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Today, I’m diving into the most important lesson I’ve learned on my spiritual journey—how to reduce suffering. I started this journey because I was in a dark place, feeling overwhelmed and contemplating serious thoughts about ending it all. The main takeaway? Meditation is the key, but not in the way you might think. I’m going to simplify it for you because, honestly, all those complicated methods just added to my stress. We’ll talk about how to check in with yourself throughout the day and observe your thoughts without feeling like you have to do anything about them. So, stick around as we explore practical ways to find a little peace amidst the chaos.

The heart of this discussion revolves around a personal journey of overcoming deep suffering through spirituality, particularly meditation. The host, Stephen Webb, opens up about his own struggles with depression, loneliness, and the feeling of being at rock bottom at the age of 40. He shares a raw and honest account of his experiences with suicidal thoughts and how that dark period led him to seek ways to alleviate his pain. Stephen emphasizes that he was initially unaware he was embarking on a spiritual journey; he simply wanted to stop the suffering that felt unbearable. The episode dives deep into the transformative power of meditation as a tool for self-awareness and healing.

Stephen reveals that he found traditional forms of meditation incredibly difficult. His mind was always racing, and he felt overwhelmed by the constant barrage of thoughts. Instead of trying to silence his mind, he learned to observe his thoughts and feelings without feeling the need to act upon them. This realization marked a turning point for him. He explains that meditation, for him, became about checking in with himself throughout the day—taking moments to breathe and acknowledge how he was feeling without judgment or pressure to change anything.

Ultimately, the episode is a heartfelt invitation for listeners to consider meditation not as a daunting task but as a simple practice of awareness. Stephen encourages listeners to observe their thoughts and emotions rather than getting caught up in them. By sharing his personal journey, he offers a message of hope and a pathway towards peace, highlighting that inner calm can be achieved even amidst chaos and suffering.

Through this episode, Stephen aims to show that simplifying the concept of meditation can lead to profound changes in one's life. Whether sitting quietly in a park or simply being aware of the sounds around you, the goal is to cultivate a sense of stillness and presence that can ultimately help reduce suffering and enhance overall well-being.

Takeaways:

• Meditation is not about silencing your mind; it's about observing your thoughts.
• The key to reducing suffering is realizing you don't have to act on every thought.
• Just take timeouts throughout your day to check in with your feelings and thoughts.
• Life can get overwhelming, but simple practices can help create moments of stillness.
• You don't need a perfect meditation practice; just find what works for you personally.
• Observing your feelings without needing to change them is a powerful step towards peace.

If you are a regular listener to my podcast, you'll know that I keep saying the odd phrase like this will change your life or this will be the most important thing you take away from this podcast.

So I'm going to talk today about the most important thing that I've learned when I started my spiritual journey to reduce my suffering.

Because that was the whole reason I started my spiritual journey.

And I didn't know I was starting a spiritual journey.

I was just suffering really, really badly.

And I just wanted to find ways of not suffering to the point where I was ready to commit suicide.

I was ready to end everything just to reduce that constant pain of suffering.

And I want to share on this podcast what I found and ways I found, the ways I simpl it because it was way too hard for me to do it the way everybody else does it, or what seems to be the way everybody else does it.

Everybody I talk to seems to have a problem, actually, ironically.

So that's today's podcast.

You know what had the biggest impact on me when I was trying to reduce my suffering?

Welcome to Stillness in the Storms, the podcast that gives you a different perspective so you can live a more peaceful, positive and happier life.

I'm Stephen Webb, your host, and before I start, I want to say thank you to those that treated me to a coffee this week.

We got Maureen that's always treating me.

Thank you very much.

And a couple others will want to remain anonymous this week, but thank you.

It makes all the difference and I really do appreciate it.

And if you want to head to my website and either do that or download completely free the five simple practices for Inner peace, you can do that, just go to stephenweb.uk or one word V and a double B.

