Transcripts
Hello listeners and welcome back to The Science of Self, where
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:you improve your life from the inside out.
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:Our guest today is Sonya Figueiredo.
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:She's coming to us all
the way from Australia.
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:I'm way up here in Atlanta.
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:If you can see the map on my desktop,
uh, Sonya is a long ways away.
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:We appreciate her joining us.
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:Uh, what, like almost a 12
hour difference I believe.
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:Sonya, thank you for being here today.
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:Please introduce yourself
to our listeners.
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Thanks Russell.
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:Thank you for giving me the
opportunity to be here with you.
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:As Russell said, I'm Sonya Figueiredo and
my company's name is Mindful Transitions
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:and I am a coach predominantly for women,
and I work with professional, uh, women
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:in corporate, in the corporate world.
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:However.
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:I have had over 20 years working in
high stakes, multi-billion dollar
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:projects, complex procurements with men.
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:In fact, there was 10 years where
I was the only female there.
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:So if you talk about male
energy, I understand it.
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:Can't say I've lived it, but I do
understand it and what I teach.
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:It works with both men and women.
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:Russell Newton: And
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:Sonya Figueiredo: yeah,
that's me in a nutshell.
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:Russell Newton: can you give us
some kind of idea of what industry
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:it was, what they dealt with?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: It was mostly
government and it was large procurements.
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:I worked for one of them, it was a mobile
hospital and we are talking massive.
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:We are talking, um, up to surgery units.
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:So it was not just the external hospital.
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:It was all the machines and
everything that went ping.
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:So you could imagine the complexity there
of getting that through, and I ran it all.
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:Russell Newton: Wow.
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:Okay.
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:So, uh, yeah, that's, that's a lot.
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:You start dealing with hospitals,
uh, a lot, lot that goes on
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:in many, many different areas.
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:So thanks for clearing that up for us.
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:Um, tell us about Mindful Transitions,
a company that you started.
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, mindful
Transitions was born last year.
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:I had essentially been a mentor
for, for many years, and I woke up
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:one morning, well, actually it was
about 18 months ago, I got sick.
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:You know, when you run on adrenaline
for such a long time and at such
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:a fast pace, eventually your body.
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:If you're not listening to
it, gives you a wake up call.
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:And mine did.
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:I ended up in hospital, thought
I was having a heart attack.
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:My husband drove me at 2:00 AM in
the morning to the to emergency.
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:Don't do it.
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:Always call an ambulance, but we
are only five minutes down the road.
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:So we got to hospital and it turned
out that I have atrial fibrillation,
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:which is where my heartbeat, when
I was admitted, was 170 beats
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:per minute, which is really fast.
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:And, uh, for three days I was there
and eventually they told me if
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:they couldn't bring it down, they
were going to have to essentially
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:stop my heart to restart it again.
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:And you can imagine everything that
was going in on my mind because it was
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:like, oh, wow, even though my kids are
grown, you know, they're not done yet.
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:They, they haven't got
their life partners.
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:They've only just finished university,
which is college in America.
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:And then it was like, well,
what's my husband going to do?
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:All those things that, you know,
anyone would go through at that time.
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:And I just went, I just went.
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:My business, my line
of work is killing me.
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:And I was getting to the age
where it was like, what the heck?
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:What is life all about?
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:Anyway, you start questioning
as you start transitioning.
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:You know, I'm in my fifties, and
you just go, wow, what am I doing?
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:You know, is the daily grind, is the burn,
is the stretch in all directions worth it?
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:So that was my wake up call.
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:I literally got out of hospital, did
a lot of research, and within 48 hours
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:I had signed up to an international
coaching college that's accredited,
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:not only here in Australia, but
accreditation in, in the world.
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:And I just went women.
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:Well, I, I was attracted to women
purely because I know women and.
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:Maybe because I had been in an environment
that I've worked with men all these
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:years, I decided to focus on women.
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:But funnily enough, even just
yesterday, I sat across from A CEO
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:who's male because I understand,
you know, the dynamics and what.
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:But my language translates to men
often because I have seen it and
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:observed from a different perspective.
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:So yeah, mindful transitions, corporate
women, we don't just teach tools
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:and not into leadership tools just
for the sake of leadership tools.
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:You can learn them, you can pick
up a book, you can, um, go to.
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:A two day seminar and learn what
you need to know about leadership.
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:The challenge is putting it into place
consistently, and what I mean about
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:that is we have conditionings, we're
all been brought up a certain way, and
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:we have conditionings from our family
lineage, or you have some trauma.
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:And those leadership tools do not
work if you are triggered sitting
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:in a boardroom or if you are
feeling out of sorts, because then
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:you can't regulate your emotions.
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:And so the work that I
do, we go deep and we.
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:Try to focus on what is stopping
someone from breaking into, you
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:know, breaking that glass ceiling or
stopping them from being consistent.
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:And also teach them the language
of rapport that goes deeper than
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:what most tools will give somebody.
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:But that's what we do.
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:Russell Newton: Mindful transitions, uh,
you refer to neurolinguistic programming
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:in your, uh, in your materials as well.
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:Is your approach to, can I call it
counseling or therapy or just coaching?
