Shownotes
On Inner Peace: Better Health, hosted by Nazish, this episode with Dylan Bost explores the quiet power of pausing before responding.
If you often feel pressure to react quickly, this conversation is for you. Dylan shares how burnout, inner patterns, and unprocessed experiences shape leadership. You’ll walk away with a grounded way to lead—with clarity, not urgency—and build a more sustainable, authentic way of showing up.
About the Guest:
Dylan Bost is a CEO, co-founder, author, and leader with over 30 years in design, technology, and business. He is the author of The Seven Mirrors and focuses on intentional leadership and self-awareness.
Episode Chapter:
00:00 – Introduction to calm leadership
03:10 – The moment everything looked “successful” but felt empty
08:45 – What calm leadership really means
13:20 – Why pausing feels uncomfortable
18:05 – The hidden roots of reactive leadership
24:10 – A simple practice: pause before responding
28:30 – Final reflections on authentic leadership
Key Takeaways:
- Pause creates clarity—reaction creates noise
- Leadership starts with inner awareness, not control
- Unprocessed experiences often drive workplace behavior
- Slowing down improves decision quality and presence
- Sustainable success requires balance, not constant pressure
How to Connect With the Guest:
- Dylan Bost's Website
- Free resource: https://sunnyhq.io/podcast/
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Transcripts
00:00:09 Nazish: Welcome to Inner Peace Better Health, where we explore the deep connection between how we feel on the inside and how we show up in the world. I am your host, Nasir, and my guest today is Dillon Bost, CEO, co founder, author, and someone who has walked the full arc of building, burning out and rebuilding with intention. Dillon brings over thirty years across design, technology and business and his books. The Seven Mirror offers a framework for identity awareness and intentional leadership. So today we are exploring something that touches all of us. Calm leadership and the difference between reacting and responding. Welcome to the show, Dylan.
00:00:57 Dylan Bost: Yeah. Thanks for having me, I appreciate it.
00:01:00 Nazish: Wonderful. Before we go ahead, listeners, some statements reflect personal belief and experiences and are presented as individual views, not medical advice. Listeners should consult qualified professionals for medical conditions.
00:01:18 Nazish: Thank you so much and welcome to the show, Dylan. So yeah, before we go any deeper, Dylan, I'd love to ask you something personal, like you have talked about building agencies burning out and then rebuilding from a place of alignment. So in your own life, when did you first realize that the way you were leading was costing you something you couldn't afford to keep losing?
00:01:44 Dylan Bost: Yeah. It, um, you know, really happened probably when I was a little over forty and somewhat cliche, I think. Right. We all go through this time in our lives when we all of a sudden realize that we're not the most important and important thing. Um, and that there's things outside of ourselves. And, you know, for me, there was an existential break. Um, on paper, everything looked absolutely fantastic. Uh, wife and three children, um, a glorious business, lots of clients, a full staff of really incredible people that I worked with. And yet, um, I at one point one afternoon, I remember standing up and just kind of saying out loud, why am I doing this? Um, and so I ran a branding agency, a marketing agency. And, um, you know, there was this really deep concern that I had because I didn't, although the work was really great. Um, I valued it. Um, but I had this question of what will be the importance of what I'm doing now. In ten years, you know, what am I actually doing for the world? Not so much in the sense of, you know, making the world a better place and that kind of thing. Um, although that's important, it was really this, this existential question of what is the value that I'm bringing? Will people even and not even for notoriety sake? It's I hope this translates, um, you know, for really this deep question of just wanting to provide value to the world around me. And, and I didn't know the answer to that question. It was the first time in my life that I had it was a kind of a two pronged issue. One, I didn't have the answer. Um, not that I have all the answers, but I was always willing to find the answer really quickly. And, and, and yet to this was not a surface level issue, right? This wasn't um, a trivial, um, a trivial question. This was something that cut to the core of myself. And so that was the point at which I really didn't have that answer, and I didn't know what to do. And, um, for me, it unfortunately, there was a slow burn to this, um, you know, to this complete breakdown, um mode. Um, and, and, but that was, that was the beginning, that was the first time I realized that I need something else. I've got to figure out a way to, to, to solve this, this challenge, this problem.
