In this episode: Stephanie Kaplan blends neuroscience, universal laws, and emotional mastery to help founders upgrade who they are at their core because the biggest breakthroughs in business start from within.

What if every argument, stuck decision, and frustrating relationship was actually a mirror showing you exactly what needs to change internally? Mindset coach Stephanie Kaplan, who works with tech founders on the inner game of leadership, joins Teresa to unpack why every decision you make is emotional (even the ones you swear are logical), how to rewire the limiting beliefs running your life, and the practice of being so internally obsessed with yourself that you become the greatest thing since sliced bread. If you've been doing the outer work and wondering why nothing feels different, this is your episode.

Takeaways:

• The concept of life as a mirror reflects our inner beliefs and emotions, guiding us towards self-discovery.
• Emotions are inherently neutral and require expression; it takes merely ninety seconds to process them effectively.
• Recognizing one's value is vital; we must articulate our worth to ourselves to be perceived positively by others.
• The importance of reframing our narratives: shifting from a mindset of loss to one of gain can transform our experiences and decisions.

Connect with Stephanie:

• Visit Stephanie's website at stephkaplan.com
• Follow Stephanie on Instagram @stephbode
• Subscribe to The Inner Report on Substack at stephaniekaplan.substack.com

Connect with Teresa:

@BecomingObsessedpod on Instagram

@teresaajean on Instagram

Join the Group Chat - subscribe to our weekly email newsletter so you never miss an update.

This episode mentions: mindset coaching, emotional mastery, tech founders, personal development, self-discovery, burnout prevention, inner work, emotional intelligence, leadership development, neuroscience in business, entrepreneurship, self-awareness, life as a mirror, decision-making skills, achieving balance, overcoming limiting beliefs, personal growth strategies, self-compassion, community building, cultivating joy

Mentioned in this episode:

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Foreign.

I am using life at all times as clues of just showing me what I need to do to, like, get the result that I want.

Life is a mirror, so it's just reflecting something you need to see.

Even if I get in an argument with a friend or I miss a workout class, something that causes an emotion or a trigger, I am always looking at, like, what is that showing me?

And so the process of that is just understanding what did it make me feel?

Because, again, our emotions are neutral.

It just wants to be expressed.

It takes 90 seconds to express an emotion.

Emotion.

Express it, feel it, and then you're now dissecting it.

I want you to be so obsessed with yourself that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

You are bringing value just by being in the room.

Welcome to Becoming Obsessed, where curiosity leads you to a life you love.

I'm Teresa Stasmi, and after over a decade of traveling the world, working with small business owners, and creating a couple businesses of my own, I know a thing or two about playing by your own rules.

It's not always easy and.

And it's often messy.

It can be hard, especially if you're doing it alone.

I've seen way too many incredible women shoot for the stars only to burn out along the way.

Or worse, live on default and never chase their dreams.

We're done with all of that.

Together, we're going to challenge what keeps us stuck and figure out what it takes to live a life we truly love.

Today, we are becoming obsessed with doing the inner work, and as our guest today said, the inner journey for success.

I'm so excited to introduce you to Stephanie Kaplan.

She is a mindset coach for technology founders.

You know, being a co founder.

A tech co founder here, I'm very excited for this conversation because she helps them master the inner game of leadership.

She blends neuroscience, universal laws, and emotional mastery to help leaders understand the rules of the game and win by upgrading who is actually, actually playing.

And as a huge competitive gamer myself, when I read your bio, I was like, okay, immediately.

Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on Becoming Obsessed.

Welcome.

Oh, my God.

Thank you for having me.

It's been so great to meet you.

Your energy, everything.

I could totally tell why you have this podcast.

I've listened to a few episodes.

It's incredible.

So I am honored to be here.

Thank you.

Well, I really appreciate it.

And let's dig in with my first question is how did you decide and why did you decide to kind of focus in on tech founders?

So I never set out to Be a mindset coach.

To just be clear, I worked in tech for 12 years and I went through my own spiritual awakening journey that kind of led me to this path.

And so while I was going through my own inner healing work and reprogramming of my mind and just learning more about how our brain and body works, I just was so lit up and continued to learn more and more about it.

