Episode 21: The Dating Diaries: Navigating Love and Laughter

Welcome to The Mirror Project!

Hello and welcome to The Mirror Project! We are your hosts Christine and Alexandra, and we are so glad you are joining us! Today, we're diving headfirst into the wild and wonderful world of dating. From dating apps to in-person encounters, we'll share our best and worst moments and what we've learned along the way. Buckle up for some laughs, surprises, and maybe even a few dating horror stories. This episode is going to be a rollercoaster ride through the highs and lows of dating today!

Thank You Supporters!

We want to extend our deepest gratitude to our recent supporters. Your unwavering support means the world to us, and we couldn't embark on this journey without you. Thank you for being such an integral part of our community. Your encouragement and kindness inspire us every day.

Stay Connected

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Our Recent Dating Experiences

First, we’ll recap where we left off in our love lives from the Love Seasons episode and share where we currently stand in our dating journeys. We’ll dive into how we met our recent dates, describing our best, worst, and funniest dating experiences. The conversation will naturally lead into a comparison of dating apps versus in-person encounters, exploring our recent experiences with dating apps and whether we prefer meeting people online or in person. Finally, we’ll discuss the unexpected challenges we’ve faced in dating recently and share any pleasant surprises or positive experiences that we didn’t expect.

Lessons We've Learned

Next, we’ll share what we've learned about effective communication in dating and how we set and respect boundaries in our dating lives. We’ll reflect on how dating has helped us learn more about ourselves and share instances where dating led to personal growth or a change in perspective. Additionally, we’ll talk about how we handle rejection or being ghosted, and what strategies we’ve found helpful in maintaining our self-esteem.

Engage with Us on Socials

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What We Are Looking for in a Partner

We’ll discuss our non-negotiables in a partner and highlight some of our deal breakers in relationships. We’ll also explore the values that are most important to us in a partner and how we ensure our long-term goals align with someone we are dating. To wrap up, we’ll talk about how we gauge compatibility with someone new and the role that chemistry plays in our decision to pursue a relationship.

Closing Thoughts

There you have it, friends: dating is a wild ride full of highs, lows, and everything in between! Remember that every date is a chance to learn something new – about ourselves and others. We'd love to hear your stories and insights. If you feel comfortable, share your dating experiences with us. What lessons have you learned? What are you looking for in a partner? Your stories could be the perfect addition to our next conversation. Next week, we're diving into the world of music, sharing the songs that are currently on repeat on our playlists and discussing how music shapes our lives. Stay tuned and talk next week!

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Join Us Next Time  

Before we end, don’t forget to like, subscribe, or follow us on your preferred listening platform and we will catch you next time!

and welcome to the mirror project.

2

We are your hosts, Christine,

3

Alexandra: And Alexandra.

4

Christine: and we are so

glad you're joining us today.

5

We're diving headfirst into

the wild world of dating.

6

We're spilling the tea on our recent

dating adventures, sharing our best

7

and worst moments, and debating dating

apps versus in person encounters.

8

Get ready for some laughs, surprises, and

maybe even a few dating horror stories.

9

We'll also talk about what we've learned

about communication, self discovery,

10

and what we really want in a partner.

11

Buckle up because this episode is going

to be a rollercoaster ride through

12

the highs and lows of dating today.

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Alexandra: Before we dive into

today's sections and topics, we want

14

to extend our deepest gratitude to

Candace, Irene, Kurt, Rose, and Sharon.

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Your unwavering support means

the world to us, and we couldn't

16

embark on this journey without you.

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Thank you for being such an

integral part of our community.

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Your encouragement and

kindness inspire us every day.

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Christine: All right.

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So Alexandra, let's dive in.

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Shall we?

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Let's first start talking about

our recent dating experiences.

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So why don't we first catch everybody

up, give a little recap from our last

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Episode that we first started talking

about this, which was love seasons and

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sort of give a little update as to,

or reintroduce what our journey has

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been to today when it comes to dating.

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Alexandra: Okay, well, I think we talked

about some of the goals that we each

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had and putting ourselves out there.

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And I can definitely say that has

been way on the back burner for me.

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So,

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Christine: you've been a bit busy, my

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Alexandra: cool.

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Just a wee bit, just a wee bit

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busy.

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Christine: You can

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Alexandra: and it

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might, right.

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It might've been a little

unrealistic for me to think I

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could try and squeeze that in.

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Considering like that, I do want to find,

you know, my person, my life's partner.

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You know, a man I feel really

connected with and that requires

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time, energy, and space.

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And right now it's

difficult to find a lot of

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that.

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So I'm squeezing things into different

times of I have 10 minutes here.

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I don't think that will go over

very well with a date feeling.

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Hey, I have 10 minutes or 15

minutes to squeeze you in.

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Can we see where this is going?

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So, think a lot of, The things

I'm still looking for in a partner

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and the values and stuff that I'm,

I want very much still align with

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what we mentioned in love season.

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So I highly recommend if anyone

hasn't heard that to go back, I can't

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believe that was what like a third

or fourth episode from starting.

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Christine: like that.

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Yeah, it was the first our

first month of episodes.

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So

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Alexandra: look how far

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we've come.

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Christine: believe it we're in July now.

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That's crazy.

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Anyway

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Alexandra: So what about you, Christine?

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What's been the, what

since love seasons episode

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Christine: Well If I remember correctly

I definitely said that this was but

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one of my goals for the year was to

really start making this a priority

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And start putting myself out there.

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Just to give a little recap.

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I, up until this point, you

know, have dated a little bit.

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But it hasn't necessarily

been my main focus.

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I think there were other things I

was working on personally, there

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were other relationships I was

focusing on, friends, family.

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So you know, I just decided that is going

to be my year to start exploring this.

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So it took a little while,

but I finally did it.

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I put myself out there.

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I think I mentioned that I'm not a huge

fan of dating apps, but I feel like

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they're, I don't want to say necessary

evil, but they're, you know, that's just.

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That's just how, that's just how it works.

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That's the easiest way to meet

a pool, a bigger pool of people.

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Especially when, you know, my day

to day doesn't account for random

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encounters, which we'll dive into later.

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But yeah, so I would say about a little

less than a month ago, maybe, or a

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little over a month ago, I, Signed

up for a dating app, put myself out

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there and have started to explore that.

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Learning a lot.

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This is an area that I don't know

a whole lot about and that's okay.

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So I feel like I'm trying to remember

to just embrace the journey not trying

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to get too much into my head about it.

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And have fun at the end of the day, right?

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Like I think trying to take the

pressure off as best I can, it's

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not going to always work, but just

remember this is supposed to be fun

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and there's no major commitments yet.

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Like I'm still learning of this is an area

that I don't really know about myself.

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So I'm learning.

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A lot of things for the first time and

learning new parts about myself because

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this is an area I haven't explored yet.

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So that's a little intro

into where I'm at currently

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so yeah, let's dive into it.

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Shall we?

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Alexandra: Well, I actually think

that's a perfect segue into the next

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thing we're going to talk about, which

is how have you met your recent dates?

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And do you have any funny stories,

like worst awkward moments or

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best surprising moments like in

the recent experience that you've

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Christine: So as I mentioned how I've

been meet, how I've re met my recent

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dates I'm on a dating app that's

always like a, it's interesting because

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how people introduce themselves

to you is always very interesting.

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Some people take the funny

approach, some take people take a

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very outlandish direct approach.

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But.

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Not sponsored, but the app that I

have used is this go around because I

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have used dating apps before is Hinge.

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So, yeah, and I'll be on, I'll

be honest, I kind of love slash

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hate it mostly because I just, I

begrudgingly don't like dating apps.

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Dating apps, but I like

how hinge provides prompts.

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So, that also is like a great

gateway into conversation.

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So it's always really funny to

like, because people can respond

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to different parts of your profile.

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So like,

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Alexandra: I think it's more valuable

than some of the other ones that.