00:04:11 Nazish: Absolutely. You know, there are always these experiences which teach us a lot and which helps us grow in the ways we never thought we could. And yeah, just like you said, we don't have all the answers. But if you keep but if we keep looking for them, we are going to grow and come out as a better person and a better place.
00:04:31 Dylan Bost: Yeah, absolutely.
00:04:33 Nazish: Yeah. So when people hear calm leadership, I think a lot of them saw pictures. Someone who just doesn't get rattled, like someone naturally cool under pressure, but I have a feeling like that's not exactly what it means. So what do people misunderstand about what calm leadership actually is?
00:04:55 Dylan Bost: Yeah. You're right. I mean, here's the here's the thing. So, um, you know, I've done a lot of work. I continue to do the work. I think it's for me, you know, everything that I talk about is a practice. And so it, you know, what calm leadership looks like to me is, um, and it's, I think the title of this podcast is, is it starts with a couple of things. Um, being able to pause, um, being able to sit still, um, being able to hear your own thoughts, giving yourself the grace for that. Um, and then moving into a place where we're responding instead of reacting, um, you know, everything else and we can get into it. Everything else will come after that. But that's where it really starts. Because if you think about this, right, if you think about the way that we're talking right now. The cadence of my voice, the the way that I'm listening and being present to, to what you're saying. And then taking a minute before I respond, I'm not jumping in really quickly and talking really fast. And then we have that tendency in work, right? We have a tendency in our professional lives to we're solving problems as fast as we can. We're optimizing our life. And in reality, that drives our nervous system crazy. Um, so, so it begins with that pause. It begins with sitting still in that moment. And, and it's uncomfortable, right? Um, it can be a really uncomfortable. It's funny. Um, you know, I've talked to a lot of people, we've kind of dissected this and, and the reality is to everyone outside yourself, it looks and feels really good. I think the reason why we have a hard time with that is, is for us to be, you know, we, you know, whether you call it calm leadership or for that pause, um, that time, it seems to, um, you know, those few seconds seem like they're years And. And in those in-between moments, we feel like we need to fill every void, um, with our voice. Um, that if we're not talking or filling the space that we're not solving or we're not, we're not showing others that we know how to lead. And when in reality, um, the people that I've looked at in my life that I most respect, um, they, they don't demand, um, that presence, they, they really quietly command it, um, just in their, in their quiet, in their pauses. Um, you tend to listen more because, you know, with that empty space around the discussion, it gives though the other person a moment, um, to, to enter into that same flow and to think about, um, you know, what the discussion is about to think about the problem at hand. And so that, that, you know, what, what ends up translating into calm is to me is, is that it's, you know, it's the most basic principle is, is a series of basically silences as a series of pauses. Um, and that really helps us to move into, into the different layers.
00:07:51 Nazish: Yes. That is such a different perspective. And that is such a beautiful reframe, I must say. You know, it's not about suppressing the reaction. It is about building enough inner space to choose something different and that different. That's a very different kind of strength that that what most leadership culture talks about.
00:08:16 Dylan Bost: Yeah, one hundred percent. I mean, I think that what, what I strive for in my own life and with the people that I work with, is teaching that moment of and teaching it to myself is that that opportunity to and here's the thing, right? The opportunity for, for evolution, for growth, for change starts with these little tiny pieces. Um, and, and so it's funny how there's there's there's the short pause and there's the long pause, meaning as I, as I continue to. And we'll just call it the pause, I continue to have these breaks. Um, as I continue to respond over reaction. Once you know, you add enough of those things together that starts to equal this, this greater change in my behavior. Um, we're training ourselves to, to be available and to be present in each of those moments.
00:09:10 Nazish: And you know, I believe that is what is more sustainable, like in a longer run. That is the sort of, uh, reaction that is a sort of leadership that is more sustainable.
