Are you facing a wave of decisions after a breast cancer diagnosis? In this heartfelt episode of The Grit Show, host Shawna Rodrigues peels back the layers of what really matters when breast cancer turns life upside down. Shawna shares her personal journey through a double mastectomy, tips for navigating overwhelming choices, and why knowing your “North Star” is more vital than any research or treatment plan. Listeners will catch insights on single vs. double mastectomy, Oregon’s groundbreaking out-of-state reconstruction access, insurance curveballs, and the real questions every patient should ask before surgery.

Packed with candid storytelling and practical frameworks, this episode offers hope, clarity, and confidence to anyone touched by breast cancer. If you’re looking for support through Breast Cancer Awareness Month, decision-making tools, or just crave real talk about cancer, quality of life, and self-advocacy, you’ll find inspiration here!

As mentioned in this episode, continue the conversation and find more inspiration by listening to: 🎧 Be in the Present – Episode 119

Learn more about BRA Society - Breast Reconstruction Advocacy.

Shawna Rodrigues has been hosting the The Grit Show, since 2022 and has loved every minute of it. She has an award winning career in the government and non-profit industry, an LCSW, and a passion for making a impact.

She is currently facing her biggest plot twist yet—a breast cancer diagnosis in early 2025—this year is about her fight, victory, and healing. Join her warrior community Being Honest and check out the podcast episode where she shares more.

Connect with her journey:

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What if I told you the most important preparation for breast cancer has nothing to do with research, doctors, or even treatment options? Everyone asks if choosing a double mastectomy was hard and it wasn't. And I'm going to tell you why that matters more than any medical fact you'll ever learn about breast cancer. It's October, and it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So today I'm sharing the conversations I've had with women since my diagnosis. What they wish they'd known, the decisions that they're blindsided by, and the one thing that made my hardest choice feel surprisingly clear. We'll talk about why some women choose single mastectomies to make reconstruction easier, how Oregon's new legislation opens the door to out of state specialists, the insurance surprises no one warns you about, and why I told one mom of young kids to just get implants. Most importantly, I'll share the framework that turns overwhelming medical decisions into choices you can feel confident about no matter which path you choose. And there are many.

Because the truth is, when you know your North Star, even cancer can't knock you off your course. Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections. With 2.3 million new breast cancer cases globally each year. National Breast Cancers Foundation. And who say that many people are feeling overwhelmed and triggered by Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

And I'm still a little overwhelmed by it. So it was hard to decide if I should do this episode or not. But I really feel like this conversation is an important one and one that many of you can benefit from. So that's why we're here today. I want you to know that when I tell people I had a double mastectomy, they often say what a hard decision that must have been. But it really wasn't. Not for me. And that's not because I'm braver or stronger than anyone else.

It's because I already knew my North Star. I already know what matters most to me. So the hardest part of breast cancer wasn't the treatment. It's an overwhelming number of decisions you suddenly have to make when you're scared, overwhelmed and operating on information overload. So hopefully this opportunity for us to talk a little bit about that experience might be beneficial to you or to someone you know. There are so many choices that come with a diagnosis and information shortages and then floods of information. You either don't have enough or you have too much. So your North Star, your core values, knowing what's most important to you and coming back to that when you're in the midst of those floods makes all the difference.

I was surprised once I started going to a breast cancer support group, which, grateful for those. Right. That other women were not as aware as I was about breast cancer. It shouldn't have been surprising, right? I'd been through this with my mother and consequently that probably opened the doors for other women to talk to me about their experience. So I was more steeped and versed in it than most people were. But I wasn't aware of how much I already knew. And my awareness also, things had changed a lot since when my mom went through this. So there was a lot that I was learning and it was new to me.

