Shownotes
We treat resilience like armour, something hard and impressive. But the people who actually live resilient lives are not hard on the inside. They have learned to bend without breaking, built out of small daily practices instead of dramatic strength. This conversation takes resilience apart and looks at what it really requires.
Host Shreya sits with Lauren Fonvielle to explore inner resilience as something built one ordinary day at a time. They get into emotional honesty, why suppression is not strength, and how EFT tapping and small thought shifts can move you through hard emotions instead of around them. You will leave with practices small enough to survive a heavy week.
About the Guest:
Lauren Fonvielle is an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) trainer and practitioner who works with clients on creating real change in their lives. Her work centres on acknowledging emotions, moving energy, and building resilience from the inside out.
Key Takeaways:
- Hardness is a defense; resilience is a relationship with yourself that lets you bend without breaking.
- Suppressing emotions does not make them disappear. Unfelt feelings eventually show up in the body or in how you treat people.
- Connect what you feel to what you are thinking. A small check-in can nudge you up one notch on the scale, not from sad to ecstatic, but enough to move.
- EFT tapping pairs gentle pressure on meridian points with spoken emotional honesty, and has been associated with lowered stress responses.
- You do not have to feel strong to be strong. Showing up in small ways on unwatched days is where resilience is actually built.
Connect With Lauren Fonvielle:
Website: mindshiftwithlauren.com
Instagram: Mind Shift with Lauren
YouTube: Mind Shift with Lauren
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Resilience, Misunderstood — why it is not armour
[03:00] The Morning That Sets the Tone — affirmation, meditation, slow starts (approx.)
[07:00] Strength or Suppression? — outgrowing the version that just looked tough (approx.)
[13:00] The Tiny Thought Shifts — checking in and moving the needle (approx.)
[18:00] The Quiet Middle of a Hard Chapter — feeling it to heal it (approx.)
[24:00] Walking Beside Someone You Love — presence without rescue, and surrogate tapping (approx.)
[29:00] Where to Find Lauren — Mind Shift with Lauren (approx.)
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Transcripts
00:00:08 Shreya: welcome to Mind Over Matter. I'm your host, Shreya, and this is the show where we explore the inner architecture that allows people to come through hard things without becoming hurt themselves. The mindset shifts, the small practices, the honest work that quietly determines whether life makes us bitter or strangely wiser. And tonight is going to be one of those conversations. And my guest tonight is Lauren Fonvielle, who brings a thoughtful, grounded sensibility to the inner work of building resilience and strength from the inside out. So welcome, Lauren. I'm honored to have you here on my show.
00:00:45 Lauren Fonvielle: Thanks so much for having me. I'm happy to be here.
00:00:48 Shreya: Thank you so much. And just before we begin, a quick disclaimer for my listeners,
00:01:30 Shreya: And with that, Lauren, before we go anywhere, I want to start somewhere small. Like when you wake up in the morning right now, what is the first thought that arrives and what do you do with it?
00:01:44 Lauren Fonvielle: Um, well, I usually start my day, um, with a, with a positive affirmation, like just telling myself I'm going to, I'm going to have a good day. That's been part of my, um, part of my practice for a while. And then I usually move into doing a meditation my mornings I like to, I like to try and try and have, you know, slow mornings. That isn't always the case. But, um, yeah, taking some, taking some time to, to get centered is, is a really important part of my day.
00:02:21 Shreya: That's beautiful. And thank you for sharing this. And, uh, I want to start here because resilience is one of those words that has been used so often that it has almost lost its meaning. So tell me, uh, what it actually is in your experience, not the dictionary version, the live version, the version that you have watched yourself and the people around you grow into a real unglamorous work. What does resilience look like on the inside of a person who has it? And where do most people misunderstand what it requires.
00:02:59 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah, I think I think resilience can, you know, can look different in different situations. But I think it's really just a practice of continuing to show up for yourself and, uh, you know, recognizing what it is that what it is that you need, asking yourself, checking in with yourself about how you feel and also how you want to feel and, and taking steps towards, you know, creating change in your life if you need to, so that you can feel the way that, that you, that you want to feel. I work with a lot of clients who, um, you know, come to me because they want to create change in their, in their life. And, you know, the first step is, is acknowledging that there's, that there's something to change. Um, and that, you know, you can chip away at something. It doesn't have to be, um, it doesn't have to be like massive change overnight. You know, it's like the little, the little things that you, that you do, how you start your day, the way that you talk to yourself. Um, those, those things can have a big impact over time.
