ROMANCE, LOVE AND DATING – SWIPE RIGHT AND LEFT. In Episode 48 of the Shining Brightly Podcast Show titled WHAT IS TRUE LOVE? I am joined by the amazing and energetic “CUPID WHISPERER” Ry Duong. How do you start in the cultivation of True Love?  We discuss self-love for the individual and the couple. Ry helps you shine on your first date and more. Should you split the check or kiss on the first date? Respect, honesty and communication are vital. Relationships are a team sport. Check out Ry’s upcoming LOVE summit – From Heartbreak to "Happily Ever After" - Wednesday, October 25th, at 11.00 AM to Friday, October 27th, at 7.00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada) (sign up link in the comments). Come download, listen, share and review this fun filled show all about finding TRUE LOVE!

Mentioned Resources –

Website: https://Leaderfortruelove.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ry.duong.940

Instagram: @leader_for_true_love

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leaderfortruelove/

Free gift: 3 Qualities For Long-Term Relationship PDF

https://highcaliberconnectionsforum.now.site/home

30 minute - Free Love Assessment

Booking Link https://calendly.com/leaderfortruelove

LOVE summit – From Heartbreak to "Happily Ever After" - Wednesday, October 25th, at 11.00 AM to Friday, October 27th, at 7.00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

https://from-heartbreak-to-summit-2310.eventraptor.com/

About the Guest – Ry Duong, also known as the Cupid Whisperer and Leader for True Love, is a relationship coach with a passion for helping single women attract their ideal partners. Having overcome personal struggles and witnessed the devastating impact of heartbreak, Ry is dedicated to empowering others to find love and create fulfilling relationships. With a track record of success stories, Ry understands the challenges of dating firsthand and brings a unique perspective to her coaching approach. Her mission is to guide individuals towards finding compatible, lasting love and living their dreams.

About the Host:

Howard Brown is a best-selling author, award-winning international speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur, interfaith peacemaker, and a two-time stage IV cancer survivor. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant for corporate businesses, nonprofits, congregations, and community groups. Howard has co-founded two social networks that were the first to connect religious communities around the world. He is a nationally known patient advocate and “cancer whisperer” to many families. Howard, his wife Lisa, and daughter Emily currently reside in Michigan, and his happy place is on the basketball court.

Website

Http://www.shiningbrightly.com

Social Media

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36

LinkedIn - https://wwwlinkedin.com/in/howardsbrown

Instagram - @howard.brown.36

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Hello, it's Howard Brown. Welcome to the Shining

Brightly show. All your Maestro at the mic. I've got a good one

today. Relationships. It makes the world go round. Oh my

goodness, it's such an important topic. Ry Duong Thank you.

Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. Look at your bright and

shiny smile. You're already shining brightly. So welcome to

my show.

Thank you so much, Howard for having me. I'm just

honoured to be in your present.

Well, we just did your live stream, which was

amazing. Because you got to feature you know, my actually

relationship and romance and lifelong partner, Lisa, my wife

and chapter six of my book. So thank you. So let me back on

here. This is amazing. I have to tell people about you because

your energy is amazing. Okay, you bring it all the time. And I

am just so appreciative of that. So this is gonna be a high

powered show. So Ry Duong, also known as the cupid whisperer,

leader, for true love this, it's so important. You are a

relationship coach with a passion for helping single women

attract their ideal partners, hopefully single men too,

because they got to have that core, or maybe even same

partners. You know, we live in a modern world. But having

overcome some personal struggles, you witnessed

devastating impact and heartbreak yourself. You're

dedicated to empowering others to find love and create that

fulfilment in relationship really hard. So you need we all

need help with that. Your track record of success stories of

helping people connect, you understand that challenges of

dating firsthand. And you bring a very unique perspective to

your coaching. And your mission is to guide individuals to

finding compatibility, lasting love and living their dreams.

That is so beautiful. Now, here's the question, tell my

listeners something they might not know about you.

Oh, I actually, I am Cambodian. And I speak four

languages. So English, French, Cambodian, and Vietnamese. So

now over the time, yes, over the time, like I use the spoke

fluently Vietnamese, but since I have not spoken for 30 years, I

can only understand it's harder the accent now to speak. But it

wouldn't take me long if I like let's say I immersed with

Vietnamese for like, the next two months, and then I'll come

back.