So when I started out, I was helping all different types of people.

I wanted to also just prove that this work works not just on me, which of course it works on you.

It can work on anyone.

And I kind of went back to like, more about me, like what makes me unique.

What about me?

Can I create more of a Persona type that looks like me, feels like me, and is in all the areas of expertise that I have?

And it always came back to tech.

I worked in tech forever.

I also struggled with the masculine dynamic of the overdoing over, proving, overworking.

And so the Persona type that I help is someone that I once was.

And the beauty of that is that I think some people make it so polarizing.

Like you can't be in the masculine.

You have to just like slow down and wish and hope and pray.

There's layers that you can bring back into your everyday just from a more healed, balanced place.

And I think that's something that I've really mastered and help the people that I help do that.

You are a founder of a tech company.

You are not able to rest and relax to the degree that maybe someone like I can with the type of business that I have.

So I think it's always kind of understanding what those strengths are that you have and being able to utilize them, but not doing it from a place where you're just trying to prove something or trying to gain something that you think is on the other side.

And so learning how to be more present and.

And we do a lot of tools to just really look at the situation that's at hand for better decision making so that you don't burn out.

Burnout doesn't stem from like working long hours.

There are so many components to burnout.

It's like unhappiness.

It's not seeing yourself, your potential, finding something that lights you up.

So I'm bringing something new to the world of being able to lean into the hard working nature that we have, but not from a place that you know, you lose yourself in the process.

There's so many pieces in there, I'm like furiously taking notes.

But I do think it is also so Timely because a little about me.

I've played in the online and business space, the creator space, for 10 years now.

And I have worked with so many people who are creators, maybe course creators or photography businesses.

And now it is, it's like that business model, like why you get into business.

Yes, you still have to work hard, but there's more space or conversation about creating a business that works for you.

And what you were saying about being a tech founder, it's like it's not the same business model.

And what I've actually realized in the last like four months, I got into business to have more control over my like money, time, balance.

And now building tech, it is the opposite.

You put everything you have into it and you can't possibly work enough or fast enough.

And everything you have is like your money and your time.

And there is not as much of a conversation around building tech that works for your life.

Like, there's nobody talking about that.

And now I found you and I'm like, thank God somebody is talking about that.

Yeah.

And like we all have the same 24 hours.

Like if there's something that we all have the same is the same amount of time that we have each day.

But it's all about mindset and how you view things and things that you compromise and then the meaning that you're assigning to it.

At the end of the day, everything is a story that we tell ourselves.

It's either a story that keeps us stuck and it holds us back and it limits us, or it's a story that like opens up possibility for what's available.

I always say, like the one example of if you go for a walk.

So people have resistance, especially tech founders who have back to back meetings, like 16 meetings in a day.

And it's really hard to find that time to do that.

Typically it's because they don't see the value in it.

Everything's an exchange of value.

We only have 24 hours.

So you're choosing what to do with each hour based on the value exchange that you're gaining from it.

And so we have to also like consciously create a story of what we're gaining from things that are in our best interest.

So for going for a walk, for example, most people resist that because they're like, I need to stay at my computer.

There's so much to do, so little time.

I can be doing all of these things and I'm not gonna take the time to like step away.

But what you're not seeing is what are you gaining actually if you go on the walk, you actually may take an hour away from your meetings.

But what do you get?

You get some clarity, you get more ideas.

You take a minute to like, step away from the problem.

Because a solution always comes faster.

You know, the second that you go to write, it's like, I have nothing to say.

But like, if you just allow yourself to just think about something and then craft it into what you're going to write, it comes and flows way easier.

So I think, like, it's a balance of like, really understanding, like, what's the thing that you're doing and what are you gaining for it instead of like, what am I losing?

Because most people are like, I'm losing time away from my business.

Now my business is going to fail and I'm behind.

And you have this whole story that you're telling yourself that's running in your head.

You're like, absolutely not.

I'm not going to go for the walk.

But if we can shift the story into a story that's working for you, not only is it like a fake story you're telling yourself, but you're actually directing the focus for your articulator activating system in your brain to actually find more proof and evidence of that.