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I know that I've tried, I don't, I

think we've tried many of the similar

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ones, but the a variety of prompts

that you can do now, I don't know, it

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allows you to see a little bit more

of people learn a little bit more than

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just like a picture and a brief bio.

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Christine: Or like your

height and your age.

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And definitely.

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Alexandra: any funny moments from,

you know, your dating experience,

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either most recently or in the past

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couple of years, worst moments.

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Christine: so far I'm very lucky.

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It could be just because I have very few

experiences so far, no like horror stories

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yet, or really like disaster dates.

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I'm sure, you know, those

will come eventually, but so

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can't report anything there.

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I'm interested to hear what you

have to say on that, my dear.

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But I will say You know, like actually

quite early on into me going on this

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app, I matched with somebody and we

had a really great rapport right off

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the bat, like it just felt really

natural to talk to this person.

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So that has given me like that.

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I was pleasantly surprised by that

because in my past experiences, when

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it comes to talking to people on dating

apps, it's like a little bit like pulling

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teeth sometimes, or if, I don't know if.

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Because some people take the approach

of they match, they chat maybe

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for a little bit, and then they

make a plan to meet right away.

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I don't know if that is necessarily

the way to go in certain situations.

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If you're struggling to chat with

somebody, like text with somebody.

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I'm also not the best texter.

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So, yeah, that, that's a

little bit, that's a little

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bit of where I'm at currently.

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I, yeah, I just I don't know if.

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Maybe something to keep in mind in

the future if I match with somebody

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and conversation isn't necessarily

great, but I'm feeling a little

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daring and maybe want to say Hey,

you want to just Meet up and sort of

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see if there's any sort of chemistry

there, like in that first meeting.

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That's also a little,

it's a little daunting.

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That's definitely out of my comfort zone.

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And I think I would want to have,

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Alexandra: but you have done so much

out of your comfort zone this year

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since we even started the podcast.

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Like you've put yourself out on a dating

app and everyone, she got her tattoo.

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So she was going to do that.

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I think we, if you haven't posted

it yet, it needs to go up on

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our socials because She did it.

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You're

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doing

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Christine: I'm doing a lot of the things

I said I wanted to do, which is crazy.

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And exciting.

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Like when I say crazy, it's not

like, wasn't expecting to do it

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because I definitely wanted to do it.

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But I'm just proud of myself for finally

just saying Fuck it, I want to do

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these things and I'm going to do it.

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So, that's been really empowering and

it's been a nice boost to my confidence.

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And yeah, I'm just feeling like.

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Feeling really good about where

I'm at halfway through the year so

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far, but enough about me, my dear.

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I want to know more from you.

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Give us the tea, Alexandra.

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Alexandra: All right.

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Okay.

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So, so not so recent.

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I think the most recent date

that I've had was like last fall.

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So it's been a while, but I can

pull on some stories from the past.

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How did I meet the recent dates?

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Yeah.

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Like you has been through hinge.

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We'll talk about hinge later in a little

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bit.

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Cause I know we're going to talk

about dating apps versus in person.

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So I'll get into some of that later.

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Had some good dates, had some weird dates.

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I don't think if I had any like downright

horror story dates, which is great

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because you know, I don't, I think bad

dates par for the course kind of thing.

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Horrible.

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Like I'm good.

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I mentioned, and I think it was

a love seasons or one of our past

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episodes went on a date with somebody

who were just totally unaligned.

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Like when we met, we were talking like

nothing wrong with being very chill.

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Not, I don't want to say not wanting

a whole lot of like, but shooting

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for peace and calm as a predominant.

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I need somebody who's a

little bit more ambitious

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to match my energy, you know,

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And I was just, that

was one of those things.

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It was like, like pulling teeth, like

not only in the app, but in person.

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And that was one of those, he

just wanted to talk in person,

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not so much on the app, which is

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fine.

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But it was like this is still really hard,

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Christine: Yeah.

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I think I remember that you

talked about this one, right?

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This is the one.

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Okay.

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Alexandra: just like greatest

ambition was to not be a bum.

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Christine: That's correct.

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That's the one.

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Yep.

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Okay.

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There we go.

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Alexandra: I was like, and my

greatest ambition is to live a very

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full life, own my own business.

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It's very successful.

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I have a, an amazing partner

and a wonderful family.

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It was like, okay, slightly different

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goals.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: So he is.

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The perfect match for somebody,

but that person was not me.

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Then I've had really good conversations,

but not a whole lot of chemistry.

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Trying to think of like

way back, there was, Okay.

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In college gone on quite a few dates.

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I want to say one of the worst

experiences was somebody I was

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kind of more hooking up with.

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And he thought that it was,

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I don't know, he played the role

of helping women open up into these

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beautiful flowers that they could become.

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And I was just like, you were

smoking too much of your own pie.

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And I'm like

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you are way too up in your

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ego.

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He couldn't be tied down by anyone.

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And I'm like, all right,

sir, whatever you do you.

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And I think for a little while I

was like impressed by that, which

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I'm kind of disappointed in like

me now is disappointed in younger.

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I'm like, okay, some, you know, things.

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It didn't ever think it was going

to be a relationship, but I was

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like, okay, you can have, want more

for yourself even out of fun times.

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Christine: Valuable

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Alexandra: and then.

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Christine: though, right?

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Alexandra: It was.

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What was that?

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There was one more that came up today.

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Oh, not like worse, not horrible, but it

was just kind of a thing that bugged me.

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I went out with a guy whom

I met on a nap, of course.

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We'd gone into lunch in the city and

we we had, you know, ordered food and

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cocktails and had a thing and, you

know, I offered to pay and help split

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the bill and it was like, okay, cool.

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Checks come back.

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We sign.

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And then he said, Oh, well I would

have paid for your lunch and I'm

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like, I'm just like a little quirk.

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And I'm irritated at that

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because if you could have done

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it.

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Do it.

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If you could do it and didn't want to

do it, fine, but don't say anything.

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So that was just a personal,

not a worst, not a terrible, but

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yeah, I'm trying to think of any

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Christine: Well, that's just awkward.

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Right?

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Like why would you even

say it at that point?

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Like the bills already signed

That's something you can say.

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I feel like that should have been

said before even if you decided to

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ultimately be like, you know what, no,

let's go for, I'm happy to go forward

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and split next time, like next time you

can cover or like something like that.

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That's just kind of a weird.

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Weird way to end it.

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I don't know,

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Alexandra: Well, and me, I

didn't stop the date there.

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We kept

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going and we went to dough that like

edible cookie dough place in the

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city.

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And then we went to Central

Park and walked around

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and this man didn't have a whole

lot of experience, I think,

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with any sort of intimacy.

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Or so he.

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He kissed me and it was

not great, which fine.

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But like immediately after the first

kiss ended, he was like, how was that?

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And I was like, don't think

you want me to be honest.

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So

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I was just like,

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Christine: it, buddy.

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You're a work in progress.

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Alexandra: yeah, I'm like, I

don't want to, I'm not trying

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to make fun of you, sir, but

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Christine: Yeah.

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In that mo, in those moments, do

you, do you be honest okay, did you

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ever go out with this guy again?

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Alexandra: No.

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That one day I got on the train

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And never talked to him again.

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Christine: oh gosh.

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Yeah.

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I mean,

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Alexandra: just like, no, sir.

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I thank you.

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This was, it was good.

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I had fun.

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Christine: it was a cute experience.

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Well, like you got to do some fun

stuff like Central Park School.

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I mean, the Dough place sounds fun.

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Did he pay for

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Alexandra: It was good.

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I actually can't remember.

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Christine: Well, anyway, if any,

if anything, you got a cute day

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in the city out of it, right?

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And

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he got some experience and hopefully

he's, you know, doing a lot better.

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You know, I think that's part of, that's

part of, that's a big part of all of this.

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Right.

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Is

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Alexandra: Right.

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Christine: There's a lot of trial and

error gonna happen so finding it within

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yourself to give yourself some grace.

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Sorry,

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Alexandra: Oh yeah.

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Christine: and know you're not

gonna be great at this, and it

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takes practice like anything, right?