00:04:10 Shreya: And the version of resilience you have, uh, you have had to outgrow yourself. The one that looked like strength, but was actually just suppression. What was it?
00:04:24 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, I think a lot of people suppress how they, how they feel. Um, and, and that's a big part of the work that I do too, as a EFT trainer. Emotional freedom techniques. It's a lot about acknowledging how you feel, acknowledging your emotions because all too often we tend to, you know, be uncomfortable with uncomfortable emotion. We don't like feeling stressed or anxious or overwhelmed or frustrated or angry or sad. You know, we don't enjoy feeling those things. So sometimes it can feel easier to just pretend like everything's okay. But I think most of us would agree that in the long run, you know, all that stuff that you've been suppressing, suppressing over time is going to build up and it's going to take its toll. And sometimes it takes its toll physically on the body where you start to have physical pain in the body. And then sometimes it takes its toll emotionally. And you have these, you know, emotional outbursts or you or you, you know, don't necessarily treat someone the way they deserve to be treated, you snap or something like that. And so that's why it's so important to hold space and acknowledge the emotions that you're, that you're feeling so that you can move through them and, um, and not be controlled by them.
00:05:50 Shreya: Yeah, I think, I think there is something honest in what you just said, because I think a lot of people confuse hardness with resilience and they are not the same thing. Like hardness is a defense and resilience is a relationship with yourself that allows you to bend without breaking the the like, whatever, I understand. And I think the willingness to outgrow the version of strength that was actually just suppression. That is a significant inner step. And, and, uh, one, a lot of listener are quietly standing on that edge right now. And I think there is a quite truth about resilience that does not get said enough. It is not built in dramatic moments. It is built in tiny, almost invisible, uh, thought practices that happens every day, mostly unnoticed. So can you walk us into that? Like, what are the small thought shifts you have come to trust? The ones, uh, that have shaped your inner architecture more than any big realization ever. Then how does somebody listening actually begin installing one without it feeling like another self-improvement project?
00:07:03 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah, I think, I think the simplest thing to do is beginning to connect how you're feeling with what you're thinking. And so what sometimes I'll have my clients do is even just like set an alarm on their phone. And when that alarm goes off, asking yourself, how am I feeling right now? And if the answer is like, I'm feeling great, I'm feeling happy. I'm feeling joyful, wonderful. What are what are you thinking about? And if the answer to that question is, I'm feeling sad or lonely or overwhelmed again, what are you thinking about? You know, noticing where you are focusing your attention. And, um, not to say that we're going to pretend like it's not there because it's because it's important, but acknowledging how you're feeling and beginning to move through that. And in doing so, then you really can begin to move that needle towards the better thought or feeling, right? Like if we're able to acknowledge, let's say, the sadness and the deep grief that, that we're feeling in that process, maybe there's a thought that comes up like, yeah, I'm really sad and overwhelmed, but I'm also really grateful because I have a beautiful support system. And that tiny shift, that one little thought can help to move you up a notch on the, on the scale. And so, you know, you're not going to go from really sad to, to incredibly happy quickly. But when you take the time to check in with yourself, you can slowly move that needle.
00:08:41 Shreya: Yeah. And what is the thought practice that always surprises people because it works much faster than they expected.
00:08:52 Lauren Fonvielle: Well, my favorite is EFT tapping the Emotional Freedom Technique, which is this practice of gently tapping on certain points of the body while simultaneously acknowledging these emotions that you're feeling. And so the points that you're tapping on are the end points of the meridians. So it's the same, same types of points that if you were to go to an acupuncturist, they would, you know, be putting those tiny little needles in. But instead of needles, we're doing acupressure by gently tapping on these points. And so this practice of, of tapping on the points and speaking out loud and acknowledging how you're feeling really helps people to shift. So that's what I like to focus on when I, when I work with my clients and, you know, I incorporate other, other healing modalities in there. But it has been, it has been a game changer for me in my life. And I've had the, you know, honor and privilege of sharing it with, with lots of others and seeing how it changes their lives too.