So it's a lot of like, how can we make sure that we're maximizing our time, but also not just putting ourself on the back burner and then telling a story that then becomes to craft our reality more and more.

We're like, already best friends.

Like, I swear the number one phrase I say on becoming obsessed is life.

Is the stories you tell yourself.

One of my guests literally was like, I'm going to get that tattooed.

You say it so much and also it is so true.

And I love that you're saying that.

And I want to dig into when you are working with tech founders, what are some of.

I think you just let us in on one of them.

But what are some of the most common limiting beliefs and kind of compromises that you're helping people reshape?

So it's an interesting question because everybody is very different because our beliefs are going to be based on how we grew up.

Like the stories that were crafted and created, the protection mechanisms that were put in place from ages 0 to 7.

There was the start of the story that we tell ourselves, of the thing that we believe to be true, because it's all we've ever known.

And it's the only way that we've received, like, love, attention, recognition from family, from growing up and so we now believe that that is the only way that that works for us going forward.

And so what I will say is that the common ground across the board, and we can talk about specifics, but like, if you were to just look at what each person is struggling with and why it's so unique, and also why I can work with co founders and like, if I ever worked with married couples, why it would be so easy.

Because what they're saying in that meeting in the session, it's like not true at all.

My whole job is to help them disprove a story that they're telling themselves to craft a new one so it's not relevant to the other person because, like, it's literally not true.

And so it doesn't even matter because we're not accepting the story anyway.

We're saying it and then disproving it.

So the common theme is that life is a mirror of you, okay?

And if you have high ambitions, which anyone who's a tech founder has high ambitions, but anyone who wants more for their life, you know that there is something that you want to create essentially.

Like, you just need to see that you're the one that can do it.

Like, you have to build up your potential to be able to create that essentially.

But what happens is if you look at life as a mirror and life is your co creator, life wants to give you every single thing that you are asking for.

Like it wants you to succeed and have it all.

The problem is that you right now, and the stories you're telling yourself, the old limiting beliefs that you have, the old self identity that you're holding right now and cannot exist in that new reality that you're trying to create.

So your high ambitious goals, you can't be that person to do that.

And so essentially, life, what I'm helping my clients with is dissecting life through your current reality.

So what problems are happening at work?

What decisions are you having a hard time making?

What is the story around?

What's currently going on and who's to blame for it?

This person's not working hard enough.

If this person was this way, if we just raised more money, if we had this.

Everything is a story and you're taking yourself out of the driver's seat.

And so what I want everyone to do is put themselves in the driver's seat.

Because you are the controller of literally everything in your reality.

Everything is just mirroring you.

And so if you don't like what you're seeing, it's to show you that that needs to change so that when you change, you get the thing you want.

And so it really is like a personal dynamic of really understanding what someone is upset or frustrated with.

But if we want to use like someone raising money, that's like a common example.

You look at the external reality to try to make yourself feel better that it's possible.

We look for the external as proof of possibility.

But most people are looking at like, oh, tech founders aren't getting money for this, or this space is not being invested in right now.

If you don't have this, it's not possible if you don't have a co founder.

And yes, those are real stories that like VCs are talking about.

But again, you're the dictator in control of your reality.

Like, if you know what's true in your body, you can create any outcome that you want.

It's just up to you to being able to say yes or no.

Are you desperate and you feel like you can't raise money and so you're going to say yes to anyone?

So what are the negatives to that?

And so we don't weigh options as much as we do.

And most people think they're logical.

Everyone's emotional.

Every decision you make is emotional.

Every decision is based on what you think you're going to gain on the other side or what someone's going to give you or how are you going to feel.

You don't speak up because of what that means about you.

Like, it's all an emotional story and we think we're being logical about it, but.

Or not.

I love that.

And I'm just picturing you standing in front of like a room of tech founders, especially I say men, but women too, who are like, no, I'm very logical.

And you're like, actually, babe, you're not.

You're emotional and it's showing and that's not a bad thing.

But let's just actually own that and.

Recognize that something too is like the word emotional is triggering to people.

And so I also have to upfront, like, explain what that means.

Even just my clients are allowed to voice note me and like text me.

And if there's something urgent in between our sessions, like, I'm there and able to help them.

