00:00:29This week. I started working out of a new co-working space in Portland, Oregon.

00:00:47For the last two years. I've been searching for the most efficient and effective ways to incorporate wellness and work-life balance as an entrepreneur.

00:01:19I have developed some bad habits, because I was working long hours.

00:01:29My priorities were all out of whack and somehow. I thought that would miraculously changed as soon as I experience the freedom of starting my own business.

00:01:46How do you started telling myself stories about how once things calm down?

00:01:56Once things calm down. I'll spend more time with my friends and family.

00:02:07Waiting for things to calm down. May never happen.

00:02:31He's talking about me.

00:02:38What's going on with you two?

00:02:45Today, Lilly talks about things like, intuitive eating.

00:03:03Are you paying attention?

00:03:30But sometimes we avoid Our Lives. Sometimes, we avoid our health.

00:03:44Necessarily loving everything about your body.

00:03:53And how sometimes it's about those little changes that we can make that help us make even bigger changes down the road.

00:04:09I've spent far too much time in my life.

00:04:22And that it has done, and that it will do.

00:04:32I mean coming down here was easy. I live next to an inactive volcano inside the city limits of Portland called Mount. Tabor a little south of there and I can just zoom down that hill to get to the Riveter. I mean, it's pretty easy, right? It's cake, but then it means I have to ride home.

00:05:00It means making my heart work. A little bit harder than I've made it work for a long time and it isn't easy.

00:05:11I had forgotten because it had been a few years since I had been a bike commuter.

00:05:25How many problems I can solve by just taking my mind and putting it somewhere else?

00:05:39can sometimes cause you to ruin eight and

00:05:49Doing something new, moving her body. And

00:05:56I'm not going to lie, because there's a section of the ride home that I have to walk up right now today.

00:06:13It's really steep.

00:06:23I had to do the same walk.

00:06:32And then I was able to ride the whole thing.

00:06:47Instead of beating myself up about it.

00:06:54I'm making time for me. It's not easy.

00:07:09Getting out there being in the air which I love and moving the sweating, a little.

00:07:24When I stop making time for myself and started making time for other things.

00:07:35What are the things in your life that you haven't been making time for?

00:07:46What are the things?

00:07:53So you can do those things again so that you can make more time for yourself.

00:08:07And that may be true, but we can all choose.

00:08:16I really really can't wait for you to hear. Everything really has to say she's amazing and hilarious.

00:08:29She's going to join us after this.

00:09:16The more you listen, the more you earn. So here's what you do, download the app right now on iPhone or Android. And I have a special code for you, simply use our code business and you'll get 300 podcoin. Just for signing up, and if you listened to enough of us on there, you can get a cappuccino at Starbucks or an Amazon gift card on us. So go ahead, go listen to this podcast or virtually any podcast on pod coin and sign up with the promo code business. I swear, it'll change the way you listen to podcast. Hey guys, it's Jen has a heart centered entrepreneur. I not only believe in holistic leadership, but also not connecting with my health allistic lie for me, that means yoga movement massage and more when I'm curious about things like what it means to be an empath. I listen to the Holistic Healing Connection podcast with my friend and colleague a cook.

00:10:48Lily is known for helping busy. Professional women pledge to never diet again as they gain strength and confidence. She is Anti Diet and body positive, and believes that everyone deserves to feel confident and strong. You need coaching approach and curriculum design, expertise, overwhelmed, women create sustainable Wellness. Routines that last a lifetime.

00:11:16Hey Lily, Welcome to The Nutcracker business podcast. Hey, John. Thanks so much for having me. Sure. Are you ready to go? Yeah, let's do this. I'm excited to be here. Me to virtually your transition from bodybuilder to teacher to health and wellness influencer. And Coach is fascinating to me. Can you share with us a little bit about your background and Transitions? And honestly, really didn't make any sense to me when it first started happening. But looking back on things and like, okay. I kind of see the flow of this.

