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Emotions as Indicators -40
Episode 40 • 18th April 2023 • THE GRIT SHOW • Shawna Rodrigues
00:00:00 00:35:10

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Did you know that an emotion only lasts 6 seconds?

That's how long the chemical process takes. It may seem like it lasts a lot longer, but that's because that initial reaction can become a feeling which has some nuances. We'll touch on that concept today, but mostly we are going to dive into a concept that may be very unfamiliar to you. I know it is pretty foreign to me.

It's the idea that our emotions, those chemical reactions, are sending us signals for our personal benefit. That those messages and signals are meant for us, personally. They aren't about the people around us, they are about *us*. When we have a twinge of a strong emotion, we need to stop and get curious as Will Halpin mentioned during episode #32 on IFS - and try to figure out what that emotion might be telling us.

There is more to the story and the thought - check out the episode and let me know if it resonates as you start to apply it to what is happening in your world. I know I've been impressed with the things it has helped me uncover!

Here's the link to the episode so you can share it with someone you know will enjoy it - or easily link to it yourself! https://podcast.thegritshow.com/episode/40/

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Were you wanting to check out that Brene Brown episode I mentioned? This links to the first one - the second one is right after! -brenebrown.com


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Transcripts

Shawna:

Emotions are absorbed in the body in about six seconds.

Shawna:

Each burst of emotion, from the time it's produced in the

Shawna:

hypothalamus, the time it's completely broken down, and fully absorbed.

Shawna:

Only last six seconds.

Shawna:

This may sound a little bit absurd.

Shawna:

Because you think of emotions and feelings as interchangeable.

Shawna:

And honestly so do I.

Shawna:

I'm not even sure who decided which thing was, which.

Shawna:

But I will tell you the one reason I love words.

Shawna:

It's because of how powerful it can be when you truly capture

Shawna:

the meaning of something.

Shawna:

And that's why there's a difference between emotions and feelings.

Shawna:

We're only going to touch a little bit on the difference between

Shawna:

emotions and feelings today.

Shawna:

They're part of a larger conversation around emotions as indicators.

Shawna:

About the fact they are messengers from ourselves to ourselves.

Shawna:

And how that often gets sidetracked.

Shawna:

Into our thinking they're about someone else or something else.

Shawna:

Well, I don't know about you, but that's what happens with me an awful lot.

Shawna:

So hopefully you'll connect to that a little bit too.

Shawna:

Welcome to The Grit Show.

Shawna:

Growth on purpose.

Shawna:

I'm grateful you're here.

Shawna:

We are a community of scrappers.

Shawna:

Who've had the opportunity to demonstrate our Grit.

Shawna:

And now we are growing together as seekers and Thrivers.

Shawna:

Learning a little each week that brings more joy and ease into our life.

Shawna:

And knowing that there's more to life than just the grit show.

Shawna:

I'm your host, shawna Rodrigues.

Shawna:

After a career as a clinician and leading organizations.

Shawna:

I transitioned to consulting and fulfilled my goal of becoming

Shawna:

a best-selling author in 2021.

Shawna:

Before finding my way to podcasting and the perfect fit for my passion and skills.

Shawna:

Which was the founding of the authentic connections podcast network.

Shawna:

It connects my love of talking and connecting.

Shawna:

While also amplifying voices as we move the needle closer to 37 by

Shawna:

27 increasing by 10% the number of podcasts hosted by women by 2027.

Shawna:

Because really shouldn't it be closer to 50%?

Shawna:

As part of this I'm offering for the first time, a four-part

Shawna:

intro series to podcasting.

Shawna:

From dreaming to doing.

Shawna:

It's a wonderful foundation course for those of you interested.

Shawna:

Go to bit.ly/podcastd2d dreaming to doing, and you can sign up.

Shawna:

I'll talk a little more about it in detail at the end.

Shawna:

For now let's chat more about emotions as indicators.

Shawna:

At times I had to find it almost comical.

Shawna:

That even though I have this clinical degree, and a clinical license.

Shawna:

I still feel as though I'm at a loss when it comes to understanding

Shawna:

emotions and how they work.

Shawna:

You think it would be at the base of everything?

Shawna:

And it is, but it's the part that you kind of ignore and that I feel

Shawna:

like I didn't learn enough about.

Shawna:

As I mentioned in my intro, my former career, I was a clinician.

Shawna:

An LCSW to be specific, a licensed clinical social worker.

Shawna:

My specialty was actually working with young children.

Shawna:

I loved working with kids.

Shawna:

And I think intentionally avoided working specifically with adults.

Shawna:

Even though anyone who works with kids will tell you that you're working with

Shawna:

their parents, their classroom teachers.