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:Is it based on NLP?
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:Does it draw some things from
NLP or is it, uh, a hybrid of of
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:that and maybe other practices?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, good question.
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:Uh, yes, predominantly NLP Uh, the
college that I have gone through
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:goes just a little bit higher.
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:It takes a hybrid of the best of
the best, but I am certified in NLP
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:and I'm just completed certification
in quantum coaching as well.
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:So.
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:That.
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:What that means is we take NLPA
lot of the breathing, a lot of the
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:exercises, but then we bring the
client down to the cellular level
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:to regulate the nervous system.
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:Though I can't promise anyone
that I can fix something, but what
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:I can do is promise that I can.
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:Help them recognize what's going on and
give them the tools that they can use
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:in the moment, or if it shows up, it's
a blip of a recognition as opposed to
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:spiraling back into those old habits.
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:Russell Newton: Hmm.
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:Okay, great.
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:Can you give us, um.
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:A definition of NLP and maybe what
parts of that are most predominant
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:in your quantum transitions?
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:I'm sorry, mindful transitions
or, um, quantum methodologies
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah.
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:Sure.
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:Um, essentially your, your
linguistic programming is
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:rewiring your thought patterns.
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:You know, it's not woo woo.
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:It's not something that, you know, we
are not taking you out into the back of
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:the room and doing some magical things
and bringing you back, but it's just
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:understanding those thought PR patterns
and addressing them and rewiring them.
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:So when it you.
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:I presented with a triggering
situation, you know what to do.
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:And some of that is through
breathing techniques.
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:Some of that is what we call anchoring
techniques, which I absolutely love.
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:And it's a simple exercise of I
will bring my client to a state of.
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:Where they can recall something that's
happy, a happy time for them, and it's
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:worked in about five to 10 minutes.
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:And then I ask them to do it
every day until it is embedded
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:in their neuro pathways.
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:And so when they have something that
makes them feel uncomfortable, they're
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:starting to have rapid breath or.
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:Erratic thoughts.
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:They can call on this moment
and within about three to five
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:seconds, they'll feel their si
nervous system start calming down.
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:That's a beautiful practice.
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:Also, do your, you know,
your typical box breathing.
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:So if you are sitting in a meeting.
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:And things were getting a
little bit uncomfortable and
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:you needed to focus a bit more.
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:It's a simple, you know, look at a window
for instance, and, and breathe as you
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:follow the lines around the corners
and it just gets you back to yourself.
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:So that's some of the things I do.
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:Quantum will take my client
down further, and that is taken.
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:Say series of up to six or
seven coaching sessions.
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:It's an hour to two hours each time.
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:We start off by not even
really asking a question.
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:I start off with breathing, take
them through a visual exercise.
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:And I ask them to listen to
their body, where their senses,
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:what's coming up for them.
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:And we go from there and I will take
them back to their earliest memory.
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:And if sometimes it goes even further
than that, it's not even necessarily
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:their earliest memory, it's just a
primal thought that they are feeling.
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:And we work through that.
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:Russell Newton: are you a hypnotist?
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:Do you do any of that work or
is it just a super relaxation
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:that you referred to earlier?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Sure.
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:Um, well, you know, with, with with
Milton language and all that, that is
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:all based on, he was, you know, famous.
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:Um, and he did do hypno, hypnotism
through language essentially.
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:So we, I do use a lot of Milton language
depending on the situation and depending
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:on if any trauma actually comes up,
because it will bring the client into.
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:A relaxed state, which allows me
to go a little bit deeper than
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:what some people are able to do.
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:But funnily enough, you mentioned that
in November of this year, I will actually
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:be qualified in that area where we do
use more trauma and uh, advanced methods,
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:which includes the hip, the hypnosis.
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:Russell Newton: When you're working
with someone and you find out it's not
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:just an an, and I don't wanna minimize
anxiety, but when it's more than just
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:an anxiety or an unsettlement, but you
realize there is a trauma that takes a
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:completely different direction than in the
treatment or in the therapy, does it Not?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: 100%, yes.
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:All the, all the tools go out the
window and we, we, and you know, it's.
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:The interesting thing with, so the
differences between coaching and
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:psychology, one is obviously the
degree, but it's also we don't just
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:have one methodology that we use.
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:And when it comes to trauma.
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:You know, some people think that
trauma is something terrible and
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:something physical has happened
to somebody, and that obviously is
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:one thing that can have happened.
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:But when you're a child and you are
around about four or six, all of a sudden
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:the conditions that could have been
used with you in your child rearing,
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:for instance, I had a detached mother.
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:I was born premature and for
my first seven months of my
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:life, I was in a cold, sterile
environment, uh, in a humidity crib.
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:And so I had the fight flight instinct
wired into me from the day I was born.
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:My mother had detachment because
she couldn't hold me, and she had.
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:What I believe now is would've
been, you know, depression and
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:postnatal depression with that.
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:And so my child bringing was upbringing
was, even though she loved me,
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:the connection was very different.
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:And so my trauma and what
came became hyper independence
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:was from a very young age.
