Shownotes
Wondering how to deal with tantrums — especially the ones that explode in public? The Tantrum TRUTH is that your child isn’t misbehaving; they’re signaling a deep emotional hunger they can’t put into words.
Discover the simple parenting shift that turns overwhelming moments into connection instead of chaos.
5 Key Takeaways:
1️⃣ Tantrums aren’t misbehavior — they’re unmet emotional hungers.
Children melt down when their nervous system feels overwhelmed, starved for connection, certainty, or significance.
2️⃣ Public meltdowns aren’t “performance tantrums.”
They’re primal survival signals—your child’s way of saying, “I can’t find you, and I need your calm.”
3️⃣ Negative attention still meets an emotional hunger.
Even yelling gives a child eye contact, intensity, and certainty—reinforcing the tantrum cycle without meaning to.
4️⃣ The real parenting shift is connection over control.
When you pause, attune, and meet the need beneath the behavior, the storm settles faster and trust grows stronger.
5️⃣ Emotional needs are ancient and hardwired.
Every tantrum reflects a basic human truth: children thrive on connection, presence, and felt safety—not perfection.
Timestamps
00:00 The Whole Foods Moment Begins
00:18 The Cry That Stops the Store
00:42 A Mom Holding It Together
01:05 Slowing the Moment Down
01:20 Welcome to the Anya Garcia Show
01:45 My Journey from Law to Homeschooling
02:22 Why Parenting Feels Overwhelming
02:46 You Don’t Need More—You Need Alignment
03:15 Your Child’s Limitless Potential
03:33 Back to the Waiting Child
03:56 “Mom… how long?”
04:18 From Waiting to Whining to Meltdown
04:45 “Stop it right now”—The Moment of Locking Eyes
05:03 Hidden Emotional Needs Being Met
05:27 Not a Bad Kid. Not a Bad Mom. A Human Needing Connection
05:50 The Nervous System Truth Behind Tantrums
06:12 Tantrums Are Communication, Not Misbehavior
06:32 The Parenting Shift: Control to Connection
06:55 The Emotional Hunger Beneath Tantrums
07:17 The 3 Emotional Hungers: Connection, Significance, Joy
07:47 When All Three Needs Are Missing
08:12 Why Kids Escalate to Get Needs Met
08:38 Why Negative Attention “Works” for the Brain
09:02 The Tantrum Cycle and Why It Repeats
09:23 Your Child Isn’t Testing You—They’re Reaching for You
09:47 Emotions Are Not Enemies—They Are Messengers
10:10 Introducing the Tantrum Tamer Workshop
10:36 Tools You’ll Learn Inside
11:00 Why Your Child Needs Attunement, Not Perfection
11:22 Final Reminder: Connection, Not Correction
11:45 Closing: Breathe, Connect, You’ve Got This
Resources & Links
📚 Research & Sources Mentioned
- Robbins, T. (2001). Awaken the Giant Within. Free Press.
- Edmeades, E. (2018). The Human Diet: The Foundation of WildFit. WildFit Publishing.
- Neufeld, G., & Maté, G. (2006). Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. Ballantine Books.
- Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Random House.
- Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2011). Key Concepts: Serve and Return.
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Transcripts
I was in Whole Foods, standing by the apple display, picking them one by one, checking for bruises, feeling for that perfect crispness. You know the trick, right? The firmer the skin, the fresher the pick. And then I heard it.
A piercing cry that cut straight through the hum of the store. A toddler, red-faced, thrashing in the cart, kicking, screaming, sobbing. People glanced over. Some shook their heads. And the mom. You could see her.
She was trying so hard to hold it together. Her shoulders tense, her breath shallow, her eyes darting, torn between embarrassment, frustration, and exhaustion.
And my heart just sank for both of them. Because if we could slow that moment down, rewind time just a few minutes, we would see what really happened.
Hey, my friend, and welcome to the Anya Garcia Show. Here we will explore.
Explore the science of learning, the art of parenting, and the mindset shifts that help you simplify your journey to amplify your growth. You see, I thought I would find purpose in courtrooms until motherhood showed me it was waiting at home.
So I traded my attorney briefcase for the beauty of homeschooling, depositions for diapers, and settlements for sensory play. I stepped off the legal path so that I can walk it with you.
Because parenting doesn't come with a manual or legal briefs, so no wonder it can feel overwhelming and messy. But I see you showing up every day, even when no one is watching. And that little voice, am I doing enough? I hear. But here is the truth.
You don't need more to be enough. Because more doesn't create peace. Alignment does. Progress matters more than perfection. And when you stop doubting, you start leading with confidence.