Shawna:

Or adults in their life, as much as you are working with them.

Shawna:

But it's always easier to have the focus be on kids.

Shawna:

The solutions were easier.

Shawna:

The compassion would easily flow.

Shawna:

I seemed to have understanding, more patience, it always came easier for me.

Shawna:

And also helps with boundaries.

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I'm someone who's always believed.

Shawna:

Boundaries are very important.

Shawna:

And we'll actually talk more about that in later episodes of the season, where we

Shawna:

dive into conversations around burnout.

Shawna:

But it was always easy.

Shawna:

When I was dating.

Shawna:

Or out with a friend or any other time when someone bristled

Shawna:

at me being a therapist.

Shawna:

To just brush it off.

Shawna:

I only worked with folks under the age of five.

Shawna:

So I was never psychoanalyzing you.

Shawna:

That was never part of the conversation.

Shawna:

I was a friend you'd vote most likely to tell you to go see a therapist or

Shawna:

that you might want to get a therapist.

Shawna:

But I was never the friend trying to be your therapist.

Shawna:

And once you told me your diagnosis, there was a chance it might take me a

Shawna:

few minutes of hmming and hawing before I could actually see it totally fit to.

Shawna:

Sometimes there's a bit of a veil between my work and my life in that way.

Shawna:

I like to think that my background, all the training that I took and the

Shawna:

classes I had and the knowledge I had.

Shawna:

Added to the depth of conversations I had with others.

Shawna:

And my way of thinking sometimes.

Shawna:

But, it's interesting to me, how little I applied to my personal life what

Shawna:

I've learned as a therapist sometimes.

Shawna:

And I don't apply it to everyone else in my life.

Shawna:

It's one of those things that I've learned.

Shawna:

You've heard about, you know, physician heal thyself is not that possible.

Shawna:

It also applies to clinicians, or maybe very specifically with me.

Shawna:

It's hard to say.

Shawna:

There's also a chance that there's this moment when I was in college

Shawna:

studying social work for the first time and taking these courses.

Shawna:

When I went to dinner with my dad.

Shawna:

When I was visiting and he actually asked me, so now that

Shawna:

you're taking these classes, what do you think about our family?

Shawna:

And I spun backwards and it was quick to say, I don't know.

Shawna:

I will never know.

Shawna:

Never ask me that again.

Shawna:

Uh, so part of me never wanted to apply it.

Shawna:

It was always about other people and other things.

Shawna:

So maybe that's why applying what I've learned about emotions

Shawna:

doesn't easily cross apply.

Shawna:

Or maybe it's a matter that I didn't learn as much about emotions as

Shawna:

I wanted to, or thought I could.

Shawna:

I was poking around at the research in preparation for this episode.

Shawna:

As some of the articles I read made me feel better that maybe.

Shawna:

It wasn't as deep as a topic as it could have been, should have been.

Shawna:

Or I would have liked it to have been.

Shawna:

And it was something that was brushed over as I learned more

Shawna:

about Pavlov conditioning and.

Shawna:

The way you just did things instead of understanding why things happened, the

Shawna:

way things happened and how it connects.

Shawna:

And the emotions weren't as well understood.

Shawna:

And are still being understood.

Shawna:

That's what I like to think anyways.

Shawna:

There's a recent episode that I heard on a podcast because I happen to

Shawna:

like those in case you didn't know.

Shawna:

But it was in the last two episodes of Unlocking Us with Brene Brown.

Shawna:

I was listening to for a whole different reason.

Shawna:

And I really brought home some concepts for me around emotions.

Shawna:

And the impact they have and their purpose.

Shawna:

And that wasn't the intent of the episode.

Shawna:

It is an amazing episode though.

Shawna:

It was really around living big and some other bigger pieces around.

Shawna:

Whether or not people are doing the best they can, which I love it.

Shawna:

And that entire episode, and I could not possibly explain it as

Shawna:

well as they do or recapture it and convey it in a way that they do.

Shawna:

So you should go listen to that.

Shawna:

The last two episodes of Unlocking Us with Brene Brown and her sister.

Shawna:

It's very good.

Shawna:

But we will talk a little bit about that concept around- if

Shawna:

others are doing the best they can.

Shawna:

And one of the things that they posit or bring up.

Shawna:

Is this concept that when.

Shawna:

We are in this place of judging others when we don't think others

Shawna:

are doing the best they can.

Shawna:

And we're in this place of really passing judgment on the performance

Shawna:

of others and what they're doing;

Shawna:

the part of that is us being in a place of judgment and that perhaps

Shawna:

we're also judging ourselves.

Shawna:

And this is an interesting concept.

