the stuff that we do have control of.

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And I think that's the problem for doctors is there is stuff you could do.

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Like if patients can't get appointments at your practice, you could just work

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seven days a week, 24 hours a day and see all those patients, you know?

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And I think that's where we come a cropper of thinking, well, I

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can solve this by working harder.

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The reality is, no, we can't because that, that what happens when you are working 24

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hours a day and there's still more people.

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But we, we feel that we can work harder.

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But there, the problem is we are in control of stuff

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that we, that we could do.

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And so what I tend to focus on is changing the way that we are

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thinking about those things and the stories that we're telling ourselves.

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Whereas you are saying you just need to distance yourself from the

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thinking completely, recognize it's all a creation of the mind and sort

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of say F it, I'm just not gonna.

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Not gonna engage with that.

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And what, by the way, when, what can I just clarify?

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When I say f it, I'm saying that in the best possible way because we've had,

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um, John C Parkin on the podcast, Mr. He wrote the F it books, and it's a proper

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technique of detaching yourself from the outcome, the outcomes of what's happened.

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So I, when I say effort, I'm not using it in ris, Derry way.

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I am saying, actually that is a really good technique, just saying actually f

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it, I can't do anything more about that.

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I think this whole area of control, what we can control and what we can't

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control lies at the root of the problem, really, because I, I suppose I'd be

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quite provocative and suggest, for instance, I dunno what it's like in

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your house, Rachel, but me, me and my wife both have a stash of cards.

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Do you keep a stash of cards?

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Yeah.

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You know, So that like, you know, you're not always running around

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like a headless chicken at the last minute looking for card.

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So my wife's got a stash of cards and I've got a stash of cards.

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And she gave me a card for my 50th birthday that she said she's had in

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her, she's had in her box for ages.

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And every time she gets it out and, and like she's rifling through

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and she's like, no, that card is totally unsuitable for everyone.

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Like, that's just gonna freak people out, okay?

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Uh, and and she says, and I've had it in my box for years and, and,

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and I, and I've never been able to think of anyone to give it to.

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And she said, and I was just looking through them like in the runup to

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your birthday and I realized that it was the perfect card for you, Giles.

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And I've got it here in my hand and I keep it on my desk next

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to my computer at all times.

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'cause it's profoundly helpful.

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And it says.

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Relax, nothing is under control.

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Okay.

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Nothing, nothing is under control.

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And so what I'd invite people and, and I realized that this is provocative and

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kind of like, you know, when I'm working with clients and, and running, running

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courses and stuff, you know, we kind of like eventually get to this point.

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But it's like, well, hang on a minute.

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Well, what if life is happening, what if the mind body is responding

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in a way that is appropriate to keeping the organism alive?

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That it, it's responding in a way that, that, that makes sense to it?

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Like, for instance, we've got a whole load of physiological processes

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going on inside our bodies right now.

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Rachel, like Giles and Rachel aren't involved in those in any way at all.

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That's just happening, okay?

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So what if all of that stuff is going on?

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What if we're responding in a way that makes sense to the

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mind, body system at all times?

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And then almost like overlaid on top of that is this narration by

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the mind saying, oh, I did that.

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Oh, I made that, I made that decision.

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Oh, I changed that.

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Oh, that's me.

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Oh no, I didn't have anything to do with that because I don't like that.

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It doesn't match with my values.

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That's their problem.

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That's not my problem.

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What if like nothing is under control?

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We are being lived by life, and then on top of that, we've got this almost

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like, it's like, you know, when you watch a, when you watch a film With

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the, the, not just the subtitles, but the, the, the closed captioning.

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And it's going same of door closing.

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You know, it's a little why if life's a bit like that.

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But it's that, it's that life's happening.

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And then we've got this kind of like DVD commentary, track o overlaid over the

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whole thing with the mind going, you know, well look, I did that, which is again, why

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it makes an enemy of the present moment.

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Because when we are truly present to life, when we're in flow, when we're in

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the, the, the effortless creative flow of life, it's commentary just, just

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isn't, it's surplus to requirements.

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It's.

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But are you saying then that we have no choice

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Is are, are we going?

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There

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Go on.

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Let's, let's go there.

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wasn't it?

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I think it was Schopenhauer that said you, you're free to do whatever it is you want.

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You're just not free to choose what you want.

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You know, we can talk until the cows come home, but like bringing it into the real

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world, there are, you know, there are real life consequences to some of these things.

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To a lot of these things.