Okay, here. We're gonna go on off script here. I

want to actually in each language say love, love. Love.

Alright, so Cambodian. How would you say love?

Um, I'm going to start with the French one.

Um, okay. Um, all right.

And then and then in Cambodian salaam salon. Okay. I

don't know what that one would be what it would be now. I can

only understand when they speak now.

That's okay. That's all right. I just because

every The reason I did that is every language has love.

Yes. It really is

It's universal. That was why I did that. I hope

I didn't catch you off guard there. No, it's all good. All

right. So I have to tell you, you have to have a background.

You just don't appear one day and become you know, this. Cupid

whisperer and relationship coach. So take us over, give us

a little background. What brought you to that?

Absolutely. So I as a child, I've always been into

like romantic movies. I'm a hopeless romantic, you know. And

but I never really knew that that would actually lead me to

the path of where I am right now. I've always been obsessed

and passionate about that by fingers own my own personal

life. And so about three years ago, when I actually lost my

little baby sister to the pression, she suffered from a

heartbreak and you know, challenges and different things.

So she left this world. And so I saw that, I can either lay down

on the ground and go because we were like, twin sisters. She was

seven years she was the baby. I'm the oldest. But we were so

connected. She was my yin to my Yang. So we brought the best out

of each other. And so when she left this where I felt like a

part of me left, I don't feel that anymore. But when she did

leave at that point, I realised, okay, here's life throwing you

adversity, you can either stay down on the ground, or you pick

yourself up at that time, I couldn't pick myself up, I was

crawling. And I said, I'm getting us I'm gonna celebrate

the 30 years that I have this amazing 30 years that I have

with her, us that love because we were so tight and create

something magical. So I started the business on relationship. I

was already I was a trained social worker already. I'm

working in the field for decades. And I said well, I want

to be able to really focus hone in on love because I want her

legacy to to continue To tell the story so the hummingbird is

her before she left, she brought me a bracelet. And we both had

matching bracelet that says you are making a difference in this

world. And it had the hummingbird, which is the

carrier of joy and happiness and love to people's life. And so

that moment on, it woke me up. I was in a 17 years relationship

that was quite toxic in a lot of denial, and we went through a

couple of therapy, but when she left this world, I realised that

life is too short. I don't want to live another 510 years, not

living to my full authentic self and having the love that I saw

wants so,

so deserve, I want to just tell you that that

hummingbird and honouring your baby sister's memory is

beautiful. And this is why we're so aligned raised because I

teach in my survivorship to get back up again, I have to

whatever life throws you, okay, but sometimes it's a slow

process. It isn't always overnight, you don't lose 75

pounds in two days if you're going on a diet. And so it's a

process and I'm sure she's still in your heart, but you're

honouring her by having the hummingbird looking over you

right now. And I love it. It's just beautiful. And then you got

married very young at 21. And then had to come into the dating

world later on after 17 years. So you have the experience and

your social work experience as well. So thank you for sharing

that as well. But here's the question. How do you find true

love? And you actually call it how do you cultivate true love?

And I love that word? Yes. Where do you start?

Yeah, so for me, it really everything is all

internal, everything that you put out in the world, it's

almost like it's an illusion of what you see out there. But

everything gets manifested from inside. And I always knew that

as a kid, like I My grandfather was a monk. And before he

actually gave up the the lifestyle of being a monk and

then got married. But so I've always always at the temple and

learning all these moral philosophy, I get very obsessed,

like when I go to the temple, in fact, today is the Cambodian

Halloween celebration. So my parents actually at the temple,

I'm doing this podcast with you. So I'm in there, and spirit and

here with you today. And so, I've always learned that

anything of what you want must start from within. And so if you

want to cultivate true love, true love means it's a deep

connection within yourself, where there's actually you are

selfless when it comes to either loving yourself having that

unconditional self love, it starts within, if you want to

overflow to other people, you have to be good and comfortable

in your own skin and feeling okay with your imperfection. And

so that you can pour onto the love to other people. So this

way, it allows you to track that ideal mate, that perfect partner

who will also matches and align with your values. So true love

to me, it's really about how do I accept myself with all of my

facet. And then it's having that unconditional self love to love

another human being as who they are giving them that space to

exist. And the two of you work as a partnership on this journey

through life.

