Summary:

What happens when your world falls apart but you're still expected to lead? In this raw and unfiltered conversation, Michelle Lybarger opens up about navigating one of the hardest chapters of her life—a divorce, a career pivot, and a cross-country move—all while holding space for her team. From hiding tears in the bathroom to showing up with strength and grace, Michelle shares the tools, mindset, and hard-earned wisdom that helped her lead through chaos without losing herself.

Chapters:

00:00 – Why failure is essential to learning

03:00 – Meet Michelle: HR leader, energy advocate, mascara warrior

06:00 – The messy moment that changed everything

09:00 – Putting on the face vs. faking it

12:00 – Control, chaos, and car pep talks

15:00 – Self-coaching and micro-habits for strength

18:00 – The power of keeping your story private… for a while

21:00 – The team finds out: transparency with intention

24:00 – Authenticity, boundaries, and emotional leadership

27:00 – The toolkit: yoga, breathing, music, and mindset

30:00 – From personal crisis to professional superpower

32:00 – Advice to younger leaders: grace, grit, and positivity

Host Alexa Beavers: linkedin.com/in/alexabeaverspmp

Guest Michelle Lybarger: linkedin.com/in/michelle-lybarger-7a9a13126

Executive Producer Jim Kanichirayil: linkedin.com/in/drjimk

Music Credit: "Lost in Dreams" by Kulakovka

Absolutely. And also letting my team know it's okay to fail. That's very important as a leader, I think, to resonate of saying, Hey, you know what? I need help on this. I did this incorrectly. And being able to come to me and say, can you help me? I think a statement that I've said many times is like learning lesson.

You know what I mean? And that's the trial and error that is our every day for all of us.

Alexa Beavers: she knows what it means to lead through disruption with grace, with grit, and zero ego.

She led through a divorce, a cross country move, a career pivot. There was reason that she would need to step out and cry, reapply her mascara, and walk right back in and lead the room, and she did that all while holding space for her team and staying grounded in her values. We're gonna talk through what shaped her most in that messy middle and the three moves that helped her rise.

She brings over two decades of experience leading people strategies that drive culture, engagement, and organizational excellence.

Cenergistic helps organizations. A powerful combination of patented technology, onsite experts, and four decades of proven processes with no upfront costs or needs for new equipment. It's a mission that Michelle proudly supports knowing the work directly benefits schools, hospitals, and communities. A passionate and lifelong HR leader.

Michelle recently relocated to Dallas, Texas for the opportunity to join a purpose-driven company and reunite with inspiring leaders she's worked with in the past. True to one of her guiding philosophies. If your goals don't scare you, they're not big enough. She embraces her challenges that stretch her personally and professionally.

Outside of work, Michelle is most proud of her two adult sons, Noah and Brett, who are both thriving and as she says, the best parts of me, her favorite way to stay grounded and energized is through one of her early morning rituals. Get this 5:00 AM hot yoga. Yikes. That discipline defines her commitment to focus wellness and personal growth.

I'm excited to hear from Michelle, and I'm also glad we're not up at 5:00 AM doing this. Let's welcome Michelle.

she has a story to tell. Michelle, shall we just get right into it?

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah. Good morning. I'm excited.

But let's start in the messy moment, shall we?

Michelle Lybarger : Absolutely. It was very important to me, I feel like, because I wanted to share my story because I have that feeling and I know that you feel the same as that. We're not alone. You know what I mean? Even if just one person hears my story that probably went through something similar or they're going through it now, I really feel like that was my win.

To give someone comfort in what they're going through. So that's why I did this.

Alexa Beavers: Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad. It is so important. I think that when we, as people can shed light on our whole selves and our. Messy selves that lets us know that, hey, I'm actually normal. Everybody else is just as messy as me. And it normalizes it, and it's a real gift because it's not easy to put yourself out there like that. So thank you.

So at that time it, as you can imagine, it was a challenge personally, to get up every day, do the thing that I love. But going through this battle that I was going through personally. And at that moment it really shook my core of who I was, of my work ethic and being in a career that I loved and how was I gonna keep that and make sure I show up for my team.

