In today's episode I have with me today Jay Nixon of Thrive Fitness Studio. Jay is an author, mentor, coach, speaker, and podcaster. He lost his farther at a very young age leaving him feeling lost and alone. Tune in to discover how he was able to turn his trauma into triumph and his pain into purpose!

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Hi! I am your host Djemilah Birnie of www.becomingthebigme.com . I have been building businesses online since the age of 17. When I discovered the power that we hold within our own minds my world truly began to change.

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Hey, Hey, Hey, welcome to today's episode of The becoming

the big money podcast. It is solopreneurs Saturday and I have

with me today, Jay Nixon. He is an author and author of the

purpose of pain. And he is a transformational coach. He is

helping people completely transformed their lives, giving

them the tools and techniques they need to turn their tragedy

into triumph. Hey, Jay, how are you doing today?

Hey, how you doing? That was beautiful. I can I'm just gonna

carry you around with me and be like, this is me. Well, I

am so excited to share your story here. With everyone I know

that you are living in your purpose helping lift people up

right now. But before we really get into what's going on with

you right now, can you just give me a quick synopsis of what has

brought you to where you are?

Totally I think what has me living in purpose and on purpose

today is like the you know, not to start talking about my book

already. But I had a very traumatic like early childhood.

My father was killed when I was five years old in a car wreck.

And then after that, probably for the next 20 years. Every few

years, I would lose someone really important to me like my

my grandfather, who was my father figure after my dad then

my other kind of mentor father figure and then at when I was

25, my best friend put a shotgun in his mouth and killed pull the

trigger. And so I live for like 20 to 25 years in this like,

chaotic world of like, tragedy, if you will. And I didn't really

know what to do while I was in it. And now that I've kind of

come out of the other side That's kind of like where I feel

like my purpose is like to help people because everybody's going

to go through pain. But they don't have to suffer. You know,

suffering is optional. And I feel like that my job, my

purpose, the reason I'm was put on this earth is to take all of

that stuff, those tragedies, and turn them into triumphant wins

and show other people how they can do the exact same thing,

regardless of what they've gone through.

They can indeed, so when Let's dive back into your childhood a

little bit when you were losing people close to you, when you

were losing your father.

What

was going through your mind? Like what kind of mental state

are you in?

You know what, as a five year old, I think they say that

between the ages of five and seven is when is when kids

really start to remember things. They have like childhood amnesia

before that. But for me, like at five years old, losing my dad,

like I didn't know how to process it, because I had no

reference points, you know what I mean? Like at five, you don't,

you can't say, well, this feels like this, because I've gone

through it before. So I really didn't understand it. And I went

through these bouts of like, just when you don't understand

something, you have to like, put, like, you have to put a

label on it or put an emotion on it, that may not be correct. So

I put fear in the place of understanding. And I became

like, almost like, afraid of things. And through that fear, I

like didn't know how to handle my emotions. And so I would be

very, like, just pent up with like anger and misunderstanding

and those types of things because I didn't know how to

express myself, you know. So that was kind of how it all

started. And then as I progressed, you know, through

those other losses, you know, the same thing I just kept like,

it was like the universe was piling on top of me, and I

didn't know how to get out from under it. Because I never

developed those coping skills as a young child, because my first

remembrance of anything was this, like, crazy tragedy of

like, you know, hey, one day my dad's here, the next minute,

he's not and there's no way to, there's no way to process that

when you're that young.

Yeah, how was how was that, um, like, with you and your mom.

You know, what I did is, um, even though I had my brother six

years older than me, and this sounds crazy to say, and I know

most people might not be able to understand this. But as a five

year old, I almost took on the role of the protector of my

house, I became very protective of my whole family. So I was

terrified that my mother was going to die because at five

years old, you think of what my dad died so easily, then my mom

might not wake up tomorrow. So I had this fear association with

like, being close to my mom, I felt like if I get close to my

mom, and I love her like I'm supposed to, but what if she

dies, then what am I gonna do? Like, I'm gonna be alone

forever. So I had these crazy feelings of like, uncertainty

about like, Am I supposed to love my mom, because if I do,

and everybody I love dies, then she might die. And so there's

this crazy dichotomy of like me trying to be like, the protector

of my mother, but also like, protecting my own emotions and

my own feelings and hard to process and think that a five

year old could think that dynamically, but that's what I

remember of it.

And growing up, you said, when you're you were 25, when you

lost your friend by suicide, how would you say like, your

response to that? Was it different? Or was it similar to

your response when you were five?

Definitely. So I conditioned myself. You know, at one point

when I was about 16 years old, my next door neighbor, who was

my, my kind of my closest father figure, it was Christmas day, I

was over at his house, he had a heart attack, I ended up having

to give him CPR until the ambulance came, and he passed

away on the way to the hospital. So I was so conditioned by by

the time that my that shot killed himself that I had these

walls up of like, I mean, this is just what happens to me, you

know what I mean? Like, after something happens so many times

you You almost become numb to it. So I conditioned myself to

expect death to be around me. So when it happened, yes, you're

sad, but my emotional ability to like, cry or have those like

empathy. You know, I mean, like those feelings that you're

supposed to feel kind of not there because I had like, I felt

like I just I had cried every tear I could possibly cry for

everybody I was ever gonna lose, you know what I mean? And so I

just I almost became numb to the situation.

