Renee Rouleau's journey from heartbreak to reinvention takes center stage as she candidly shares her experiences of navigating the tumultuous waters of dating after losing her husband. In this episode, we dive deep into the lessons learned along the way, emphasizing that the love of your life might just be hidden in your contacts or through someone you know. With a refreshing mix of strategy and vulnerability, Renee reveals how she approached dating like a business, turning what could have been a daunting task into a manageable adventure. We explore the importance of understanding one another's needs in relationships, and she offers practical, relatable advice for anyone stepping back into the dating scene. So, whether you're just starting to dip your toes back into romance or looking for a boost of confidence, this conversation is packed with insights and encouragement to help you embrace your next chapter with open arms.

Takeaways:

• In midlife dating, it's vital to stay open-minded and embrace new experiences, as these can lead to unexpected connections.
• Utilizing your personal network can be a game-changer in finding love; the right person might just be a text away.
• Trusting your gut is crucial; intuition often reveals red flags in dating that our minds may overlook.
• A successful relationship requires continuous effort and communication to thrive, so don't take your partner for granted.

This week’s episode is brought to you by pH-D Feminine Health—because vaginal health shouldn’t be taboo. From holistic boric acid suppositories to clinically backed wellness products, pH-D is helping women take charge of their bodies without shame or stigma. Visit www.phdfemininehealth.com for more information.

We all have to learn lessons, right? And I just happen to learn a ton of lessons in a short period of time.

When did you know it was right to date again? Like, what was the thing that set you on that path?

I believe the love of your life is either currently in your contacts or somebody in your contacts knows the love of your life. Use your network. Use your network.

This is like a breaking story. She has never talked about this on a podcast before any in any media. So we. We're getting it first, y'.

All.

So it's really a special treat.

Just like I did with my dating life. I got on YouTube and I studied, I studied, I became an expert at it and I got a return on that investment.

We're going to talk about some personal stuff because she has led just as full of a life not in the office as in the office.

If I had seen him on a dating app, I would have been like, no, thanks. And we were together 22 years. And so you have to give people an opportunity.

You get so caught up with, like, what is that person gonna think? Move on. Like, go like, have fun.

You know, with death, you always have to remember that you honor them by keep going. It's a new chapter. Have a happy life. Go date again. Go do all the things. Like, that's how you honor them.

What happens when a skincare mogul who's built a multi million dollar business and transform the faces of celebrities finds herself single after losing the love of her life? Today, Rene Rouleau returns to share her deeply personal and unbelievably wild journey through grief, betrayal and reinvention.

She opens up about losing her husband, dating again after 22 years and all the ups and downs of the dating world. But this isn't a story of defeat. It a story of strategy. Because Renee treated dating like a business and it worked.

Welcome back to the iconic midlife. Renee, how's it going?

Hello. I'm great. How are you?

I am great.

I am so excited that we are doing a part two, because I know there's been so much going on in your life and I want all the listeners to know and the viewers. Renee is actually. This is like a breaking story. She has never talked about this on a podcast before any in any media. So we're getting it first, y'.

All.

Also, it's really a special treat and if you.

Yeah. So excited.

And if you haven't listened to the first episode that Renee did, go back and listen to her first episode, which was last week, where she talks about so Much great stuff about skin care. She is a skincare guru, as most of you know. So she gave us the best skincare tips.

And now we're talking about some personal stuff because she has led just as full of a life not in the office as in the office.

So, Renee, last week, you know, we touched a little, little bit on your sweet late husband, Florian, who I know you were very, you know, open about sharing, you know, what you guys were going through at the time, which he was diagnosed with, was aggressive cancer. Correct?

Yeah. So it's a bile duct cancer, which is a lesser known, basically pancreatic cancer.

And for those of you familiar with that, by the time you have symptoms, you're already in stage four. And so it's just a matter of how quickly, you know, it's gonna kind of take you down. Very few people will survive it after a year.

So in his case, it was six months.

Oh, gosh.

Really fast. Yeah.

How do you even, like, process that?

Because I would imagine, you know, you're just getting hit with this information, like, but at the same time, you're having to, like, caregive and do all the things and run the business.

Yeah. He was the COO of my company as well. I mean, life just can't plant, you know, just prepare you for one day.

He has, you know, a sharp pain in his stomach, and within five days, it was unbearable. Go to the hospital, you know, go to the emergency room, run all the tests to find out a week later that, pack your bags, you have six months to live.

So, I mean, it's just like. I mean, it just. I. I don't even know. I don't even know how we did it, but. But we did. And. And it was.

You know, but in being part of his death and dying experiences, you know, experience was both beautiful and tragic, you know, and. And I say beautiful just because of the way he handled it.

I don't mean like the body falling apart, but really beautiful stories of some things that were occurring and that were, like, just really beautiful about how the body prepares you for the next life. And anyway, and just how he chose to live his life.

You know, the things he wanted to do and just his wisdom and, you know, I just get a little Tear eyed thinking about it. But so, yeah, really, really beautiful. But he had his. I had his ashes made into a diamond because that was his dying wish.

And he said take me on your adventures with you. And. And so I do. So I do.

Oh, that's beautiful. That's really, really lovely. And you mentioned. Yes, absolutely, you mentioned before that he actually said it would be okay if you dated.

Like he would be okay with that. Is that right? Like he encouraged you to kind of.

Yeah, of course everyone wants to. You know that. He always promised me he'd live to 100 and unfortunately that didn't happen.

But you know, when you love someone, of course you want them to, to be happy and, and continue, you know, thrive without you. And no one wants anyone to be sad. And I think that's for anyone that's dealt, you know, with death.

You always have to remember that you honor, you know, you honor them by keep, you know, keep going. Right? Like no one, you know, they, they don't want you to be sad.

And again, you know, I mean, I mean you have to go through your grieving period, but they, that's how you honor them is. And, and you know, it's not like being a tough cookie. And don't cry. It just means, it just means it's a new chapter.

You know, go, you know, have a happy life. Go date again. Go do all the things. Like that's how you honor them is by picking up and, and keep on going and not letting it take you down.

And so, yeah, so I, I honor him by being happy because that's. I know what he wanted.

Yeah, and that's such a good point too. It's like you honor them also the way they lived. Right. And he seemed like such a vivacious, like. Right.

