Relationships can be tricky at times and today on the podcast we are going to be talking about being intentional in our relationships using the 3 C’s to take the lead in all our relationships intentionally creating stronger and valued ones. I often get asked, why do I need to take the lead? I have an answer for that and we dive deeper today. Let’s get jiggy with it!
Highlights from this episode:
(02:23) Intention is the most important relationship we have
(05:04) Be all there
(09:43) Build trust by being accountable
(14:21) Take ownership of your communication
(18:09) Speak the way they receive
(20:08) Why don’t they get it?
(22:47) Get clear on your intention
The 'Take the Lead Workshops' will help you stay unstuck & create the results & success you want. I've learned a few things along the way & created these workshops to help you move past being up against it & have focused action on what's important to you.
Our next workshop is March 25th and it’s right on time!
We can’t wait to see you there! Read more and join our amazing community at the link below:
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The next cohort begins June 2025
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Hey, everyone, I'm Kelly Mobic, a coach and a
Unknown:leadership trainer. And I'm super passionate about helping
Unknown:you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own
Unknown:it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the
Unknown:lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your
Unknown:gifts, your unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders
Unknown:don't wait. They create. I know firsthand that life is going to
Unknown:throw us curveballs that we're going to doubt our greatness,
Unknown:our ideas and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe
Unknown:in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion
Unknown:for you each week, so that you feel inspired, motivated, and
Unknown:most important in action towards your unique impact in this
Unknown:world. So let's jump in. Hey, there, everyone, this is Coach
Unknown:Kelly. And I want to welcome you to another episode of Let's be
Unknown:honest, before we start pretending this is episode 162.
Unknown:And we are coming right up on the end of May, I cannot believe
Unknown:it, I cannot believe it like June is upon us. So I wanted to
Unknown:share with you all that we are going to be running another
Unknown:series of take the lead in your life workshops. And I'm really,
Unknown:really excited to take this topic intention, and workshop
Unknown:that with all of you. So dates are going to be announced that
Unknown:is coming Watch this space, our first one's going to be it'll be
Unknown:a little bit more towards the end of June. But we are going to
Unknown:have again, it'll be a bundle of three like it has been before.
Unknown:Once a week, they will build upon each other and you will be
Unknown:able to bring the things that you want in your life and
Unknown:utilize intention, the 3d is getting clearer and generating
Unknown:the results you want, you will be able to workshop with that
Unknown:with me live, we will also have the opportunity for replays as
Unknown:well. We got you covered over here. Okay, so watch this space,
Unknown:I'm going to I'm going to share those dates with you. We're just
Unknown:finalizing a few details. But we are so excited to bring you the
Unknown:next set of take the lead in your life workshops. The last
Unknown:time we did this, it was so awesome. And so much value was
Unknown:created. So I'm looking forward to seeing you all there at the
Unknown:workshop. So here's what we're talking about today. By the way,
Unknown:how great was it having coach Tracy Hewitt on the last episode
Unknown:where we were really talking about intentional parenting,
Unknown:see, you can take intention and and and have it you know, really
Unknown:help you create exactly what you want, with anything with
Unknown:anything. And I love so much of what Tracy brought in on that
Unknown:episode to really help parents out there be intentional with
Unknown:the relationship that they want with their children all the way
Unknown:up and through adulthood. How great is that, and that is the
Unknown:beauty of intention, it's a fantastic tool that can help
Unknown:lead the way with that. So today, what we're going to talk
Unknown:about are some of those other relationships that we have. And
Unknown:also where you can really utilize intention to have those
Unknown:relationships work. It could be a partner, it could be your
Unknown:spouse, it could be friends, it could be you know, we you know
Unknown:what, it could be the relationship with yourself,
Unknown:which is honestly the most important relationship, right?