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So, that's where I'm at, certainly, is

okay I'm officially giving this a go.

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Christine, you need to learn a lot.

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And that's okay.

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Alexandra: We all need to learn a lot.

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Even, you know, people who have,

you know, been on the dating

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scene a little bit more done.

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Like it's.

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We're all just stumbling

our way through this.

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We really are.

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Okay.

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So we've talked about it.

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Christine: All right.

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So why don't we've alluded

to it a little bit.

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Why don't we talk about, okay.

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Dating apps versus in person encounters.

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How, I mean, I think we sort of given

the given the listeners a little

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insight into how our experiences

have been with dating apps.

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Do you have anything else to add?

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Alexandra: No, but I do have an

interesting comment on a comparison

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Christine: Sure.

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Yeah.

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Alexandra: I'll hold that in for a little

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Christine: All right.

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Yeah.

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I think so.

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I've only currently used hinge.

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And then before that I've used

Tinder, which that was definitely

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the thing back in college.

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Like when dating apps first

came out, I'm definitely have

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no desire to go back on there.

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And I think a lot dating

apps in general are.

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Websites or whatever, they've come

a long way, but, and this is, this

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could be a whole other episode topic,

the business behind dating apps.

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Like that is something we could deep

dive it because it is like a money

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making millions, million dollar business.

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Right.

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So,

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Alexandra: It really capitalizes on people

wanting to find somebody or wanting to

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find like for a long term relationship

or finding short term or hooking up,

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Christine: exactly.

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Alexandra: they found a way to, they

found a way to make money on it.

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Christine: Good for them.

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Right.

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Makes me wish I Thought of

something similar because boy,

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they're raking in the money.

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Alexandra: Do you prefer online

meeting people online or in person?

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What's your preference or

then what do you actually do?

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Christine: Well, here's the thing.

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Don't like, I don't necessarily I've

mostly met the people I've dated online.

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There has been one instances.

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I started seeing somebody

that I did meet in person.

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We met at a party hit it off and decided

to Get to know each other more went out

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a few times that kind of fizzled out,

but I think that was mostly because we

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were in different Places in life and

like he, I definitely knew what I wanted.

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I think he was trying to figure out

what he wanted and that's totally fine.

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I just was

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Alexandra: I think that's

a valuable part of dating

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Christine: certainly.

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So I think I forgot about that.

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I have had, I've had two encounters in

both instances, but I feel like meeting

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in person, you can know right away, like

it sort of takes that initial step you

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have to go through out of the equation

when you go online, if you meet online,

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cause like you, if you meet somebody

in person, you already know what sort

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of chemistry you have right away.

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So it certainly makes

that process a lot easier.

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start to the process easier.

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I the idea of meeting somebody in person

versus the dating app, but I feel as

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I've mentioned, my circle is so small

that my chances of meeting somebody, like

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meeting somebody in person isn't as high.

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So, it's a great tool for me to sort of

start practicing as I, I have mentioned

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this is all part of the journey.

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So I think I would prefer meeting in

person, but right now, happy to give

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the dating app a try, see if it, and

it has pleasantly surprised me so far.

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But what about you?

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What are your thoughts?

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Alexandra: Trying to think I, I

don't know that I have a particular

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preference, I think in an idealized

world, meeting in person and hitting it

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off right the bat, like right off the

bat would be a pretty cool experience.

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I think it'd also be a little

bit strange being approached by.

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You know, a man in today's world.

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I'm also not somebody who enjoys bars

or I've never really been to a club.

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Don't really know that I'm

going to start doing that.

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So,

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Christine: And I

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Alexandra: you unless a man

walks up to me in a bookstore,

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Christine: Yeah,

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Alexandra: so

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Christine: it worked.

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It worked out for me that one time

because I was at a friend's party.

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So it was a mutual friend group.

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So I kind of already knew

Oh, I would vibe with them.

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the people in general, because this was

a mutual friend, but I agree with you.

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Especially if that's not your, that, if

that's not where you would personally

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put yourself out there, that's not

the kind of people you want to try and

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attract and get to know necessarily.

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Right.

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Alexandra: Because then you're like, if

you meet somebody in a bar and you're

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not somebody who likes going to bars, but

that person is not saying that everyone

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who goes to a bar enjoys going to bars,

but let's say that's too different.

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experiences and like preferences, then

it might not work because somewhere

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where you met may not be the best.

427

I also, like you, Christine, have

a smaller circle of close friends.

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Pretty much only female.

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Not that I wouldn't like male friends.

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I do

431

Would like to have more male friends,

but I also work in a predominantly female

432

environment where Many of the women are

much like older, too much older than me.

433

So meeting people through friends

would be ideal, but where,

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Christine: exactly.

435

Alexandra: so dating apps seem to be the

way you brought up an interesting point,

436

like great meeting people in person.

437

You can kind of get a sense of chemistry,

but also do you hit it off right away?

438

So you were talking about a little

bit earlier on dating apps, talking,

439

texting for a long time and then

meeting, or some people just want to

440

Christine: Meet

441

Alexandra: Briefly get to

it and then meet quickly.

442

And I can kind of see the value

of both because you text for a

443

little bit, see if there's a bit

of a vibe, then you meet in person.

444

Then you can actually

see if there's, okay.

445

That same vibe in person, if there's like

physical emotional attraction kind of

446

thing pretty quickly, versus if you spend

a few weeks texting somebody, you may

447

kind of attach the idea of this person

448

being like, okay, I've

invested so much time.

449

Then you meet and what

if it doesn't work out?

450

You're like, do you, I don't know.

451

I've done that thing where I feel like

a little weird I'm like, okay, we seem

452

to text fine, but then now I've met you

and I'm like, man, I don't feel anything.

453

So.

454

of the dating apps, I would

say I like Hinge the best.

455

I think maybe, I think I've done Clover.

456

I don't really remember that one.

457

That was back in college.

458

Tinder I did back in college.

459

I don't think I'd ever want

to go back into that one.

460

That one just seems like

straight hookups, but who knows?

461

That may have changed.

462

I've done Bagel Meets Coffee.

463

Christine: you do, did you do,

I was just about to say bumble.

464

Alexandra: I hated Bumble.

465

Christine: Yeah.

466

Yeah.

467

Alexandra: Personal

preference, again, unsponsored.

468

I just

469

don't love making the first move.

470

I'm already so up in my head.

471

I don't love making the first move,

which I'm going to get that it's

472

a safety, security thing for women

and females to make the first move.

473

And that's awesome.

474

However I am not the most witty right off

the bat and it is kind of hard to it's

475

almost like cold calling people, right?

476

When you match with somebody online

is, I think that's what I like

477

about Hinge is the different prompts

because then there's something right

478

Christine: There's a conversation starter.

479

Right off the bat.

480

Yeah.

481

Alexandra: so my Hinge profile

has been paused since the fall.

482

I think there was a moment where I

was like, I'm going to unpause it, and

483

then Two seconds later, I immediately

paused and I was like, just kidding.

484

I'm not ready for this.

485

I was like, you know, that's my

experience with in person versus dating

486

I think I'm moving a little bit

more towards the idea of I'd

487

like to chat for a little bit and

then make an intention to meet

488

fairly soon so that not that we're

wasting each other's time, but

489

that we can kind of get to it.

490

Christine: Well, I think, I also feel

like the longer you text between your

491

when you match in your first meeting

the more the anticipation builds.

492

So it puts more pressure

on that first meeting.

493

So if things don't, you don't hit it off

right off the bat, then there's like that,

494

there can be that sort of let down almost.

495

So I feel like there's like

a fine line between, and it's

496

different for everybody, right?

497

I think that's what makes this whole

process beautiful and frustrating

498

all at the same time because it

is so different for everybody.

499

Alexandra: Mhm.

500

Mhm.

501

Christine: solution when it comes to this.

502

But yeah, just like.

503

Finding that sweet spot of, okay,

if you are vibing with a person over

504

text, how long do you text before

you make the plans to meet in person?