Shawna:

There was so many concepts I got from that episode, but that was one that I was

Shawna:

sitting with and spending some time with.

Shawna:

And it really had me thinking about it because.

Shawna:

There are people who I think are doing the best they can.

Shawna:

And at the time I could probably name them off.

Shawna:

And I got the concept of why you should apply that to all people.

Shawna:

But I recognize that it wasn't always something I did.

Shawna:

And it made me curious about when I do or don't apply it.

Shawna:

And I had a really great conversation with a dear friend of mine that helped me to

Shawna:

kind of take that to a different level.

Shawna:

And it is about the unfinished fence at my house.

Shawna:

I was on the phone with my good friend and I was talking about.

Shawna:

The unfinished fence.

Shawna:

And as I was talking about it, she was kind of laughing because I was

Shawna:

referring to the love of my life and his desire to have this fence.

Shawna:

And me knowing his desire for this fence was because we moved

Shawna:

back to this house that we own.

Shawna:

When the pandemic was winding down, but the pandemic, still wasn't resolved.

Shawna:

And there was a lot of.

Shawna:

The neighborhood or we had that house had shifted and changed and there was

Shawna:

a lot of activity that was questionable and things that had happened and it.

Shawna:

It just wasn't the same safe neighborhood it had been.

Shawna:

And he was concerned about how exposed the front of our house was.

Shawna:

And.

Shawna:

At one time when we were first dating I was chatting it up

Shawna:

with somebody on my porch.

Shawna:

Cause I thought they were coming to do something with one of our tenants that.

Shawna:

And they weren't and they'd actually cut open a box on our our

Shawna:

porch and we're breaking into it.

Shawna:

And I was chatting away with them after they taped it up.

Shawna:

No clue that they were somebody that was.

Shawna:

It's tele things through our porch and just being friendly.

Shawna:

And so he's had concerned about my my openness and the way that

Shawna:

the neighborhood had changed, as we talked about putting in

Shawna:

a fence and we'd worked on it.

Shawna:

And then the neighborhood got better and the fence hadn't been finished.

Shawna:

And so it's this.

Shawna:

Thing that needs.

Shawna:

I've finished this fence.

Shawna:

And he doesn't have bandwidth for it.

Shawna:

And I liked the project.

Shawna:

And so it really is my project to finish.

Shawna:

But it's not a needed project.

Shawna:

Because our neighborhood has gotten better and I like having

Shawna:

the exposure to the street and the people that walk by and chat with us.

Shawna:

So, it's this weird thing this fence.

Shawna:

And so as I'm talking to my girlfriend about this fence

Shawna:

that needs to be finished.

Shawna:

I'm still talking about, love of my life, the one of the fence,

Shawna:

then I need to finish the fence.

Shawna:

And she's laughing because of how I talk about him and this fence.

Shawna:

And she would just be not referring to her partner the same way.

Shawna:

There was an unfinished fence that they wanted that.

Shawna:

That she would be having to finish and, and all those pieces.

Shawna:

And it.

Shawna:

It was a perfect example of.

Shawna:

Of me knowing that.

Shawna:

He doesn't like outdoor projects like that.

Shawna:

He doesn't like those projects.

Shawna:

They stress them out.

Shawna:

There's other things he'd rather be doing.

Shawna:

I honestly love doing that.

Shawna:

Part of me.

Shawna:

Savoring my time is projects like that.

Shawna:

I love home projects and me just knowing that and knowing that.

Shawna:

He's also patient with the fact I haven't finished that project, even

Shawna:

though he really wanted it done.

Shawna:

And so there's no.

Shawna:

There's new negativity, like with any of that conversing as we're talking about it.

Shawna:

So she was noting that.

Shawna:

And talking about how interesting it was that I could, you know, be so fine

Shawna:

with it and she'd be so different.

Shawna:

And, and it kind of went back to our conversation around that concept

Shawna:

o f doing the best you can and.

Shawna:

And him knowing I was doing the best to me, knowing that he was doing

Shawna:

his best with it and how it rolled.

Shawna:

But then very soon thereafter, there was a work-related project

Shawna:

where somebody I was working with.

Shawna:

I did not feel like they were doing the best they could.

Shawna:

And I was having a very strong reaction to the way they were handling things.

Shawna:

And as part of that, I was noticing the strength of my reaction to that.

Shawna:

And it was a good opportunity for me to do some reflection.

Shawna:

And it went back to that reflection that Brene and her sister were having

Shawna:

on the podcast around where you stand in judgment of yourself on things.

Shawna:

And when it comes to the house projects, like I don't judge him doing things or

Shawna:

not doing things because I don't judge myself doing things or not doing things

Shawna:

because I am doing the best I can with balancing my work and my other pieces

Shawna:

and getting the house projects done.

