What if the very things you're doing to protect yourself from rejection are actually keeping you from the connection you're longing for?

Episode Summary

Have you ever felt lonely even when you're surrounded by people? Maybe you have friends, family, a spouse, a church community—and yet something inside you still feels disconnected, unseen, or alone.

Licensed mental health counselor Breeze Potts joins Willow for an honest conversation about why women often struggle with loneliness and what can keep us trapped there. Breeze shares that underneath anxiety, depression, relational conflict, and other struggles, she often hears a deeper question from women: Who am I, will I be accepted, and am I enough?

Together, Breeze and Willow unpack how comparison, social media, shame, and the fear that our struggles are "too much" can cause us to withdraw from the very relationships we need. We may cancel plans, stop returning texts, become critical of others, or convince ourselves that no one really wants to know us. And sometimes, without realizing it, our inner assumptions begin creating the loneliness we're trying to escape.

But there is another way. Breeze encourages women to lean in—to challenge the stories we tell ourselves, become aware of our patterns, reach out, and take small courageous steps toward connection. And at the heart of it all is the beautiful truth of Emmanuel: God is with us. We don't have to clean ourselves up, fix everything, or become someone else before God meets us. He meets us as we are.

If you've been feeling lonely, disconnected, rejected, or convinced that you're too much, this conversation will remind you that you are worthy of relationship, community, and love—and you don't have to stay isolated.

Meet Breeze Potts

Breeze Potts is a licensed mental health counselor who has been practicing for more than 12 years. She has a gift for "drawing the deep out of people," helping women explore the thoughts, assumptions, patterns, and experiences that can keep them stuck.

Breeze and Willow have been friends for nearly 20 years, and their long-standing friendship gives this conversation an especially honest and vulnerable feel. Breeze brings both professional training and personal experience to the conversation, openly acknowledging that many of the questions she helps women navigate are ones she has wrestled with herself.

Key Takeaways

• When you feel lonely or disconnected: Look beneath the loneliness and ask what beliefs or fears may be keeping you from reaching out.
• When comparison makes you feel like you're not enough: Recognize how social media and idealized images can distort the way you see yourself and your life.
• When you assume you're too much or too broken: Challenge the inner story that says you're the exception—that God's grace and other people's love somehow don't apply to you.
• When you're tempted to isolate: Take one small step toward connection instead of waiting for someone else to rescue you from loneliness.
• When you wonder whether God is really with you: Remember Emmanuel—God meets you right where you are, just as you are.

How This Episode Will Encourage You

If you're lonely, don't believe the story that you're too much, too broken, or too difficult to love. Lean in, reach out, and let safe people remind you of who you really are. God is with you—and He often uses other people to help you experience that truth.

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Welcome to the Collide Podcast. We're a growing community of everyday chicks colliding with Jesus in our mess, our pain, our joy, and our stories.

We value showing up as we truly are, so that's what you'll find here, walls and masks being torn down so that we can allow Jesus to meet us where we truly are and hear about other women doing the same. We can't wait to collide with you.

Welcome to the Collide Podcast.

I'm Willow Weston, the founder and director of Collide, and I'm so excited about today's episode because y' all get to hang out with Breeze Potts, who's one of my dearest friends.

And Breeze and I have known each other for about 20 years, and we used to do college ministry together back in the 90s when I wore overalls and carried Dooney and Burke purses, and you made fun of me, Breeze.

And I wore cargo shorts.

Yes, cargo shorts and fleece. Yeah, fleece jackets, vests, something like that. Is that right?

Just pullovers.

Okay, pullovers. And Breeze is now a licensed mental health counselor and has been practicing for about 12 years.

And she has, what I like to say, this amazing gift of drawing the deep out of people. And so I am so blessed to have her as a friend.

We do life together, we raise kids together, our husbands are dear friends, and I get a process, life's ups and downs with her. So you guys will be blessed today as she is on the podcast. So, Breeze, I'm so glad you're here.

Thanks for having me.

And you don't have a fleece vest on.

