📺 Watch on YouTube and Spotify

"Addictions are when wants become needs—and wants become needs as a result of unmet needs," says Speaker A, holistic health practitioner and host of Mental Health in a Modern World. Drawing from a decade of experience helping clients navigate anxiety and OCD, Speaker A dives deep into the epidemic of “socially approved” addictions, from scrolling social media to processed food and caffeine, and unravels why most of us are unconsciously trapped in cycles of self-sabotage.

In this episode, Speaker A explains how socially normalized patterns of addiction are rooted in invisible wounds: attachment injuries, unmet essential needs, and the internal wars between our desires and our deeper needs. He breaks down frameworks for understanding the psychology behind addiction—including Gabor Maté’s cost-benefit ratio, the alignment of "head and heart," and the role of internal "protector parts" that uphold destructive habits.

If you want to uncover the hidden contracts that keep you trapped, decode what unmet needs are fueling your habits, and hear actionable steps for healing addictive patterns at the deepest level, tune in to Mental Health in a Modern World for this insightful solo episode with Speaker A.

5 Key Takeaways

Transform your relationship with addiction by putting these steps into practice now:

1. Take a Needs vs. Wants Inventory: Write two columns for your essential needs and non-essential wants; identify which wants have turned into needs and which needs consistently go unmet.
2. Reflect on Attachment Injuries: Look back at your childhood to uncover breaks or injuries in your attachments to caregivers and where you may have sacrificed authenticity to secure attachment.
3. Identify Your Story Gap: Recognize any discrepancy between your internal feelings and the story you project outwardly to others—closing this gap removes a major driver of addiction.
4. Check Your Head-Heart Alignment: Explore where your head and heart (or mind and body) are out of alignment, and commit to making choices that unite your intellect and intuition.
5. Write Out Your Unconscious Contracts: Clearly state your unconscious agreements driving self-sabotage—identify the behavior, its perceived benefit, and its cost, and start the process of renegotiating these contracts.

Start now—empower yourself by taking one concrete step from this list today!

Memorable Quotes

"Addictions are when wants become needs, and wants become needs as a result of unmet needs."

"You can't escape the prison that you don't know you're in."

"Addiction is when a want becomes a need."

Resources Mentioned

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté - https://amzn.to/4tz76fu

Introduction to Internal Family Systems by Richard C. Schwartz - https://amzn.to/4uQgAnP

Connect with Greg

Website - https://www.healing4d.com/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/4d_healing/

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@gregschmaus

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/greg-schmaus-22929589/

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Addictions are when wants become needs

and wants become needs as a result of unmet

needs. So that's a very simple but powerful

framework to begin to take inventory of

your needs and your wants where your wants sometimes become

needs, classifying that as an addiction. And then what are the

unmet needs that have a tendency to go

overlooked that opens the door for an addiction.

In a world moving faster than our minds were designed to handle, mental

health is becoming one of the defining challenges of our time. Welcome to Mental

Health in a Modern World with holistic health practitioner Greg

Schmauss. After overcoming severe anxiety and OCD in

his own life, Greg dedicated the past decade to helping others heal

through a fully integrated approach to mental health, combining lifestyle

coaching, psycho emotional healing, mindfulness, and

archetypal work. Over the years, he's facilitated thousands of

sessions guiding people back to peace, clarity and a deeper

connection with themselves. Each week, Greg shares powerful solo

insights, conversations with leading voices in holistic healing, and

immersive live coaching sessions that take you inside the healing process

itself. New episodes every Friday follow the show and start

reclaiming sovereignty over your mind in a modern world. Here's

Greg. Welcome back to Mental Health

in a Modern World. Today we are diving into healing the

roots of addiction. And this is such an important topic right

now. There's, from my perspective, an epidemic of

addiction due to various reasons, one of which being

social media and technology, another in which being

the processed food industry. Most people's

neurochemistry and dopamine systems is quite hijacked.

And most people are living with what we would call socially

approved addictions, whether it's to social media, sugar,

processed food, television and entertainment. So it's

really essential that we dive into this topic, especially right now

in the world with the rates of addiction really reaching an all

time high and are even misrepresented because

unfortunately, patterns of addiction have almost become

normalized with a lot of, like I said, the socially

approved addictions like social media, sugar,

caffeine, nicotine, a lot of the norms

that most people are living day in and day out, addicted to

and might not even know it. You know, there's an old saying, you can't escape

the prison that you don't know you're in. And so a lot of people are

swimming in addiction and don't even know it. Like the fish that doesn't know that

it's in water. So diving into this topic of healing the

roots of addiction today, I felt was really timely and really essential.

