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Intentional Leadership & Relationships
Episode 16229th May 2023 • Lets Be Honest Before We Start Pretending • Kelly Mobeck
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Relationships can be tricky at times and today on the podcast we are going to be talking about being intentional in our relationships using the 3 C’s to take the lead in all our relationships intentionally creating stronger and valued ones.  I often get asked, why do I need to take the lead? I have an answer for that and we dive deeper today.  Let’s get jiggy with it!

Highlights from this episode:

(02:23) Intention is the most important relationship we have

(05:04) Be all there

(09:43) Build trust by being accountable

(14:21) Take ownership of your communication

(18:09) Speak the way they receive

(20:08) Why don’t they get it?

(22:47) Get clear on your intention

The 'Take the Lead Workshops' will help you stay unstuck & create the results & success you want. I've learned a few things along the way & created these workshops to help you move past being up against it & have focused action on what's important to you.

Our next workshop is March 25th and it’s right on time! 

We can’t wait to see you there! Read more and join our amazing community at the link below:

SIGN UP HERE! 


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Connect with Coach Kelly and for more resources please visit: www.kellyjmobeck.com 

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Transcripts

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Hey, everyone, I'm Kelly Mobic, a coach and a

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leadership trainer. And I'm super passionate about helping

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you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own

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it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the

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lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your

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gifts, your unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders

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don't wait. They create. I know firsthand that life is going to

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throw us curveballs that we're going to doubt our greatness,

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our ideas and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe

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in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion

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for you each week, so that you feel inspired, motivated, and

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most important in action towards your unique impact in this

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world. So let's jump in. Hey, there, everyone, this is Coach

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Kelly. And I want to welcome you to another episode of Let's be

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honest, before we start pretending this is episode 162.

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And we are coming right up on the end of May, I cannot believe

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it, I cannot believe it like June is upon us. So I wanted to

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share with you all that we are going to be running another

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series of take the lead in your life workshops. And I'm really,

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really excited to take this topic intention, and workshop

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that with all of you. So dates are going to be announced that

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is coming Watch this space, our first one's going to be it'll be

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a little bit more towards the end of June. But we are going to

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have again, it'll be a bundle of three like it has been before.

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Once a week, they will build upon each other and you will be

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able to bring the things that you want in your life and

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utilize intention, the 3d is getting clearer and generating

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the results you want, you will be able to workshop with that

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with me live, we will also have the opportunity for replays as

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well. We got you covered over here. Okay, so watch this space,

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I'm going to I'm going to share those dates with you. We're just

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finalizing a few details. But we are so excited to bring you the

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next set of take the lead in your life workshops. The last

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time we did this, it was so awesome. And so much value was

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created. So I'm looking forward to seeing you all there at the

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workshop. So here's what we're talking about today. By the way,

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how great was it having coach Tracy Hewitt on the last episode

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where we were really talking about intentional parenting,

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see, you can take intention and and and have it you know, really

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help you create exactly what you want, with anything with

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anything. And I love so much of what Tracy brought in on that

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episode to really help parents out there be intentional with

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the relationship that they want with their children all the way

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up and through adulthood. How great is that, and that is the

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beauty of intention, it's a fantastic tool that can help

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lead the way with that. So today, what we're going to talk

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about are some of those other relationships that we have. And

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also where you can really utilize intention to have those

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relationships work. It could be a partner, it could be your

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spouse, it could be friends, it could be you know, we you know

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what, it could be the relationship with yourself,

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which is honestly the most important relationship, right?

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We don't stop and think about what's the relationship that I

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have with myself. But you know, it's a goodie. And maybe I'll

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dedicate an entire episode to that one. In fact, I think that

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would be a great idea. But I want you to be thinking about it

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in this way. It could be the relationship with yourself, with

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a partner with your spouse with your you know, people that you

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work with friends, right, like we're in relationship with so

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many things. I have some more guests coming on where we're

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going to address a relationship with our health. And I'm really,

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really excited about that. And I just I think that it's so

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important to dig deeper into this tool called intention

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because it really helps us stay in the driver's seat does it

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not? It absolutely does. So be thinking about relationship like

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you know, you don't have to pick them all at the same time. You

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might be as I lay out some concepts you might be thinking

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the relationship with yourself or you know, a partner or a

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spouse, friends, people that you work with whatever that is okay.

