Do you ever feel like your own thoughts are holding you back?

In this episode Sarah explores how to turn your inner critic - the voice that fuels self-doubt and fear into your inner coach, the supportive inner voice that helps you thrive as a leader.

Sarah unpacks why this critical voice exists (spoiler: your brain’s trying to keep you safe!) and shares practical steps to quieten the self-criticism and strengthen your confidence.

You’ll learn how to recognise your inner critic, respond with compassion, and build a more empowering internal dialogue that helps you lead with clarity, courage, and calm.

Show Notes

[00:00:00] Welcome & Introduction

[00:01:00] Series Focus on Confidence

This episode kicks off a mini-series on confidence, exploring one of its biggest obstacles: the inner critic.

[00:02:00] The Power of the Inner Critic

How self-critical thoughts like “you’re not good enough” or “you’ll fail” affect confidence, performance, and relationships at work.

[00:03:00] Normalising the Inner Critic

Everyone has an inner critic, even confident leaders. The key difference is how we manage it.

[00:04:00] Why We Have an Inner Critic

A neuroscience perspective: the limbic brain is wired to keep us safe by scanning for risk—especially emotional risk and uses self-criticism to stop us taking action.

[00:06:00] Case Study: Toni’s Story

Sarah shares Toni’s experience, a senior leader driven by perfectionism and self-doubt, and how learning to coach herself helped prevent burnout.

[00:07:30] Step 1: Notice the Voice

Start by observing your inner critic. What does it say? When does it appear? Writing these thoughts down helps create awareness and perspective.

[00:09:00] Step 2: Recognise You Have a Choice

You can choose how you speak to yourself. Developing self-compassion is a superpower - talk to yourself as you would a close friend.

[00:10:00] Understanding the Brain’s Intention

Your critic’s goal is protection, not punishment. Acknowledge it's fear instead of fighting it.

[00:11:00] Step 3: Change the Dialogue

Learn to reframe negative thoughts into constructive self-talk. Example: turning “I can’t do that” into “How can I do that?”

[00:12:00] Real-Life Example: Reframing Burnout Fear

A client learns to thank her inner critic for trying to protect her, while reassuring it that she’s now equipped with better boundaries and resilience.

[00:13:00] Step 4: Strengthen Your Inner Coach

Amplify your supportive inner voice by gathering evidence of your strengths, achievements, and positive feedback.

[00:15:00] Tools to Boost Your Inner Coach

• Keep an achievement journal
• Practice positive self-talk and affirmations
• Surround yourself with uplifting content - books, podcasts, music, and meditation

[00:16:00] Balancing Compassion & Confidence

You don’t need to silence your inner critic, just let it relax while your inner coach takes the lead.

[00:17:00] Recap & Reflection

Sarah summarises the four steps:

1. Notice your inner critic
2. Choose compassion
3. Reframe your self-talk
4. Strengthen your inner coach

[00:18:00] Closing Message

If you’d like personalised support in developing your inner coach, reach out via careertreecoaching.co.uk.

Remember: You are capable of more than you know. Shine brightly, lead boldly, and be unstoppable.

Useful Links

Sign up for Weekly Career Inspiration

Learn about Leadership & Advancement Coaching Programmes

Book a Free 121 Clarity Call

Join The Love What You Do Facebook Group

Connect with Sarah on LinkedIn

Rate & Review the Podcast

If you found this episode of Unstuck & Unstoppable helpful, please do rate and review it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

If you're kind enough to leave a review, please do let Sarah know so she can say thank you. You can always reach her at: sarah@careertreecoaching.co.uk

Mentioned in this episode:

Free Webinar

https://www.careertreecoaching.co.uk/imposter-syndrome-webinar

Welcome to Unstuck and Unstoppable,

the podcast for ambitious female

2

leaders who want to create more impact,

income, and influence in their careers.

3

feel connected to their passion

and purpose, but without

4

selling out or burning out.

5

I'm Sarah Archer, a leadership coach

and career strategist, helping women

6

like you thrive in leadership roles

while staying true to your values.

7

I'm the founder of CareerTree

Coaching and have over 15 years of

8

coaching experience and significant HR

leadership experience to share with you.

9

I know as a female leader it can

be hard to find time to focus

10

on your career aspirations.

11

The day job can be all consuming.

12

Plus, no matter how senior you are,

there are always going to be times

13

when you feel stuck, when you have

self doubt, or feel like an imposter.

14

And that's where unstuck

and unstoppable comes in.

15

Each week I'll be sharing practical

strategies, insightful interviews and

16

inspiring stories to help you boost

your confidence, lead with purpose

17

and achieve sustainable success.

18

If you're ready to stop playing

small and unlock the incredible

19

potential you have within you and feel

unstoppable, you're in the right place.