Shawna:

So I don't judge him on those things.

Shawna:

But when it comes to my work, I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Shawna:

I'm feeling behind I'm having all sorts of other feelings.

Shawna:

And so I'm very quick to judge things when it comes to work and those

Shawna:

things, because I'm feeling overworked.

Shawna:

I'm feeling exhausted.

Shawna:

I'm feeling like.

Shawna:

I'm not doing the best I can.

Shawna:

I'm not setting good boundaries.

Shawna:

I'm not taking care of myself.

Shawna:

I'm not figuring things out and making them sustainable for me.

Shawna:

And so I'm very quick to judge somebody else.

Shawna:

And so.

Shawna:

As much as like this concept is so helpful for me to stop and recognize,

Shawna:

like where I can apply someone's doing the best they can is an area where I

Shawna:

feel good that I'm doing the best I can.

Shawna:

And that reallyin these places where I'm judging other people are the

Shawna:

places I need to do more self work.

Shawna:

And need to stop judging myself so much and figure out what's going on with me.

Shawna:

And that really brought me back to the concept that our emotions are indicators.

Shawna:

And I can't.

Shawna:

I can't tell you the book that I heard it, and I don't even think

Shawna:

I got a book from a library.

Shawna:

And I don't think I even finished it before I had to go back

Shawna:

because that happens with me.

Shawna:

I love the library as a resource, but I don't always have time to finish

Shawna:

things before I need to return them.

Shawna:

And I remember reading about that concept and it was so

Shawna:

powerful to me, this concept.

Shawna:

Of emotions as indicators.

Shawna:

And the fact that.

Shawna:

With this work situation when I was having such a strong reaction

Shawna:

and a flicker anger when someone wasn't getting things done or wasn't

Shawna:

understanding what I was asking of them.

Shawna:

What was that emotion about?

Shawna:

Like, what was that connected to?

Shawna:

Because I think the way I was raised.

Shawna:

Not even negatively against anyone who raised me.

Shawna:

I just think the way we're raised that.

Shawna:

We're supposed to be like sensing other people's emotions and reacting and to

Shawna:

being careful how we impact others.

Shawna:

And I'm someone who's very aware of how I impact others and very aware

Shawna:

that I can soften or do things to make things better for other people

Shawna:

and I do that a lot with adjusting.

Shawna:

How I am in space, especially when I was younger.

Shawna:

And that we can do that.

Shawna:

And so there's this flip side of that is also that others should

Shawna:

then adjust or not adjust for me.

Shawna:

And I can get frustrated when they do or don't because I'm

Shawna:

adjusting for them, right?

Shawna:

So there's this piece to that.

Shawna:

Whereas really that whole situation, like I got frustrated with someone

Shawna:

else not understanding or figuring things out or taking care of

Shawna:

things or getting things done.

Shawna:

What did that mean for me?

Shawna:

What was that indicator for me that anger for me?

Shawna:

And honestly, I think that anger for me was that

Shawna:

I had not committed to a larger role in a project.

Shawna:

Because of the fact I knew my limitations and even knowing those

Shawna:

limitations and not committing to a larger role, I'm still over committed

Shawna:

and doing too much right now and hiring staff so that I can be doing less.

Shawna:

But still not doing GOBA, dry my boundaries and having more free time.

Shawna:

Right.

Shawna:

So I'm still not in alignment.

Shawna:

Alignment.

Shawna:

What do you think there's a bottom line.

Shawna:

If you're not in alignment with what your core values are?

Shawna:

So my core value.

Shawna:

Value is.

Shawna:

Free time and having time with people that I care about and not

Shawna:

being overburdened with work and not having to work creep into.

Shawna:

The main thing that I'm overly focused on.

Shawna:

Cause it's done that before my life.

Shawna:

And so.

Shawna:

That's what I was angry about.

Shawna:

That's what I was upset about it.

Shawna:

It wasn't necessarily this other person not being good at what

Shawna:

they do and not getting things done and not doing things right.

Shawna:

And taking it more of my time to have to clean up the mess.

Shawna:

it was just in general.

Shawna:

I was putting too much time into work.

Shawna:

And this little flicker of anger that came up was a reminder of that.

Shawna:

So that message was for me, it wasn't for them.

Shawna:

It wasn't something I needed to react and project and make a big

Shawna:

deal and get frustrated with them.

Shawna:

There was some level of boundaries that may be.

Shawna:

You know, I can be more careful about who I work with in the future, et cetera.

Shawna:

That's part of it, but really.

Shawna:

It was about me not being in alignment with how much I was working.

Shawna:

And doing even more so than just on that one project.