00:09:23 Dylan Bost: Yeah. I don't love, um, I was just listening to something, I read something recently and it was like, and it was either a podcast or some written article and it was like lead with an iron fist. And, and I don't believe that I believe in accountability. I believe in responsibility. Um, but I believe as a leader, you know, our job is to, you know, we've heard of this, right? There are no, you know, there's no bad students, there's only bad teachers and, and, and, and so it's not that, um, you know, we need to forcefully direct the people around us. Um, to me, if you have to do that, you have the wrong people working around you, right? I mean, to me, that's a whole different problem. Um, we should be able to be in an atmosphere in our work environments where we're helping each other be the best that they can be. If they're not, then they're simply in the wrong role. They're in the wrong position. And you should, you know, you should separate ways or you should move them into the right role. Um, that challenge is, is, is to, is by, I think here's the thing I search for in business. Yes. At the end of the day, business is about money. It's about how much money, how much performance I can have, but that can't sustain itself in that one dimension for performance and performance sake. Um, I'm a testament to that. I worked really hard for about fifteen years, um, the peak of it and about the last ten years of before that kind of breakdown point. And the reality is I was really good at what I did. Um, I got lots of feedback, lots of pats on the back, lots of awards. We made lots of money. But you know, half of my life, arguably the most important, half the personal part suffered because of that. Um, and I was incapable of meeting the needs of the people around me. I was incapable of even meeting my own nervous system needs because I was driving that hard. So I think we're that, you know, where we have to make those shifts is learn how to be, you know, learn how to evolve in our business lives because, you know, you can do that for a little bit. And yeah, when you've got obviously when we have these, you know, big project pushes or big responsibilities, you have to work harder in those periods of time. But you have to balance that out though, by periods of stillness, by periods of reflection, by periods of working with the team. So that the next time we're in that really heavy period that we're working more methodically with one another, we're working in more of a concert that we're not, you know, kind of fighting and struggling with the things that happen that we're working through, the things that happen together.
00:12:09 Nazish: I completely agree with it. And, you know, you have spent over three decades at an intersection of design, technology and building businesses. And that is a really long time to observe pattern. So what do you think sits underneath those reactive leaderships? Like not just the behavior, but what is driving it further down?
00:12:33 Dylan Bost: I think it's a lot of things. Um, I think that it's, you know, I think at its core, um, it comes down to a lot of internal work. You know, we're ignoring, you know, be really honest. It comes from a place of not recognizing, you know, traumas of all kinds and these traumas, right? They don't have to be that, that I was, um, you know, that I, you know, was mistreated in some awful way as a child. I mean, traumas, say traumas, you know, really a relative term. And, and in my book, it's, it's we process these things whether I had, you know, deep wounds from, from a child, um, or simply I was in a car, car wreck. Um, or, um, I was a latchkey kid, um, and didn't have parent involvement, you know, all of these things present themselves in a way. And ah, unless we acknowledge those when we're kids and most of us don't, um, unless we have really, um, aware parents who help us through those things, Typically, those don't come around until maybe we're in our twenties. We I think we have the first opportunity as we grow into our twenties, if we don't start to acknowledge them, they're like, I didn't. Right? Had no awareness. We tend to just push them down a little deeper, pack them in a little tighter. Um, but at some point, here's the deal. That trauma is going to escape no matter what. It might be in your twenties and thirties 40s, God forbid we're in our sixties or 70s and we become that crotchety old man, right? But at the end of the day, unless we address those, those things are at the root. We can talk about a lot of other things. I think they come from this and that. But honestly, that to me is where is where they come from. Um, if we don't address those, if we don't start to do some form of inner work, whatever that is, um, if we don't start to acknowledge, um, and for me, it was recognizing, um, the interesting thing is again, you know, I mean, I was a latchkey kid, Um, I don't, I don't pinpoint any one trauma, traumatic experience when I was a child. I don't say. I mean, fortunately, I had loving parents. It's not like my parents beat me, right? It's not like I had some, um, you know, sexual molestation or some awful thing. Um, but there were issues in my life that I'd never thought about. I'd never they'd never come to the surface. I'd never allowed them to. And so that came out sideways in a lot of different forms. It came out with, with not being patient around my family. Right. And, and really not even recognizing where. So they were these behaviors that, that presented themselves from what was modeled to me by other people in my life. Right? They were, they were, they were aspects of myself that actually weren't mine that I borrowed. Um, so I think, and that those become driving factors in our, in our professional life as well. And they may not be, um, I mean, they may be that guy's an asshole. Um. You know, that manager's an ass. Um. Or it might just simply be that. That, you know, he treats me in this way, or I treat my employees in a certain way. That's that's not in concert with with what I really feel and how I really care about them. But I think until we get to those deeper points in ourselves, until we allow ourselves to really look at that and do some work around them that we can't really address those symptoms. We can we can put Band-Aids on them, but we really can't heal them.