Unknown:We don't stop and think about what's the relationship that I
Unknown:have with myself. But you know, it's a goodie. And maybe I'll
Unknown:dedicate an entire episode to that one. In fact, I think that
Unknown:would be a great idea. But I want you to be thinking about it
Unknown:in this way. It could be the relationship with yourself, with
Unknown:a partner with your spouse with your you know, people that you
Unknown:work with friends, right, like we're in relationship with so
Unknown:many things. I have some more guests coming on where we're
Unknown:going to address a relationship with our health. And I'm really,
Unknown:really excited about that. And I just I think that it's so
Unknown:important to dig deeper into this tool called intention
Unknown:because it really helps us stay in the driver's seat does it
Unknown:not? It absolutely does. So be thinking about relationship like
Unknown:you know, you don't have to pick them all at the same time. You
Unknown:might be as I lay out some concepts you might be thinking
Unknown:the relationship with yourself or you know, a partner or a
Unknown:spouse, friends, people that you work with whatever that is okay.
Unknown:And apply it there and then you can apply it everywhere. Apply
Unknown:it there so you can have apply it everywhere, because this
Unknown:really, really does work. And I am super excited about it. So
Unknown:one of the things that I love, I found this quote by Jim Elliot,
Unknown:and it says, Wherever you are, be all there, wherever you are
Unknown:be all there, we're in such a fast pace, right? That sometimes
Unknown:being present, where we are like, right where we are, can be
Unknown:challenging for many, many, many reasons, many reasons, right? We
Unknown:don't know what's on somebody else's plate, sometimes we don't
Unknown:even know what's on our plate. And I think one of the most
Unknown:important things in having an intentional relationship with
Unknown:and you go ahead and fill in the blank, is that you've got to be
Unknown:all there with whomever is right in front of you, including
Unknown:yourself, okay? Be all there. Because when we are present,
Unknown:when we are present, we are. I mean, like Jim Elliot says,
Unknown:We're all there, we're all there, there's nothing else. And
Unknown:I think that, you know, again, and I just I kind of go back
Unknown:through the years where, you know, especially as a mom and
Unknown:you know, 50 million things on the plate to handle and move and
Unknown:juggle and all the things. You know, the best moments were the
Unknown:moments that I stopped, and got really present with my kids
Unknown:really present with the boys right? Now, did I ever do that
Unknown:perfectly? Oh, my gosh, no. Oh, my God, you know, right? Are the
Unknown:best moments is when I stop and decide to be really present with
Unknown:my husband, you know, did I do that all the time, no, friends,
Unknown:colleagues, all of those things, okay? Same same thing. But those
Unknown:best moments are when you are all there with them. Those are
Unknown:the best. So I want you to be thinking about that when I am
Unknown:choosing to really be present. With whoever's right in front of
Unknown:me, those are some of the best moments, right? And we can move
Unknown:through things that might be hard or challenging, in a much
Unknown:simpler way, in a much simpler way when we do that. So I love
Unknown:this quote. So I wanted to drop it in and remind everyone,
Unknown:including myself, wherever you are, be all there is Jim Elliot.
Unknown:So what I want you to know is that when we are thinking about
Unknown:relationships, when we're thinking about relationships
Unknown:with whoever they are, there are three things that really assist
Unknown:in having an intentional relationship, right, three
Unknown:things that assist in having an intentional relationship. And
Unknown:here's what they are. Communication, trust, and
Unknown:commitment. Okay, communication, trust and commitment. And I will
Unknown:tell you, that communication often is the one that we got to
Unknown:really be intentional about, really, actually all three,
Unknown:we've really got to be intentional about our
Unknown:communication, trust, and commitment. And so commitment we
Unknown:have talked about, we've talked about this many episodes on the
Unknown:podcast, but especially in this intention, mini series, if you
Unknown:will. And remembering that commitment is something that I
Unknown:am willing to be all in with. And it shows up over time. And
Unknown:through our action. It shows up over time and through our
Unknown:action. Okay, so we are really in charge of that we are in Dare
Unknown:I say control of that, okay? are ours, not necessarily somebody
Unknown:else's. So I want to be really clear about that. But we are in
Unknown:charge of ours. Trust is something and we've talked about
Unknown:this on the podcast to trust sometimes I think for people,
Unknown:they think that this is like this end all destination, right?
Unknown:Like, if I don't make it, you know, if trust gets broken, then
Unknown:that is it. But here's what I want you to know. And I am not
Unknown:talking about deal breaker trust breakers like deal breaker
Unknown:things, we all have them in our relationships where this is a
Unknown:deal breaker, right? This is this isn't. This is a no go.