But when you have a lot of decisions to make in a short amount of time, with new information constantly coming at you, it's overwhelming for anyone. Which is why knowing what matters most to you is the imperative. It makes all the other decisions easier. Knowing about if quality is more important than quantity, knowing if your work doesn't matter at all or if you do have some consideration for it, knowing your kids and the responsibilities related to that, what your resources are, what your community is, where you're at in your professional life, what you feel comfortable walking away from, your body, your relationship with your body, knowing what that means to you, being in a good place with that. There is a beautiful movement in our country and hopefully around the world, which I'm less familiar with, honestly. But screenings and mammograms are commonplace in the US it wasn't until I looked at one of the studies that was helping to inform one of my decisions that I realized that in other countries it was a study of palpable tumors, which meant it was tumors that could be felt. The study was based on making a determination about a five or 10 years on a specific medication was more beneficial for long term outcomes. And it was confusing to some extent.

But it was helpful to recognize that in this country there was not commonplace of having mammograms as a screening tool. So it was more common to not discover tumors until you could fill them. And based on the outcomes of that study, because the outcomes of the study were confusing to me, because I was being told I needed to be on this medication for 10 years based on the specifics of my tumor. And the outcomes of the study, even with taking for 10 years, were much lower than my expected outcomes without taking any medication. So it was confusing to learn that this was a study done in a different country where there wasn't screening. And so they were all palpable tumors. So it was valuable for me not to just look at the end data given to me. Right.

That was confusing me to actually speak with a medical director. Thankfully, that spoke with me to help me understand. And then I was able to look more closely at the study to understand the information in it. But it's not as commonplace. Hopefully that's changed since the study was conducted to have the opportunity to have mammograms that are a screening tool that can help identify tumors much sooner. And even with a mammogram, if you know my story, I was told I had a mammogram, and then I was referred to have a diagnostic mammogram and then an ultrasound. And even with the diagnostic mammogram, in the ultrasound, I was told I had. Structural distortion was essentially the term used.

And I'm so curious about that. If that's just the nicer way of saying things now. I'd love to listen to other women who'd had this experience, or if it really just was that faint and that easy to have missed, that maybe would've been missed somewhere else and by somebody else, because it was just structural abnormality versus actual visible tumors. So when I went into the biopsy, I could see the tumor when I went in to see the biopsy. And at that moment, it became very real to me that there was a tumor. Tumor. When they did the biopsy and then the subsequent breast MRI that I had because I had a family history and other risk factors, the breast MRI showed, you know, four other spots. So in the end, I had five tumors total that were discovered through this process.

So consequently, my structural distortion was quickly. Five tumors. Correct. And it was invasive. It wasn't just. There's no just about actually bothers me when that says it wasn't the in situ type of ductal cancer. It was invasive. So consequently, we live in a time where the screenings are more available.

But there's also this heightened awareness for women that also is part of the fatigue that might be coming with Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Right. Because there is so many people dealing with it that it is kind of frightening. And the ability to find early stage breast cancer is fabulous. But then it also means that there's a lot of women dealing with breast cancer. Right. But because of that, knowing yourself is the first step. And we'll get more into that because it does make other decisions easier.

So as I've gone to these groups and had these conversations, there's been a lot of women who have had a lot of challenges about what to do. It has come so far since when my mother was diagnosed. Around those decisions, you have a lot of tools that are available to determine if it's even necessary to have chemotherapy. It used to be a standard of practice for chemotherapy. Frequently. I know with my mother, the decision was if it was in the lymph nodes or not, was the decision for her to have chemotherapy. Right now it's looking at the type of cancer and the responsiveness it may or may not have to. Chemotherapy is oftentimes they're looking at.

And so to have the study of that and how far spread it is, everyone's doctor, everyone's opinion might vary on that. It seemed very specific where I was treated, what the decisions were based on. And so maybe that's the case where you are, maybe it's not. And second opinions are always valuable if you feel like that's not clear about that. But just having the immediate decisions around surgery, around a single versus a double mastectomy versus having a lumpectomy and just having the actual tumor removed. And when the tumor is removed, then they actually do radiation, which then has some effects on your reconstruction. And oftentimes that conversation on reconstruction isn't happening at the same time as your decisions around having a mastectomy or a lumpectomy. I was fortunate that those conversations were happening at the same time.