00:16:03 Nazish: Yes, that is so true. You know, this is something really honest in that because a lot of leaders will talk about stress, workload, workload as the cause. But what you are pointing to sounds more fundamental. It is about, you know, landscape that someone is operating from long before the triggers even show up. Like you've mentioned yourself that they are things that never surfaced that nobody knows, but they are there.
00:16:31 Dylan Bost: Yeah. I mean, and that's what I said. That's the root of it. I mean, you can definitely don't get me wrong. There's layers to it too, right? I mean, if there's stress, um, there's a lot of things that you can do before. If you're not ready for those deeper things, then, you know, I look at life as is is very simple. Um, you know, you know, there are two paths. There's, there's the direction that that feels good and that doesn't feel good if we, let's be honest, if we keep pushing the direction that doesn't feel good, then we only have ourselves to blame. So that means if I'm constantly having issues with my customers or clients or I'm constantly having, you know, disagreements with the people around me at work, then you can attack it two pronged, right? We can do some inner work, but you can also make a conscious decision to figure out what is it, you know, that person's in the wrong role, or I'm serving the wrong clients and then make the hard decision to do something different. For me, that was, you know, when I was having that question about what, you know, why am I doing this? What? Why? You know what? Who am I serving in this current role in my, in my agency? Um, I should have made the decision to put into place a plan to exit that that should have been the clear red flag. It said, you know what, even though this feels good, the money feels good, the awards feel good. You can't sustain this. And you know, these are they're hard questions we have to answer or ask ourselves. Um, but they're important. And, and some of them are not so, so hard. Um, but it's to recognizing those two paths to be really clear. And again, if you keep pressing down the friction path, um, then, then it's never going to change, but you can easily turn a different direction, but you have to make a clear decision and not try. Just do it.
00:18:25 Nazish: Yes, I agree with you. You know, like you said, just do with that. That really makes a lot of sense. Just you don't have to be stuck there, but you have to be focused. You have to be aware. You have to be mindful towards what is going to help you and what is not. That is such a beautiful reframe, I'd say. Yeah. And, you know, there is something I think a lot of people in leadership roles feel, but rarely say out loud, like the pressure to react quickly is often rewarded. Fast decisions, quick responses always on. So in the real world, in meeting in crisis with the team counting on you, what is choosing response over reaction actually looks like? Like how does it look? How does it live in with the body of regular workday?