So just to start out, we're going to explore what is an addiction? And I

took a simple definition from Gabor Mate, who's one of

the leading world experts in the field of trauma and addiction.

And very simply, an addiction is any repeated behavior that

offers temporary pleasure and relief, but also

brings long term negative consequences, right? So

anytime we have an addiction, there's an addiction to a person,

place or thing, whatever it is, and we'll get into the various forms of

addiction that offers a temporary feeling of

pleasure or relief from something, but also

comes with long term negative consequences.

But due to the benefit of it that we're perceiving as

outweighing the cost, we continue to repeat the behavior.

So whenever there's an addiction or a pattern of self sabotage,

there's always a cost benefit ratio that we're

unconsciously calculating. And we continue

to play out or carry out these addictive tendencies

or patterns of self sabotage when we see more

benefit than we do cost. And we usually overcome the

patterns of addiction or heal the patterns of self sabotage

when the cost outweighs the benefit. And this is a lot of our

perception, but unconsciously, we're always working with an

unconscious contract of the cost benefit ratio of

any addiction or pattern of self sabotage. So the

different kinds of addiction that we might see nowadays would be alcohol,

recreational drugs, prescription drugs, food,

entertainment, pornography, social media,

exercise, codependent or unhealthy relationships,

sex, information consumption, et cetera. Really

anything that you're in relationship can become an addiction

depending on how you're in relationship with it. So we could be in

a relationship with all of these things. Alcohol, recreational drugs,

prescription drugs, food, sex, social media. We can be in

a relationship with all of these things in a healthy way. But it's

really a matter of where our power is placed. Is our power placed

outside of us that creates dependency, that creates addiction,

or does our power remain contained within us as we're

in healthy relationship with all of these various things?

And so we have the definition of an addiction. Any

repeated behavior that offers temporary pleasure or relief, but

brings long term negative consequences. The

unconscious cost benefit ratio and the different kinds of

addiction that we might find ourselves in relationship with, all

of which relating to our relationship with power and whether

that power is placed outside of us or is contained within us

in relationship to whatever that thing is.

Now, the first thing we're going to explore when it comes to healing the

roots of addiction is exploring needs versus

wants, right? So we all have needs that are

essential for our survival and then essential

for us to be healthy, happy and whole,

right? So these needs would be Sleep,

movement, organic or nutritious food,

time spent in nature, clean water,

healthy relationships, creativity, a

sense of purpose, community, right? So these are

all essential needs that are like the building blocks or foundation

that allow us to be healthy, happy and whole as human beings.

Now, wants, on the other hand, wants are

non essential, but they add color and they add

flavor to life, right? Once in a while, I like having

some ice cream. Once in a while I like watching a movie.

Once in a while I like going out to a restaurant. Once in a while

I like smoking some cannabis or some

organic clean tobacco, whatever it might be, right? So

whatever it is for you, the wants add color and richness and

flavor to life, where the needs are essential

to be healthy, happy and whole. Right? Exercise,

sleep, connection, relationships, time in nature, sense

of purpose, things like that. So we have needs which are

essential and wants which are non essential, but add

color and add flavor and add more life

to life. Now what is an addiction? An addiction is when a want

becomes a need, right? So instead of saying I want a cup

of coffee, you say, I need a cup of coffee. Instead of saying

I want a drink, you say I need a drink. And instead of saying

I want some ice cream or, or a snack, you

say, I need ice cream or a snack. Instead of saying

I want to watch television, you say, I need to

watch television, right? So anytime a want

becomes a need, we can classify that as an

addiction. And now addictions happen

as a result of unmet needs. So for

example, if you say I need a cup

of coffee rather than I want a cup of coffee,

that want becoming a need is a result of an

unmet need, which is probably quality sleep.

Or if you say I need a drink rather than I want

a drink, you want to look at what is the unmet need, whether

it is healthy relationships, a sense of purpose in life.