And so I just had a client who had some like, urgent thing with the person that needed to be fired.

And I was like, before you make any decision, you're still emotional, right?

It was like, I'm not emotional is the first response, even though you are.

And so it's understanding emotional Isn't what we've been taught to think what emotional is.

It's like, oh, my God, you're, like, sensitive and you can't handle your emotions and you're imbalanced.

And all the things that, like, being emotional means.

I picture it a little like sad girl with no confidence, like, crying in the corner.

That's what emotional is.

Because most of us were, like, yelled at if we were crying.

Think of anybody who has a baby.

The first thing they're trying to do is like, like, shut them down from their emotion.

And so we view it in a negative lens.

But emotions are the key to life.

If you don't understand your emotions, you are being run by them.

It is the number one thing.

Emotional mastery is the key to life.

And I think about what makes us human.

We come into this world the way that we know we're alive is if the baby cries, that is signaling.

Emotions are like the key of humanity.

And so we're really just shaming them.

We judge them.

This is a good emotion.

This is a bad emotion.

I don't want to have this when I suppress it and push it down, and that ends up boiling up.

And emotion is energy.

Emotion.

If you don't actually express it, that's all that, like, if you look at the energy of what emotion is, it just wants to be expressed.

That's it.

It's neutral.

If it's anger, it's not bad that you have anger.

You want to just express the anger.

Also, anger is an incredible emotion because how do you make change in the world because you're so freaking angry about something that you want to do something about it?

We think of, like, guilt, mom guilt, for example.

And it's like, if you didn't have guilt, everybody would leave their children.

Guilt is a good emotion, but knowing how to, like, not make it your identity, it's to not allow yourself to not do the things that you want to do because of this guilt.

Guilt.

And so we need to understand that the emotion is neutral.

And then all that being emotional means is that there's a limiting belief in there that needs to be reprogrammed.

That's literally it.

You're telling yourself a story about what this thing is going to mean.

And so you're making a decision based on trying to not have that happen in the way that you think you can.

And so you're being emotional in your decision making without realizing it.

And so it's just first taking a second.

Let's actually bring this to the logical part of the brain.

Let's actually be conscious for a second, not on autopilot, and map it out.

And then you just feel more clarity, you feel more self trust.

You feel better about your decision knowing nothing's perfect.

Every decision is right.

It's all leading you to the end goal.

There's always something you're gaining going back to that, like, value.

You're gaining something no matter what in a decision, whether it's a lesson, what not to do.

So it's all valuable and important.

And I'm curious too what your take is, because as you were talking about emotion to me, it's.

Sometimes it's like, oh, don't base your decisions on emotion.

Or like you said at the end, bring it back to a logical place.

But I definitely, like, grew up as a kid who was like, I'm always fine, like, push it down and keep moving.

And, you know, the last decade of my life I've been like, okay, let's feel emotions.

And now I can actually just cry and let it happen.

And then, like you said, express it.

But what I've also found is the connection more so with emotions almost being that, like, signal or portal to your intuition and to this almost like, sense of knowing where it's like, okay, all logic is telling me that this is the right decision, but my, like, feelings around it and my intuition is pulling me in the decision that seemingly doesn't make sense.

Yeah, so intuition is kind of a third bucket if you'd think it's intuition, it's emotion and logic.

When you're in emotion, the logical part of your brain is off.

So we want to get into logic.

We want to logically think about this before we make a decision, which isn't the way most people think of logic though.

We're breaking it down of like, what is the story?

What is the belief?

It's not just like, oh, if I go A, this happens.

If I go B, this happens.

It's way deeper.

We're like pulling out the story and the components of self within that emotional story to bring logic into it in the same way.

It's like they can raise money and I can't.

You're like, let's just pause for a second.

Does the universe say everyone's allowed to have it and you can't, but it's also, I can bring it back to you don't think you're special and unique, but you think you're so special that you're the one person that can't have it.

So let's fuel that and be like, wait, you are special.

Now let's add on that.

Everything has layer under layer underneath everything that we can pull out and like, create and make a new story around a new belief and component of it.

Intuition.

So a lot of people actually aren't using their intuition when they think they are because emotion is involved.