505

For me in my most recent experience, I

feel like give yourself like a week if

506

you're seeming to have good conversation

with this person and they're engaged in

507

talking with you and Offering like probing

questions to get to know more about

508

you so that when you do meet in person,

one that gives you more things to talk

509

about right off the bat because you've

initiated those questions over text and to

510

Alexandra: And you don't

devolve into talking about the

511

Christine: write or work

or things like that.

512

And then.

513

Yeah, it just sort of makes that

first encounter a little easier.

514

Cause you have

515

this catalog of conversations you've

already had with this person, but

516

also not waiting too long because

then again, like I said if it's not,

517

if the chemistry isn't there or the

vibes off, then it's oh, well I just,

518

Alexandra: Mhm.

519

Christine: set myself up for failure a

little bit there by waiting too long.

520

So

521

Alexandra: Very cool.

522

So, what are challenges or

surprises from recent experiences?

523

Did you experience something

and you're like, okay, this is

524

not the way I thought it was?

525

Or any pleasant

526

Christine: all right.

527

I think I've talked about.

528

I've definitely debriefed you and a lot

of my friends on, like, how I've been

529

feeling since starting this whole process.

530

And, as I've mentioned, I feel like

this is a good area to bring this up.

531

I because my frame of reference, my

personal frame of reference isn't

532

varied and I don't have a whole lot

to draw on, a lot of What I know about

533

love and dating has been on social

media, or from books and movies,

534

which is like a fabric fabricated

535

Alexandra: It's very curated, it's

edited, it's, you know, very tailored,

536

Christine: exactly.

537

It's It's not it's nice.

538

It's a nice fantasy, but it's

not necessarily based in reality.

539

So trying to sort of one,

not second guess myself.

540

I feel like one of the things I've

realized throughout this process so far

541

is I'm a bit confused because I'm trying

to figure out like how I'm feeling.

542

That is such a weird thing.

543

That's such a weird place to be.

544

Can I just say that?

545

Trying to not fully understanding how

you're feeling is a weird spot to be in.

546

And then I start spiraling and I'm like,

why don't I know what, why can't I figure

547

out, why don't I know how I'm feeling?

548

How is this how is that even possible?

549

So

550

Alexandra: then adds so much

more pressure to a date,

551

right?

552

Christine: pressure on everything.

553

Right.

554

So, I've really found it helpful to

have my little debrief sessions with

555

my friends where yeah, I talk about

how my dates have been going, but then

556

I'm also like, what the fuck everyone.

557

don't understand how I don't know how

I'm feeling or like being confused.

558

It's such a weird spot to be in.

559

Cause I've, I personally have always,

I've been lucky to know how I'm

560

feeling or have been able to work

towards work through my feelings.

561

But this is an area where

I'm like, who the fuck knows?

562

So that's been a very, that's been

an unexpected challenge for me.

563

And also just to come back to my point

about You know, what you see on social

564

media or what you read in books or

see in movies and on TV and stuff.

565

I also have my parents that I look

up to as sort of how they met.

566

It's the, how they met was the most

cute, was the cutest meet cute I could

567

have ever, I couldn't believe it.

568

And of course I'm sure part of it is

like, they're your parents and, So

569

you sort of, that's your first frame

of reference when it comes to any

570

sort of romantic relationship, right?

571

Because you're a result

of that partnership.

572

But, okay.

573

So, I'll just briefly say, My

parents met randomly in person.

574

My dad, you know, was, About to get

started on some going out on some job

575

interviews needed to get a haircut

Calls up his typical place Asks for

576

the person he usually sees they're not

available, but they say there's this

577

new stylist who's just started who is

available and guess who that was my

578

Alexandra: you're wrong.

579

Christine: so That's how they met and my

dad Kept going back to see her, eventually

580

asked her out, and the rest is history.

581

Come on, if that is how your parents

meet, puts a lot Okay, I've unex

582

I've unintentionally put a lot of

pressure on myself as a result,

583

because I was like, that is the cutest

way to meet somebody that is fake.

584

Truly, I don't know whether

you believe in it or not.

585

In my opinion, like that

that's a faded encounter.

586

I don't know.

587

Others might disagree.

588

That's how I feel about the matter.

589

So having all of that as

my point of reference for.

590

Going into this has made

it a little difficult.

591

Cause I'm trying to, I'm trying

to work out again, like to my

592

point about being confused.

593

I'm trying to work out how I truly

feel and I have these moments

594

of Oh my God, that was so fun.

595

I really enjoyed myself.

596

We had a great time too.

597

Do I really like this?

598

How am I really feeling?

599

questioning myself, which

is a weird place to be in.

600

So I'll stop talking now.

601

How

602

about you, my dear?

603

Lay it on us.

604

What are the challenges and

surprises you've been faced with?

605

I know I've been on the, I've

been on this ride with you ever

606

since we first been friends, so.

607

Alexandra: yep.

608

She's seen me through some

high highs and some low lows

609

Christine: It's okay, I got you always.

610

Alexandra: surprises.

611

I think it was I actually did meet

somebody on Tinder and he was doing

612

research cause he and a friend were

going to start a dating app based on.

613

Matching people on their common

dislikes or something like

614

that.

615

And we started Snapchatting and

he had asked me about my necklace,

616

which is, as you know, a pentacle

with the phases of the moon.

617

And he asked me about stuff and

he's like, are you into like Satan?

618

Which I was like, that's

not what that's him.

619

And he was very open and it wasn't like

a, well, you must be into weird stuff.

620

But it was a really cool conversation.

621

And I.

622

Not saying he's the one who got away,

but I'm sad that I let that person

623

go in favor of one of the long term

relationships Christine was there with me.

624

You know, the one.

625

Christine: I know, buddy.

626

Yeah.

627

Alexandra: regret that I let that

potential budding relationship end in

628

favor of this one when I went back to

California for a little bit of the summer.

629

So not that I regret it, but I do.

630

Christine: It's a missed

opportunity and you feel like,

631

the what ifs.

632

Alexandra: He was a sweetheart.

633

The sex was pretty decent.

634

It was good He was tall.

635

He was so sweet.

636

I don't know what I was thinking You

know hormones fucking everywhere.

637

Christine: You're also young.

638

You're in your early 20s.

639

You're like,

640

Alexandra: What do I

641

Christine: as I don't, have we

touched on, like, how fucking

642

weird the decade of your 20s is?

643

You're like, five different

people in your 20s, so.

644

Yeah.

645

Alexandra: So that will

be slotted for next year.

646

I'm excited.

647

But on that same vein, the

challenge has been that I'm not

648

Christian, not Muslim or Jewish.

649

So one of the more widely

accepted monotheistic faiths.

650

And a lot of the questions I get are

Actually, one of my recent dating

651

experiences on an app, dating, it was

just talking on the app, and he was asking

652

about my hair color because I've been,

you know, blonde, brunette, redhead, and

653

I tend to go back and forth between those.

654

So I include a bunch of different pictures

of me with different hair on my profile.

655

Christine: it's a game.

656

What, how am I going to look

when you, when I show up?

657

Alexandra: also so people like,

I don't, they don't see me and

658

they go, well, you don't look

659

like that picture where you were blonde.

660

I'm like, I know of.

661

So anyways, he'd ask, he's Oh, I love

redheads, and I was like, well, good for

662

you, because I'm currently a redhead.

663

But then

664

Christine: buddy.

665

Alexandra: he was asking something

and he was like, Oh, you know,

666

Oh, a lot of people here being the

South, North Carolina area, think

667

my necklace is the Star of David.

668

It is not.

669

Count the points.

670

Count the points.

671

And I was like, no.

672

He was like, oh, are you Jewish?

673

And I was like, no, but

I'll give you another guess.

674

He's well, as long as you're not,

he said, pagan or something else.

675

And I was like, joke's on you.

676

I actually am.

677

And then he unmatched me so quickly

678

Christine: Oh,

679

Alexandra: that I had to laugh about it.