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:And when you are working with somebody
with whatever trauma is presenting,
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:sometimes that it's the first time
when they realize it in a coaching
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:session and it's a gentle nego, non
negotiations, a gentle walking alongside
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:them, helping them navigate, taking
them as far as the body is ready to.
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:And that can happen over a series
of three or four sessions before you
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:actually get to where they're comfortable.
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:To be able to go a little bit further
and then actually address the root cause.
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:You just dunno what's going to come up.
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:Russell Newton: Just from the,
the last few minutes, there is
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:NLP process a more relationship.
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:Dependent process in therapy
or in counseling than maybe CBT
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:or some of the others would be.
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:It sounds like you, I mean you,
you mentioned you're walking side
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:by side down a path with a person,
so you're right there with them.
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:And it's not always the
case in therapies, is it?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: No.
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:No, it's not.
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:Yeah, it's it in a lot of therapies.
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:It's, here's the tools.
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:I'm going to tell is it therapy
is a lot of the times is sort of a
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:mix between a mentor and a coach,
and normally it's like, yep, I
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:can see where you're coming from.
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:I think this tool will work.
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:Go try that, or you will challenged
the person with my coaching practice.
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:Depending on what the client wants,
because some corporate people, all
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:they want is to be mentored and
I'll switch it up and I'll do that.
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:But in order for things
to work consistently, it
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:is walking alongside them.
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:I steer them, I walk with them, and
they come to their own conclusions.
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:I'll challenge them though,
and that's the difference.
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:Yeah.
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:Russell Newton: you said your, your health
scare, your AFib occurred 18 months ago.
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:Is that correct?
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:And you.
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:So from recovering from that and in
that timeframe you've made, did you
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:have exposure to NLP and the work before
that or has all that happened since?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Great question.
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:It pretty much has happened in
the last 18 months, but a lot
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:of what I do that's pretty in.
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:Thank you.
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:I, I threw myself into it.
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:It was, you know, you get to a point for
me when I was lying in the hospital, I
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:was like, well, what's going to happen?
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:You know, do I want to live where
I'm managing my condition or
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:do I want to live fully and not
have to worry about my condition?
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:Because for about two months afterwards,
you know, I was listening to.
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:I read all the research.
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:I listened to audio books.
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:I looked at the science base
behind natural fibrillation because
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:it's happening a lot earlier now.
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:Pe uh, young people will get it as
early as 30, whereas it used to be
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:condition of people in their eighties.
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:Russell Newton: Oh,
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:Sonya Figueiredo: and because we all
apparently, and now don't quote me
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:on this, but it's something scary.
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:Like 90% of people by the time
you're 80, will get that condition.
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:But what's happening now, because we
are in a society when no one gets rest,
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:and what do I mean by no one gets rest?
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:Well, you know, we're
always on our phones.
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:We've always got blue light around us.
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:We are not interacting and
slowing down like we used to.
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:You know how.
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:10, 15 years ago, we would go and sit
at a coffee shop and have a leisurely
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:coffee with a friend, and it would
maybe go for an hour or two hours.
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:Now the interaction is done behind
a screen mostly, and so you go
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:from the workplace onto your phone
and you're sitting in your bed and
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:late at night, 11 o'clock at night.
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:Still scrolling.
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:So our nervous system is not resting.
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:And what they're finding
is actual fibrillation is
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:starting at an earlier age.
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:And there's been quite a few cases at 30.
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:So when I was going through
that long story, I apologize.
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:Um, it just got me thinking that things
had to change 'cause I was getting
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:myself into a real anxious state and you
know, I was getting quite morbid with my
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:thoughts and it was like, no, hang on.
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:I have to change this.
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:And that's when I had to, I realized
like, okay, if I am going to do the work
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:on myself and I'm going to get my center
where it needs to be, and I've gotta tell
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:you it's the strongest it's ever been.
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:I've sadly, I've lost some friends along
the way, and that's purely because I'm
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:not the person they felt safe with.
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:And when I, when I say not safe with,
when you get your friendship group,
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:you normally gravitate to people for a
reason, and mostly that is because you
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:feel comfortable and familiar with them.
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:And now this Sonya shows up a lot
stronger and it's, Sonya won't
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:hesitate in saying something.
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:And so, you know, I've lo I've,
I've lost people along the way.
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:But what I'm doing now is I'm attracting,
attracting like-minded people,
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:which is a lovely journey in itself.
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:But yes.
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:So 18 months, that's, that's been my
journey and I've, uh, worked hard at
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:getting the certifications that I've got.
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:I'm still learning though, you.
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:I've got in most probably until
around January next year until
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:I've gone as far as I want to go.
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:But every time I see something
else, I'm going, yes, I can
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:bring that into my practice.
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:Let me learn it.
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:Russell Newton: from your website
you mentioned, and I'm just gonna
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:read from the website, you're
fostering, helping individuals or
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:women specifically in fostering deeper
connections in all facets of life.
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:Paving the way for improved
relationships and purpose driven living.
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:Is purpose the.
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:The, the thing you start with or
the thing you move to, or is it just
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:they're, they're all equal and you
work on them at the same, like, can you
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:clear up some of that for me please?
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:Yes,
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:Sonya Figueiredo: sure.
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:Absolutely.
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:Like when I start with a client, of
course I'm going to ask them their why.