Yeah, it's teamwork, I have to say. So I

deliver a keynote called look in the mirror. And I have to tell

you, what resonated with me as you're talking and saying this

is that most people do not like what they see on the mirror.

They only look at the imperfections. They look at what

they're lacking. And we're in a society today of influencers,

you know, a Barbie models and perfection. And the truth is

that we're all imperfect. We're all broken in some way. And it's

up to you to repair it. So but coming out of the pandemic,

loneliness, depression was prevalent. And I have to tell

you, you know, being a two time stage four cancer survivor, I

look in the mirror and I say I am blessed. I am grateful. And I

am lucky. And it's time to help others, because I help others

basically helps me help myself. And so you actually work with

individuals, women, but also and do you also work with couples?

I do. I work with couples. I've worked a lot in

the past with couples and now I'm doing couple and mostly in

the video because I have a lot of women that are coming to me

who are like going on these dating app. And one of the

things that I noticed is that there's so much predator out

there with these dating system, you know, they have scripts and

they can easily really get the woman hooked and then you know,

put them in a very vulnerable position. And so I want to be

able to help equally men as women to really navigate that

dating system. Going through that app, how to decode the

behaviour that is being, you know, in the chat, because I

have my clients, they're going on day, they like to have advice

on how do I show up? How do I dress up? How should I be? What

should I do, like, say in terms of the conversation to get him

flowing. And I always tell them, it's very, very important when

you show up on these days to truly be who you are showing the

best asset of who you are, but being real, because oftentimes,

we're so eager to try to please the other person, that we lose

yourself. And so you're not really connecting, where it's

actually aligned with one another. So they text me when

they're on these date, or when they get a phone call from the

guy that put me on speakers. And I listened through it, and I

decode what he's really saying, and how she should be

responding, you know, so it's a lot of fun for me,

I bet. And so I have to tell you that, you know,

I didn't grow up with any of that I'm a little older, right?

I've been married for 29 years, and only Son for 31 years. So

the online dating started, you know, on the computer, you know,

web based, and now it's swipe right, swipe left. And I gotta

tell you, it's a little confusing to me. And then, you

know, I guess you can put up anything you want in your

profile. So what what is real and true is hard to decode. So I

people probably do need help, and a second opinion or trusted

opinion, to be able to actually know that way. I do have

friends, you know, that are now 40s or 50s, and divorced. And

they're using the date. And they are meeting people. They are

meeting people, a good friend of mine, divorced and met and now

getting remarried, after meeting someone on one of the online

dating sites and all that sort of stuff. So I don't know a lot

about it, but you must. And that's where you're part of your

coaching and the cancer where suffering comes out. So what

type of you know, like, some people will be shy, right? They

look at it and saying, I don't know what I'm doing, or I need

help. But they people come to you. And where do you start?

What do you start with them? Right? Yeah,

I really start with them. I really go through an

analysis and assessment a little bit about their history without

going in down deep to really gain clarity of like, What were

their struggle? What are some of their limiting beliefs in terms

of love, you know, a lot of people would say, I want to be

able to find love. But as we go through the discussion, I

realised they're not there yet. Like, they're not actually, they

say they want it, but they're not ready to put in the time and

the effort to actually being able to work at it, to be

serious about it, and to really attract the love that they want.

And there's some old internal baggage and belief that is still

holding them back. So we work through all of that to get them

to the right space and really gain clarity. What do you truly

want? When you say you want love? What does that really

mean? And what does that show up? Like? And what kind of woman

or men are you actually trying to? It's one thing to say, I

want this, but what you truly need is completely different. So

I help them to decipher what is the difference between the two

and get their compass really focused and aligned so that

they're not wasting their time? I don't want like I've been

through it before wasting time on it. I want to be able to help

them use their time efficiently. Because time you can't buy back.

