Trauma changes far more than a single moment in time. It can alter the way people see themselves, how they experience intimacy, and how safe they feel in relationships long after the abuse has ended. In this deeply important episode of The D Shift, Mardi Winder speaks with psychotherapist Scott Stolarick about the often unspoken connection between trauma, sexual abuse, shame, and relational dynamics.
With more than three decades of clinical experience, Scott shares how trauma frequently creates ripple effects that extend into every area of a person’s life, including self-worth, trust, emotional safety, and future relationships. He explains why survivors are often left feeling responsible for what happened to them and how those beliefs can quietly shape the way they move through the world.
The conversation also explores the unique complexity of sexual abuse within committed relationships and marriages, including coercive control and the emotional barriers that prevent many people from speaking openly about what they have experienced. Scott discusses how trauma can become deeply embedded when it goes untreated and why unresolved experiences often continue resurfacing through anxiety, emotional shutdown, hypervigilance, or chronic shame.
Rather than focusing solely on retelling painful stories, this episode examines the importance of trauma-informed care and approaches such as EMDR therapy that help individuals process traumatic experiences in a healthier and more integrated way. Scott explains how healing is not about erasing the past, but about helping people stop defining themselves by what happened to them.
Throughout the discussion, one message becomes very clear. Trauma may become part of someone’s story, but it does not have to become their identity.
The episode focuses on the issues of:
• Trauma often impacts far more than one specific event and can affect every area of life and relationships
• Survivors of sexual abuse frequently struggle with shame and misplaced feelings of responsibility
• Abuse within committed relationships and marriages is real and often goes unspoken
• Unresolved trauma can surface through anxiety, emotional shutdown, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting others
• Trauma-informed therapy approaches such as EMDR can help people process painful experiences differently
• Healing does not require forgetting the past, but learning not to be defined by it
About the Guest:
Scott Stolarick is a licensed, trauma-informed psychotherapist who has been practicing in the state of Illinois for 33 years. He is an experienced administrator and clinical supervisor as well as a seasoned clinician. Scott has Management and Leadership Certifications from the University of Notre Dame and Cornell University. Scott is currently the owner of Mosaic Pathway Counseling in Gurnee, Illinois.
To connect with Scott:
Website: www.mosaicpathwaycounseling.org
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/scott-stolarick-lcpc-cctp-298734252/
About the Host
Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.
For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb
Connect with Mardi on Social Media:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women
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