Shawna:

That just in general, I was not giving myself enough space.

Shawna:

And I was letting work take over too much of my time and too much of my efforts.

Shawna:

So it was really a message for me.

Shawna:

So my emotion was an indicator that I needed to pay attention to.

Shawna:

And I think that too often in our lives we've been told that our

Shawna:

emotions, our responses to situations are about the other people and

Shawna:

what other people should be doing.

Shawna:

And sometimes directing other people to do things differently

Shawna:

instead of stopping and pausing and seeing what's going on with us.

Shawna:

And that could be as simple slash complicated as when we're in a situation

Shawna:

where the kids are being too loud and too noisy and making too big of

Shawna:

a mess and doing all type of things.

Shawna:

And there's just too much chaos going on.

Shawna:

And that could be a moment to see like, well, what's out of alignment for me.

Shawna:

Like, do I need a quieter space?

Shawna:

Am I just overwhelmed and I'm not giving myself enough care and self-maintenance

Shawna:

and taking care of me enough that I feel like this is taking too much out of me

Shawna:

to be managing the situation right now.

Shawna:

What do I need to do for, for boundaries or for care for me in this situation?

Shawna:

Relation instead of needing to control the volume because it's the volume

Shawna:

actually the problem in this situation, or is there something else with me?

Shawna:

That's this is activating or hitting on that i need to pay attention

Shawna:

to and i need to listen to.

Shawna:

So we can still, i mean obviously with kids like we're raising kids

Shawna:

we're teaching kids We're helping them to learn to see things, but

Shawna:

i'm sure we know that sometimes we react differently to situations.

Shawna:

And If we're reacting and our best selves and the way we want to react

Shawna:

to the situation We're doing great.

Shawna:

But if we notice we're not reacting the best way we're reacting to an

Shawna:

emotion that we're having there were then turn it into a feeling.

Shawna:

So that's the difference between emotions and feelings.

Shawna:

An emotion like i noted last like six seconds it is actually a chemical reaction

Shawna:

that needs to process in your body.

Shawna:

But there's like another level to it.

Shawna:

The feelings is what happens when you make meaning of it.

Shawna:

When you add a story to it.

Shawna:

When you put more to it and that's when it lasts longer and it stays longer.

Shawna:

And so that's that's something that that you're adding to it that's the thinking

Shawna:

part of it that brain adding part of it.

Shawna:

And so it's neutral our emotions are neutral they're just chemical reactions

Shawna:

in our body and our brain That we need to work through and we need to experience and

Shawna:

We do experience but when it becomes more than that it's because we're adding things

Shawna:

to it and so what we add to it The meaning we make of it And what we do with that Is

Shawna:

up to us and how we interpret that data.

Shawna:

And so looking at that data slightly differently to go back

Shawna:

to like touching the hot stove.

Shawna:

You know it's just the sensation of pain that tells you to put your hand back

Shawna:

And then you might start adding that other information to it of it reminds

Shawna:

you of a different circumstance us when that happened when you touch something

Shawna:

that was hot and then it hurt really bad and then you think of that and then you

Shawna:

start remembering that and you get upset about that and then It lasts longer and

Shawna:

so those little messages are just six seconds of information That your brain

Shawna:

is giving your body and then what happens to that is The more interesting thing.

Shawna:

And so I think we can go back to our episode with Will Halpin on internal

Shawna:

family systems When you talked about getting curious not furious when we

Shawna:

have thoughts and we have Our stories that our brains are adding to things.

Shawna:

And to maybe start Looking at more of our feelings To after we have that

Shawna:

initial emotion to have that piece.

Shawna:

And to start maybe looking at our emotions as signals and messages

Shawna:

that are for us us and only us.

Shawna:

To see what that means to us And to maybe look at that lens i'm talking

Shawna:

about around that alignment, right?

Shawna:

Why is this Emotion So heavy for me?

Shawna:

Why is this a strong for me?

Shawna:

What is out of alignment That this is kind of tripping on?

Shawna:

For me?

Shawna:

That I can fix and i can change?

Shawna:

So if I'm meeting somebody and they're not showing up and they're late- the emotion

Shawna:

i might have with that is a little flicker of frustration that's information for me.

Shawna:

That's not information for them.

Shawna:

Maybe for me Time is really valuable And maybe i'm not valuing my own time that

Shawna:

i'm not putting myself first enough and putting time into the things that i want

Shawna:

to spend more time on that are important.

Shawna:

Another time that friend same friend is late and it doesn't bother me because

Shawna:

i am Valuing my time And i am doing the things that i want the rest of the time

Shawna:

Or maybe i didn't want to have this dinner tonight but I did it because i tend to try

Shawna:

to please other people and do what other people want instead of pleasing myself.