Unknown:Okay, we all have those. And I think that in relationships, we
Unknown:work to make sure that we don't cross that boundary. Okay. So
Unknown:that's not what I'm talking about. But like the day to day,
Unknown:the day to day trust in our relationships and being
Unknown:intentional about it. And one thing that you want to know and
Unknown:remember is this trust can be built and broken. It is built
Unknown:and broken all the time. Let me give you an example. Let me give
Unknown:you an example. Say you are meeting a friend for brunch,
Unknown:okay? And you know, maybe you do this on the monthly basis,
Unknown:whatever that is. And you say you're going to be there at 10am
Unknown:and you show up at 1030 already.
Unknown:And maybe you do that over and over again. And you're so very
Unknown:sorry, oh my gosh, my life is so crazy. Bah bah bah bah baba,
Unknown:baba Bah, right? What's happening there. And especially
Unknown:when we don't take accountability for it, right? We
Unknown:don't take accountability, we just kind of like borooah all
Unknown:over the person on how busy you are, and all of the things is it
Unknown:begins to break trust in the relationship in this way, that
Unknown:maybe you're not going to be accountable to be on time. Okay?
Unknown:Now, when I say that, that is not detrimental, it's just a
Unknown:mental note. I already know that so and so is not going to be
Unknown:there. When they say they are. Okay. mental note, you know, and
Unknown:so we can build trust on the on the other side of that we can
Unknown:build trust by rather than like, all the apology, sort of at
Unknown:nauseam and all of the overexplaining, we can build
Unknown:trust simply by being accountable, you know, noticing
Unknown:being an ownership for I am late yet again. And you know what,
Unknown:it's occurring to me that this is turning into a pattern for
Unknown:me. And I really honor and respect our relationship and
Unknown:your time is equally as important to my time. So here's
Unknown:what I'm going to do different. Next time, I'm going to be five
Unknown:minutes early. And let me go a little bit deeper, I'm going to
Unknown:make sure that in order to be there five minutes early, I'm
Unknown:going to set myself up for success so that I'm out the door
Unknown:on the road. And you know, maybe not try to squeeze something in.
Unknown:Okay, see what I'm saying. That's a conversation that's
Unknown:communicating it. And the second part of that is when you go to
Unknown:do that, do it, like, follow through, follow through. Now
Unknown:you're building trust, Oh, I see that. She's She or he, they are
Unknown:on time. They're on time. And it's going to build trust. And
Unknown:it's going to really fill up that relationship bank making
Unknown:sense. Making sense. I want to know, you know, sometimes on a
Unknown:podcast, you're like, wait, I forget, they're not in the room
Unknown:with me. Okay, but just think about that. That's one example.
Unknown:One, there's millions of them, millions of them, okay, we build
Unknown:and break trust all of the time. And I want you to know, it's not
Unknown:always detrimental. But if you're being intentional in your
Unknown:relationship, you've got to be in ownership, for being sure
Unknown:that you're keeping that trust as consistent as you can. And if
Unknown:it's broken, be accountable about it, and create a different
Unknown:plan and follow through. Okay, so that trust gets built. And
Unknown:then communication. Oops, okay, we have got to be in ownership
Unknown:for our communication. And I gotta tell you, most of the
Unknown:time, we think we are super crystal clear, super crystal
Unknown:clear. But there's this presupposition, I remember
Unknown:learning when I was in coach training years and years ago,
Unknown:and it goes something like this. And sometimes it can be a little
Unknown:bit of a booger, so brace yourself, the meaning of your
Unknown:communication is the response that you get. Okay. The meaning
Unknown:of your communication is the response that you get, what the
Unknown:heck, what the heck, because we think we are crystal clear.