I don't. I've grown up a little.

Nice. Me too. Me too.

So, Breeze, you work with women often in your counseling practice and in your work with women, what are you finding that they're showing up to your counseling office struggling with?

I think I find that women are often struggling with some sense of who they are, and that might manifest itself in the way of anxiety or depressive symptoms, relational conflict. But I think at the deeper level, the bigger question is, who am I and will I be accepted? Am I able to be accepted? Am I enough? Some of those themes.

And it would be honest for me to say that part of my perspective may come from my own experience of that being stuff I've dealt with too. So, you know, I'm trained to look for certain things, but also so much of my perspective is just built on my own personal experience.

Mm. So this month, as we are in, you know, the heart of December, and we're looking at this idea of Emmanuel and this idea of a God who's with us. I keep.

I can't help but keep thinking about these moments I've had in my own life, but also in my work with women. It feels like over and over again, so many of us often feel like no one is with us, and yet we have this God who's with us.

And I'm wondering if you're seeing this too. When women come in and they're dealing with some of those things you mentioned, how are you seeing women struggling with feeling alone?

I think I feel like women are struggling and feeling alone because they feel like they can't be fully real about some of their struggles.

So,.

You know, whatever that is, like, I'm, I swear at my kids or I'm, you know, addicted to reality TV shows or whatever the degree is. I feel like there's some element of if other people knew this about me, that would be bad, that would be shaming.

And that keeps us from being authentic with people. It keeps us from being just real. And I think that ultimately leaves people feeling alone.

Do you feel like people come into your counseling office as like, oh, this is my one place that I can be real?

Or do you think people also come into counseling and they're still trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the counselor, too, and try to act like they have it all together because they still don't want to come forth with whatever it is that they want to keep covered up?

I don't know that there's a one size fits all answer. I guess maybe a little bit of both. And I don't. I don't know that I feel like anyone comes in seeking to try to pull the wool over my eyes.

Right, right.

But maybe lacks the awareness of what's going on more internally and maybe is resistant to developing the awareness, like exercising some of those muscles and kind of doing some of the work that would help develop that and give us some inner eyes. You know, perhaps they aren't wanting to do that, so we get a little stuck.

Right.

So when you say that you see women struggling with feeling alone because they're afraid to share what's really going on in their life, that maybe somehow they won't be accepted or they'll be rejected or they be misunderstood or whatever. It just makes me think of this woman that I met outside my office one day in the last probably six months or so.

And I was on my way to the bathroom and I ran into her and we started talking next Thing, you know, she started crying, and then I invited her into my office, and we sat down, and she began to describe her life, her family life, everything that had been going on. And she was in just desperation and disarray and basically said, I've been a Christian for decades, and I have no idea how to let God into this mess.

Which really struck me that here's this woman who'd been invited into relationship with God and had known him for years, and she had no idea how to let God into that, let alone. Here she was talking to me, a stranger. But other people in her life did not know the state of her home and her family and what was going on.

Right, right. I think it makes me think that I fit into this category.

But, you know, I think many of us think we're the exception to the rule and that our stuff is too big or our stuff is too much.

And therefore, you know, if I live out of the scenario that my stuff is too big for God, that his death on the cross doesn't apply to me, that's really isolating that, really. I mean, then what. What is. What hope does the gospel have for me? And what purpose is there for me to be authentic with people?

Those are kind of broad strokes that I'm not living. Like, I'm not conscious of those thoughts every day, necessarily.

But I think they certainly infiltrate into my behaviors and my decisions to keep myself more guarded. Because if I'm the exception to the rule spiritually, you know, then.

Then that same level of relational dynamic applies to my friendships and to my marriage, you know? Well, there's a different set of rules for me than there is for you or there is for my kids.

And ultimately, then I'm kind of reinforcing this inner idea that I'm bad and no one else is. Well, that's pretty lonely, and it feels pretty crappy.

That's such an interesting idea, that we do think of ourselves as the exception to the rule, but not in a good way.