Shawna:

So maybe that message is for me that i need to do more to please myself

Shawna:

instead of trying to please other people.

Shawna:

So the message is for me it's not for the other person It's for me

Shawna:

about what i need to do for me to have me feel more in alignment.

Shawna:

And if somebody hasn't called and talked to me and i haven't conversed

Shawna:

with them And i have a sadness with that With the messages what do i

Shawna:

need to do I need more connection.

Shawna:

So i want more connection with this person then i can make moves to have

Shawna:

that connection or maybe I need more connection and i should look for

Shawna:

volunteer opportunities or start doing other activities i enjoy and find other

Shawna:

people who share interests that might be more available to spend time with

Shawna:

me that i can have connection with.

Shawna:

So those emotions we have they're important and we need to pay

Shawna:

attention to them and honor them.

Shawna:

And see them as Indicators for us.

Shawna:

for us to make decisions about and for us to feel and to have them.

Shawna:

And If we have kids, Cause We've mentioned i used to work Solely primarily with kids.

Shawna:

So i connect a lot to that opportunity to be able to have that with kids.

Shawna:

We have a tendency to make kids apologize to each other.

Shawna:

To make them feel like somebody else made them cry et cetera et cetera But

Shawna:

to have that opportunity to, to not make them feel like they have to be

Shawna:

isolated with their emotions, but to see you're feeling this You're sad i can see

Shawna:

that You have some sadness right now.

Shawna:

What do you think that means?

Shawna:

What do you think you want?

Shawna:

And so it's about them and how they can solve it.

Shawna:

And they could solve it by approaching another person and trying to repair

Shawna:

a relationship and do those pieces that's wonderful, but that it doesn't

Shawna:

always require the other person.

Shawna:

It's not always the projection and the other person Didn't do these things.

Shawna:

They felt sad because they were left out.

Shawna:

They felt sad because of this.

Shawna:

And those are the feelings that they have because it's important for them To have

Shawna:

friendships and to have connections and to have friends that they can play with.

Shawna:

And important for them to find friends that like to play with

Shawna:

them And enjoy doing that.

Shawna:

Instead of constantly making the other kid the bad guy cause

Shawna:

they're not playing with them.

Shawna:

To make it important that they realize that they value friends

Shawna:

That liked to play with them that make them feel good when they play

Shawna:

together this say nice things to them.

Shawna:

Now They seek out those friendships and those people and they will find those

Shawna:

people And make those friendships.

Shawna:

Instead of continuing to go after for instance the kids

Shawna:

that don't do those things.

Shawna:

So for them to understand what they value and to reflect it back to them.

Shawna:

The fact you're sad makes me think that you really want to have

Shawna:

friends The say nice things to you.

Shawna:

Are there other friends that you'd like to play with it say nice things.

Shawna:

Who are some of those friends?

Shawna:

Can we find them and play with them?

Shawna:

And to have that kind of way of thinking of finding Those relationships and Using

Shawna:

our emotions as indicators about What we want And where we're in alignment.

Shawna:

And how we can use them to better ourselves and find what

Shawna:

we want and go in that direction.

Shawna:

Hopefully that kind of made sense and connected.

Shawna:

i'm just wrapping my head around it and getting Excited about looking

Shawna:

at My emotions in a different way.

Shawna:

And being excited about this whole concept about people doing the best

Shawna:

they can and how it's kind of Morphed and changed and grown with that.

Shawna:

I'm intrigued by what you might Get out of this as well and if you apply this.

Shawna:

So definitely Keep me posted about it but before we get into our Grit

Shawna:

Wit to kind of apply this more and our self-care spotlight for today,

Shawna:

I did want Can i touch on the fact that this is our first

Shawna:

episode of our second season.

Shawna:

We have finally made the leap to practice what i preach and

Shawna:

moved The Grit Show into seasons.

Shawna:

It's part of the concept around being More friendly to the longevity of podcasts to

Shawna:

actually have them broken up into seasons versus every week all the time nonstop

Shawna:

and that can get a little overwhelming.

Shawna:

So to make things kind of flow differently and to break them up into seasons.

Shawna:

So while the numbers and the episodes will keep rolling

Shawna:

forward so this is episode 40.

Shawna:

It season two episode 40.

Shawna:

We'll still be easy to find with the 40 and to track things that way.

Shawna:

This well, allow for Breaks occasionally and for themes to emerge a little

Shawna:

bit as Which will be exciting.

Shawna:

During this second season we are going to do a deeper dive into

Shawna:

burnout over a couple of episodes.