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:So at the base level, it, it is about
their purpose, what their why is.
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:But 90% of the time I'll
find that why when they first
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:came is not their actual why.
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:And what I mean by that is people
will come with safe problems.
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:People will come with their external,
what they project to the world, because
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:that feels safe to them, but they
won't show up with their internal
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:problems and what's really going on.
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:All the things that they, they push.
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:Deep down or to the background and
they don't want to address them.
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:So what I like to do is work on their
relationship with themselves first,
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:and once their relationship with,
they bring themselves to a place of
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:trust because it's actually scary
to think that a lot of people who do
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:search out coaching or counseling.
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:Really do not have a relationship
of trust with themselves.
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:Everything has been done on unconscious
living and they're running on autopilot,
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:and if they're dismissing something,
it's because it's bringing something
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:up on the in themselves and they're not
trusting what they will do with that.
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:So that's what I bring them back.
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:I bring them back to trust of
self in their relationships.
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:And then of course that will pivot
out to their external relationships.
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:And then from there, the why or
the purpose that they started
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:off with is more than often than
not, not what it ends up with.
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:Russell Newton: Very good.
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:I hadn't.
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:I've never heard it expressed
that way, but I, I appreciate
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:that because that is exactly true.
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:What, as you say, what their why is, um.
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:We challenge our listeners regularly
through the podcast on understanding your
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:why, your purpose, your your mission,
what, however you wanna term term it.
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:Um, but to sit down with someone fresh
and try to get to that in one, in one
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:conversation is, uh, pretty difficult,
I imagine for them as well as for you.
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:Sonya Figueiredo: It absolutely is.
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:You know, some people think it's just, uh,
let me do one session and I'm good to go.
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:Uh, it doesn't work that way.
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:You know, of course we, I can do a
hyper session of 90 minutes, but I
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:can guarantee you they'll come back.
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:So,
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:and she's fun.
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:Go on.
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:Sorry.
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:No, I was just thinking actually
as I'm talking and you, I know your
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:listeners are predominantly men.
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:Uh.
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:Male energy and female energy
is coming to mind right now.
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:And I don't know if you know a
lot about male energy and female
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:energy and what the difference is.
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:No,
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:Russell Newton: no, not formally, no.
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Okay.
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:So we, we are all born with ma
masculine and feminine energy.
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:Feminine energy is
basically based on chaos.
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:And so we're very chaotic and
we are really good at doing a
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:lot of things all at one time.
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:Doesn't necessarily mean we're good
at doing it, but we can do a lot.
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:Men come from a place of center, so if
you think of an ocean where the water
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:is choppy and constantly moving, and
then a ship on top of the ocean, so
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:it's the feminine and the masculine.
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:Russell Newton: Okay, great.
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:And
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:Sonya Figueiredo: sometimes, yeah,
and sometimes when we become unstuck
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:or for leaders, you know, constantly
in that steady state, they need a
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:little bit of that feminine mix up to
be the leader that comes into being.
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:That shows up very differently, leads
very differently, and can relate to.
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:Everyone that they work with
in, in their leadership role.
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:Russell Newton: Great.
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:Thank you.
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:Um,
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:you, you talked about briefly, uh,
anchoring, is it something that
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:can be self-learn or, or are there
some things that can be picked up?
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:Do you offer anything, a self-study
course or a self-improvement information?
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Sure, absolutely.
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:Um, there is a 10 week course that can
be done and it's sent weekly, and it is a
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:mixture of, uh, self-based, uh, exercises,
meditation, a whole mixture of things.
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:The, what I normally do ask though
is during those 10 weeks, I will
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:have two, one-on-one sessions with
the client just to check in, see
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:how they're going, what they need.
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:But, uh, there is that, that option there.
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:But you know, it depends on what the.
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:Client is actually after some people
go, well, I don't have time for
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:one-on-ones, and I just gimme the course.
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:Like, yeah, I'll just give
you the course and that works.
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:And it, you know, it's what somebody
needs at that point in time.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:What, what I do find is ultimately
after the one-on-ones, a lot, lot
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:of them will come back and circle
back around, particularly if they
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:want to go a bit further because
I do have a, uh, science based.
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:Assessment that will look at it.
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:It, it's a series of 72 questions,
and it comes up with their prominent
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:personality, but not only their
personality, also their trait.
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:And when that assessment comes back and
we work and go through what it's showing
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:up, what you'll find there, or what I
find there is that ultimately to get
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:back into that balance state, it can take
around three sessions of one-on-ones.
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:So really depends on
what the client is after.
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:I'm not into a one thing fits all.
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:It's all tailored.
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:Russell Newton: Very good.
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:And you do this, uh, remotely
for anybody, not just people that
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:are able to visit you in person.
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:Sonya Figueiredo: That's right, yes.
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:So Zoom.
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:Zoom is my friend, you know, a bobblehead.
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:Russell Newton: It's opened up the
whole world in a lot, in a of good ways.
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:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, absolutely has.
420
:I mean, obviously I'm based in Australia.
421
:I have clients in the US so
I'm used to getting up at, you
422
:know, 3:00 AM in the morning.
423
:Mm-hmm.
