We are back with another exciting episode of Chosen Kin. Bia and Harry are getting into all of it. They tackle relationships and dive into meet-cute expectations, attachment styles, and the three types who keep showing up in the dating pool. Before that, we cover the influencer who allegedly faked a Duke physician assistant degree, plus Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip drama and their picks for the iconic housewife of all time. Plus, there is a ticket giveaway for The Link Up on September 4, so listen to find out how to win tickets.

Stay updated with Chosen Kin on our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chosenkinpod/

Get tickets to The Link Up here: https://posh.vip/e/chosen-kin-podcast-presents-the-link-up

Follow Bia: https://www.instagram.com/biaschae/

Follow Harry: https://www.instagram.com/harryitie/

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, y'.

All.

I'm bia.

And I am harry.

And we are chosen kin.

Hey, how's it going, Harry?

It is going.

It is going.

It really is going.

It is going.

You know, we have come to the end of summer, so I am.

I'm feeling.

I'm feeling it, but I'm good.

I'll say I'm good.

You know, it's been.

It's been a up down.

I don't know.

Is it just me, or does anyone feel like this summer has not had the same vibe like other summers?

I feel like this summer has.

There's, like, an energy, there's, like, a spirit over the summer that hasn't really been a plus for me.

So I agree with that.

I've been healing.

I've been hearing that a little bit online, specifically, folks are like, the summer is not summering.

And I feel like that as well, to a certain extent.

I do believe that, like, there have been great summer moments, but I haven't had all of my summer moments.

Like, I spent a little bit of time on the beach, but I went to Brazil.

It was cold on the beach.

Like, I didn't get my beach time that I desired, but it's like.

Yeah, Chile.

Yeah, Chile.

For real?

Yeah.

But I would say, in general, it's been fine for the most part.

I think that, you know, life keeps stirring these things, but I try to be like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, and I.

And I try to.

I try to dodge and dodge and dodge, and so that's where we're at.

We're just dodging all the things.

All the bullets, all the.

You know, that's.

That's exactly that.

Exactly that.

So.

But, yeah, apart from that, I'm good.

I'm really good.

How are you?

I.

Last time I saw the Chosen Kin fam, I was in Detroit.

I was just coming up.

I feel like I barely came up for water.

My.

Transparently, I go through a grief season in August, and this grief season really got me down because of people.

People are the worst.

But I know that I am my own grounding center.

So I've been trying to be that and just keep my head down, take shit in stride.

But it's hard taking shit in Str.

And I.

Like, this is one creator who I love named Frankie Blue.

Or Blow.

I think Blue is his name.

And he was.

He has this, like, really cute clip.

Well, I think it's cute, but he is a little raunchy for.

For people, transparently.

But I don't care.

I Love a raunch.

But he's like, no, I wish my told me what being an adult was like.

Like, he was like, when I was little, I thought, okay, I can drive, I can go out and I can go to the club and I can fudge.

Like, no one told me that all this other stuff would come with it.

And I feel that exact way.

No one told me that all of this st would come with it.

And also, I think some of us have the tools to be adults and others don't, and others also opt out of the tool, you know, like, of actually being an adult.

And this is terrible, but me and my cousin shout out to Aaron.

He does really cool parties in Richmond and so follow him at atbdo.

He's going to love this.

He's going to love this shout out.

But we were chatting and I was like, aaron, it's so much easier to be strung out on the street.

And someone was like, please, like, what's like to a friend about it too?

And she was like, please.

I'm like, no, it's so much easier to, like, opt out in this current, like, day and age and climate with the conditions and the economy is so much easier to be like, I'm going to be strung out on the street and I'm just going to live my best life on the streets.

And not saying that that's what people are actively choosing, of course, but it is a lot easier to let your life go to shambles than to, like, keep it under control and try to maintain the life that you have built for yourself.

It's so much easier to be like, fudge it.

Like, housing.

Who needs that job?

Who needs, you know, like, despite it all.

And I'm just feeling the weight of that.

But I'm coming up for air, you know.

Yeah, we have this event coming up.

The link up.

The link up.

The link up.

We actually, as two commons people, we just like, naturally eat at branding.

Like, it's just ingrained in us and I've learned that.

Yeah, but shout, Shout out to us.

Who had that.

Who had that acceptance speech?

Was it Keke Palmer or Issa who was like, shout out to me.

Like, accepted award and was like, biggest shout out to me because I believed in me.

No, but for real, shout out to us.

But we have the link up coming up on September 4 from 5 to 9 at the waiting room and we have a special, special giveaway for our chosen kids.

I love a giveaway.

Me too.

And an easy one at that.

Because these girls be like, follow this Person, follow that person.

Comment here, comment there, Give me a vial of your blood, your firstborn, and I'll see out of the dozens or hundreds of thousands if you will get this one package of random PR that I don't want.

You know, like, it don't be real giveaways, but we are gonna do a giveaway for our chosen kin.

We're giving away two sets of tickets so you can bring a buddy.

And to enter this giveaway, you just have to follow chosen kin on Instagram.

And this is.

This is the lightest list problems, I promise.

Drop us a discussion question in our pinned post of what you would like to hear from us on the podcast.

It can be a question around queerness.

It can be a question around blackness, around the diaspora.

It can be anything.

Messy, cute, fun.

A question about us.

But yeah, to enter the giveaway, follow chosen kin and drop a discussion question in our pinned post.

We will pick the winners on Wednesday.

So if you drop a comment and share and follow chosen Kinpod on Instagram, we'll make a choice and we'll announce the choice on Wednesday.

Yes.

Okay, so we'll post that soon.

And we're really excited about the link up.

We had a lively team call this morning about it.

And just so y' all know, we're.

We're really grinding for this event to be beautiful, fun, low cost for people who are attending.

It's really just all of us trying to focus on building community and finding your chosen kin, which is literally the epicenter of this podcast.

So, yeah, come to the link up and enter the giveaway.

I love a festive Harry.

When Harry does it, I'm like, yes, yes.

I'm excited.

I think that out of everything that's happening at Atlanta Black Pride this year, I'm most excited for the link up.

Not because of anything, not because it's gonna be this grandiose thing.

It's gonna be grandiose in my mind, but also because of.

It's gonna be a real chance to connect with people in a very real way.

And that is what I'm most excited for.

So, yeah.

Yeah.

And it's gonna be like a crossover of so many different folks from everywhere because Atlanta Black Pride is like, is that girl?

So that's the one thing I would say.

So I'm really excited.

Before we, like, fully hop out of our check in, do want to, like, summer is damn near over, you know, and I'm not a summer girl, but I have grown to love summer living in Atlanta.

But what is, like, on Your last minute summer plan bucket list, if you had one.

I think Atlanta Black Friday is the last thing on my summer.

On my summer list.

I think that after Atlanta, Black Pride is a wrap on summer and we're moving into fall and thinking about what the plans are for fall.

So yeah, after Black Pride, it's a wrap on summer for me.

I feel like it's been lucky.

It's been a wrap on summer for me since like July because this, like I said, summer has been kicking my ass.

And so, but, yeah, but I, but I'm still, you know, I like, I like to be outside in the summer.

I live in Minnesota, so you have to, we have beautiful summers and so you have to take advantage of the summer when you're here.

So I try to go outside, go on walks as much as possible because it's hard to take walks in the winter.

So that, Yeah, I, yeah, Black Pride.

That's.

That's it.

Do you have any plans to wrap up summer?

Honestly, Black Pride is probably on the top of the list.

I still am dreaming of like some sort of weekend beachy nature getaway.

I don't know who's planning that.

It's not me as of now.

And I'm actually very tired from my travel schedule, so I feel like that's one of the main things.

Also I am thinking about getting a massage.

Like a nice massage will round out my summer.

Yeah.

And just like a cute outdoor time with friends, like Labor Day weekend, AKA Black Pride weekend is going to be wild for me.

That's when everyone wants to be like, you want to hang out?

You want to do this.

Here's another event, here's another thing.

So I am going to be splitting myself in half trying to be everywhere all at once.

And yeah, that's okay.

That's the last weekend of summer and people are already trying to shove fall down our throats with these fall beverages, the fall items in the stores, all of that.

And it's not done yet.

It's not done yet, babes.

But you know, that's how they do.

Commercial Halloween costumes are out already, eg Target.

But you know that's, that's aside.

But I know my friend and I went to work to like a coffee shop around and they already had like a specialty yay flavor.

My friend is like, it's not even September.

We're still in August.

So IG have that.

So yeah, that's very interesting.

It's not even September.

We're still in August and it's hot.

I don't Want no pumpkin spice latte.

It's hot as hell.

Like, why?

That's.

That's the fall propaganda.

They're pushing it on us.

Yeah, I don't.

I'm sorry.

I don't want a peppermint latte.

You have got me fucked up.

Cause I'm not letting the summer go yet.

I forgot.

I forgot to share my.

Actually, my.

The end of my summer will be on my friend Ashley by one of my really close friends here.

She's getting married to her girlfriend Haley.

They're getting married.