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And apply it there and then you can apply it everywhere. Apply

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it there so you can have apply it everywhere, because this

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really, really does work. And I am super excited about it. So

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one of the things that I love, I found this quote by Jim Elliot,

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and it says, Wherever you are, be all there, wherever you are

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be all there, we're in such a fast pace, right? That sometimes

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being present, where we are like, right where we are, can be

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challenging for many, many, many reasons, many reasons, right? We

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don't know what's on somebody else's plate, sometimes we don't

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even know what's on our plate. And I think one of the most

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important things in having an intentional relationship with

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and you go ahead and fill in the blank, is that you've got to be

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all there with whomever is right in front of you, including

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yourself, okay? Be all there. Because when we are present,

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when we are present, we are. I mean, like Jim Elliot says,

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We're all there, we're all there, there's nothing else. And

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I think that, you know, again, and I just I kind of go back

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through the years where, you know, especially as a mom and

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you know, 50 million things on the plate to handle and move and

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juggle and all the things. You know, the best moments were the

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moments that I stopped, and got really present with my kids

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really present with the boys right? Now, did I ever do that

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perfectly? Oh, my gosh, no. Oh, my God, you know, right? Are the

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best moments is when I stop and decide to be really present with

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my husband, you know, did I do that all the time, no, friends,

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colleagues, all of those things, okay? Same same thing. But those

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best moments are when you are all there with them. Those are

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the best. So I want you to be thinking about that when I am

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choosing to really be present. With whoever's right in front of

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me, those are some of the best moments, right? And we can move

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through things that might be hard or challenging, in a much

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simpler way, in a much simpler way when we do that. So I love

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this quote. So I wanted to drop it in and remind everyone,

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including myself, wherever you are, be all there is Jim Elliot.

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So what I want you to know is that when we are thinking about

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relationships, when we're thinking about relationships

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with whoever they are, there are three things that really assist

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in having an intentional relationship, right, three

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things that assist in having an intentional relationship. And

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here's what they are. Communication, trust, and

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commitment. Okay, communication, trust and commitment. And I will

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tell you, that communication often is the one that we got to

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really be intentional about, really, actually all three,

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we've really got to be intentional about our

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communication, trust, and commitment. And so commitment we

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have talked about, we've talked about this many episodes on the

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podcast, but especially in this intention, mini series, if you

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will. And remembering that commitment is something that I

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am willing to be all in with. And it shows up over time. And

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through our action. It shows up over time and through our

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action. Okay, so we are really in charge of that we are in Dare

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I say control of that, okay? are ours, not necessarily somebody

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else's. So I want to be really clear about that. But we are in

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charge of ours. Trust is something and we've talked about

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this on the podcast to trust sometimes I think for people,

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they think that this is like this end all destination, right?

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Like, if I don't make it, you know, if trust gets broken, then

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that is it. But here's what I want you to know. And I am not

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talking about deal breaker trust breakers like deal breaker

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things, we all have them in our relationships where this is a

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deal breaker, right? This is this isn't. This is a no go.

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Okay, we all have those. And I think that in relationships, we

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work to make sure that we don't cross that boundary. Okay. So

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that's not what I'm talking about. But like the day to day,

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the day to day trust in our relationships and being

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intentional about it. And one thing that you want to know and

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remember is this trust can be built and broken. It is built

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and broken all the time. Let me give you an example. Let me give

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you an example. Say you are meeting a friend for brunch,

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okay? And you know, maybe you do this on the monthly basis,

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whatever that is. And you say you're going to be there at 10am

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and you show up at 1030 already.

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And maybe you do that over and over again. And you're so very

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sorry, oh my gosh, my life is so crazy. Bah bah bah bah baba,

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baba Bah, right? What's happening there. And especially

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when we don't take accountability for it, right? We

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don't take accountability, we just kind of like borooah all

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over the person on how busy you are, and all of the things is it

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begins to break trust in the relationship in this way, that

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maybe you're not going to be accountable to be on time. Okay?