For example, if you're working a job that you really hate

and you have no sense of purpose in life and you don't find value and

meaning in your work, you come home each day and you say, gosh, I need

a drink. So the unmet need is a sense

of purpose, mission or value in life. And as a

result of that, the wanting a drink becomes a needing a

drink at the end of the day. So you can see how needs are essential

to be healthy, happy and whole. Wants are not

essential, but add color and flavor to life.

Addictions are when wants become needs

and wants become needs as a result of unmet

needs. So that's a very simple but powerful

framework to begin to Take inventory of

your needs and your wants, where your wants sometimes become

needs, Classifying that as an addiction. And then what are the

unmet needs that have a tendency to go

overlooked that opens the door for an addiction,

right? So one thing that I would invite you to do, maybe at the end

of the episode, you can even pause it right now, but maybe listen through the

episode, and then at the end, I'm going to share some action items for you.

Taking a needs versus wants inventory, Right? So you can draw

two columns. Needs on one side, wants on the other side. Write out

all your essential needs. Write out all of your non essential

wants. Ask yourself which of these wants have a tendency to become

needs. And then ask yourself what are the most common needs that go

unmet in my life, which is opening the door for addiction?

Right? So that's the needs versus wants inventory that

is absolutely essential for healing addiction.

Now, if we go a little deeper,

Almost all addictions, possibly all addictions,

are rooted in what we call attachment injuries.

Now, a little background on what an attachment is.

As children, we are always looking to secure

attachments with our mother, our father, or

our primary caregivers. Now, in attachments

is a safe and secure connection, right? So when we

secure an attachment, we secure a safe

connection to mom, dad, or caregiver. And that

allows us to feel safe, it allows us to feel

loved, it allows us to feel cared for, and it allows

us to feel a sense of connection. Now, attachment

injuries are when there's a break in that safe

and secure connection between child and parents, or

child and primary caregiver. And so when we have these

attachment injuries, whether it's because

mom or dad left, or for some reason as young

children, we had a break and had to spend an extended period

of time without one of our parents. Or maybe our parents

carry trauma and. Or maybe our parents carried

addiction or whatever it might be. And there's parts of our parents

that feel inaccessible. And there's times in which we feel like our

parent is very distant or they're emotionally unavailable,

where we have a hard time actually connecting with them for various

reasons. And so our attachment injuries

over time cause us to have to seek

secure attachments through other means. And a

lot of times, addictions become the replacements

for those attachment injuries, right? So an addiction, you

could say, is a secure attachment or an attempt

at securing an attachment due to or as

a result of attachment injuries in our

formative years as children, right? So let's say

mom carried a lot of trauma, and a lot of

aspects of mom were emotionally Unavailable. Or let's

say we had to, on some level, Attune to our

parents Emotional needs. And almost caretake

our parents on certain levels. Rather than our parents simply

attuning to us. That's a very common source of addiction as well.

So anytime we have these breaks and attachments,

Attachment injuries. We always look for other means

to secure attachments. To create safe connection, to find

comfort, to find love, to find relief. And

addictions are always reliable sources of comfort.

Reliable sources of connection. Reliable sources

of relief. Reliable sources of feeling held by something

that's not going to judge you. That's not going to reject you.

That's not going to abandon you. And that's not going to ask anything

of you, right? So addictions are always a replacement

for secure attachment. As a result of our attachment injuries. And

we're gonna dive a little deeper into this. One of the most common

sources of addiction. Are these attachment injuries. And so

another thing I'd invite you to do. Is go back to your childhood and ask

yourself. Were there times in my life. In which I

experienced. What we might call an attachment injury.

Whether it's with my mother, with my father, or any

primary caregiver. And this could be a time where we may have felt

abandoned, rejected, judged or

criticized. Or our parent felt

unavailable. Whether physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Or if we had to be the caretaker to one of our parents.

Or if we had to attune to our parents. Sometimes even more than they were

attuned to our needs. We had to be attuned to their needs. So

what was the potential attachment injury.

That set the stage. Or the perfect environment.

For an addiction. To come in. As a replacement

for that secure attachment. That was injured once upon a time?

As we have these attachment injuries. One of the

great dilemmas that starts to unfold

inside of us. Is this dilemma between

authenticity and attachment. So, as

children, because we are totally dependent on

our mother. On our father, or on

our caregivers for our survival. We

start to learn this sense of who do I have to become

As a means of securing attachment? Who do I have to

be to secure my basic needs. Of food,

water, shelter, warmth, love

and connection? Who do I have to be to secure

my needs to secure my attachments? And a lot

of times we forego authenticity.