'cause of course I was in a management role to the ability that I wanted to, every day. So that was the big challenge. So the messy moment of that, is that, there's days that I took my makeup bag to work. And that being said that there were some really challenging days through that process of, you know what, I'm gonna have to cry it out and then go to the bathroom, put on the face again, and go back.

And I got through it, on the other side.

Alexa Beavers: I'm gonna challenge you a little bit to. If you feel so inclined and generous, would you let me dig into a little bit about what it was like during that time?

What would I have noticed if I was on your team? What would I have noticed if I was just a fly on the wall? You managed through that time?

Michelle Lybarger : I think that I've always had the mentality that, and wrong or right. I didn't wanna be the victim of any situation. I think that, we all have to take our moments of pausing and saying, Hey, I can feel a little bit sorry for myself. Absolutely. I did that many times in my life. But picking yourself back up and saying, okay, I got this. And I think that was very important to me to know that I didn't want anyone to have that feeling for me, in my every day.

But then as well, dealing with, oh, what was me? Things that I didn't need, I just need to get to the other side. And I knew that in my mind, how am I gonna get through this? But I don't need to have all the extra, I just gotta get through it.

Alexa Beavers: One of the things that really stood out to me as you were just dipping our toe in what it was like for you during that time is you said I had to take my makeup bag to work and we have some guys who listen on this show, they probably don't have a makeup bag, but let's unpack a little bit about.

How that became part of your routine? What was happening so that became part of your toolkit to get through the day?

Michelle Lybarger : it's been the biggest challenge to get through of knowing that, because I wouldn't really define myself as an emotional person necessarily, but I knew that I didn't have any control over it.

Why? You know what I mean? Because it's that look that we all know, Hey, you're crying, or, so I thought, okay, this is my tactic that I'm gonna do right now. I'm gonna take the makeup bag to work and know that, hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna push off.

Alexa Beavers: we all have to put on faces sometimes.

And at the same time, that was a time when it was probably really tender and you are a whole human person. And in that, in doing that, I'd love to hear your thoughts on, what does it mean to have to put on a face at work? And this has happens to all of us. It might not be in a makeup bag, but we all have to put on certain faces, right?

When is that helpful and when is it not?

But that's the part of it. We know that we all have days, and especially what I do for a living, in hr, I'm the positivity and the happy, so it was twofold that, okay, I not only have to be present and be the leader to my team, but also be the person that I'm known for that I love and is my normal day.

I've always woke up and I'm blessed to have a career where I'm like, I get to go to work because I've picked a, profession that makes me really just. Fired up, which is wonderful. But yeah, absolutely. That's the two folds of it that, sometimes we have to put a face on and push on as our, as a leader.

But might have been struggling at the time. So it helped you to be in those shoes of the calm, confident, happy person.

Michelle Lybarger : 'cause leadership, as we both know, is courage, leadership is courage to show up when you don't want to lead, as a way that your team can look at as an example of respect.

And there are days that everyone's gonna have that, okay, this day sucks, it's courage. Absolutely.

Alexa Beavers: That is so real. Sometimes we talk about these things and we just. Or like sugarcoating it. But you said there are days as a leader, you're not gonna wanna show up to work, and then you have a whole team depending on you, so you have to figure that out.

What are some of the ways, in addition to your makeup bag that during that time when you had, maybe it was a big test, I don't know, any other things that you deployed to support you through those? Darker days.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah, very good question. I think I knew that every day. Okay, I had to show up. But how was that gonna happen?

I can push through, I can do this. And I've been blessed to have that, feeling always internally, but also knowing that I had to show up for people that depended on me. I know that leading by example, what that really means, I don't want someone to say, oh, I report to Michelle because I have to.

You know what I mean? I think I want someone to know these are the things. That she gives me, she mentors me. She leads by example. I'm the person that's gonna work as hard as they are, if not harder, so I want that feeling. And if I ever let that go, I think that was my fail. And also I, really when I look back and flag, at that time, I, there was parts of my life I couldn't control it all.

Alexa Beavers: What a beautiful thing to think about. I love that you're saying, okay, everything else around me might be chaotic and I'm gonna lean into the space where I have a say and I'm choosing how to show up here. That's really powerful. And you absolutely chose to show up in line with your, I think your values.

