Is there a reason we find ourselves repeating the same patterns in life? Attracting similar events and experiences into our lives? Join Dr Demartini to understand why this occurs and what you can do to transcend these patterns and empower your life.

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Any time you're striving for that which is unobtainable and trying to avoid that

which is unavoidable , you're going to suffer.

You're going to keep attracting the very pattern in your life that you keep

trying to avoid.

Have you ever woken the in the morning and turned off your alarm clock

and felt like you were in Groundhog Day,

and felt like you were going through the same pattern, the same thing,

and keep having the same patterns going up? Well,

I'd like to talk about understanding the repeating patterns that occur in our

lives and what we can do about them,

because some of them may be inspiring and may some may not be.

So if you've got something to write with and write on, that would be fantastic.

I'd

like you to imagine a magnet here, on one side of the magnet,

let me get a pen. We'll

put this as the positive poll and the negative pole. Yeah.

So imagine the positive pole of the pen, something you're seeking,

and the negative pole of the pen, something you're avoiding. And

I tell you, okay, I'm going to give you this magnet,

and you're going to give just the positive pole back.

And if you're maybe understanding that ,

you can't separate the poles, you might think, well, that's not possible.

Or you might think, no, no,

I'll cut it in half and I'll give you the positive pole back.

If I was to give you a billion dollars cash,

if you could give me a positive pole without the negative pole,

you'd try probably. But you'd find out that if you cut it in half,

you'd have a positive and negative, and a positive and negative.

And if you cut it again in half, again, you'd have four positive, negative,

positive, negative, positive, negative, positive, negative. So

desiring that which is unobtainable, the positive pole of the magnet, and

avoiding trying to avoid that which is unavoidable in the magnet,

is the source of human suffering. That's a quote from the Buddha.

But yet we do it.

And many times we are searching for one-sided outcomes,

a pleasure without a pain, a peace without a war, a nice without a mean,

a kind without a cruel, give without a take.

And life has a tendency to have those in balance.

That's that's the nature of the universe here. Pairs of opposites.

Now that's been written about for at least 2,500 years in the Western world.

So it's not new. The unity of opposites has been known even back to Heraclitus.

But when people strive to get one side

or they morally impose on things, good,

bad, right, wrong, positive, negative, labels,

and then they try to get the one side and trying to avoid the other,

they'll keep having this side that you're trying to avoid,

that they keep running away from, they keep running into it.

Jung called it the shadow . You can't get rid of your shadow.

It follows you around.

So if you're searching for calm, you'll attract turmoil,

you're searching for peace,

you'll attract some person that wants to go to war with you, ,

you're searching for protection, you'll get an aggressor.

Whatever you're searching for, whatever, the opposite pole, will come with it.

And people think, well, no, no, If I think only positive words,

I'm going to get positive outcomes. Well, could try.

I did research on that when I was about 28 for two years and found that didn't

turn out to be exactly what people told me. Paul Dirac said,

it's not that we don't know so much,

it's that we know so much that isn't so .

We're taught a lot of moral hypocrisies.

We're taught a lot of opiums for the masses because it sells.

People want to hear that. May not be what is true,

it's just that what people want to hear.

And so they'll buy what they want to hear because it sells.

But I'm not very good at selling something that I'm not really believing in,

so I'm not going to do that. So

if all of a sudden you're searching for the one sided world and the other one

keeps coming, it's because you've polarized your perception.

Now everybody here has probably had a moment in their life where they have

been so resentful to somebody, or some event, usually an individual,

that you couldn't sleep at night,

they occupied space and time in your mind and you were mulling around in them

and the anger and frustration, because you saw a negative without a positive.

You were conscious of the downsides and unconscious of the upsides.

So it kept running around in your brain.

And you want to avoid and escape that and search for this other thing.

But it's running around in your brain.

You've also been highly infatuated with somebody,

maybe you met somebody new and you could hardly sleep at night.

It was occupying space and time in your mind and running you.

And what's interesting is anything that is polarized with your

conscious of the upside, unconscious of the downside,

and it's highly polarized with a positive label,

it's going to end up as noise in the mind.

And anything that's really negative that you're conscious of the downside,

unconscious of the upside is going to be running around in your mind.

Anytime you try to separate those two poles, separate the inseparable,

divide the indivisible's, label the unlabelbel's, you know,

try to polarize the unpolarizable's, and divide the indivisibles,

name these ineffable's I call them,

they're going to occupy space and time in your mind,

and the more you try to get one the other one's going to follow.