We love it.

Hey, they get married.

Yeah, towards the end of summer.

So that's gonna be my.

I'm excited to be at their wedding.

It's gonna be a great time.

They have it.

They have, like, a beautiful wedding planned.

And I'm excited to just be there to celebrate their love.

And so, yeah, I love that.

Shout out to Ashley and Haley.

Shout out to them, you know, gay love alive.

I love that.

I love a wedding.

Like eat and drink for free, getting toasted on somebody else's dime.

I love it.

I do an open bar.

Are you gonna get married?

You know, this is an interesting conversation and we'll talk about it today on the show.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna move us to our next because Harry love to ask me spicy questions on the pod, but when I ask a spicy question, Harry don't want to answer.

I was just curious because you love a wedding so much, I'm like, maybe.

You don't mean I want to get married.

That means I love a wedding with free drinks and food.

Okay, okay.

Shout out to that.

Might as well come to the link up.

Okay, well, we're not giving out.

Yeah, we're not giving out free food and drinks, but still, we're not.

But yeah, they're affordable both ways.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I feel like I've been in the world, but I haven't.

So shout out to Harry for bringing this wild as controversy to me because I must have been under a rock.

So apparently influencers.

Nat.

Well, not apparently, because they've been grifters.

Have been grifting from the beginning of time, you know, from Stonehenge on.

So, yeah, apparently an influencer.

Let me pull her name.

And all this is alleged.

I mean, it's not alleged.

She.

I'm trying not to get food.

Child.

I'm talking about.

Well, okay, okay.

Allegedly.

But allegedly, she's left the Internet after she gone.

Yeah.

So then we'll.

We'll do a little mini recap.

So angel Victoria Murdoch, who was also on six episodes of temptation island 2025 with 300000 followers has been posting about her high end real estate business and her studies at Duke University.

And she's been apparently winning fans over with hard work pays off like as a mind, as like a mindset and also like a thread in her content and like day in the life.

Like if you're doing day in life, I'm, I'm hoping it's real.

So apparently 26 year old has been lying the whole time.

She has not been going to Duke University for a postgraduate physician assistant program.

She also has posted and also online, I don't think anywhere else that she graduated as well.

She posted herself in a, in a gown that was actually the wrong color.

And you know, a student I believe came out and was like, I didn't know you were in classes here.

And apparently the Angel Murdoch blocked her immediately in the, in the comments.

I don't think she was trying to be funny, but she was just like, oh, I didn't know you were in the program too.

And then ever since she asked around, no one has seen her on campus or in classes.

She's not enrolled.

And she also, there's a video recording of the graduation.

Just like every graduation is live streamed, she does not walk across the stage once.

So.

Yeah, and then also let me just read the caption she put on her graduation photos.

Because honey, delusion, she says, today I get to look back and realize that every late night, every sacrifice, every setback and every prayer was leading me right here.

Leading you to scamming, girl.

Leading into what?

Perception.

So apparently not.

Apparently the expression for Duke University confirmed to the Post, the New York Post, that there's no record of a student by the name of Angel Murdot having applied to or even attended Duke University.

Yeah, so?

And she also has falsely stated that she is a licensed realtor in North Carolina and Georgia, which have more serious consequences.

She also published those houses on her page.

Properties worth 300,000.

She also shared house tours, the pictures of clients and boasted that she's made as much as 7, 200amonth as a real estate agent online.

And her biography does state license in North Carolina and Georgia.

So what do you think about that, Harry?

I saw this story and I was just, my flabber was gasted.

I was like, this is like, I, I think my curiosity is what is the end goal?

So imagine I am, I just want to imagine I don't go to physician assistant or associate school.

I don't go to PA school.

Right.

But I'm pretending that I'm going.

So I am going to.

I am taking the pictures, I'm doing videos.

And she had, she had a friend, her friend did a video, was like, oh my God, I'm so proud of my friend.

She's been studying, she's been working.

Yeah, I saw you're doing all of these videos.

What is the end goal?

I did.

So I shared a video.

Someone asked her, do you have any advice for me?

And she was like, yeah, you just gotta keep going.

You just gotta keep.

This is like, what is the end goal?

Like, what is the end goal?

People are gonna ask you questions.

People are gonna ask questions.

So you went to PE school.

What's next, what you're doing?

What was the end goal?

I'm like, this is, this is a wild bs.

It is, it's wild.

Because also, you know what, it's like the levels of wild because for me, if you're posting a countdown till graduation in front, like she's not just saying that.

She goes there and like having these pictures.

She's on the campus taking pictures in scrubs.

In one picture I'm looking at is like her in front of the physician assistant program.

So sign on campus in her scrubs with a countdown and it's like it's finished, like with a little cap and gowns like emoji.

And how far are we going to take it?

Because you know, it's one thing to tell your family that you in physician assistant school or program for it.

It's another to tell the Internet and to do day in the lives and talk about your studying techniques and like all of the things, there's layers to it, like lying to your family, lying to everyone and like really living in your delusion, you know, I'm not.

Again, if you want to lie to your mama and papa about being in, you know, physician assistant program, that's different.

Because let's say, you know, what is it feel like sister acts when it's like your mama ain't want you to.

To sing or to be an influencer, so you had to go pretend that she was going to school.

That's different.

You're not involving us, you're involving us now.

Like reaping rewards and money off of it.

And yes, it is crazy.

It is crazy.

And the girls there are, there are only a handful of black girls in that program and they all know each other.

And so when they came out, they were like, that they'd be seeing this girl for long and they just don't pay Them any mind.

Pay her any mind.

Because it's like life is happening.

I got to go to class.

I got into my things.

This is not the thing that I'm bothered about, right?

And so they were, like, just doing their own thing.

But like, bro, did you think that the people in the class were not gonna know?

And apparently she blocks them.

The people in the class, she will use their content to kind of like, inspire her content.

So she's stalking them.

Unblock, unblock them.

You think they're not gonna find out that you don't go there?

That is crazy.

It is crazy to me.

I think she wants to be Sierra Miller so bad.

You know, like, Sierra Miller is.

Was actually ICU nurse before.

Like, her.

Her reality fame.

I also think that societal pressure to be like, all of the things a multi hyphenate, a hustler, you know, is getting out of control.

I think people want to be seen as all the things.

They want to be elusive, they want to be mysterious, they want to be hot, they want to be personable.

They want to be smart and intelligent.

Like to.

On the exterior,.

You forgot luxurious, because that's the new aesthetic.

But the girl.

No, that is the new aesthetic.

Luxurious.

It's like you posing, but that's so easy to be, like.

To rationalize.

To be like, oh, yeah, you posing with money.

You doing the money spread on your arm.

You like, you.

You post it next to a car that's really just valet waiting to park it.

You know, things like that.

Okay, you stunning.

You trying.

That's.

We've seen that before.

We can be like, okay, you trying to be what you.

Not money wise, but to really put on some scrubs and stand in front of a sign and have somebody take your picture because you didn't take that picture yourself.

Maybe she put it on a little stand.

But for her to go above and beyond to do, like, graduation photos.

Like, I saw one that said, get ready with me to go to do my rotations.

Crazy.

Like, I'm just not understanding the end goal or hurt, like, the sense to be like, I will be found out like this.

This will get out that I do not go to school here.

And at some point when she might be believing her own lies.

Well, can't be.

But, you know, like.

Like, I just.

I got to figure out, how do you believe that lie?

Because you're not.

You're not in school.

You're not doing rotations.

It is like, do you.

Do you wake up in the morning and then you're like, get ready with Me as I go as a physician, blah, blah, blah.

And then you wake up and then you do that and then you drive to Starbucks or you drive to Chipotle.

What do you do?

Like what?

She has to pretend.

Like if she drives a Starbucks, she's like, oh, I have to get this cup of coffee before class.

Yeah, she has to pretend, oh, I'm on my.

I'm taking a break between studying, let me go to Chipotle.

You know, Like, I, I don't know.

And I really hope that she comes out with a statement and is like a statement.

The backlash is beyond, like repairable.

Like, you can't just pop up online and be like, so anyways, child, she will have to address this if she wants some sort of.

It gives pariah a little bit.

Like, everyone around you in your community knows about this.

Yeah, like everyone online who even didn't know of you now knows of you.

For this is just, you know, I.

Can't imagine her friend, I was praising her in the car.

I can't imagine how that friend feels now.

Because the friend did a whole video, like a whole vlog.

I'd be like, you know, the friend was like, look, this, my friend, I am so proud of you.

You are showing it what it means to be a girl who is going to go and get it.

You're showing the world.

Maybe you can blame that.

Oh, society has this pressure for black women to be high achieving, high functioning and doing all the things.

So maybe that is the reason why you're acting out.

But there has to be an end goal.

You know, you're not pretending to be, to be living the soft girl era.

You're not pretending to be living in a high rise when you live in a, in a, in a studio.

Right?

Like, you're not pretending.

This is not.

Like, this is not.

This is not a petty pretense.

This is you pretending to be in one of the hardest programs, postgraduate programs.