Like, because I would see the posts that you would post about him and he was like, like a comedian. Like, he was like funny and like.

Right. No, he was. Yeah, he looked like Robin Williams. He kind of act like Robin Williams. And I mean he was a sniper in the French army.

He was a radio dj, he was a race car driver, photographer. I mean, they're just so like chef. Like there just wasn't anything he couldn't do.

And so, yeah, life was definitely not boring with him, I'll tell you that.

Yeah. How did you guys meet? I don't think I know this.

How did you guys meet? In Dallas when I opened up my first skincare spa. Renee Rouleau. He managed a French restaurant a couple doors down because he was, he was French. So.

Yeah. We met in. In Dallas, and we were friends first. And, um.

And that's my first advice also about dating as we get into it, is if I had seen him on a dating app, I would have been like, nope. And I don't know which way you swipe. I've never done those dating apps, but whatever way the no is, like, I would have been like, no, thanks.

And we were together 22 years, and so my first advice is, you have to give people an opportunity, Go out with them for sure twice. But this is the way I looked at it. Prior to meeting him, I was living in Boston and then moved to Dallas.

But the last six boyfriends, ever since high school, were all my type, right? We all have a type. If I said to you, roxy, what's the type? Like, we're all like, da, da, da, da, da, da.

Well, usually when we describe our type, what we're actually doing is describing ourselves, right? Because why would. If someone's. You're really outgoing, are you going to say, oh, my type is someone super introverted and quiet?

No, you're going to be like, I want them fun. I want them, you know, et cetera. And. But what makes life interesting is actually being with someone who's not just like you, Right?

Like, that's what's interesting. I mean, if. If you're just with someone like you, they're Then they're like your sibling, you know, you're just too similar. And so.

So, yeah, so, you know, I basically said one day, you know, someone was like, you know, we were friends first. I'd go into the restaurant and have dinner every night after work, and someone said, I think he has a crush on you.

And I was like, and I'm almost five nine. And I was like, the five foot six guy who's friends with a mustache. I'm like, who's 11 years older than me? I'm like, no, thanks.

And anyway, and we were together 22 years, so I think it's really important for us not to get stuck on. And it's. Oh, and that's my other second thing, My second advice. So sorry. First advice is don't think you know your type. I mean, you know, don't.

Oh, he's different than me. But that's the beauty of it, because you learn from each other. Whatnot. And then my second thing is, do not, ladies. Do not get caught up.

And he's got to be at least 6 foot tall. Like, so many women are like, oh, tall, dark and handsome. Guess what? When a guy is really Tall. He's already got that. Check that box checked.

And he doesn't have to work that much on his personality.

So it's like those guys that are under 6ft or under 5, 8, they have to pack so much personality in there because they have to make up because they don't have it easy. Right? Because everyone wants a guy who's tall, a girl who's. I mean, a guy. Every girl wants a guy who's tall. And.

But yeah, they, they have a ton of life in there. And my husband was five foot six. Again, like, I'm almost five nine.

He was like a shoulder rest for me, but he was so fun and he packs so much personality into that and life was so exciting. And so, yeah, I'm like, almost anti af, you know, anything higher, you know, six feet or under, I'm like, oh, boring.

I'm like, no, My requirement is 6ft or under. I'm like, no, they've gotta, they've gotta have personality. That's the requirement.

A short king, as they call it. Exactly. Right.

So don't like, unprofessional. I think on apps or something, you could put like maybe a height. I don't even know. But, like, do not rule out someone who's. Who's, you know, is not.

Is not super tall.

Okay, That's a good point. Now, after Florian passed, like, you know, I would imagine there was some time that also passed. When did you know it was right to date again?

Like, what was the thing that kind of set you on the path?

Yeah, I think I didn't go out and look because I just figured that at some point when I'm ready, I'm ready. Right? We all know at some point when you're ready for something, you'll do it. So I wasn't.

I never was like, well, so what happened was, in theory, if I was ready, I would have known it. So I wasn't ready. But then someone sought out me.

And I guess, let me just say that certain individuals prey on the weak, and if they happen to be con artists, they pray on the weak. So unfortunately, I had a really bad situation where someone pursued me. An ulterior motive. And I. I think I just. I was in a weak state.

I was a grieving widow, and I learned a lot of life lessons. Let's just say that ladies and I, money, embezzlement, and all sorts of crazy things. So anyway. But I was naive and grieving and.

But that makes you a target. And I was a target.

And I could probably have a Netflix show on this, but I won't get into all the drama of it, but let's just say my, my friend Nick said the best thing to me. My friend said to me, renee, you made it. I mean, you're in business. Business is hard. I mean, it's cutthroat.

And he goes, and you've dealt with a lot of people in your life.

He goes, the fact that you made it to 50 and you never got cheated on, never gotten backstabbed, never gotten effed over, never gotten money stolen from you. He's like, I think you're doing pretty well in this life. And I thought to myself, you're right. Like, I've been kind of.

I haven't had a lot of hardships and I got a one stop shop and I got all those lessons taken care of. And I was like, I needed to learn those lessons. Luckily, I got it in, in one little situation. And I will never make any of those mistakes again.

And basically the headline there is always trust your gut. A woman's intuition is so strong.

And there were things that weren't great, but I, I was so trusting because I had never had bad experiences in my life like that. So I just never thought anyone could be anything but, you know, good intentions. And so, yeah, trust, Trust your gut.

And so, yeah, I had to learn a lot of lessons there.

So do you remember, like, specific things that you ignored, like, kind of red flags, I guess. Like, Woody, was there just like a vagueness with him? Was he not? So, like, was it.

Yeah, it was just. Just things weren't. Just things weren't adding up. Right. One plus one equals two, and things weren't adding up.

And then I would just be like, well, that's weird because he said last week he did this and I was like, oh, you know, and then, and then there were some times when I would inquire and be like, hey. And then. But people who are really good at being cons, they have great answers for it.

And so when they give a good answer, I went, oh, okay, that seems logical. And then you don't question it. But some people are really, really good.

And when it was all said and done, I ended up doing a background check to be like, what was this? And the criminal record was a mile long. So. So I mean, this is a rare thing. I don't. Most people aren't dealing with con people in their true life.