00:19:19 Dylan Bost: Well, I mean, I'd say I say try this on. So I mean, I think for the ninety nine percent of us that are not in the world of the military or emergency response or, you know, or a doctor, for instance. Right. This this maybe doesn't work for them, although I'd say that, um, even Navy Seals talk about, you know, um, the box breath, um, before entering in a situation. Right. But still, I think, um, you know, it's pervasive, this need to, to be fast that the person with the first answer is the right answer. I'd say just try this out once. Um, try it out for a week where you hear something in a meeting, um, and you want to respond and maybe you're typically the person that responds all the time, don't respond and let someone else respond first. Maybe you did have that even let's argue this. Maybe you had the perfect answer. Let someone else respond. Or in worst case, let someone else react to it. Then introduce your idea. And if the person that spoke before you. You can work off that. Great. But I think that you'll find, um, an interesting thing is I would be willing to bet that that the majority of the time your response will be much more on target because you've given yourself even a few moments, even five seconds to, you know, we're all really, really smart. Um, but the reaction part of this is, I think more out of, on one hand, um, to one end of the spectrum can be egoic that I need to respond to this to show my value. Um, so in that unless you are incredibly smart and always right, um, then your reaction to that is, is got a, got a fifty fifty chance of being on target, but you're going to have one hundred percent chance of being on target being true to yourself. I'm not saying your answer is going to win, right. But it will be a more authentic version of you that you're going to bring into that situation. Um, and at the end of the day, try that for a week. Um, see how it feels afterwards. I think that your entire day will, will be better. It'll be smoother. Um, because you will feel less the need to, to be that person that, that, that always has the answer more it, there'll be a sense of empowerment that comes from that. I'll be more thoughtful, um, in how I'm answering, um, to, to things that are inside my skill set.
00:21:56 Nazish: Yeah. I mean, that is, that is very true. And it is so grounding because we often treat leadership as a mental skill and not as a strategy like communication decision, but what you are describing. It is also as a body skill, like learning to read your own internal state before it starts reading you to have that weight before you just start reacting.
00:22:22 Dylan Bost: Yeah. And I think it's, it's interesting too. There's no doubt. I mean, we're we're all very complex people and situations are complex. The the practice, though, is meant to help us tap into something that's a little deeper. The practice is meant to, to help us show up in, in these personal situations, in these work situations. And at the end of the day, you know, be more effective. Um, you know, I think back to, to years of being in business and, and, you know, being one of those people at the table and whether you're early in your career and you're, you know, you're trying to like, you're trying to lay claim to, to, um, to, to look and play the part that you're maybe uncomfortable in, you know, that brings its own challenges. Um, or maybe you're later in your career and, and you think you're still trying to keep up with, I've got to be the person that everyone trusts. Um, the reality is, I think if we back up a step and, and just be who we are and think about, um, think about what's in front of us, the opportunity to, to, to be that authentic version of ourself is the most important thing.
00:23:35 Nazish: I completely agree with you being the, your real authentic self is something that we all must, you know, we all must hold on to.
00:23:48 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely.
00:23:49 Nazish: So, you know, I, I want to ask you, like, you know, uh, for, for people who felt something in this conversation, want to explore your work and find the seven mirrors and connect with what you are building at sunny HQ. Where is the best place for them to find you?
00:24:07 Dylan Bost: Yeah. You can visit my personal website, it's Dylan dot com. Um, and all the information about the book and my coaching programs and speaking if anyone's interested. And then, um, please visit if you are in the world of technology, are you on a business and looking for some help with your hosting, your website and full managed service? Just visit sunny hq dot io slash podcast and there's a really cool free giveaway. Um, it's a, it's a downloadable PDF that will help you ask a few questions. And there's a speed audit that's all for free. Um, but download that and that'll give you some really thoughtful questions about how you can help and guide your own business.
00:24:52 Nazish: Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I will make sure to include all these details into the show notes. So a lot of people can reach out to you. And you know, Dylan, if there is one thing that I am going to be holding on from this conversation, is this the most powerful person? Leadership isn't a weakness or a delay. It is the moment where you get to choose who you actually are.
00:25:16 Speaker 3: Yeah. Thank you. It's beautiful.
00:25:18 Nazish: Absolutely. So thank you so much for joining us today. And this conversation with you was a reminder that peace is in the absence of presence pressure. It is knowing who you are when the pressure arrives.
00:25:35 Speaker 3: Absolutely.
00:25:36 Nazish: Yeah. To everyone listening, thank you so much for joining us. Whatever you are leading to leading a team, a business, your own life, the inside work matters. It might be the most important work there is. This has been inner peace, better health. I am Nazish and take care of yourself and we will see you in the next episode.