You're pretending to be in that program.

You're pretending to go to the school that started the program, the school that is the hardest to even get into for the program.

And you think nobody was going to find out.

Like, this is crazy.

To me, it is crazy.

I really want to know what she's going to say.

Because she's an influencer.

She cannot stay off the Internet for so long.

She needs to capitalize off of it.

If you broke, if you down and out, you need to capitalize off of it, get some attention, do a.

Sit down with Tasha K. Do something.

And to get back your 15 minutes and then transform it into something she needs to find a little somebody.

A manager.

Pr.

No Shade, because this is your moment, girl.

People are talking about you.

If you want to.

How is she gonna spin it, though?

You're a comms professional.

If she was your clients, how would you spin it for her?

I would recommend that she goes to, like, a little podcast.

Something that's not like, you know, there's places that will take her, but there's places that probably will not take her story because they're too high.

Like, I would never be like, go to Club Shay Shay.

I wouldn't even send her to Angel Angel Reese.

Like, I wouldn't.

I would maybe send her to, like, someplace that is, you know, spiritually a little wooey.

And I.

If I was her, I would get on that platform and be like, I have a mental illness.

Like, I have a mental illness.

You know, in my time away, I had a little grippy sock vacation and thought about all the things and I realized that I was.

I was.

I had a void in my life and I needed to fulfill it in this way.

So I apologize and da, da, da, da, da, da.

And then literally go online and engage people and be transparent.

Don't be defensive in your social media content and then make some transitions to wellness and health content.

That's what I said.

That's.

That's literally what I would do if I was her.

Yeah.

But I would never be her.

Let's not get it twisted.

Yeah, I'm like, maybe go to.

Like I was gonna say, go to call her daddy, but the white woman.

Are going to eat her up.

And that's the thing.

I was like saying, is she black, too?

Is like, people already want to talk about how black people don't have requirements, Accreditation.

Yeah.

Experience.

So it's like, I see our community, our very expansive and not monolithic community be like, that wasn't okay.

And you are not a representation of us.

I do think that she.

She cannot be gone forever.

She's going to have to do something about it.

Yeah, she's gonna come back.

It feels like Cheyenne Bryant all over again, you know, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant.

Well, you know, because they literally said she bought a cap and gown.

I'll wait the wrong way as well.

I'm just like, what is this?

What?

I'm just like, what is this need for validation?

What does this need to show that, like.

And I know that going to school is hard, and I get a.

It's a huge fee to go through.

So if you're ready for any postgraduate school.

Because by that time, you don't have to go back to school.

When I do any postgraduate course, whether it's masters or a PhD or whatever specialized course you're doing, you don't have to go at that point.

The choice that you made.

Yes, and it's very tasking.

It's very laborious.

Like, it takes a lot from you.

Which is why when Dr. Wendy says you would address me as such, you know where she's very particular about, because she's worked so hard for her degree.

So I get it.

I.

And so I get.

It's a sense of accomplishment.

But if you cannot do it, don't do it.

Don't, don't.

Nobody is forcing you to do it.

If you can't do it, don't do it.

It's not that deep.

And also it's not that deep.

And I, I think that's what's leaving a lot of people kind of stunned.

It's like, why, why, why feel the need to do this?

You could have really just worked 10 times as hard in another way as an influencer.

My thing is, I think there's a lot of real estate agents who say they sell houses and they don't, you know, so that would have been.

I'm just saying, like, that would have been one thing.

But people do not play with like secondary education or pretending to be a medical professional.

They don't mess around with that.

They don't at all.

And, you know, I think that's the piece that I know I'm having a hard time with.

And also other black folks, it's like, you didn't have to lie.

And also they already be questioning our qualifications when we come in the door.

And you are.

And who knows how many I, low key, want to hear from any black folks within that program to be like, girl, do you know what I had to deal with to be in this program?

And here you are lying and posturing on the Internet like you are graduating or was in this program or we was in, in the trench, in the studying trenches together.

Because school, I'm the first to tell you that I would never go back to school again.

Like when, when I graduated college, my mom was like, oh, you don't want to pay them loans, go back to school.

I said, I would rather not.

I would rather not.

I will.

I'd rather pay them loans or pay them dust than go back to school.

If you, if you get a master's.

No, you do.

Okay, okay, you do.

But it's like, you Put it off.

It's essentially like you just put it off and it goes back into, like dormant mode, you know.

So if you're an active student, you technically don't have to pay off your student loans while you're being active.

But I just, I met.

I'm like, is it, is it us?

Are we the problem?

Like society?

Like, yeah, this hustle, multi hyphenate, you know, pressure to be everything all at once.

Is that the problem?

And I think it is.

I do.

I think we're the problem.

I think we've created.

We've created a culture where we want people to be high functioning, high.

All the things we want to create this larger than life, you know, personality.

And she was standing up for a long time.

She was the real estate person turned PA student that also is an influencer that was.

And that was on Temptation Island.

She was all these things, you know, and that was inspiring.

Inspiring to some, but, you know, I don't know.

Yeah.

And I think she probably was like, you know, I gotta keep the attention on me some way somehow, you know.

But you can drive trucks or work at a fast food place.

Do a day in the life and people will watch it, you know, like, it's all about the audience.

You curate some hoocha lay.

Let's move on.

So Real Housewives of Ultimate Girls trip.

There is dress of that crazy.

I probably did.

Let me, let me double check.

Real Housewives Ultimate Girls trip,.

Because guess what I really wrote on this document.

RH O U G T so Rogul, What's so funny?

Like, my dog look at me and be like, is it really that funny that you got a cackle girl?

I pay rent.

But real, Real Housewives Ultimate Girls trip kicked off, I believe.

How many episodes are we in?

Maybe like four.

Three or four, I believe.

Three or four.

I think.

I think it's three.

Okay.

Atlanta is on Sunday.

Atlanta's on Sunday.

So Atlanta, like the episode, the Atlanta episode on Sunday.

Okay.

I was about to say, I was like, yeah, Atlanta comes out on Sunday.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

But they just closed out.

Yeah.

But the cast, I am.

It's looking a bit white, but, you know, it's not unexpected because the majority of the franchises are.

Yeah, white women.

Populated.

So Luann de la Seps, the Countess is on.

Kyle Richards, who is also the longest Housewife original housewife to be on air.

She's still on Beverly Hills and has been on since season one.

My gosh.

Vicki Gunnelson Gunvalson.

There we go.

From O.C.

One of the biggest OGs, I guess.

Portia Williams, Giselle Bryant, Lisa Judice.

I gotta say her name, right?

Because people be like, tradisa Judice.

I think it's Jedi.

I think it's Judice.

Yeah.

Because she's Italian.

That's how, like, you're supposed to say it.

It's like Judicia.

That's.

You know.

I watched that in a reunion a long time ago.

She's on it.

Who else am I missing?

Lisa from Salt Lake City is also on it.

And I named Giselle.

Right.

Yeah.

Yes.

So what are your initial thoughts on this season?

You watch?

Yeah.

So how are you feeling it?

I'm actually liking it more than I thought I would.

I am enjoying it as someone who.

I never saw New York.

I never saw O.C.

I never saw Jersey.

Really?

Yes.

Yes.

My Housewives journey started in 2023.

No, actually, the summer.

The.

I think it started the winter of 2022.

Yeah.

So that's when I started with Atlanta.

Watched the whole of Atlanta that I went to Potomac.

Watched the whole of Potomac.

Then I watched Married to Medicine, and then I ended up watching Salt Lake City until I. I know I watch Rhode island now, but, like, to have to go island to have to go back and watch Atlanta again.

Sorry.

To watch New York or Jersey.

I don't.

I don't know if I have it in me or O.C.

Yeah, I.

And.

Or.

You don't watch Beverly Hills, I'm assuming.

No, I don't.

I. I started Beverly Hills.

I tried to start Beverly Hills because they had a black person there.

They had Garcelle there.

So I was like, let me watch to Garcelle, but I'm just like, I don't know.

I have watched because I am a child of a single black mom.

Definitely have watched all of a good majority.

I haven't watched Rhode island just because I.

They all look the fucking same on Rhode Island.

Like, how can you tell the difference?

All brunette, all tanned.

It's very interesting.

But I hear that they be.

They into it.

They be.

They be beefing, like, for real.

But watched, of course, Atlanta, New York.

I did like.

I really like New York.

I think I have.

I wasn't necessarily a fan of New York in the reboot form, but old New York was be cool.

You know, they got rebooted because there was some racism afoot with some of the cast members, and you don't need to look far to find that.

I did like Jersey.

Jersey.

Oh, Jersey.

Like, giving Atlanta a run for its money back then.

When they were both on at the same time, I would say they both were unfiltered, harsh, ready to get to it.

Ready, low key, someone gets snatched.

You know, even.

Even the men on New Jersey made the men on Atlanta look like they really ain't with it.

They ain't with the shits.

Because the men on New Jersey were quick, they were hot tempered.

But it was like a lot of Italian folks on there.

So it was like, I can see that.

