⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses dating violence / intimate partner violence.

In today’s Tea Time sesh, Amanda breaks her silence and names a truth she carried for nine years — not to relive the pain, but to finally release it.

This episode marks a turning point in her Dare To Be Iconic journey: choosing freedom over secrecy, ownership over shame, and power over silence.

Amanda spills the tea on her five-step framework for turning pain into power — from owning your story, to creating rules from your wounds, setting boundaries without explaining, and rebuilding self-trust one intentional choice at a time.

No fixing. No rushing. No forgiveness-for-show. Just truth, choice, and the courage to decide what gets to define you moving forward.

If you’ve ever minimized what hurt you, carried emotions that were never yours to hold, or felt like your past had a louder voice than your present — this Tea Time sesh is your permission slip to stop surviving quietly.

🎧 Press play and dare to turn your pain into power.

Connect with Amanda:

Follow Amanda's DTBI Journey!

Submit your order for the Sexy 27 Sale!

Stream the Radiant Reign Era Playlist!

Explore the DTBI shop today!

Discover your iconic signature scent with Oakcha!

Got a question for Amanda or a topic you'd love to hear discussed on a future episode? Submit your question to the "Dare To Be Iconic Hotline" today!

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome to Dare To Be Iconic

02:29 Taking My Power Back: Sharing My Truth about Dating Violence

03:20 Step 1: Owning Your Story (Turning Pain into Power)

08:19 Step 2: Creating a Rule from the Wound

11:46 Step 3: Taking Immediate, Rooted Action

15:28 Step 4: Setting Boundaries Without Explaining

19:36 Step 5: Crafting Your Power Statement

20:36 See you next week!

What's up radiant icons, and welcome back to Dare To

2

Be Iconic, the podcast made for icons

who are daring to be themselves.

3

I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli.

4

Today is probably one of the scariest

episodes I will ever record in my life.

5

Oh, we're already crying.

6

Okay.

7

Um, not only is it vulnerable

and heavy and emotionally driven,

8

but um, it's something that

I keep trying to get perfect.

9

Like I have pressed pause and record so

many times within the last 45 minutes

10

'cause I keep trying to get it right,

but there's no such thing as getting

11

right your story, getting right your

truth, getting right healing out loud.

12

There's no such thing as

getting all of this right.

13

In fact, healing is messy.

14

I need to lean into that as I own my truth

and use my voice and take back my power.

15

And that starts today.

16

I am so scared.

17

I am so scared, but I am so

ready to finally be free.

18

And that feeling of freedom and liberation

is something that I cannot wait to

19

experience because I am so, so tired

20

of letting this like run my life.

21

It's run my life for the last

nine years and it's exhausting.

22

It's so exhausting having this like

secret, having this like big heavy

23

thing being this weight on you.

24

Like honestly, I feel like the

Scarlet Letter and that everyone

25

knows this big ugly truth about me.

26

But the matter, the fact is, is that

if you look at me, you won't know.

27

You won't know the pain that I've

gone through and how hard it's been.

28

I know I'm not the only one that has gone

through this, and I know I'm not alone,

29

even though I do feel alone right now.

30

Um, so today's tea Time sesh,

31

God, my heart is like racing.

32

You guys

33

for today's tea time

sesh, I will be sharing

34

my personal experience with

dating violence, also known

35

as intimate Partner Violence.

36

And today's episode will be heavy.

37

If at any point this Tea Time sesh is

triggering or it's heavy for you, please

38

pause this episode and take care of you.

39

Your mental wellbeing is

more important to me than you

40

finishing out this tea time sesh.

41

Okay?

42

Make that promise with me, radiant icons.

43

So now with my big scary truth out

there, let's dive into how I am

44

turning my pain into power in my

life currently and how you can too.

45

These are the five steps I am actively

doing as I heal out loud from my dating

46

violence relationship and how you can

also take these steps and apply it to

47

any pain that you have experienced in

your life 'cause if there is one thing

48

that I know from all the trauma I have

been served on a hot steaming platter

49

in my life is that your pain does not

define you, but what you do with it does.

50

And we are turning that pain into power.

51

We are turning it into resiliency.

52

We are turning it into strength.

53

So let's get to it.

54

Are you ready?

55

radiant icons because your

tea time sesh is starting now.

56

So the first thing we'll be doing,

radiant icons to turn our pain

57

into power is owning our story.

58

For me personally, healing out loud

by sharing my story on this podcast

59

is one way for me to own my story, to

own my truth, and take my power back.