I mean, that's, you know, there's again, there's documentaries on Netflix about it, but I mean, those stories aren't Rare. I mean, at the end of the day, I inherently believe humans are so good. And I was very. And this is, this is also what I.

You know what I also also encourage my girlfriends is just because you may have had a bad experience with someone, don't rule all men out. And it can be same way for men, not ruling women out. Like, it's just, you know, everyone inherently wants to be good, wants to find love.

And I made a very conscious effort that I was not going to punish anyone moving forward who I dated for fear that they'd be, you know, like the last person. And I did not bring that baggage with me into future. Into future dating because I was like, you know what, Renee?

Like, you know, you knew things weren't right. You didn't question it, but you needed to learn that. And so now, you know, I would. Now I just trust my gut. And if something isn't right, then.

Then I figure that out. But I just was not going to be the disgruntled, angry, bitter woman going into future dating.

Yeah, no, that's a, That's a really good point. Because people are different, right? What goes on with one relationship doesn't go on.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

But I mean, I would imagine it definitely threw you for a loop in some ways. You probably felt maybe vulnerable and very, you know, taken advantage of.

Because I was like, I'm a smart woman. Like, I built this multimillion dollar company and I was like, I've made really good decisions in my life. Right. Like, I'm not.

I mean, I consider myself someone really smart. And I was like, how could I have done that? But I. But you only know what you know. Right.

And again, I was in a vulnerable state, having been a grieving widow. So, you know, I learned to give myself some grace. You know, we've all made mistakes, and this just was. Yeah.

You know, it's just we all make mistakes and. But. But ultimately we all have to learn lessons, right? And I just happen to learn a ton of lessons in a short period of time. Yeah, exactly.

It's like all one after the other, one after the other. But I do love how you kind of turned it.

You were like part private investigator, part, like, turning it into its own business almost, you know, like, really when dealing with this con artist guy, you know, I mean, you had the spreadsheets going. You were like, you know, figuring out what he was doing. And so can you kind of take us through that a little bit of like, how you really.

You kind of turned it into your own sort of like business in a way. I mean, you really figured it out.

Yeah. So how.

What Rex was referring to is I said I built a multimillion dollar company and became successful in business, but I was not successful in love and dating because right out of the gate, I already just screwed the whole thing up. So I decided, well, what if I treat it like a business? And so, so what I did was, so.

Yeah, so the, you know, doing the criminal background check, all of that, but it was just more like it had to validate that, like, okay, I was really with like, somebody who just wasn't a good human.

Oh, and how long. How long. How long was the relationship with the con man? Was it like a year and a half? A year and a half.

Okay. So when I. When I made the decision to go back to dating, I was like, okay, again, I'll treat it like a business.

And so when I say treat it like a business. So like the spreadsheets, for example, and I learned this from a really good book, ladies, is Logan Urie, how to Not Die Alone.

That's a really good book. She's like a researcher, I think, for like match.com or hinge or something like that. But she puts a lot of data in her book.

But one of the things that she said was create a spreadsheet.

And you want to put every single guy you've ever dated, go back as far as you can, pre marriage, all the things, whatever, and put their name, how you met, and what are words to describe them and how. What are the words to describe how they made you feel and because how someone makes you feel is who you're going to be in the relationship.

So if they, if they make you feel. If you went out on a date with someone and they made you feel less than, well, you're always going to feel less than in that relationship. And so.

But it's a really good thing once you put all of your dating history on there with these words to try to see patterns, like, oh, wait, I see a pattern. I keep dating the same type of person that makes me feel this way or, you know, whatever. So that's a good.

A good thing that I did was every single date that I went on, I would document that, you know, good or bad, document that and that just really. Because what you want to do is, how does this person make me feel? It's not, what do I like in him? Oh, my God, he's so funny. He's so this.

He's so that. That's all fine and good, but how Do I feel when I'm with him, do I feel celebrated? Do I feel confident? Do I feel sexy?

Do I feel whatever the words are? And, you know, if you don't feel all those wonderful things, then that's maybe something to really think about. And. And then.

So, okay, so that was that, the spreadsheet. So kind of treating like a business. Then I. Then doing research, right?

Like, you have to learn if you want to start a business, you have to learn how to have a business, have a business, or whatever your skill. Skill is that you need to learn. Well, in dating, you have to learn as well, right? There's no skills. I mean, we.

The only thing how we've learned about relationships is by what by default was given to us. Our mother, our father, our siblings, our friends growing up, high school, college. Like, they're just.

These relationships are in our lives, but there's no tools we've ever been given to really learn how to. How to date or how to have healthy relationships. So I decided I had to learn. And guess what? There's millions of people on YouTube, right?

So I got into YouTube. So this is five years ago, whatever got onto YouTube. And I just studied.

Right Again, if you want to pass a test and be good at something, you have to study. So I studied all of these relationship experts. I wanted to hear what they all had to say because I was new to dating. I was new to that world.

I haven't dated in 22 years. What is this world like? I don't know how to date.

But really what I was looking for is back in the day, Roxy, you remember John Gray had that popular book, men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, right? Well, at the end of the day, men are still from Mars, women are still from Venus, and that will never change, right?

And when I look at dating and relationships, it's how do these different species that come from, you know, Venus and Mars, how did these species try to coexist and thrive together? And it's. And what I determined is I need to learn that other species, and I share that.

To say that when I was doing all the studying on YouTube, I learned that for the most part, there's exceptions to every rule. But for the most part, I only take dating and relationship advice from men. Why? Because I already know myself, right?

I don't need to hear another woman talk. I already know who I am. I already know how I operate. Teach me about your species, right? You are different.

And what better person to represent a man, but a man giving dating, dating advice, right? Like, help me learn you. I already know the needs I have as a woman. I need to learn what a man's needs are.

And so a couple of the favorite guys that I follow and I've listened to all of them and I would say my two favorites are a guy by the name of Mark Rosenfeld. His Instagram is Make him yours. And he also has a great book on Spotify.

And then Stephan speaks S T E P H A N speaks S P E A K S is his Instagram name. But I love his perspective as well. And ultimately you may not like what these men say, but they're telling the truth from a man's perspective.

And it also depends on what type of man you want. Stefan speaks really speaks from the masculine man.