Shawna:

And more than one way i have a wonderful friend And Who is also um

Shawna:

clinically trained in social work who's going to come on and speak with

Shawna:

me a little bit about that Which is exciting And i have another expert.

Shawna:

expert who i'm talking to that we're also going to come

Shawna:

and talk a little more About.

Shawna:

Burnout amongst Some other things so i'm excited So we'll have a little

Shawna:

bit more focused on burnout I think that's a very important topic That

Shawna:

a lot of you have mentioned as something that people are experiencing.

Shawna:

We'll also be spending some time looking at the differences

Shawna:

between coaching and therapy.

Shawna:

i'm looking at some different types of coaching and therapy as part of that.

Shawna:

You guys have shown some interest in that and understanding that more and

Shawna:

i definitely want to meet that need and give you guys some Some depth and

Shawna:

breadth and understands now a little bit.

Shawna:

We'll also continue to have our usual format and have some conversations

Shawna:

on different topics you've all expressed some interest in.

Shawna:

Next week we're actually going to have a deeper dive on sleep.

Shawna:

Which is so important and we have a delightful guest who's going to come

Shawna:

and talk to us more about that So next week we'll have Frances with us and

Shawna:

we'll get some very valuable information and perspective on sleep the importance

Shawna:

of that and some ideas around how to know when you should be worried or

Shawna:

not and what you can do about that so i'm excited for that conversation.

Shawna:

That will be our First guests of our season two.

Shawna:

Working with some of the Wonderful individuals in the network, I've

Shawna:

definitely learned All the pieces that slow you down and this network

Shawna:

takes the tech and the stress away.

Shawna:

While also providing mentoring, community, and the power of a network to make sure

Shawna:

podcasts have the ,base they need with the right support so they can last.

Shawna:

We're very proud of the majority of our podcasts our network we should

Shawna:

top 10% in their very first month.

Shawna:

There's a class you can take to ease you n to podcasting.

Shawna:

To learn about all the foundations that you'll I Need to help you

Shawna:

build a successful podcast.

Shawna:

If you go to bit.ly/podcastd2d It's a podcasting from dreaming to doing intro

Shawna:

series And it'll be offered live for four sessions starting april 27th is a

Shawna:

thursday tuesday thursday tuesday And if you dm me D2D on instagram I'll even

Shawna:

send you a discount code for $50 off.

Shawna:

If you live in the Portland, oregon area you can even join us in person we

Shawna:

have a limited number of seats for that that you'd be welcome to join us to get

Shawna:

to have a little bit of community as well as being able to do that learning.

Shawna:

All the sessions will be live broadcast and also recorded.

Shawna:

There's an upcharge of.

Shawna:

Able To have um continued access to the recordings if you aren't

Shawna:

able to make each of the evenings.

Shawna:

But hopefully we'll be able to be there and be part of the conversations

Shawna:

Cause there's a lot of value in that.

Shawna:

If you are someone who is ready to jump around, right in past the courses and

Shawna:

are ready for coaching and launching- DM me join and i'll send you info about

Shawna:

the network so that you can get right in and join all of these wonderful

Shawna:

individuals who are building Their podcasts even dreaming of and making

Shawna:

beautiful things happen out with their authentic connecting Out in the world.

Shawna:

All right Let's get onto our self care spotlight which needs to be changed

Shawna:

to life maintenance I need a catchy title you guys help me with this?

Shawna:

i can change it officially.

Shawna:

So my self care I was noting that i'm working way too much.

Shawna:

And i supposed to be savoring 2023.

Shawna:

y'all know this So i am actually going to the beach this weekend with my partner

Shawna:

and I'm so excited because we need it.

Shawna:

The weather's not even supposed to be that good and we don't care.

Shawna:

We need a little time away for the two of us and that is our favorite

Shawna:

thing is to get away for a couple of days and so we are going to take

Shawna:

a nice little weekend at the beach.

Shawna:

At a great place that i've been to i went on a little retreat there and

Shawna:

my partner has not been there yet so he's excited to see it for the first

Shawna:

time and we're just going to get away and has a nice long walk On the beach.

Shawna:

And a lot of resting and recovering and just chilling so

Shawna:

no work this weekend not allowed.

Shawna:

I finally hired some folks and we'll have some support so

Shawna:

that i can actually get away.

Shawna:

That was my way of making sure i was taking care of me getting back to it was

Shawna:

out of alignment and that was that i was working too much and I was taking over

Shawna:

too much and i was not happy about it so making some space for what's important.

Shawna:

Which is Quality time with the person that Is very dear to me so that we can connect

Shawna:

and i can get away a little bit and i'll do better work when i get back because

Shawna:

of it so i'm looking forward to that.