00:09:54 Shreya: I think that really lands because I think this is where most resilience advice fails. Ordinary people like it, overshoots it. It gives them another big lifestyle. Ask when what they actually need is one small thought to start working with, and the practice you just offered is exactly that size. Like it can be folded into a normal day without rearranging anything. I think that is what makes it survive. And thank you for sharing this. And, uh, like most stories about resilience, focus on the comeback, the recovery, the triumphant return. Uh, but the more honest part of resilience is what happens during the setback when there is no comeback in sight yet, uh, when the situation has not improved, when no one is congratulating you for surviving. So can you tell me about that part of your own life, like the quiet middle of a hard chapter and what you slowly learned about your own foundation by being in being in it, without rescue.
00:11:00 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah, I think it just comes down the importance of feeling the feelings. And I always like to say, you need to, you need to feel it, to heal it. You're not going to, you're not going to miraculously feel better just by, you know, saying, I'm so happy. Life is great when that's not when that's not the truth. There's a real power in verbalizing and saying out loud how you actually feel, even if you're just saying it out loud to yourself. And so you know that that type of honesty with yourself is incredibly powerful and incredibly important.
00:11:40 Shreya: Yeah. And, what is the version of yourself you most respect from that chapter? Like, what was she doing that nobody saw?
00:11:50 Lauren Fonvielle: MM. Yeah. I think for me, you know, a big part of my, you know, my personal practice when I'm going through hard times is, is journaling and, and continuing to write down how I feel that practice is very, um, it's very cathartic for me. And it's, and it's helpful to like in, in the future to like to be able to kind of go back and reference it and really remember how, how I was feeling and be able to change or see the change and, and feel the change in, in reading those old journal entries. And so I think just making, making the practices that work for you a priority, um, is, is what's important. And that's going to look different for everybody. For me, you know, I, I, I prioritize tapping and, and meditation and journaling and for somebody else, it could be something different. You know, I, and then at the same time too, I think that a big part of this is, is the physical part of, of moving the body and, um, and listening to your body. What is your body telling you? If, if the sensation that you're experiencing in your body could speak to you, what would it say? You know, I think it's just generally having a sense of curiosity and, um, yeah, being curious with, with what's going on with yourself.
00:13:14 Shreya: Yeah. I think there is something I want to hold for a second, because what you said and what you just shared is the most underrated piece of any resilience story, like the version of you in the middle of it, before the meaning had arrived, before the lesson had clarified, just continuing to be a person and the willingness to honor that version of yourself, instead of waiting for the polished narrative to arrive, is the real foundation underneath every real comeback. And I want to bring this, uh, all the way down to Real Tuesday. Like, what is the daily practice of resilience actually look like in your life? Like, not the special week, not the retreat, the regular un unremarkable, slightly tired week with bills that obligations and with ordinary stress. Can you walk us through the small rhythms that quietly hold your inner world together and like what you have learned about which practices survive a hard season versus versus which ones break the moment that life gets heavy?
00:14:21 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah. I think you know. Well, I think one thing that's important is, is, is asking for help and knowing, knowing that it's okay to, to ask for help and support when you're in those heavy seasons. Because sometimes when you are really in the, in the thick of it, it is hard to see the forest from the trees. And so, you know, asking for help is, is an important part of that. Um, and, and having that and then relying on that support system that you, that you have built for yourself. And, you know, again, taking, taking little steps, doing little, little things for yourself because, you know, when you're, when you're in a difficult season there, it often can just feel really overwhelming. Like I, I can't like, I can't do it. It's, everything's just too much, you know, and so maybe like thinking small and, and, and letting it be okay. And, you know, um, yeah, just, just continuing to, to acknowledge how you're actually feeling. I think that's, I think that's the best thing that you can do.
00:15:38 Shreya: And like the, like, what is the practice you keep coming back to even when you have nothing left for me.
00:15:47 Lauren Fonvielle: It's it's tapping. It's it's coming to the practice of the emotional freedom technique. And, um, not only has that has this practice been shown to reduce cortisol, which is the stress levels in the body, the stress hormone. Um, but it also helps with, um, you know, just, just moving energy. It helps to create clarity. It helps to kind of clear the fog, so to speak. So for me, it's tapping. Um, but I, you know, I have other, I have other friends who, who are, you know, die hard meditators and they will meditate every single day. And that's what helps them. And I think it's, you know, it's about exploring what resonates most for you because what works for one person isn't necessarily going to work for another. Um, and so I always encourage people to explore what they're interested in. So whether that's a class that, you know, um, you, you saw a pop up and you're, you're intrigued by it, or maybe it's something that you read about or you saw, um, in a documentary or you saw a flyer or a friend mentioned it in conversation, right? When these things start to make themselves known and they start to show up in your universe in that way, I like to think of them as, you know, little winks from the universe. And when that, when there's that kind of thing happening for you, be curious and, and allow yourself to explore that because that modality might be the thing that really helps you to feel better and get where you want to be.