And the link will be right below this podcast@stephenweb.uk I will remind you at the end of the podcast, you don't have to worry about doing it now.

So welcome to this podcast.

You know, when I was 40, I was suffering.

I found myself single.

I found myself really where you really at the bottom and you cannot sink no lower.

I was totally, totally distraught.

I had no money, I didn't know where I was going.

I was depressed, I was fed up.

And to the point where a couple of times I contemplated suicide.

To the point that at one time I left my home to go and do it.

And I left a note on my printer saying, I'm sorry, but I've got to do this.

I cannot.

I just cannot do this anymore.

The pain was so great.

And through Everything.

And it's not just about me being paralyzed.

It's all the other things that come with normal life, you know, relationships and wanting to achieve and, you know, trying to be a masculine male and a paralyzed body and all those other things that you want to achieve.

And yeah, you know what?

It's like there's so much pressures nowadays.

You know, years ago we had the pressures of just like the local people around us and all that, the local towns, you, local friends.

We've got the whole world on our backs now.

And we got so much information, so much stuff.

It's just like, in it overwhelming.

And it just overwhelming.

It's like.

I'm going to share with you about meditation, which is.

Which is the one thing that changed my life more than anything else.

I had no idea how to do it.

I didn't think I could do it.

I thought it was impossible.

And you just type meditation into Google and you get literally thousands of different ways to meditate.

And I'm going to tell you a different way now.

I just needed it simplified.

And that was my point.

And I started reading books and it was the first time I read books in about 30 years.

I stopped reading books about 10 years old, actually, because I was diagnosed dyslexic.

And I found it really hard.

So I thought it was impossible.

So I didn't bother.

And I faked my way through school.

And you know, when I used to queue up for that English lesson, I was supposed to read a chapter of a book.

I would casually strike up a conversation with one of my friends and what did they think about the chapter?

What did they think about the main point of the chapter and all they would tell me and I would just, you know, just make my life easier.

I learned to fake it, basically.

And I could read headlines, so it's not like I couldn't read.

I just found reading really, really difficult.

So going back to.

I turned 40 and I hit rock bottom.

And I tell you, rock bottom so bad that I got to the point where I didn't even feel anything.

I didn't care.

I didn't think.

I just wanted to not suffer.

And it got so low that I even went beyond suffering to the point where I was just dormant.

I just did not exist.

I was just waking up and going through the motions.

If my carers hadn't come in and got me out of bed, I don't think I'd have got out of bed.

I would have done nothing.

I was in deep shame.

Deep.

Yeah, I was pretty low.

I don't know how many ways to explain it, but I started reading and every single book told me one thing.

I'd turn a page and go, meditation's the answer.

And here it was the answer.

But I couldn't do it.

I couldn't shut my mind off, which is what I thought they were all saying to me.

I couldn't sit there and meditate.

If I sit there and meditate now, I sit there, right?

Close my eyes and say, okay.

And the moment I close my eyes, my mind's like, oh, you got to do this.

You've got to do this.

You've got to go and sort tea out.

You haven't replied to that email.

I'll go.

Just play the game.

Just why are you doing this?

This is ridiculous.

And scratch your toe or all kinds of things.

The mind, my mind does not shut up for like a second, let alone a few minutes for meditation.

So I thought here the solution is that everybody is telling me, every guru in the world is telling me, and it'll improve your mental health and improve your concentration and improve your life, everything.

You'll suffer less if you just learn to meditate and have a meditation practice.

Yet here I was.

No way.

Not me.

Impossible.

So I tried it and I couldn't do it.

And I used to go to my weekly and monthly calls with Jumpo, one of my teachers, a Zen master.

Sadly, he's passed away now, but his teachings are so alive in me.

And I used to ask him nearly every week or every month, I can't remember now quite how often I'd get to ask him a question.

But I used to say, am I meditating right?

He used to say, just shut up and sit down.

Just used to go, stuff S T F U shut the up.

And that was it.