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So it's understandable that, that in a, in a lot of situations, it will, it

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will be difficult, like inverted commas difficult to make, to make decisions

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because there's one mind created future, and then there's another mind

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created future, but it's really, really helpful to see that they're both mind

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created futures that we c we can't actually predict what's gonna happen.

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And dancing to the tune of the mind, you know, having a bit more

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understanding of what's going on means that we are a bit more in tune

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with that, again, flow intuition.

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gut instinct, just like doing the next thing that makes sense,

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not making a big deal about it.

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And if we don't know, I think, I think one of the biggest problems is that a,

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a lot of the time we don't know what to do in any particular situation.

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And we feel like we should, but we don't need to Right there and then.

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And that's when the, the mind really, you know, like you, preparing

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for a talk or a, a presentation or, or, or something like that.

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You know, it's like it's in a week's time.

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But we don't have a clear picture of exactly what it is we're gonna say

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or how we're gonna do it or, and the mind, again, the mind hates that.

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'Cause it just like, it likes to know, it wants, it likes to feel

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like everything's sorted in advance.

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So it talks a lot.

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I get this like loads 'cause I'm, you know, I'm always, as, you know, I

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write every day these days and, and, and, and I run Wellbeing Wednesdays.

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And so I'm, you know, in front of audiences and stuff and, and just

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observing what, how the mind responds to that is endlessly fascinating to me.

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It's, oh, Giles, you know, you haven't done this, you haven't done that, you need

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to do this, it's gonna be a toll disaster.

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And it's like, yeah, they're their mind, you know?

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Yeah, I know, I know.

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Yeah, your input's not heard.

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Does it make sense for me to be preparing for it right now?

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Well, no, actually there's 10 other things that are more important right now.

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Or there's really, there's only one I can do.

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So there's one other thing that's important right now, more

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important, and I'm doing that.

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Thanks.

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I don't need to be having my attention drawn by the activity of the mind

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about its insecurities right now.

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' cause I wanna be present to what it is I'm doing.

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Actually,

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But surely there's value in changing some of those thoughts.

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So if you can actually change the way that your mind is thinking, then you're

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going to be experiencing less distress when you forget to keep remembering that

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it's not real, et cetera, et cetera.

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I've never had any luck trying to change my thoughts.

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Rachel.

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You know, I, I just, I, I, I think we get the thoughts that we're given.

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I think, I think it's a, it can become something of a burden.

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Certainly my experience of the whole kinda like world of, of, of personal

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development, of, of, of feeling like I should be able to change

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my experience, that it's on me.

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And, and when we say on me, what we are really saying is on, on my mind, you know?

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Because the, if the mind body is, is, is, is moving through life, is being

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lived by life, is just doing what makes sense, is responding in a way that

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makes sense and, and we've got this, this narrative overlaid and that it's,

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that the mind is, is is trying to take ownership of all of the activities

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and the decisions and everything.

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And, and so it can be a bit unhelpful, i, I framed, um, and you

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know, I do with clients because, because they're like, well.

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I, I feel like I should be doing things differently.

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I feel like I, I, I, I should be able to, to, to deal with this in a different way.

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I feel like I should be able to do something about, about this.

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And again, it's just gently inviting.

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Well, maybe, maybe you are not in control of that at all.

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And seeing that, just seeing that again, just shifts things.

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It shifts people's perspectives.

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It's like, what, what, what if everything that I'm doing is, is,

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is just making sense right now?

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Well, that in itself is kind of like shifting something in the

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background and, and, and different things then make sense, and you find

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yourself behaving in a different way.

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I'm just trying to work out how you can actually do some of the things

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that are gonna shift you away from stress and burnout in medicine.

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If you are not looking at, not just attaching to your thoughts, but the

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way you're thinking about some things.

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'cause you've got to change your thinking to start to realize

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that the mind is just the mind.

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That's a thought changing thing as well, isn't it?

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Well, maybe, just listening to a discussion like this is enough.

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Because the big changes that we see in our lives, they do come

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around from shifts in perspective.

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They do come around from shifts in thinking, you know, like you and I

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have talked about alcohol in the past, and that was a big one, wasn't it?

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And we get these shifts in perspective.

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And the, that's not something that we bring about ourselves.

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I think what, what this approach, if you wanna call it an approach

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or a viewpoint, is what you called at the beginning, wasn't it?

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You know, the, the, the, the beauty of this viewpoint is, as far as I

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can tell, is like, you know, it's like, it, this is the way it is.

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It's a bit like gravity, you know?

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It's just the, the, the, the gravity's always there.