Right, right, right? Yes. And I want them to be able to go on

these date clear knowing what they have to do, and then where

to look for the right type of mate because you could be doing

all of these dating. But if you're in the wrong zone, you're

not going to find your perfect mate. And it's frustrating.

And some of that's geography based but with these

dating apps, they can be anywhere you may and then then

you starting into a long distance relationship rather

than someone that's local. And that's a different dynamic, I

imagine right?

Oh, yeah, it's the long distance dating is really

complicated. Some couple of very small amount of couple actually

make it work. But it's quite different compared to like, you

know, you're seeing the person you're able to interact the

physical, and really just meeting each other at different

location belong distance. It's a lot of like, trust and how do

you how do you know you can actually trust the other person

and the amount of time separate and apart and not being able to

have access to them easily? A lot of insecurity comes into

play.

Yeah, so the trust factor and we'll talk about that

too. All right. I got a couple of questions for you about about

dating so All right. So you come to the date. Should you be

prepared to the gentleman pay for the dinner or the drinks or

split go Dutch?

I'll give you my my preference. Ideally, if you're a

woman, I I think it's okay. It's important to learn to accept,

you know, like if the man is offering and he wants to, and it

makes him feel good, why would you actually hinder that? If you

really, really stick on like, let's splitting in half, you can

do that, if that's how you feel, and that's okay. But I would

never offer for the woman to pay for the date, I wouldn't go

there it is the first date. It's him showing how He's a gentleman

that he really tends and care for you. And I can tell you on

one of my few dates, I went to a Tim horn with this one man, and

he won't even pay for my massage. And I'm like, I you

know what? That's an X. I'm not seeing you again.

Yeah, again, some people okay with that. And then

right. So next question, is that? Should you actually and

again, this is very your general, but do you kiss on the

first date,

I always say there was like, there's so many rules. But

nothing is every a cookie cutter, I really think you

really need to go with the synergy and the attraction.

Whatever's happening there, if it feels right, and you want to,

don't hold back, like, do it because it feels right to you.

And then from there you discover. I know there are

certain things that people always say, Oh, these rules. And

sometimes they work but I don't want people to play a game. It's

like, just go with what feels good to your heart. If you're

feeling it, he's feeling it and you want to then definitely, but

if the energy is not there, and you're not reading it properly,

and that's how I teach people to be able to read the energy

because if he's giving you a different cue that he's not

interested in wanting to kiss and you're pushing it, chances

are you might lose him. So there's, there's ways of reading

the behaviour, and then knowing when it's the right timing to

make those advances. But if your heart feels good, I say, go for

it. Trust yourself.

And, and also then, if you're not feeling it,

you got to be honest, and but be polite, right?

Absolutely. Just do it with compassion, because you

know, it's hard for everybody going on dates, everybody's

looking for love. Everybody wants to feel that they belong

and they have somebody a companion that they can go to.

So it's just as hard for the guy as for the girls, so if you're

not into it, honour that be truthful but saying in a loving

way, like find a way to be able to say that to the person and

you know, it's there's nothing personal and and one thing I

want to make sure that people understand rejection is not a

reflection on you. So you know, if it's not working, let it

finish move on to the next don't waste your time.

Great, great advice for a timing. So you I

mean, oh my god. So after the these days, they come back to

you. And you've probably heard crazy first dates. So also

beautiful first dates, right? You get the report? Yeah, check

in with you. Exactly.

That's I love I love these first date. I love when

they're actually going on this first day. They're very nervous

and like how do I dress? Does it look good? And because I have an

eye for that kind of stuff. I think it's a talent to like my

huge talent is to be able to see through people see the potential

see what works. And aesthetically like I'm good at

that and think I think that thanks to mom, like the fashion

side comes from Mum, but I can always pick up on like that

would do you good. There's certain clothing and I always

say is like for for different women of different sides.

There's always a man for the type of body that you have. And

then the type of clothing that you have can actually dress to

accent on those features. So don't don't overthink it. We

overthink too much. Just go and have an amazing time with

another human being Come on.

So okay, so what what tips do you offer? You

know, what are some of the basics that people have to know

entering in and from your coaching?