20

Let's get started.

21

Hello and welcome to episode 51.

22

I'm really pleased as always,

that you're joining me today.

23

Now I've got a few episodes coming

up that are all linked to confidence

24

because I know that it's one of the

cornerstones of being a successful leader.

25

So I thought I would do a little

run of episodes that talking all

26

about building your confidence and

today's episode is one of those.

27

It's about how to turn your inner

critic into your inner coach.

28

Because, while we might want to

be our best cheerleader, often

29

we are our own worst critic.

30

And I'm guessing if you are

tuning in today it's because your

31

critic is getting in the way.

32

When you think about what it

says to you, it'll be things

33

like, you're not good enough.

34

You can't do this.

35

You're gonna fail.

36

And the impact of that can be

really considerable over time.

37

It can affect your self-esteem and

obviously your career confidence.

38

It can also affect your mental

health because it can increase

39

your anxiety and your stress.

40

It can impact your professional

relationships because.

41

You might hold yourself back from

connecting with certain people.

42

You might feel inhibited about

having certain conversations.

43

You might misinterpret conversations

'cause of that inner chatter.

44

it can get in the way of you achieving

both your personal and professional goals

45

because you can self-sabotage, you can

procrastinate because of the self-doubt

46

that is perpetuated by your inner critic.

47

I guess the first thing I wanted to

say is I wanted to normalize it in

48

that everybody has an inner critic.

49

So even if you think about the most

confident person, they will have an

50

inner critic, but the difference is

how they actually manage that critic.

51

And that's what we're

gonna talk about today.

52

And that ability to manage your inner

critic is the root of confidence because,

53

your inner critic impacts how you present

in the world, how you show up in the

54

world, how you interact in the world.

55

If we can change that inner critic into

an inner coach, that will ultimately

56

change how you show up in the world and

how you interact in the world as well.

57

What I would say is that, a lot

of the clients that I've worked

58

with a lot of them senior leaders,

experience this self-doubt that's

59

perpetuated by the inner critic.

60

And I'm gonna share some of the techniques

that I use with them today with you.

61

And I've also written a book

called Developing Your Inner

62

Coach, which I will put a link to.

63

If you wanted to read more about

some of the techniques, you can

64

access that through my book.

65

But let's just try and understand why do

we have an inner critic, why have we got

66

this voice in our head that is, saying

all these really unhelpful things to us.

67

And what we know from neuroscience is

that the primary purpose of the limbic

68

or primal brain is to keep us safe.

69

So it's to keep us alive,

essentially alive and safe, and

70

therefore it's scans for risk.

71

So it's constantly scanning

for potential risk.

72

And our physical risks are much lower

now, and so what it's programmed to

73

scan for most now is emotional risks.

74

So situations where you might be

vulnerable, situations where you

75

might be exposed, situations that

are going to potentially lead to.

76

A negative outcome for

you as it perceives it.

77

And what's important to notice

here as well is that some

78

people have a higher risk bias.

79

We all have a risk bias, but

some people will tend to have

80

a higher negative risk bias.

81

So that's probably useful for you

to notice whether you tend to fall

82

into that higher negative risk bias.

83

And so what the brain

does,, it's identified that.

84

Potential risk situation, it

will use your inner critic to

85

get you to stop taking action.

86

And it uses the inner critic because

the inner critic is privy to all

87

your deepest, darkest, secret fears.

88

And therefore, it will use those fears to

get you to stop taking action, to withdraw

89

from that interview for that next role.

90

To say no to that opportunity to do X or Y

to create enough doubt for you not to push

91

yourself forward in whatever it might be.

92

And it speaks from fear, which

is why it's so unpleasant to have

93

this inner critic in your ear.

94

And that's why we want to reduce

the power of the inner critic and

95

amplify the inner coach because

you do have an inner coach as well.

96

And I want to just.

97

Tell you a little bit about a

client that I worked with who

98

had a very powerful inner critic.

99

This is Tony and she worked in a very

senior planning role and she had an inner

100

critic that told her a lot of the time

that the work she did wasn't good enough,

101

that she wasn't good enough, and it spoke

to her tendencies for perfectionism.

102

And that insecurity around perfectionism.

103

And you can probably see there's

lots of crossovers within a critic

104

and other confidence challenges.

105

And a lot of people in Tony's.

106

World where reliance on her

piece of work to be able to get

107

on with their piece of work.

108

And this put an enormous amount of

pressure on her, particularly as

109

her inner critic was saying, you've

got to do it to this high standard.

110

It's gotta be perfect.

111

You've got to work longer hours

to get it to that standard.

112

You're never gonna be able to meet

their demands, their expectations,

113

and this was just causing her.

114

A huge amount of stress and, she

was getting close to burnout.