And from what I've understood, that's not always the case. And timing does vary for folks. And so when you're figuring that out, sometimes when you have the lumpectomy. One woman I spoke with that had the lumpectomy, she later learned that because of the lumpectomy, she wasn't eligible for the type of reconstruction she imagined or that she wanted. So once you have the lumpectomy and they do radiation, the radiation actually affects the skin in a way that oftentimes plastic surgeons, and it might vary which plastic surgeon you go to and talk to, but because of what it does to the skin, it can be difficult to do reconstruction on the site where you've had radiation. So if you've had a single sided lumpectomy and you have radiation, it can be hard to do surgery to make changes to that breast. So oftentimes they're doing reconstruction to the other breast and, and that means just making it smaller, adapting it to match the other one, versus being able to rebuild the one where it's it you had done. There are so many surgeons across the country.

I am positive that that's not a blanket case, that there's probably places that do that differently. That's what was explained to me where I am locally in my community. So that's definitely something to ask questions about where you're at. But it is a question to have that if you had the lumpectomy and you have the, the radiation to learn about your reconstruction options at that time. By having a lumpectomy versus having a single mastectomy and with having the single mastectomy, you are able to do a reconstruction that is different oftentimes because you are able to do more with not having the radiation if you have the single mastectomy. Oftentimes if there is not lymph node involvement, which you can't always know until after you've had the surgery and the removal and testing of the lymph nodes, but there's not lymph node involvement, you can often have this single mastectomy and not have radiation. So you don't have that additional consideration when you are having your reconstruction done. That's not something to be considered with the effect of the radiation on the skin.

And I of course chose to have the double mastectomy and my decision was based on family history. It was the largest part of it. And for me the. That also like spilled over into maintaining an additional breast, so to speak, when there was that higher risk, I think it was 38% risk of me having a different cancer arise in that breast or in the future and having to do screenings every six months instead of even once a year. And those screening tools resulting in additional need for biopsies and the additional, additional expense for those additional biopsies and the additional maintenance and that stress and mental load of maintaining the other breast was significant for me to consider when I had the family history. And of course I am younger when it comes to being diagnosed with breast cancer. And because of my young age at being diagnosed, that's a long time for me to have to be considering that. I also opted not to have a implant.

I opted to have. Mine was a deep flap. There's different kinds of flaps. The deep flap is Actually, when you take from the belly region the harvest site, and when you harvest a region, you can only harvest it once. And so I didn't have enough belly tissue to be reconstructing both. So my surgeon really only wanted to do one because he felt confident he could do one, not do two. But by harvesting that region, it wouldn't be able to be done again. And so there are other regions that you can harvest from to do the other side.

If I ever did have it, but then there was a chance that they would, it would result in me needing to have an implant on the other side. And that would not look right or feel right to me. And I wasn't somebody who wanted an implant. And so to me, doing it all at once and considering, like, the additional time for healing when doing a natural tissue reconstruction really meant that I wanted to take the time and do it once, even though it was a harder surgery and more complex situation. So again, me knowing what my priorities were, my priorities was natural tissue. I didn't want to do an implant. I didn't even know natural tissue was an option when we went in. As soon as I heard that was an option, I was like, yes, please raise my hand for that.

Right. And because I had a family history, I also knew that the constant stress of a another recurrence was something that would be worrisome to me. So me knowing all of these things about myself, knowing thyself, made it much easier to make these decisions. And fortunately had a partner that also was on the same page with me and was able to roll with those easier. Right. And I know the other woman I spoke with, the reason they chose to have it of mastectomy is feeling like everything matched well. I do think that there's some very gifted plastic surgeons, and maintaining healthy tissue is very important. And so if you're comfortable with that and doing that and don't have the family risk and don't have the other concerns like I may have, that it's very safe to just do the one side.