60

But before I got to this stage where

I can talk about it publicly, right,

61

and be free and liberated in this

choice, in this decision that I

62

have made, I had to journal it out.

63

I had to journal the moment

that hurt me the most.

64

And in my dating violence

relationship, there were a lot

65

of moments that hurt me the most.

66

However, each particular instance

in that violent relationship

67

caused me a multitude of

emotions and feelings.

68

The core ones being

shame and embarrassment.

69

Those two emotions have

been, they have ran my life.

70

They have honestly led the damn charge

of taking control and having me live

71

in fear with this big, heavy weight

on my shoulder that, oh, I'm alone and

72

no one's going to understand right it.

73

It has fed and perpetuated this

false narrative that I have allowed

74

to run my life for almost a decade.

75

So once I journaled it all out, I

had to break up with those beliefs.

76

I had to break up with that

narrative because that was not

77

my narrative, radiant icons.

78

That was the narrative that he

forced upon me when he violated

79

my trust and he caused me pain.

80

He is the one who should feel shameful.

81

He is the one who should feel embarrassed.

82

That is not on me, but I took it

upon myself and made that my story.

83

That's not my story, radiant icons..

84

My story is, is that I have created

and will continue to create a rich,

85

full life where I love myself even

deeper, and I live my most iconic life

86

with no shame and no embarrassment

of the actions that he forced upon

87

me, that is me owning my story.

88

And that is what I encourage

you guys to look at.

89

When you are in this first step

of owning your story and turning

90

your pain into power, look at the

moment that has hurt you the most.

91

Look at the emotions that have

stemmed from that moment, right?

92

And how have you let

that feed your narrative?

93

Then break up with it, break up

with it, and fall in love with the

94

future you are creating for yourself.

95

Because I love myself now, I love

this Amanda, that I have evolved into.

96

And now that I am healing out loud and

owning, owning this part of my story

97

and owning my truth, and taking my

power back from this trauma in my life.

98

It feels so good and it feels

so freeing and liberating.

99

I no longer carry the shame

and embarrassment that I've

100

carried for nine years.

101

I no longer carry it, and I can't wait

to see how me no longer carrying those

102

emotions will feed into this beautiful

future and this beautiful life that I

103

already have and will continue to have

'cause I will not let it define me.

104

I will not, and that's what I

hope for you, radiant icons.

105

Now that we have owned our story

radiant icons, it is time to

106

create a rule from the wound.

107

So for instance, looking back at

my pain into power story that we

108

are diving into today is my dating

violence relationship at 18 years old.

109

So what did I learn from this relationship

in my life that I will never ignore again?

110

There are so many things

that I can say for this step.

111

I have learned so much in therapy.

112

I've honestly learned so much that

at points it gets so noisy that it's

113

the only thing I could think about.

114

You know, I, I don't, I don't know if

that's just maybe a me thing, actually.

115

I know it's not a me thing.

116

I know other survivors of dating violence

experience the same, the same thing.

117

It's called the emergency stage and

remembrance stage of when there's,

118

there's flashbacks and memories

that come back full force, and

119

it's all you can think about and

it's all this noise in your brain.

120

It's like a movie that

doesn't shut off, you know?

121

But for me, it's a nightmare

that just keeps on going.

122

It's, it's this horror movie,

honestly, that just keeps on

123

replaying and replaying in my mind

that I can't think of anything else.

124

And so when I think of creating a rule

from this wound, for me, the biggest

125

one, the biggest, biggest one is going

to be that I do not have to forgive

126

him, but I can come to acceptance.

127

I can come to that acceptance

stage of, yes, this did happen

128

to me, but it does not define me

and I do not have to forgive him.

129

It honestly, logically doesn't make

sense for me on my personal healing

130

journey to forgive someone that has

inflicted so much pain in my life

131

that has caused me so much trauma.

132

It doesn't make sense to me, but for

the longest time, especially because

133

I had this Catholic upbringing is

that we believe in forgiveness.

134

That is, that is one of the main things.

135

I mean, we have reconciliation where

you're forgiven by God, but I can't

136

ever see me forgiving my abuser.

137

It's just something that to me, especially

at this stage in my healing journey.

138

I can't see myself ever forgiving him, and

I don't feel guilty about it right now.

139

But beforehand I did.

140

And I think that's something that I

am slowly breaking that is allowing

141

me to get to that acceptance stage of

accepting that this did happen to me.

142

And yeah, it was horrible and I wish

it never happened, but you know what?

143

It did.

144

But the worst has already happened.

145

The abuse has already happened.

146

The violence has already happened, right?