00:12:47I still help me. So I was in corporate sales and I was like, I hate this. I want to do something with my life America. I also subsequently got engaged during that time and decide to go back to graduate. So I did all those three things cuz I had no, I don't check list out and I was going to be a big girl and do all the things that was expected of me, but I kind of lost myself, honestly. So that's where my kind of Wellness to point out came in while I wasn't exercising for the first time in my life. I had a binge eating problem as a team that came back, and I really felt like I needed to take better care of myself. That's when I decided to start strength training. Something within me was, like, less than like going on the elliptical counting calories. Like this isn't working cardio sucks. You hate it. Why don't we go into, like, another coat on coat, boys. Section of the gym, you know, there was some wait around and see if we can build ourselves up. And I saw a really great results very quickly. I was working with a coach. I'm online, like nutrition coach, who did bodybuilding competitions to and, you know, she and I were talking and I was like, hey, I think I want to try,

00:14:47Did you and win trophies? Your body and still be like this doesn't feel good. It's not right to obsessively. Like what do I do from here? Have solutely and then you're no longer a teacher either, right? Nope. I have been out of the classroom for let's see, three years now again, big transition. I left my teaching job. I work at Charter School, that I work, the public school. My husband, and I moved across the country from Boston to, they are clearly. I like to just throw everything in a bucket and just be like, clean, clean house. We're making lifestyle changes. And when I move down here, I started my own business and I kind of started as like a personal trainer that I was doing online coaching. I worked at a really big box fancy gym that everyone knows for one day. I hated it. I was like, nope didn't go to grad school to do. No work it for $5 an hour, whatever you wanted me to work for. So that kind of push me to go like in the fall on speaker mode. Like okay, how can I have the lifestyle that I want you healthy? So that's why I'm trying to teach other people to do and then, you know, also have a good quality of life. So I feel like a couple years then.

00:16:47You needing it can be portion control. It can be a quote-unquote healthy lifestyle. Basically. What dieting is, how I Define it is any artificial interventions that you're trying to impose upon yourself to create new deitering Wellness habits too kind of change the way that you live in a way. Like, from an outside perspective. So it could be counting calories. It could be doing Weight, Watchers. It can be anything like that. So just be like, in can also be a diet, right? And I think, for me, realizing that dieting is something that takes up so much of people's brains, especially women and I never blamed the individual. So if you're feeling like, oh my gosh, like this is me right now. The giant Wellness industry. In America, made 68 billion dollars in 2018. Talk about a really big lobbying for us and our lives, right? It can be everywhere, you know, everything from media from Facebook, Instagram. So to me dieting is really taking your life and saying like, Okay, I'm going to control my health and wellness.

00:18:47Work for you that you know, it's your fault that you can't stick to the plan, you know, 1 + 4, chronic dieters ends up with a disordered relationship with food and when I found that out I was like that's a lot of people and then even more. So than that, there was a study done by the National Institute of Health that showed between 95 and 97 per cent of diets and up failing. So that means the people within five years or more end up. Getting back more weight. I'm having less muscle mass. I was like to use the little bit hyperbolic but no 97% of Honda Civics explode. When you drove them, ten thousand miles. Would you blame Honda, or would you blame the driver? I am playing Honda, you know, and I have a Honda Civic and I loved it. But, you know, it just interesting to me that we have so many outside cultural forces that are telling us that you're wrong, that you failed that we take that on, right? We're like, it's a personal failure that I couldn't eat, you know, cucumbers.

00:20:47The show that even if you know, equal partners are working with him and end up doing more in the home for their family is just being more in service and general knowing that those are necessarily bad things. We have the leverage that care and kindness for their self too. So the first thing that I was talk to clients about is boundaries, right? If you're a woman concrete business, you got your own thing going on, you know, I guarantee you have a calendar. Are you have some priorities, things like that? You need to just find a way to make yourself a priority. Even if it's just for one minute a day, Friday. And even if it's just thinking about it and thinking about ways that you can say no to other people, so that you can say, yes to yourself. This isn't something that happens overnight. It doesn't mean you have to walk around with a big red flag. Iran just go around to be like, okay. I don't need to be Superwoman. I don't need to go in and try to save everything. I don't need to say yes to volunteering and everything at my kids school and also understanding that taken care of yourself. Does not mean,