And they have gifted surgeons to make them mirror each other and match and work. And so that's something that I think is less of a consideration based on what the options are. So that's something that those decisions were easy for me because the fact I know myself and knew what my priorities were, what was important to me. One of the beautiful things as you're approaching this is that there are, of course, things outside of you that can guide these decisions. What your results are coming back from testing. Right. So if you have Tests that tell you there's a genetic component that guides decisions. If you have tests that come back saying that you have something more responsive to having chemotherapy, which mine was not, then you know that that's a route that you should probably take.

So you have different things that will come back that will be informing your decisions as well. What you have available locally versus what your out of state options are. We have the beautiful gift of federal legislation that made it so that reconstruction is guaranteed if you have insurance. Right. That's a beautiful thing. I didn't think I would have the option to have a double mastectomy. I didn't know that there was legislation passed to give me that option. I figured I had to have a lumpectomy or I had to have a single mastectomy.

Like, I didn't realize I would have the option to choose a double mastectomy. And I was thrilled that my insurance allowed that. And that was a federal gift that was given via legislation that I got to choose that because I thought my insurance was going to drive my decision. So that was beautiful that that is not something that's driven by insurance. And so that's very valuable. In the state of Oregon, they also passed legislation that for types of reconstruction that are not offered in state, there's a number of natural tissue options that aren't offered in the state of Oregon. And you can actually travel out of state and there's a way to get the waiver. So your insurance has to cover them if they're not offered in state.

So your interns has to make it available to you, which is brilliant and fabulous. There's the Bra Society that is responsible for that and is a beautiful gift that they've done to help women be able to access those options for them so that they can get the type of reconstruction they need. So not all women, like I said, when I had my reconstruction, I didn't have enough belly tissue to make it to return my body to its former shape to where it was before. And other women, like, can't even do. Like, they don't have any belly tissue, they don't have any belly fat, but they have it available in other parts of their body. And so they are able to do other forms of reconstruction of natural tissue. Other. They're all called flaps usually, but they're other letters that go before them instead of the deep, like I had.

And so they can go to other places and get that done. And that's something we'll talk about a little bit to look at. And there's Also the practical considerations. Right. So as we go into you knowing your priorities, I had a woman who asked to speak with me through one of the nurse advocates connected us and she had young children. It was considering the surgery that I had with the surgeon that I worked with. And I actually recommended she not do it because she had young children and she talked about like how active they were and she was concerned about that piece. And I have a story about my cat jumping on me after we thought that I was like clearly in a good space, you know, eight, ten weeks out of surgery, I should have been good.

And I was a mess because my cat jumped on me. And like a three year old that has a lot of high energy jumping on me two weeks out instead of eight weeks out would have been a very difficult situation as well, because the restrictions, especially the specific surgeon, are so high. And what can happen is such that my conversation with her was, well, you can get the implants and in five years, because the way legislation is like, you can go back and get this other one done at that point, like you can get this other surgery done at a later point instead of getting it done now. Because the recovery for implants is much simpler and should be much simpler. Every individual's recovery is different. So I don't want to be dismissive at all of that. It has fewer restrictions on it for a shorter period of time and should be easier on the body than the natural tissue reconstruction. It does vary with your surgeon, with your body and how it takes things, but the restrictions in general are lower.

And with young children and being able, if your priority is being able to be back to your kids, that's like knowing your priorities and what you want to be able to do is be more present at that stage and then a later stage with your kids, you can be able to do that differently. Right. I also had the advantage of going second and learning from my mom's decision to help me refine some of those decisions for me, which helped them feel much clearer. So that's always helpful for me to know that. But breast cancer in general is a much more personalized journey. And because of that, there is so much research and available information and available options for you that you can be able to look into them and figure out what is going to be best for you. And one of the areas where I was making that decision is about my continued treatment. So my surgery was very big and took a lot to have the surgery I wanted.

And that piece I wanted to do correct. And then the follow up treatment for Me, the biggest option that was wanted was for me to do hormone blockers to make it so that there was no growth in the future. Right. Because when breast cancer comes back. So right now I have breast cancer, Ned. No evidence of disease. So I'm not cured, I'm not whatever else, hopefully it's all gone. My opinion is it's gone.