That hasn't been something you said. I'm reading into it, so correct me if I'm wrong. Yeah, absolutely. But every time you say. I had to show up for my team. I'm picking up, there's a value hidden in there somewhere.

Michelle Lybarger : For me, leadership gives me such, reward feeling that I can men my biggest successes of any of my careers.

So yeah, that's the win. Absolutely. Yeah.

Alexa Beavers: So the win and the tie to the value is you really value helping develop others.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

Alexa Beavers: You had some real gems when I asked you how you got through that. There was just a bunch of really good advice.

One is you said, I would sit in my car, I'd give myself some extra time. Absolutely. What did that give you? When you had the power of that pause? How did it pull you through?

Michelle Lybarger : I more than anything, it gave me that feeling of starting my day. 'cause normally my normal day is, no, I don't sit in my car and say I gotta prepare myself.

This is the leader I need to show up today. And if that meant some days I needed to pay, rage against a machine to get ready to go, whatever that may be, to fire me up in, the way that I just gotta be like, okay, I'm doing this, this is the control part. This is who I wanna be as a leader.

And that gave me that minute of okay, I got this.

Alexa Beavers: And you had the time and then you made the time for yourself, and in that you're also doing something else, which is setting your intention and talking yourself through it. What were some of the scripts that might have been in your mind?

I'm sure you had multiple ones,

Michelle Lybarger : I think that those moments are, personally, I knew, okay what is it? What am I gonna do here? How am I gonna push on, my whole life was changing. What does that mean for me? All those constant thoughts that, I had no idea, at the time by any means, what that meant for me.

Alexa Beavers: You also used breathing, so tell me what that looks like and when did you find yourself giving you the space to breathe or, not just sitting there holding your breath and gritting your teeth?

Michelle Lybarger : breathing in a way of just that calmness that we need, to take you down to a space of saying, okay I'm good.

I'm calm again. And I think that's a really good moment for me, always of success, of just saying, okay, I need to give myself a minute to breathe. 'Cause I think when you're in the chaos of your every day and you don't think okay, if I just do this for five seconds, what is that gonna bring me?

And it's always helped me.

Michelle Lybarger : I think one of the biggest lessons was my strength. I think that I was super proud of myself that I don't think that many people, would've been the same as me maybe.

The piece of the story that is, at the end is my team didn't know I was going through it. So I didn't share that moment to anyone that reported to me in my little office until I was on the other side. And I did that for a lot of reasons. I did it because I, like I talked about in the beginning, I didn't want anyone to give me the victim feel,

I imagine that there were things that were positive about it and things that maybe it was a burden to carry a little bit. Tell me more about why was it so important to you to show up in a way that wasn't showing all the ugly behind the curtain?

Michelle Lybarger : Absolutely. I think when I was in it, it was something, a very private moment, and there was times at our workplace that of course, I mean I had built a team where I felt very comfortable with them and we were, one of those teams that you come to each other if you need to lean on. But I felt like that my situation, it was a very private moment, and I wanted to battle through.

The bulk of it, on my own it was my burden, but I knew I needed that more for myself, my inner self of my work, ethic of who I was. The, that's something that I needed. So the entire time as I'm going into the bathroom and, the makeup and pushing on in my day to day, no one knew.

When and how it's gonna happen. So before I knew that was gonna hit the paper, I decided to tell my team sit them all down and more of a way that I wanted to, the approach of, I wanna share this with you, what I have been going through. Now that being said, I know that this week it's gonna be in a paper as well.

Living in a small town, that's part of it, of course. But I think that feeling that, and I loved it and I knew that's what it would be, that they said to me, why didn't you share this with me? We could help you. And I knew that's who they were. So I wasn't shocked of those awesome comments, but I told them the why, that I had to get past this.

Alexa Beavers: I think this is a really interesting piece. There's two pathways I wanna go down. One is I'd love to. For you to help me sit at the table when you were telling your team. So let's start there and then we'll go to the next piece. So what was it like? Imagine I was a team member and you're telling the team what, how did your team members respond?

