Financial planning for divorce doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Learn how to take control of your money, reduce financial fear, and confidently navigate divorce with expert guidance from Certified Financial Planner Donna Jean Kendrick.

Divorce can leave even the smartest women feeling overwhelmed by money. Whether you're preparing for divorce, recovering from widowhood, or simply want to become more financially confident, this conversation is packed with practical advice that can change your future.

In this episode of Doing Divorce Different, Lesa sits down with Certified Financial Planner® Donna Jean Kendrick, who transformed her own heartbreaking story into a mission of helping women navigate life's biggest financial transitions.

After unexpectedly losing her first husband, Donna discovered firsthand how confusing—and frightening—financial decisions can become during times of grief. Today, she specializes in helping women create confidence, clarity, and financial security through financial planning for divorce, widowhood, and blended families.

Together, Lesa and Donna discuss why every woman should understand her finances, regardless of her marital status, and how financial planning for divorce can eliminate fear, provide clarity, and create lasting peace of mind. They also share practical steps you can take today to become financially empowered before a crisis ever happens.

Whether you're considering divorce, currently in the middle of one, rebuilding afterward, or simply want to become more financially informed, this episode will leave you feeling hopeful, prepared, and empowered.

If you're ready to take action, Donna also shares her free 6-Week Financial Challenge to help you organize your financial life one simple step at a time.

Timestamps

(00:00) Introduction to Donna Jean Kendrick and her inspiring mission

(03:10) Losing her husband and rebuilding life from the ground up

(10:12) Why major life transitions make financial decisions so difficult

(16:42) The importance of slowing down before making money decisions

(21:30) How financial planners help women through divorce and widowhood

(27:05) Why knowledge replaces financial fear

(34:18) The Divorce Money Map and organizing your financial life

(42:14) Lessons every married woman should learn about finances

(50:27) Why every woman should understand her own money—even in a happy marriage

(58:33) Practical financial habits that create confidence and peace

(1:04:45) Donna's books, free resources, and 6-Week Financial Challenge

Key Takeaways

• Financial fear decreases dramatically when you understand what you own, owe, and control.
• Major life transitions are not the time to make rushed financial decisions—slow down and seek trusted guidance.
• Every woman should know where important financial documents, accounts, and assets are located, regardless of her relationship status.
• Building financial confidence starts with small, manageable steps—not becoming an expert overnight.
• Financial planning is about creating peace of mind, not just growing wealth.

Guest Bio

Donna Jean Kendrick is a **Certified Financial Planner® (CFP®), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), author, speaker, and host of the Widow Wisdom & Wealth Podcast. After losing her first husband unexpectedly, Donna dedicated her career to helping widows, divorced women, and blended families confidently navigate life's financial transitions. Through education, compassion, and practical tools, she empowers women to build financial clarity and long-term security.

Resource Links

Donna Jean Kendrick

Website: https://donnajeankendrick.com

FREE 6-Week Financial Challenge

Get your financial house in order in just six weeks. Each week, Donna sends a short video and simple action step to help you organize your finances and build confidence.

https://donnajeankendrick.com/6-week-challenge/

Books by Donna Jean Kendrick

• The Divorce Money Map
• A Guide to Widowhood
• A Guide to Blended Families

Podcast

Widow Wisdom & Wealth Podcast

Connect with Lesa Koski

Doing Divorce Different Podcast

Tags/Keywords

financial planning for divorce, divorce finances, divorce financial planning, divorce money, women and money, financial empowerment for women, divorce coach, divorce mediation, certified financial planner, certified divorce financial analyst, financial confidence, women after divorce, widow financial planning, blended family finances, divorce money map, financial education, budgeting after divorce, divorce preparation, money mindset, divorce support, women over 40, life after divorce, divorce recovery, Doing Divorce Different podcast, Lesa Koski, Donna Jean Kendrick

Welcome to Doing Divorce Different.

2

I'm so thankful that you're here today

because I have a gem of a gal, and I can't

3

wait to get to know her better because

I've read a little bit of her story.

4

I have Donna Kendrick.

5

She is a certified financial planner,

but she's got a story that she's gonna

6

share with us after my little introduction

here And we're going to then talk

7

about helping women through transitions

like divorce and other things, helping

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them get their financial mind right.

9

Because I think a lot of us can

be fearful when things happen.

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So Donna…

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And I also wanna say, Donna has

a podcast of her own called the

12

Widow Wisdom and Wealth Podcast.

13

So take a listen there.

14

We'll have it in the show notes.

15

But Donna, thank you so much

for being here, and welcome.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for being

such a welcoming hostess.

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I appreciate it.

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Happy to be here.

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Speaker: Wonderful.

20

Well, would you mind…

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I love, I love how through this podga-

pa- podcast, I get to meet so many

22

amazing people who have maybe been

through something a little hard.

23

Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker: And then they learn

something, and then they move on

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and they have these businesses and

these lives that help people, and

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I think you're one of these people.

27

Oh.

28

So can you just share your story?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely.

30

And so the story's kind of how,

yeah, I recreated my career, um,

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after I'm go- here's the story.

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I lost my first husband, right?

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Mm-hmm.

34

And when I lost him, I didn't

wanna just go back to a job, right?

35

I didn't wanna go back to just a career.

36

I had one of those before I gave

that up to follow him abroad.

37

I wanted to go back to something that

made a difference, turn lemons into

38

lemonade, and that became my mission.

39

And so I want people to understand that.

40

Like, sometimes we need

to just have a job.