You kind of like boxed it out. Totally. But yeah. And so from

that point, can you start to walk me through like when the

transition started happening for you,

you know, was pretty soon after, after my friend Chuck killed

himself. I started to just you know, that the years and the

year or two after that, I started to realize that like

the, the ideals I had about life like this limiting belief that

life was scarce and it was supposed to be short. And like

that things were gonna happen to me with such a controlling

mechanism for my life that I had transitioned into other areas as

well. Like I would I would push friends away, like, I wouldn't

allow anybody to get close to me. I didn't want to, I didn't

fully pour myself into like, my work, because I always felt

like, Listen, I could I'm probably not gonna be here very

long. What's the point in like, going all in on a career? What's

the point in going all in on making money? What's the point

in going on and on, like, my spirituality or anything, so I

kind of lived very, you know, day to day for a long time. And

then I just kept started thinking as I got closer towards

30 years old, this is not sustainable. Like, I'm not going

to be able to sustain this from a mental perspective, for very

much longer, because that was breaking down, just like

internally, I never shared that with anyone. But on the inside,

like, I knew that that pattern was going to have to fix itself.

And so what I started doing is I started looking like my own self

help journey, because I didn't know it wasn't like it is today,

where you can go online, and there's a guru for everything.

Back then it was like, What the heck do I do you know what I

mean? So, you know, I was I would read books by Deepak

Chopra, you know, the original, like, dudes that were like

trying to help you through things of this nature. That's

kind of like the way it all started. And then I got deeper

and deeper and deeper into personal development and

seminars and things of that nature. And that's what kind of

really like, opened up my world to this like, I can be do and

have anything that I want mentality.

I love that you said that because for me, it was the same

way, like getting mentors getting involved really heavily

involved into personal development. For me, it actually

came first in a multi level marketing company. They're very

big on, you know, personal development. And that was kind

of my first introduction. But that environment being around

other people growing, I have noticed to be a very common

theme for people in their journey.

I've had a coach for the last 15 years, like I always say, never

trust a coach without a coach. So I am I have multiple coaches,

I'm in multiple mastermind groups, I believe in surrounding

myself with like minded people who have this desire to grow and

evolve. And it doesn't matter what level you want to start at,

like I want to be around people that are just starting out. And

I will also be around people like I believe in the whole plus

minus equals scenario. Like I want all of those in my circle

so that I can help someone who's a minus get up to my level, I

want someone who's an equal so we can spar and like, you know,

really go at it mentally. And then I want those pluses that

I'm chasing because success leaves clues, you know?

Yeah, and you you exactly what you're saying that success

leaves clues. But also, just like being in that energy field

that

helps totally

you uplift. Now, I know that you have dove in a little bit more

into your spiritual side. What was your spiritual life growing

up? Was it present at all?

Did you go to church like,

Yeah, that's a good question. So I wrote I wrote about this in

the book in depth, because it's such a it was such a weird thing

for me, I grew up in, in Texas, I grew up in like the, the

Baptist Church capital of the world, so that you know, there's

more churches, and there are people in the town I grew up

with. And so it was a really weird situation before my father

passed away. I don't remember anything about church. I don't

remember anything about the Bible. I don't remember anything

about any of that. But we lived in like the small town in West

Texas, I was actually out in the country. But as soon as my dad

passed away, the church people and that sounds like a weird

thing to say, the church, people of the town. They all started to

like come in to check on us and things of that nature. And it

was almost like a, this sounds awful. But it's like a

recruiting process. Almost. It's like, oh, come to our church, or

you come to this church, and best intentions, right. But as a

five year old, when I went to church, and I listened to the

message of you know, God will take care of you and blah, blah,

blah. And at five years old, what it just happened to me. I

couldn't put those two things together. I'm like, if this God

is such an amazing God, and He wants me to be happy and take

care of me, I couldn't wrap my mind around, like why he would

take my dad away from me, right? The only the only the only

perspective I could gain from it is I must be a horrible person.

Because bad things happen to bad people. My dad was taken away

from me. So it must have been my fault, right? And so I carried

that with me for a really long time and like organized religion

and go into church. And then when I got to an age where I can

make my own decisions, you know, when mom was no longer making me

get up and go to Sunday school and go to church, I stopped

going to what I would consider to be like organized religion.

And I kind of started my own quest like I want to study

everything, Buddhism I'm Taoism like Hindu, like, I want to know

about everything, so that I can make my own decisions on how I

want to move through the world. On the flip side of that, I give

everybody else that same freedom, like I don't, I don't

care what you believe in as long as you do no harm to someone

else in the, in the the opportunity of your belief. And

so I would say now I consider myself and this is very vague,

but to be more of a spiritual person, like I work with energy

healers, you know, I believe in you know, the chakras and the

meridians and the, you know, I think all we are as human beings

is energy. And I think if you can really tap into that and get

a really great understanding of, of why you're here from a

purposeful nature is to connect with other energy sources and

other energy beings. That doesn't matter what you believe.