Every event has these two sides. What's interesting is,

if you're infatuated something, you automatically resent its opposite.

And if you resent something you're infatuated with its opposite.

They come as pairs.

If you're infatuated and have a fantasy about how life's supposed to be and life

doesn't match it in your perception, you'll be depressed.

So the elation in your mind comes with the depression that's in your head.

When I work with people that have clinical depression in the Breakthrough

Experience, the signature program I do,

people come in there and I've yet to see a depression.

Not one that didn't have unrealistic expectations and fantasies.

They've been told they have a clinical depression,

they've been told they have a biochemical imbalance, maybe ,

that's not necessarily the cause, that's at least the correlate,

it's a neural correlate maybe, or chemical correlate.

But it doesn't necessarily mean that's the cause,

although the pharmaceutical industry may want you to believe that.

And maybe they'll treat it even though the results are not as high as people

would like to imagine. The reality is that inside their mind,

they're comparing their current reality to what they wish it would be,

and what they wish it would be has more positives than negatives.

So the way reality is, is it got more negatives than positives,

because they're pairs of opposites.

So any time you're striving for that which is unobtainable and trying to avoid

that which is unavoidable , you're going to suffer.

You're going to keep attracting the very pattern in your life that you keep

trying to avoid.

And this is what I'm going to call Groundhog Day in a sense.

So giving yourself permission to embrace both sides of life is liberating.

What's interesting, and you know,

I rarely do a talk without talking about values,

but whenever you're living by your very highest value and you know what's really

important to you, and you know what's really priority to you,

you'll notice that you're more resilient and adaptable because you're more

neutral. When you're living by your highest values, your blood, glucose,

and oxygen goes in the forebrain,

you start to become more objective and reasonable, less polarized and emotional.

You're activating systems 2 thinking where it's a little slower,

but it's more reasonable and it's thoughtful and you're more objective.

You're seeing both sides of things more simultaneously and less emotionally

polarized and trying to avoid one and seek the other. See in our amygdala,

in our systems1 thinking we want to seek the prey and we want to avoid the

predator. So we tend to polarize things.

And so the second we are seeking the prey,

the back of our mind's the predator ,

and the second we think of the predator, the back of our mind is our prey,

where they can't separate the two.

We need both of them to sustain and maintain life.

Prey without predator would make us gluttonous and fat and not fit.

And predator without prey would make us emaciated and starve without fit.

But he put the two together, you maximize your fitness. Well,

the same thing in life.

But many times we've been hoodwinked into thinking we're supposed to get

positive without negative, nice without mean, kind without cruel.

But can you really live that way? ,

if I was to go up to you and start a relationship with you, and I said, okay,

my expectation is you'd always be positive, never negative, always kind,

never cruel, always giving, never taking, always generous, never stingy,

peaceful, never wrathful.

You would go 'Ahh I can't guarantee I could do that,' because your intuition

would know that that's not obtainable. But yet we do it.

We're searching for that which is unobtainable and

unavoidable throughout our lives, primarily because

be nice,. don't be mean, be kind, don't be cruel, be positive,

don't be negative.

We're told this moral hypocrisy about how we're supposed to be and you're trying

to get rid of half of your life and trying to get rid of half of life in the

pursuit of it, instead of embracing it. So the more we strive for one side,

the more the other side smacks us. And we keep repeating our cycles.

I had a lovely lady that was married five times,

five frigging marriages. Now you'd probably think, well this is interesting,

but there was a common denominator in every one of the marriages,

their husbands were named Mike and they drank.

And so what she was trying to avoid in her father who was named Mike,

who was an alcoholic, she kept running into,

'cause anything you try to run away from, you keep running into,

it keeps following you.

'Cause we tend to seek that which is the opposite of what we're trying to run

away from. The more we seek it, the more infatuate we are with it,

the more resenting of the opposite. And the more we resent the opposite,

it means that neither one of those have a balanced perspective and we're not

really going to grow maximally. So the more we're infatuated with something,

more blind we are to the downsides,

the more we are attracting the downsides to make us grow.

It's like if you go and get prey and you eat the prey and you get really fat and

gluttonous,

you increase the probability of predator targeting you because the predator now

gets the most amount of calories with the least amount of effort because you

can't run fast 'cause you overate.