41

Sometimes we're happy to have a career.

42

Right.

43

Salary coming in.

44

We feel great with having, you know,

um, promotions and having a staff

45

behind us that's successful, having

successful products and projects,

46

but a mission's a little different.

47

That's a passion.

48

It is.

49

It's a passion that carries you

forward, and the work you do is

50

fulfilling each day because of it.

51

Wow.

52

And my mission came to be, yes,

with the loss of my first husband.

53

Um, years ago I had given up my

career to follow him abroad so

54

that he could expand his career.

55

During that po- time, we

had three wonderful kids.

56

Came back stateside.

57

We're born and raised in Philadelphia,

both him and I, and three months

58

after we came back to the Philadelphia

area, he passed away suddenly.

59

And I've been sharing recently,

and I haven't for the longest

60

time, that he had taken his life.

61

Oh.

62

But when we're talking about finances

and making decisions during high

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emotions, and for me because of the

way he passed, now I've gone to a

64

lot of counseling and I know this is

not the case, but I felt worthless.

65

I felt like I was not

worth staying alive for.

66

So you start trying to say, "I'm

a valuable person that can make

67

some great financial decisions

even though I, I'm doing it on my

68

own and I think I'm gonna sink."

69

Like, that's hard, right?

70

Wow.

71

And you're trying to make the best

decisions for your three babies and

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you and your career and the whole bit.

73

I share that story because I

just want the listeners to know,

74

like, it's okay to slow the roll.

75

It's okay to make the decisions

that you have to right now, and

76

then pause- Yeah … on a few.

77

And it's okay to lean in and say,

"I am not in the right frame of

78

mind to be handling this right now."

79

Yeah.

80

"Who is out there who can help me?"

81

Yeah.

82

There's a great book out there called

Who Not How, and I wish I had it back

83

then because I was just trying to fill

in the blanks, like the puzzle pieces

84

of- Yeah … "Ooh, I'm an expert in that.

85

Who can do it?"

86

Speaker: Right, yeah.

87

And I love what you're saying because

so many times on this podcast we talk

88

about how you can, you know, be a

life coach, and when you go through…

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and know how to, you know, set

your mind right, and when you go

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through something that's turns your

world upside down, it doesn't work.

91

You know what I mean?

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You just have to survive.

93

Yes.

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Move.

95

I mean, I just tend to walk.

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I just do the walking.

97

Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker: You know?

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And then, and then you kinda do take

care of yourself the best that you can.

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So I can only imagine.

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And so I think what I love about this

is for the listeners who are going

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through something hard like this

right now, it can help them see hope.

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You know, sometimes you just have to

kinda wait it out and feel that, a little

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bit of pain, and just know that, "I'm

feeling this now, but it's not gonna

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be forever, and so it's gonna be okay."

106

But I'm so curious, I just

have to ask you more questions.

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What did you do before?

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What was your career before?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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I mean, I'm very social, but

I am a statistics geek, right?

111

So my undergrad was in

statistics for business.

112

I wound up doing financial forecasting

for the pharmaceutical industry.

113

Okay.

114

Um, and back when I had my first

husband in my marriage to Greg,

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that was my first husband's name,

we were what we call yuppies, right?

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We had two incomes.

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Yeah.

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We didn't have kids yet.

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Our parents were both firefighters

and police officers in Philadelphia.

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You had to live in city limits.

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We were the first family to

break out and move to New Jersey.

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Like, it was a big- Yeah … thing, right?

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And so, yeah, we were yuppies.

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And so when we had the opportunity for

Greg to take his career abroad, because

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he worked for the federal government,

we decided that I could probably

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jump back into my career earlier,

even though we were neck and neck,

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both making the same amount, right?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Both educated the same way.

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I actually have to add that

Greg encouraged me to go back,

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get back and get my master's,

um, before we even got married.

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That was one of our conditions of

us getting married, was for me to

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finish my master's, 'cause we both

knew we liked a bit of the traditional

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family and he, we wanted- Yeah

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me to be at least a role

of that mom part-time or-

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Mm-hmm … full-time at home.

138

And he knew that if I didn't get

my master's beforehand, I probably

139

wouldn't have gone back, right?

140

Yeah.

141

Well, good thing that we did, because

when he did pass years later- Yeah … I

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had education in my back pocket.

143

Yeah.

144

Which was not one of those

considerations then, right?

145

It was just kinda like getting it

out of the way before we had kids and

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too much debt and a mortgage, right?

147

Like we were just-

Oh … taking life step by step.

148

But that being said, yeah, went ahead

and, um- And followed him abroad, right?

149

And, and gave up that career, right?

150

And Um, wound up teaching

English to Italian kids.

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We lived in Rome, Italy.

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And yeah, like, that's what I did.

153

I worked in the school system so I

could be there with my s- my kids.

154

Right.

155

We followed the same schedule, right?

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It was fantastic.

157

It really was great.

158

Yeah.

159

Um, and so when I came back home

stateside, I was just working part-time in

160

the schools making, like, $17,000 a year.

161

And so when Greg passed away,

well, suddenly the paycheck stops.

162

Speaker: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And you're in this big

lull of Social Security, you didn't

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even know if you were eligible.

165

Yeah.

166

Life insurance, if it's there,

is held up because you don't have

167

any money to pay for a funeral.

168

You just bought a house

outside of Philadelphia.

169

Right.

170

There's no cash reserve.

171

Credit cards are cut off in your

name because they weren't in your

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name, they were in his, and you

were an authorized user, right?