Unknown:Right? And we think it's landed. Absolutely. There you go. I said
Unknown:it. There you go. There should never be any questions on that,
Unknown:right? No, of course not. But what happens is, on the other
Unknown:end, whatever happens on the other end, that response was the
Unknown:meaning of your communication. Okay? Now, when you you hear,
Unknown:here's a little caveat to it, we cannot control what somebody how
Unknown:somebody else receives it, or what they actually heard, and
Unknown:all of that kind of stuff. So I'll get pushback on this one a
Unknown:lot. But Coach Kelly, I don't have any control of how they're
Unknown:going to hear this or what they're going to take away if
Unknown:they're even listening. True story. That's a true story. But
Unknown:if you are in ownership and being intentional in your
Unknown:relationships, and you're in ownership for your
Unknown:communication, and you're realizing it didn't land, that's
Unknown:information. Okay. So if we want to continue to build the
Unknown:relationship, somebody's got to take the lead and guess who that
Unknown:gets to be you, you. So when you understand that presupposition,
Unknown:the meaning of my communication is the response that I get? You
Unknown:have an opportunity now, you have an opportunity, you can
Unknown:choose a lot of things I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed, why
Unknown:don't they get it? They never get it. Bla bla bla. You can
Unknown:choose that but it's probably not going to get you anywhere.
Unknown:You might get to be right about it, but what's that giving you
Unknown:not much, okay? So you can choose to stand and ownership of
Unknown:that and Go again. Right go again, I do that with my, with
Unknown:my team, if if if, you know, if we have a meeting, and we're
Unknown:talking and we're rolling and going and something doesn't get
Unknown:laid out the way that I thought I had had shared it, that's my
Unknown:job to be in ownership for that and to check in and come up with
Unknown:a different opportunity. We are all human, we are all human. And
Unknown:we do think that we, you know, talk very clearly, to the point,
Unknown:even some of the best communicators, but guess what,
Unknown:sometimes it's not going to land, sometimes it's not going
Unknown:to be heard the way you thought it would. So, why choose getting
Unknown:all pissy about it? Let's do something different. Let's get
Unknown:an ownership for it. Um, let's talk about it. And I do that
Unknown:with my team. If something if something's out, we just talk
Unknown:about it. We not It's not like talking at nauseam, it's just
Unknown:super clear. Like, I thought we were clear on this didn't land,
Unknown:let's take a look and see what happened. Both ends, and then
Unknown:come up with a new plan to make sure we're on the same page. It
Unknown:works, it works. And in that it is getting clear on
Unknown:communication, it is being a commitment to having the
Unknown:relationship work and guess what else it's doing. It's building
Unknown:trust. Now, here's the other thing, that's when you're the
Unknown:communicator, I want you to know that on the other end, as the
Unknown:receiver of the words, or the message, whatever it is, if
Unknown:you're not clear, again, you have an opportunity to be in
Unknown:ownership in this communication in your relationship. Okay, so
Unknown:my accountability partner Cami, you've heard me talk about her
Unknown:before she runs McLaren coaching, she trains coaches,
Unknown:she's awesome. We have very different styles. And so we
Unknown:communicate all the time, we typically have great
Unknown:communication. And sometimes if I'm putting something out there,
Unknown:I might say it in my bit exuberant way. And Kami might
Unknown:not understand she'll be Wait, hold on, let me be clear, right.
Unknown:Cami is very detailed oriented. And I'm more very big picture.
Unknown:Right? So she might want to get clear on the details. So rather
Unknown:than like, what did Kelly just say she'll ask, I'm not really
Unknown:clear. Is this what you mean? She'll ask me some questions.
Unknown:And vice versa, we'll do that we have great communication between
Unknown:the two of us. Rarely is it as is a beat ever missed is the
Unknown:same thing with my team. Rarely do we miss a beat, because we
Unknown:practice it. Okay, because we practice it. I would say also
Unknown:with my children, I have practiced that, since they were
Unknown:we little. And I think we have really great communication. I
Unknown:think with my husband, we, you know, it's funny, it's like one
Unknown:of the closest, you know, he is probably my closest relationship
Unknown:right in my life. And, you know, sometimes I mean, we're human,
Unknown:right? We're human. And his style, he's very to the point,
Unknown:my style, I'm very, like, Let me paint you the most beautiful
Unknown:picture. And I'm like, full of details. And so you know, when
Unknown:we're talking and I want to be sure that he hears me, I have to
Unknown:know that he just doesn't require all of the fluff and
Unknown:puff. He just doesn't. And that's okay. That's okay. I
Unknown:think it's important. I get really excited about all of the
Unknown:fluff and puff of you will, but that's me. Okay, that's me. And
Unknown:so out of my commitment in our relationship to have our
Unknown:communication be really clear. I just got to know how he likes to
Unknown:receive it. So the way that I look at is I kind of think in
Unknown:bullet points, what are the top three most important things I
Unknown:want him to hear? Right? No more than that? 123. That's it. One
Unknown:is best to Okay, three. That's it. That's about it. Right? And
Unknown:just knowing that he appreciates it. When I talk that way, he
Unknown:actually hears me, guess what I have to follow up, he remembers
Unknown:he takes his own action. If I let go into my own like, so
Unknown:excited, exuberant whole story of it. Most of the time, he's
Unknown:not going to he's not going to catch it. He's not going to
Unknown:catch it. And then I can find myself being really frustrated.