So if you really want a strong alpha man, you know, which is what I want because I'm, I'm an alpha female during the day. But when I'm done, work, take care of me. I want to feel like a pretty lady. And so that whole like feminine energy and all that kind of stuff.

But, but those were to my two of my favorites. There's a, there's Matthew Hussey, there's, there's John Gray, old school John Gray.

He did write an updated book to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, which I thought was really good. But yeah, I love relationship advice for men. A lot of my guy friends, that's who I count on for advice.

I don't call a girlfriend when I was dating because now I'm in a wonderful three year relationship with just the most amazing man ever. But when I wanted dating advice, I don't call my girlfriends. What do you think I should do? I call my guy friends.

Because what I learned again was getting dating advice from girlfriends. It was like they're coming from a female perspective. I want to hear what, what a guy's perspective is like. Help me learn and understand you.

And then my other rule that I also learned is kind of like in business, if I'm going to hire an employee, they come with a resume, right? And I'm going to look at the resume and are they qualified to do the job right?

So what I learned is when I'm going to take dating advice from someone, I'm going to look at their resume. Are they qualified to give me dating advice?

If they do not have a history, a good history of healthy dating relationships and health relationships, then why should I take advice from you? So I learned that I take dating advice and relationship advice from people who have shown that they've done it well and successful.

So that's my other. That's my other little tip for everyone. So something to consider. Who are you taking dating advice from? People who do healthy relationships.

You know, and it's a good point, too, because sometimes I think, like, as women and. And I do it too, like, when we get together with our girlfriends, it's like, you want to be like, you want to put your friend in the Right.

Right.

You want to be like, you know, you did great, you know, and you want to boost them up.

Exactly.

And sometimes that's not the right advice to get right.

Right. Exactly. Exactly. Well, because also what I've learned is there's two sides to every store, every story.

And the problem is, is women are much more vocal, and they're certainly much more vocal online. Guys kind of just take it. Take it on the chin, and they kind of just whatever.

But it's like, the reality is, is if I sat a woman down in a room and a man down in a room, you know, and they. And they've broken up, like, both would have equally valid stories. As long as you're willing to accept that both people have their needs.

And, you know, so that's the thing, is I know what my needs are. You know, I've done a lot of work to determine what it. What is it that I want in a relationship.

And.

But I also need to understand what. What a man's needs are. And. And I think that that's really what's missing is a lot of women, you know, we're. We're like, I want him to be like this.

He's. He needs to look like this. He needs to be 6ft tall. He needs to treat me this way. He needs to do all this. He needs to, you know, and it's like, great.

Like, we love that we have our needs, but, like, how are we compromising a little bit to make sure that my guy's needs are met, too? And sometimes they're opposing needs, and so we have to meet in the middle somewhere. And, yeah, I think that that's just really what's.

What's missing. Good communication and not just, like, my way or the highway.

So you mentioned you weren't doing the apps. Where were you meeting these men?

And did you have, like, a favorite place to go that you thought was, like, the best to meet men, or was it through friends or.

Yeah, so I didn't do apps only. Well, I shouldn't say that. I. I did it for a hot minute. I think I did. Well, No, I did. I was on Raya and. And Hinge for, like, two seconds. But anyway.

But I was like, this. I don't have time for this. This is like, no, I'm busy. So. So again, so treating it like a business, I. What's.

What's the best way to get business referrals? Word of mouth. So what I did was I went through every contact in my phone or actually, let me back up. So hold on. Put that on pause for a second.

I hired a matchmaker. I actually hired a matchmaker. So I was like, again, you know, I treated my dating life like a business.

Well, in business, sometimes I hire consultants.

These are experts that come into my company with, you know, a project, and I hire them for a project, and they're experts in what they do to help with the project so I don't have to sit and learn all about it. You bring in an expert. So I said to myself, okay, a matchmaker. They're like a consultant.

So while I'm busy at work, I have this expert behind the scenes that's doing work on my behalf so I don't have to lift a finger. So I hired a matchmaker, and I highly recommend. I mean, I loved it. I had an amazing experience.

If anyone wants to message me, I'm happy to tell you who I used, but I had an amazing experience. Now, ultimately, they didn't. Simultaneously, while I had the matchmaker, I was asking for referrals. I did both at the same time.

And I strategically chose who I would ask for referrals. And I was very intentional about it. I didn't just say, hey, by the way, if you know any want to let me know.

I was very thoughtful about the text message. I said, you're somebody who I trust. You've known me long enough that I think you know who I am.

And would you be willing to think about anyone in your network? I asked a lot of guys. I asked a lot of friends that were married. Those. I got the best referrals off of that.

Only because if you ask, like, a single girl, a lot of times they're like, girl, like, I'm having my own hard time. Like, you know, like, they're not. They weren't as likely to lend a hand, I felt like. But some were.

But, you know, and so I went through every contact in my phone. And people took it so seriously.

And people were like, oh, my God, Renee, like, thank you so much for, like, trusting me to help you find someone or whatever. So I got a lot of great referrals. But then as I worked towards the end of my phone, there was a guy in my phone that I've known for, like, 16 years.

We were colleagues, and I hadn't spoken to him in a while, and I was like, oh, what's he up to? So I texted him and just to say hi, like, not thinking anything of it. And we've been together for three years. And so this is what I will always say.

I believe the love of your life is either currently in your contacts, or somebody in your contacts knows the love of your life. Use your network. Use your network. I mean, I built a multimillion dollar skin care company. Word of mouth, right? I was a small brand.

You just rely on referrals. Everything in this life, right? Who do you get your hair done from? Who do you get your nails? Well, it was a referral. You asked a girlfriend, right?

So let's use this in our dating life. And that's what I did. And so while. So. So again, I hired a matchmaker.

I was out in the world, you know, trying to do, you know, do the Lord's work for myself, trying to find, you know, a good partner in this life. And the whole time they were in my phone. So, anyway, so I love the matchmaker. I learned so much for them, and they sent me up with amazing dates.

It wasn't quite the right match because, I mean, you know, it's throwing spaghetti at a wall. You got to see what sticks. But.

But what I loved about the matchmaker is they really got to know me and help me really understand what I need in a relationship. So that when that person showed up, I knew it right away. I was like, so that was that. It was just super helpful. And that's why I really.