So the predator increases the probability of attacking you when you overdo the

prey. So the more you seek one side, the more you attract the other side.

They're pairs of opposites.

So I don't promote a one-sided pursuits. They're fantasies.

And fantasies lead to really letdowns and nightmares.

I'm interested in pursuing objectives. There's a very interesting thing.

If you pursue challenges that inspire you and embrace the pains and

pleasures in the pursuit of it, you have the most stable focus.

But if you're trying to get a one-sided world where there's all pleasure,

no pain, like a hedonistic pursuit, you usually end up with a nightmare.

It's like taking opium and expecting to have pleasure without pain,

side effects, and withdrawal symptoms, and addictions.

So it's not wise to go and try to find a one-sided world.

It's not wise to even label things. Every time we judge something, we empty.

That's why in the Breakthrough Experience program that I've been teaching for

all these years, I try to help people break through that.

That's why I've developed the Demartini Method, to clear that,

so people don't have to run into it. See,

anytime we see an event or perceive an event that we perceive has got more

positives than negatives or more negatives than positives, it's stored,

our amygdala assigns a valency of positive and negative to it,

stores it in the hippocampus, which is our memory system for survival,

stores it there. So then we call that the subconscious mind.

That subconscious mind holds that as an association.

So anytime we get around something that reminds of it,

it brings up that association and we want to seek its opposite if it's painful,

or seek the thing if it's pleasureful and avoid that thing that's opposite,

that's painful. And the second we do that,

we end up going into a vicious cycle of repeatedly trying to get something

that's not obtainable.

So pursuing fantasies and trying to avoid nightmares,

which is what the animal normally does and the thing that distinguishes us from

the animals is our ability to have reason and objectivity and to use our brain

more balanced, and we have the capacity to do that,

'cause any animal can go off and avoid pain and seek pleasure.

But the human is capable of balancing those and seeing both sides.

So if we pursue a balanced orientation, we stop the cycles.

Now the question, the title today was understanding the repeating patterns.

Well,

anytime you have stored in your subconscious mind some

or a pain without a pleasure,

a positive without a negative or negative without a positive,

you're going to be storing that and it's going to run your life and it's going

to keep repeating.

You'll be keeping going after the things you think are fantasies and you'll keep

avoiding the nightmares and you'll keep attracting those because you're there to

grow.

One of the things that I've taught people in the Breakthrough Experience and

other programs, is that, I had people in my relationship program also,

I had people to write down what are they seeking in a mate. You know,

we all have this search image and this anti search image when we're looking for

a mate.

And the search image is all the things that have supported our values throughout

our life that we compiled it to composite, we search that,

that's the pleasure we want.

And then all the things that have challenged our values,

we've created a composite of that and that's a thing we want to avoid.

And if we see this, we're turned on. If we see this, we're turned off.

But what you find out is if you make a list of everything you're searching for,

you'll find out it's already in your life in one or many people.

And the opposite is also in your life with one or many people.

And you'll find out that if you go through your life, through time,

you'll find out that they're both there all the way through your life in one or

many people. So you didn't gain or lose anything.

You just changed the form of things.

The master lives in a world of transformation,

the masses live in the illusions of gain without loss, or gain and loss.

So I try to tell people that if you strive for that which is unobtainable,

you're just going to create suffering in your life.

If you realize you're going to get both, when you get married,

you're going to have things that you're going to hug and slug about. ,

cooperation, competition, peace and war. I've asked people,

everybody that's ever come to the Breakthrough Experience,

how many have peace and war in your family? They all put their hands up.

How many have hugs and slugs in your relationship? Yep.

Agreements and disagreements?

So to search for that which is unobtainable and try

unavoidable,

it's going to end up being the thing that's going to keep you recycling this

thing over and over again. When you embrace the whole of yourself,

the people you care about, your goals, life, the world,

you'd be surprised, life's pretty amazing.

But when you keep trying to get rid of half of it and only search for one half

of it, you'll keep going through repeating cycles of fantasies and nightmares,

fantasies and nightmares, and you'll keep being hooked.

And what's interesting is,

those very moral hypocrisies are trying to get rid of something and be only one

sided are the very sources of what make us hooked by the things,

people can sell us the fantasies easily,

and people can actually scare us with a nightmare.

You're going to have eternal damnation and eternal salvation. It hooks you,

makes you want to avoid one and seek the other. It's marketing.