Just sit there and go, stafu, stafu.

And I wouldn't get it.

Literally, he would come back every week and he would say that to me again and again.

Just, stephen, just sit down and shut up.

Just listen.

And I wasn't getting it because I thought there was a right way of doing it.

Now, of course there's wrong ways to do a meditation, but if you want to have a little less suffering, if you want to just, ah, just, you know, relax, just forget meditation.

Forget this Holy Grail of sitting down and silencing your mind.

You can silence your mind.

Your mind was designed to think, designed to keep you alive, designed to make up all kinds of stuff about your current environment, to take notice of stuff, to bring it to your attention, to do all These things, it won't shut up.

You know, asking your mind to shut up is like asking your heart not to beat.

It's not a good idea.

You know, you're dead.

If you want a silent mind, you're dead.

That's it.

Your mind is not going to get quiet.

And even if you have a peaceful moment, your mind's still doing lots of other things.

It's just whether you're aware of it or not, that's the point.

So what do I do and what is my practice?

My practice is checking in as many times as possible during the day and just spending a couple of minutes.

Just when you get to somewhere or when you pull up the car or when you go somewhere, just try to get there a couple of minutes early, try to leave the house and just on the way somewhere, pull over and just stop for a couple of minutes and just take a breath and just check in.

And it's a simple check in.

Just go, how am I feeling?

And I can ask myself now, how am I feeling?

I'm feeling anxious.

I'm feeling like I want to get this podcast and get it all out and I'm going to forget things and I'm not going to get it all over and I'm not going to be able to articulate it in a perfect way for you to be able to get what I'm saying and I'm going to skip the notes and things like that.

So I'm anxious.

What else am I feeling?

I'm feeling really excited about a meeting I've got tomorrow that I cannot say anything about at this point.

I'm meeting someone really important and it's confidential at the moment.

I'm excited and terrified comes part of my job.

But yeah, I'm anxious about that.

But.

But I'm also excited because it could really lead to something and it could lead to something for Truro and to help other people and to help with different things.

So what else am I feeling?

My hands are hurting today.

They're really.

I got some root pains in my hands.

I'm paralyzed just below the neck, if you didn't know.

My arms and hands are paralyzed as well.

And my hands are really hurting today.

So my mind's racing, my heart's probably beating how fast it should be and that's it.

That's what's happening inside of me now and what I can do after the check in, I can go.

Thank you.

Thank you for letting me know I don't have to do anything with it.

And I think this is really important.

I'm feeling anxious.

I don't have to do anything with that.

My mind's racing.

I'd have to do anything with it.

You know, I'm a little excited about tomorrow's meeting.

I don't have to do anything with it at the moment.

And when you realize you don't have to do anything with these things, you can just be with them and go, ah.

So it's like shining a light on it.

It's like being in a room and you're wondering what that is over there in the corner on the floor, and you shine a light on it and it turns out it's just like a coin or something.

Before that, you thought it was a beetle or something.

You sound like, I don't need to do anything with it.

Now before that, you think you've got to do something with it because it might be something that's going to hurt you or hold you back or something that's going to make things worse for you.

So that's very often with our thoughts and our feelings, we feel like we have to do something with it.

And that's the beginning of my meditation.

And then I spend just.

If I've got a couple more minutes, I'll just spend them just observing what comes up.

Oh, there's a thought, there's another one.

There's a sound.

I just heard the birds.

I don't know if you can hear them, but the birds are just flying over.

I don't have to do anything with the birds.

Just acknowledge them and go, ha.

Flying home.

It's late in the afternoon.

I don't know.

There's a feeling in my right hand right now, like a.

Like a sharp pain.

Go through it.

I don't have to do anything with it.

And these things come and go.

And I think that's the point of my meditation.

And it's just the awareness meditation.

There's hundreds of different types of meditation.

Find what you want, what helps for you.

But what I'm saying is, don't try to dismiss meditation because you cannot do it.

Just start with the simplest of meditations.