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Now, when I say that, that is not detrimental, it's just a

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mental note. I already know that so and so is not going to be

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there. When they say they are. Okay. mental note, you know, and

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so we can build trust on the on the other side of that we can

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build trust by rather than like, all the apology, sort of at

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nauseam and all of the overexplaining, we can build

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trust simply by being accountable, you know, noticing

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being an ownership for I am late yet again. And you know what,

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it's occurring to me that this is turning into a pattern for

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me. And I really honor and respect our relationship and

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your time is equally as important to my time. So here's

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what I'm going to do different. Next time, I'm going to be five

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minutes early. And let me go a little bit deeper, I'm going to

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make sure that in order to be there five minutes early, I'm

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going to set myself up for success so that I'm out the door

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on the road. And you know, maybe not try to squeeze something in.

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Okay, see what I'm saying. That's a conversation that's

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communicating it. And the second part of that is when you go to

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do that, do it, like, follow through, follow through. Now

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you're building trust, Oh, I see that. She's She or he, they are

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on time. They're on time. And it's going to build trust. And

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it's going to really fill up that relationship bank making

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sense. Making sense. I want to know, you know, sometimes on a

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podcast, you're like, wait, I forget, they're not in the room

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with me. Okay, but just think about that. That's one example.

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One, there's millions of them, millions of them, okay, we build

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and break trust all of the time. And I want you to know, it's not

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always detrimental. But if you're being intentional in your

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relationship, you've got to be in ownership, for being sure

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that you're keeping that trust as consistent as you can. And if

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it's broken, be accountable about it, and create a different

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plan and follow through. Okay, so that trust gets built. And

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then communication. Oops, okay, we have got to be in ownership

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for our communication. And I gotta tell you, most of the

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time, we think we are super crystal clear, super crystal

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clear. But there's this presupposition, I remember

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learning when I was in coach training years and years ago,

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and it goes something like this. And sometimes it can be a little

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bit of a booger, so brace yourself, the meaning of your

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communication is the response that you get. Okay. The meaning

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of your communication is the response that you get, what the

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heck, what the heck, because we think we are crystal clear.

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Right? And we think it's landed. Absolutely. There you go. I said

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it. There you go. There should never be any questions on that,

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right? No, of course not. But what happens is, on the other

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end, whatever happens on the other end, that response was the

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meaning of your communication. Okay? Now, when you you hear,

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here's a little caveat to it, we cannot control what somebody how

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somebody else receives it, or what they actually heard, and

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all of that kind of stuff. So I'll get pushback on this one a

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lot. But Coach Kelly, I don't have any control of how they're

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going to hear this or what they're going to take away if

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they're even listening. True story. That's a true story. But

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if you are in ownership and being intentional in your

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relationships, and you're in ownership for your

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communication, and you're realizing it didn't land, that's

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information. Okay. So if we want to continue to build the

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relationship, somebody's got to take the lead and guess who that

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gets to be you, you. So when you understand that presupposition,

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the meaning of my communication is the response that I get? You

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have an opportunity now, you have an opportunity, you can

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choose a lot of things I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed, why

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don't they get it? They never get it. Bla bla bla. You can

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choose that but it's probably not going to get you anywhere.

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You might get to be right about it, but what's that giving you

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not much, okay? So you can choose to stand and ownership of

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that and Go again. Right go again, I do that with my, with

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my team, if if if, you know, if we have a meeting, and we're

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talking and we're rolling and going and something doesn't get

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laid out the way that I thought I had had shared it, that's my

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job to be in ownership for that and to check in and come up with

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a different opportunity. We are all human, we are all human. And

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we do think that we, you know, talk very clearly, to the point,

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even some of the best communicators, but guess what,

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sometimes it's not going to land, sometimes it's not going

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to be heard the way you thought it would. So, why choose getting

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all pissy about it? Let's do something different. Let's get

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an ownership for it. Um, let's talk about it. And I do that

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with my team. If something if something's out, we just talk

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about it. We not It's not like talking at nauseam, it's just

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super clear. Like, I thought we were clear on this didn't land,

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let's take a look and see what happened. Both ends, and then

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come up with a new plan to make sure we're on the same page. It

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works, it works. And in that it is getting clear on

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communication, it is being a commitment to having the

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relationship work and guess what else it's doing. It's building

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trust. Now, here's the other thing, that's when you're the

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communicator, I want you to know that on the other end, as the

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receiver of the words, or the message, whatever it is, if

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you're not clear, again, you have an opportunity to be in

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ownership in this communication in your relationship. Okay, so

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my accountability partner Cami, you've heard me talk about her

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before she runs McLaren coaching, she trains coaches,

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she's awesome. We have very different styles. And so we

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communicate all the time, we typically have great

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communication. And sometimes if I'm putting something out there,

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I might say it in my bit exuberant way. And Kami might

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not understand she'll be Wait, hold on, let me be clear, right.