Right.

Like, it's totally okay for you to tell me all about your marital problems. I don't actually mean you, Bruce. I'm using an example. But it is okay if you ever want to talk to me about those. But we often think.

But it's not okay for me to divulge that stuff because I'll accept you, but I'm not sure that you're gonna accept me, exactly. Which keeps very long.

Right, right, right, right. And then it sort of reinforces the story I tell myself, which is, my stuff must be too Much.

And God must love other people, or other people must love other people more than they're willing to love me. And none of that's actually. There's no evidence to prove any of that to be true. But we sort of live out of this false reality, then.

Mm. So what do you think are the external contributing factors to feeling alone, and what are the things that we do as women to this feeling?

Not just we're alone because we're freshly divorced or we're alone because our best friend moved away, but what are some of the other contributing factors to feeling alone, and what are the things that we do as women to contribute to our feelings of being alone?

I think there's more to it than this, but the very first thought that comes to mind is comparison.

And I think we live in a world where I compare myself to the next person, whether it's based on what her body looks like or what she's wearing or how she seems like, whether or not she seems like she has it together or how well behaved her kids are, whatever the scenario is.

But I think comparison is at the root, and I think the world of social media and Pinterest and all of those things kind of keep that perpetuated because people are posting their ideal lives. Right. I mean, that's kind of a thing we talk about.

And Pinterest, you know, has all these pictures of ideal houses and ideal stitch fix outfits and this, that and the other. But if that's not my reality, then it just makes it kind of a downward spiral for me personally.

Where then, oh, again, I'm the exception to the rule, and I must not fit into these categories because my house doesn't look like that or my outfits don't look like that or my kids don't behave that way. So that's the first thing that comes to mind. I mean, there could be more, but that's what I think of initially.

Mm.

And then do you see that moving into sort of this place of keeping secrets or just staying quiet or keeping to ourselves in our story of what's actually going on? I mean, how do you see that comparison begin to move us towards a place of loneliness?

I think that's a great question. I think for me personally, I think it leads me towards further isolation, and isolation makes me feel lonely.

So I guess I can't speak for everyone and say that that's the theme, but that's what happens for me personally. I look at Pinterest too much or Facebook too much, and I start this sort of inner dialogue of Comparison.

And eventually I'm not like returning text messages as quickly or like not reaching out to friends and canceling lunch dates or whatever just because I'm not feeling good about myself.

And I know that, but it's really hard to tell those closest to me, like, hey, I'm canceling lunch with you today because I'm not feeling awesome about myself and I'm feeling too vulnerable to let you know that. Wouldn't that be a different conversation to have? But instead I'm just canceling it and putting up a wall and saying you can't get in.

Does that make sense?

Oh, totally.

It's fascinating though, because as you're talking, I'm thinking, so this is the worst downward spiral though, because when we start to isolate ourselves because we're not feeling good about ourselves, then your example of so I cancel my lunch date because I'm not feeling good about myself.

Well, the other person feels rejected because you keep not answering their phone calls or texting them back, or you're breaking plans with them and that other person is going, wow, what's going on in our friendship? So they stop initiating, which just then increases the feelings of isolation, which increases the feelings of loneliness.

And the other person is feeling the same way. Right? It's a big misunderstanding.

Absolutely. One that I think takes a really strong relationship to be able to work through and be honest about.

It takes a lot of intention and integrity in the relationship to be able to have those conversations. And I think those are super important. I wonder how often we're willing to have them.

Have you had an experience where you've been able to have that conversation, that kind of conversation in depth, and say to someone, that's what was going on?

I feel like you and I have had to have some of those conversations, you know, over the years. Like whether that's you kind of calling me out on something or me having to say like, hey, are we okay?

I feel like there's something going on and we can talk through that, you know, the vibes going each direction. But I think, I think your friendship has been a place where we've been able to explore that.

And that's been so super helpful for me and really helped me grow in my own self awareness of like, wait, what am I doing and why am I doing it? And now I have better eyes to see. Like, oh yeah, I've been on. It sounds so silly, but like, I've been on Pinterest too much.