I highly recommend a matchmaker. I'm sure they would have found me someone, but it was early on in the matchmaking that I was going through my phone.

But, yeah, I see. So you literally texted him and you were like, hey, just wanted to, you know, kind of chat.

Yeah, I never. I never thought of him that way because we were colleagues and I was married when I met him, and I just never thought of him that way.

And so I reached out just simply to say hi, because I was like, oh, what is he up to? And anyway, we ended up getting on the phone. He's like, hey, are you free to talk right now? I would love to catch up. And I was like, actually, I am.

So we got on the phone and then he knew about my husband passing away and he was like, so sorry, whatever. And then he was like, oh, are you, are you dating and. Or, you know, are you in a relationship? And I was like, I was like, no, actually, I'm single.

And he was like, what? You're single? And. And so, yeah, he. We have a long distance relationship, which I love.

It works really well for us because at this stage in the game, like, you know, I'm 56. Like, it's not like I'm having kids. Like, we don't need the white picket fence, so. But we see each other a lot.

We see each other every week and a half and he's a great communicator, so it really works for us. He's busy, I'm busy. But yeah, so that's how that happened.

What was the first date like with him?

Okay, well, so here's the funny story. So. So I'm in New York. So he was in New York at the time. He said, when are you coming to New York? He goes, I want to take you out on a date.

I said, well, it just so happens I'll be there on Friday. And I was going to be there. We were launching a new skincare product and I was there for like five days for a precedent.

Well, I actually had three dates planned. What, two dates and then now him. So I had a Raya date when I was there because I was like, oh, let me just try Uriah in New York.

I'll just open up this app, whatever. So I had a Raya date. The matchmaker sent me up with. With somebody and the contact of my phone. So I think I was there six nights.

So I was working during the day, but I was like, no, let me just have a couple dates at night while I'm here. And so I had three dates. And so in theory, it was like, at the end of the week, who's going to get the final rose? And so I went out with all three.

But by. So by the end of the week, so the first night I went out with my current boyfriend.

And then one or two nights later, matchmaker one night later or whatever, the riot date. And. But then I was working all day because I was launching a skincare product to the media and so I was exhausted. Well, I guess I overdid it.

And I started getting really sick at the end. Like the last, the last day I Was there.

I came down with something because I guess I between dating and working, like my little body was just like, renee, you've had too much. So I end up getting sick. So my now boyfriend, he said, I would love to see you before you go.

And I was like, I would so love to see you, but I just feel awful. I just need to sleep. Like, I just feel horrible. And what did he say to me? He said, renee, I don't care that if I get sick.

He goes, I'm going to come to your hotel room. He goes, I'm going to make you some. I'm going to bring you some chicken noodle soup.

He goes, I'm going to tuck you into bed and kiss you on the forehead.

Oh.

And I was like, wow. And he got the final rose.

That is so sweet.

And he did that.

He put you all into bed.

He took care of you.

I mean, that's what you wanted.

Yes.

And for, for, for, for women in general, I can't speak for every woman on the planet, but for a woman in general, but especially a very successful women, we're so busy taking care of everyone else and we don't receive very well. Right. And that's part of that feminine energy. Instead of being like, no, no, no, I got it. I'll get my own damn chicken noodle soup. Right.

I can put myself in bed myself. Like, you know, it's about receiving.

And that just felt so beautiful that it, that I was like, wow, no one's ever showed up like that for me, like really receiving. And, and to this day in our three year relationship, he, he just pours into me in a way that I haven't experienced before and it's beautiful.

Oh, that's so nice. What do you think your late husband Florian would say about him?

Yeah, so I get, oh, I get a little emotional. He would be. They're very different. They're very, very different. But I think my husband was an introvert and he was just like to be home a lot.

And I was always someone that was kind of bigger than life and always very highly social like you, Roxy. Like we just, we love people, get energy by people and that wasn't my husband as so much. So much.

Even though we had tons of adventures together and did a lot of fun things. You know, we rode motorcycles for years all around the world and anyway.

But I'm with someone now and I think this is what I really need in this next chapter of my life. Somebody that really loves to live life even in a bigger way. And like Just gets more energy around people like I do.

And me and my current boyfriend were opposite enough, which I love. We're very opposite in so many ways. So I learned so much from him. He learned so much from me. But I think my husband would.

I mean, he said before he died, renee, you've been a tiger in a cage, and I've kept you trapped, and it's time to let you out. And he knew that in a lot of ways, he held me back from certain things. And even in business, he was always.

I always wanted to grow the company, and he was always like, we can't afford it, and kind of cautious.

Like, more cautious. Yeah.

And. And so he recognized that. So I think my husband would be very proud of me.

I know he's proud of me, both personally and professionally, because the tigers come out of the cage, and I'm really, really showing up as my best self in every area of my life. And that's a beautiful thing.

That is beautiful. That is beautiful. How does your current boyfriend make you feel about yourself?

Oh, my gosh. Confident, sexy, like a queen. Strong. Just loving, kind. Yeah. I mean, every day he writes, I'm trying to. I probably have one around.

I have one on my computer. I mean, look at this right here. It says, you are amazing. Proud of you. You are absolutely beautiful. Keep going, my baby.

Like, he writes notes for me all the time, and he's just like my biggest cheerleader. And. And that's another thing, too. Like, being successful, you know, like, you don't want someone to dim your light. And. And I.

You know, that's hard for anyone who's successful. That's. They've experienced that, you know, and it takes a confident man to not dim a successful woman's light. And that's why.

Why I got with a matchmaker, because they cater to. I've done two different matchmakers, and they both were great, but.

But the second one was a matchmaker that really caters to successful women because we're a different breed, and. And we're not for everyone. And they really helped me see, you know, determine what I needed. And. And it worked.

Yeah. He sounds extremely thoughtful. I mean, the chicken soup alone, you know, like, on the first week, I'm like, that's so sweet.

But at the same time, he's also very strong. He's. He's a man. He's all man. And. But he has. He knows when, you know, to be soft, when I need him to be soft.

But during the day in his career, I mean, he. He's A strong personality. So it's just, it's. I don't know, it's, it's just a beautiful balance and I, I couldn't be happier.

That's, that's so wonderful.