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I had one credit card.

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To this day, I'll say it,

American Express, I am loyal.

175

They kept me- I use American- They

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Speaker: kept

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Speaker 2: me

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Speaker: because- Not everybody takes it.

179

Speaker 2: Not everyone

takes it, but I'm okay.

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I am loyal.

181

I am so loyal.

182

Because, like, that was the one credit

card that kept me afloat and kept my

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length of credit history, gave me my 13

years of credit history after Greg passed.

184

I was like, "Thank you so much."

185

Um- I don't know if I could have

leveraged life, because a lot

186

of life at that point in time…

187

I'm a financial advisor now.

188

I wasn't back then, but my only

opportunity or access to cash was

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credit card and the goodness of others.

190

Wow.

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The people that might have

just left a little envelope

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with 40 bucks in my mailbox.

193

That's what I lived on until- You know,

and- … that life straightened out.

194

Speaker: Yeah, and another lesson there.

195

You know how when something hard happens

and people go, "How can I help you?"

196

Quit asking.

197

Just go stick some money

in their mail- You…

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Just like what you said.

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That- that is- Yeah … what it takes.

200

Speaker 2: We say,

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" Speaker: Just do it."

202

And so, yeah, just do it.

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Speaker 2: Just

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Speaker: do it.

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Just bring them a meal.

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Bring them the money.

207

Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

209

So- Rake the leaves when

they're not home, right?

210

Yeah.

211

And be like, "Who did that?"

212

Right.

213

Like, "What little smurf

was in my backyard?"

214

That's what you wanna do, right?

215

Just- Yeah … just do for them.

216

Yeah.

217

Speaker: Yeah.

218

Yeah.

219

Okay.

220

So I cannot believe what you went

through, and look at the hope.

221

Look at your life.

222

You know, things are going well.

223

And I love…

224

I mean, I always believe in doing

something that you're passionate about and

225

something that you're knowledgeable in.

226

Yeah.

227

And I think you were a numbers

person, even though you said

228

you weren't a financial planner.

229

So you're the person, if somebody's

listening and they're kind of terrified

230

and don't know what to do, they can

contact you, and you can help them

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get the plan together, correct?

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

233

Yep.

234

Speaker: They don't have to do it alone.

235

Speaker 2: Nope, and we specialize with

widows, divorcees, and blended families.

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That's our wheelhouse.

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That's where we are.

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That's where we're trained.

239

I actually…

240

Let's fast-forward.

241

So two years after Greg passed,

I had moved financial advisors.

242

Greg and I actually had one when we were

younger, but it was just the basics.

243

Yeah.

244

Right.

245

But that basic was

getting us life insurance.

246

So that first financial advisor we had

at age 25 got us the life insurance

247

that allowed me to keep my house and

send my kids- Wow … to college.

248

So I'm- Wow … always thankful.

249

But- I moved financial advisors.

250

I moved to someone who was empathetic,

who had worked with other widows,

251

who really knew how to slow my

roll, had a box of tissues on

252

his conference room table, right?

253

And told me what decisions do I have

to make right now, which ones can

254

wait, and was patient enough for me to

be able to breathe again for that fog

255

that we walk through, that heavy step-

Yeah … of one in front of the other,

256

and made those decisions a little later.

257

Because year one, year two, and

year three all felt so different.

258

I was a different person.

259

The needs of my kids had changed.

260

The understanding of my finances

evolved over those three years.

261

And so that, when I had to sit there, and

I knew, I knew I had to go back to work.

262

Paychecks had stopped.

263

Pension and social security

will get you so far.

264

Right.

265

We were young, and I had

kids headed to college.

266

And again, if I, if I take life

insurance money and I throw it at the

267

mortgage and education for the kids,

there's not much to live on, friends.

268

Right.

269

Right?

270

Like, it looked like a big number when

Greg and I signed up for that policy.

271

Yeah.

272

I know.

273

Mm-mm, put inflation and everything else.

274

Yeah.

275

But what impacted me most was the

help of that financial advisor.

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If you can't read between the

lines and hear my words, like, the

277

answer of am I going to be okay,

there's no guarantee to that, right?

278

I can make some dumb emotional

decisions on top of it, right?

279

Or date dumb people.

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But these are the things that happen.

281

If they're listening, that's

what I called you, a dumb person.

282

But these are the things that happen.

283

Um, and it was so relieving to me, right?

284

And so I actually sat down with him.

285

I was like, "You know how you said

I have to, you know, get my acting

286

gear and get back to work making

quote, unquote, 'real money?'"

287

I was making 17,000 at the time.

288

Right.

289

We were missing a, a big chunk of that.

290

I was like, "I wanna do what you

did for me, for other people."

291

And he was like, "Okay."

292

Showed me what to do to go back to school.

293

I continued working my part-time job

while going back to school, while

294

taking three kids to swim practice,

lacrosse, and, and everything else, and

295

those good things, and trying to parent

them through the grief of their dad.

296

And it was okay, and we

did it, and we did it.

297

And by 45, 44, God, I'm dating myself.

298

44, I had all of my licensing for federal,

for state, and was sitting for my CFP.

299

It was just fantastic.

300

So that's a certified financial planner.

301

Knowing always that I didn't wanna be a

generalist, I wanted to niche my market

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to help these families in transition.

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I wanted to slow the roll.

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I wanted to make sure they had a friend.

305

I wanted to make sure they had a

new partner in these decisions.

306

Our divorcees and our widows,

they've lost the person that they

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made their financial decisions with.