I need to get off because I'm starting to tell myself these stories That I don't matter which. What I don't. That seems so ridiculous. But that's where I can get so.

But it's not ridiculous because we are letting all of these messages enter into our mind and hearts all day long without even realizing that they're speaking to us and they're saying things.

Right.

And it's almost like you don't even notice. And then you're find yourself in a. You're in a bad mood and you don't know why.

And then you start kind of going into this internal place of all the ways that you're unhappy with and discontent with what you have going on. And then someone else maybe has what you don't have, and then you start getting weird with them. Right. I mean, we all can resonate with this story.

And I. I have to go back to what you said about our friendship. I feel like that's one of God's best gifts to me, is him giving you to me where we can have these really honest conversations.

And I think they've helped both of us when we know we're not going anywhere.

Right.

We're going to be friends for a long time. We're committed to this. So let's talk about what's going on.

Right.

And then we're able to recognize patterns.

So then if I see a pattern in you or you see a pattern in me, we can just say, hey, like, I've noticed that you're doing that thing you do when you are struggling. Are you okay? And then it becomes we're caring for each other instead of reading each other's isolation as something that we've personally done wrong.

Right. And like some element of judging the other person. I think that's a thing that can happen. Yeah.

And I think I, too, think your friendship to me has been God's gift. But I think we're having a sentimental moment here.

Guys, aren't you glad you're with us?

But I think.

I mean, I think we got to that point by having a few of these interactions and both being willing to do the hard work of leaning in and exploring that. So it may. I think that's how we got to that place. We didn't just stumble upon it. We had to work hard to get there. And it wasn't always easy.

But I think, like you said, I think we've both grown from it, and that's been so valuable.

Yeah. It's worth the hard work.

It is. Yeah, it is.

When you think about other women, because you have been so honest with us, Today. But when you think about other women, how do you see other women isolating or shutting people out?

The most simple answer is just choices to not let themselves get involved. Like not whether that's like getting involved at a school and getting to know people or if that's not following through.

If someone's invited you to do something, saying no because you're not sure they actually mean it. I think just kind of the most simple way to answer is just making choices to keep yourself isolated.

Or the, or the flip side would be to then become critical and cynical and maybe a little bit more judgmental of other people. I think that also keeps us more isolated because then we're not, we're not sending out good vibes and energy that draw people towards us.

I think it's a little off putting when we seem angry and frustrated and easily critical of other people.

Yeah, it's so interesting the things we do because sometimes I don't even know if we as women realize we're doing it, but it's almost like we put a clothes sign up, like we're not open for business. Don't come knocking.

Right.

And it's not because we don't want to engage or we don't want relationship, but it's almost like we're afraid of it, you know? And I think a lot of women maybe put that clothesline up by like you say, coming across as bitter or hardened.

But also there's a lot of women that are kind of looking unapproachable and have that clothesline up because they look so busy and they look all together and they look so content and happy with their life. Like they have their own friends, they have their great house, they have their great husband.

And so often I'll talk to women like that where they feel so alone and no one's initiating with them, but it's because they put off this vibe that, like, I've got everything I need and I don't need you.

Right, right, right.

Which is really interesting too because it's almost the opposite of like shutting people out where you're, you're trying to make your life look like you've got it all together so people will like you and engage you, but instead they don't because you look so, so perfect.

Right, right.

What are some brave ways you think women can begin to allow God and others in to be with them where they're at?

I think the first thing I want to say is to surround yourself with people who will remind you of who you are and of your Value. I think once you have a deeper acknowledgement and acceptance of your value, I think. More authentic relationship is possible.

And that seems a little like self focused, but I think we all need to be reminded of who we are.

I think that's one of the things Bob Goff talked about so much is when you meet people, tell them who you experience them to be, I think that's just super powerful.

So not to go off on a tangent, but I think when we start to believe that other people see something good enough, we can also start to believe less that we are the exception to the rule and new patterns can be established. And I think we become more willing to say, like, hey, I'm having a really bad day, could you pray for me?