147

Now the next thing that I can do,

the next best thing that I can do

148

is live my life and come to terms

with acceptance of this trauma.

149

That is my rule.

150

So that's my personal perspective

when it comes to step two and

151

turning your pain into power.

152

I'm actually really intrigued

to see what your rules are.

153

So make sure to DM me or comment below

what your rule is for step number two.

154

Step number three is all about

taking immediate and rooted action.

155

How do you show up for yourself when you

are in the thick of the healing process?

156

As we all know, healing

is a rollercoaster.

157

Healing is messy.

158

It's chaotic, and it's not fun.

159

And when you're in the thick

of it, it gets really, really

160

hard to show up for yourself.

161

But when it comes to step three, you

need to take that immediate and rooted

162

action in choosing yourself and taking

care of you in this healing process.

163

So what is one thing you can do this week

that proves that you are moving forward?

164

You can't allow yourself

to give up, radiant icons.

165

Turning your pain into power

is all about resiliency.

166

You need to show up even when it's hard.

167

So how are you going to

do that for yourself?

168

For me, personally..

169

Oh my God.

170

Thank God I found heels classes when

I did, because it's the one thing that

171

I have blocked out in my schedule.

172

That is that thing for me.

173

That is how I decide to show up for

myself every week, even when it's hard.

174

You guys have no idea.

175

Um, there are classes where I don't

wanna show my face that I don't wanna

176

show up because it's just so hard.

177

It's so hard to show up in the world

when all I think about is this horrible

178

thing that has happened to me, or these

things that have happened to me, or

179

like I'm wearing a scarlet letter on

my chest and everyone knows that I was

180

in this horrible, abusive relationship.

181

Like that is how I have felt for

the last six months of my life

182

that I feel exposed and vulnerable.

183

But you know what?

184

Even when it's hard and even

when I'm like, oh, I really just

185

can't, like nothing shuts off

my brain just keeps on going.

186

I tell myself, okay, I'm gonna dress up.

187

I'm gonna do my makeup.

188

I'm gonna wear my cute outfit.

189

I'm gonna dance my ass off in heels.

190

And that is the only time, sometimes in

a week, that I am allowed to turn off

191

my brain and not think about the dating

violence that I've experienced in my life.

192

If I'm being so for real with

you, that has honestly saved me so

193

many times, then I can even count.

194

Thank God.

195

But that is the one thing that I.

196

I have made the commitment

to to show up for myself.

197

That is me taking immediate

and rooted action.

198

I show up to dance class no

matter what the hell is going on.

199

That's how I show up for myself.

200

So when it comes to examples of what

you can do, radiant icons in the face of

201

adversity is you can book an appointment

with your therapist, you can talk to a

202

hotline like RAINN, You can try something

off of your radiance rain bucket list.

203

I mean, who knows?

204

You may fall in love with it, right?

205

Or you can go on a solo date, you can

journal, you can plan a friendship date.

206

You can make your favorite meal.

207

You can order your favorite sweet treat.

208

You can do anything and everything

that shows yourself love, that

209

pours into your life, into your cup.

210

How do you basically fill up your cup?

211

How do you fill up your cup when

life is really hard and you don't

212

know if you're gonna make it right?

213

You don't know if you're gonna

make it to the other end.

214

And I'm not trying to be dark, but

like that that's the God honest truth.

215

How do you show up when things

are really, really hard?

216

How do you show up for yourself,

carve time out for you and take

217

that intentional, rooted action.

218

I'm not gonna lie to you radiant icons.

219

Step number four has been a step

that has been incredibly challenging

220

for me and is something that I'm

actively, actively practicing.

221

And step four is setting

boundaries without explaining.

222

And we all know radiant icons.

223

I love, I love to, yap.

224

And I love to overshare.

225

And I think that's because at times I feel

like I owe everyone an explanation and

226

one of the biggest things I have learned

in therapy is that I don't owe anyone

227

anything, and you don't either, radiant

icons, you do not owe anyone anything,

228

especially when it comes to your trauma.

229

Your trauma is your story to tell, and

you get to decide who you want to share

230

it with and how much you want to disclose.

231

And when it comes to how much you

want to disclose part radiant icons,

232

that is where I struggle with it.

233

That is where I struggle with

putting it into practice.

234

For instance, I will never most likely

be divulging the details of my dating

235

violence relationship on this podcast

or to the people closest in my life.

236

It is something that my therapist and

I will be going through it together.

237

No one else will be knowing that.

238

That's what I feel comfortable with.

239

And I, I don't owe

anyone that explanation.

240

That is my boundary.