Are they ready to tussle?

They were ready to tussle majorly.

The women, the men love Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills is my.

Is one of my shows.

And I also did watch OC back in the day.

Like the Gretchen Slade era when Tamara first came on.

Like, I was in the mix there.

We totally did not mention Miami.

I think I watched Miami maybe one season.

Miami's not for me.

Again, it's like a little racist.

Like, with the.

The white Latinx folks who, you know, are kind of racist towards their cast members.

And then there's like, I think there's, like a Texas one, Dallas, that, like, was really brief moment in time.

And I think there was another one that we might be missing.

There was Housewives of D.C. that first season that, like, really closed because these two white.

This white couple, grifter, like, they essentially tried to go to a White House correspondent dinner, and it was this whole thing.

So there's only one season because they were the griftiest of grifters and damn, truly was like, we will not have any parts.

Oh, and then Dubai.

I definitely watch Dubai a little bit.

Dubai doesn't really have my heart in the same ways.

Like, they're just a little dramatic for, like, TV sake.

Not necessarily naturally.

And I need some natural dramatic people not, you know, making a scene because the cameras are rolling type of thing.

And that's what they give no shade.

So I'm guessing you're a family with, like, everybody in the cast.

Yeah.

Strip.

Yeah, I was some.

I, you know, could have done without at first.

At original glance, I was like, why is Lisa here?

But I actually really like Lisa and I, like, granted, what they're going through in Salt Lake City is nothing but drama.

So she's always on the defense and, like, how she shows up on the show.

A lot of the girls are.

And I think that in particular has, like, made me more of a fan of Lisa, like, in just her mannerisms, how she talks.

Her and Portia are so cute together.

I love their friendship.

Yeah.

So I do like you.

You can also tell that Lisa likes to be away from all of it, because I feel like when you're watching, like, if you watch Salt Lake City, like you said, she's always on the defensive, and then, you know, everybody always has a story about her.

And I know sometimes it's hard for Lisa to be the punching bag, and sometimes she doesn't make it easy for herself, if we're being honest.

She doesn't.

But it's nice to see her feeling a little differently now, see her in high spirits.

So when she was crying, like, oh, she doesn't get this much.

That much.

Yeah.

I really touched, because I also know last season.

Last season, she and her husband were going through their thing as well.

So.

Yeah.

You know, I don't know.

I don't know what's going on with Lissa, but she's having a good time, for sure.

She's having a great time.

Giselle, messy as ever, and I expected it, but she.

When she was, like, it was.

I think it was the first episode, and she was like, I thought I was gonna be the mean girl, and I was actually looking forward to it.

Vicky.

Vicki is mean as.

And she always has been this way, but it's like, she doesn't really play well with others.

She makes everything about her and how she feels like she's really reactive, even if you're like, hey, like, with the whole.

And I really appreciate Teresa's vulnerability of, like, talking.

I feel like she's talked about on her franchise, but it was nice for her to be able to open up with, you know, the.

All the.

The group of a bunch of different ladies.

Yeah.

Around her period of incarceration, and then also a bit around, like, her kids and, like, how.

What they went through in that time.

And then for Vicki to be like, pay your taxes.

And she was like, I. I did.

I'm telling you what happened.

Yeah.

And, like, it was just.

It was like, okay, Vicki, do you listen?

That's what it gave.

But overall, I like the cast.

Luann is hit or miss for me.

Luann is funny because she, like, gives, like, liberal, like, white woman who's, like, spent a lot of time abroad, feels like she is in solidarity with, like, people of color.

I think the culture piece, like, she just.

I think she really tries her hardest to, like, be culturally competent, but at the same time, I'm not always, like, feeling the vibes from her.

And she thinks she's hotter than she is.

No shade to her, but, like, she.

Be ready to be, like, my tits.

Oh, is that a man?

It's like, girl, you got a boyfriend, but her boyfriend's the same way.

Like, she's just like kind of sex crazed a little bit.

And it's just.

And if you watch the dating show that she was on with Giselle and someone else.

I forgot.

And actually, yes, Ashley Darby, she was all over the place on that show too.

I watched briefly just for like, some fun, something to watch in the background.

But overall, I'm loving Portia.

Portia's keeping it light and fun.

She's not getting into it with people.

She's not easy to pay anyway.

Like, Portia, just be like, girl, I like.

I like the last episode.

Hi.

And Giselle, like, kikiing in the car.

Yeah.

About their experiences.

It's really.

It's really cute.

Yeah.

You know, people, people, People like to hate on Giselle, but I like Giselle so she sounds a perfect.

You know, I like her on the show.

Do I like how she treated Candace?

No.

Do I like how she engages all the women?

But I think that she's just.

I feel like she's good for the show.

I think so.

She is good for the show.

She.

You can count on Giselle to be like, anytime that they.

There was.

You could tell there's some tension.

Just.

I was like, I will get to the bottom of this.

And even a producer was like, like, why do you feel me?

She was like, because I'm messy.

Like, claim it.

I love that.

Yeah.

You do the producer's job and you.

And you stir that pot.

Giselle, Green eyed Bandit.

Bandit, Literally.

So I'm excited about, like, where it's gonna go.

I do think there's gonna be people who are beefing at the end of the season.

Of course.

I hope they do a reunion.

That'll be nice.

Me too.

I wouldn't be shocked if they do it.

And I think it's in line with like the 20.

It's 20 years, right.

Of Housewives.

Yeah.

Wild.

Yeah.

Wild to even think that I. I.

Want to hear all the behind the scenes tea of all the episodes.

I. Yeah, they did a reunion for sure.

For sure.

Literally.

I want to hear all the behind the scenes tea who was a, you know, social media gangster, confessional gangster.

All that.

Because some of the things that they're saying, I'm like, you know that this, y' all know, this is recorded, so no one needs to remind y'.

All.

So my question for you, though, Harry, because Lisa Milan, I don't know if you saw.

Went on Carlos King.

Yes, I saw it.

His podcast.

And for folks that.

Don't know.

Lisa Milan was.

Well, I think Dubai might have been canceled right now.

It's on a pause.

She was one of those on a pause.

Okay, great.

She is a housewife of Dubai.

I've always liked her as a housewife.

She's just so fabulous.

And, like, she is a baddie.

Like, she is a baddie.

And she was asked a question also.

She was on College Hill.

Have you heard of College Hill?

I have.

I have.

Yes.

That was a good.

I'm sorry.

I'm just asking.

I'm just asking.

No, no, no, no.

Nobody asked.

I grew up.

I grew up in Nigeria.

There's a possibility.

I don't know.

College Hill, you know?

Yeah, we got beast.

So it's possible.

Yeah, it's a deep cut, for sure.

Like, it really is.

It's not, like, a popular reality show that everybody has everybody watching.

Yes.

So I'm like.

I think it's so funny that she was asked to come on so Fabulous.

She's gorgeous.

Like, she's a doll, literally.

And she looks the same from when she was on College Hill.

Literally.

And I didn't even know she dated Jason Derulo.

Like, I saw clips from her interview with.

And apparently she was dating him while he started dating Jordan Sparks.

And she was like, it's me.

Or.

No, it's.

I'm not second.

So Deuces.

Yeah, she was like, I was there when they met at the show.

Like, it.

It was.

It's a mess.

But she's like, I'm not saying this to be messy.

Like, me and him are still cool.

And friends realized I didn't watch it up to that point.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Why did he break up again?

Jordan and Jason?

Yes, they broke.

I think he, like, ghosted her, essentially.

Like, after she took care of him, after he broke his neck, she, like, that's how they started their relationship.

And then towards the end, I think they dated for a very long time because, you know, he did that song, Marry Me, where, like, he sang to her is like, when I.

Essentially, he was like, when I get to the moment where I am ready, I will say, will you marry me?

But they're like, you've been dating for, like, four years.

When will you get to.

That is crazy.

And then he.

They left.

They departed.

Then he went and had a girl, had a son with.

I think her name is Jenna Fumes or something like that.

She's a.

She's like an influencer.

But, yeah, it was some juicy things in there.

But Lisa was like, I was on College Hill.

I don't need this Jason Derulo.

And she was right.

So love that.

But in the interview with Carlos King, he asked her, like, who is like the baddest housewife?

Like a housewife baddie.

She could only think of Portia.

She could only think of Porsche.

Portrait is a value.

Portia is exactly, exactly in after the fact.

She like rolled it back.

She was like also this person and this person.

Yeah, of course.

I just can only think of these.

And when she couldn't think of anybody else but Portia, she started naming celebrities.

She's like Beyonce, Rihanna, Megan.

Thee stallion.

Like,.

That is crazy.

That's so funny to me.

But I want to ask you, who is your ultimate iconic housewife of all time?

If you're asking for a baddies, I would say Portia.

I think Portia is a baddie.

I think she's the hottest housewife.

The ass iconic.

The.

Everybody likes Nini.

I think Nini's.

I think Nini is the iconic.

Yes.

Wife.

I think that Nini is the standard.

She is how.

She's.