And you know, I feel like there are a lot of women that are probably even listening or watching now that perhaps, you know, were widowed or went through a divorce or a breakup or something. You know, like there's been some life changing things in their dating life.

And maybe they feel stuck and scared and they don't want to put themselves out there or go about, you know, trying to find a partner or, you know, go on that sort of journey. What would you say to them if to get them unstuck, to get them to really kind of make that move?

My head first goes here, which is, it's, it's a little bit different than what you're asking. Never forget that love is loaned. You're. It's either going to end because someone dies.

Whether it's a family member, a friend, a romantic partner, whatever, someone will die. So it's going to end. But if it's a romantic partner, it will be either through divorce or death. As humans, we all crave love. We need it to thrive.

We need it for our health, like human connection. And so that's why, you know, sometimes people get dogs because we need that kind of connection.

We need to love on someone and we need someone to love us. And I think for anyone who's married or in a relationship, it's really easy to think that the grass is greener on the other side.

And I think that people, I think it's, you know, the grass is greener where you water it and something. With my late husband, I can honestly say that we had a really happy, fulfilling relationship. And it's because I worked at it.

I never took him for granted and he never took me for granted. And, and I was so happy that, you know, as he was dying, we had a good conversation and I said, do you have any regrets in our marriage?

And he asked the same of me and we did it. We didn't have to apologize for anything. We didn't have to. I mean, we didn't.

We conducted ourselves in a way that we both felt proud of, but I also think that we really cherished one another. And again, you know, it's just so easy to take, take people for granted.

That's a human nature, you know, conduct that we all do and love on the one you're with, right? So if you're with somebody, you know, Being married for a long time or whatever. Yeah, it's. It's. It's different now than it was.

But there's lots of things you can do to spice things up and bring that back again. You just have to decide you want to do that.

Because I can't tell you how many people I know that thought the grass was greener on the other side, ended up divorcing, pursued, the grass is greener. Only to decide that they had a great thing. They just didn't put energy and effort into it. And I've heard that story so many times.

And, you know, especially when children are involved right now, all of a sudden, kids are off at college or out of the house, and these two parents are looking at each other and being like, I'm sorry, who are you? Like, I don't even know you anymore. Well, take it as a new chapter, you know, and. But really work on it in anything in life. When you put.

I mean, just like I did with my dating life, I got on YouTube and I studied. I studied and I became an expert at it, and I got, you know, I got a return on that investment.

And I think in relationships, romantic relationships, it's too easy just to be an autopilot. And then all of a sudden, you somehow blame them and. Or they blame you, and it's just because you both stopped caring and trying.

And so I really think that divorce should be the last option for people. Like, work your ass off to try to make that work. Like, of course, there's a million things you can do. You can get into therapy.

You can go maybe downsize your house and go live in the city and have fun again. Or, I mean, there's a million things. But ultimately, every day, cherish your husband. Tell him how much you're grateful for him.

And, you know, I lost my husband and what I wouldn't give to cherish him and tell him how grateful I am, and I love him. And I just think that we get so selfish, you know, and we're all like, what's in it for me? Or whatever.

And it's just like, love on them hard, and they will love on you hard back, you know, it's kind of like I always sit with my clients.

In the early years of starting Renee Rouleau, I didn't have many clients, but I said love on them better than anyone else, and they'll stay loyal to you. And so love on the relationships, whether it's romantic or your best friend or your mom or, you know, whatever, like, love on those people.

You know, and. And. And it's just. Let's not take each other for granted because someday they're gone and shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Right then it's that time. And thank goodness you guys carried yourselves in your marriage, you know, with such.

Yeah.

You know, respect and grace and everything. I mean, that. That.

Yeah, I mean, I. I took my wedding vow seriously. You know, I. I was like, you know, let's. Let's. Let's make this work. You know, compel or high water, let's make this work.

And not to say that, you know, we haven't had challenges through the years.

Actually, lucky, not even that many, but it's just because we always just loved each other and respected each other and honored each other and appreciated each other. When was the last time, you know, somebody told somebody how much they appreciate, you know, somebody like, I. I always will. Text friends.

Hey, I'm thinking about you today. I just want to let you know that I'm cheering for you. Whatever you're doing today, I'm thinking about you, cheering for you. Like, they love that.

Like, I appreciate our friendship. I just want to. I just called it. It's the old Stevie Wonder song. I just called to say I love you. Like, how about that? And so. Yeah.

So anyway, so went off on a little tangent there, but. But, yeah, so I just think anyone, you know, new to this, you know, new into dating, new into wanting to change up your life?

Like, if you want to change, make a change. You know, move to a new city. If you're bored, do something else.

Like, as I talked about it in the podcast last week, you know, like, change up your makeup, change up your hair, change up your clothes, change up your skincare routine, change up your life. Take on a new hobby. Like, you know, I think in, you know, midlife, we all just feel like, well, this is what it is. I mean, you know.

No, like, you can change. You can make your life whatever you want to be.

You can make this new chapter of your life even more incredible than the chapter before, because guess what? We're so much wiser now. We know better now. Create, you know, create whatever life you want. You can have it and.

But don't just succumb to, well, you know, this is what it is now.

Make it better. Like, make the change.

Right, Exactly. I mean, just change it up and, you know, get out of the comfort zone. Whatever. Whatever that means for you.

What has dating in midlife taught you about yourself?

Dating in midlife has taught me. It's just really. It's really shined a spotlight on who I truly am. And. And that. And that's why I'm. I. I really learned that, like, this is who I am.

These are all my quirks, my idiosyncrasies, all my greatest hits. And I'm much more accepting of who I am and even, you know, the other weaknesses, as one would say.

And what I have learned is asking for my needs to be met. And this carries over in dating and in anything in my personal life. I'm much more.

I'm much smarter about who I am as a woman and what my needs are, and I'm not afraid to ask for them. Where a lot of times I just don't want to. You know, I'm just like, I'm good. No, no, no, I'm good.

And.

But I'm. Yeah, dating is. I know what I want, I know what I need, I know what I desire, and I will say it. And. And that's. That's beautiful.

So what would you say to a midlife woman who's kind of wading through the dating world right now? Maybe she's been on some dates. Maybe she's, you know, casually dating, or maybe she's having a really rough go at it.