Shawna:

All right Grit Wit y'all so we're going to look at What we're going

Shawna:

to do to apply what we talked about.

Shawna:

About feelings as indicators.

Shawna:

We're going to plant a little seed With a concept about If others are doing the

Shawna:

best that they can for you to just kind of Noodle with that a little bit maybe

Shawna:

listened to the podcast from Brene Brown.

Shawna:

See what you think about that concept because they do a great job with it.

Shawna:

We're going to touch on it a little bit when we get to the burnout conversation.

Shawna:

But Just for you looking at you.

Shawna:

We're going to focus on emotions as indicators.

Shawna:

So when you have that knee-jerk emotion.

Shawna:

So remember it's actually six seconds that's being released.

Shawna:

What you do after that six seconds, With that chemical release in your brain

Shawna:

is what turns it into something that lasts longer that sticks with you more.

Shawna:

So with that six second release when you feel that to use that Curious

Shawna:

thing To kind of reflect on why you're having that stronger emotion.

Shawna:

Because we have lots of emotions.

Shawna:

you have joy, we have Love but we also have some stronger ones that you know

Shawna:

the ones i'm talking about the ones that can pinprick you a little bit, right?

Shawna:

When you have those to kind of stop and think about what

Shawna:

might be out of alignment.

Shawna:

What is happening That doesn't connect with how you want to be in

Shawna:

the world, and how you are in the world and when, how you're feeling?

Shawna:

And what that is that is for you.

Shawna:

It's a message for you not for anybody else.

Shawna:

Is it that you feel overwhelmed is it that you feel like you're not connected?

Shawna:

Is it that you feel you need more love and more joy?

Shawna:

Do you need More downtime?

Shawna:

Do you need More understanding??

Shawna:

Do you need more self-compassion?

Shawna:

What do you need?

Shawna:

What is this signaling for you?

Shawna:

What might this be an indicator for you?

Shawna:

And as much as If you're looking at this other person saying why are

Shawna:

you so loud and so out of control?

Shawna:

And stop and feel like is there somewhere in my life that

Shawna:

feels loud and out of control?

Shawna:

If i'm looking at you saying why aren't you getting everything done?

Shawna:

Is there somewhere in my life where i feel like why am i not getting everything done?

Shawna:

So even just trying to reverse what you're saying out really too inwardly

Shawna:

like how does the message for me?

Shawna:

Not for someone else cause i have no control over the someone else.

Shawna:

How has this the message for me.

Shawna:

So just start doing that.

Shawna:

Just give yourself The next 48 hours we're gonna give you a whole two days.

Shawna:

48 hours of just pausing when you have a pinprick emotion.

Shawna:

To be like what might this be an indicator of?

Shawna:

what might this message, For me, what might my body...

Shawna:

If this is the hot stove what am i supposed to pull him back

Shawna:

from ?When i say moving towards?

Shawna:

What else has to be moving around?

Shawna:

What might this be indicating they need to pay attention to?

Shawna:

So just start working with that and see if it if it resonates with you

Shawna:

because again not everything i say is going to resonate with all of you but

Shawna:

just see if that resonates with you.

Shawna:

Uh, suddenly you have a strong emotion with if there's some way that it

Shawna:

might connect with you in that way.

Shawna:

Something to think on I'd love to hear if this resonates with you

Shawna:

honestly because this is new to me as well and its new way of thinking.

Shawna:

So be kind of fun to find out from you so seriously instagram direct

Shawna:

messages best way to connect with me.

Shawna:

Sometimes it's hard for me to tell when i have new messages so if you don't

Shawna:

hear from a little while It's nothing personal it's just that it's taking me

Shawna:

a little while to know that it's a new message not just a Not just another

Shawna:

random person asking me to model their earrings or something random So it

Shawna:

might take me a minute to get back to you but i will find you and i will get

Shawna:

back to you just be patient with me.

Shawna:

But that is the best way to connect with me is on there.

Shawna:

Thank you so much for taking time To listen today and being part is community

Shawna:

You are the reason that the Grit Show is in the top 10% and has been for as long

Shawna:

as it has thank you so much for that And if there is someone you know Who might

Shawna:

be interested in this concept about emotions being indicators if you share

Shawna:

it with them you can both talk about it.

Shawna:

And see how it resonates with you And you never know they might just like

Shawna:

this show and become a listener and that would be amazing because we definitely

Shawna:

want to connect with more people that's why i'm here doing this that's

Shawna:

kind of the point and purpose right?

Shawna:

That would mean a lot just send them the link.

Shawna:

Thank you again for being here.

Shawna:

Remember You are the only one of you That this world has

Shawna:

got and that means something.

Shawna:

I look forward to connecting again next tuesday Have a good week

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