Michelle Lybarger : the response I think was shock, 'cause obviously it's a huge thing that anyone goes through in their life, if that's unfortunately happens to you. So I think shock definitely. And maybe a little bit of the letdown feeling that they wanted me to confide in them, because I think that it is important that when you're a strong team, that others are part of the support system.

And I think they got that because they knew who I was, that I was the person that was staying as late as they were and I'm, anything we need to do, I'm willing to do it as well. I think that's a key part of a good leader. Not saying oh, you're doing this, you doing that. Being the person that will do all the things as well.

Alexa Beavers: Thank you. And I imagine they were shocked and you are a person who. Is building a team, wanting to have a team that's cohesive and strong. And then they're like, wait, why didn't you tell us? And when you told them, how did the energy change in the room?

Not told them the news, but told them the why?

But, it wasn't a focus of our every day. Nobody said anything, mine was to do the best part of my career. Give people, jobs that they can support their family with and better themselves. And that's what we were there to do, every single day, yeah.

Alexa Beavers: One of the things that I think is an interesting idea today is the idea that you have to be authentic at work and that's, that's cool. And I think a lot of people are confused about what that looks like when I think that you were authentic to yourself in those moments.

Tell me what you think true, authenticity looks like. For you at work.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah. I think it me, I want the feeling of course, that everyone has that comfortable feel, but I think that, my role that I've signed up for that I love is leadership. And being the leader is a different standard that I've put myself to.

But it was vital for me to show up, every day as a leader that who I was,

Alexa Beavers: that's the thing who I was and who you are. So when I think of. Authenticity. It's not about showing everything. It's not about being naked to the world. It's not about talking about all of your problems. It's about living in line with who you are.

And there's a distinction there, in terms of. Sometimes we think of authenticity as just it's all out on the open. Oversharing. And you have drawn a clear distinction about how to be a strong and vulnerable leader that lives into who you are. And it doesn't mean, sharing every little last thing.

This is gonna, not that I'm, you wanna model yourself to be, everyone want, and your team be you because, but also, no, hey, it's an example, that you put in your, toolkit of success. That's it.

Alexa Beavers: And it sounds like your team, once you told 'em the why and they were like, oh, I know Michelle.

I know what she stands for. Yeah, sure. And that was consistent with what I would expect.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah.

I think they got that. That made sense to them. Yeah. I don't think they were like, oh wow. I think they were like, yeah, that makes sense. That's her. Yeah.

Alexa Beavers: Absolutely. And that is like everything matches up. So you weren't living some, living someone differently than you really were, I think in that case. I think it's a beautiful way to make that distinction. And that was a big lesson along the way. Tell me more about what you learned in hindsight.

You know what I mean? You're not gonna crumble, but it's different for each person. I had my little things that helped me to get past it, we all know ourselves and what is that? And I think it's taking that moment of okay, what does this mean? What do I gotta do?

Alexa Beavers: I love that because a lesson is that you were strong, but the double click on that is I had habits and things that helped me to be strong. And you're challenging our audience to figure out what are, what is that for you?

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah. What's, what is your success of knowing, Hey, I gotta get through this.

What is those check mark things that you need?

Alexa Beavers: How can you find those? If, how did you find them?

Alexa Beavers: I love trial and error because oftentimes we think we have to have it all figured out and yeah. If the first thing doesn't work, then we think something's wrong with us. What are some of the things that you learned from trying something and not loving it and moving to the next thing?

Absolutely. And also letting my team know it's okay to fail. That's very important as a leader, I think, to resonate of saying, Hey, you know what? I need help on this. I did this incorrectly. And being able to come to me and say, can you help me? I think a statement that I've said many times is like learning lesson.

You know what I mean? Because it's really, that's what it is. People have report to me. I'm sure they'll chuckle if they watch this. They'll be like, oh, she does say that. But it's really that it's learning lesson, and it's the same as me, is okay, that's a learning lesson. We won't do that again.

You know what I mean? And that's the trial and error that is our every day for all of us.

Alexa Beavers: Are there certain things that you think are, a good trial and error or a bad trial and error, or is it all on the table?

So whatever that may mean to you to give that calming and that self-reflection of how am I gonna get through this? How am I get my a normal day, even if you're not going through a personal struggle.