She's proof that you can be as big and iconic while still being yourself.

Yep.

So I would always have respect for Nene for that reason.

But the house that I really, really, really, really, really, really, really loved was Candy.

I really liked Candy, but it's not a popular opinion because she's quote unquote boring.

I really like Candy and I really like Cynthia Bailey.

I'm sorry.

Okay, okay.

And not like, just like you're just saying all Atlanta, but because the other.

Ones that, that I really.

That like, I feel like iconic housewife.

No, I hear that across specialties.

Let me see.

I don't know.

I think Candy, Cynthia, every other.

Everybody's still learning work when it comes to them.

Now, do I have faves in each franchise that I watch?

Sure.

But I think that I just like Kenny.

That's a different question.

Yeah, I like Cynthia Bailey.

How about you?

No, that makes perfect sense.

Oh, I'm like.

I would have to say.

I would have to say Portia.

Yes, I would even.

Of course, Nene is a given.

Nene is an absolute given on that point.

Cynthia Bailey is iconic.

Will always be iconic.

Kandi does not make my list.

Kandy is not my ultimate iconic housewife.

Every man needs a woman.

I don't like that she's not my.

And that's no shade.

But like, I do.

I think she voice or.

Because you don't think she brought anything to the show.

It's not that I don't Think she brought anything or because of her voice.

She's just not my iconic housewife of choice.

Fair, fair.

I can see that.

Like, if I think about folks who have cultural moments, like time and time again, like, yes, Candy has some, but, like, they're not quotable.

There's not memes that people are using of like, each other.

That.

But that's part.

That's honestly low key.

Her Nene, like, I think people credit Nene more with that clip than her.

Look at that.

Well, that's Portia and everybody.

That's Portia.

Exactly.

I'm like, I also.

I'm not even gonna lie.

The skin that touch set up is our auntie.

Sorry.

Yes.

It's one of the.

The old lady gang members.

But I just.

Those are the Some of the folks.

I would say a part of me wanted to say Teresa from New Jersey just because she think in that era of time, I think I as a viewer, I was seeing a lot of Jersey content and she felt like the quintessential, like, person of the Jersey era of content from, like, the Jersey Shore to, like, Mob Wives with Big Ange.

Like, I just think when I think of, like, Jersey and like, who is specifically Jersey and, like, real unfiltered.

I do be think I do think of Teresa and I'm like, Teresa definitely was someone in particular.

I was like, yeah, she is an ultimate housewife.

I kind of want to give a little bit of flowers to Kyle, but, like, I think Kyle has been on so long that people haven't necessarily seen, like, seen it without her to miss her.

You know, I also am like, there's so many different people that I'm like, they had great moments.

They had great moments.

They had great moments that I just have, you know, my own personal love for.

But I would say those folks for sure.

For sure.

I like Yovana from Clark.

Shut up.

You wanna.

You know, it's me, Ivana from Clark.

Apparently, like, they didn't even call her Ivana, like, at Clark.

Like, I think she was referencing her, like, current name that she went by, but people knew her old name.

So people were like, who the fuck is.

Is Ivana from Clark?

And then she was like, you know, I don't know her actual name, but she was like, you know, I used to go by Vanessa.

And they was like, yeah, we did know Vanessa or something like that.

I was like, so, so, so, so, so, so, yeah, she was iconic for that brief moment.

She actually should have been a friend of because of the iconic moment.

But, you know, the producers don't be seeing the black cultural moments as, like, you know, relatable.

I have.

I just have a housewife question before we go.

So there's Atlanta, there's Potomac that you watch.

Do you.

You watch Salt Lake City, right?

Not really.

I watched some of it, but not enough.

Like, I'm not in the full inland Atlantic City, so, like.

Yeah.

Do you do Married to Medicine?

I watch clips sometimes.

I think Married.

I used to watch in the beginning, but Married to Medicine is, like, who.

They argue about the same thing.

It's like, how many times we gonna argue about whether quad have money or not?

Or somebody bought a doctor or some Nigerian prince brought her her house, for example.

But I do love the cultural moments that come out of it.

Like, love the Ms. Quiet.

Ms. Quiet.

She got it.

She got it.

What is it with.

And this may be my.

My undiagnosed adhd.

What is it with Atlanta where girlies are Nigerian men?

As a Nigerian man, I'm like, because they are here.

This is.

They are here.

I'm like, this is looking overhyped.

I'm like, what's this?

What's this?

No, the Nigerian straight men are here and gay men, too.

But the.

They are here.

They really are spending money.

Yeah.

Yeah, they are.

More than the black Americans believe they are.

Okay.

Like, you know, there's a culture here.

I think it may not be super prevalent with food.

I feel like if you want, like, good Nigerian food, you have to go, like, north or maybe south of Atlanta.

But there is a heavy presence.

And I also be like, people get their papers here, too.

Like, there's a Nigerian consulate here, all of that.

But, like, yeah, if you're looking for the people that's been in that.

That money, the Nigerians.

And I feel like in folks across Africa be here as well.

It's not just Nigerians, Ghanaians, Cameroon folks.

You know, look at Chica textualizing it for me.

So.

Okay, that's good.

Okay, back to it.

Back to the question.

So Atlanta, Potomac.

Who are your favorite house?

So give me three top three housewives in Atlanta.

Top three housewives in Potomac for me.

Top three housewives in Atlanta.

I would say, like, ever.

I can pick anybody.

Yeah, me, of course.

Put.

I actually want to put Phaedra in there.

You like Phaedra?

Oh, my God.

I do like Phaedra because she's so ridiculous, but she.

She can read a.

Like, at this previous reunion, she was letting Kelly have it, but in such a professional way.

Like, she used to call people everything but a child of God.

And now she's like, why are you my friend if we're freaking frack and we're whack, you know?

Like, she's very.

Like, I think she's grown a lot and that.

And I love that about her now and then.

She was great for tv.

And Marlo, I have to say Marlo, because Marlo, she gave us the fascist.

But she also was just really ridiculous, and she would not know when to stop.

So, like, all the moments I love of Marlo, also bring in some housewives that I love, too, like Eva.

I loved Marlo when he was dynamic.

Like, their magic back and forth.

That was amazing.

Literally.

Literally.

Okay, okay, cool.

Marlo versus Kenya.

Marlo versus Nene.

At times, Marlo versus Candy.

Like, Marlo versus.

It was, like, always a great banter back and forth.

Even if she did not even know what she was talking about or saying, she always has something to say back.

Like, regardless whether people was like, that sound like a read or that sounds stupid.

But also, back with Marlo, I feel like every.

Everybody should got into it.

She didn't need to get into it with them.

Shouldn't have an issue.

She didn't have an issue with Kenya.

You know what I'm saying?

But she realized that the girl is in, like, Kenya, so she doesn't have an issue with Kenya.

Candy.

Same thing.

And yes, which is why, like, she.

And, you know, jealousy.

You know, they had a rift in their relationship, but they made up now, apparently.

Yes, they have.

But still, it's like, that was my issue with Marlo.

And then she used the F word on her first season on the show.

So I never.

I know I watched the show.

I didn't watch it, like, in bits.

I watched it.

I binged, like, from season one to, like, season nine or when.

And she said.

She called.

She said, you go ahead and be with those faggots.

That's what she said in South Africa.

Social.

Where do you be having that?

Yeah, yeah.

And then you said Potomac.

Yes.

I know she hasn't been on long, but what's her.

What's her name?

Oh, it's coming to me.

It's Friday.

Stacy.

I love Stacy.

I love Stacy.

I'll give it to Wendy.

I do love Wendy and Stacy And Karen.

I have to say, Karen, I'm not a huge Giselle fan.

I've never been a huge Giselle fan.

I'm not a huge, like, Karen fan either.

But Karen just gave, like, quintessential housewife, like, she held herself in a particular way.

The funny moments she has when she's drunk, you know.

And also, what is a housewife about a good scandal, you know.

Okay.

Like, what is a good household about some scandal.

Yeah.

You know, Nene was a stripper at one point in time.

Several mug shots.

Marlo, a couple mug shots.

You know, Portia, a couple mug shots as well.

She known for beating more like what is, you know, a good house.

I hope I have some good scandal.

And yeah, again, you know, I'm glad no one was hurt in the process of her.

Of her.

Of the, of the car wrecking things.

But, you know, yeah, UI isn't so bad to, you know, for a housewife to hold.

There are some housewives that are in jail currently or, you know, for fraud or things like that.

Stole from.

From folks, you know, old.

An older home or whatever their home.

Or something is back.

She amazing.

She's back.

She's been released.

Yeah, she has been released.

Yeah.

Well, maybe she might come back.

I think she's banking on coming back to.

But I couldn't say she.

She.

That she's ever coming back.

I don't know why.

I think that Jensha was just a lot.

She used to yell.

She needs to.

Like, she would just yell like.

She was just a lot.

I had a little violent.

She gave Heather the black eye, allegedly.

So it's like, yeah, I can see why.

Okay.

But yeah, shout out to your list.

I like that.