And before you know it, you have created a space where you and your child thrive. Because humans are born with this natural desire to learn and grow. And I am here to help you harness that.
Your child's potential is limitless, and so is yours. We just need to unlock it.
That little one strapped in the cart, feet dangling, hands fidgeting, eyes scanning the shelves, was doing their best to stay patient at first. And it's a soft, almost hopeful voice. Mom, how long? Mom, focused on the list, replies without looking up.
Just a few more minutes, honey, and that's it. The moment passes, at least for her. But for the child, the clock is ticking. Slowly, very slowly.
Ten minutes later, that quiet question turns into a whine, then into tears, then into a full-blown cry. Arms swinging, body arching, a scream that fills the aisle. People start to stare. Mom leans down, whispering through her teeth, stop it right now.
And suddenly a child does. Just for a second. His eyes look into hers.
Because in that instant, every emotional need they've been starving for—connection, attention, certainty—is met all at once. So what I saw wasn't a bad kid or an overwhelmed mom.
It was a little human strapped in, restricted from movement, craving connection, and void of the one thing they needed most: their parent's presence. Now, mom wasn't doing anything wrong either. She was just doing what we all do.
Trying to get through the list, trying to get dinner on the table, trying to survive the day. But in her child's nervous system, all that mattered was I need you and I cannot find you right now.
And when a child's need for connection goes unmet, the body screams it out for them. So here is the truth most parenting advice skips over. Tantrums are not misbehavior. They are communication.
They are the body's way of saying, my nervous system is overwhelmed and I need your calm to find mine. And when you understand that, everything changes. You stop taking tantrums personally and you start responding powerfully.
You shift from how do I stop this behavior? To what is this behavior trying to tell me? From control to connection is where emotional intelligence in parenting begins.
Now let's zoom in on what really happened in that grocery store moment. Because beneath every tantrum, there is something. An emotional hunger, a deep, hardwired need every human has. Here is what most parents miss.
Humans, no matter how small, have three fundamental emotional hungers: connection; significance, or feeling important; and variety and joy. That's it. Those are our emotional nutrients.
Think of connection, significance, joy as the fertilizer for your child's emotional growth. Without them, behavior wilts before it even blossoms. Now back to that little one strapped into the cart. A child had zero of them. Zero connection.
Mom's attention was on a shopping list. A child felt unimportant. They were not being seen or heard. And they definitely had no variety, no joy, and no adventure.
Just a metal cart, fluorescent lights, stillness, and boredom that felt endless. And you know what? The only thing that was certain for them is that they were uncomfortable and they had no idea how long this will last.
So what does a tiny human do when they're starving emotionally? They find a way—any way—to get those needs met. So their nervous system does exactly what it is designed to do.
They ask questions, they act out, they escalate, they cry, they knock things over, yell. And here is the wild part. When mom finally yells, stop it right now. For the child, as twisted as it sounds, that works.
When we finally react, even if we yell, they feel something electric. Because suddenly they have one hundred percent of her attention. Eye contact, connection, intensity, importance, certainty, definitely variety.
You see, every emotional need that was starving is suddenly fed. Even though it's negative attention, yet neurologically, the brain doesn't care. It works. And their little brain learns.
When I scream, I get mom's eyes, I get connection, I get attention. I matter. And that's how the cycle begins and repeats. So the next time your child melts down in public, remember this.
They're not testing you, they're reaching for you. They're trying to meet their emotional hunger the only way they know how. And our job is not to shut that emotion down, it's to help them digest it.
To model what calm looks like when chaos erupts. To meet their fire with presence, not punishment. Because emotions, even the big messy, inconvenient ones, are not enemies. They are messengers.
They are our body's built-in communication system saying, hey, something important is happening here. Pay attention. And that's exactly why I created the Tantrum Tamer workshop.
Because once you understand this deeper emotional language, you can stop reacting to the behavior and start responding beneath it. Inside this one hour workshop, I'll help you decode what your child's tantrum is really saying.
You will learn how to calm your own nervous system in seconds. And you'll know exactly what to say and what not to say in the heat of the storm.
And finally, you'll learn how to repair after the meltdown without guilt or shame. Because your child doesn't need perfection, they need attunement. They need your steady nervous system more than your perfect words.
When you know how to stay calm, confident and connected, tantrums stop being battles and start becoming bridges. So if this episode resonated with you, join my Tantrum Tamer workshop. Click on the link in the show notes to register.
And remember, every tantrum is a call for connection, not correction. You have the power to answer that call differently.
And if this episode helped you see tantrums in a new light, share it with another parent who needs a little peace today. So until next time, breathe, connect. And know you've got this. I'll see you soon.