As a means of securing attachment. So we learn that

being our authentic self is not okay. It's not

safe. And we must secure attachments. By

becoming a different version of ourselves. So we

sabotage authenticity As a means of

securing attachment. And this creates our

protective system. This creates patterns of adaptation.

And this also creates a lot of shadow material.

And so we often medicate the pain of not

being our authentic self As a result of trying to

secure attachments through addictive patterning.

So we medicate the pain of disconnecting from our

authenticity in order to secure attachments

with patterns of addiction. So taking a look

at your life, where do I have a tendency to sabotage

my authenticity? Whether it's through my voice,

through my self expression, through who I am, what I

love to do, my yeses and no's in my

relationships, where do I forego authenticity

to secure attachment? And how is my addiction

a side effect? Or the collateral damage or the self

medicating of where I forego authenticity

to secure attachment? Right. So we have the

attachment injuries, we have authenticity versus

attachment. And a little bit prior, we had the needs

versus wants inventory. Now we're going to

dive into what's called the story gap. And this is along the

lines of authenticity versus attachment. Now, the

story gap is the difference between your

internal story and your external story,

right? So the difference between the story you're telling inside

that you're telling yourself and the story you're telling outside.

So a very simple example would be

you're, let's say as a child or as an adult, you're feeling sad

one day and your mother or father comes up to you,

Or a friend comes up to you and says, hey, Greg, how are you doing?

And you say, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm feeling good,

I'm good, thanks. That's a story gap, right? Because internally

we're feeling sad. So the internal story is I'm sad

and I'm upset about something. The external story

is I'm good or I'm fine. Right? So you see the gap

or the difference between the internal story and external story.

Now, two things happen. Number one is we usually create

fatigue because when we're living a story

gap, we're holding two stories and we

have to divide our energy in half, right? So we

split ourselves in half, we Invest Energy into

two stories, and our Life Force

capacity drops by 50%. So the story

gap opens the door for not just

fatigue, but it also opens the door for addiction.

Right? The greater the story gap, the greater chance there

is for addiction. You know, most people that struggle with

addictions Are usually people who are hiding things,

who are not being truthful about things, who are creating

a story gap in their internal and external,

internal and external life. And we self medicate the

pain of our story gap Using patterns of addiction,

right? So taking A look at where you have a tendency to create

a story gap between your internal story and

your external story. Now, the next piece we're going to dive into

is the alignment of the head and the heart,

right? So the head represents our intellect.

The heart represents our intuition.

And we could say our gut represents our instincts, right?

So we have intellect, mind, intuition,

heart, instinct, gut. So these are

kind of like the three brains, so to speak, right? You actually

have neurons in your heart that are exactly the same as your brain,

and you actually have more neurons in your gut than your brain and

spinal cord combined, right? So your gut is actually the

largest brain in the body. And the heart also

has neurons that are similar to the brain inside of it.

So you actually have three brains, and each one of them plays

different roles, right? This is the rational

intellect. This is the intuition in the heart. And then

the gut is the instinctual nature, right? So today we're going

to talk about the. The head and heart alignment,

right? So addiction is an expression of

choice. When the head and the heart are out of

alignment. So whenever we struggle with addiction,

the head usually says one thing, and the heart

says another thing, and it creates confusion or

conflict or polarization within ourselves.

When we create this internal polarization, we create

confusion or division, right? So the head says, turn

left, the heart says, turn right. And your

capacity to make an aligned choice is compromised.

Okay? So what we want to do is we want to take a look at

where is my head and heart out of alignment? For example,

if your head says, I should work as an

accountant because I'm getting a steady paycheck and it's

reliable, and I have bills to pay, even though it's not what I love

to do. But your heart says, I have such a

deep passion for being an artist or being a musician or being

a healer or being an architect.

A lot of times, that division between head and heart will

open the door for addiction. So let's say

you're overriding the wisdom, intuition,

or passion of the heart all day. And you're overriding

it by living out the ideas that your head is telling you to

do, like being an accountant. Even though it's something that you

despise doing, you will come home and have

patterns of addiction to medicate the pain of that. So a lot

of what opens the door for addiction is when the head

and the heart are out of alignment. Whenever there's a

misalignment between head and heart, Addiction is one of

the first and most common side effects. The heart

desires one thing. The head Says to do another.