Yeah, so when you're actually coming into the

coaching with me, what I really want you to know is like, one

Don't be so hard on yourself. Like we're gonna have fun. It's

a journey. See it as a journey as a practice. Like when you're

going on these dates, don't expect to get marry right away.

Put that aside because that pressure it is not helpful at

all. So when you go in with a desperation, men and women can

feel it and it's so unattractive. So you don't want

propel people you want to call them in. So be inviting, be

engaging, put an upbeat personality and really want you

know, get them engaged, asking them question take an interest

in their life because people love to talk about themselves.

So if you're taking an interest in their life, it shows that,

hey, I find you interesting and I want to get to know more about

you who wouldn't want that. And if if you're on this date, like

I really say women have really good good intuition if you're

not feeling it and it something of what he's saying this in sync

with you give him a few chance, like give them a few chance to

get to know because I find one of the thing is people are so

quick to judge. You're like on the first data. Oh, no, he's not

good. But unless he's hitting those red flag, I would say

Yeah, but you know, go on a second date, see how it is, and

then get them people nervous on the first date, they're not

gonna be perfect right away. So get to know them a little bit

more. And you might just realise, hey, you know what, at

first, and that's my story. When I first met my boyfriend, he was

like, the good guy, you know, like, I'm used to dating my ex

husband, who was like six foot two, and then broad shoulder and

muscular. And then I had my boyfriend who was like, too good

at two shoe, like too good. And he was shorter. He was like,

just a few inches taller than me. And that's okay. He did

everything right. He was just so sweet. Such a gentleman, but I

was so used to something else and thinking I wasn't deserving

of this good thing. So I was going to shoot him off on the

first date and not even see him again. And thank God for my

sister, because that night she spoke to me, she's like, What is

it like, I'm giving you a good guy, a nice guy. And you say,

you don't want any more heartbreak, but you keep

choosing the wrong dude. Like, how much of these lessons do you

need to learn? And I was like, Okay, you made your point, I'll

go on a second date with him. And you know what the second

date, I got to know him. We're here three years now. And it's

been amazing. So honestly give people a chance.

I love that you share your own personal

experience, I will tell you that for me. I think that changing up

the geography a little bit is helpful. Because if you meet

out, say at a coffee shop, or you meet at a bar, or you meet

at a party, I that's good. But I my wife and I actually did like

a nature walk along the beach, and then went for breakfast. And

I during that walk, you actually get a lot more dedication a lot

more time. And the nature is there that it's beautiful. And

then you're able to share and get to know each other. So

again, I'm just going off of my long, long term marriage and all

that. No,

I agree with you. 1%. I agree with you 100%. However,

because we did the exact same thing, my first date was so

boring, we went for a walk around my block. And because I

just moved in, so I had a whole bunch of cardboard box in my

backyard, and I needed a guy with a van to load them up and

put them in the Eco centre. So I asked him, could you help me?

And when it allows you to see people in reality, not like in

the Bachelor like when you see everything is perfect, this

beautiful restaurant and you're going on these amazing trip in

Hawaii. No, I got to see him in the realness a dude who's

helping me pack all of my cardboard box shoving into his

van and bringing me to a really boring date of the ego centre.

And yet we had an amazing time. And that's when I realised I can

see myself doing this, like the regular daily live have living

together boring stuff, and still have an amazing time. That's the

kind of guy I want to be around. Like, it really gives you a good

sense of reality. Because you know, when you go on a fantasy,

and then reality hits, you're disappointed. Right?

I think that's I my second date was I was bowling

on behalf of Lisa because she couldn't throw the ball down and

for charity. And so I can totally see that. And it's that

that that brings that values that you spoke up that the

common values. There are people that you just are very different

from and that's okay, but you have to have something that

Bond's you together. I know that all right. So what you This is

really cool, because I'm learning here all the time. What

upcoming projects, what's something, I think you have some

exciting stuff that's going on, tell us about you.