I mean, I believe there is a God, I just don't believe in the

same structural zation that the Bible lays it out in write, I

call it the universe, I, you know, I mean, so, but I don't

get caught up in that some people do like, I'm a free

spirit of like, you do you and let's all be happy. And let's

love each other. And at the end of the day, if we come together

like that, like, that's the real win, right? So for me, I went

from my religious, Southern Baptist, come up to the front of

the church, and don't be a senator anymore. It's a now

like, knowing who I am as a spiritual being, and knowing

that my purpose here on life is to make other people's lives

better. And I think as long as I'm walking that path, I can't

really go wrong.

Yeah, so you haven't always been walking on this path, you used

to work in kind of the pharmaceutical kind of health

care world.

How was that? Awful.

So you know, growing up, you know, as a young man, you're

taught, you're supposed to wear a suit, and you're supposed to

have a name tag, and you're supposed to have a title. And I

had a company car, and I had an expense account, and I was

selling pharmaceuticals that I wouldn't take myself, like, I

won't even take an Advil, now. I don't take any pharmaceutical

medications, I don't take anything like that, nor would I

recommend my family or friends. So I went to work conflicted. On

You know, from the outside perspective of I'm going to make

money, I have a really great job, I have a company car, all

the things I talked about, but I'm selling something that's not

congruent with what I really believe in. And I got to a point

where I'm like, this just is not serving me, and I'm not serving

my purpose here on the earth, in doing what it is that I'm doing.

And so it was that, that internal struggle and an

internal battle to know that, like, you can make money doing

anything, you can probably make more, I mean, I make 10 times

more money now, as working for myself and with other people and

doing what I do, than I ever did ever would have, you know,

having a major corporations title behind my name, you know

what I mean? And so, the separation of that was was one

of the biggest transformational moments for me, it allowed me to

start living as my true authentic self, because as long

as I was like, perpetrating that like false belief or that false

j that I'm really not, I was never gonna be able to be my my

true self, to my relationships, my health and fitness, my

spirituality, my anything. I mean, I took that mask off of

like, I have to be this corporate dude, my life got so

much more amazing. You know, it's, it's get astronomically

different.

What was your aha moment that you had to leave?

I just, it was a struggle everyday. So you know, when

you're pharmaceutical rep, you go around from office to office,

and you see sick people day in and day out, and day in and day

out, and you talk to doctors who really don't, I mean, I'm gonna

say this in this, this is gonna come off wrong. It's the only

way I can articulate it. Now. They care about the patient, but

they don't care about the patient, like, I would like them

to care about the patient, if that makes any sense, right. And

I know they don't have the capacity to because they can't

spend eight hours with one patient cuz there's, you know,

75 people waiting in the waiting room. So I get that aspect of

it. But it was just I was I was working in and around things

that were not congruent with how I felt on the inside. And

eventually when that internal battle and internal struggle

gets so deep, and the pivotal moment for me was, I met my

significant other Laurie now who was very entrepreneurial, very

spiritual, just like I am, we share a lot, all the same

ideals. And she basically believed in me before I believed

in myself that I could do what it is that I do. health and

fitness, nutrition, transformational coaching all

that. And, you know, she actually allowed me to give

myself permission, if you will, to really follow that path. And,

you know, drop the corporate structure and do all that kind

of jazz. So I hats off to her and I write about her in both of

my books. I'm a firm believer that we get nowhere in life on

our own. And I have no idea where I'd be if I hadn't met

her.

Yeah, I am. I can relate on a certain level because I left the

corporate world six figure income to do my own business as

well. So, for the people out there who are still in the nine

to five, who are still in, you know, the working environment,

but maybe they have something on their heart that they want to

do, you know, what was kind of your first steps to like, get

out of that to start building your own thing? What would you

recommend?

You know, there's a couple of options, right? Like ever in the

in the world we live in now, like everybody's talking about

the side hustle like, you know, you start your thing. Well, you

got your other thing. For me, that really didn't work. Like I

went all in on my fitness and nutrition business. And that

meant starting with zero clients. That meant starting

with like, a fundamental belief that I could create this and

make this happen. And it worked out amazingly well for me. But I

think if you're going to do that, you've got to go in with

a, an deniable unfathomable uncrackable belief that you are

going to be successful. And you need a good support system, a

good circle of success around you, that's going to give you

that pat on the butt when you need it, because you're going to

need that as an entrepreneur or somebody who's just now starting

out. But I think the most important thing is this. If you

find something that you're unbelievably truly passionate

about, like not just a little bit, not because it's fun, not

because it's cute, not because it's popular on Instagram. But

something that like when you get up in the morning, I'll give you

an example, I get up at 333 15 to 330. Every morning, when I

was in the corporate world, I set my alarm for 30 minutes

before I had to be out the door 630 and I hated getting up. Now

I get up before my alarm even goes off. And I'm so freakin

happy that I can't stand it. And that's how you'll know when you

start doing something that you are so freakin happy to do that

you don't even call it work anymore. That's the thing for

you. Like, that's the thing that's gonna get you to where

you want to go in life. That's the thing that you're gonna be

able to create a life of abundance with?