Alexa Beavers: I'm gonna recap a couple of things that I'm picking up. One, the lessons here is, control what you can. And let the rest unfold. But you chose a very distinctive place to control Yeah. And live in line with who you are. So that feels natural and good.

She's vulnerable and this is the same thing I'm going through, or something similar. And it's so important, you know that it's not, all of our lives are not the always happy. Unfortunately, we wish it was, of course, but it's not. It's the blessings of knowing, okay, this was not so great, but this is where I am now.

Those are those moments that you think back and have the appreciation of whatever that may be. And I have the appreciation of that situation of saying, you know what? I had the strength to push through, and that's my win internally.

Alexa Beavers: It sounds like you took some good time to reflect and the thing that got you through was having some trial and error kind of healthy habits along the way that kept you grounded in your intention of showing up in a certain way and. In the moment, you might not have known it, but today because you've taken some time to look back and really think you've extrapolated some great lessons and tools for you to take you through the next challenge.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah. Am I forever? And

Alexa Beavers: In a way, this really tough time in your life helped to catapult you forward. Yeah. In a lot of other ways. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Michelle Lybarger : When that happened, I, I was very young in my career, starting, what does management mean?

What does being a leader mean? That unfortunately took me through the whole, the rest of my, career of what I used from that, of the tactics of how I'm showing up. What am I gonna do to get there, what do I have to do to myself to say, Hey, I got this, and being present of what I wanna do every day.

Those things that came out, something I'm very unfortunate has pushed me through, my entire career.

enabled?

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah, so I've always been in fast paced environments, right before I came here at Cenergistic, I worked in manufacturing, hr amazing, rewarding field, but at the same time definitely has a lot of stress. When they say the business is 24 7, they really mean that, and it was so rewarding to see people working hard and doing all the things, but there's a lot that goes into that.

It really is into those fields. So that multitasking all the things that I needed, has taken me and I've been so honored to be able to mentor so many people over my career and give people jobs that, give their families what they need and they feel good. So those are the wins that has taken me all these years.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah, I think the first off would be keeping the positivity. Never losing that because I think it's so important with showing that to your team, showing it to yourself.

As we all know, if you start your day positive, it's a completely different life. And that's a self mind, okay, I got this is me doing that positivity, 100%. Leading with grace. Leading that. You don't know everyone's story. You don't know what the people are going through in your team or in your work environments.

That's one of those minutes that every day I go home and I think, wow, that's great. I got to do that today,

Alexa Beavers: be positive. Always look towards the possibility instead of the negative. And then, yeah. I love that you're being very gracious, acknowledging that every single person has their own battles and none of us know we're just walking around at work, and so we want to count ourselves and them a little bit of slack.

Michelle Lybarger : And ask the why. Take that moment of just don't assume Hey, what happened today? Why are you performance this or that? What's going on? I could have had that same situation personally. I pushed through, but I was going through something that I didn't share. You know what I mean? So that's the every day that we don't know what everyone's going through, which is so important.

Alexa Beavers: It sounds like that time in your life really helped you to empathize, even if you don't know what's going on with a person. You give them the benefit of the doubt.

Michelle Lybarger : Yeah, absolutely. Ask the questions for sure.

Michelle Lybarger : thank you so much. I was excited to be part of it.

Alexa Beavers: I know there's a lot of really meaty lessons and a lot of people will wanna get to know you better. Can you share how people can get in touch with you?

Michelle Lybarger : They can in my email. So when you, if you wanna post it, my email on there and yes, I would love to help anyone of coaching or anything I can do to help, make you successful. Definitely. Awesome.

Alexa Beavers: Can we also find you on LinkedIn by chance? No,

Michelle Lybarger : absolutely.

Yep. Awesome.

are. Those are incredible lessons and I'm really grateful that you shared them with us today.

Michelle Lybarger : Yes, you're very welcome.

Alexa Beavers: So if you all liked hearing from Michelle and you'd love to hear more about what it's like to do personal and professional transformations and the secrets from people who have been there, done that, please tune in to Transformation Unfiltered Next time on your favorite podcast platform