So a true intuition is what you said.

I do not know why, but I need to do this.

I have no plan.

This makes no sense.

I have no expertise in this.

I am going to go this way.

And it's not emotional because you're just like, it's neutral.

I just need to go this way.

And I don't know why.

And you don't have a plan.

But sometimes what happens is it's actually emotional.

And then people use the word intuition too much.

So big.

I didn't do this thing.

And it was my intuition telling me to.

It's like, no, that was definitely an emotional decision.

But again, it's really trying to know how your ego works.

And the protector that's trying to not change that story because the story is safety.

And so anything that's going to question this, like an ego hates to see me coming because we're going to question every single thing that it's trying to protect because its automatic reaction is to save you.

I think of like a bouncer.

Like if you were billionaire's daughter and you had like a security guard that was following you around, the security guard's first instinct is just going to be protect, protect, protect.

It's not thinking about what's good for her, what's right for her, what she needs.

It's literally just like, I got hired to protect this person and that's my one and only job, and I'm going to live and breathe by that.

That's your ego, and it's literally just trying to keep you safe in whatever feels safe.

And I'm sure same with you.

But with me, like, turmoil, chaos was my familiar.

And so I lived my life so much in chaos.

Even when I worked in tech, I had a very, like, work life.

Balance, flexibility.

I traveled the world, I made my own schedule.

Like, all the things on why I loved sales I brought into, like, my business, but it still was so chaotic.

I was like, always in an argument with some executive trying to push to get certain money that I claimed was mine that someone else didn't say or someone stole my accounts and sales.

It was chaos and it was just unwell internally.

I was not balanced.

I was not emotionally regulated.

And so I thought that was interesting.

When we think about, like, building a life you love.

I loved my life in sales and in tech, but it was so unregulated that when you take a step out, you're like, oh, my God.

Yes.

Maybe I traveled and I had flexibility, but I was still, like, not well internally.

I want to get into that story before we do.

I know somebody is listening and being like, okay, everything Stephanie just said, I need that right now.

So how could somebody get in touch and work with you before we kind of shift gears?

You can go onto my website, which is Steph Kaplan.com and there's an application that you can fill out.

You can also go on my Instagram.

It's at Steph Bodie, which is my maiden name.

You can DM me.

Like, I'm happy to just, like, have a conversation.

There's always one first call to make sure that it's all aligned and that I can help you out.

So either way works for me.

Beautiful.

Now I want to hear about your transition and about you honestly, like, leaving your tech and sales.

Just take me back to that time of your life.

Yeah.

He had a work opportunity out here.

I was able to transfer to our office out here.

And I think that move was the starting point of kind of, like, a different lifestyle.

That kind of all led to my spiritual awakening.

Doing the work on myself, really living, breathing.

How fascinating this is to me and how much it lights me up.

But it was also really scary.

Working in tech sales.

You do really, really well.

I did really well.

I was very, very good at my job.

It afforded me to be able to buy a house.

It afforded me to, like, pay for my own wedding.

It afforded me to, like, so many things.

And at the same time, my husband's actually a tech founder, and he had started his business around the time where I was having my awakening and going through this entire process.

And so stability was something that I held for us in the early stages of, like, starting a tech company.

Luckily, they raised money pretty fast and have raised a ton of money in their company and are doing really well, but you're not taking a big salary as a tech founder.

And so it was a scary thing because my heart was in one place, which made no logical sense.

It was something that I was so passionate about because it changed my whole life.

Left.

I knew what the before and after felt like, and it was just key things like reprogramming my beliefs, being Able to understand and uncover my emotions, Seeing myself as like the greatest gift to life.

You are 1 in 8 billion people.

People sleep on that.

You also are meant to be you.

Another founder that I was working with, who she's trying to raise money and it was like, oh, all these conversations about how someone speaks.

I need to like be better at that.

I was like, no, you need to be you.

You need to be authentically you.

What about you not being so polished works for you.

That works for you because you actually do more research to understand it.

You provide more data.

You go the extra mile.

You're not just trying to sweet talk your way into things and just laying back on the chair.

Like, there is value to everything and everyone is not noticing how unique they are.