00:22:46Better and then, you know, starting to work. Forgot that diet Rubble mentality where you look. All right. I'm going to have a little boundaries around my time because if this was a sales meeting, or if I had to leave my team right now, I would be on time, right? I would be your showing up the way that I'm supposed to, so it's just kind of transferring those skills. You already have your own personal self care as well. So I have some work to do we all do usually around those first three things that you mentioned was so simple and yet when you're not making, even those basic things a priority, it's easy to understand how even working out with steam stressful, exactly. Exactly. For sure. And also, a lot of times with women exercise a day. Remember, you know, times are really active. They tend to maybe they were dining at the same time. Right? And what's worse? Putting yourself through physical limits? When you're under eating right? You feel terrible. And I wonder if you're going to have negative associations with it. Totally. What do you tell women who are feeling hopeless about losing weight?

00:24:46Quantifying the goal, right? Cuz I've talked to people all my sleeps better, my stress better. I go to the doctor. I don't have not pre-diabetic the river all, but the scale still reads this and I wanted to weigh this, right? Music kind of has like a cultural on ourselves. But okay. I can, you do know these great things but the number isn't ex and I'm still a failure, right? The first thing I would definitely say is, like, compassion and then kind of moving away from weight loss even as a goal and then also giving yourself some time to mourn, right morning. I do know that diet and weight loss is going to share you because it's something that we oftentimes think like, oh, well, you know, I'll talk to people on a consultation will say, okay. What do you want? Okay, I want to lose 30 lb. I want to be this size. I want to do this. It's like well, what does that really mean? What does that mean to you? And it can be really hard and can become a devastating like I should have my own story like I do I weigh the amount. I thought I looked away I thought they still wasn't happy. Right? So we kind of have to mourn. That idea that dieting is going to sue, that's going to fix us. And then the other thing you

00:26:38But I actually read a great book by I love her and that her name is Linda bacon. Dr. Linda bacon. And she writes about food and nutrition and women's bodies and stuff so that she has a great book called body respect. I I like to have people start with respect right respecting Your Vessel for what it can do because sometimes you're not going to love your body, right? And especially if you've been hating on yourself for years. Like, again, just let me know how I hated you and I'm going to love you. I can feel fake. I can feel you know, I can feel forced and most people do have a sister. Going to have a complicated relationship with our best. Alright, so I like to focus on respect. Like for me, I happen to be in our 7 months, pregnant right now. So like obviously weight gain your your capabilities are different. So like what is your body do for you? Like his allow you to go on an amazing trip to Italy. Latest you go for a swim walk with your dog. I'm even like getting up in the morning and not having pain in a certain area, right? You can really break it down to just very simple things and then also just like,

00:28:27Kind of mind-blowing actually, it's just refreshing. It's a lot different. So now we're getting to the part that you're most excited about. I think, oh my goodness cuz I know you've been working with intuitive eating. So let's just start with what is that? And then we'll talk about more stuff. Cool. Yeah. Intuitive eating has been one of those things that kind of just like blew my life open and the most amazing a possible. And so there's a difference between when people just passively say like eating intuitively versus intuitive eating and intuitive, eating is a system that was created by two registered. Dietitians, Evelyn Tripoli and Elise rush and I believe the book has been out for 10 to 15 years. Now, they just had some new additions, things like that. But what it really is is it's not a diet force of all, there are no rules to follow. You can't do it wrong, and it is not the goal of intuitive eating is not to lose weight. The goal of intuitive eating is to really integrate a mind-body connection of instant emotion and

00:30:27As a pacifier and it helps you understand but okay, what are appropriate coping mechanisms and how can you learn to enjoy it again? Because food is delicious and screwed his part of life. I can't we're not going to walk around eating like Soylent Green right ill. So yeah, I think it's it's like one of those things that really just like change my life. And there are ten steps to hit the talk a lot about you. No honor in your hunger. Would you like some Diet mentality? I would highly recommend so you can talk to anyone. Who's what is that? I think that's great and you mentioned a little bit about emotional eating. How could an emotional eater transition into intuitive eating? Yeah. That's a great question. So, I think the first thing I will say is that often times we say, like emotional eater and we just assume that it's a bad thing. And we also assume like emotional eating is like when you're stressed out and you're coping. So I mean, in my estimation food is emotional that will never change. Like, we go out. We have tacos with our friends. We have birthday parties. We will soon A celebratory.