00:17:29 Shreya: Yeah. I love that you brought it down to something that's so small because, uh, this is exactly where most resilience teaching use ordinary people. It becomes a routine you can only sustain when life is already manageable and you shared something so simple. Not very easy, but it is simple that anybody can follow this and it's really beautiful. And, uh, sometimes the resilience we want to build is not just for ourselves. There is somebody we love who is in a hard chapter, and we are watching them and we want to help without overstepping. So, uh, can you tell me how you support somebody you love in building their own resilience without taking it on for them? Like, where is the doorway between presence and rescue, and what does real support actually look like in the life of someone who has to do work themselves?
00:18:26 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah, yeah. I mean, I honestly, I think it comes down to, to, to being a good friend and, um, you know, perhaps offering help sometimes people don't even know what it is that they need. And so a simple offer of, you know, I don't know, picking up their kid from dance and, you know, and, and helping them out that way. Uh, offering something tangible to, to a friend that, you know, is going through something that's like something simple that you can do that that can be helpful, helpful to them. Um, and, you know, I think it's also also respecting their boundaries, like if you can offer help and if they aren't in a place where they're ready or willing to, to accept it, like make sure that you honor that, you know, but, um, but there's also with tapping, there's also something called surrogate tapping. And so that's a practice of acknowledging your emotions around it, right? So like if you have a loved one who's really struggling, that can be emotionally difficult for you, right? So do talking about and acknowledging all of the feelings that you have about it, like maybe it makes you really sad to see them caught up in the same cycle and making the same decisions that are keeping them stuck. And that's really, you know, upsetting to you. So acknowledging how you feel about it is, is going to be helpful. And then you can do a tapping session or a round of tapping on us as if not necessarily actually talking to the person. But if you were talking to them, what would you say? And then, you know, kind of work through some of that and then you can move into what's called, um, you know, tapping as if you are the person and this isn't right for everybody, but it's, you know, if, what do you think they would say? What do you think is really bothering them? And that, that this practice can kind of uncover, um, things that you didn't necessarily know that were there and, and it can help you to soften up to their energy. And perhaps, you know, the way that you approach them might shift a little bit. And then in response to your different energy, they may they may respond differently or more positively. So, you know, again, I think it comes down to really just honoring, honoring, honoring your feelings and what we call in tapping, following the trail.
00:20:58 Shreya: Yeah, I think that is the line I think a lot of listeners needed to hear tonight because the conversation usually stays on personal resilience when most of us are also trying to walk beside somebody we love through, uh, their own hardness and like what you just described, this delicate balance of presence without rescue is one of the most loving and one of the most hardest things a person can practice. And thank you so much for joining and sharing so much information and your experiences, your stories with us. And if after this, my listeners want to connect with you and want to learn more about you or about your work. Then what's the best way to find you?
00:21:42 Lauren Fonvielle: Yeah, they can, um, they can find my website, which is Mindshift with Lauren dot com. And I'm also on Instagram. Same thing. Mindshift with Lauren. Um, and, uh, I have a YouTube channel that's also mindshift with Lauren. So you can find me on all those, all those platforms.
00:22:03 Shreya: Yes. And I will definitely make sure to attach all these details and links below in the show notes so that the listeners can find them easily and get in touch with you. And thank you again, Lauren. I think this is the kind of conversation mind over matter was built for quite strong, honest about what real resilience actually requires. And to all my listeners, especially the ones in the middle of a setback that has not yet turned into a comeback, I will leave you with this. You do not have to feel strong to be strong. You do not have to look composed to be doing the work. We just have to keep showing up for yourself in small, unglamorous ways. On days where nobody is watching, that is where resilience actually leads, and you have been building it longer than you have given yourself credit for. And do not forget to hit the follow button. Subscribe and feel free to share your thoughts because your ears deserve premium content. Thank you.