308

Mm-hmm.

309

They've lost the roadmap

they had for the future.

310

They're setting up new dreams.

311

Their tomorrow feels different, and

you gotta add a little love to that.

312

Not every financial advisor is sitting

there saying, "Are we a perfect match?

313

Do you mind if I mommy you?"

314

Right?

315

Right.

316

As an action word.

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That's what we do.

318

And so I'm so blessed to have come into

this mission- Worked under that financial

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advisor for three years, and then went

out on my own when it probably wasn't

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the best time, in the middle of 2020.

321

And, uh, my new husband, who was

not my husband at the time, he

322

was my fiance, left his career

to help me start this practice.

323

My little contractor became an

Excel wizard and was my admin.

324

And he no longer does

that part in the business.

325

He hated it.

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But he did it for a good two

to three years to help me.

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Paperwork- Yeah … paperwork, paperwork.

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So yeah, that's

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Speaker: how I did it.

330

That is for you.

331

That's amazing.

332

It's hopeful.

333

And I'm sure, um, I don't know if

you could see that in the first year.

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I mean, you were probably just

trying to, to keep, to swim,

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to ke- to keep from sinking.

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Maybe not even swimming.

337

Just keep from sinking.

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And I think what hiring someone

like you can do to help women

339

going through these big transitions

is to take that, that fear away.

340

And I know it's interesting, because you

were saying that you've lost the person

341

that you've planned your finances with.

342

Sometimes you haven't

even done any planning.

343

Sometimes the other person

did all the planning.

344

Mm-hmm.

345

And I've got a lot of women

who are going through a divorce

346

who are terrified because they

don't even know what they have.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

348

Speaker: And I always say

that the more knowledge you

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have, it gets rid of the fear.

350

Like, when I sit down with a couple

and we go through their finances and

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we look at what things are gonna look

like, even though it may not be great

352

or it may not be what they thought,

having that clarity to know exactly where

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they stand just brings a little peace.

354

So I can only imagine how fulfilling

your work is when people come

355

to you and you can just- Help

them breathe a sigh of relief.

356

You know what?

357

There is, don't you think?

358

Speaker 2: Yeah.

359

And to say, "I know.

360

It feels like a whirlwind

right now," right?

361

Mm-hmm.

362

Everything's spinning, and you just wanna

gain a little bit of control, right?

363

Well, I've got you, and we're gonna

start- Yeah … the baby steps, and

364

we're just gonna figure out one thing.

365

We're gonna organize you.

366

We're gonna find out where

things are for what we know.

367

You say such a great point.

368

Many people, there is no plan, right?

369

Right.

370

We're leaning on the spouse, right?

371

Or the spouse wasn't forthcoming

with where everything is.

372

Let's say that politely.

373

Speaker: Mm-hmm, big problem.

374

Speaker 2: Yeah.

375

Yeah.

376

But what we wanna do is just say,

"What do we have control of?"

377

Let's give this, this person going

through grief and a pending divorce

378

and a, and sometimes a loss of hope,

and sometimes a, "I can't wait until

379

it's over, let's speed this up," right?

380

Yeah.

381

Let's understand what their

timeline is, what their why is in

382

wanting to have financial control,

and what was their language of

383

money during their relationship?

384

What did they learn from their parents?

385

Once I can understand how someone

makes money decisions, and for many

386

of us, it's ignore it, put my head

in the sand, let the world spin

387

around, I'll get back to it later.

388

Future Donna will have that issue.

389

Sometimes it's having someone sit there

saying, "No, but we have to right now."

390

Yeah.

391

So what are our two choices?

392

And let's pick one.

393

So I always say let's just gain control,

and the whole Divorce Money Map, which

394

is our recent book put together, is

literally- Book, I've heard about

395

Speaker: that.

396

Yeah

397

… Speaker 2: that's what it is.

398

It's saying open the cover,

start left, and go page by page.

399

'Cause we don't know what we don't know.

400

And if we weren't financial savvy, if

we don't even like doing it but we have

401

to because we're in discovery for a

divorce or we're gonna sit down with

402

a mediator and we wanna add knowledge

to the situation- Yeah … right, we

403

wanna learn more, this shows you what

do you have to start looking for.

404

Do you have to find the

marriage certificate?

405

The, the divorce decree

from marriage number one.

406

Do you need to find a

Social Security statement?

407

Do you need to pull your credit report?

408

Do you need to find the difference

between an asset and a liability,

409

and what the heck does that mean?

410

Speaker: Yeah.

411

Speaker 2: And what does it mean to

have things titled a certain way?

412

That might be foreign lingo to

you, nor do you wanna do it.

413

Will you partner with one of us?

414

Find a really highly recommended, I

love CFPs, certified financial planners.

415

Yeah.

416

Um, and there's a lot of really

good, uh, CDFAs, certified

417

divorce financial analysts.

418

Yeah.

419

I am one, but there's some that

just sit and do this work of, like,

420

sitting at your dining room table

and helping you sort through it.

421

The Divorce Money Map is there

if you wanna do it on your own.

422

Speaker: I love that.

423

So that's your teaching guide.

424

And Donna, okay, so I'm not divorced.

425

Speaker 2: Mm.

426

Speaker: But I, I did not have a handle

on our finances, and I stuck my…

427

And it was the weirdest situation

because my husband, um- You know,

428

earned the money and had the, the

big 401and all the stuff, and I had

429

no way of looking at what we had.

430

I didn't know what we had in stock.

431

I didn't know anything.