00:32:27You are really struggling with emotional eating and for me. I do have a personal background and work with clients with binge-eating figuring out like what's your self-care toolkit? Right? Like, what else? Can you do for yourself? That doesn't just involve eating that will allow you to know, check in with yourself, whether that's music, whether it's connection tools, like, you know, talking with a friend journaling. I'm going for a walk and ways to release like energy and anger to beating up a pillow screaming, like, you know, they're a lot of different things that you can do besides just eat yourself sick face. So, yeah, that's those are tactics that I've used and also just knowing like a little emotional eating. Like it's it's not a silly about that. You don't have an iced cupcake with your cappuccino, like on a beautiful day. Like I want to go do that right now, you know, just kind of celebrate and just have something yummy, totally. I love it. So how do you encourage people, who maybe haven't been getting moving for a while?

00:34:27Birds and the bees seniors and like why not just go for it. Right? I work with one client who really like badminton. She's like it. Does that count as exercise. I like your chances exercise like so I think it helps to not just look at like typical gems are classes or things like that, but kind of opening up your mind. And then also thinking about like, when you were a kid, like did you have anything that you really like to do, or even a few years ago? Did you have parts or something? Cuz sometimes you can reactivate, like, okay. I really love, you know, powerlifting, but I'm not really like wanting to go there, but how can I find a community of people that are, you know, maybe a little bit competitive ever going to be supportive of me and also just starting to really small, right? I've had clients who I was like, all right. Our goal is five minutes today and most people say 5 minutes. I'm not going to do anything. I guess what it will do. Something you every single little thing that you do adds up, and you're going to feel like a super bad ass if you've been able to move for 5 to 10 minutes for a week when you haven't really done any.

00:36:09So I've seen some of your posts on Facebook and I just love the way that you call out some of the products that further this Insidious diet culture. I think the one that I am thinking about are the plates, they had at Macy's that was different portions on the plate were drawn on there. And I was like, mom jeans or in all these different things like skinny jeans. It's like, 2 tbsp of quinoa. You like this should burn in a fire? Like no, no. No, I'll put the picture in the show notes, you, it was terrible. And the question is, what can all of us do to combat diet culture? Love it. So first thing you can do is if you were listening to this right now, like a couple things might have just popped in your mind like how I realize I was that culture, right? And this is a type of thing like once you know what, you can't unring the Bell.

00:37:58I know it's a little hard for me since I work in health and wellness. Sometimes people were literally come out to me because I'm on this diet. What do you think? I don't want to hear about this. But you know, telling your friends telling family member is your partner saying, listen like my goal right now is I'm just getting for any type of diet talk and setting a boundary with them and if people don't respect it walking away, changing the subject talking about something else. There was a great article in the New York Times called smash the wellness industry, which I highly recommend everyone read to talked about how crazy, and how terrible it is that most women spend so much of our time, talking about these issues and the daughter opened up with, like she was at a standstill you dinner, or lunch, or something, with a bunch of other business. Women and literally, for the first, like, 10 to 15 minutes, all they talk about is like, I'm eating this and I'm not eating this. And I'm on that. It's like and then she looked over at the businessman across the table. I would eating cheese burgers or like ribs or something. And, you know, tell me about negotiations, so realizing that

00:39:49I mean, if you murder someone for a donut, raise your hand, I'm just kidding. It was worth it. It was the last one. He had to die. I don't think we do there, but we did can ring that Bell either. So I really can't.

00:40:53Hey, ladies, I know you're working so hard to grow your business. A business that aligns with your vision and your values, a business that support your lifestyle. And I know it's been a bumpy ride. Sometimes. I see it all the time. Women overspending on shiny objects and Magic pills because they're tired of not seeing results. Business decisions based on short-term games, without a critical eyes, were the future most heartbreaking of all women who walk away cuz it's just too damn hard. The good news is you're not alone. You have support all around you. If you're ready to take joyful actions on your biggest business goals, if you need strategy, accountability, and a pass to get you exactly where you want to go. Let me know because I'm here to support you as a consultant and strategist. You can fill out a quick application to work together at Jen mcfarland.com. Ready. I've opened up just a few.