I do and like this is so good, because I'm so so

passionate about this one because it's free. It's a summit

that I'm having at the end of the three day from October 25 to

the 27th called from heartbreak to happily ever after on finding

true love and also building a happy step family. So for all of

you guys who's gone through a heartbreak and want to know how

to get over a heartbreak and learn those who are about to go

on dates, what to do what to avoid, we have so many renowned

authors and speaker with a lot of expertise. I'll be speaking

on that. He gets so much knowledge and information that

is going to really change your life. And then those who are

actually in like a lot of couples are now in blended

family, you're going to be in step family and you want to be

successful in maintaining a second chance at love and how to

have happy children in it. Like definitely check it out. We'll

share that a little bit later. But yes, that's called from

heartbreak to happily ever after.

Yeah, we're gonna when we teach the show, I'm

going to put the links for people to sign up. It's going to

be amazing, but also I know you're working on a book. Can

you

working on my book? Yes, I will. So My book is about

all through my journey of what I've learned through the

heartbreak and everything related to love, but especially

with regards to self love, unconditional self love for

oneself. And then once you have that, it's so much easier to

give it to your partner because you have nothing but love for

yourself. And it's an ongoing process. And so my book is

called CES. Again, this is my sister talking to me CES, you've

got this awaken the badass from within.

Oh, that's cool title. And you'll and you'll

have the hummingbird right? Yes, yeah, that's gonna be great. I

can't wait keep keep working on that. I have to tell you

publishing a book. It's a lot of dedication. But it's so worth it

when you actually get to share yourself and your experience

with others and inspire them. So I wish you well, I hope that

comes out soon, I want to I want to get a copy and share with

everyone as well. Alright, so what we're going to do now is

I'm going to put my sunglasses on, okay, this is called the

shining brightly spotlight on you, I want you to tell the

listeners in the audience out there, how they can get in touch

with you. And then I want you to leave the audience with some

inspiration, after you tell how to get in touch with you.

Absolutely. So Howard, they can actually reach me and

you can go I'm actually because we're on the show of shining

brightly with my handsome Howard Brown. People can actually reach

me, I offer a 30 minute love assessment, if you're like, I'm

not quite sure. And I want clarity with regards to this. I

do this for it. So it's go on h kalindi.com. So HTTP s to call

it two dots, and then the slash to slash kalindi.com/leader for

true love. And so you can book a 30 minutes, and I will

definitely reach me there. Or you can actually find me on

Facebook Ry Duong so and you'll be able to find me there.

There's no problem. And I want to be able to leave people with

this. When you go into loving a lot of time we have scars and

baggage is and then we want to be able to protect yourself. Try

not to do that when you're going to love. Take it one day at a

time and with a person that you're loving on them love them

to the fullest of what you can. Because if they're meant to be

there for two years, three years, 10 years, 20 years, you

want to maximise it so live in the present moment of love

fully.

Love fully and I'll make a heart right now. I

don't make it that well. Oh my god. So alright, just to repeat.

So you can make an appointment for an love assessment which is

amazing@calendly.com leader for true love. And then also your

website is leader for true love to find more information there

about you. So I hope people will reach out to you as well. This

has been really amazing. We need to talk about this people

relationships, we are a people that need to actually feel and

love. And and we didn't get to do that as much during the

pandemic. So one of my last chapters in the book is sharing

hope. And you can share a hug, you can share love, but hopeful,

romantic, hopeful for love. This is what you're teaching. And

that's that's why I had you on the show today. It's such a

great message and thank you. So Howard Brown, of course. Shining

brightly.com is where you find me and you can find the book and

you can find the speaking. And you can also find my this

inspirational podcast and my advocacy for entrepreneurship,

leadership, mentorship and interfaith. So come in Iraq with

us. And again, this has been an amazing show. And what is true

love I think we learned a little bit today. So thank you, Reid.

Thank you very much

so much, Howard for having me. Definitely tune into

Howard. He's a an amazing guy. I'm just so grateful to to met

him to cross his path because you shine that love and you

really give it to people with nothing holding us back. That's

why we you and I both connected. So thank you such an honour to

be here.

Absolutely. And go celebrate the Cambodian

Halloween and we'd meet up with your family and I love the

hummingbird. It's such a beautiful thing in memory of

your sister. So thank you for tuning into the shining brightly

show. Until next time, keep shining brightly. It makes the

world a better place for yourself, for others and for our

communities. keep shining. Thank you