But in the process of doing it, it's not fact. , it's fiction.

When you finally realize that there's two sides to life,

and embrace both sides equally and know that's what you're going to get in your

relationships, that's what you're going to get in every goal that you set.

How many times have you set a goal and you thought, well,

I'm going to get more positives with this one, more advantage than disadvantage.

That's the amygdala. The amygdala is blind and it's there for survival.

It's not there for thrival.

So you think you're going to get all positive without a negative,

and you get there and you go, well, I didn't know this was happening.

Imagine if you were to go to Mars and you're Elon Musk and you're trying to go

to fly to Mars. You need to have every skeptic in there to go in there,

what happens if this happened? What's happens if this happens?

And prepare for it. You need both sides to make the trip to Mars.

You need both sides in order to master your life.

I'm not here to get rid of half of myself.

I'm here to love both sides of myself.

And the same thing for the people around me.

That's why in the Breakthrough Experience my signature program,

I teach people how to live by their highest values,

where they're most objective so they set goals that are more reasonable,

so they get out of the cycles of repeating avoiding and seeking.

I also show them how to do the Demartini Method on then how to dissolve the

emotional baggage that's stored in the subconscious mind that keeps them

repeating these cycles. And I show them how to own the traits of the greats,

their heroes and villains,

so they basically not in denial inside themselves of their power in life.

So they can give themselves permission to do something more extraordinary in

their life. And I show them how to manifest them,

how to stay focused on what it is that they want instead of distracted by

everybody's expectation on them. You know,

everybody's getting up in the morning and dedicating their life to their

fulfillment, not yours. So you don't, unless you have a genie,

you're the one responsible for your own.

So if you set up fantasies and try to avoid nightmares in your life and try to

get a one-sided life all your life, you're going to end up with self-defeat,

self depreciation. The more you strive for a one-sided world,

the more you're going to beat yourself up, think you're self sabotaging,

wonder about yourself, question, have anxiety, doubts.

All those things that we call the negativities are

let you know that you're pursuing a one-sided event,

which is going to keep repeating it cycle. And people keep doing that.

Anytime you try to live outside your own highest values,

anytime you try to look for fantasies,

you're going to keep getting these nightmares.

And they're going to be there for you.

They're going to love you enough to make sure you get smacked by the other side

that you're trying to avoid,

to help you grow and mature and to set real goals in real times in real

strategies that really have real meaning in life.

So if you want to understand why you're doing the repeating cycles, ,

I gave you some insight.

Just know that there's two sides to every event in life.

And trying to divide it up and separate it and get a one-sided magnet is going

to be futile. And as I've just said it this last time,

that's the reason why I do the Breakthrough Experience

I try to teach people how to master their lives and help them empower all their

lives, every area of their life,

their quest for mental understanding and wisdom, their quest for, you know,

vocational success and fulfillment, their business and financial quest,

their relationship quest, their social leadership quest,

their physical health and wellbeing quest, and their inspiration.

You can empower all those if you set real objectives, embrace both sides,

and pursue something that's deeply meaningful. In fact, the word meaningful,

it means it's full, it's not empty. See,

if you infatuate with something and minimize yourself,

You're too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.

If you're resentful to somebody and looking down on them and exaggerating

yourself, you're too proud to admit what you see in them inside you,

and you're missing that. Those missingness are voids, they're incompletes,

and those voids want to be fulfilled.

And so they're basically going to keep running your life until you eventually

learn to love. And love is embracing both sides. So if you want to have meaning,

which is the mean between the pairs of opposites,

you want to have love in your life, you want be inspired by your life,

if you want to be grateful for your life,

if you want to be certain and present in your life,

then come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience so I can show you the

science and the tools and principles that have helped me do something with my

life that's inspiring and to be grateful and fulfilled in life.

So if you'd love to do that, I'd love to help you do that.

But just know that you are going to keep repeating cycles as long as you search

for that which is unobtainable and trying to avoid that which is unavoidable.

It'll just keep making you search for fantasies and repeat your fantasies and

repeat your nightmares until you finally realize that love is a combination,

the synthesis and synchronicity of all complementary opposites.

And it's always present ,

but we sometimes are trapped in our illusions of one sidedness and not seeing

the magnificence as it is. I'm Dr. Demartini,

until next week I'll see you then.

But come and join me at the Breakthrough Experience so I can transform and show

you how to master your life and to help you go past your patterns.