They don't get how the intricacies of their brain work is unique.

Like, it is so different the way you take action, the way you have an idea.

Like, we are creating.

Like, you had an idea and you burst it into life.

Even if that was booking your workout class, you had the idea to do that, you booked it and put on your schedule.

Like you created that we are creating at all times.

And so to kind of like bring myself back to the story is once I started to realize all of that, that is what fueled my ability to like be in an uncomfortable period of time.

Which it was.

Not only did every story have to fall apart in like layer one, but then layer two of building a business is its own self discovery journey.

That it is all of my relationship to money and like having to know what it feels like to lose it.

Do you believe you're someone who can gain it at the end of the day?

I've seen these like interviews on TikTok where these guys, you know, they'll find like a billionaire multimillionaire, like, how'd you do it?

And one of them stuck out to me where he asked some question.

If you lost it all, what would you do?

The guy was like, I wouldn't care.

Like, I obviously built this in the first place.

Most people don't feel that they think it was lucky.

They don't see it was them that created it because they don't understand consciously how they did it.

And so if you're consciously creating something, you can do it again.

It was also just a testament to all of my tools that I use.

How am I supposed to help someone in a situation if I haven't been through it myself?

Of when you feel like the world's falling apart and you don't have money, you're trying to build your business and you don't have client like you are in that state.

And so it was the most beautiful thing in.

It was a card.

Yes, of course.

But when I look back, I think of like, that was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

And all of these things just help your relationship.

They help your dynamics with your friends, with your family.

Like, this is what having it all is.

It's the ability to live within the story of what that looks like and being able to have it.

I agree.

It's like it's not a destination, it's just the journey that you're in and that's like where you need to be obsessed.

And I think of it as if I don't love my life today, I'm not going to love it tomorrow, regardless of like what more I get tomorrow or in five years.

But if I focus on appreciating and enjoying what I have, maybe it does need to change a little bit.

Or like, okay, this thing, no matter how hard I try, it's not working anymore.

So with what you were just saying, now that you have a business and you're operating again, like, there's so much growth in having a business, but it's also now on you to say, like, this is what will work for me, this is what won't work for me.

And this is how, you know, businesses can get out of control if we don't actually pay attention and craft them the way we want to.

So how has that part of the journey been on, actually making a business that works for what you want in life?

Yeah, I think it's like an ever growing journey and I think that we think we know what the destination is going to be, but we can't craft that in our mind.

We don't have all the pieces of the puzzle.

So I always say, definitely pick what you think that bigger picture goal is.

I always go like, big picture, five, 10 years, like end goal, like all the things that you want to do and then we're breaking it down.

What is the focus on for this year and how do we build that through each month, each year's action to make that a reality.

But at the end of the day, like your business is a reflection of you.

Why I work mainly with founders is the energy of the businesses associated with the founders.

And so them shifting and changing their energy shifts and change the entire business at hand.

And then it can change things like culture and how you add things in, like reviews and how you work with your leadership team and all of the components that trickle down to make that business what it is.

But for me, myself, it's always, I am using life at all times as clues of just showing me what I need to do to, like, get the result that I want.

Think of it like a mirror.

Life is a mirror.

So it's just life is reflecting something you need to see.

So, like, calling it a reflection or a mirror of your life.

And so, like, even if I get in an argument with a friend or I miss a workout class or something that causes an emotion or a trigger, I am always looking at, like, what is that showing me?

And so the process of that is just understanding, like, what did it make me feel?

Because again, our emotions are neutral.

It just wants to be expressed.

It takes 90 seconds to express an emotion, express it, feel it, and then you're now dissecting it, which is understanding the feeling.

The feeling is access to your subconscious mind.

So that's how you get access to your limiting beliefs.

You don't have to open up your past.

You can literally look at what's right in front of you of just seeing, like, how it's making you feel.

And so, for example, if I feel like people are not recognizing my value or all that I do, let's just say so let's say that comes up in a friendship.

And it's always going to reflect another area of life, which usually, like, anyone that's a business owner, it's probably like your vocational career or financial.

And so it's like, how am I not seeing, seeing all of my value?

How am I not recognizing my value?