Yeah, so the bullet let's, let's talk a little bit more about

that self belief. As someone who grew up with a lot of guilt, and

maybe even shame, how did you build that self belief, that

self confidence because I know, that's something that a lot of

us struggle with.

Yeah, for me, I'm all about my rituals and my standards and my

habits. And so I create, um, luckily, luckily for me, I'm a

little bit OCD. So it works in my favor, because I can create

habits and standards and rituals for myself. And when I create

them, I stick to them. So it's like I was talking about getting

up at like, 315 to 330. Every morning, I get up, I go through

a morning routine, like I'm very structured in my, in my craft,

what it is that I do. And I think that's important when

you're first starting out. When you get later down the road. If

you want to be a little more loose with yourself, I think

that's great. But just starting out, you need these controlled

habits so you can know where you're at throughout the day.

And so that you can like, make sure that you're in the right

frame of reference in the right frame of mind when you're doing

all of those things. And so I think the self belief comes with

this too, keeping promises to yourself. So that's where most

people go wrong as they break promises that they make to

themselves. And for some people that broken promises themselves

for so long, that now they don't even believe their own stuff.

You know, they don't even believe when they when they say

they're going to do something like they know, even when they

say it that it's not going to happen. So they just don't do

it.

Yeah.

Can you expand a little bit on your your morning routine for

me?

Because

I'm with you that when you're in alignment, you get excited for

the day. But also, you know, if you're waking up early, I'm

assuming there's some intention setting going on? Can you What's

happening? Absolutely. So

and I'm glad you said that I love that word alignment. I

think that's the key word that if you're in alignment,

everything flows so much better. So 315 to 330, I get up the

first thing I do every morning and Laurie can attest this, as I

say, holy shit, I'm alive. Because I think it's an amazing

thing. Like I think we take that for granted. And then I say

thank you. So and then I go in and I start my journaling

process. So the first thing I do is I start my I do like a

gratitude card every day. So I have these cards that I write to

myself. And the first word on top of every card is thank you

because I'm just, you know, thanking the universe thanking

God for the abundance that I have in my life. And then I

write as many things as I'm thankful for on that particular

card. So I start every single day like that, um, I do an

intention setting for the day. So I set my intention for the

day, what is my day going to look like? What's my goal for

today. Then I go into a little bit of a journaling process

where I talk about the action steps related to that intention

and how I'm going to make that intention come to fruition. And

then I basically get myself ready, head to the gym. I start

seeing clients at my studio between but most of them start

showing up around 430 in the morning, so Just start that

connection process of, you know, working with people and you

know, connecting with other humans, which I think is super

vital.

Yeah, I agree. What can you go to bed? Just curious?

Yeah. So that's the that's the first question. Most people ask

me when I tell them how early I get up, I usually go to sleep.

My goal is to be asleep by nine o'clock. If some night if some

nights if I'm asleep by 830. That's a huge win. Some nights

it might be eight o'clock if I've had like a really, you

know, mentally taxing, you know, stressful week or something of

that nature. So in between eight and nine,

and our How do you like create space for yourself to sleep?

Yeah, to have like that good rest, because I know, in our day

and age with cell phones and social media, sometimes we can

get like caught up in stuff. Can you kind of?

Yeah, so I do, like I do a technology disconnect. Probably

my goal is to be disconnected by about six to 630. So after 630,

I don't look at my phone. I don't answer my phone, my

phone's on silent. Like I don't know, if it rings, I don't know,

if you text me, I don't know, if you email me, I don't know

anything. Um, so that's kind of my way of disconnecting from the

world like that two hours before, at least minimum of two

hours before I'm going to fall asleep. And that really allows

my brain to like, get back to just like normal functioning

without all of them, the likes and messages and blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, and all that stuff that we're also addicted

to. Um, so yeah, I just the technology, disconnect is

imperative for me. And I run my day, and like two shifts. And so

when you get up at 315, by 1130, I mean, I've pretty much worked

an eight hour day, right? So then between 1130, and like, one

o'clock, usually that hour and a half, it's kind of j time, if I

need to take a 15 minute nap, I'll take a 15 minute nap. If I

need to meditate for half an hour, I'll meditate. Like,

that's my time to like reconnect with the world, outside of

social media outside of work outside of everything. And then

from 130 to like I said about 630. That's like the second

shift of my day.