I'm living like it's gone, but there's just no evidence of disease. We don't know for sure that it's gone at this point in time. And so the treatment that they want is for me to be on like an adjunct therapy that, that would have me taking pills daily for five to 10 years. And for my specific type, the recommendation is 10 years to take a medication every day to block all hormones in my body so that there's no way they'd be feeding potential hidden tumors that are somewhere in my body trying to grow. So they would not grow in 5, 10 or 15 years and metastasize in my bones, in my body and be at that point of very difficult to fight and very challenging. So consequently, that's before me. And the option of taking that drug to me, very low percentage of it actually changing anything. And I was on that drug for 30 days before I had my surgery.

And it caused headaches, it caused exhaustion, it caused brain fog, it caused all those things you would expect effect suppressing all the hormones in your body would do. And for me, there's still a chance. So that doesn't eradicate the possibility of the cancer coming back at all. It doesn't eradicate it. It cuts down by minute percentage points the chances. Right. But doesn't prevent it from coming back. And so those percentage points to me, what that does to my well being for the next five, 10 years, to my ability to enjoy and embrace and fully live life for the next 10 years versus it coming back.

Like if that cancer comes back and I spent 10 years on a medication trying to stop that cancer from coming back where I be not a good place to fight that cancer in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years when it comes back. If I didn't take that medication and it came back, I'd be in a better place to fight it when it came back. And there's no guarantees either way. So for me, my quality of life was more important. But I did do the research to learn about that. But I also need to know how much research I needed was enough. And again, I actually called a medical director to talk about the length of time and the study and the data on that study that was confusing me to make sure I understood the gold standard research around doing this before I made any decisions. But I also made sure I looked at the numbers and had the right numbers to look at, because I wasn't getting the right numbers to look at from all the resources I was looking at.

So for me, that's another example of choosing what was best for me. And for me, quality is the most important and being in the best place, especially if I couldn't zero out the possibilities. So let's talk about this quality a little bit more. I've actually referenced this before, and episode 119 is the last time I talked about it, because I really care about embracing the moment. And in previous episodes I talk about this as kicking your bucket list and why. I don't believe in having bucket lists because there's no time like the present. And it's important to actually live life as it comes. And if you want to do something, to go out and do it, to seize the day, right? That's how come I have swam in bioluminescent waters.

That's how come I finished the novel I was writing and swam under Norwegian waterfalls and marry the love of my life. So it's important to do the things you want to do. So when life throws you the curveballs, like breast cancer, you don't have that weight and that pressure of regret and feeling as though there's so many things not done yet. That's why you take the moments to cuddle your kids and take the walks and spend time with a friend and have those difficult conversations and resolve those relationships. Because taking those risks and having those hard conversations leave you in a place that you can move fully forward when life interrupts. And I think you've heard me say, or heard it said, that on your deathbed. The number one thing people regret is the things they haven't done, not the things they did do. So it's important to live your life to the fullest, and that makes it easier when a disruption such as breast cancer comes along, turns things upside down, that you have the bandwidth to focus on that.

So as we look at this, I kind of want to walk us through a North Star exercise to really ponder what is important for us, what we want to focus on, and to have that clarity that if things come up, we're in the place to be able to make our decisions and steer our life accordingly. So if you only had that one year left, what would you most regret not doing? Not doing. What would you regret not doing? What do you truly value versus what have you been spending time chasing after? I'm guessing you would not. It would not be that you regret not spending more time on social media, right? Is there a person you regret not having a conversation with? I go to trips a lot, but that doesn't mean that's the same thing for you. Is there a move you need to make? Would you regret staying in the same job? Would you regret not seizing an opportunity? So if you had limited time, what would you regret not doing? And then if you imagine your family talking about you in 10 years and we're going to say you're still here, you're still here, you're just on the other side of the country or something, what do you want them to remember the most? And if your family isn't dear to you, like the people dearest to you, the people dearest to you in 10 years, what do you want them to remember the most? What do you want to be your signature pieces about you that others hold onto and remember most about you? What is your joie de vivre? What makes you alive and present in the minds of others ten years from now? And I'm pausing. You can just pause the audio too, so you can take a minute and reflect on this. You can even mark this to come back to. So when it comes to making decisions.