I like that.

What about you?

Atlanta?

Candy, Cynthia Bailey.

And I used to like Kenya a lot.

I did, too.

I'm an underdog.

That last season, I'm like, you didn't need to go out that way.

That was an embarrassing way to go out.

So she kind of fell for me.

I did love Candy and Phaedra's friendship.

I loved when they were friends a lot.

I kind of missed that.

But yeah.

So Candy, Cynthia and Kenya.

And then for Potomac, Dr. Wendy, Candice Dillard Basset.

Candice Dillard Bassett.

And Giselle.

And Giselle.

Okay.

Yeah,.

I'm glad we talked about that because we.

I, I think there's so many.

You can't say, like, the Real Housewives canon did not contribute to culture.

It did.

It did.

And people are still using it.

It was very, you know.

Okay, so we're gonna move on to our main conversation.

Harry from Minneapolis on Instagram.

This is wild.

That is wild.

So funny.

But you actually did put a question in the post.

How do we end the single epidemic?

First, Harry, I would like to ask you, what is the single epidemic?

Hard finding love in this.

Okay, that's what you meant.

Yes.

At the time when I posted that question, that comment.

Yeah.

In the, in the gay world, everybody was having the same conversation though.

Dating is hard.

Let's piss in the dating pool, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know, everybody had these, these critiques of the dating scene, especially as regards being gay, being like gay and black and, you know, cisgender man.

And so, yes, because I feel like the lesbians will be having any issues dating.

But what.

And this is how, this is why I'm like, when you come to Black Pride, you need to go on ahead and come to some Sapphic shit with me because it's messy as fuck.

The girls do be having problems like the lesbians and.

Or like Sapphic people be we.

It actually is a major issue.

I don't know why you think the other grass is greener, but it actually is dried up.

It's brown and grass is greener.

Yeah.

I just think that with lesbians, I feel that there is a willingness and a need to try and to want to be open to dating and doing the things right.

I feel like with a bunch of gay black men, there is a willingness to just want to fuck around.

And you know what I'm saying that, you know, dating is not like the priority or top of the list, you know, which is why there's like the whole lesbians.

I move like a lesbian or we're going to U haul.

Like, the stereotypes are there for a reason.

You know, I hear that people say stereotypes are not always wrong.

They're just incomplete versions of the reality, you know, and so let me.

Okay, so you are not wrong around the lesbian Sapphic folks wanting to try.

Yes.

But that, that's where it ends.

Like, imagine trying to, like, no avail.

Like consistently trying.

You're like, you're trying with everybody.

And as soon as you see something that you don't like, you're like, no or you.

But as soon as you smell that the person would like a relationship, I'm out.

Like, that's actually more of the theme in the Sapphic world of it all.

They have a hard time committing and actually getting to the U haul.

They want to see.

Like, that's the thing.

They want to hook up.

They want a situationship.

That's what the girls want.

They would like to test it out for a very long time.

They want to date you for like four or five months.

Four or five, six months, you know, and then at that point, you know, either one of the parties is like, what the are we doing?

I could be Spending my time elsewhere.

And then you look up and you're like, actually, that situationship took everything out of me and I no longer want to date.

Like, that's actually what the sapphic scene gives.

It's like, I actually would rather someone just want to.

I'd rather just know that you want to.

And like, that's where it kind of stops and ends.

These are out here being like, I love you, like, midfoot or like, you know, doing relationship shit.

Like in particular, taking you to like the brunch with a friends, you know, totally like, leaning on them for emotional support or like, you know, supporting a whole bunch of other ways.

And then the next day, it's like, thought I. I thought it was clear that, like, we were just like a casual thing.

Bitch, you introduced me to your mom.

What?

Like you were talking to me about getting a dog together.

You took me to.

You literally took me to look at apartments.

We.

Look, we went to open houses for apartments for a joint lease, and we were casual.

Now you got me up.

Like, that's, that's the level of like, sapphic.

It's like, yes, they get the U haul, but they forgot to put a ring on it.

Or they forgot to, like, define the relationship.

And they'd be like, whoa, you in love?

I just took you out for a romantic dinner for your birthday and plan an entire surprise party with all of your friends and loved ones.

I didn't know that meant we were together.

That's sick.

This feels new.

Is this a new occurrence?

Because I feel like the.

Yes and no.

I think it's more rampant.

I feel like it's more like, frequent when, like, people had these horror stories previously, like, but it's more frequent now.

There are some, like, some of these Sapphic girls, AFAB people that are hopping from home to home.

They're finding someone cute that they think is cool, then they want to be.

I'm putting my own tea out there.

I've dated a couple folks, like, lightly dated, Not.

Not a relationship.

For the record, nothing like that.

Maybe a date or two.

And they were pressed to see my home because they needed one.

So are you saying that, you know, the girlies don't have a home sometimes.

And the boys don't have homes either.

Damn.

They have gym bags and they go to Planet Fitness.

I know the life is hard and I'm not judging anybody, but you can't, you know, emotionally manipulate someone into thinking that it's more than it is.

And then you're like, whoa, why do you think I want to be with you, bitch.

Because you at my house every day.

You, we cook and clean together.

You take the dog out on a walk, and I do this.

Why do you think, like, I cook you breakfast every morning, I fix your lunch pail before you go off to your little job, which.

And you ask me if we're together.

I was talking to my friend about something and I was like.

And I think I was saying it from, like, my perspective that I am coming to terms of the fact that.

That meet cute.

Love that love.

You know, there are some people that you see, whether online or you know them in real life, that they met, they've been together.

So they've been locked in since they met.

They've been together for two years, five years, 30 years.

You know, you have some friends who have parents that, you know, they met in high school and they still love each other now that they're 80.

But you also have people who tried four or five times.

And it's a rap.

Some of us, our parents didn't work out.

You know, there are many stories.

And I've come to realize that not everybody's going to get that cute, cutesy love story, and that's okay.

And I think that.

And I think that maybe if it comes to terms of the fact that not everybody's going to have that story, maybe Diddy will be a little bit easier for us.

Maybe we're going with the expectations.

Maybe we'll just be like, okay, fine, I might not.

I'm here.

Cause, you know, I like the companionship, I like the sex, I like blah, blah, blah.

But it's not a thing of.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

It makes perfect sense.

I personally feel like, excuse me.

This bubbly water got me.

You know, it's not.

It's not sponsored, but y' all been seeing me with the bubbly water two episodes in a row, and they're.

They're on to something.

It's delicious and it tastes like a soda.

Shouts I got that bubbly.

You seen that video with that guy?

He's so old.

I'm gonna try and find a tick tock for you where he holding champagne.

It's like Andre or something.

And he in the kitchen.

I got that bubble and shaking it up.

Oh, we used to say.

I used to say that all the time in college, but I think it's that.

And I also think that perfectionism is ruining our dating scene in particular.

Not saying that people need to lower their standards, but because of social media, because of folks having these meet cute ideals.

Of how love should be.

A lot of these bitches walk around here, never been in a relationship, and talking about what they want their relationship to be like or having all these requirements.

But in reality, relationships take work just like any type of relationship, like romantic, platonic, familial, all of that.

And it's just showing that we've idealized love so much that we don't actually have the capacity for the real thing.

And that is sad to me.

And I think folks look at dating or love or relationships of, like, what this person can do for you in the material sense of the word versus, like, emotional support, like a listening ear, added community and it being bi directional.

Like, even in our own, like, queer dating scene, the girls are so like, what.

What is the word?

Heteronormative.

They're so heteronormative.

Like, still, there has to be a girl and a boy in dynamic, whether even though y' all both the same gender or y' all figuring it out or something.

Like I saw today on, on Threads, there's a conversation around people calling their studs my stud.

And then some people are like, I don't call my stud my stood.

I call her my pretty princess.

That's a beautiful way of talking about gender in a flowy way.

But why does your son have to be like, oh, yeah, that's my stud.

That's crazy.

You know, and it's all about esthetics and what people look like and what people do and.

And what money they have and how they showboat and how they appear online and, you know, to each his own, like, what's important to you.

But don't be surprised at the end of the day that that person is not around for the hard moments or that that person is.

Can only handle the light stuff, the superficial thing.

And I think that's what is really, like, struggling for me, like, I'm struggling with at the time.

So I put, you know, in preparation for our show, y', all, I like to put little examples.

And I'm like, one of the examples I put was a superficial suitor.

They love the idea of you.

They love the possibility of you.

But when things get hard, they get going.

So that's one person in particular I was like, the per.

The one that I hate the most that I have.

I'm not a victim.

I'm a survivor.

I'm a survivor, you know, Reba.

Isn't she racist?

She might.

No, she's not.

I don't think she is.

Shout out to Reba McIntyre, y'.

All.

Oh, I'm that that theme song just like Golden Girls goes off in my house at least once a week because I am a single mom who works two jobs, loves her kids and never stops.

Yeah.

I'm a survivor of the emotionally unavailable, the mostly unaware and the mostly avoidant.

And that is rough for me the most.

The avoidance.

The avoidance.