So being a coach, a lot of what we do as coaches is we're

listening to other people's problems and kind of what's

going on in their lives. Can't How are you separating? Like,

you're like, if maybe if you're not in the best mood that day,

how are you creating a barrier between that and your coaching,

this is gonna sound crazy, I am 99% of the time. And so my

favorite, I believe in like state control, I believe in like

controlling your state as the most optimal thing you can do

for your life. And so equanimity is my favorite word. So

equanimity basically means neither too high or too low.

You're basically in flow state with, you know, the universe. So

that's really where I try to keep my state. I'm occasionally

I mean, we're not, nobody's perfect, you're going to be

elevated, or you're going to be down a little bit. But for the

most part, I'm really great at controlling my state. But that's

come with like, 10 years of work at that, you know what I mean?

So now in the stage of my career, I'm really able to

disconnect from outside things aggravating work stuff,

technology, breakdowns, things of that nature. I just know that

at the end of the day, like those things are

inconsequential. And the most important thing for me to do is

to tap into that one on one energy connection, like I talked

about earlier with my client, because that's what they

deserve. And that's really, you know, that's my purpose is to

give them everything they deserve. And it's not really

even about me anymore.

Yeah, and with that state control, I feel like that's

something that also comes with that in our work totally is we,

we see mirrored in our lives, how we feel about ourselves,

totally. I said yesterday to to one of my clients, like they

were going through the scenario, and it's this, it's an analogy

that we've all heard, but we see the world as we are not as it

is. And so if I come if I come into a state in a state of

anger, aggravation, or whatever, that's the energy that you and I

are going to have to fight through to get to whatever it is

that we really need to get to. So it's it's a it's not fair for

me to bring that baggage always say like, you know, I have a

note on the hands of my office that says that I'm responsible

for the energy that I bring into every senate situation or

scenario. And so I truly believe that we are responsible for the

energy that we bring into even this connection we have today

like you and I chatting like we're both responsible to anyone

who's listening to have a beautiful, great connective

energy where we honestly care about what each other have to

say. And I can expand and expound on those things. So

that's where people are going to get the true value.

Now,

where do you suggest someone kind of starts starts, let

because I mean, we've been here we've been doing this work for a

little while. So if we have if you are in this state There's a

bug flying around I'm sorry. If you are in this state of anxiety

or fear, and you're you don't know, even know how to

comprehend this state control that you're talking about?

What's your suggestion?

You know, I think about this all the time, because I always ask

myself, like, what would I do? What would Jay do today? If all

of this was available? You know, back then whenever I started my

journey, I'm in my first thought is like, I've probably been has,

as I would probably have been as overwhelmed as I was

underwhelmed at that stage, right. So back then it was a

struggle to find things. Now, that would almost be like an

excess of information, because everybody's got a system or

everybody's got a theory or everybody's got to something, I

think the most important thing for you to do is to kind of back

into this question. So I believe in broadening your perspective,

trying to see things from a much wider view than you normally

would in these scenarios. That way, you can actually take in

information and figure out what works for you. And I would also

say to someone, like, how do you learn the best, like some people

are audible learners, some people can read a book and

implement strategies really, really easy. Some people can

read a book and not even remember what they read three

pages ago. So I think you first and foremost have to really tap

into you and like what works for you? Do you work? Well, in a in

a group coaching program? You know, or are you more of a one

on one person? These are all questions I would ask myself.

And I would get that answer before I started, like, in the

in my book, I talk about the personal development vortex. So

what I think is happening today is there's such an over influx

of information that everybody is over consuming, and under

utilizing, meaning we're consuming so many things from so

many different people in so many different formats, that at the

end of the day, we don't even know what to do and we're not

doing anything. So I would say minimize, and this sounds crazy

to say from a coach's perspective, minimize your

ingestion of information. And then take that minimization and

implement whatever it is that you ingest, so that you know if

that works for you. So if you listen to it, let's just say you

listen to coach Ted, listen to what Coach Ted has to say,

implement the strategies that coach Ted gives you. And then

give your audit yourself audit the feedback that you want to

give yourself. Did those strategies work for me? If yes,

do more of that? If no, find another way to do it, right?

keep trying and sampling to figure out like what works for

you, because everybody has a different path. And all paths

can lead to the same destination?

Yeah, I want to touch back on just like the overload of

information, because it really can be overwhelming. And you

it's also hard to know, like, Who am I supposed to listen to

like this person saying this, this person saying that and it

just causes more of a confusion and a state of turmoil? And I do

see I mean, as someone who is involved in masterminds and

coaching, I do see this, almost like addiction to information

happening. People are so addicted to being involved in a

mastermind, but they're not actually utilizing the

information,

right? It's almost become kind of cool to be part of a group or

to be in this guy's mastermind, or Oh, I went to this guy's live

event or this lady's blah, blah, blah. I'm really lucky in the

fat in the fact that like, I don't have like, I don't have

human envy. So I don't, I don't look at like a coach's title.