680

So that, I would say, is probably,

has been the biggest challenge

681

for me and getting out of my

own head about what I think.

682

A man wants versus what

I so much insecurity.

683

So

684

those have been my challenges.

685

And I think we can probably roll into

686

The next

687

Christine: just say one of the things

that before we move on, sorry, is

688

just like learning that, cause for me

689

it's a, it's almost like a foreign

concept to have sort of these

690

conversations that can end with

somebody unmatching you so Taking the

691

pressure like remembering to that.

692

This doesn't have to be a high stakes

like this isn't a high stakes thing

693

like People you know, like it's

okay that if something comes up in a

694

conversation like oh, you know what?

695

I'm good.

696

Thanks for the time Goodbye,

697

Alexandra: And it's, in some ways

it's almost easier to do that on a

698

dating app, right?

699

Because then the rejection

is not necessarily like

700

in person, which is great.

701

But,

702

Christine: Yeah, also I feel

is that really rejection?

703

I don't, or is it more

704

Alexandra: in the moment I was like,

705

Christine: Well, well yeah, sure, in

that instance like, Oh, I'm, that's

706

definitely, I can see that's rejection,

But if you're, if you realize oh,

707

Alexandra: No, I, Oh, I don't think so.

708

I think it's people just figuring out

what they like and don't like and saying,

709

okay, you know, I don't necessarily want

to spend more time talking with this

710

person if it's not going to go anywhere.

711

Christine: Craving more of our company?

712

Join the fun over on Instagram, TikTok,

and YouTube at Mirror Project Pod.

713

Dive deeper into our world and

engage with us on a whole new level.

714

Don't miss out on the excitement.

715

Alexandra: But I feel like

that rolls next really nicely

716

into the lessons we've learned.

717

In the dating experiences that

we've had so far specifically

718

communication and boundaries.

719

So Christine, what have you learned

about effective communication when you're

720

talking with somebody and dating to how to

set, you know, healthy boundaries within

721

your dating life and other parts of your

what you have to get done every day?

722

Christine: certainly.

723

So, I've learned a lot actually

pretty recently as I've started

724

this up in the last month.

725

I'm definitely the person who Look,

I enjoy flirty banter back and forth,

726

but I think it's also important to just

be like upfront and ask the question

727

of, how's your communication style?

728

Like I, I said, I'm not the best texter.

729

I, you know, once I have a good rapport

with the person, I honestly prefer

730

like a phone call, but I'm open to.

731

Finding a comp, like compromising

in the sense of like finding the

732

best way to, to figure out how to

communicate with someone I'm talking to.

733

So definitely, I like to take

the upfront approach and just

734

ask and be like, so this is me.

735

Where are you at?

736

Can we find either a compromise or

where can we meet in the middle here?

737

And just being really open with that.

738

Also being upfront about.

739

What you're looking for,

I think, is very helpful,

740

not necessarily to put any pressure

on this person you're talking to,

741

but just sort of to give them an

idea, a frame of reference as to

742

what you're trying to achieve, right?

743

What is your ultimate goal?

744

Alexandra: I like that about

745

Hinge because you can set some of those

preferences, like you can say what your,

746

you know, faith or spirituality is,

you can say what type of relationship

747

you're looking for or you can be

like casual but open to long term.

748

So I like that, where you can kind of

go, okay, if this person's really only

749

looking for a hookup and I'm really only

looking for a long term, that's a great

750

way to clearly communicate up front.

751

So I think what you say about

communication styles is so, so

752

important.

753

And when I unpause, I will use that.

754

Christine: I just think

it's really helpful because.

755

Not that you feel, not that it helps

you, feel as though you're not wasting

756

the other person's time, but I think

it's just, it shows how you also, it

757

shows how you would be if things were

to progress and you were to start seeing

758

that person or who knows, maybe end

up in a relationship with that person.

759

I think it's important

to show up how you would.

760

Expect to down the line,

if that makes sense,

761

Just be yourself and

be direct about things.

762

I feel like that's easy for me to say now.

763

I don't think that's how I would have

764

handled things when I would have, if

I was younger and was starting out.

765

Cause you know, I have the experiences

and the knowledge I have now.

766

And anyway but.

767

To your question of how do you

set and respect boundaries?

768

I think like holding yourself and your

person accountable okay, if you agree

769

on, this is what our boundary is going

to be like, say an example, like if

770

you're talking with somebody and you

want to make sure if you're not the

771

best texter and life gets a little busy

and you're talking to somebody, just

772

saying, what if why don't we agree that

this is what we're gonna do, if, and

773

Our day is busy, we'll just check in with

each other at least once a day so that,

774

you know, we each make the effort

to keep showing up for each

775

other just to be like, I'm still

interested, just can't talk right now.

776

Does that make sense?

777

Sorry.

778

Alexandra: Absolutely

779

Christine: but like just.

780

Keeping that line of

communication going and if,

781

if for whatever reason they, the

person doesn't reciprocate or.

782

Looks at you funny or

says, why would we do that?

783

Then that's fine.

784

Then that for you is like a flag

to say, okay that's totally fine.

785

I'm not really interested

in exploring this further.

786

Thank you for your time.

787

But, yeah, I think that's been how

I've, that's been a big thing I've

788

learned so far in this whole process

is I just, I don't have time to not.

789

Be up front with you about stuff.

790

Alexandra: Right.

791

Christine: I don't know your turn.

792

Alexandra: I get that.

793

No, I agree with you in that sense of

I don't have time, so I tend to be a

794

bit more Not overshare, but a bit more

upfront particularly when it comes to

795

the way I believe about things because

that predominantly Christian area and

796

that really bothers some people or they

don't want to be with somebody who isn't

797

a Jesus lover or believes that way.

798

So I would rather cut through some of

the bullshit and say, This is who I am,

799

take it or leave it, and I'm definitely

doing better in saying if they leave

800

it that's fine, nothing really to do

801

Christine: No harm, no

802

Alexandra: own shit.

803

So I would rather be Much

more laid on the table.

804

And I can remember as a teenager

and early in college, my mom would

805

be like, well, you don't have

to share everything right away.

806

And I'm like, okay, I get

where you're coming from, but

807

I also disagree at this point.

808

I just, no, I would rather, you're

either going to like it or you're not.

809

And or you're going to be

okay with it or you're not.

810

I'd rather no, but in terms of

boundaries, if, you know, I'm talking

811

to somebody and I'm not really not

interested in sex with them right

812

away, or that's not, My intention.

813

If somebody starts to text a lot more

about that, or that's really only

814

where the conversation goes, then

I'm much more okay going, Nope, this

815

is not the only thing I'm looking

816

for.

817

And if that's what you want,

then this needs to stop.

818

So, because, you know, I

might want more than that.

819

And if every conversation or every

text message, just, I don't want

820

to say devolves into that, but

devolves into that that's the only

821

thing on the other person's mind.

822

Then I'm like, okay, we're good.

823

Thank you.

824

This is not for me now.

825

So yeah, I'm definitely much more

open about what I will share.

826

And I'd rather share more at front versus

holding back until you know, a couple of

827

the dates or a few weeks in because why?

828

Christine: Yeah.

829

Alexandra: So that's mine.

830

But through this process, what

have you discovered about yourself?

831

Has there been any specific experience

that's helped you learn more about

832

what you like or your preferences?

833

Yeah, if you wanna share

834

Christine: Yeah.

835

I might've alluded to this

already, but this is an area that

836

I don't really know about myself.

837

So I'm learning a lot about who I'm

learning an aspect of myself that up

838

at this point, I just have no idea.

839

I don't know.

840

So that's been really interesting.

841

I'm at times a little confused so being

okay with that or figuring out like

842

taking the pressure off of okay, you're

confused because you typically, I want

843

to be able to work out and figure it out.

844

Find a solution to why I'm feeling

the way I'm feeling or so learning

845

to be learning to get to a place to

Realize this is something I don't

846

necessarily have a whole lot of control

over in terms of like I can only

847

Control how I'm feeling or where how

I show up or things like that there's

848

another person in this equation that

is a complete unknown and I don't

849

necessarily have any control over how they

850

Feel or react or things like that.