432

I would just get a certain amount of money

every month, and it was never the same.

433

Mm-hmm.

434

So I never really knew what I could spend.

435

You know, it was just such a mess

for years, and I lived in hell.

436

Uh, uh, it, because I just…

437

I was always nervous about it.

438

I was scared, and it's so

funny, 'cause, okay, tell me

439

what kind of language I speak.

440

You were talking about

how you figure this.

441

Use me as your…

442

I grew up, and God bless my dad.

443

So we had, he had decent income.

444

You know, he wasn't super wealthy,

but enough for lots of stuff, and he

445

didn't wanna spoil my brother and I.

446

So he, I was 12 years old, and my brother

was 14, and he said, "We're gonna set

447

this up so that you have your own budgets,

and you have to pay for everything."

448

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

449

Speaker: Okay.

450

Speaker 2: He empowered you

to understand your spend

451

Speaker: He empowered me, but

I didn't take it that way.

452

So my brother was like, "Wow, cool."

453

And I was like, "Shit,

I don't wanna do this."

454

Yeah.

455

And it scared me, and I never stopped

and l- I just was afraid of it.

456

It, that was the moment.

457

And now, you know, had I been who

I am now and would've been able to

458

say, "Uh, Dad, I'm kind of scared."

459

Yeah.

460

You know what I mean?

461

"I don't really know h-," then

that would've changed things.

462

But instead, I just, I worked a lot.

463

I, but I never really looked at

it, and it followed me into my 50s.

464

So then fast-forward to just recently,

my husband's going in for a heart

465

surgery and he retires, boom,

like that, and I was like, "What?

466

What?"

467

Like, do we- Yeah … it was so

interesting because for the first time

468

in my life, even though I hate, I say

I hate finances, I don't, I started

469

digging in and I started learning, and

with that, I don't hate it anymore.

470

Yeah.

471

And don't you think, Donna, that women

can actually grow and feel a sense

472

of, it's almost like power or freedom.

473

Like you're like, "Oh,

it's not that hard."

474

And so if they come to someone like

you, you can help them figure it out.

475

I have a financial planner now, too.

476

We didn't.

477

Mm-hmm.

478

So now I have someone.

479

You know, I can ChatGPT things, and then I

can connect with him, and I actually have

480

my finger on, I know exactly what we have.

481

And I have s- it is so freeing,

and I don't feel afraid,

482

and I want it for everyone.

483

Yeah.

484

I just want every woman.

485

I don't care if you're in a good

marriage or you just have no idea

486

what's going on with finances.

487

Find out.

488

Speaker 2: Yeah.

489

Speaker: Learn about it.

490

Speaker 2: No, I, I agree with you,

and that's one of the big things,

491

too, is just starting, like, the first

few pages of the Divorce Money Map.

492

All right.

493

So wait, what was in my

name before I got married?

494

And what is in my name now?

495

than what's in our name together.

496

Some of those things we could just

kind of know intuitively, 'cause we

497

look at the top of the checkbook and it

has both our names or just one, right?

498

Or we get a statement from

our old former employer.

499

Well, that's just in your name, right?

500

Mm-hmm.

501

Like, these are those things that we

can just help you kind of very quickly

502

decipher, and then all of a sudden the

clouds start to clear, and you start

503

to realize, like, "Wait, as a human on

this earth, I actually have a net worth.

504

I actually own X, Y, and Z."

505

Like, this is it.

506

And let's go back to my

own mom's divorce, right?

507

Like, she literally had a joint checking

account that could have been siphoned

508

at any point in time, and nothing else

besides the house was titled in her name.

509

She was scared to death, right-

Yeah … when my dad said she

510

wanted a divorce, and that's okay.

511

Come to the table with a

financial professional and

512

say, "I am scared to death."

513

Right.

514

"I just used to live on the fact-

Yeah … that he deposited X amount

515

of money, and I spent it, and if I

didn't spend it on groceries, it was

516

a little extra for that Disney trip

for the family," which we never…

517

Well, we got to once, right?

518

But these are those things.

519

It was like, "Did we get there?"

520

It was.

521

We…

522

It was extended with more family.

523

Um- Right … but those are those

things, and I think when you start

524

to understand where the money is,

where it sits, what you do and don't

525

have, that's where the empowerment is.

526

You've said it a few times.

527

Like, the, the challenge

is where we learn.

528

There's a great book out there,

The Obstacle Is the Way, right?

529

Speaker: Wow.

530

Speaker 2: When you get through that,

when you start to just understand

531

some of the basic terms or your basic

strength or what you don't know,

532

well, then you can have a professional

help you fill in the blanks, right?

533

Right.

534

And a lot of what the Divorce Money Map

is, not everybody has enough money to

535

sit there and say, "I'm gonna hire C-

CDFA," or, "I'm gonna hire a CFP," right?

536

But they have to put all their assets or

all of their income or all their savings,

537

their nest egg, into hiring a divorce

attorney, 'cause it got complicated.

538

Like, maybe mediation- Right … is

not working, or just that gentleman's

539

agreement isn't working anymore.

540

Well, do a lot of this work

in the Divorce Money Map.

541

It really was made to be user friendly

on your own if you don't wanna reach out

542

to a financial professional or you can't.

543

Mm,

544

Speaker: right.

545

Speaker 2: Take that to your divorce

attorney, and they will be thankful,

546

because you have just summarized what

you know and what you don't know.

547

Yeah.

548

Now they can go in as attorneys in

discovery and find the rest of it.