424
:Um, so.
425
:It is, you know, this is, for me,
coaching is a lifestyle choice.
426
:I don't necessarily have
a typical nine to five.
427
:I'll pick my hours.
428
:You know, one-on-ones in person are
brilliant, but it's not necessary these
429
:days because of the technology we have.
430
:Russell Newton: I suspect that you are
as busy now in your entrepreneurial.
431
:Work and, and the company that you've
started and, and this, especially with
432
:your studies over the past 18 months,
you're putting in as many hours now as
433
:you were before in your procurement,
uh, professional process, are you not?
434
:I,
435
:Can you compare the before and
after and how it's, it's not
436
:the amount of work, obviously.
437
:Sonya Figueiredo: Right.
438
:That's a good question.
439
:I'm sure you and your listeners
have heard about the masks we wear.
440
:So for me,
441
:no, you just hit something here.
442
:Um Oh, wearing a mask was hard work.
443
:It is hard work.
444
:It's tiring because you're
always on a level of.
445
:Protection, shall we say.
446
:You know, you wear a mask
because you want to keep safe.
447
:You're wearing a mask because you
either want somebody to see that you
448
:are professional and you're always
running in that professional mode,
449
:or you are wearing a mask because you
don't want people to come too close
450
:to you, whether you know it or not.
451
:So it's, it's, it's a safety
mechanism that we wear.
452
:When I was in my.
453
:Past life, shall we say.
454
:I was always wearing a mask.
455
:I would even wear a mask with my friends.
456
:I used to pride myself as a
being a leader who, my team knew
457
:me, but they didn't know me.
458
:So I would always come
to work, put on my suit.
459
:There was my armor switched on.
460
:I would go.
461
:In my friendship life because
I had to find that trust
462
:in myself, even my friends.
463
:And I was driving, uh, only 12 months
ago with my daughter in the car, and we
464
:were having a conversation and sometimes
my mind works quirky, like I'll always
465
:work out or, okay, this age, so that
means I've got maybe 30, 35 years left.
466
:That's really sad, but that's
how my mind used to work.
467
:And I was saying, you know, I was
just having this thought about
468
:who would come to my funeral
and I'm going, oh my goodness.
469
:I don't really have that many friends.
470
:And not that that didn't worry me,
but it was like, hang on, this is
471
:my personality, but these are the
only people that I could think of.
472
:And I just happened to mention
it to my daughter who's in her.
473
:Late twenties, and she was
like, mom, no one knows you.
474
:And I'm going, what do you mean?
475
:She goes, come on mom.
476
:You know, you presented a certain
way even with your friends.
477
:You know, you, you never, you
have the deep conversations
478
:with them, but they're the deep
conversations with them, not with you.
479
:And so that's what I talk about a mask.
480
:So it, it's exhausting.
481
:Whereas now ask me anything,
you know, I'll be respectful.
482
:If, if it's something that I feel
that you know is not relevant,
483
:I'll certainly tell you that.
484
:But hey, bring it on.
485
:Ask me.
486
:And so it's not tiring anymore.
487
:Russell Newton: That's, that's
very strong and that, uh.
488
:That could be an entire episode in itself.
489
:And we have those masks
we don't even know about.
490
:I mean, we're almost taught to, in,
in our society, I think to go to work
491
:and present yourself in some way.
492
:And then when you're out socially,
you present yourself one way.
493
:And when you're with your kids,
you present yourself in another
494
:way or their friends maybe.
495
:And, and there's some
viability maybe to that.
496
:But yeah, it, it is just
a bunch of different.
497
:Fronts that we have to
put on and maintain.
498
:When you started talking about masks, it
reminded me of the, the saying about, uh,
499
:how difficult it is to, to not be truthful
in conversations, because you always have
500
:to remember, what did I say last time
and what, what fronts am I putting on?
501
:What am I, how am I supposed to react in
this situation instead of as you are now,
502
:just, I don't have to remember anything.
503
:I just am who I am and, and life.
504
:Is handled as it as I wish to handle
it now instead of it becoming some
505
:overwhelming process that it was before.
506
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, 100%.
507
:And as I said to you, you know, if,
if I don't think the question is a
508
:appropriate, I'll certainly say that.
509
:Whereas I used to dance around
it, you know, it's, it's what
510
:I call political correctness.
511
:And political correctness has a
place particularly in business, but.
512
:Getting the business done is all
about the rapport you build and the
513
:trust that you build with a person.
514
:And if you can't come from a position
where you can answer something that
515
:is centered and grounded and truthful
to you, then it's not going to work.
516
:It works for a time, but
it doesn't work forever.
517
:Russell Newton: I, I would like
you to make a distinction for
518
:us, for, for listeners that.
519
:Are dealing, uh, with, with issues
in their personal development process
520
:because it's an, it's an important thing
to know when it's some, and we alluded
521
:to this earlier, when it's something
that I can self-treat or I can not
522
:diagnose, but I can read something on
it, I can learn about it myself, and I
523
:can take care of those things versus.
524
:When it's time to seek
actual professional help.
525
:And there's always stigmas associated
really with both, but more with, you
526
:know, going somewhere I'm seeing a
therapist for some reason, uh, has a
527
:negative connotation to a lot of people.