851

So to just go through an experience.

852

Also just up until this point, I

don't necessarily meet new people.

853

On a, not a daily basis, but like this

frequently am I meeting new people?

854

So, reintroducing yourself over

and over again, it becomes like an

855

interesting, I can imagine that at a

certain point you feel like you're just,

856

you got a script that you stick to.

857

Right.

858

Alexandra: I think that's the one part

about I so want to be in a relationship.

859

Like I want to be with my person

and build my life with my person.

860

However, I fucking hate.

861

dating and first dates

for that sense, right?

862

Because

863

it's just Oh my

864

gosh, I've done this with this man and

this man, and it just keeps going on.

865

And

866

I'm like, I want to get

past this conversation.

867

Christine: Right.

868

Yeah.

869

So no, it's writing.

870

I think if you.

871

You need to have a good

mindset about it, right?

872

So if at a certain point you if I ever get

to a certain point where I'm feeling like

873

really frustrated and exhausted, and maybe

that's time to just take a little break

874

and take a step back because that's just

how this process works as far as I know.

875

Right.

876

So does that answer the question?

877

Alexandra: I think so.

878

Definitely.

879

Christine: all right.

880

How about you?

881

Alexandra: Ooh.

882

Okay.

883

Let's see if I can do

this pretty rapid fire.

884

I will say from the most recent dating

experiences, I've learned more about

885

exactly what I'm looking for in a partner.

886

What I'm willing and want for myself.

887

I also can't expect the person

I'm dating to put value in me

888

if I don't put value in myself.

889

So that's been a huge thing that I've

been working on in therapy because

890

how can I can't expect somebody else

to replace my own value because I

891

don't have that value in myself.

892

So working a lot on myself

has been helpful and not

893

having to do that on top of.

894

Trying to date has been nice and allowed

me to focus more on myself of figuring

895

out what I want sexually in a partner

I feel has been a thing that's come

896

up when you know previous dating kind

of talking well granted That's I think

897

I've mentioned before it's been a while

898

But kind of feeling ashamed for

liking certain things or not liking

899

certain things and really figuring out

what I want and what I'm okay with.

900

I think I've definitely come into contact

in terms of social media content that

901

is more aligned and I feel like, okay,

you know, other people, you know, men

902

are looking for girls who are like

this and then trying to work out being

903

okay with what I like or something.

904

Even about how I feel about my body.

905

I think the biggest thing And why I

probably wasn't attracting men that

906

I was physically attracted to and had

good conversation with was probably

907

because I didn't know who the fuck I was.

908

Not saying I completely know who I

was, but I feel more aligned as a

909

being now than I did even last fall.

910

I've done so much work on

911

myself that I ki I have

more value in myself.

912

I know where I'm going.

913

I believe I can get there.

914

Kind of figuring out what I really

want dating and saying Hey, I

915

don't care if other people think.

916

So I think that's a lot of the life

lessons that I've learned about it

917

and really trying to work on my own

value and that I am enough as I am that

918

I'll meet somebody who matches that.

919

So I feel like that's my personal growth

out of experiences in dating and love.

920

So learning to love myself

is a huge thing that I've

921

Christine: Yes.

922

Yes,

923

Alexandra: because of dating experiences.

924

Christine: That was a big thing

we talked about in the love

925

seasons episode to I think

926

not only do you owe that to yourself,

but when you enter into a relationship

927

it's a true partnership, right?

928

And not you're not going to be.

929

Yeah you're not going to I think knowing

yourself is really important, but also

930

you're on this personal growth journey

because when you are ready to get back

931

into this crazy wild world you have, you

know, you have this understanding about

932

what you really want, as you've said,

933

so that honestly is a really valuable

thing to have But I think also it's okay

934

if you're like, for instance, for me, I've

started this journey and I don't really

935

know, so I'm figuring it out as I go.

936

I think we were each and we're each coming

at this from a different perspective,

937

and it'll be interesting for us to

sort of come back to this conversation.

938

Next year or down the line to

sort of see how both of our

939

approaches have turned out.

940

Alexandra: because this is

definitely not the approach I

941

had when we were in college.

942

Okay.

943

I know we briefly touched upon it, I

think, in Love Seasons and in other

944

episodes, but rejection and ghosting.

945

How do you handle being

rejected or ghosted?

946

Christine: So

947

I think I'm, I mentioned

it a little while ago.

948

Like

949

I thankfully haven't had too many

situations of being rejected or

950

ghosted necessarily, but to your

point about you start talking to

951

somebody and they just unmatch you

or like when things like that happen.

952

Learning that to not take

that with a grain of take that

953

situation with a grain of salt.

954

Yeah, it stings and it kind of sucks.

955

Yeah, but that's just okay, moving on.

956

So, I don't really have much

to comment on this question in

957

particular, just because I don't

have a whole lot, but how about you,

958

Alexandra?

959

How have you handled a

rejection or being ghosted?

960

Alexandra: probably not as well as

I could have in the past I think

961

because I had a, you know, a lot of

stuff I had to work on myself with.

962

And I think Sometimes facing that

rejection opened up some of that and kind

963

of made me feel less secure and kind of

shot my self esteem through the foot.

964

Because again, I was looking for

what my value was in other people.

965

So I think A lot of the work that

I've been doing has helped me

966

better handle critiques, criticism

in other areas of my life.

967

So I think it'll help me more in this.

968

I think we've definitely mentioned

it in the love seasons that

969

I'm not a huge fan of ghosting.

970

However, I do take responsibility for

the fact that I have unintentionally

971

intentionally ghosted somebody in

my more recent dating experiences.

972

So that was not the best.

973

And I.

974

I don't want to do that to another person,

and I don't want to experience that.

975

Honestly, like I've said before, I'd

really rather, if you're not interested,

976

just say, Hey, I'm sorry, I'm not

interested, and you can unmatch me,

977

that's fine, but at least I'll know.

978

I think people might think I'm ghosting

them because, as we've established,

979

we are both terrible texters.

980

I get really busy, and then I'll see a

message, I'll think I'll respond, not

981

respond, and then it just sits there for

982

a while.

983

Or I'll see a message, I'm like,

I don't have time to respond, so I

984

don't respond, and things go that

985

way.

986

So, I think being clear up front, I'm

communicating that I'm A very busy

987

person.

988

Now that I'm not interested,

but I might take a little while

989

to respond.

990

So in that case, sometimes meeting

a person more quickly is better for

991

me because then it can be yay or

992

nay and then figuring it out.

993

So yes, I hope never to unintentionally

intentionally go with somebody

994

Christine: No, definitely.

995

I think for me and where I'm at, like I

had mentioned, throwing it out there,

996

like just checking in with each other

because setting the expectation of I'm

997

gonna come back to this conversation.

998

I just, I can't right now,

but acknowledging that they

999

reached out kind of a thing.

00:47:44,786 --> 00:47:47,356

So it takes a minute to just say oh, hi.

00:47:47,636 --> 00:47:48,746

I'll come back to this.

00:47:49,096 --> 00:47:50,356

Just really busy right now.

00:47:50,716 --> 00:47:51,946

Just so that they know.

00:47:52,556 --> 00:47:57,741

I feel good about, just so everybody

feels good, everyone feels acknowledged.

00:47:57,981 --> 00:47:58,611

And.

00:47:59,031 --> 00:48:02,845

We'll come back to this conversation at a

later time when we both have the ability

00:48:02,845 --> 00:48:05,702

to continue this further, kind of a thing.

00:48:06,039 --> 00:48:09,179

Alexandra: Before we roll into the

next set of things, I wanted to jump

00:48:09,189 --> 00:48:11,069

back to boundaries and communication.

00:48:11,409 --> 00:48:14,350

I think one of the boundaries I'm

getting better at communicating

00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:18,390

clearly and sticking more firm to

is not giving my phone number out.