Unknown:Guess who that's on me? That's on me. Because I have figured
Unknown:out in getting to know him the way that he receives
Unknown:information, okay, the way that he receives information. And so
Unknown:when we're being intentional in our relationships, right,
Unknown:whether it is with a spouse, a partner, our kids, our friends,
Unknown:our team members, colleagues, on and on and on. I think it's
Unknown:really important to speak the way they receive and that's been
Unknown:being intentional, that is being really, really intentional
Unknown:because our default is, well, this is who I am. And this is
Unknown:how I speak, why don't they get it? That is a rabbit hole that
Unknown:we just don't want to go down because it's not going to shift.
Unknown:So you really want to practice and pay attention. Now, you
Unknown:don't have to make it up either. You know what we forget to do?
Unknown:Ask, hey, listen, how do you best receive information? Am I
Unknown:too wordy? Or am I not providing enough details? What do you
Unknown:require? When we're chatting? What do you require? Right? Now,
Unknown:I'm not saying that all conversations go that way we get
Unknown:into these natural ebbs and flows, I tend, I tend to find
Unknown:that mostly in our friendships that, you know, are just so
Unknown:solid, right? We just got our move and our groove and, and
Unknown:it's natural. I don't know why. But that would be an interesting
Unknown:thing to research on why sometimes some communications
Unknown:just flow, you know, but they do. And so I think something to
Unknown:do there is to really look what makes that work. What's
Unknown:happening, probably what's happening is you're coming in
Unknown:and you're being really present, you're probably leaving your
Unknown:judge at home, right? You're not bringing your judge with you.
Unknown:You're being open, you're curious, and the conversations
Unknown:reciprocal. Okay, the conversations reciprocal,
Unknown:Nothing drives me more nuts. And I'm sure everyone can relate
Unknown:that when you are in a conversation, and you are you're
Unknown:attempting to share something, and someone talks over you.
Unknown:And you have to stop, and then you listen, and you're you know,
Unknown:focused in and then you gotta go again, okay? Now, nothing
Unknown:irritates me more, but it is my responsibility to communicate
Unknown:that, hey, listen, I noticed that sometimes when I want to
Unknown:share something with you, that really is important to me, I
Unknown:find that you talk over me a lot, and like are already kind
Unknown:of like formulating what you want to say, you know, and when
Unknown:you do this, please assume positive intent. And other
Unknown:people, Please assume that, because it doesn't mean that
Unknown:they are being dismissive of you, or they don't care this and
Unknown:that. There's a myriad of things that are coming into that in
Unknown:what drives that and another human being, it might be their
Unknown:way of relating, or they might want to come in and be helpful,
Unknown:okay. But if it's something that's gonna drive you nuts, you
Unknown:got to talk about it, you got to talk about it and be kind and
Unknown:assume positive intent, okay? And let them practice and make
Unknown:mistakes, let them practice and make mistakes, okay? And if it
Unknown:just never hits, you just got to know that, how would I
Unknown:communicate this differently? So it lands before I get
Unknown:interrupted? I don't know. That'd be a fun experiment too.