So this will help you to get to the point of when you do have to make these type of medical decisions, like to have some clarity. So are you somebody who prioritizes quality or quantity? Are you somebody who wants as much time as possible or that wants to make the most of the time possible? And if you're saying, I want to make the most of the time possible, are you doing that? Are you making the most of the time that you have right now? And if quantity is what you're choosing, are you doing the things in your life, making the life choices to make quantity in your favor? Are you living in a way that you'll have that longevity? Which one is important? And are you living that way now and not just when a diagnosis comes up or something like this happens? The next question is, what does feeling like myself mean to you? What makes you feel like yourself is feeling like yourself, being able to have quiet walks in the evening, feeling like yourself, being able to have ruckus, laughter and quality time joking around with your friends, feeling like yourself, being able to wear audacious clothes that fit you in a way that make you feel amazing? Like, what makes you feel like yourself? Being able to cook in the kitchen. Like, what is that? Not someone else's definition of that. What is that for you? And I feel like when it comes to things like body image and reconstruction and treatment side effects and decisions about treatments, like, what is that? Like, when we talked about my treatment side effects for the 10 years of aromatase inhibitors or hormone blockers, that those side effects, like brain fog, headaches, exhaustion, like, I don't feel like myself when I have those. And when it comes to me choosing natural tissue reconstruction, like, that feels like my body, that feels like me. Like, that has the warmth and the touch and the feel of my body. And that's important to me, right? And as I'm going into further surgeries, it's because what was done doesn't. My clothes don't fit.

It doesn't fit me. And so those are the decisions I need to make to what feels like me and what's important to me. And I don't need to defend that to anyone, because I need to be secure in that, right? And then for you to know if my energy and time become limited, because in my case, it definitely did for much longer than I expected. 17 weeks to heal. 17 weeks. I thought it was gonna be. Sometimes it may sound like 8 weeks, sometimes it may sound like 12. Never.

17 weeks, never. 17 weeks to heal. Nobody ever gave me that. That length, right? So if my energy and time become limited, what are the non negotiables I need to protect? Is it my family? Is it my career? Is it my caring for my children? Is it my sanity? Is it my outlook, my relationships, my hobbies? What? What can't I let go? What do I need to protect if my world gets that small? What are the non negotiables I need to protect? And be willing to fight for those and be willing to realize that you have to let go of so much more than you ever imagined to fight for those things. So know what those things are anytime. Because it's not just breast cancer that shrinks your world, right? Like, what are those things and knowing what that needs to be, right? And then the practical reality is something like this. Like, am I someone who needs all the information or does too much research make me spiral? Like, who am I when it comes to information and decision making? And who are my resources, right? So if I need this much information, I need a good care team that gives me that much, or I need a partner who will help me have this much, or a family member or a friend because I don't want to spiral. Do I need all the information? Do I need to be online and dig as deep as I can, and how can I get that? And great, right? So what is that going to be? And am I somebody who needs to have second opinions? Do I trust my medical team? Or do I need to have multiple perspectives before I make decisions? Like that type of thing is something that you.