Like, what are, like, three tips, maybe that you would give to, like, a midlife woman, like, in the dating world right now to try to. Try to make it as, you know, good for her as possible.

Well, I. Both sexes, they bitch about the other side, right?

I can't tell you how many women are like, I went out with this one guy, and you'll never believe what he did. He. And I was like, oh. And so people throw him the towel. But if I talk to my guy friends, they will say something similar.

Like, I went out with this girl. Oh, my God. Right? And so. But this is why I talked about. We need to understand the other side.

Because also, like, in relationships, you know, we show up with a resume, and our resume is our relationship with our mother, our father, as I talked about earlier. But as you know, we show up with a resume of all the relationships we've had in the past.

We didn't learn, you know, we didn't necessarily learn and work on ourselves. We just kind of got what was handed to us. And so somehow.

And I find this more with women, they expect a man to show up being whatever their definition of perfect is, and then they get upset. Can you believe this guy did this thing? Well, guess what? If no one ever told them that that wasn't acceptable or right Then teach him.

And you don't just write him off and expect him like, oh, he failed the test. Not going out with him again. Guess what? You say, hey, I would, you know, would you be open to doing this or showing up in this way for me?

Tell them what you want. And they either can say yes or they can say no.

But just because he didn't do something, it's maybe because he didn't know he was supposed to do that, because no one's ever told him. No one's a mind reader. Right. Men are not, you know, they're not mind readers.

And so it's up to us as women, as women, to be confident and tell a man what we need or what's important to us. But you say it in a way that is loving and kind and open and being vulnerable. You don't make demands.

Nobody, neither party wants people telling, you know, telling them what to do. But you share what your needs are, and that's. I have not had a history of. Of being able to share my needs very much.

And I've learned in this chapter of my life that. That I share my needs. This is something that's important, important to me. And.

And I've had great feedback with people going, great, I can do that for you. Yeah, that's something. I'll make note of that. I can do that for you. And that's in any relationship I have, romantic or not, even.

Even with my own mother, you know, And. And part of it is setting boundaries, too. Hey, this isn't working for me.

And I just want to let you know that this is a need I have, and can we work together on this? So asking for my needs to be met is really important, and I think that's important for women in dating. And I mean, I kind of.

The other tips are things that I said earlier on the podcast. Right. You know, I would go out with someone twice. That's always a good one. Don't just, you know, one and done.

And a lot of women are like, well, I don't want to waste my time going out with them a second time. I already know it's not a fit. No, you don't. No, you don't. Because sometimes people are nervous. Sometimes people are, you know, putting on a fr.

Who knows? But give someone a second chance.

That's true. That's a good point, too, because, like, yeah, the first date, of course you're going to be, like, nervous and, like, yeah, it's awkward. Like, oh.

And then my third tip. My third tip is ladies this is not a job interview on the first date.

Don't go into a date and interrogating someone, hey, what are all your last relationships? Do you have kids? You've been married? You. What's this and why? And I get it. You have that in common.

You're both looking for love, so naturally, what's to talk about is, hey, how's dating been, you know, for you? Oh, what's your relationship with your. With your ex? Like, how did that work out? It's not a trauma dump. It's not an interrogation. What's your story?

Tell me everything. Like, it's. The goal of a first date is three words. Light, fun, and easy. That's it. Light, fun, and easy.

And actually, the matchmaker taught me, Taught me this trick, which is. Or this tip. She said if they ask you about past relationships, you just say, you know, if they're like, oh, have you.

You know, how long have you dated? Or, you know, what's. What's it been like out there for you? And you just say. You just say, oh, it's been fine. But, you know, that's in the past.

Today is today, or whatever. You. Basically, we're not here to rehash my last five dates, right? I'm not here to listen to you rehash all whatever went wrong or whatever.

We're here to get to know one another. I mean, I didn't say. I don't say this, but the idea of a first date is, let's keep it light, fun, and easy. I'm here to just get to know you.

What are your hobbies? What do you do? Like, what's your. Did you go to your high school prom? I always.

They have those, like, I have a ton of them here at my house, but they have those, like, icebreaker questions, you know, those card games, whatever. So I use those in my company. We do icebreakers in every meeting. Hey, what was, you know, when the.

When the ice cream truck came around back in the day, what was your go to treat that you were going to get whatever it is, right? And when I have friends over, when I have dinner parties, I'll pull those out.

And it's so fun because all those questions are just like, wow, no one's ever asked me this. Or, oh, I haven't thought about that in years. Like, who was your high school heartthrob that you had posters all over your wall of?

Or whatever the question is. And so I kind of bring some of those things to a first date.

When I was dating, it was like, I'd ask them these and they kind of get caught off guard, but it kind of put them into like a playful mood instead of like, let's just talk about our horrible dating past. Like, no, we don't need that drama on the date. Let's just keep it fun and, and light and easy. So this is not an interrogation.

We're not here to find out what's your story? What are you looking for? Are you looking for to get married? Are you, you know, like, no, this is light, fun and easy. This is day one one.

Don't interrogate them and ask them questions, you know, six months from now, you know, I don't know. I mean, and I hate when people go, would you ever get married? Who has that answer?

You know how many people out there who said, I'd never get married again and did and vice versa? Like, I don't know. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. We're just going to get through today, right? Let's just enjoy today.

I'll worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm not thinking, who knows? Life has so many twists and turns. There's so many things I said I wouldn't do that. I did that I would do that.

I didn't, like, just go with it. Right? Try to stop trying to control the narrative of our lives. Like, just one day at a time. One day at a time in the moment.

Like, live for right now.

Right, Right, exactly. Let's not worry about tomorrow. Exactly.

That just creates anxiety too, on top of it.

I mean, it's exactly like I'm, I don't have a crystal ball. I have no idea what's gonna happen. Like, but life is figure it outable. So don't try to control it by already having him say what all the things are.

We have no idea. We have no idea. Just one day at a time. And be open minded to whatever life brings your way. And when there's problems, it's all figure it out able.

Right? Like, we try to control and prevent any problem from coming our way. But the reality is, is we'll figure it out once. Once it presents itself.

As women, we are amazing problem solvers. We will figure it out.

May not be easy, maybe we might have a lot of heartbreak in our life, but we figure it out and we pull ourselves back up and we keep on moving. That's what we, as women do.