The more you override the heart and listen to the head

over time, addictions are going to be the way

that you medicate the pain of that. So another thing you want to take

a look at is where is my head and heart out of alignment?

And a lot of the choices that we make are when our head

and our heart are out of alignment, even our mind and body

out of alignment. For example, if you're eating food

and you reach a point of physical satiation,

your body knows it's full, like you're not hungry anymore, but for some reason,

you keep eating and you keep eating and you keep eating and you keep eating.

That's a lot of the mind driven desires that are really

hungry for something else. It could be, I'm hungry for

more love. I'm hungry for greater purpose. I'm hungry for

more connection. I'm hungry for emotional

expression, I'm hungry for creativity. But

instead of expressing those deep desires, we

actually fill ourselves with patterns of

addiction as a means of medicating those

unexpressed needs as a result of, once again,

the head and the heart, or the mind and the body out of

alignment. So we start feeding ourselves based on our mind,

even though our body is saying, I've had enough, right? So you see,

in many ways, the alignment of the head and the heart

and the alignment of the mind and the body are so

essential. And when the mind and body are out of alignment,

or the head and heart are out of congruence, or

in a state of conflict or polarization, we

open the door for addiction. So taking a look, where is

my head and heart or my mind and body out of alignment?

Another example would be a lot of people have exercise addiction. So they wake

up and let's say they are feeling really

tired or fatigued or burnt out one day

and they still go to the gym and do a really

hard workout. Well, if you ask the body what are you really

wanting? It might say, I'm wanting a nap, I'm wanting a

massage, I'm wanting a sauna, I'm wanting to just go take a

walk in nature because I'm depleted. But because of our

addiction, we override what the body is saying. And our mind

is craving a workout to fulfill other needs. And

so we actually end up sabotaging the body to fulfill the

mind's desire. Do you see how so much of

addiction is the imbalance of the mind and the body or

misalignment of the head and the heart? Now we're going to dive into

parts Work. Now, I've introduced parts

work in the past on previous episodes in which

our mind is not just this

one mind, but it's actually a

multiplicity of parts within one mind,

right? So there's not one self within the mind.

There's a multiplicity of parts within the psyche,

right? So this is the multiplicity theory. Now, in the past, this was

often pathologized as, say, multiple

personality disorder. But the truth is, if we

explore our language, we always see

a multiplicity of parts within it. For example,

there's been times where we say, part of me wants to do this,

but another part of me wants to do that, or a part of me

feels this way about that situation, and a part of me

feels that way about this situation, right? So we all

have this experience of different and often

conflicting parts within ourselves. And so

based on the framework of parts,

an addiction is always an expression of what we would call

protector parts. And this is based on the teachings of

Richard Schwartz in ifs, or internal family

systems. So in ifs, we have

what's called protector parts and protector parts

job is to protect the wounded or

exiled parts that experience trauma. Now,

I'm of the belief that almost all addiction is rooted in trauma.

Gabor Mate talks about this. All addiction is rooted in trauma.

So whenever we have trauma, we have

exiled parts that get frozen in time. They

get stuck in traumatic experiences. And what

happens is we recruit protector parts as a

means or as a way of protecting these exiles.

Now, we have different kinds of protectors. We have what's

what we would call managers and what we would call

firefighters. Now, managers are

proactive addictive patterns.

If we're looking at through the lens of addiction, that are

there to keep the exiles locked away

and keep the old wounds, traumas, or unprocessed emotions from

getting triggered. So the manager's job is to

manage the system through patterns of addiction or other means

as a way of keeping the exiles from getting

activated. Now, firefighters, on the other

hand, are reactive protectors

whose job is to put out the fire once the exiles get

triggered. So, for example, a firefighter might be

someone who binges on food once a core wound is

activated. So let's say someone gets judged or criticized and they

feel deep shame. The firefighter is there to eat

the shame away, right? To put out the fire to make sure that the shame

is buried through large amounts of bingeing or food

consumption. Now, a manager might be

someone who uses caffeine as

a way of giving you enough energy to keep

doing the things you need. To do to secure your self worth.