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It doesn't really care about you.

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You can believe in it or not believe in it.

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It doesn't make any difference.

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It's, it's, it's always switched on, you know?

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And it's a little bit the same with this.

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It's like, well, we we're always living in, we're always living in a

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thought created perceptual reality.

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That, that's just the way it is, basically.

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You know?

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Sure.

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Does it look like that?

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No, of course.

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It doesn't look like that at all.

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It's like the blooming best illusion the world has ever seen.

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It's like, it's amazing.

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But it, I think it's got to look completely true in order for

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us to function as human beings.

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But then to see through that trick of the mind just means that we can take

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it less seriously, and maybe, looking in this direction, you know, there'll

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be people who have switched off this podcast a long time ago, Rachel, 'cause

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I don't want to hear what that, oh God.

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It's another one with that Giles bloke.

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He, he talks a load of waffle.

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And then there'll be other people who are like, oh, it's, you know,

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it is, it's that Giles bloke again.

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Like the, the, when Rach and Giles were looking in that particular direction, I

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didn't really get it because getting it again is an intellectual thing, isn't it?

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You know, what, if there's nothing to get here, what if there's

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nothing to get here at all?

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What if it's like, this is just the way that things are, and always have

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been and always will be, and, And just realizing that, and those realizations

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are more likely to happen when we're not having an argument in our head

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about yeah, you know, yeah, but.

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You know, I see my job a lot of the time as, as managing those expectations,

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managing the mind's response to all of this, to to, to help it go to sleep

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a little bit, so that we can see Oh, yeah, underneath, that mind experience,

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I actually find myself, I find who I really am, and I, and, and, and it,

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it feels good, it, it feels right.

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It feels like home, and it's okay that the mind does what it does, but

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I don't have to take it seriously.

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It's just chatter.

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Maybe what we're talking about more is having to change your beliefs.

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If you change your beliefs, then, then that changes your thoughts, but your

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beliefs have changed about what the mind does and how helpful the mind is, which

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has then helps you change your thinking.

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And yes, when he said, have I ever been able to change my

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thinking, I would say, yes, I have.

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But if, and use the alcohol things as an, as a an example, I

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did the, uh, alcohol experiment.

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We talked about the, uh, Annie Grace stuff called the, I think the Naked Mind?

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This Naked Mind.

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Brilliant book.

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If you wanna just like, change your relationship with alcohol, you know, I

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just realized that I was just, you know.

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Having more than I wanted to.

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Uh, I didn't feel like I was addicted at all, but I just wanted to break that hole

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that I felt alcohol had on me sometimes.

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So I decided to do this as you say, alcohol experiment.

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And the way it works is you listen to it, they talk to you

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about your beliefs about alcohol.

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Like, I need alcohol to relax or I need alcohol to have a good time.

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And then you tried an experiment.

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You say, well, if I go out and I don't have a drink, is it gonna be okay?

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And you do that and then you realize your beliefs change.

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'cause you start to believe, oh, I was okay, and actually I don't

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need alcohol to relax and have fun.

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So it's, your beliefs have changed and therefore your thinking.

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So my thinking around it is totally changed.

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And I, I do feel like I, you know, it just doesn't have that, that hold on

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me of having to have it all the time, which is, which is absolutely great.

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But I did need to do something and I did need to look at my beliefs,

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which then changed my thinking.

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It didn't just happen.

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I couldn't just say, right, I'm just gonna realize it's my mind wanting alcohol,

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therefore I'm just gonna leave it.

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That didn't work for me.

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Again, if we go back to my, my 50th birthday card, relax, nothing

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is, is under control, are you open to the idea that, you know,

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that that was gonna happen anyway?

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And, and, and that, that's, given your experience of your genetics

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and your biology and the, whatever it is, 13.8 billion years of

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cause and effect that came before this thing we call Rachel Morris?

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You know, given, in my, given all that has come to bear in this moment with this

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experience that you are having, that it, you know, it, it couldn't have been any

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different, you know, reality is, reality, is we, we get, we get what we're given.

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And, I think trying to change a belief, for me, there's so much more power

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in, in seeing that our experience of lifelike is just one big belief.

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It's like all of our, all of our behaviors come from belief and, know,

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to like just get a bit of distance from that is, and to get a bit of

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distance from the need to do anything.

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You know, what if that was the mind, Rachel?

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What if that's the mind saying, come on, come on, we need to do

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something, we need to do something.

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Because aren't, aren't you and I in the business of taking things off

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people's plates, Rachel, really?