And so I'm You and I, we have two mega dudes that were part of

the program and right and so it'd be really easy for some

people to get caught up in like, Oh my gosh, like, that's not

what it's about. For me, it's about the information

dissemination, like what I can utilize from that. Because I

wouldn't care if it was, I mean, Tony Robbins or whatever, if he

didn't resonate with me, it wouldn't matter. Like I get no

value out of that. And so I think a lot of times what I'd

like to say to people who are looking for a coach is like,

don't put the value on the title or the name of the person

disseminating the information, put the value on the your

ability to utilize the information that you're

ingesting, and I'll be honest with you, a lot of the coaches

me included ever, probably 90% of the people are saying

virtually the same thing. They're just using different

language. They're using different techniques. They're

using different mediums. Some of them cause some of them don't

cuss, some of them are religious, some of them are

spiritual. Some of them are purple, some of them are brown,

some of them are blue, figure out what you like to listen to.

So here's here's what I'll tell you something about me. I know I

have to be entertained and educated at the same time. If

you can't entertain me, you can't educate me just how my

brain works. I like to laugh while I learn. And so I know

that it's important to parrot it for me to have a coach or be

With a coach or in a system, where I can laugh a little bit

while I'm learning, so just learn what learn how you'd like

to learn, and then that will help you find the right coach

for you.

Yeah, that that awareness factor totally. I'm going to go diving

deep figuring out your own self. Now that can be that's a whole

new skirt. Yeah, that's a whole nother thing. Like, that's a

whole nother level. And it is scary. And part of finding who

you are, is creating space to find who you are. So that means,

you know, I actually did an episode on this before on the

magic of creating space, if you want to go back and listen to

that, you guys. But in summary, it's basically you just need to

give yourself that time away from the social media and the

podcast and all of the information I know, sounds weird

that I'm seeing this on a podcast on a person. And as

someone who creates called as a content creator, like you need

to take a step back from that. And part of that just even

backtrack more is like that technology, detox before

bedtime, like Jay was talking about something that I do as

well, that's very important in my life. And you guys, if you

take that step back, like that is the only way that you're

going to actually find yourself. And then from that place, you

can move forward. And you can be like, okay, now I can find the

mentor. And now I can find the places where I can learn from.

I'll give you I think that's amazingly intelligent and vital

information. I would say, don't think about going back and

listen to that episode. Go back and listen to that episode, if

you haven't already, because I think that's crucial. And I'm

going to expand on that a little bit deeper. So for myself, I

know that I have to get away. So I'm such a I love to work I love

I love what I do. It's not even work. I hate to use that. But I

also know that I get extreme clarity when I'm away from it.

So Laurie and I, we go on like these little sabbaticals like

we're going to Sedona this weekend for a birthday, we go to

these little places that when I come back from somewhere, I'm so

much more clear. I'm so having much so much more clarity. And I

agree, I'm a content creator as well. And I want to I want you

guys to hear this. Like, I love social media, and I hate social

media at the same time. And here's the reason I don't like

it is because I think comparison is the thief of joy. And I think

that's where a lot of people find themselves in. I'll tell

you what I put up I posted at least one post on Instagram,

usually every day, and I cannot tell you how many likes I get. I

don't care. That's not why I post it, I don't post it to get

likes, I post it because here's my here's my intention with that

post. I want one person to read that and be like, Thank you, Jay

like that, that is gonna help me today get to a different place

of where I need to be. That's all I care about. I don't care

if I get 5000 likes, who cares? If you get 5000 likes? If nobody

does anything with your content? Who cares? What's the value of

that? So create content, consume content based on value not on

anything else? I don't care who posted it. It could be a dude

with one follower and it may be a pivotal statement. That's

that's just as important as if Tony Robbins post something. And

they said the same thing. It's just as important. Doesn't

matter who the title is behind the guy who posted it. We have

to lose that concept.

get crazy.

I'm sorry, I get a little I get a little bit hyped up?

No, it's okay. Because I'm so with you. Like sometimes people

are like, Oh, I want to hire this coach because they have a

million followers or whatever. And both of us we do have

coaches who are in that space. Yeah, I do have a million

followers. And, but that's not the important part. Like it

doesn't matter what their following is or how many people

are engaging with the content, like it really just, it matters,

the message and how you can relate to it. And that's one

thing that I want to share with you guys as well is no matter

where you are at in your journey, like you can share and

you might not even know that people are watching, you might

not even know that people are being impacted. I can't even

tell you how many people have come to me within the past year

who have been like, I've been following your journey for the

past six years. And I just want to tell you this and I'm like I

never even knew who you were.

Yeah, it happens all the time. Guys, I want she's dead spot on.

Somebody is watching you right now and is waiting and wanting

you to do something that's going to help them get to the next

level of where they want to be.