Right. So if someone's addicted to work and they only

find self worth through their work or even

exercise, a lot of times we will use stimulants

or even exercise addiction as a way of

securing our worth to make sure that our shame or

our insecurities don't get activated. Or a lot of times

we will use prescription or recreational

drugs to sedate the unprocessed emotions. It could

be prescription drugs like antidepressants or

pain meds, or recreational drugs like

cannabis or alcohol. A lot of managers we

might use proactively, some of these

sedative compounds as a way of keeping

our core emotions, our core wounds, from getting

activated or for being brought up to the surface. Right?

So we might have manager addictions that are proactive,

keeping wounds tucked away, or firefighter

addictions, which are reactive, which are there to put out

the fire once a core wound, core emotion,

or trauma does get triggered. And a lot of times

we create what's called an addiction cycle, which is

a negative feedback loop of parts that

constantly inflame each other. A lot of times with patterns

of addiction, we have what's called polarized protectors,

which are protectors that are playing opposing roles

and constantly inflaming or triggering each other.

And this creates a negative feedback loop or

a closed cycle. And we'll dive into that in one sec.

If we take an example, such as a perfectionist and a

critic, those would be polarized parts. So a

perfectionist is doing everything it can to make you

perfect, Usually to protect you from shame,

from insecurity, from judgment, et cetera. But

obviously, perfectionism is inevitably going to fail

because we can never uphold perfection. And so a

lot of times, once we fail to meet those high

expectations, we notice an inner critic.

And that inner critic judges and criticize,

criticizes the way that we may have failed to meet certain

expectations. And that creates a pattern of shame.

Now, when we have that feeling of shame, a lot of times we might reach

for an addiction to self, soothe that shame.

And now what happens after we reach for that addiction is it

inflames that perfectionist. And now we try and be perfect,

we abstain, we try and control, we try and clean

everything up, you know, starting on Monday, no sugar, no alcohol,

no this, no that. And we create these control patterns of

perfectionism, which once again inevitably fail

and inflames the critic. And the critic has more things

to judge and criticize, which creates more shame.

The shame creates another pattern of self soothing. And then the pattern

of Self soothing once again inflames the perfectionist. And we

are on this revolving circle, this loop

that constantly feeds on itself. So a lot of

addiction is actually a negative feedback loop of protector parts that

are constantly inflaming each other. And some of the most

common are perfectionists, critics, and self

soothing parts. And so you can see how those

patterns keep going around and around and around and around,

sometimes on a, even a weekly basis. Right. We see this

a lot with, with food,

for example. People say, okay, I'm going to cut out all sugar starting

on Monday. And they try and be this like perfect

specimen of dietary expression. And then all of a

sudden, something happens and they eat something

and the critic gets activated and they feel shame around

it. So by Friday, they end up self soothing and eating a whole

pizza and drinking some beer. And then by Monday

morning, that perfectionist gets triggered again, once again, this

negative feedback loop. And so you can see how this addiction

cycle just feeds on itself. Now within all of that,

we have what's called unconscious contracts.

And this is based on the work of Family Constellation, of

Sarah Payton, and of Bert Hellinger, who is the founder of Family

Constellation. And these unconscious contracts are

essentially the unconscious agreements that we make with

ourselves and with others as a way of securing

attachments, creating safety, and avoiding conflict,

pain or trauma. And so these unconscious contracts are written

out in a specific way. An unconscious contract would be written

out like this. I, Greg, solemnly swear to my essential

self. Right? So it's an agreement. I, Greg, solemnly swear

to my essential self, I'm making an agreement with myself that

I will blank. And that blank is the self

destructive behavior. I will binge on food,

I will consume too much alcohol, I will

scroll on Instagram, sit around just checking out on

social media in order to blank whatever the

benefit of that is, in order to avoid feeling my emotions, in

order to avoid confronting aspects of my life, in

order to dissociate from the anxiety or shame inside

of me, in order to medicate the lack of purpose, purpose that I felt

during my or didn't feel during my day, no matter the cost

to myself, right? So I fill in your

name, solemnly swear to my essential self. That's the

agreement that I will blank whatever the addictive,

sabotaging or self destructive behavior is, in order

to blank whatever the benefit is, no matter the cost to

myself. So you see, the ingredients of that contract is you have the agreement,

the self destructive behavior, the benefit of the

behavior, and then the cost of it. And so

the truth is, we will always continue to

Sabotage through addictive patterning. If we see

more benefit than cost, and as soon as there's more cost than

benefit, like I said earlier, we will move beyond that

contract or move beyond that pattern of addiction. And so

whenever, wherever in your life you have a pattern of sabotage or. Or

pattern of addiction, I would invite you to write out an

unconscious contract saying, I, then your name,

solemnly swear to my essential self that I will

fill in the blank with whatever the addictive pattern or

sabotaging behavior is. I will blank in

order to blank whatever the benefit of it is.