528
:Can you clear up some issues there?
529
:If an individual is really struggling,
how, what kind of advice would you give
530
:them to determine whether they sh what
path they should take to, to find a
531
:room for improvement in their lives?
532
:Sonya Figueiredo: Okay, firstly,
let's, uh, change the stigma.
533
:Call it a mentor, particularly for
professional men and women mentors feels
534
:safe and it has a different perspective.
535
:The difference between a mentor
and as coaches, we won't just
536
:say, you know, do this, do that.
537
:We are going to help you get to where
you need to go by helping yourself first.
538
:You'll wake up if you are staying
waking up at 3:00 AM every morning
539
:and, and staying awake for several
hours if you are finding that you are
540
:disconnecting from your relationships.
541
:And what I mean by that is if you are
sitting, um, across the table from your
542
:partner and you are on your phone or
they ask a question and you are not.
543
:Leaning in and listening to them
intently and making it a reciprocal
544
:two-way conversation flow.
545
:You're probably disconnected if something
is coming up for you and you keep pushing
546
:it down or you make yourself busy.
547
:The busiest people are
generally the people.
548
:Who are running from something, and I'm
not talking about being busy at work.
549
:I'm talking about being really
busy in all aspects of your life.
550
:I can't give you the golden answer
for that, but you'll know if
551
:you are constantly fighting and
avoiding something, the chances are.
552
:It's time to address it.
553
:And yes, you can read the books.
554
:Yes, your YouTube is the most
wonderful tool that you can get
555
:on and you can look at things.
556
:And we all have Google Doctor.
557
:Um, you've got those available to us.
558
:Even chat, GTP.
559
:It's a, it's amazing what chat GTP
will come up with these days, but it
560
:will only address your problem so far.
561
:Yeah, and I've gotta tell you,
even coaches have coaches.
562
:I have several coaches that
I work with for myself.
563
:Yeah.
564
:So you can go so far without a coach, but
there comes a point in your time that I'm
565
:going, Hey, what are you losing out on?
566
:You know, what's it going to cost you?
567
:Maybe one session to see if
it's going to work for you.
568
:You know what?
569
:What is the cost of not trying it
versus what is the cost for you?
570
:If you try it and it works and you
know you're seeing my energy, imagine
571
:bringing this energy in whatever
aspect of your life each and every
572
:day, and it doesn't feel hard anymore.
573
:Russell Newton: Your first statement,
I think, is very powerful There.
574
:People brag about, yeah, I found a mentor.
575
:I'm working with a mentor, or I
have a, I hired a personal coach.
576
:But very seldom would someone come out
and say, I'm going to see a therapist.
577
:And there's no reason for that,
except for societal norms or whatever
578
:we wanna put onto it as a stigma.
579
:So I think it's a fantastic point.
580
:Thank you for, for putting it that way.
581
:I know you work with your daughter, uh,
she seems to be pretty insightful just
582
:from this, the one story you shared with
us about she understood some things about
583
:yourself that you hadn't recognized yet,
but you work with her in some aspects.
584
:You give speeches together and talk
about generational differences.
585
:Can you tell us a little bit about that?
586
:Relationship that, that working
process, what you do with her?
587
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, sure.
588
:Um, you can look her up.
589
:She was, uh, so I, I'm based in
Canberra, so she was the, uh,
590
:Canberra representative of, uh,
younger Strain of the year last year.
591
:She's pretty phenomenal.
592
:Yes.
593
:And, uh, both, both my kids are actually,
my son is a almost a natural born.
594
:Coach.
595
:He, he works in the filming
industry and he's got great rapport.
596
:But with my daughter and I, we have
started to be invited to do, uh,
597
:speaking gigs, if you wanna call it that.
598
:And we talk about,
599
:uh, intergenerational.
600
:Topics and uh, you know, because
the problems she faces and the
601
:problems that I face, the reality
is they're not that much different.
602
:Mm-hmm.
603
:So we just give a generational
perspective on what that looks like.
604
:It's pretty phenomenal actually.
605
:We we're getting some great feedback just
to see the difference and, and obviously
606
:we, we don't hide the mother-daughter
dynamic, you know, we, uh, we, we
607
:show it Watts and all and I think I.
608
:I have most probably been a
coach long before I was a coach.
609
:Um, I've always,
610
:Russell Newton: yeah,
611
:Sonya Figueiredo: always looked at
things a little bit differently, and
612
:that may be because of the line of
work that I had done because strategy.
613
:Uh, was, I had to always look at things
from a strategy strategic lens, which
614
:meant I didn't just look at one side,
you know, everything is polarized.
615
:You know, for instance, love, hate,
you know, uh, grief, happiness.
616
:So I would never actually just look
at it from, from one direction, and
617
:that's basically how my children.
618
:Having brought up as well, don't just look
at what the problem is because there's
619
:always something behind it driving it.
620
:Russell Newton: Mm-hmm.
621
:Very good.
622
:Yes.
623
:Thank you.
624
:What, uh, for listeners that
are interested in this, uh, line
625
:of processing, NLP in general
coaching, mentoring, you've read,
626
:I'm, I'm wagering.