So based on that, um, what it was we're talking about, like

this, lots of information out there. So tell me about like the

fears about oversaturation,

oversaturation in what context and what do you mean first in

any business I see a lot of these fears coming up from

people even like people asking me questions about like, I want

to do this. But there's like, I'm not your mindset coach,

like, tell me

about that. 100% I think first and foremost, you have to you

have to remove yourself from that comparison analogy. Like I

think we all have unique abilities. And we all have these

unique gifts. I'll give you guys a perfect scenario. So where am

I Fitness Studio is in Palm Desert, California, I can throw

a rock, and I'll be 45 I have no arm anymore, I'm probably gonna

toss it under hand, I can underhand a rock and hit five

fitness studios. But those are people that do the exact same

thing that I do. And I don't say this is out of conceit or

anything of that nature. I believe that I'm the best in

town. I have an amazing clientele. And I never ever

worry about someone going next door. I don't care. It's not I'm

never worry about that. All I worry about is taking care of

the people that I'm supposed to take care of. And that is who

you will get drawn to you. people that aren't supposed to

come to you guess what, they're not coming to you. No matter

where you're at them had a pretty your sign is doesn't

matter how many free things you give them doesn't matter what

your discounts are, they're not coming to you. And if they do,

they'll leave quickly because they're in the wrong place. But

the people who are supposed to be with you will be with you. I

mean, literally the the what I would consider like the

competitor, if you will and I don't consider them that is

literally less than 100 yards, 50 yards away from my front

door. They have great clients. They run by my door sometimes

and I'm like, Hey guys, what's going on? Like I treat them like

they're my own clients, right? They don't come to me and that's

okay. Like they have a home. Everybody's got a home. So, lose

this oversaturation thing. So if you want to be an online coach,

guess what? It's busy. There's people everywhere everybody's a

coach today. But they're not you. They're not read they don't

talk like you they're not going to feel like you they're not

going to connect like you. They're not going to post like

you so just be you don't mimic somebody else's strategies that

somebody else's tactics, somebody else's language. You

don't have to be Gary Vee, you will come off, so inauthentic.

You don't have to be Andy for Sella, if use the F word every

other word out of your mouth. And you're like a tiny little,

you know, guy who's never worked out a day in his life, it's

probably gonna come out inauthentic, you're gonna come

out like Why don't you try to be handy like Andy's this giant

beastly guy, you know, you weigh 117 pounds, it's like, for me,

it wouldn't been rewarding work. Like it just wouldn't come off.

Right? So just be you. Like, if you're authentically you, you

can't lose.

I that was gold. If you are authentically you, you cannot

lose impossible. It's absolutely impossible. So like, throw away

that fear of judgment. Like we've all been through shit.

We've all been through horrible things, everyone, you know,

we've, we need to stop allowing that to hold us back. Because

guess what your neighbor was through something to Jay was

through a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. And guess what, the only

way that we have been able to turn that around and turn our

you know, the purpose of pain, turn our pain into purpose is by

accepting that as part of who we are, and then allowing us to

show up authentically. And just as he said, the right people are

going to come to you like, I mean, I also own a marketing

agency. So obviously, like I'm into like funnels and all of

that stuff. But like that, honestly, doesn't matter. You

don't need any of those things. You can attract the right people

into your life without having any of those things. It's all

just about like that energy that you're putting out there.

Totally

orthodontically you you cannot lose. But we talked about this

before we started the podcast like guys, I do a lot of like

training videos, and I speak I'm a speaker like I get paid to go

stand on stage. I say words sometimes that aren't even

words. Like I make up words that I'll be like to buy and I just

say that, but that's just part of me being me. And guess what?

Nobody's ever like, Oh my gosh, J so stupid. They laugh because

it's like, it's just who I am. It's like it's a part of me. And

they know that Jay is probably going to take two words, combine

them and create his own word. And then he's probably going to

start using it on a regular basis like a weirdo. But people

are drawn to that because they I love weird people. Like if

you're a little bit Goofy, and you're a little bit like outside

of the norm like I'm drawn to you because I'm fascinated by

people like I want to be around you. Like if you're all straight

laced and you like memorize your script, and you've got your bow

ties perfect and your hair's not messed up at all. It's like, you

know, do you have the perfect background? I'm like, well, this

is produced and staged. I'd rather just see you be you. And

I'll follow you all day long because I love I love to watch

people be themselves.

When people can't relate to that they can't relate to this

perfect image, it's like, well, that's so far removed from

anywhere where I am told, it actually takes away from the

message that you're trying to share.

Yeah, I talked about my book like I'm a health and fitness

guy. When I was young, I was so chubby that the thought of like

shirts versus skins, like, that's what guys you have to

play basketball and be like, Okay, you guys be sure to you

guys be skins, the thought of having to be on skins. If I had

to take my shirt off, like I lose my mind. Like, I know what

it's like to be different. I know, it's like to be like an

outlier. I know, it's like to like feel insecure, and not to

be vulnerable and to be terrified. That's okay, still be

terrified. So be vulnerable, nine, that's what gives me the

authentic presence today of like, I'm just gonna be me. And

like, if you liked me, then I want you to like me more, you

know. And if you don't, then I am okay with that, too. Like, we

just don't vibe. And that's cool as well.