You know, soothe my emotions, avoid my shame,

avoid confronting something in my life, whether it's my work or

relationship, whatever it might be, no matter the cost to

myself. And as soon as you write out that contract,

you make it what was unconscious, you make it now

conscious, and it shifts your relationship with that pattern

just by bringing light, shining light on this

unconscious contract that is now made conscious.

And by making conscious the agreement, the

pattern, the benefit, and the cost,

it actually starts to open the door for we could

say potentially changing, revoking,

releasing, or renegotiating that contract.

Because the truth is, if there wasn't benefit in sabotaging

ourselves, we wouldn't do it. We always sabotage ourselves

when we see more benefit in doing it, then we see cost

in doing it. And the moment there's more cost than benefit,

we no longer sabotage ourselves. So I want to

take a moment and really reflect because I shared a lot with you

in this episode thus far and really break it

down into. Into some very simple action items that you can even work

with on your own as a result of going on this journey

today with me in this episode. So the first

thing is taking that needs versus Wants inventory,

Writing down your needs, writing down your wants. What

wants have a tendency to become needs, and what needs have a

tendency to go unmet? That shows you where your addictions are

and potentially what is the root cause of them. So needs

versus wants inventory number two,

exploring your attachment injuries. Where as a

child, there were breaks in safe and secure connection

and where we have foregone authenticity to secure

attachment. Right? So where did I experience attachment

injuries as a child? And where did I learn to

forego authenticity to secure my

attachments? Next is the story gap.

Where do I have a tendency to create a story gap between my

internal story and my external story? So the

greater the gap or difference between our inner and outer story,

the more we open the door for fatigue, illness, and addiction.

Next is the alignment of the head and the hearts, Right? Where

do my head and heart or mind and body have a tendency to step

out of alignment where my head says one thing, my heart says another,

my body says one thing and my mind says another, and our capacity

to make aligned choices is compromised. So exploring

the head and the heart and then exploring the addictions

as expressions of protector parts where do I have

managerial addictions which are proactive and preventative?

Where do I have firefighter addictions which are reactive

to try and put out the fire as a result of inflamed

exiles? And where do I get caught in an

addictive cycle as a result of polarized

protectors such as the perfectionist and the critic,

creating a negative feedback loop that keeps feeding

upon itself? And where can I write out my

unconscious contracts as a result of some of the

sabotaging or addictive behaviors that I find myself

expressing? Where I write out the agreement, the behavior,

the benefit, and then the cost. And so this

gives you actually quite a bit to work with on your own. And if you

would like to take a deeper dive, you can reach out to me for

some one on one coaching, you can go to

healing40.com, which is my website, my home

base where all of my coaching and program offerings are. You

can set up a free 30 minute discovery call with me if you just want

to ask some questions questions, get some insights, or if you're interested

in doing some deeper coaching work. My online

program, Healing the Mind A Journey to Wholeness is my flagship

21 day program that takes a holistic approach to mental health.

And then I also have my Healing your Core Archetypes, a Journey of

Empowerment online course which dives into the seven core

archetypes that are at the root of the healing journey which I'm going to

be doing some follow up episodes on going into some of those core

archetypes which also tie in to our patterns of

addiction. So a lot of opportunities for deeper healing

and follow up. If you'd like to take a deeper dive with me, whether

it's through one on one coaching or any of my coaching or program

offerings. So healing40.com is the best place where you can

find all of that. And for my online programs, Healing the Mind, A

Journey to Wholeness or Healing youg Core Archetypes A Journey of

Empowerment, you can use the code podcast at checkout to save

20% off. And thank you for going on this journey with me

today. Healing the Roots of Addiction and Exploring the Roots of

Addiction. I look forward to sharing more with you in next

week's episode. Have a beautiful week and I will talk to you soon. Bye.

Bye.