And so I think you were talking about this earlier about recognition.

When you sit in the feeling of all that you've done, the reason why that works is because everything starts with you.

So if you don't understand yourself, how do you expect anyone to understand you?

How would you even know that someone understands you when it's looking at you in the face?

Because you don't understand yourself.

So you would never know, oh, yeah, that's it.

Or how when someone gives you a compliment and you're like, no, no, that's because you don't believe it.

You can get the compliments all you want, but it's never going to land.

It's never going to sit in your body.

You're going to still keep having that same feeling and emotion, like everything is just you.

And so I am someone who practices my work.

I have sessions with myself.

I make sure that I am doing this work day in and day out, because it yields Results like it works.

It changes your mind, your energy, how you attract things.

It's just everything is so seamless and magnetic that comes in.

That does not mean I don't deal with challenges.

It's just I know how to move through it faster.

Because nothing is good or bad.

Everything is both.

Everything is neutral.

And it's your job to find the neutrality in it.

And so one thing I like to think about is every single situation, past mistake, experience that has happened, I like to visualize it as like a scale in your head.

And so every situation for you to feel good and neutral and not live in the past and or live in the future, is having all of those moments balanced.

Most people's are imbalanced.

Last week I said this thing and I shouldn't have said that, you know, I made a mistake.

I should have invested in this company.

I didn't invest in this company.

I should have done this and I didn't do that.

And like, this person wronged me.

It's like all of these stories that are coming up anytime you say, like, I can't do something, your brain is going to pull forward all the memories that prove that true.

And then you believe it.

You're like, yeah, that is what it is.

And so it's actually pulling each one out and questioning it.

So the work is tedious.

Like you have homework when you work with me.

Because we have to bring forward everything that's subconscious into the conscious so that you then see it, feel it, root to it, know it.

And that is with every single situation.

Like, if you lost all your money, you are gaining of equal value from what you lost.

Inexperience.

It is equal.

It's the exact same value, but we think that it's not.

And so we stay out of balance a lot in life.

And so anything that's triggering is just showing you you're imbalanced.

And so my job is to help you get balanced in all things, get balanced with your decisions, get balanced with your past.

Because even if you have all these mistakes, you are making future decisions from your past self.

Yeah.

And I think that's so important to remember, but it also helps you almost come back to that neutral feeling about it.

Because I know there's been mistakes that I've made and I'm like, okay, great.

I had no idea how to do that before and now I know a little bit better.

And like you're saying it's like, what is the value of the lesson versus just focusing on the mistake?

What would be like, one, doable takeaway.

If somebody is.

They're leaning in right now and they're like, how do I start doing this more?

How do I actually pay attention more?

What is like a good trick Tip.

Advice.

Yeah.

I'll give like an example in multiple ways of like, how you can do this.

On what like resonates most.

If someone has mistakes, I would make a list of all of the things that you still feel are mistakes that, like, you are imbalanced about.

I wish I didn't do that.

If that didn't happen, I wish it didn't happen.

Something that you feel is out of balance, make a list of what those are first.

Once you put it out of your mind and onto paper, you're now seeing it from a bird's eye view and you're looking at it as you would like.

Giving advice to a friend, it's you easier to give advice for friends.

Which side note?

Tip.

Whatever advice you give to someone, write it down and take it yourself.

Because most people are not actually giving advice for people.

They're giving it for themselves.

But it's the only way for it to come out.

So that's another tip.

But I would write all those mistakes out.

Then I would want you to look at what did you gain from that?

Try to get neutral.

You're only seeing it in the negative.

So basically think of a T chart all of the things that are negative from that thing that happens.

And then I want you to write down everything that was positive.

Get yourself neutral on it.

I also want you to, like, debunk it, like, question it.

Is this actually true?

Have a conversation with the thing you wrote down as if you were with someone else, but you're doing it for yourself.

That's one thing that you can do.

Another thing that you can do is whatever you're desiring from other people, I want you to write down so you can pick one area.

Maybe it's your partner, maybe it's your boss, maybe it's your investor.

What do you wish that they did more of?

So for my boss, I wish that my boss, like, saw my value more.

I wish that my boss didn't micromanage me.