627
:You've read a lot of books in
the last year and a half, but I'm
628
:wagering You've read just as many.
629
:Uh, over the course of your life, you,
you sound like an eternal learner to me.
630
:Uh, I imagine you're always looking
to improve and find ways to go.
631
:In your experience, do you have three
or four books that you could recommend?
632
:What, what would be top of your
list if someone was looking for
633
:further information about any of
the topics that we've talked about?
634
:Sonya Figueiredo: Oh.
635
:Now you've got me.
636
:Let me just get out my audible it.
637
:It's funny, you know, I do read
a lot of books and if you saw
638
:my audible list, oh my goodness.
639
:Um, but they're constantly changing.
640
:I think the very first one that I always
went back to was, um, or Atomic Habits.
641
:Hmm.
642
:Russell Newton: Yes.
643
:Yeah.
644
:James Clearance
645
:Sonya Figueiredo: Clear?
646
:Yes.
647
:Yeah.
648
:Um, that was, was the first
book that I always did go to.
649
:Um,
650
:I'm sorry.
651
:You know, I should know this off by heart.
652
:Diary of the CEO is always a good one.
653
:In fact, I love those podcasts as well.
654
:Um, I, I find those insightful and
it transcends both male and female.
655
:Um.
656
:Unlocking your boundaries.
657
:And that's by Faith Harper.
658
:Russell Newton: Hmm.
659
:I'm not familiar with that one.
660
:Not familiar with that one.
661
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah.
662
:It's, it's, um, building your
relationships through, through yourself.
663
:A lot of people don't
understand boundaries.
664
:In fact, we always think it's a.
665
:Well, what, let's just say what
we think it is and what it truly
666
:is, is very, very different.
667
:Mm-hmm.
668
:That just gives a different
perspective, not only with your
669
:relationships, but in your workplace.
670
:Even the relationship with yourself, if
you can understand that and start with
671
:reading that first, then you can go into
your leadership books and, um, your,
672
:you know, NLP books and everything else.
673
:But I, I would suggest go
look at that one first.
674
:Russell Newton: Locking your boundaries.
675
:Great, great.
676
:Thanks for those, uh, some I'm
familiar with and one a new one to
677
:me that I'll have to add to my list.
678
:We're getting close to the end.
679
:I'll be careful of your time here,
but I have two questions that, uh,
680
:I always propose at the end and,
and I'll give them both to you and
681
:let you close out the podcast with
answers to these however you wish.
682
:One is, do you have a habit stacked during
a day of things that you always adhere to?
683
:And a second part, um, I'm sure I missed
a question that should have been asked,
684
:and I'm, I imagine listeners sit here,
say, ask her this, ask her this, or you
685
:feel that there's a piece of information
that I, I should have asked about If you
686
:have any final piece of, um, information.
687
:A piece of advice, anything that you'd
like to share with the listeners,
688
:uh, please take as much time as you'd
like to, to, to put that out there.
689
:Sonya Figueiredo: All right, great.
690
:Thank you.
691
:All right.
692
:Let me tell you my morning routine.
693
:Firstly, don't reach for your phone
when you wake up in the morning.
694
:Make yourself, make it a ritual.
695
:Make yourself a cup of coffee
or a cup of tea, whatever it
696
:is that you would normally do.
697
:But don't go on the devices because
your body actually needs to come
698
:back to a place of center after rest.
699
:It doesn't need to be wired
and switched on straight away.
700
:So get up and start your day
intentionally, you know, be that as
701
:I said, you know, you walk into the
kitchen, make yourself a cup of tea, be
702
:reflective, think about what your day's
going to look like, then go maybe have,
703
:have your shower or, or do a workout.
704
:I like to start with a somatic release
and I'll, I'll do a somatic meditation.
705
:And I will start my day off with that.
706
:And whatever comes up in the morning
during my meditation session, I
707
:will then sit and reflect on that.
708
:Journaling is a beautiful
practice, but I've gotta tell you,
709
:journaling has never worked for me.
710
:Uh, it's just I don't have the.
711
:The patience for it because I'm
constantly talking to myself.
712
:I'm so, you know, people who have
problems with addressing things.
713
:Journaling works the best, but, um, so
I, it's something I will always tell
714
:my clients to do if it works for them.
715
:What I find works for me actually is
just using the notes on my phone if
716
:I really need to get something out.
717
:I'll just, uh, speak it.
718
:Verbalization for me is the
best way to go, but that's how
719
:I normally start my morning.
720
:And then throughout the day
I have two beautiful standard
721
:poodles and they need walking.
722
:So, uh, they are my exercise
buddies and we'll take them
723
:out for about a 40 minute walk.
724
:And again, that's just bringing
me back to center because if.
725
:Even when in my corporate life, I found
that, uh, walking meetings or walking
726
:around the lake because I wasn't very far
from the lake during my lunch hour is what
727
:I needed to bring myself back to self.
728
:Yes.
729
:And if I didn't do those things, I am man.
730
:And I was ready to curl up into a
fetal position by the end of the day.
731
:So I've kept those practices going,
you know, getting outside, doesn't
732
:matter how cold it is, you know,
um, we've got family in, in, um.