115

And what we had to do was use some of

the techniques that I'm gonna share with

116

you today to help her flip her narrative

and to be more of an inner coach.

117

Now, I'm gonna share with you

various steps that you can

118

use to kickstart this process.

119

But I want to caveat this in that,

if you think about how long your

120

inner critic has been vocal for.

121

This is a 15 minute session.

122

We're not gonna be able to flip it into

an inner coach in a 15 minute session.

123

It's gonna take work and energy

and commitment to doing it.

124

But what I want you to know is that it's

really possible to quieten your inner

125

critic and amplify your inner coach.

126

So it is possible and you can maybe just

start experimenting with some of these

127

ideas and see what emerges for you.

128

The first step is to notice the voice

and what it's actually saying to you,

129

and write down what it's saying to you.

130

Often because we've had our inner

critic around for so long we

131

stop noticing how horrible it is.

132

It's just constantly there.

133

Those thoughts are popping into our

heads and we're not really, paying

134

attentions consciously, but obviously

it's having an unconscious impact on us.

135

So by being able to write it down

we can get some perspective on it.

136

Goodness am I saying

those things to myself.

137

They're really unkind and

horrible and not nice.

138

And you can just start to notice also,

when that inner critic is most vocal is

139

it there all the time with everything

you do, or is it triggered by certain

140

situations that you are engaging in?

141

Does it become louder when you're about

to step out of your comfort zone or when

142

you're doing a particular activity or

interacting with a particular person?

143

So noticing the triggers can be

really helpful or just noticing

144

that it's constantly there.

145

Then step two is recognizing

that you have a choice.

146

So you have a choice about

how you speak to yourself.

147

And that's important because

that's recognizing that you

148

have the power to change this.

149

Then to engage in self-compassion

because self-compassion is a superpower.

150

If you look at how you tend to

speak to yourself through your inner

151

critic, it's not compassionate at all.

152

It's really harsh and not nice.

153

And so what we can do is to use something

called perceptual positions to step

154

outta this being about us and look at how

you're speaking to yourself and think.

155

Gosh, if my best friend was

speaking to themselves like

156

that, what would I say to them?

157

And you wouldn't reinforce all

the things your inner critic is

158

saying to you, you wouldn't, you'd

be saying some really encouraging,

159

some really nurturing, some really

supportive things to your best friend.

160

Being able to think about, okay,

how would I speak to my best friend?

161

That's how I want to speak to myself.

162

Going forward.

163

Then we can think about being

intentional, which is step three.

164

But before that, we also want to

acknowledge our brain's intention.

165

So we know that our brain

wants to keep us safe.

166

And so acknowledging that inner critic

is coming from a place of fear and

167

being afraid by being compassionate

to our inner critic rather than.

168

Telling staff is also really powerful.

169

Just acknowledging, your brain's

trying to do its primary job,

170

which is to keep you safe.

171

I'll explain a bit more how

that might look in a minute.

172

So step three is then to be really

conscious and intentional because

173

we want to change the dialogue.

174

We want to change the narrative,

the conversation that you have

175

with yourself and reframe it

into more positive dialogue.

176

Let me give you little example

of what that might be like.

177

I worked with a client who had

a a really horrible burnout

178

experience in a senior role.

179

And it was a while ago.

180

But she was feeling she wanted to

reengage with more senior roles.

181

So she was starting to apply for jobs, but

what she noticed was every time she did.

182

Her inner dialogue was really

negative, and it was telling

183

her, don't apply for those jobs.

184

Why are you putting

yourself in that position?

185

You're going to burn out again.

186

You're going to experience all those

horrible things that happened last time.

187

Don't do it.

188

Stay where you are.

189

It's safe, it's comfortable, and so she

was finding it really hard to put the

190

applications in, and the thought of an

interview is just completely terrifying.

191

So what we worked on was changing

that narrative to remind herself

192

actually that she changed.

193

The dialogue went something like this.

194

First of all, thank you brain or

whatever you call your inner critic,

195

I know you're trying to keep you safe.

196

I know you're trying to protect

me, but you don't need to worry.

197

So you're reassuring the other critic.

198

You don't need to worry because.

199

I'm a different person to that person

who suffered burnout three years ago.

200

I've got lots of strategies and techniques

now to keep myself safe, to support

201

myself, and to look after myself.

202

Plus this job.

203

I've looked at the job description.

204

It looks like it's really doable.

205

I don't feel like it's going

to be overly stressful.

206

I've looked at the organization,

they've got a really strong wellbeing

207

policy, and from what I know about

my line manager, they seem someone

208

that I could get on really well with

and would be really supportive of me.

209

So the narrative is just reassuring.

210

It's really compassionate.