You just brought something up that I want to ask about as

well. So one of the things that Jay does is he helps people with

their weight loss, but on like an energetic level as well. So

you're talking about how you used to feel, can you tell me

how you've noticed this holding on to weight has to do with your

energetic state

100%. So I was telling, I was saying earlier, I use health and

fitness to get people into my world so that I can really

honestly truly help them transform into the human that

they want to be they desire and they deserve to be. And I think

weight loss is a side effect of actually healing. And coming to

grips with the struggle or the tragedy or the pain that most

people have inside of them. Most people aren't 300 pounds,

because they just like potato chips, it's just not the way it

is. The potato chip is just a vehicle for comfort, because

they're masking it in some other fashion. And so what I do is I

work on the whole transformational perspective of

the soul and the mind. And I think that it all really starts

in between the two years, our brain is the thing that's really

controlling us. And if we get stuck in these tragedies of

these painful moments of our lives, we will generally like

self destruct and part of self destruction could be eating too

much. Because it's safe. It's the one thing in your life you

feel like you have control of. And so I know it's not as simple

as saying, Hey, don't eat donuts anymore, right? Like that may

work for a little while, but that will eventually break down.

So you really have to work on the psychology behind why it is

that someone is over indulging with food. And so that's really

where I focus. That's really where my my main expertise lies,

is really digging into the reasons why someone is stuck and

not so much how they got stuck with the food issues.

I like that I like that I've

Do you follow Charlie rocket at all.

I do not follow Charlie rocket

I was it just reminded me of his journey, his weight loss journey

he he has been holding on to a lot of weight. And he was

recently in Bali. And the coach that he was working with,

basically told him well, you can change your diet and you can

like do all these things, but he still wasn't losing weight. And,

and she was basically like you're holding on to

the energy.

They're energetic being of being overweight. And that's what you

need to heal first, but it just reminded me of that all

the emotional baggage that people have is much more

destructive than the physical weight that they're carrying.

And until you correct until you get a grasp on that emotional

pain, that emotional baggage, you're never going to long term

heal the physical weight and the physical pain. That's just the

that's just the mask. And once you start to get vulnerable and

get truthful about why you're really in the position you're

in, then that's the only chance you ever have of like healing

from anything.

Yeah, completely. And so this podcast is starting to go. Go

on, we could continue to dive into so many more topics, but

we're gonna reel it back in now. So Jay, if there was one final

thing that you could leave with the audience if they only get

one thing out of this whole episode. lay it out for me now.

I believe this wholeheartedly. I think that the universe or life

always gives you two options and two options only you either get

to evolve or you're going to have to repeat. And so I think

we follow these archetypal patterns of things that happen

in our life. And until we learn the lessons that we're supposed

to learn, we will continue to repeat those lessons. And so I

would look for the evolvement the message or the learning mean

opportunity and everything like I believe that, you know, it's

like Ed says, I think life happens for us and not to us. So

everything you're going through everything you've gone through,

try to find the message within that event within that person

within that place within that time that you can take something

to learn from. and utilize that to evolve past that tragedy past

that adversity past that circumstance. So that you don't

have to continue to repeat that same thing over and over again,

because you will repeat it until you learn from it.

Yes, now you are always creating awesome content. So if people

want to be inspired by you, if your energy and your story

related, where can they find you so they can get inspiration for

sure. The easiest places to be if you're an Instagram person,

it's just Jay Nixon. So j y, and IX o n dot thrive fitness. I'm

on Facebook, just type my name Jay Nixon. And then my website

is thrive forever, fit, calm.

Awesome day. And as always, you guys, I'm gonna put all of those

links in the description in the show notes as well, so you can

easily find Him and follow Him. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I'm today. I'm

so excited of just about our conversation. I want to have

more conversations with you in the future is

super fun.

Awesome.

Sweet. Awesome, man.

That was super fun. Yeah,

that was good. I like that.

Yeah, I think it's just like, it's we talked about earlier,

it's the energy, right? When you've got good energy to

connection together. It's like, you can talk about anything,

like everything really flows and, you know, just easy to, to

go back and forth.

Yeah. And we're, I mean, I feel that our experiences in life

have obviously been extremely different, but also very

similar. For sure. So I think we can we've talked well together I

enjoyed doing that interview. Sometimes I have to kind of like

cook. Yeah.

Oh, like they're all a little bit more who aren't typically

don't do as much speaking like, I've had, I had a couple of

interviews with some older women who are doing a lot of really

powerful work, but they're, you know, not

Yeah.

You know, I think that comes to with like, it's like, the more

you all I do is talk for a living, like I just try to help

people through like, you know, verbal exchanges. And so you

kind of get better at it, the more you do it, and you also

help like I have, I feel like I have an energy connection with

you. I feel like we could talk about anything when we start

talking about like, weird random shit right now. And it would be

awesome. Right? And so I think that helps as well. Like, I feel

like you know, we have the same energy field. So I think that's

always like pretty key as well.

Yeah, yeah, I

completely agree. I, I try to keep, I always schedule like an

hour and a half for the podcast, but I tried to a