Or could we get together instead of doing the opposite of canceling a lunch date, maybe calling a friend and saying, I just, could we just get together? I'm just losing it and leaning in instead of putting up that wall.

But I think, I think that takes some inner work, whether that's with a good friend or with a therapist or someone who can help you kind of re establish your awareness of, of who you are and not only listen to the lies about who you are not.

I love the words leaning in because that's kind of the opposite of what we tend to do when we don't think people can handle what we really have going. So then kind of leaning out maybe is where you find loneliness.

Right, right.

And leaning in and going walk towards what you hope to experience instead of walk away from it.

Right, right. I mean, I think, I think lean in, lean out is helpful language in my profession, but it's also been really helpful language in my personal life.

And the lean in is symbolic of what, of exactly what you're saying. Challenging my inner assumption. My inner assumption is the very thing that often will lead me out to lean out of relationship.

But you know, wise people in my life will say, well wait, did they actually say that or did they actually do that? And then all of a sudden I have to wrestle with the fact that oh no, they didn't.

So I'm just telling myself this story and to figure out more truth, I have to lean in. I have to explore that with them. Does that make sense?

Totally talk to me more about inner assumptions.

Inner assumptions or self talk is I might talk about it with clients are these things that basically thoughts that we ruminate on about beliefs that we tell ourselves about who we are and how we fit in to relationships around us.

I find that often in my life and in the life of people I work with, in lives of friends and family members, our inner assumptions are often distorted to some degree. Not 100% distorted, but distorted enough that they don't help us see accurately.

So inner assumptions are things that I think need to be challenged and to be questioned because I think they keep us in an unsettled place. But we can, we can feed them. And the way we feed them is with more inner assumptions and more self talk.

Or we can starve them by leaning in towards healthy relationships and finding a.

More.

Accurate perception of ourself.

Sometimes in my counseling practice, I'll talk about carnival mirrors, which seems kind of like a funny thing to talk about, but I think this sort of captures my idea of what inner assumptions are. So, you know, when you go into the house of mirrors at a carnival and you know, you have the short, squatty ones and you have the long.

Lean ones, I'm always looking for those. Where's the long lean mirror? I've been waiting to see this for.

A while, but neither of those are an accurate representation of who we are. We still look like ourselves, right? So it's, it's similar enough that it's, it could be believable.

But those are not real mirrors that actually depict back to us our character and our sense of value and our sense of worth. And, you know, all those things, they don't, they don't reflect to us, our identity, they distort it.

And I think that's harmful if we only live out of our assumptions, because.

Some of those inner assumptions play out into actions that then affect our actual relational experiences with people that lend a right. So can you give an example of like, how you see an inner assumption lead to loneliness? Because I think this is so easy to resonate with for people.

So I'll give you one of mine. An inner assumption of mine. Is that like trying to figure out how to word it?

An inner assumption of mine would be that I'm broken more than other people and that they won't know what to do with me.

And so I look for evidence to reinforce that so I can look to my family members and they will tell me things like, you're too sensitive or stop feeling so much.

And while those are not meant to be harmful comments, I take them through the filter of my assumption that I'm broken and that that's too much for people. So that reinforces some of that idea which then makes me not want to show my emotion in front of my family.

And then if I can't show My emotion in front of my family, then it means I have to think, spend less time with them, because I'm just really an emotional person. And so you slowly by slowly or slowly.

Little by little.

Thank you. Little by little, I'm distancing myself from them to the point that we don't really have much relationship. So.

So the. The culprit is your inner assumption. And your inner assumption has to be made whole.

It has to heal in order for you to stop carrying out patterns and behavior. You contribute to your own loneliness.

Yes.

Right.

It's so interesting because.

And I wrote about this in the New Birds and Lilies Bible Study, but I was challenged by a counselor when I was experiencing kind of this devastating friendship loss for me. And he had me. He was really challenging me. And he uses different wording, but it's the same idea, which is, Willow, you have to rewrite the story.