The avoidance.

I could write a book.

I could do a TED talk.

I could do a lot of stuff.

I want them PowerPoints about the avoidance.

And then lastly, I want y' all to take this with a grain of salt.

I really do.

There's no shade in this.

But is.

It is an archetype.

It is an assessment of the landscape that I'm offering to this space.

So no judgment, but the last one that I wanted to put on the map for folks is the ambitious go getter who wants love, but life is not necessarily in order for love.

AKA struggling financially.

And we all struggle financially.

Yeah, but.

And we need to have our priorities together before we enter serious commitments with people and try to build lives.

Because I can't be broken while love be.

You don't think so?

And you can be broken one love.

I absolutely.

But I think folks are not very.

Honest about where they are honest about.

I would say some aren't honest about this way they are.

And some aren't fully aware of how their current life circumstance may be impacting their partner in a variety of ways.

Oh, if y' all go on dates, you like to eat partner you, your partner wants to go out on dates and you for you to court them, so on and so forth.

Who's paying y' all doing dishes, y' all work in the front or the back of house.

Y' all cutting down some boxes.

Like that's.

That's a real question.

It's like in this political, in this economic hardship of a time, even a movie, going to see a movie, the dollar movies turn into what, $5 and the drinks and popcorn is still the same, you know.

So it's just like yes, you can want love and you can find free things to do.

Absolutely.

And I'm just, I'm really big on folks focusing on how to better themselves in order to be in the place to offer and give love.

You aren't necessarily in a, in a, in a.

In the place to offer and extend love if you're just trying to survive.

And that doesn't mean that you can't receive love in a romantic sense.

It may mean that you may not be ready for a long term relationship that's building A life with someone at that current time and that, you know, maybe familial love, maybe chosen familial love, chosen our blood, you know, platonic friendships are life giving to you, where that's the love that you should center.

And I think we place so much emphasis on romantic love because the society is meant for couples.

Low key.

Do you think society is meant for couples?

It is meant for couples, yes.

Heterosexual couples, by the way.

Yes.

But I feel like it's expanding to this.

Couples.

Like, if you are 1 and 2, you will take it.

Come on, like, you're accepted.

You're actual human being.

Single people.

What's wrong with you?

Why are you single for so long?

Are you a hag?

Like, yeah, I feel like I understand everything.

I, like, I agree with a lot of things that you said.

And I also agree that I don't know whether it's socialization or how we were raised to value being in a couple and all that kind of stuff.

So I'm also one of the things that I'm doing.

I'm also interrogating why I have a desire for a partnership or a relationship.

Because I don't like to be single, you know, it's not like.

It's not that.

Don't.

Don't take.

Don't.

Look what I'm saying, fool, Y'.

All.

I don't like to be single.

I don't like my bed to be empty.

No shade.

I don't like.

Exactly.

I. I don't like.

I don't like sleeping alone.

I enjoy companionship.

I enjoy loving on someone, making.

Making plans with someone.

I just like being in a relationship, you know, But I also.

I think one thing that I'm good at, though, that I give myself credit for, is that I will never.

If I'm not feeling.

I'm not.

I'm not going to stay in a situation that I don't feel like I should be in.

Like, I'm going to be like, okay, it's fine.

Okay, then it's a wrap.

I'm not.

I'm not going to.

I'm not going to try and let it linger on or especially when I know that, you know, there are things that you can't really change in the person.

I don't believe in changing people as well.

Exactly.

I'm like, you know, that's not my thing.

I love you as a person.

I think that you're good for someone.

Maybe not just for me, me.

And so I think that that's the work that I'm doing.

I Have a very anxious attachment style.

I think I am anxious something, but not.

I'm not avoidance, but I'm something else.

I need to figure that out.

I need to do that quiz.

Yeah, but I.

It's something that I'm willing to work on and figure out, okay, why do I desire companionship and relationship so badly?

You know, and then go from there, you know?

Yeah, I've been definitely interrogating it.

And it is hard to, like, have that discussion with yourself.

And then once you have that discussion with yourself, re pivoting to be like, okay, it doesn't mean I don't want it anymore.

It just means I have to go in it with clearer eyes and understanding of like, I think that's what makes us anxious.

Or that what makes us avoidant is like, we desire love in the ways that we have been socialized, how we've been raised, what we imagine for ourselves, all of that.

And then when we.

We show up and that's not what we're receiving, it causes us to be avoidant or anxious or whatever.

But I'm really.

I find myself leaning more towards anxious, secure attachment.

Like, I go back and forth.

Like, I. I can be anxious.

And I have been very anxious, anxiously attached in the past, which does fuel the anxious, avoidant dynamic.

Because if somebody anxious, the other person is going to be avoidant.

That's just the natural flow of things.

But that is true at the same time.

It's like, you can only actually confront that by being in relationship to people.

My therapist read me down.

I said, I got my feelings hurt so bad one in, like, one of my previous relationships.

And like, I was shook up.

Your girl was shook up.

My therapist was like, I was like, I don't want to date nobody no more.

I'm good on it.

I'm in a period.

I'm not dating nobody.

I'm not looking.

I'm not.

But if something, I'm like, you know, I was in the.

If something comes my way, I'll entertain.

Maybe I'll entertain it.

But I'm not looking for nothing right now.

I'm just getting used to being alone.

And she was like, the only way you fix how you show up in relationships is by being in relationship to people.

And that broke my shit open.

I was like, oh, I still.

This is not something I can fix on my own.

And I think people oftentimes think that, like.

Or you can just fix your shit on your own.

Yeah, you got to go.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to work on Myself, I'm.

Going to work on my.

To be like, oh, I need to take some time by myself.

I need to work on myself.

I need to work on myself.

But you can only fix how you're in relationship with other people because that's, that's the practice of it.

Yeah.

And I think once I realized that, I was like, okay, did it make it better necessarily, but maybe more aware, you know, it has made it better.

Like I have space, but I am more acutely aware of like the choices that we all make that then play into a dynamic.

But I just, that's why I'm like, oh, dating is hard.

So like for me, I'm curious, this is like riffing, but what makes you affirmed that someone could be a good choice for you based off of the ways that they show up or present?

I think first of all that I have to feel the passion from the other person.

Right.

And so it's like I gotta, I gotta know that you're passionate about me and that you want to be, be here and want to be with me.

And this is just like a, a side game to you.

And I can usually tell within like the first couple of interactions that, okay, fine, you know what I'm saying?

Because I, you could be talking to me because I'm the only one available or because, damn, I find this person so attractive.

I'm, I'm, I'm drawn to their personality and blah, blah, blah.

And I think that's same thing, vice versa.

Right.

And so I have to feel like, because if I'm going to take you seriously, then it means that I'm also very passionate about you as well.

So I want to know that, you know, you feel the same way and then just how you show up in the world, you know.

Yeah.

It's not really about.

I don't have like a list of characteristics that I want.

But how are you.

Do you have values that you live by or are you just moving through the window?

Yeah.

Do you have like principles that guide how you engage with your friends, your family?

You know, like it could have conduct that you judge yourself based on.

Yeah, stuff like that is the thing that like kind of like makes me.

Okay, fine, I wanna, you know, and I always find that there's a level of that missing.

Is it a the values piece or the passionate piece?

Everything else I can figure out, we can figure out.

Everything else you can figure out, but those two have to align.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

How about you?

I feel similarly, like I need someone who has Intention, you know, like, it feels similar to passion for me.

Like, it has to.

You have to be intentional with me and, and have to do everything with intention.

That's the type of person I really gravitate towards.

And as soon as I, like, get a whiff that you're not intentional and that, you know, I also, one of my biggest turnoffs is someone who you can have the worst day ever.

But, like, as long as you don't project your shit onto me or, like, do the energy transfer where you make my day bad, like, that's totally different.

And I think that is a very key, like, piece or test for if someone is like, emotionally competent for me, like, in a relationship.

Because there's going to be a lot of bad days, regardless of how happy we are, how good we are, how in love we are, all the things.

But you are going to have days that, because we live in this world together, like, we are creating and cultivating our own world.

So you can't make the bet.

Like, I, I don't want to know that you can be like, yeah, I didn't sleep well, but because you didn't sleep well, you ripping and running and tearing apart the house and you, you know, making, doing this energy transfer with other people, making other people's day bad.

You can't even see.

See the positive stuff in front of you or try to have a positive outlook.

That is an issue for me because I hate a party pooper.

I hate a party pooper.

And then also I would say principles and values.

Like, if I can't bring you around all the people in my life who are trans, who are either undocumented, who are, you know, working class, or you can't.

If I can't take.

If you can't be in multiple, multiple settings with me, and you're just so bougie and so this and so that, that's gonna be a problem for me because I love to be where my people are at and I'm the people.

So it's like, I'm a very community driven person.

So I just.

That's the one thing.

Also, you must have your own community and friends.

Speaking of community, when you don't have your own friends and community, you think I'm supposed to just leave mine, isolate myself from mine?

And that's not how things work.

And also, why don't you have friends?