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You know, if when it comes to stress and overwhelm stuff, don't we want to give

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people an easier experience giving them a whole load of stuff to do and them

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beating themselves up 'cause they don't do it, or beating themselves up 'cause

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they don't get the results that they want.

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I've been there, I've been there.

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It's like, it's not a pleasant place to be at all.

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So, Giles, what advice would you give people if people were

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saying, yeah, no, I, I agree.

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I agree with this.

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I'd love to be able to detach a little bit more.

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how how do we actually do that?

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Can I do something different here?

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Can I read something I've written because it really answers this Question.

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This is just a, an article I wrote for a magazine and, just let it wash over you.

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Listen to it as if you were listening to a piece of music.

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There's no information in here that's gonna give you a how to, there's no, there

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are no there, there, there's nothing that you need to remember and apply from this,

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but I want you to give yourself the, a treat, give yourself the luxury of taking

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five minutes off life just to be open to things not being quite as they seem.

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So I called this one, uh, No Ways to Wellbeing.

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I think it was in response to the five Ways to Wellbeing,

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no Ways to Wellbeing.

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And it starts, um, with a quote from the Scottish mystics, Sydney

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Banks, who said, the belief that it takes time to find wisdom is one

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of the greatest fallacies on earth.

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Wisdom is not learned, it is unfolded from within.

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I recently had the honor of sharing some of these writings with a group of

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crafters in my wife's shop, plug for the Wool Craft in Abergavenny there.

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They meet up regularly to make lovely woolly stuff, and in doing so,

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satisfy those five ways to wellbeing.

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We're always hearing about: connect with others.

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Be active, take notice, keep learning, and give.

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It seemed like the perfect forum for these reflections on the human condition.

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So I pulled up a chair and joined them as is usual when sharing with

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a new group, there were questions, I say new, but of course no one

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is new to this understanding.

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We all know it on some level.

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It's stuff we already do, isn't it?

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It just needs someone to point it out to us, said one member.

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The most obvious of these were the why questions, why we like this.

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Why can we not see the simplicity of life?

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Why is it so hard to be present?

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Because between us, there was an easy acceptance of the fact that

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contentment and peace of mind are to be found now in presence.

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And there was a recognition that inside is the place to look for it.

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ie not to the impermanent, false idols of the outside world,

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possessions, status, dependency.

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There was also a tangible feeling of connection and oneness in the room.

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A rightness to the materials being shared, manifesting as a desire by everyone there

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to hear more of these simple truths.

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But then we faltered as the mind reared its head with all

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of its unanswerable questions.

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Why, what?

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How?

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What should we do now then?

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Well, you are already doing it.

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How do we spend more time being present?

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Oh, the irony of that question.

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Well, you are already there.

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You've already got what you're looking for.

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You see, we'd spent this time together in a lovely feeling, and yet the

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mind wanted more, more answers, more content, more tools, more

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space and time to figure it out.

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But these are just the mind pulling us away from the very thing we want.

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It is the source of our discontent, another disguised aspect of

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the outside world that contains none of the wisdom we seek.

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You could give it everything it thinks it needs in order to quiet down and then 10

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minutes later it would be back for more.

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Nope, that's not it.

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What else have you got?

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So what if you are your own answer?

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What if there's no need for anything more than that?

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What if each moment that comes along is a gift?

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One that you can savor or one that you can be distracted from by the

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minds inexhaustible demands for more, different, better, not this?

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Wellbeing is here, it's now.

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It's who and what you are always and forever.

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It is the very definition of look within.

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With love, Giles.

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Where can people find out more about you and your work?

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My website, gilespcroft.com.

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I've got a, a, a newsletter, um, called The Daily Reminders, because I've seen

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that the biggest problem I think we face is that we forget our true nature.

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We forget all the time because we're human, because it's, because it's all

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hidden behind this amazing illusion that makes everything look true,

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that makes our version of reality look true, and, and we forget.

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So I've taken to sending pithy little daily reminders by

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email that people really love.

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So if you head over to my website, I think you, you get them, don't you, Rachel?

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I do.

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I enjoy them.

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I like these little pithy.

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It reminds us to make my own of little bit more pithy.

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Oh, well there is the occasional, very long one.

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Thanks for listening.

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Don't forget, you can get extra bonus episodes and audio courses along with

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unlimited access to our library of videos and CPD workbooks by joining

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FrogXtra and FrogXtra Gold, our memberships to help busy professionals

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like you beat burnout and work happier.

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Find out more at youarenotafrog.com/members.

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