241

They just need to know that I was

in this type of relationship and I

242

am okay and I am working through it.

243

They don't need to know the specifics.

244

And when it came to a couple days

ago, disclosing to my parents

245

for the first time that I was

in this type of relationship.

246

My parents have questions.

247

I mean, who wouldn't your,

your, your daughter, right?

248

Your child is telling you that she

was in a relationship that caused

249

her pain and harm in her life.

250

And she's telling you that she

won't tell you the details, but that

251

something bad has happened to her.

252

I get that as a parent on the other

end, as a loved one on the other end.

253

That's probably really confusing.

254

But on my end, I don't feel ready

and I don't know if I ever will

255

feel ready to divulge or disclose

the details of my dating violence

256

relationship to them or on this podcast.

257

I just don't think I'll ever be there.

258

And that's okay.

259

Right?

260

Because trauma is your story to tell.

261

It's already big enough for me that

I'm saying the words dating violence

262

on this podcast and to my parents,

that's something I never thought

263

in a million years I would ever do.

264

That was actually a firm boundary I had

in my life that they would never know and

265

that no one on this podcast would know.

266

And that's just a secret I will carry

until I die to my grave and well my mind

267

changed and I decided, you know what?

268

This is something I do want to talk about.

269

This is something that I want to be free

from, and for me to be free from it,

270

I need to start healing out loud and

talking about it and disclosing it to

271

people that I love and I trust, and I

wanna have conversations on this podcast

272

that mean something and that add to

conversations that should be happening.

273

and I don't need to divulge the

details of what I've experienced to

274

contribute to the conversation or start

the conversation or to feel closer

275

to my parents by disclosing this.

276

Right?

277

So that's kind of how I

am with step number four.

278

It's hard, it's tricky, but

honestly, you need to practice

279

enforcing it without justification.

280

Boundaries are not punishment, okay?

281

They're standards, and your standards

just are, Hey, I don't wanna tell you

282

the specifics, but this is what happened.

283

That's my pain.

284

And there is so much power in holding

those standards and speaking the

285

truth of the pain that you experience.

286

Step number five, radiant icons.

287

I know this is gonna sound hippie

dippy, but just stay with me, okay?

288

Just stay with me.

289

It's creating a power statement,

and this power statement that

290

you create is something that

you repeat to yourself daily to

291

integrate confidence and self trust.

292

Again, I know I said it sounds hippie

dippy, but I promise you it actually is

293

helpful because when you are in the thick

of it, like we mentioned in step number

294

three, right, of how it's sometimes it's

really hard to show up for yourself when

295

you are in the thick of it, when it's

really messy, when it's really chaotic and

296

the noise just doesn't shut off in your

brain, what do you do to center yourself

297

after you have chosen to take action?

298

What's another thing you can do

to center yourself, build up your

299

confidence and build up your self trust?

300

You repeat your power statement.

301

So my power statement

is, I am untouchable.

302

I am unstoppable, and I

am unapologetically me.

303

All right, radiant icons, that

is your tea time sesh for today.

304

I truly cannot believe we have made

it to the end of this tea time sesh.

305

I did not know if I was gonna make

it to the end, if I'm being so

306

completely honest with you guys.

307

It took me like over an hour of like

pressing and restarting to get through

308

just the intro, because again, like I

mentioned, I wanted to get it right,

309

but there was no such way of getting it

right when it comes to owning your truth.

310

I can't believe I was able to do

that today with you guys by my side.

311

And like say the words like,

I just wanna say thank you.

312

Thank you for building this community

with me where I can have these

313

honest and deep conversations and I

can own my truth and take my power

314

back finally, when it comes to this.

315

And feel so comfortable

healing out loud with you guys.

316

And I, I hope by sharing my truth

of being in an intimate partner

317

violence relationship, also known

as dating violence relationship at

318

18 years old, can help you if you

have experience this in your life.

319

I know the education and the

resources and the conversations

320

are not there when it comes to this

particular topic, and I promise you

321

things will change when it comes to that

if I have a say in it and I do, because

322

I will be using my voice to start these

conversations and provide resources.

323

That's actually a priority for Dare

To Be Iconic this year is to bring

324

awareness to dating violence, and

to provide educational resources,

325

whether it's through partnerships or

events, whatever it may look like.

326

This conversation that we are

just touching the surface on

327

today will keep on happening.

328

We will continue this conversation

because I believe it is an important one.

329

So anyway, I'll chat

with you next week, then.

330

All right, radiant icons.

331

Remember, dare to be iconic.

332

Bye.