Knowing that or figuring that out is helpful because some of the information is just going to come to you, but you need to know what you're going to be doing with that, and those are things you can think about before you have all the information. Right? And then the big question is, what am I most afraid of? What am I most afraid of? Am I afraid of death? Am I afraid of losing my identity? Am I afraid of losing my relationships? Am I afraid of losing my sense of self? Am I afraid of not doing everything I can and proving to myself and everyone else that I did everything I could? What am I most afraid of? Knowing that and then knowing, is that something I need to be afraid of? Is that something I can lessen the fears around? And is that the thing I need to focus on protecting the most? My sense of self, my sense of independence? What am I afraid of and how can I protect that? Or is it even something I need to be afraid of? Is that even a threat right now? Like, knowing that and facing that is a big part of this as well, right? And then the relationship questions, right? Who are my people? Where is my community? Where is my trust? Where is my support coming from? And it might not be where you think, right? It might not be where you think. There was actually people that I got to visit that I'd recently met at one of my support groups that I went to visit in the hospital. And I was confused, but I was on the visiting list and a family member was not. So it may not be your family, right? It may be somebody you just met at a support group who gets it because they're going through the same thing and are just barely two steps ahead of you. That might be your people or it might be your partner. My partner stuffed up. You guys have heard so much about that, I'm sure, right? My partner was amazing, and I had unsuspecting individuals step up in such beautiful ways that I did not expect.

So who are you people? And once you know your community and find your community and supports, whether it's colleagues, friends, family, strangers and support groups, people you find online, like, whatever it might be, like, what do I need from them? These people that I love the most or people that I'm finding that are my support, what do I need from them, and then what do they need from me? Right? Because it might. It impacts how you work with your support system. So knowing what you need and what they need, because my support system, my biggest support system, my partner, he needed some space, some time for golf and some time away to be able to be everything he was to me. Right. So that was some grace and space that he probably didn't know he needed. But I. The clarity to know that's something he would need. I was very grateful for that.

And then probably the biggest question you can ask is when I imagine explaining all of this, like, my decisions, when you're making decisions to my future self, to me, nobody else but me, what am I going to feel the most at peace defending if I don't get that additional surgery? Am I going to be able to tell my future self in five years? Like, oh, I was just tired and sick of dealing with things. I just needed time off, so I didn't get it done, and that's why I didn't get it done. Or am I gonna be able to say, yes, I did that additional surgery and it was a little harder. But now, five years later, I'm so glad that I went ahead and did what it took to get back my sense of self and to be in the place I needed to be with all of this. Like, what do you need? And you heard, I had 17 weeks of healing. And I still choose what I choose. I still choose the deep flap. Even with a.

A dvt, even with necrosis, even with all the things that I had, I still choose the natural tissue reconstruction. And I would still recommend it. I might recommend that you go out of state and find one of the centers that do these surgeries every day and surgeons that do this every single day. I think there's some value in that. But I'm very, very good with my decisions. With the amount of capacity I had, I didn't need to go research all of that beforehand. And I learned about it. And maybe you're listening to the great show today.

So you're learning about it now. You're learning that there are specialty places that all they do all day long is breast cancer surgeries, the removal and the reconstruction. That's all they do all day long. And if you're going to take. I take my car to a Volvo dealer because I have a Volvo. So I would rather take it there than just a regular mechanic, because I find value in people that do this every single day and know what they're doing because they do it every single day. And there's value in that. When I do my work on right now, you know, from my podcast network, and I'm moving away from that back into doing more coaching and building with folks.

I've been doing it for a number of years, but trying not to build on it. But I love it so much. I'm building on it because I love doing it. Even when I was taking leave, it was still a valuable thing. I could put time into that. I do this amazing coaching with folks and this coaching that I do. Like, I do this all the time. And it's like this connection I have with my clients, these conversations I have and integrating these tools, I do it all the time.

So coming to me that does it all the time versus somebody who, oh, I have one person I do this with. Sometimes you're going to get more quality from somebody who's doing it consistently and has the ability to apply this stuff constantly. So for me, the value is in finding specialists in this area and a plastic surgeon that once in a while does this stuff. They may be great at it, but somebody who's doing it every single day is gonna be ready for anything that gets thrown at them and I feel will have great results. And I've met people who've gone to some of these. These surgery places that do it, and these individuals do have faster recoveries, do have less restrictions and do great, but there's also the flying to them. And I live in an area where it's not that easy to travel. And so for that big of a surgery, I'm kind of okay that I didn't travel to do it.