211

It's , reassuring you that actually you've

got strategies, you've got strengths that

212

you are going to be okay, and therefore

your inner critic can just relax a

213

bit, which is what we're aiming for.

214

So we wanna change that dialogue and we

can do that also by noticing from that

215

first step, when you are writing down

what's your inner critic saying that you

216

can practice replacing phrases as well.

217

So if you have thoughts

about, I'm not good enough.

218

Consciously going, no, I am good enough.

219

And replacing the phrase.

220

So if you say to

yourself, I can't do that.

221

Replacing it with, how can I do that?

222

Or You'll never succeed, you can do this.

223

So listening to what you're saying

and choosing to replace the thought.

224

Now, obviously this takes time

because your negative inner a critic,

225

has been vocal for a long time.

226

It's developed thought patterns

that have become entrenched.

227

So it has to work really hard then to

put these new thoughts and embed them

228

into your brain, into your consciousness.

229

But like I said, it's definitely possible.

230

Once you've done those first three

steps, the step four is to think

231

about strengthening your inner coach.

232

Because she's in there, but

she's she's not been allowed to

233

be very vocal and say very much.

234

So what we need to now do is think

about how can I amplify my inner

235

coach and give her more fuel, more

evidence, more information to help

236

her become more present in my brain.

237

And thinking about the benefits of having

an inner coach is really powerful as well.

238

The benefits are the opposite to

what the inner critics impact is.

239

You'll have a cheerleader, an internal

cheerleader who's very encouraging, who's

240

supportive, who wants you to do well, and

wants you to fulfill your potential and.

241

Have stretch in your job.

242

She'll help you overcome

setbacks and reframe them.

243

She'll be able to build your confidence

and your self-belief and she'll help

244

you manage stress and reduce anxiety.

245

There's lots of benefits for

your inner coach, which is really

246

encouraging to think about.

247

So the ways to then strengthen your

inner coach are to do things like this.

248

One is to identify the

positives that you bring.

249

And remind yourself regularly.

250

That's things like your strengths,

your qualities, your leadership brand

251

your achievements, things you've done

really well, things you're proud of.

252

Any feedback that you have had.

253

And to collate this, and often with

my clients we do something called

254

an achievement journal where they

actually start to collect evidence

255

of things that have gone well and the

skills and qualities they've used to

256

enable that because it's physical and.

257

Evidence that you can read and

use to support your inner coach.

258

Then we also want to think about

using more positive self talks.

259

We've talked about reframing some of

the phrases your inner critic might

260

choose to use, but we can also amplify

that by using intentional directional

261

statements, also known as affirmations.

262

Which is just a positive way of,

reprogramming your thought pattern.

263

So choosing a positive statement

about yourself to repeat on a

264

regular basis, and and continuing

the work around reframing those next.

265

Thoughts and then also choosing to

engage in positivity, particularly if

266

you've got a high negative risk bias.

267

Looking at things like podcasts,

books, lives meditation music,

268

things that make you feel positive

and choosing to bring consciously

269

more of them into your working week.

270

So that, again, you're giving more

fuel to your inner coach to draw on.

271

Remember, we're not getting

rid of your inner critic.

272

She is a part of you and

she serves a purpose.

273

We want to treat her with compassion.

274

But what we want to do is let her relax

a bit by reassuring her and using our

275

inner coach, increasing the volume of our

inner coach to actually support us more.

276

With our daily challenges

of being, a female leader.

277

To recap for you what we're

gonna do is notice what your

278

inner critic is saying to you.

279

Write it down, get some perspective.

280

Recognize you have a choice, and

start to get compassionate with

281

yourself and with your inner critic.

282

Be conscious and intentional.

283

Start reframing your inner narrative

and then look at and strengthening

284

your inner coach through both

capturing and reminding yourself of

285

your strengths and achievements using

positive self talk and bringing more

286

positivity into your daily working life.

287

I hope you've found that helpful.

288

It's given you some food for thought

around your inner critic and how vocal it

289

is and when it's vocal, and how you can

start to encourage your inner coach to.

290

Be more present.

291

If you want to have some deep support

on this, do get in touch and we can have

292

a conversation around you developing

your inner coach to support you go

293

forward in your leadership career.

294

Thank you so much for listening

to this episode of the Unstuck

295

and Unstoppable podcast.

296

I have lots of free resources you

can access on my website, ww.career

297

tree coaching.co

298

uk, and I'll also put

links in the show notes.

299

If you found this episode

helpful, then please subscribe

300

so you don't miss the next one.

301

And please do share it with a

friend and leave me a review

302

and I will personally thank you.

303

Remember, you're capable of more

than you know, shine brightly.

304

Lead boldly and unlock the

extraordinary potential within you.

305

Be unstoppable.