549

Speaker: Well, and Donna, as we're

sitting here talking, don't you

550

think this is important whether

you're getting divorced or not?

551

100% But the … Right?

552

I mean, like I said, it's changed my

life just to have a better understanding.

553

So having the Divorce Money Map

and reading it and educating

554

yourself gives you power.

555

Speaker 2: Yeah.

556

Speaker: Knowledge.

557

Speaker 2: And I'll be- well, to

your point, like, the, the process

558

of understanding where you are is

the same whether you're going through

559

divorce or widowhood or you're just

trying to build your own financil-

560

financial- Yeah … education.

561

So I have three books, A Guide

to Widowhood, A Guide to Blended

562

Families, and they're more like

novels with PDFs you can download.

563

Yeah.

564

Go.

565

Go download any of those and use

them- … whether you're married or

566

not, or you're a mom that wants to

teach your daughter how to manage her

567

own finances after she leaves college.

568

Oh my gosh, please do that

for the next generation.

569

Yeah.

570

If you even know you

can do it on your own.

571

But the books were kind of easy.

572

They were the stories, but the

techniques, the downloads, the PDFs,

573

the asset and liability, the net

worth, those are those lingos, right?

574

I love.

575

That we tell you what they are.

576

They're the same.

577

They're the same for

you're divorced or not.

578

So yeah, please go.

579

Yeah.

580

They're, they're available

complimentary downloads.

581

Take them and start

582

Speaker: today.

583

Speaker 2: I

584

Speaker: love it.

585

Okay.

586

So where do they find these downloads?

587

When, when they-

You- … purchase the book?

588

Speaker 2: Yeah, you, for many of them,

yes, you can purchase the book on,

589

on, uh, either Amazon, Barnes & Noble,

places like that, and that will come.

590

In the book you'll see

where to download it.

591

But go to donnajeankendrick.com

592

and sniff around a little bit- okay

593

and you're gonna find them.

594

Yeah.

595

Speaker: Well, and I, I think I would

be interested in reading the stories.

596

Did you say it reads like a novel?

597

And I'm so impressed.

598

I'm working on a book right now.

599

Yeah.

600

I mean, I think maybe

when I start I'll be- I'm

601

Speaker 2: a statistician by trade.

602

This was painful.

603

Like, and thank God I have a loving

second husband who was like- …"You

604

go, go away.

605

Go away up to like…"

606

We have a little place in the Poconos.

607

He's like, "I will keep all six

kids- Oh … and you just go write."

608

'Cause there's no way you're gonna

write with them here and, 'cause

609

if I didn't like it I'd be like,

"Oh, I think the kids look hungry."

610

I'd go downstairs and

cook something for them.

611

Right.

612

Like, no.

613

It is- Go.

614

Go write

615

… Speaker: it, it is a challenge, and I'm at

the point where, like, the s- the story,

616

I have a bunch, the stories are done.

617

Now I'm just, like, revamping them and

trying to get them in the right order,

618

and it's just really hard to find…

619

And I get, I, I mean, I don't, I have

adult kids, I have grandchildren.

620

Now I'm, like, sneaking off to

the grandkids or the horse or-

621

Yeah … you know, so I think I need

to do what you're talking about and

622

just take off and really focus on it.

623

'Cause it is an amazing process too.

624

It is.

625

But when you were talking about you

wrote a novel, I'm like, "Okay, I

626

wanna read that," a- about things.

627

Because you had mentioned,

and I don't know if this is in

628

your novel or not, your mom.

629

You mentioned your mom

going through a divorce.

630

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

631

Speaker: And that was a while back, right?

632

Speaker 2: Oh, yeah,

633

' Speaker: 80s.

634

Back when a lot of women didn't…

635

And it was different.

636

Speaker 2: It was.

637

Speaker: Yeah.

638

And I-

639

Speaker 2: They didn't have their

ability to have a bank account with

640

their name in I think until the '70s.

641

That's

642

Speaker: crazy.

643

Speaker 2: Yeah.

644

Speaker: Did that play a role in

you doing this work, do you think?

645

Speaker 2: I think that played a role.

646

I mean, and then we see extended

families, like, that are going

647

through divorces and things like that.

648

I think what was most impactful, good

question, is I saw my mom struggle.

649

For someone who had given up her career,

again, didn't have enough money to

650

qualify for a mortgage on her own, had

to make the very good settlement with

651

my dad that they got to keep the house

until, um, I was 18 and out of school,

652

and then the house would be settled.

653

'Cause she couldn't qualify

for a mortgage on her own.

654

Yeah.

655

She just didn't have

the income level there.

656

But she had made some mistakes.

657

Um, I c- I won't call them mistakes.

658

I, backing it up, she had made

some decisions that she wasn't

659

educated about on her own.

660

Mm-hmm.

661

Giving parts of the pension in

exchange for alimony, not knowing

662

that if she got married again- Right

663

she would lose the alimony.

664

Wow.

665

Not knowing if she got married

again, my dad was gonna be like,

666

"Good, sell the house now," right?

667

Like, these are those things- Right

… that even though the divorce was settled,

668

she was not educated on enough about.

669

So that made me passionate about

being truly independent should

670

something happen to my marriage.

671

But let's fast-forward.

672

I just shared earlier that when my

first husband Greg passed, I didn't

673

have a credit card in my name.

674

Speaker: Right.

675

I

676

Speaker 2: kind of just got busy

with life- I know … with living

677

abroad, with having three kids, right?

678

And I had given up my ability to

qualify for a morgu- mortgage 'cause

679

I didn't have any earned income.