Just literally don't even call it meditation.

Just call it timeouts.

I'm going to sit there and observe.

I'm going to sit there and just become aware of what's coming up.

And if you find becoming aware of what's internal in your body difficult, just sit there and become aware of the clouds.

Become aware of the temperature, the weather.

Become aware of the sounds.

Sounds is a beautiful one because there's nothing you can do with the sounds.

You try blocking them out.

You can't do that.

You try bringing yourself more attention to them.

You can do that a little bit.

You just listen.

Like now, right now, what can you hear?

What can you hear beyond this podcast?

Beyond my words appearing and then disappearing and the silences between them.

What can you hear outside right now?

Pull the car up and just go, what can I hear the furthest distance I can hear.

And every time you hear something, can I hear something further away?

And that'll just relax the body.

It'll give you.

It'll give you this little moment of gap between what's arising and what you do with it and deciding whether you do anything with it.

And that's the holy grail of meditation.

It's up that muscle of being able to see what's arising and whether you do anything with it or not.

And very often, 99% of your thoughts, you don't have to do anything with.

You don't have to do anything with most of what's going on inside of your body, what's going on outside the world.

You're not in control of it.

You're not in control of your next thought.

You're not in control of how your body's feeling yet.

We're trying to organize it.

We're trying to control all these things constantly, and we just cannot.

We're not in control of it.

You know, it's like sat there and trying to control your thoughts is like sat on a bench on a busy road trying to control what color cars turn up around the corner.

Well, you're not gonna.

You're not in charge of that.

You know, that's way above your pay grade to be in charge of what kind of cars.

That's some.

I don't know, in the universe somewhere, perhaps there's somebody up there that's actually got that job somewhere in the universe on some planet millions of miles away, controlling what color cars come down the road.

I pretty much doubt it.

But, you know, how do I know how the universe works is way above my pay grade.

But the point is, you're not in control yet.

You're trying to be.

I didn't like that.

I didn't like that noise.

I didn't like that color.

Color.

I didn't like that.

Okay, you might not sit on a bench and you are judging cars, but it's a really good metaphor for you're judging your thoughts as they come and go.

I don't like that one.

I don't want this one.

Where did that one come from?

And we get on them, we're literally getting in that car that we don't like, and then we're complaining that we're in that car.

That's the reality of our lives.

We have a thought, we go on it, we ride that thought and we make it worse and worse and worse.

That's like getting in the car, stopping it as it drives past us.

We get in the car and then we're complaining to the driver that we're in the car.

Don't like this car.

I don't know why it's here.

You know, it really annoys me whenever I.

Whenever I'm in this car.

It really annoys me.

No, that's what we're doing.

So what changed my life?

It's observing my thoughts, observing my feelings, and realizing I don't have to do anything with it.

Wow, what a difference.

So what does that practice look like for me?

Well, it literally looks like what I've just told you, just stopping and taking time out.

If you see me driving around Truro in my electric wheelchair, you'll see me sometimes sat next to a bench, or just sat there watching cars, or just sat there talking.

Just whatever I'm doing, just taking a little time.

Doubts.

Sometimes I get distracted by birds or something like that, or, you know, whatever's around and I just sit there and watch it, and that's it.

But that little moment is often why I'm late everywhere, probably.

But those little timeouts are enough.

And I gotta be honest, I have counsellors, you know, when I'm chairing a council meeting, it's really difficult for me because I train myself into.

I don't have to do anything with that.

And then the council of meetings, they're throwing stuff at me and they're expecting me to do something with it, which is like the opposite end of it.

So I ought to do something with this.

You know, he's asking me something even in there.

Sometimes I don't have to do anything with it.

And it's that.

It's that little bit of a gap between what's been thrown at me and whether I need to do something with it.

So you think today of how many times you've had thoughts and you've gone with them and you didn't need to, or how many times you've had feelings and things like that, and you've really doubled down on them rather than just let them go.