Like, tell me five other stories in the story you've been playing out in your head over and over again. Because the story that I'd been playing out over and over in my head is, I'm not worthy of being chosen.

Right.

And I had to practice for a week. That was my homework.

He sent me away for a week and said, I want you to come back and tell me five other stories of what could be happening when I hadn't even considered any other stories in this relationship with this person that had anything to do with anything other than the fact that I'm not worthy of being chosen. And then that belief system about myself.

Right.

Played into all of my actions, which then created such misunderstanding and such distance in a relationship that, you know, feels like it can't be gapped. But it is so interesting how we can contribute to our own loneliness.

Right.

And so often, I don't know if you see this, but so often I see myself doing this, but I see this in a lot of women where, when we feel lonely, we're waiting for everyone else to solve that for us.

And we're very often not asking ourselves the question of how is my own behavior, my belief about myself, my inner assumptions, how are those playing into this feeling of loneliness? Do you see that, too?

Yeah, I think. I mean, again, personally, I think the feeling of loneliness. This is a strong word, but it's a little victimizing.

So we were sort of looking out and viewing the world around us and, you know, feeling disconnected from them, but we're not actually owning, like you said, our part in that. And that's such a helpful reframe to think, wait, how Am I contributing to my own perception of reality here?

Because that, that naturally gives us some empowerment where the feeling of feeling victimized by our circumstances or by our relationships is naturally disempowering.

Like if we're lonely because no one else wants to be in relationship with us, but we're not willing to consider our assumptions of how we got there, then our hands are tied. There's nothing we can do. This is just. This is just our fate. And that's a pretty sucky experience.

So the reframe of thinking through our part is gentle, but it also helps us figure out, well, wait, what can I work on to change this reality or this perception of reality? And I think that can be more empowering for people. It's still hard work and I think it can still be emotional, but I think it's certainly important.

Keep in mind, I'm a therapist, so I believe emotions are important and worth talking about.

To go backwards a little bit to your words, lean in. What are some tools or some.

Here's some practical ways that women listening, wherever they're at today, whether they're driving in their car or they're on a jog or whatever, maybe they're listening right now thinking, yeah, I've been leaning out in this relationship or with this family member or with my co workers. What are some, you know, kind of brave steps that someone could take to lean in in relationship so that they can combat that feeling of loneliness?

I think the first step is always awareness. And what I mean by that is awareness of where you are. So I think that's always the first step to change.

So just considering where you are on that spectrum of leaning in or leaning out or maybe a little neutral is a really good starting place. But if you do find that you're more on the spectrum of leaning out, then and you're. And you find that your heart is willing to try to do some.

Some leaning in. I want to say small is good. So it could be smiling at a cash register, at a grocery store.

Because that might make your heart feel differently, like making eye contact and smiling. If you typically you don't do that, that could really change your perception of interactions with other people.

So it could be smiling, it could be inviting someone to go out to lunch, like I mentioned, it could be just communicating someone else's value to them, that you're appreciative of someone. But I think I just want to underscore this idea. Don't have to be huge steps.

These aren't like jump the Grand Canyon and Now all of a sudden, like, you're hosting all these dinner parties for these people that, you know, you felt kind of isolated from. It's really just like, say hi, say, ask how they are.

Be curious about what's going on for other people, and try to think about your relational dynamic as being two parts and not just what's going on for you. I think we can get pretty focused on what's. What's going on for me in a relationship, but we lose sight of the other side.

And so just being curious about the other side is you leaning in. So I don't know if that's that helpful because it's not like, do step one, do step two, do step three.

But I think just where do you naturally feel led to lean towards someone and be curious about them or show care to them? A simple text message, a smile, a wave, like, hey, I'm thinking about you.

That goes a long way, and not only for the other person, but for our hearts also.

I feel like in times where I have felt lonely, I often ask myself, or remind myself I should say that you have to be a friend to have a friend.