680

Oh my goodness.

681

Mm-hmm.

682

So the passion for what I've done

in my practice and families in

683

transition being that focus, a lot

of it came from me kicking myself for

684

the own insecurities of I will never

be in that position my mom was in.

685

And when Gr- died, it wasn't a divorce.

686

I'm in the position my mom was in, and

that was really, um, hard for me to,

687

one, acknowledge, I can say it now.

688

Yeah.

689

But to witness myself,

who went to college.

690

My mom didn't.

691

She graduated high school, was

married by- Yeah … 19, right?

692

Who had her own career, who had

her own savings, who ran all of

693

the day-to-day finances, right?

694

To say, "Oh my God, how far did I come?

695

I'm right where she was."

696

Mm-hmm.

697

Right?

698

And I'm not saying that in a bad way.

699

I'm just saying that that was the

lesson I had to learn, and that's where

700

that passion for I don't want someone

else to wind- Mm … wind up here.

701

Yeah.

702

The reason why I say it was a novel,

our books, is because yeah, there are

703

these financial tips in there, and

downloadables, and how to understand

704

this, and how to check titling and,

and what does it mean, this word,

705

that word, that word, this word.

706

Right.

707

There's a lot of jargon in there.

708

But the stories are in there because

I want people to understand that

709

I lived this, that these are the

stories of the people around me,

710

and that this is why it's important.

711

And your story could probably

be in one of those books too.

712

True.

713

Right?

714

So let's take that story and let's

use the solutions within the books.

715

The only one that isn't, uh, story

based is The Divorce Money Map.

716

Speaker: Yeah.

717

It's suppo- It's forever learning.

718

The learning.

719

Yeah.

720

Speaker 2: It- it's a workbook.

721

And it was supposed to be like the

other two, um, because again, we

722

can use those same resources and

just apply it to blended families-

723

Yeah … and apply it here- Yes

724

and then put the stories around it.

725

I wanted it to be soup to nuts, left page

all the way- Every way … to the end.

726

Yeah.

727

Everything in one spot and workable.

728

That's what I

729

Speaker: want.

730

Yes, I like that.

731

I like that.

732

Okay.

733

When you were talking about how you f-

were disappointed maybe, I, is the word

734

you used, when you felt like you were in

the same position that your mom was in.

735

Speaker 2: Yeah.

736

Speaker: I have a question for you because

something hit me so hard when I was a new

737

attorney, um, and I actually, I got my

master's before I had the babies, and I

738

went to law school when I ha- after the…

739

I had an infant and, like, a two-year-old.

740

Speaker 2: Oh, God bless you.

741

Speaker: So, well, I mean, you know.

742

So, um, there were good things about

it, and there were bad things about it.

743

But then I remember I had decided…

744

I worked for, it kind of

worked out perfect where my

745

youngest was in kindergarten,

and then I started my practice.

746

And then I was like, "Yeah, I'm not done,"

so we get, we adopted eight years after.

747

And I'm like, "I'm just

take some time off."

748

And I, I kept my license and I

would maybe, I did elder law.

749

You know, I would go to older people

and, and help them with whatever,

750

medical assistance planning.

751

But I remember going to a legal education

course, and this hardcore family law

752

attorney said to everyone, "I advise

everyone to never be a stay-at-home mom."

753

And I was like- And I thought,

"Mm, ugh, ick," right?

754

And that was hard to swallow.

755

I think we could say that different,

because I think you can make that choice.

756

Mm-hmm.

757

However, you need to look, still

be aware what the finances are.

758

Don't stick your head in the

sand like I probably did, right?

759

Mm-hmm.

760

And what, what, what's your…

761

What do you think, uh, uh,

about that, about what she said?

762

And would that…

763

Is that what you're saying?

764

Like, do you wish you would've

kept a higher- Yeah … paying job?

765

Or go a l- dig a little more into that.

766

Speaker 2: Yeah.

767

No, what I'm saying is I wish I would

have educated myself more- Okay … or

768

had somebody tell me what to do

next so I wasn't in that situation.

769

So let's back it up.

770

I could have kept the

credit card in my name- Yeah

771

not just become an authorized

user on my husband's.

772

As life got busy and he was like,

"Ooh, this is a great perk that

773

gives us airline miles," right?

774

Like, okay.

775

Mm-hmm.

776

Like, I'll sign up as an authorized user

and you can get- Right … 500 more.

777

I never thought he was

going to die at 43, right?

778

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

779

Speaker 2: And I could have, while I was

still working before I went abroad, gotten

780

another credit card in my name, put our

Netflix on it, and paid it every month.

781

Speaker: Right.

782

Speaker 2: Keeping my credit history

clear, username right there, age of

783

credit, length of credit is important.

784

If I would've done that the year

before we went abroad, I would've

785

had eight years of credit history on

s- something that was just a small,

786

small account that I just kept going.

787

Also, I wish there was someone who

to- do- told me and Greg what our cash

788

reserve could have been on, right?

789

We were actually able to save a lot of

money when we were living abroad 'cause

790

we didn't have a mortgage at that time.

791

Mm-hmm.

792

We bought an investment property, which

was a great thing, and it wound up

793

paying us, um, rent when it came through.

794

Oh, but wait, when your husband dies

and the tenants leave three months

795

later, uh-oh, there's no rent.

796

That's not passive income.

797

Yeah.

798

Now I owe.

799

Right?

800

But I didn't have enough cash

reserve, we call it, three to six

801

months of what it would cost me to

be me, to cover those basic bills

802

without putting it on a credit card.