733
:Montreal.
734
:And you know, even when it's been minus
35 when I've been visiting, that's
735
:called, I still need to get outside for
a bit because, uh, we are not, we are
736
:not wired to be indoors all the time.
737
:That's when you get sick.
738
:So that's my, that's my ritual.
739
:Russell Newton: Okay.
740
:We, let me interrupt if I could,
before you get, before you answer
741
:the question I already asked.
742
:I apologize for that.
743
:Um, can you briefly tell us, what was it?
744
:Somatic meditation.
745
:Uh, that's a new one to me.
746
:Can you explain that in,
uh, 30 seconds or less?
747
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, sure.
748
:Um, meditation and somatic.
749
:Meditation.
750
:It just works on a different
vibration, a different cellular level.
751
:So meditation is calming
of the mind being quiet.
752
:Somatic meditation works on various
things, like for instance, yesterday
753
:I did a trust meditation where I.
754
:Sat on a chair and allowed the
chair to cap cup and hold me, and
755
:it was based on a series of trust.
756
:So meditations is normally a calming
state with somatic meditation, you
757
:are addressing different aspects.
758
:So from trust to.
759
:Maybe you, uh, need to look at
your relationships with money, um,
760
:your relationships with family.
761
:So it's a whole different
set of, um, okay.
762
:Meditation that you do.
763
:Russell Newton: Okay.
764
:And one last thing before, yeah.
765
:Okay.
766
:Um, and I just wanted to point
out the, the benefit of, as you
767
:said, voicing something that.
768
:Needs to get out, I think was your phrase,
just the concept of, and some books
769
:we'll talk about, just write it down in
a, a worry journal or something else.
770
:But it the, just the process of getting
it in your mind verbalized or, or on
771
:paper through a, the mental process
and the physical process of writing
772
:it down has therapeutic benefits.
773
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, a hundred percent.
774
:There's a, I think it's Harvard.
775
:There was a study done.
776
:It was 70% of people who have
had that process of journaling or
777
:verbalization actually are a lot calmer
and stable within their own self.
778
:Um, I'm writing a book, uh, at the moment.
779
:It's called Good Girl Be Gone,
it will be released in December.
780
:And that's based on my own memoirs, but it
has coaching in each section and what I'm
781
:finding is it's quite cathartic, I guess.
782
:My book is becoming my journal.
783
:It's amazing what comes up.
784
:So yeah, 70%, um, effective rate.
785
:Based on studies.
786
:So it's, it's definitely something.
787
:And if it's not by writing my pen,
as I said, you know, for me it's
788
:just speaking into my phone just
789
:Russell Newton: right, right.
790
:This, the same, the same concept
and the same benefit as well.
791
:Thank you for that.
792
:And I apologize for interrupting.
793
:I'll let you give it a final
closing thought here and then
794
:we'll sign off for our listeners.
795
:Sonya Figueiredo: All right.
796
:Closing thought to me is, and
this was based on a conversation I
797
:had yesterday with a male client.
798
:Uh, he asked me.
799
:How to talk to his partner because
she would just feel the need to, what
800
:I call data dumping, where, you know,
she just shows up and she'll, she'll
801
:just go, oh, I need to talk about this.
802
:And he is like, well, it has no concept.
803
:And he goes, do I need to fix it?
804
:No, you don't need to fix it.
805
:You just need to listen.
806
:But at the same time, what women
are looking for is for men to.
807
:Speak to and isn't that
what we're all looking for?
808
:We are looking for the conversation
at how whatever level it comes up at.
809
:A lot of men, and I'm just generalizing
here, because some women, when they
810
:don't feel safe, do it too, will
get to an answer really quickly
811
:and then just be done with it.
812
:Get uncomfortable.
813
:Get uncomfortable with your conversations.
814
:You know, it's not that the conversation's
uncomfortable, but you might be
815
:feeling a little uncomfortable when
you feel uncomfortable and you start
816
:allowing yourself to talk about
the things that is really going on.
817
:Mm-hmm.
818
:That's when the magic happens, not only
in your relationships, but in in yourself.
819
:So get uncomfortable.
820
:Russell Newton: Not much happens
within your comfort zone.
821
:Thank you very much, listeners.
822
:This is Ben, Sonya, Figaredo,
author, soon to be published, author,
823
:entrepreneur, uh, public speaker, so
many, uh, counselor, coach, mentor, so
824
:many labels, uh, to help describe you
and we greatly appreciate your time.
825
:If you're looking for further
information, you can check out
826
:Sonya Figueiredo coach.com.
827
:Right?
828
:I had a something over the.co.com
829
:there, as well as, uh, several, uh,
other social media outlets that you
830
:can find, uh, by searching I'm sure.
831
:Just for Sonya Figueiredo.
832
:Thank you for your time.
833
:Really appreciate you being
with us and hope you have great
834
:success with your upcoming book
and your continuing businesses.
835
:Sonya Figueiredo: Thank you Russell.
836
:I appreciate your time and please reach
out to me, uh, listeners, if you feel
837
:that my style of coaching, uh, works
for you, let's have a conversation.
838
:Russell Newton: Thank you very much.
839
:Thank you very much.