And I'll ask myself, you know, because I can find myself pulling back and leaning out as we're talking about and then kind of asking myself, are you being a friend right now? And I begin to see, oh, I've been too busy to reach out and call.

I've been preoccupied with what's going on in my life and haven't encouraged them where they're at. I been waiting for them to initiate. So much so that I haven't initiated.

You know, I begin to see, oh, yeah, I need to take a few small steps to show them, hey, I'm here to be a friend to you. Because sometimes you can just begin to evaluate your own experience and forget to ask how. How am I doing at this thing of being a friend?

Right, right, right. That's huge.

So when you think about this idea of Emmanuel God with us, this idea of a God who would come down and be with quirky, messy people who have, you know, dysfunctional families, and we fart and burp, we have indigestion, and we're mean to each other, and we judge and we're racist, and we have these patterns that we engage in that we know aren't healthy, and we continue to do that. The idea of a God who shows up on people seen and he's with them just as they are. What. What strikes you about that? The.

The word that comes to mind when I Think about that is acceptance. And I feel like that might be a little bit of a stretch, but if I can help explore, explain my thoughts, maybe it'll make a little more sense.

I think when I think about the. The idea of God with us and God coming as a baby, you know, Mary and Joseph, I don't know them, but they. They didn't. They.

The rules, as I've told myself, they weren't the exception to the rule. Like, God just showed up and said, here I am with you.

And I see that as a form of acceptance, of being with us, being with them, being with me, just as we are, period.

And I think the fact that faith is, for those of us as Christians now, like Jesus isn't someone walking right next to me that I can have these conversations with. I mean, faith is something that is a little intangible. I think it's a little harder to grasp, perhaps, than maybe it was for Mary and Joseph.

But I think it, like, really changes my reality to think that God came here for me just simply because that's it. I mean, I'm not a theologian, so. But I think that just screams to me that I have value. I don't often choose to believe that value, but I. That's.

That's where my mind goes when I think about that phrase, God with us. That there's some. There's some way we're supposed to know we are complete just as we are, or we are whole or we are.

Whatever the sentiment is that maybe each of us go to. That's what makes me think of.

You said you love the idea of a God who meets you just as you are, period. Yeah, just as you are, period. Nothing else. You don't have to be anything else. It's just how you are right now. I feel like our faith, our.

Our sort of, I don't know, American Christianity or. Or whatever has sold us so many other, like, things. Like there's an asterisk, there's an asterisk after that.

But no, but you have to do this, and you have to be this, and you have to look like this and you have to vote like this. You have to act like this, this. And so we think, no, no, no, he's only with certain types of people, but not me. Not me, period. Do you.

Have you had an experience where you felt like someone because God can use us with each other? Do you feel like you've had an experience in your life where you really needed to know that someone was with you just as you are, period?

Have you had an experience like that.

Well, I think going back to my example of my inner assumptions, I mean, I've had some experiences in my life that have left me. I won't go into all the details, but that have left me feeling damaged and broken beyond repair. And I think it's been important for me.

It's been essential to me to have people be willing to enter in to that story with me and tell me a different story. And that was risky. That was super freaky to let people in. And I think there's been different players throughout that story.

It hasn't always stayed the same person. But, you know, a former boss was important. A counselor was important. My husband was important. You are important. My kids are important. Like, there's.

I have some friendships that are important, but all of those have been integral, but at different points.

But I. I think I can absolutely with certainty say I would not be where I am had it not been for those people accepting me right where I was and telling me a different story.

That's such a good word, because I feel like that's what we need to do for each other, is tell each other a different story and keep saying, I am with you as you are, period.

Right?

Like, I have goosebumps right now because there's so many people I know who are hurting right now that all they want is someone to come alongside them and say, I'm with you in this. I can't change it. I can't make it better. I can't give you the miracle you're praying for. I can't. I can't take away the pain.

I can't make you all of a sudden believe you're awesome, even though I believe you're awesome. I can't do any of that. But I can come and I can tell you a different story and say, I'm with you as you are, period.