Yeah, absolutely. It's about being solution oriented. Right? You just kind of figure out what you need to figure out.

Right. I mean, think about everything back in your life. That was so traumatic at the time, and you thought you would never get over that or whatever it was.

And time heals and you learned a few lessons and you don't want to rinse and repeat, and that's the best thing we can do. Try not to make a mistake twice.

Yes. And it's like giving fewer, too, because it's like, who cares? Right? Like, you get so caught up with, like, what is that person gonna think?

What's this?

You know? Like, it's just like, who cares? Like, move on. Like, go, like, do the.

Have fun. Exactly.

Right.

Exactly.

Well, Renee, thank you so much for your incredible honesty and just being so vulnerable and open, you know, talking about. Absolutely. I just. I really appreciate it, especially with, like, Florian and dating and no doubt this will help so many women, you know.

Yes, I know it will. I hope it does.

Yeah.

And also, just, you know, this is just my opinion. This is just my experience. You know, I'm not acting like I have all the answers because. But this is what life has taught me.

And I hope that it at least gets somebody to. To think about some things differently.

But maybe you should think about doing a dating kind of, because you got some good, good tips, good advice.

Yeah.

It could be the second career.

I mean, I know, right? But yeah, I mean, I definitely get hit up a lot, and people being like, renee, would you please talk to my girlfriend? She needs to talk to you.

And I'm like, okay. Well, I mean, at the end of the day, being. Being in an esthetic, esthetician, I got into it by my love.

By my love of, you know, helping others and serving others. I have a tattoo on my arm that says to serve. And so, you know, I'm happy to serve in any way I can.

That helps us be happier and have better relationships. Because I know it's tough. It's tough out there.

It is, it is.

But with good advice and, you know, getting out of the comfort zone and kind of moving forward, forward, hopefully that'll be good for people, you know.

Yeah, absolutely. And we're doing great in our midlife and, you know, this is. There's so much to look forward to. Just be open minded.

Get out of your comfort zone and don't think, you know, that you got to hang it up because there's a lot of life to be lived and stay healthy and. And just always be learning and. And just be, you know, just open. Say yes. Say yes. More often.

Say yes. Exactly. Tell everybody where they can find you.

Yes. So renew.com if you want Amazing skincare advice and skincare products. And then take our skin type quiz to find out your skin type.

And then my Instagram is Rene Rouleau, so people can DM me there.

Oh, that's great. So they can DM you dating stuff too, right? If they need some advice.

I know, I know. I mean, I'm a pretty busy woman, but anyway.

But DM me and I'll help you in the best way I can, but I'm not at the point right now where I'm taking this second side gig on.

So you're like, just get all the stuff here, you'll be good.

Exactly. Just rewatch this ten times.

Exactly. Exactly. Before we left, the other show you made mention of, you said you had a tip for jet lag or how to get through jet lag.

Can you share what that is?

So, yeah. Yeah.

So it's a little off topic, but it sounded really good so I wanted to.

Yeah. Okay. So this is the thing. I don't believe in jet lag. And so if you take a nap. So if anytime you're tired, you either you do one of two things.

You either take a 20 minute power nap or you sleep for 90 minutes. And research shows that one or the other is the best timeframe for a nap because it's, you know, with your REM cycle or whatever it is.

So pick one or the other. If you're gonna nap, do 20 or 90. Don't just randomly sleep and wake up when you wake up, but do one or the other.

But 20 minutes literally gives you like many hours of energy, like puts fuel back in your empty gas tank.

And so when you travel, so what you want to do is the minute you get on the plane to go wherever you're going overseas or whatever, immediately just assume you're in that new time zone. And so that might mean on your flight, you close your eyes.

And even though you may not sleep because like you're not tired, but you close your eyes and you immediately get out of that time zone. And you can't read. I mean, you can listen to music, but don't read a book, don't watch a movie, just close your eyes and pretend you're sleeping.

And it kind of fools your body into thinking that you're, you know, I mean, it, it kind of counts as rest. And then when you get over to wherever your destination is, now you're in that time zone. But then if you.

But don't like sleep your day away, like you have to adjust to that new time zone.

But if you are feeling tired, do a quick 20 minute nap and it gives you like four or five hours and then you might have to get another one in later, but only do 20 minute and 20 minutes and that night get back, get on their schedule. So. So that's kind of how you do it. Like, you don't want to waste your day away in a foreign country trying to like catch up.

Just take a 20 minute nap as a little reset and that will get you enough to get you going or to keep you going until your next nap.

Okay. And that is like tried and true. This is what you live by, huh? When you go across the pond. Okay.

Oh, it works. It works. So much so I only. If I'm going to take a nap, it's 20 minutes. That's it.

I don't even do the 90 minute because again, you're trying to as quickly as you can adjust to. To that time zone.

Oh, so no Ambien needed then, huh?

Never. Never.

Okay, well, that's good to know. Okay, so that's good enough for me. Yeah.

Yep. Yep.

Okay. So that is good. That'll be on the list. But thank you, Renee. You're amazing. I appreciate you.

You're such a rare sunshine.

Oh.

You're always smiling. And that's what I love about Roxy. Like, I don't think Roxy ever. She at least doesn't show like she has a better. A bad day.

I know we're all humans, but you always just. You always just seem so energetic and so fun.

You're so sweet. Thank you so much. And I appreciate you coming on and sharing so much. And I mean, you're going to help so many people, Renee. And it just.

Yeah, absolutely. It just is so wonderful. And you're so well spoken and well researched.

Oh, Lord knows I've done a lot of. Learned a lot of things in this life. Good, bad, or indifferent.

So.

Right.

Exact. We have to. We have to. It's part of the fun, right?

I know, right? Yeah.

Yeah, that's so. I'm so glad that you are happy in love. And that's awesome.

Yes. Thank you.

Thank you.

Could. Could be happier. Couldn't be happier. Yay.

From heartbreak to spreadsheets to real love, Renee's story is the ultimate reminder that reinvention is always possible.

If her honesty inspired you today, please rate, review and subscribe wherever you're listening and send this episode to a friend who needs a reminder that it's never too late to start over. Follow us on the socials. Heconicmidlife and me redcarpetroxy for more unfiltered stories and bold inspiration for your next chapter.