00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:20,750

I don't have a Snapchat, don't

really want to re download it.

00:48:21,030 --> 00:48:21,900

Not interested in that.

00:48:22,230 --> 00:48:25,660

So if you're like, Oh, do you have

a Snapchat or can I text you now?

00:48:25,710 --> 00:48:30,110

So I usually, I think my thing now is

I don't want to text, give my phone

00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:35,670

number out and talk off app like hinge

or whatever until I've gone out with

00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:36,110

somebody.

00:48:36,550 --> 00:48:40,280

Because then it's okay, I know

this person, it might go somewhere.

00:48:40,610 --> 00:48:42,970

And I have definitely fallen into

the trap of feeling like, oh, I

00:48:42,970 --> 00:48:44,390

should get my phone number out.

00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:46,040

So that is a boundary that I'm,

00:48:46,230 --> 00:48:47,410

I've worked on and will

00:48:47,550 --> 00:48:48,870

Christine: That's one I have too.

00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:50,500

I think I feel the same way on that.

00:48:50,510 --> 00:48:54,370

Let's meet and then from there

we can mutually agree like, oh

00:48:54,370 --> 00:48:57,992

yeah let, it might just be better

for us to communicate off app.

00:48:59,032 --> 00:48:59,282

Alexandra: Yes.

00:48:59,602 --> 00:49:00,022

Right.

00:49:00,232 --> 00:49:03,372

Christine: So, I agree, that's a good

one, and thank you for bringing that up.

00:49:04,172 --> 00:49:07,862

Alright let's roll into this next and

final section that we're going to talk

00:49:07,872 --> 00:49:10,252

about what we're looking for in a partner.

00:49:10,822 --> 00:49:16,562

So, Alexandra, tell us, what are

your non negotiables in a partner?

00:49:16,932 --> 00:49:17,352

Alexandra: Okay.

00:49:17,402 --> 00:49:18,312

Non negotiables.

00:49:18,792 --> 00:49:22,542

Don't want somebody who shuts down and

doesn't communicate because I'm realizing

00:49:22,582 --> 00:49:27,608

as, you know, every experience I have

communication is so important What you

00:49:27,608 --> 00:49:29,068

want what you don't want what you like?

00:49:29,828 --> 00:49:33,518

And even people I don't want people who

run away from the really uncomfortable

00:49:33,518 --> 00:49:36,752

conversations and uncomfortable because

they're awkward Not negotiable if they

00:49:36,752 --> 00:49:42,092

have to be okay and maybe open to the

spirituality that I have in my life as I

00:49:42,092 --> 00:49:46,251

would so based on that, I'm not totally

ruling out very religious Christians,

00:49:46,301 --> 00:49:47,641

but that has not been my experience.

00:49:47,801 --> 00:49:52,121

So non negotiable is just being much

more open spiritually and therefore how

00:49:52,231 --> 00:49:53,891

we would potentially raise children.

00:49:54,281 --> 00:49:55,911

Deal breaker is somebody

who doesn't respect me.

00:49:56,501 --> 00:50:00,551

Deal breaker is somebody who doesn't

have ambitions that are more in line

00:50:00,681 --> 00:50:01,721

With my own.

00:50:01,981 --> 00:50:02,431

So

00:50:03,091 --> 00:50:07,231

somebody who's greatest ambition is

to not be a bum, deal breaker for me.

00:50:07,551 --> 00:50:09,211

That is my own personal deal breaker.

00:50:09,841 --> 00:50:11,111

So Christine, what about you?

00:50:11,121 --> 00:50:13,691

What are the non negotiables and the deal

00:50:13,731 --> 00:50:17,651

Christine: Well, honestly, I agree with

all of the things, the points you've made.

00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:19,581

I and they are.

00:50:20,321 --> 00:50:24,331

Non negotiables and deal breakers

for myself to your point about clear

00:50:24,331 --> 00:50:26,571

communication, not shutting down.

00:50:27,021 --> 00:50:30,321

I myself can sometimes get into that.

00:50:30,351 --> 00:50:32,611

That can be my default

is like I shut down.

00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:35,191

So knowing that about myself and.

00:50:36,176 --> 00:50:40,276

Knowing that's not how I want to

show up in a situation is crucial.

00:50:40,526 --> 00:50:45,446

And communicating that to the best of my

ability to to the person I'm seeing or

00:50:45,446 --> 00:50:48,786

dating or is my partner, things like that.

00:50:49,096 --> 00:50:52,076

Alexandra: I think it's also fair to

say that if somebody reacts in anger

00:50:52,076 --> 00:50:53,206

in a moment to say we're going to take

00:50:53,206 --> 00:50:54,526

a step away from this conversation.

00:50:54,526 --> 00:50:55,306

We're going to go

00:50:55,361 --> 00:50:55,631

Christine: yes.

00:50:55,951 --> 00:50:56,981

Alexandra: To our corners and then we'll

00:50:57,046 --> 00:51:01,033

Christine: that to me is a big thing

just based on past experiences.

00:51:01,193 --> 00:51:01,883

I don't.

00:51:03,433 --> 00:51:08,455

Well, when I met with anger,

so communicating, okay,

00:51:08,755 --> 00:51:10,605

we're both Tension is high.

00:51:10,925 --> 00:51:12,025

Anger is running.

00:51:12,085 --> 00:51:17,665

Hi, we need to take a moment, go

to our separate corners and then

00:51:17,665 --> 00:51:21,046

come back together and revisit

this conversation at a later date.

00:51:21,066 --> 00:51:23,136

But I also understand that.

00:51:23,550 --> 00:51:24,980

I have a lot to learn in this area.

00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,270

So there's going to be a lot of

trial and error things that I'm still

00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:32,700

also figuring out what are my deal

breakers and non negotiables to your

00:51:32,700 --> 00:51:35,870

point about respect, like absolutely.

00:51:36,030 --> 00:51:36,790

I sometimes

00:51:37,153 --> 00:51:41,873

struggle with the idea that respect

is earned, not get The idea there's,

00:51:42,223 --> 00:51:45,203

I think two rules of thought when

it comes to respect that it's earned

00:51:45,643 --> 00:51:47,883

or that it's given and can be lost.

00:51:48,283 --> 00:51:52,323

If that makes sense, like depending on

a person's actions, my point is there's

00:51:52,373 --> 00:51:55,583

a certain amount of respect when you're

entering into a situation that you're

00:51:55,583 --> 00:51:57,113

meeting somebody the first time, right?

00:51:57,133 --> 00:52:01,073

Like you have an open mind and there's a

certain level of respect of you're another

00:52:01,073 --> 00:52:02,993

human just trying to figure this out.

00:52:03,013 --> 00:52:05,943

And I, and From that point on

you will continue to earn my

00:52:05,943 --> 00:52:07,443

respect, if that makes sense.

00:52:07,473 --> 00:52:12,223

I have respect for you coming into

the situation, and either that respect

00:52:12,223 --> 00:52:13,648

will grow, or that respect won't grow.

00:52:13,888 --> 00:52:15,938

Will not grow.

00:52:15,938 --> 00:52:21,298

Um, Sorry, I'm voicing these

thoughts for the first time.

00:52:21,298 --> 00:52:23,818

So I'm trying to figure out

how to communicate them.

00:52:23,858 --> 00:52:26,248

So thank you for bearing with

me, everyone who's listening

00:52:26,268 --> 00:52:27,428

and especially Alexandra.

00:52:27,428 --> 00:52:30,768

Who's looking at me like, all

right, Christine, what's your point?

00:52:32,518 --> 00:52:32,938

Sorry.

00:52:32,948 --> 00:52:33,418

Alexandra: No, you're

00:52:33,488 --> 00:52:33,948

good.

00:52:34,018 --> 00:52:34,378

No.

00:52:34,838 --> 00:52:35,818

Christine: but yeah, I.

00:52:36,618 --> 00:52:39,758

Agree, as I've said, I agree

with the points you've made.