Which I feel like that's how Jesus was. I feel like when I picture Jesus and he shows up, you know, to Zacchaeus, his tax collector booth, and he's like, let's get lunch.

And as he shows up to the woman at the well who'd been with man after man after man as he showed up to the woman caught in the act of adultery, he stood with people as they were. He didn't say, hey, come find me when you get this figured out. He really stood with them in what it was that they were struggling with.

And just so what we need, right?

And I think. I don't think any of us can get there without God using other people in our life? I don't know.

I mean, I'm not the expert on that, but that's been my experience. And I feel like that's the experience I'm seeing seen in relationships around me, both personally and professionally.

There's some other players that God's orchestrating to help us feel his acceptance and feel his presence and also just tell us a different story than I've told myself or they've told themselves.

Right, right. It's God using other people to rewrite those inner assumptions where we begin to believe. No, I'm worthy of relationship. I'm worthy of community.

I'm worthy of people entering into my story as it is.

Right.

All of those things.

Right.

As we kind of wrap up this time together, I'm thinking about this idea of telling each other a different story. And I know that God is using you.

I know you're going to be bashful about it, but I know that God is using you in so many people's lives to bring about healing. And you have all these people who come into your office with different experiences, different stories, different fears. How.

How do you tell them a different story than the one that they come in believing about themselves? What does that work look like with them?

Well, it's a process. So I'll first say that there's no instantaneous magic that happens in my office.

But I think from the very first moment someone comes in, trying to let them know that I accept them as they are just through the gentle way I talk to them and ask them questions, but also through the things I very specifically say.

Like in first sessions, I always comment on the fact that people have already done two really big steps already before they even get to my office and start our first session. The first one is they've reached out to set up an appointment. So I applaud that. And the second thing is that they've shown up.

Those are the two biggest things, the biggest obstacles to therapy, and they've done that. So I want to build on this perspective that you've already got something going.

And so it's really important to me to highlight some of the things they can access so they got themselves there. I ask them certain questions about how they view themselves and want to build on that, too.

But ultimately, I think the work over time is, as you were talking earlier about your therapist, to sort of hold up different perspectives to help them see that there are other possibilities than the one assumption they've come to about whatever it is, whether that's a relationship with a mom or, you know, co worker or whatever else, but to sort of start to uncover in their own momentum and their own like identity building process that there are other, there are other options other than, than like you're too much or whatever it is. And then at some point get to work together to find something that is more possibly true and with. Within those possibilities.

And you know, that looks different for each client, that looks different for me each time I go to my therapist. But it's, it's, it's essentially the process of helping them identify possibilities and then helping them hear what they say.

You, you guys just heard this? I think Bree just preached to us in a good way.

No, seriously, because you just said these are the things, the three things I just heard you say that I think apply to this feeling like we're, we're alone, that no one's with us. Whether we feel that way towards God or we feel that way towards others. You said reach out, show up, believe in other possibilities like those.

If you were to lean in to those three things in relationship with God and relationship with others, my guess is, is you would see a transformation in your experience with loneliness.

Yeah,.

Dude, Tourette, you, you're like on fire. You need to. There you go. You heard it first from Breezepots. Breeze, thank you for hanging out with me today. Thanks for having me podcast.

You know I'm gonna ask you to be on here again. I'm gonna stuck over you. This won't be the last time you guys hear from Breeze Pots. But thank you for being with us.

Thanks for having me.

Your deep wisdom and the work that you do in this world. Thanks for having me. Yes, yes. You guys, thank you so much for being with us today.

If you want to keep up with us on Instagram, we're @wecollide and on Facebook as Collide Women.

And if you want to check out our website about our counseling program or resources, check out our website at wecollide.net and if you're curious about other things we have going, you can check us out on all the social stuff. But we are so glad that we get to collide with you and run into this God with us.

I hope today that you have a greater sense that God is with you and that he does not want you to be alone, but he wants to come and meet you just as you are, period. May you be encouraged today and we'll catch you next week.