803

I didn't know that word.

804

It might have been called a rainy day

fund, which is what my aunt told me to

805

have when I walked down the wedding aisle.

806

Like, she was like, "Just always

remember, take a little bit of his

807

paycheck and put it aside, 'cause

you never know what's gonna happen."

808

And I thought she was antiquated.

809

She was right.

810

Speaker: Yeah.

811

Speaker 2: And I did have a little one,

and it lasted me a good month, right?

812

Right.

813

And I was so thankful for that.

814

I should have had that times six.

815

Speaker: Yeah.

816

Speaker 2: Should have.

817

Speaker: Well, a- okay, so for

everything that you're saying,

818

your book is for every woman.

819

Speaker 2: Yeah.

820

Speaker: Don't you feel like you could…

821

Like, and- and that's how I feel.

822

The work that I do helping women could

help women not just going through

823

divorce, but they're the women that

are coming f- to me for the help.

824

I just feel like I want every

woman, every woman who's getting

825

married, to be a part of this.

826

Don't just, you know, let your

husband or husbands just let your

827

spouse take care of the finances.

828

Be involved so that you are able,

you're not left like, "Ah," in

829

the- Yeah … in the state of fear.

830

Speaker 2: Yeah.

831

And in my own second

marriage now, like, so- Yeah

832

I share with my husband's a carpenter.

833

He has zero interest

in the finances, right?

834

I'm the breadwinner now, and he's

just like, "Oh, you've got it.

835

I married a financial planner.

836

This is easy.

837

I got it done."

838

And it's what if something

happens to me, right?

839

Right.

840

Speaker: And

841

Speaker 2: so I force him, it used to

be every month, and then I realized that

842

was just busting his attention span.

843

Once a quarter, I make him sit down and

look at, we call it our portals through my

844

company, but the portal which shows every

account, what we own, what we owe, where

845

all the investments are, where are things

in his name, where are they in mine, where

846

are the accounts for the kids, right?

847

'Cause we have six kids, and

yes, we help all of them, right?

848

Yeah.

849

With managing their

tuition and the whole bit.

850

They go from 16 to 24.

851

They're still our babies.

852

Woo,

853

Speaker: you're busy.

854

Speaker 2: Right?

855

Yeah, we are.

856

I make him look at everything.

857

And then he says, "Okay, and

what if something happens to you?

858

Who's in charge?

859

Who's in charge of blank, blank, blank?

860

Where do things go?"

861

But he's telling me,

"Thanks for showing me.

862

I still don't wanna be in charge of it."

863

Right.

864

So I've hired a financial planner to take

care of Jim if something happens to me.

865

Oh, nice.

866

And that's a little hard, right?

867

To say, like, "Hi, I'm a financial

planner, come judge everything I've done."

868

That's not the per- right?

869

It's not the person that I've hired.

870

Like, this is someone

who's a colleague of mine.

871

Right.

872

And she knows where the access

is, where to get everything.

873

Yeah.

874

And also the person who's in

charge of my estate or of my,

875

executor of my will is not Jim.

876

It's my best friend.

877

Oh.

878

And so she sits with me every month,

and she is a trusted contact, and she

879

knows everything that's on the portal.

880

She comes upstairs and she looks

at where my safe deposit bo- well,

881

not my safe deposit, my safe, and

all of my files are organized.

882

So she knows that that's the safe

for the kids, that's the safe for

883

me, that's the safe for Jim, and

that's the safe for the family.

884

Wow.

885

So we physically have documents

kind of separated out so that she

886

can have an easy run should, God

forbid, something happen to me.

887

Over-plan?

888

Maybe a little bit, but when I have

Jim who doesn't care, I need to find a

889

way to make it still work for him if,

God forbid, something happens for me.

890

Yeah.

891

And that's why I say lean

in on the who, not how.

892

Yeah.

893

Make a difference.

894

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

895

I like that, and I've got work to do

because it, it's just so in- I think my

896

husband's interested in finances, but

not the details, and I would sit down

897

and wanna show him the budget every

week, and I could not get him to do it.

898

Yeah.

899

So maybe once a month.

900

Maybe it's once a month.

901

Speaker 2: Yeah.

902

Yep, or once a quarter, or I print

it out and bind it, and, like,

903

somewhere in there I paste a $20 bill.

904

Like, and he just- … go, he'll,

he'll page through and act like he's

905

reading if he can get the $20 bill.

906

Oh, man.

907

No, he's not like that.

908

He has access to his own money.

909

But to take it from me would be fun.

910

So.

911

Speaker: Oh my gosh, that's hilarious.

912

Well, Donna, I'm looking.

913

I haven't even looked at the

clock, and then we've gone a

914

little bit over, um, time, but it's

been so awesome to talk to you.

915

I love your story.

916

I love the work that you're doing.

917

I'm going to read all those books, and

listeners, I will f- I'll have them,

918

uh, in the show notes, or people can

find you, say it again, Donna Kendrick.

919

Speaker 2: At donnajeankendrick.com.

920

That's- All right … the

world will open up there.

921

Donnajeankendrick.com.

922

Speaker: Wonderful.

923

Well, I so appreciate you being here, and

I appreciate the work that you're doing.

924

Speaker 2: Well, thank you for

letting me talk a little bit.

925

I appreciate it.

926

Speaker: You bet.

927

Thanks so much.

928

You take good care.

929

Speaker 2: You, too.

930

Bye bye.

931

Speaker: Bye.