Have you ever noticed how quickly you ask everyone else what they think before asking yourself?

If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, that isn't because you're indecisive—it's because you learned to survive by paying attention to everyone else's needs before your own.

In this week's Tammy's Takes, I expand on one of the biggest takeaways from my conversation with therapist and author Shari Foos: learning to reconnect with your own voice.

As children, many of us became experts at reading the room. We learned to recognize moods, anticipate conflict, and make ourselves smaller to stay safe. Over time, we became incredibly skilled at understanding everyone else—but disconnected from ourselves.

Healing isn't about learning to make perfect decisions.

It's about trusting yourself enough to make a decision, adjusting when you need to, and believing you'll be okay either way.

In this episode, I talk about why self-trust is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, how your nervous system influences your decision-making, and one simple practice you can begin using today to start rebuilding confidence in your own inner voice.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to listen to my full conversation with Shari Foos on this week's episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction. Her insights on storytelling, authenticity, and healing beautifully complement today's conversation.

Healing doesn't happen all at once—it happens one small, intentional step at a time.

If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to connect. Whether you're interested in scheduling a Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call, learning more about my AO Voice Scan, exploring coaching, or simply discovering resources that can support your healing journey, check out my links below and reach out in whatever capacity feels most aligned for you.

Remember, you don't have to navigate healing alone.

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

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Hello everybody, and welcome back

to another episode of Tammy's Takes,

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where we take powerful conversations

with our guests and we turn them into

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practical strategies that you can

use right here, right now, today.

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So this week I had the privilege of

talking with therapist and author

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Shari Foos, and she said one thing

that really stayed with me, and

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I wanna talk about that today.

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She talked about learning

to listen to yourself again.

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And the more I thought about it after our

conversation, the more I realized this

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is one of the biggest struggles I see,

not just in my coaching clients, but in

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almost every adult child of dysfunction.

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People will come to me and

they'll ask me questions like,

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"What do you think I should do?

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Should I leave the relationship?

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Should I stay?

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Should I take the job?

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Should I set the boundary?

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Should I move?

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Should I forgive them?"

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The list goes on and on.

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And while I'm always happy to help people

think through those decisions, what I

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really want to do is to help them empower

them to make the decisions themself,

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I don't want them to need me forever.

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I want them to learn to trust

themselves again, because that's

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what dysfunction steals from us.

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If you grew up in a healthy home,

you probably learned that your

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thoughts mattered, your feelings

mattered, your opinions mattered.

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You were encouraged to explore who

you were and really realize who

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you were and embrace that self.

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But when you grew up in chaos, abuse,

addiction, emotional neglect, your

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shift, your focus shifts completely.

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Instead of asking

yourself, "What do I need?"

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you start asking, "What does

everybody else need from me?"

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So instead of wondering how you feel,

you're wondering how everyone else feels.

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You gain so many skills.

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And while they helped you

when you were little, they

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might not be serving you now.-

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One of the biggest things, is you became

incredibly skilled at reading a room.

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You can hear a sigh from across the

house and know that someone is upset.

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You recognize the sound of

footsteps coming down the hallway.

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With me, the biggest thing,

was the key in the doorknob.

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You know the look on someone's

face even before they say a word.

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You learn to anticipate

everybody's emotions because

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that's what helped you survive.

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And while, , that may have helped

you when you were a child, and it may

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have even protected you as a child,

it becomes exhausting as an adult.

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The problem is, we become so good

at listening to everyone else that

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we stop listening to ourselves.

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We literally stop trusting ourselves.

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I think that's why so many adult

children struggle with decision-making.

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We second-guess ourselves.

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We overthink everything.

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We ask five different people

for advice, hoping someone will

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tell us the "right answer."

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, We're looking everywhere but from

our own instincts and our own gut.

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But here's the truth, guys.

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Healing isn't about learning

to make perfect decisions.

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Healing is about trusting yourself

enough to make a decision at all,

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adjust if you need to, and know

that you'll be okay either way.

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One of my favorite moments from our

conversation with Shari was when

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she shared the Miles Davis quote:

"It's not the wrong note you play,

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it's the note you play after."

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God, isn't that so true?

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So many of us spend years obsessing

over the wrong things, the wrong

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relationships, the wrong career, the

wrong marriage, the wrong decision,

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the wrong things we said 20 years ago.

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But healing doesn't happen

because you finally erase that

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wrong note It doesn't erase it.

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It happens when you decide what

note you're gonna play next.

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So this is where your power

is, and this is where the

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nervous system comes into play.

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And you know I always bring

the nervous system into it.

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So if you've lived in survival mode for

many years, your nervous system is no

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longer asking you, "What do I want?"

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It's asking, "What is the safest choice?"

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And sometimes, now that we're an

adult, those aren't the same thing.

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Many times they are, but honestly,

most of the time they're not.

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Your body is still trying to

protect you based on experiences

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that happened decades ago.

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It doesn't always realize that

you're no longer that scared

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little child trying to survive.

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That's why rebuilding self-trust is

such an important part of healing.

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Not because you never make

another mistake, because you will.

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We all will.

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We are not perfect.

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Nobody's perfect.

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It's such a myth, and it

drives me absolutely crazy

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that we strive for perfection.

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But honestly, what you need to do

is believe that even if you make

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the wrong choice, you have the

strength to handle what comes next.

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That changes absolutely everything.

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So today I wanna leave you

with a simple challenge.

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Before you ask someone else

for - advice this week, I want you

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to pause, take a deep breath, and

ask yourself these three simple

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questions: "What do I really think?"

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"What do I really feel?"

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and, "What would make me

feel just 1% safer or more at

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peace right in this moment?"

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So you don't have to

have the perfect answer.

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You just have to start

listening to yourself.

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Because - every time you honor your

own voice, you're teaching your nervous

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system something it may have never learned

growing up, that you can trust yourself.

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And little by little,

that's how healing happens.

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Not all at once, not overnight, but

one choice, one pause, one little tiny

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note, as Miles Davis would've said.

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So thanks so much for spending

these minutes with me today.

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And if this message resonated with

you, I encourage you to go back

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and listen to the full episode with

Shari Foos on this week's episode

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of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

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It is filled with practical wisdom

about storytelling, healing,

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and reconnecting with the person

you were always meant to be.

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And if you're looking for support

on your own healing journey,

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I'd love to connect with you.

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Check out the links below for my

complimentary Clarity and Calm

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call, and many other resources.

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Reach out in whatever capacity

feels most aligned to you.

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Until next time, remember this, my

friends: you don't have to play every note

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perfectly, you just have to keep playing.

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So thanks so much again for joining me.

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I love you guys, and I

will see you back soon.