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Cami is very detailed oriented. And I'm more very big picture.

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Right? So she might want to get clear on the details. So rather

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than like, what did Kelly just say she'll ask, I'm not really

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clear. Is this what you mean? She'll ask me some questions.

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And vice versa, we'll do that we have great communication between

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the two of us. Rarely is it as is a beat ever missed is the

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same thing with my team. Rarely do we miss a beat, because we

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practice it. Okay, because we practice it. I would say also

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with my children, I have practiced that, since they were

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we little. And I think we have really great communication. I

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think with my husband, we, you know, it's funny, it's like one

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of the closest, you know, he is probably my closest relationship

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right in my life. And, you know, sometimes I mean, we're human,

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right? We're human. And his style, he's very to the point,

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my style, I'm very, like, Let me paint you the most beautiful

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picture. And I'm like, full of details. And so you know, when

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we're talking and I want to be sure that he hears me, I have to

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know that he just doesn't require all of the fluff and

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puff. He just doesn't. And that's okay. That's okay. I

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think it's important. I get really excited about all of the

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fluff and puff of you will, but that's me. Okay, that's me. And

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so out of my commitment in our relationship to have our

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communication be really clear. I just got to know how he likes to

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receive it. So the way that I look at is I kind of think in

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bullet points, what are the top three most important things I

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want him to hear? Right? No more than that? 123. That's it. One

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is best to Okay, three. That's it. That's about it. Right? And

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just knowing that he appreciates it. When I talk that way, he

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actually hears me, guess what I have to follow up, he remembers

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he takes his own action. If I let go into my own like, so

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excited, exuberant whole story of it. Most of the time, he's

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not going to he's not going to catch it. He's not going to

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catch it. And then I can find myself being really frustrated.

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Guess who that's on me? That's on me. Because I have figured

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out in getting to know him the way that he receives

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information, okay, the way that he receives information. And so

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when we're being intentional in our relationships, right,

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whether it is with a spouse, a partner, our kids, our friends,

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our team members, colleagues, on and on and on. I think it's

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really important to speak the way they receive and that's been

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being intentional, that is being really, really intentional

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because our default is, well, this is who I am. And this is

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how I speak, why don't they get it? That is a rabbit hole that

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we just don't want to go down because it's not going to shift.

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So you really want to practice and pay attention. Now, you

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don't have to make it up either. You know what we forget to do?

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Ask, hey, listen, how do you best receive information? Am I

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too wordy? Or am I not providing enough details? What do you

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require? When we're chatting? What do you require? Right? Now,

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I'm not saying that all conversations go that way we get

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into these natural ebbs and flows, I tend, I tend to find

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that mostly in our friendships that, you know, are just so

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solid, right? We just got our move and our groove and, and

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it's natural. I don't know why. But that would be an interesting

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thing to research on why sometimes some communications

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just flow, you know, but they do. And so I think something to

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do there is to really look what makes that work. What's

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happening, probably what's happening is you're coming in

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and you're being really present, you're probably leaving your

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judge at home, right? You're not bringing your judge with you.

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You're being open, you're curious, and the conversations

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reciprocal. Okay, the conversations reciprocal,

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Nothing drives me more nuts. And I'm sure everyone can relate

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that when you are in a conversation, and you are you're

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attempting to share something, and someone talks over you.

