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When did you last tell your partner something you appreciate about them? If you had to stop and think, you're not alone. Many couples slowly stop noticing the good in each other.
In this episode, you'll hear about a couple who felt more like adversaries than partners. Nothing dramatic had happened. Their focus had just shifted, quietly, toward what was wrong.
You'll learn why what you pay attention to grows, and how gratitude in relationships helps restore balance. This isn't about ignoring problems. Most partners are doing more right than wrong.
This week, notice one thing your partner does each day that makes your life better. Then tell them: "One thing I appreciate about you today is..."
Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.
Transcripts
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What's one thing your partner does that genuinely makes your life better?
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Just one thing.
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Now, if you had to think for a moment to come up with an answer, this episode is for you.
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Hi, I'm Alastair Dues, and this is the daily Relationship Tips Podcast.
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Every episode, I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected, and genuinely in love again, one small habit at a time.
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Today I want to tell you about a moment from a recent session with a couple that stayed with me.
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A woman, I'll call her Paula, was in mid sentence listing everything her partner didn't do and what his faults were.
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It had been going on for a while.
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She was frustrated, and the frustration was real.
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But after a little while, I stopped her and asked, when did you last tell your partner something you appreciate about him?
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She paused.
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She was genuinely stumped.
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She thought about it, then said, I'm not sure.
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I have not.
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Recently, that couple came into the session with me feeling more like adversaries than partners.
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When we unpacked their relationship dynamic, what had happened wasn't dramatic.
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No affair, no betrayal.
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They'd just gradually stopped noticing the good things in each other.
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Their lens had shifted quietly toward what was wrong.
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And once that lens shifts, everything confirms it.
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One way of putting this is that what you pay attention to grows.
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In relationships, this is almost uncomfortably literal.
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When you focus on what your partner doesn't do, you build a mental case against them and every new irritation adds to the file.
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But when you focus on what they do, something different starts to accumulate instead.
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Now this isn't about pretending the problems aren't there, about balance.
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Most partners, even in strained relationships, are doing more right than wrong.
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They're showing up in ways that go unacknowledged.
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They're making small efforts that are invisible because nobody's looking for them.
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The task I want to give you today is simple but deliberate.
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Each day, notice one thing your partner does that makes your life better.
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It doesn't need to be big.
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Maybe they made the coffee.
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Maybe they remembered to ask about that thing you were worried about.
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Maybe they let you have the quiet part of the morning.
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Whatever it is, notice it.
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And when you can, tell them a simple way to do this is to finish this sentence, either in your head or out loud to your partner.
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One thing I appreciate about you today is it takes 10 seconds, and done consistently, it begins to change the lens through which you see your relationship.
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When Paula started doing this, something unexpected happened.
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Her partner, who had felt like he couldn't do anything right, started trying more.
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Not because she demanded it, because he finally felt like his efforts were being seen.
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Remember, the relationship you want to have lives inside the one you're already in.
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Sometimes you just need to look for it.
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Now, here's a question worth answering before you how connected is your relationship right now?
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Most people just guess, but you don't have to.
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There's a free two minute quiz at dailyrelationshiptips.com that'll tell you exactly where your relationship stands and where the easy wins are hiding.
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Take it today and find out how to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship.
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And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.
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Everything you need is waiting there for you.
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Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.