00:52:39,788 --> 00:52:43,258

Those are definitely my

non negotiables as well.

00:52:43,568 --> 00:52:48,182

And let's revisit this question

and see how it's changed.

00:52:48,202 --> 00:52:50,732

I'm sure I'm going to have

a better understanding the

00:52:50,772 --> 00:52:52,627

longer I continue dating.

00:52:52,627 --> 00:52:54,467

So let's come back to that one.

00:52:56,057 --> 00:52:56,717

Alexandra: Sure.

00:52:56,877 --> 00:52:57,487

Okay.

00:52:57,787 --> 00:53:03,217

So, some long term goals and values

that you want in your life's partner.

00:53:03,811 --> 00:53:07,148

Christine: Ultimately I

want children one day.

00:53:07,328 --> 00:53:09,588

I want to.

00:53:10,398 --> 00:53:13,468

I think I want to ultimately

get married as well.

00:53:13,808 --> 00:53:19,458

So whoever I end up dating, like

knowing that's my ultimate end goal

00:53:19,458 --> 00:53:21,058

and hopefully that is theirs as well.

00:53:21,368 --> 00:53:24,353

So those I think are

like the major things.

00:53:25,333 --> 00:53:28,603

That's my ultimate goal at the end

of this is I find a partner that I

00:53:28,603 --> 00:53:31,863

want to spend the rest of my life

with that I want to have children

00:53:31,863 --> 00:53:35,060

with and that we figure out what.

00:53:35,900 --> 00:53:40,100

That means for the both of us individually

and as a couple, if that makes sense.

00:53:40,150 --> 00:53:44,110

I think that especially children is

an area where a lot of people have

00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:50,520

pretty distinct views and expectations

on how they want that, how they want

00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:54,556

to raise children, how they want

to so understanding that's an area

00:53:54,556 --> 00:53:57,566

that we need to agree upon mutually.

00:53:57,606 --> 00:54:01,906

And I think there's going to be a

lot of give and take in that area.

00:54:01,966 --> 00:54:06,340

Because hopefully I'm in a relationship

where there's a lot of love and respect.

00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:11,130

So realizing like we might not agree

wholeheartedly, but that we're willing

00:54:11,130 --> 00:54:13,410

to figure out what works for us in that,

00:54:13,775 --> 00:54:14,295

so.

00:54:15,100 --> 00:54:18,188

There's a lot more that I could

talk on about this, I think, but

00:54:18,188 --> 00:54:21,958

I think I need to figure figure

that those out a little bit more.

00:54:21,958 --> 00:54:23,438

So that's where I'm going

to leave it for now.

00:54:25,098 --> 00:54:25,708

How about you?

00:54:26,620 --> 00:54:27,050

Alexandra: Okay.

00:54:27,190 --> 00:54:33,620

So, long term goals are marriage,

children Traveling with my partner

00:54:33,620 --> 00:54:37,000

and potentially our kids when

they're older so that they remember

00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,600

and enjoy experiencing new things.

00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:41,500

Long term girls is aligning.

00:54:41,700 --> 00:54:46,240

This is going to sound maybe strange,

kind of sexually and intimately

00:54:46,270 --> 00:54:48,400

being very open and passionate.

00:54:48,660 --> 00:54:53,300

Not that my parents weren't, but I don't

often remember seeing them kissing, and so

00:54:53,330 --> 00:54:55,180

it was kind of weird to see them later do

00:54:55,180 --> 00:54:55,430

that.

00:54:55,720 --> 00:54:57,420

So I want, I don't want

my kids to have that.

00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:00,250

Oh, mom and dad are kissing, that's

so weird, or they're holding hands.

00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,229

So I would like to be a little bit more

openly affectionate with my parents.

00:55:03,679 --> 00:55:07,639

Partner love for us to share some

of that same spiritual thought

00:55:07,639 --> 00:55:09,399

and belief that I have together.

00:55:09,539 --> 00:55:11,779

That was a value I'd like to

have, or at least being open

00:55:11,779 --> 00:55:15,259

to experiencing each other's

different beliefs and incorporating

00:55:15,259 --> 00:55:16,439

that into our lives together.

00:55:16,884 --> 00:55:21,182

Similar goals in terms of ambition

traveling, love to have a house

00:55:21,232 --> 00:55:26,227

together that we design and, you

know, host Family parties and

00:55:26,277 --> 00:55:30,767

friends and expanding the circle

support and respect are huge values.

00:55:31,237 --> 00:55:33,597

I'm sure there's things that

I am totally forgetting.

00:55:33,947 --> 00:55:37,437

But as much as I support that

person and their career and.

00:55:37,872 --> 00:55:38,662

You know, passions.

00:55:39,032 --> 00:55:41,048

I'd like that same support support.

00:55:41,138 --> 00:55:43,678

I am like now blanking, but

those are the big things.

00:55:43,678 --> 00:55:48,108

And how do I ensure that when I'm, when

we're talking about dating is just being

00:55:48,348 --> 00:55:52,188

very clear and communicating some of the

long term goals, it doesn't have to be

00:55:52,188 --> 00:55:55,928

into the nitty gritty of everything about

it, but what are my long term expectations

00:55:55,928 --> 00:56:00,348

of a relationship or what am I looking for

to see what other person aligns with that.

00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:01,530

But yeah.

00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:08,370

Somebody who will work with me when I'm,

I don't want to say overly emotional,

00:56:08,370 --> 00:56:12,050

but when I'm working through something

or trying to work on myself, another

00:56:12,050 --> 00:56:14,580

huge value is importance of our health.

00:56:14,830 --> 00:56:15,890

I am.

00:56:17,765 --> 00:56:19,935

Mental health and physical

health and fitness.

00:56:20,205 --> 00:56:23,235

Those are things that are becoming

and have been so important to me.

00:56:23,755 --> 00:56:25,065

And that I'm constantly working on.

00:56:25,065 --> 00:56:27,535

It doesn't have to be like the

most physically fit person all

00:56:27,545 --> 00:56:31,005

the time, but somebody who that is

an importance to them is super is

00:56:31,005 --> 00:56:32,375

something I've been looking for.

00:56:32,495 --> 00:56:32,715

Yeah.

00:56:33,899 --> 00:56:34,249

So

00:56:34,609 --> 00:56:35,249

Christine: definitely.

00:56:35,710 --> 00:56:39,640

Alexandra: how do you gauge compatibility

and chemistry with somebody new?

00:56:40,650 --> 00:56:41,160

Christine: I don't know.

00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:45,520

I'm still figuring that out, for sure.

00:56:45,570 --> 00:56:49,232

I feel like how do I gauge

compatibility with someone new?

00:56:52,392 --> 00:56:53,462

That's a great question.

00:56:53,512 --> 00:56:55,022

I think ultimately.

00:56:55,543 --> 00:56:57,343

Comfortability right off the bat.

00:56:57,423 --> 00:56:58,463

Are we

00:56:59,093 --> 00:57:05,393

at ease with one another or cause I

think as first date awkwardness is

00:57:05,393 --> 00:57:08,173

always going to be a thing because you're

meeting somebody for the first time.

00:57:08,173 --> 00:57:09,523

So you're like trying to feel it out.

00:57:09,523 --> 00:57:11,951

You're trying to figure

out how to be yourself.

00:57:11,981 --> 00:57:17,661

But also I think like just knowing

that it's going to be a little awkward.

00:57:18,611 --> 00:57:19,691

Helps significantly.

00:57:19,731 --> 00:57:21,781

So, are gauging compatibility?

00:57:22,181 --> 00:57:23,561

How comfortable are we?

00:57:23,871 --> 00:57:25,001

Is there.

00:57:25,885 --> 00:57:28,195

One of one of the things I.

00:57:28,910 --> 00:57:32,320

That's just important to me, is

approaching situations with humor

00:57:32,330 --> 00:57:38,720

knowing that and being able to

laugh that just sort of helps me go

00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:42,020

through situations that are slightly

uncomfortable, or awkward, and