And that's what I think meditation is about.

You know, why complicate things?

Just find that little bit of stillness.

Just find that.

You don't even have to find a bench in the middle of nowhere beside a river.

That's a lovely, peaceful area in a lovely forest with loads of birds chirping.

No, you can literally be in the most busiest town on the busiest road and still sit there and go, huh, I don't have to do anything with these cars.

I don't have to do anything with these thoughts.

You know, the external world and the internal world are the same thing.

They really are.

They're not different.

They are different.

They're not different.

That's the paradox.

You know, we're trying to.

We get really annoyed by the internal world, but it's just happening to us.

You know, the thoughts and feelings are happening to you.

You're not in control of them.

You know, when you realize that, it's like, really.

And when you get it, it's so.

It's so simple that we've complicated it for such a long time.

It's not complicated because we suffer so much, because we think the Holy Grail is out there and it's some kind of magic formula and it's some kind of thing.

We're looking for.

We're looking for the five ways, simple ways to find inner peace.

You know, download my book from my website.

You know, that's quite simple.

It's.

Get more sleep, take timeouts.

You know, use mindfulness.

There's little tips and techniques on improving those.

You know, you can have really effective timeouts or you can have really ineffective ones, but above all, just simplify it.

And the more you simplify, the more you stop trying to read blogs and stop trying to go to podcasts and stop trying to do all these different things.

And look at.

Looking for that one thing that suits you.

Just stop simplify things.

Untangle the knot, you know, realize you don't have to do anything with it.

And that's the thing that stopped.

That's the thing that changed my life massively.

I have a thought.

Wow.

It's just a thought, you know, If I don't hang on to it, it'll be gone in 10 seconds and I won't ever remember it again.

Sometimes I have the most crazy thoughts that I could never even put out in public.

And luckily, I don't hold on to them long because I'd probably get in trouble if anybody could look at my face and see what I was thinking.

You know, have you ever driven down the road and thought something and it would hurt people?

It would be awful.

You Know if you did that, it's just your mind thinking of scenarios to protect you and protect others.

It needs to think of it in order to stop you doing it.

Like very much when the mum says, don't fall out of the tree, they have to visualize falling out the tree in order to stop, you know, doing it.

So that mum thinks, ah, I hope he don't fall out of the tree.

I must tell him not to fall out the tree.

So it makes scenarios up.

That's what the mind does.

That's how the mind keeps us alive and healthy and, you know, but we end up putting too much weight on them.

That's the thing.

I hope this helps.

If this helps in any way, please give me a review.

Reviews on Apple are absolutely awesome.

If you do that, you will be my best friend.

If you, if you leave a review, wherever you, wherever you listen to my podcast, if you give it stars or follow it or whatever the button is, I don't know, you know, if it's on Spotify, follow it.

If it's on Amazon, podcast, I don't know, like it or something.

And if it's on Apple, you know, give it a five star.

No, give it any stars.

If it's only one and worth one, give me that.

And then at least I will know whether or not where I need to improve and where I need to not improve.

So, and if it's worth five stars, give me five stars as well.

But if you want to have a little more peace of mind, if you want a little more wisdom and a little more positivity and all that in life, just realize what you, what you have to do something with and what you don't.

And the first step in that is just sitting down and observing.

Watching the cars for a little longer, watching the thoughts for a little longer, shining a light on those feelings and thoughts without actually doing anything with it.

You know, the light is very much one way.

When you shine a torch on something, it's literally just shining a light on it and that's it, that's done, job done.

It's a one way thing.

Look at it, observe it, see it.

It's a one way action.

You don't have to bring it back with you and make things worse, which is so often we do.

So forget meditation, just time helps.

And observe what's going on.

Ask the question, what's happening?

How am I feeling?

What are my thoughts?

What's happening?

And don't do anything with them.

So head over to stephenweb.uk thank you for the support.

You are awesome.

I love you and have the most amazing week.

Bye.