So I'm okay with my decision. If I was talking to somebody else, though, I would encourage them to look at those other options for it, especially if they were put off by how long it took me to heal. I'm a little put off by how long it took me to heal. So that would be my recommendation. I actually, a friend of mine whose partner went through that and they had a failed implant, and then they went to one of these for the. One of these specialty centers to get it taken care of after the failed implant. And they got a deep flap after that, one of these specialty centers and had a great experience. And so even after the failed implant with a place that was local, that should have been great.

So it's valuable to go to people that do this stuff every single day and have that expertise. So I have a lot of respect for that. You do have to be careful with the, with the insurance because not all insurances cover these places. And I've definitely heard that story that that's something to look out for and to make sure. So I definitely spent time for my next surgery. Cause I am gonna go out of state for my next surgery to make sure that all the medical stuff is covered. And even with doing that and being careful, I have one of my friends who I mammaprint did testing for me and my mama PR covered. I didn't even think that much about it and it was covered.

But interestingly, my genetic testing was not. And I've been offered genetic testing a number of times because I have two, you know, my aunt and my mother both have breast cancer. And so I've been offered genetic testing numerous times through my life. And I said no because I was worried about it not being covered by insurance. And I have breast cancer, of course it'd be covered by insurance. And I have the refusal letter on my desk from it for $3,500. Not expected expense that I'm still trying to figure out what to do going forward with that. So when you're going through it, they'll tell you things might not be covered or they might not say they might not be covered.

But be careful with all of these expenses, I think it's just safest to assume there's going to be some big bill that's not covered somewhere, but to try and stay on top of it. And if you are a friend of somebody going through this, like maybe help offer to help figure some of that out because it is stressful. I had a friend that sat down with me when I had to pay and do the EOBs and figure out what was paid and what wasn't and what I had to pay and what I had to do. And it was very helpful. So as an aside, the point of all of this is that it is very valuable for you to take the time to figure out your North Star and know thyself. I'm sure you've all heard that. So that when you have these bumps in the road that it can be easier to know what comes next and what to do because you have an awareness of who you are and what's important to you. And that instead of getting swirled up in the decisions to center yourself and what you know to be true about yourself and what you know to be true about your priorities.

And if you have a friend that suddenly has all this and they feel like there is a wrong decision to be made to help them know that, like, it is going to be okay. And you'll be able to navigate from whichever direction you go as long as you're holding true to who you are. So who are you? Are you someone that most important to you is your quality or quantity? Is your family most important Is your work most important? What's most important right there? Your sense of self. Let's think about what's important to you, like, what makes you feel most like yourself. Ask them some of these questions and have them get grounded in that before they're making decisions about their surgeries, about their treatment, about their next phase and next decisions. And to not feel rushed, to feel like they have the time to make these decisions. And I think I had the gift of that, even though they did try to make me feel rushed about my decisions, because to me, it's like, well, we took this long to get the biopsy. Like, we have time.

It'll be okay. Like, we have time. And so to give yourself permission to take the time to do what's best for you, because you will figure it out. And to breathe and to know thyself first, because that helps with all of that. Your North Star is going to help you navigate this journey, because it is a journey. And I'm so fortunate that my journey was five tumors, loss of tests, loss of stress before the surgeries and the surgery. And I chose for it to be done at that point in time and did not require chemotherapy or radiation as part of that. And part of that was choosing radiation was to have the double mastectomy, to have the harder surgery that was a longer recovery but didn't require the radiation.

So you can make your decisions for you. You've got this. But knowing thyself and knowing what you want is the key to be able to navigate this next phase. So make the decisions that feel right for you and be confident in that. And know that you aren't alone in the overwhelm and how much is coming at you and you are doing the best that you can. But as your prep for the things life throws at you, because it will, whether it's breast cancer or something else, that clarifying and being present in the moment and knowing yourself is the best preparation that you can possibly gift yourself. Thank you for being here today. I value the time we shared together today.

Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, @shawnapodcasts or @the.grit.show. There's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought. Today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon, and I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.