And that's that.

That is the piece.

If you don't have friends, that's a red flag.

Or you don't have people to call and you aren't checking in with your friends.

And there's not like attending you do to your friends in your relationships.

It shouldn't just be about, oh, I'm about my partner.

Oh, I'm about my boo.

Like my friends.

Yes.

If I'm dating somebody, I might be a little bit more withdrawn because, I mean, but at the same time, my friends know how to get to me.

We still gonna go out?

We still gonna talk on the phone.

It's not gonna be me and BAE on the phone.

Like, hey, obey.

Say hi too.

My friend didn't call for bae.

My friend called to talk to me.

And I think people lose the plot around that.

Yeah.

Like the friends.

And that's because my friends are nosy and my community is nosy.

They want to see.

And that's also part of it is like, I want.

I want your.

Your community and your friends to be nosy about who was in your life, too.

Because I was nosy about, you know, I was nosy.

You are nosy.

You are nosy.

You are, in fact, nosy.

That's one thing about you.

Me too.

I want to know Harry's business.

I always love when I see the green.

And it is love related.

I was like, oh, that's right.

That's my thing.

The green has been greening.

We might make it to the main.

The main page sooner or later, but until then, green is greening.

And that.

We can go into that, too.

I like to protect my piece.

What's mine, what I'm cultivating.

Everybody don't need to know my business because there are some monitoring spirits around here.

People want to know your business so they can talk about it.

Wish bad on you was bad about, you know, speculate all the things.

Yeah.

And, you know, if.

And it's not a secret.

That's the thing.

It's not a secret.

But if people who know, they know.

Or if I want to be in a party with my boo and kissing and hugging, you might see me next weekend out and about with call to.

The link of come to the link up so you can see be a kissing.

Kissing,.

Y'.

All.

I might not be kissing at the event.

So be so for real.

Unless you want to buy me a shot.

No, I'm joking.

But yeah.

Come to lake up.

You'll be surprised who's there.

I just.

Yeah, I'm just.

I'll leave it there with like, is your.

Do you typically have a type?

Like, is your type someone who's like, maybe a little superficial or, like, have you attracted superficial people?

Have you attracted the, like, emotionally unaware or like the broke go getter that's still getting their life together.

I've attracted everybody.

I have attracted every single person because they go under the face of the earth.

I would say that I'm learning that I do, like femininity in my partner.

Yes.

I don't like a super masc person.

That's real.

I just feel.

Yeah.

Not my thing.

I like a little.

I like a little sweet guy.

You know, just be sweetness, you know, Sweet.

Yeah, yeah.

I.

If I had to say my type, I love, like, a tender mask.

Like, that's typically what I go for.

I love a sweetheart.

Well, my current type is a sweetheart I used to date, but I.

That's my type now.

Like, I. I love someone who is super tender, who is, like, politically aware, spiritually aware, very kind, very giving, but also mask, like.

Yeah, you know, I like that too.

That's a femme.

But okay, this is cute conversation.

Come see them on Friday, September, on Beyonce's birthday.

Come see that.

I'm screaming, come see me.

Yes.

Harry is right.

So let's move on to kin lessons.

Kin lessons, yes.

Okay, so my question for you specifically is, like, what is your orientation in regard to love and relationships right now?

Friends, to romance, and what wise words are you living by to expand your ability to love and to be loved?

Right now, I'm not putting pressure on myself.

I'm just moving in a space of, you know, if it comes, it comes.

I'm also not holding myself to the expedition that I will have a meet cute moment.

If I do, sure.

If I don't, that's also okay.

But also being present with the relationships that I have now.

So, like, my friends, my family, the people that, you know, I know that, you know, are my support system now trying to cultivate that, you know, I do want to be loved.

And so I think that my.

I'm going to leave by what, your therapist?

You know, the word of your therapist that you got to be in relationship, you know, to work on, you know, but also just.

I feel like, you know, also being.

Leading into honesty a little bit more and being like, okay, fine, this is not working out for me.

I don't think that we are aligned.

And then, you know, I think that sometimes the reason why we break, like, people get hurt.

It's because we're not honest about our feelings about where we are.

Yeah.

And so I'm gonna.

I'm gonna try and do that a lot.

A little bit more as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that's Super.

It's kind of tied to mine.

I feel like my orientation right now is to be honest, but also I'm really trying to practice boundaries and like being honest while also asserting and holding my own boundaries because oftentimes I like, I will run over my own boundaries.

You know, I'm a Libra people prison, I'm recovering.

I will run over my own boundaries to like satisfy someone else or to make them happy and.

But that is self abandonment and that's not what we should be doing.

So.

And I can't blame nobody but myself.

Like I, I don't my previous relationships, there are some like blame to be had, but they're also like, there's some accountability I have to take up for how I show up and how I, you know, hold my own boundaries and, and support myself and draw lines.

And that's something that I think we often forget that like relationships are like bi directional.

You're not talking to yourself, you're not doing things on your own.

And also like there are, you know, people's actions are their actions, they say so much more about them.

And I think the wise words I'm living by to expand my ability to love and be loved honestly, day by day.

I think I, as someone who has had a lot of trauma and hurt like everybody else, I know that I can like jump the gun and like try to map out what's gonna happen or what I think is based off of my experiences.

But I also need to live in the present moment and not, you know, fully project what I think is gonna happen versus And I think that that's.

A lot of people I know are struggling with that of like how do you have hope around love across the board, Romantic, platonic, family wise.

If I've experienced all this hurt and experience as like my evidence that things will not go right or things are not going as planned.

But you have to, you know, redemption, believe in redemption with people that like, that you've never met before or may maybe have been forgiven and apologized.

And also there's like a line too as well that there's only so much redemption, there's only so much grace.

But I think for me is like living in the, the balance of grace, you know, redemption, boundaries and like self care within it.

I really try and like with the folks that I love, I try to balance for myself, okay, what do I need right now in relationship to what they're asking of me or to what they claim that they need.

And it's not to center myself, but it's also to, like, clock for me.

Like, okay, I may have low capacity for X, Y and Z, or I may not have the spoons for that, but I may have something to offer in, like, elsewhere, like, something else to offer.

So I'm definitely, I'm sitting with that in particular as we transition from summer to fall.

Because I, I say this all the time and people love to, like, joke with me, but I'm so serious.

We are in the playoffs.

Black Pride.

Labor Day weekend is the playoffs for lover season.

People been outside.

You met some people.

Now it's time to see who you getting cuddled up with in the, in the colder months.

So Labor Day, the end of summer, that'd be like the marker for Atlanta folks.

You be seeing people on a proud child trying to find their little boo to cuddle up with in November.

And I understand you got to make your best picks because who wants to be snowed in with a loser?

Not me.

Not me.

That is our episode title.

Who wants to be snowed in with a Loser?

Yeah, I love that.

Writes down, but that is pretty much the show, y'.

All.

Thank you so much for listening.

Again, we will be doing a link up giveaway.

The link up is September 4, 5 to 9.

Yes.

At the waiting room and we're gonna have a great, great time.

Sounds by DJ Ego and Wolf Appeal, who are great DJs that are tearing up the city.

And we are giving away two sets of tickets to two special folks.

You can win the giveaway and then bring a friend.

So to enter the giveaway, you need to be following chosen Kinpod on Instagram.

And please drop a discussion question in our pinned post.

You'll see it's like a little tan post with like, what do you want to hear from us next?

We would love readers to drop any type of question that's coming up for you.

Can be silly, it can be serious, it can be messy, it can be reality driven.

Whatever.

We would love to hear it.

And then we will pick two special winners and announce it on Wednesday.

Wednesday.

Yes.

So anything else for me, Harry, before we fully close this out?

I'm just, I'm just excited.

I'm excited to meet y', all to see y' all next week.

Yes.

It's gonna be a great time.

So, yeah, that's all.

That's just all.

I'm.

That's what I'm feeling right now.

But yeah, great conversation.

Yeah, Black, probably about to be.

It's gonna be a marathon.

I'm not about to be out here in these streets with y' all.

I'm gonna be outside, but Sunday I'm going to be at the.

I'm going to be at the theater.

I'm going to do brunch with some friends, then I'm going to be at a theater on Sunday.

Are you going to the same brunch spot?

No.

So the, the.

A group of friends, we do this.

Brunch is yearly brunch on Black Friday weekend.

So I'm going to.

That's where I'm going to be.

I do remember.

Okay.

At that specific brunch.

But yeah, it's going to be a good time.

Okay.

I'm excited for you.

You booked out, of course.

This your city.

It's your city.

But that's gonna be the episode for this week, y'.

All.

You can listen to chosen kin pod wherever you listen to podcast.

And feel free to.

Not feel free.

Follow us.

Follow us on chosen kid pod on Instagram, also at Biashay and@Harry Eta.

Yeah.

On Instagram.

Instagram.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Subscribe to our YouTube.

Follow us, Apple, Spotify, everywhere.

We're there.

Yeah.

And we will see you on the next one.

The next one.

Bye, y'.

All.

Bye.