Unknown:But when you're being intentional in relationships,
Unknown:and if you go back to the components of getting clear on
Unknown:your intention, you know, what you want out of the
Unknown:relationship, you know why it's important to you really, okay,
Unknown:you can discern what's the energy? What do I want to focus
Unknown:on in this relationship, right? And then your commitment, what's
Unknown:my commitment to this relationship, and when you're
Unknown:really clear on that, and you're dealing with some of that, in
Unknown:the relationship, that can be frustrating, it is your job, to
Unknown:to, to intervene in that and have that conversation and
Unknown:communicate it so that you can have your commitment work so
Unknown:that you can build trust this and that nothing is worse than
Unknown:staying in a relationship and lying about it. Do you know what
Unknown:I mean? Lying about it. Like if you never confronted the things
Unknown:that might be creating some conflict in your relationship,
Unknown:then you are responsible for that, you know, you're
Unknown:responsible for that. And also, I'm a big fan of leaders don't
Unknown:wait, they create and so you cannot wait for the other person
Unknown:to do it. A lot of us don't like conflict, okay, this doesn't
Unknown:have to be conflict. You can change it to care flicked,
Unknown:right, I really care. And I am being in this relationship
Unknown:intentionally. So I'm going to go ahead and care flicked, and
Unknown:I'm going to have this conversation. And you know what,
Unknown:most of the time, it's going to land beautifully out of your
Unknown:commitment based on your intention, okay, out of your
Unknown:commitment based on your intention. So those are the
Unknown:three things that I think are super important to zone in on is
Unknown:your communication and we can do a lot more episodes on
Unknown:communication and trust. We've got plenty out there on
Unknown:commitment. We have a few on on trust as well as a matter of
Unknown:fact. But I think we can dive a little deeper on communication
Unknown:to and in relationships and things like that. The thing that
Unknown:I want you to remember is its communication, trust and my
Unknown:commitment in this relationship being intentional about it. So
Unknown:that means I've got to understand what do I want in
Unknown:this relationship? Why is it important? What is the energy
Unknown:and the focus of this relationship and what's my
Unknown:commitment to it, and bringing that in, so that you can be
Unknown:intentional in your relationships. And when you're
Unknown:intentional in your relationships, and you are in
Unknown:ownership, ownership for that, you can create such beautiful
Unknown:and meaningful relationships. So I wanted to bring that in today.
Unknown:Because I think it's so important. And we get to take
Unknown:the lead in that we don't want to wait, we don't want to wait.
Unknown:Relationships are important. People are important. Connection
Unknown:is important. So here's to you having intentional relationships
Unknown:in your life. Remember, we have a choice to lead our life follow
Unknown:our circumstances. And sometimes relationships fall in that
Unknown:category called circumstance. And life's about knowing what
Unknown:our intentions are, and passion and purpose and the values and
Unknown:creating those intentional relationships in our life and be
Unknown:that impact right. And who emerges from taking the lead in
Unknown:their lives are authentic and vulnerable and courageous. It
Unknown:requires all that to have intentional relationships. And
Unknown:it will not always look the way we think it's supposed to. And I
Unknown:say it every week, trust more gets revealed. And that's
Unknown:information so you can move forward. So you can pause, you
Unknown:can let go of worry and doubt and live fully the best
Unknown:intentional relationships and the best versions of yourself.
Unknown:Thank you so much for listening today. I know there's great
Unknown:value as you move through your day and take the lead in your
Unknown:life. We're going to continue intention in June. I'm really
Unknown:excited. We're going to talk about intentional businesses.
Unknown:We're going to talk about intentional careers. We're going
Unknown:to talk about intentional health. And we're going to keep
Unknown:this conversation going for a little bit more because I think
Unknown:intention is one of the best tools that we can utilize, to
Unknown:create, generate, have those successes that we say that we
Unknown:want. So you all have a great week ahead. And if it's not
Unknown:shaping up the way you want it to take the lead and create a
Unknown:fantastic one. I'll talk with you all soon. Take care. Thanks
Unknown:for listening to another episode of Let's be honest before we
Unknown:start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in
Unknown:your life, head over to Kelly J mobic.com. And connect with me
Unknown:on Instagram at coach Kelly mobile. If this episode was
Unknown:helpful for you, please feel free to share it with friends
Unknown:rate and review it on iTunes. That's Apple podcasts now, and
Unknown:at any time feel free to connect with me and let me know what you
Unknown:want to hear next or what you're working on. I'm happy to help.
Unknown:Thanks again for listening and here's to you taking the lead in