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And you have to stop, and then you listen, and you're you know,

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focused in and then you gotta go again, okay? Now, nothing

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irritates me more, but it is my responsibility to communicate

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that, hey, listen, I noticed that sometimes when I want to

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share something with you, that really is important to me, I

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find that you talk over me a lot, and like are already kind

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of like formulating what you want to say, you know, and when

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you do this, please assume positive intent. And other

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people, Please assume that, because it doesn't mean that

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they are being dismissive of you, or they don't care this and

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that. There's a myriad of things that are coming into that in

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what drives that and another human being, it might be their

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way of relating, or they might want to come in and be helpful,

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okay. But if it's something that's gonna drive you nuts, you

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got to talk about it, you got to talk about it and be kind and

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assume positive intent, okay? And let them practice and make

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mistakes, let them practice and make mistakes, okay? And if it

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just never hits, you just got to know that, how would I

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communicate this differently? So it lands before I get

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interrupted? I don't know. That'd be a fun experiment too.

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But when you're being intentional in relationships,

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and if you go back to the components of getting clear on

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your intention, you know, what you want out of the

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relationship, you know why it's important to you really, okay,

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you can discern what's the energy? What do I want to focus

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on in this relationship, right? And then your commitment, what's

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my commitment to this relationship, and when you're

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really clear on that, and you're dealing with some of that, in

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the relationship, that can be frustrating, it is your job, to

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to, to intervene in that and have that conversation and

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communicate it so that you can have your commitment work so

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that you can build trust this and that nothing is worse than

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staying in a relationship and lying about it. Do you know what

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I mean? Lying about it. Like if you never confronted the things

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that might be creating some conflict in your relationship,

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then you are responsible for that, you know, you're

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responsible for that. And also, I'm a big fan of leaders don't

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wait, they create and so you cannot wait for the other person

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to do it. A lot of us don't like conflict, okay, this doesn't

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have to be conflict. You can change it to care flicked,

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right, I really care. And I am being in this relationship

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intentionally. So I'm going to go ahead and care flicked, and

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I'm going to have this conversation. And you know what,

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most of the time, it's going to land beautifully out of your

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commitment based on your intention, okay, out of your

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commitment based on your intention. So those are the

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three things that I think are super important to zone in on is

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your communication and we can do a lot more episodes on

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communication and trust. We've got plenty out there on

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commitment. We have a few on on trust as well as a matter of

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fact. But I think we can dive a little deeper on communication

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to and in relationships and things like that. The thing that

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I want you to remember is its communication, trust and my

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commitment in this relationship being intentional about it. So

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that means I've got to understand what do I want in

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this relationship? Why is it important? What is the energy

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and the focus of this relationship and what's my

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commitment to it, and bringing that in, so that you can be

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intentional in your relationships. And when you're

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intentional in your relationships, and you are in

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ownership, ownership for that, you can create such beautiful

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and meaningful relationships. So I wanted to bring that in today.

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Because I think it's so important. And we get to take

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the lead in that we don't want to wait, we don't want to wait.

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Relationships are important. People are important. Connection

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is important. So here's to you having intentional relationships

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in your life. Remember, we have a choice to lead our life follow

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our circumstances. And sometimes relationships fall in that

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category called circumstance. And life's about knowing what

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our intentions are, and passion and purpose and the values and

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creating those intentional relationships in our life and be

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that impact right. And who emerges from taking the lead in

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their lives are authentic and vulnerable and courageous. It

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requires all that to have intentional relationships. And

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it will not always look the way we think it's supposed to. And I

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say it every week, trust more gets revealed. And that's

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information so you can move forward. So you can pause, you

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can let go of worry and doubt and live fully the best

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intentional relationships and the best versions of yourself.

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Thank you so much for listening today. I know there's great

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value as you move through your day and take the lead in your

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life. We're going to continue intention in June. I'm really

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excited. We're going to talk about intentional businesses.

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We're going to talk about intentional careers. We're going

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to talk about intentional health. And we're going to keep

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this conversation going for a little bit more because I think

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intention is one of the best tools that we can utilize, to

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create, generate, have those successes that we say that we

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want. So you all have a great week ahead. And if it's not

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shaping up the way you want it to take the lead and create a

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fantastic one. I'll talk with you all soon. Take care. Thanks

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for listening to another episode of Let's be honest before we

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start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in

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your life, head over to Kelly J mobic.com. And connect with me

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on Instagram at coach Kelly mobile. If this episode was

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helpful for you, please feel free to share it with friends

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rate and review it on iTunes. That's Apple podcasts now, and

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at any time feel free to connect with me and let me know what you

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want to hear next or what you're working on. I'm happy to help.

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Thanks again for listening and here's to you taking the lead in

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