So then what I want you to realize is you can only feel from other people how you're being towards yourself.

It's impossible for someone to make you feel a way you don't already feel.

They are just bringing it to the surface.

You are a match to be their employer because your dynamics work.

You need the lesson that this person gives.

And so you're the perfect Match to be in their orbit, they're showing you something.

So let's just use those two things.

One of them is, like, you want recognition for your value.

That means you are not recognizing your value.

So then what I want you to do is make a list of, like, 50 reasons as to why you're valuable and start clocking it.

We want to emotionally root to it.

And so what that means is, in the same way, if I asked you to tell me why you're not good at something, you would do it so emotional with your whole chest on.

Like, why.

That's true.

You have to be able to do that with the opposite, too.

With the reprogramming.

You need to feel like.

If I asked you why you're valuable, I need you to list 100 reasons why.

Now go again.

Everything I'm telling you to do is internal.

We're never actually voicing this.

You don't, like, call your boss tomorrow and say, these are all the reasons why I'm valuable.

You need to respect me.

No, this is an internal thing because however you feel people are going to mirror you, so you'll start to notice that your boss will subconsciously start valuing you more or you'll feel like they value you more.

These are all internal workings.

The other one is micromanaging.

Where do you micromanage yourself?

Are you like, don't eat that cookie.

Don't go to the gym?

Do you Went for the walk?

You know, you're micromanaging every single thing you do.

It's being mirrored now in that area of life.

It's a interesting way of learning how life works.

We're in a conversation right now, but, like, we're both having our own life experiences that are literally just us experiencing ourself in this situation.

And so when you start to realize that, you realize you're the creator of your life, you realize that you actually can get everything that you want, that you are in the driver's seat and you actually have way more control than you think that you do.

And it's not just like, that's just how life is.

We have to, like, suck it up and be that way.

It's like, no, I'm going to control this, and I'm going to change my reality, and I'm going to do that through myself, not through someone else.

I was like, again, taking notes, going to clip that advice.

I'm like, okay, I need to go make a list of 100 reasons I'm valuable, and I need to say it with my chest.

Every single thing Is valuable.

People love to say, like, if you have adhd, like, it's a bad thing.

ADHD is the best thing that I have.

It makes my brain be able to do a hundred things at once.

I'm able to do this and this and this.

My brain is always, like, clocking things, taking things.

It is incredible.

But it's because I know how valuable my brain is.

I know how valuable I am to it that I can love that.

It's when you don't know who you are that you're letting everybody tell you who you are.

If you've done this before, not good.

Okay, I'm not good.

You're, like, letting the world define you.

You are in charge of that.

Also.

Nobody speaks like you.

Nobody looks like you.

Nobody has your exact story.

So even if you gave someone the advice I gave you, it would be different.

The tool is the tool, but you give the value to the tool.

It's what you provide with it.

It's like, nobody can ever be me.

I could give someone my entire blueprint of my business, and, like, nobody could replicate me.

It's impossible.

Like, literally nobody can be me.

I am the only one that can be that.

And it sounds selfish.

I always say, like, be a narcissist internally.

I want you to be so obsessed with yourself that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

You are bringing value just by being in the room.

If you go get a coffee, I want you to feel that like you're lifting up the entire coffee shop.

Even if you say nothing just by you being there.

That's what, like, inner value feels like.

Why?

Because you smile at anyone that's there.

You lift their day up.

You give compliments.

You make eye contact with people.

That is valuable.

We've lost touch with the innateness of ourselves and how small things are valuable.

That last example, too, of being in the coffee shop, to me, really starts this other conversation.

I was, like, about to enter the last series of questions, but also enters this conversation of community and how just being in the room, we are a part of the community.

And again, it's like if we in this, like, what we've called, like, a pandemic of loneliness and of people being like, okay, how do we get analog?

How do we get into community again?

And it's something I'm exploring a lot right now, even on the podcast.

But even just being in the room smiling, making eye contact, and having your presence is impacting your local, greater community.

I love that you said that, because it, like, I'm like, okay, Full circle here.

That'll roll right into the next episode.

It'll probably be on Community.

Guys, there's so much value to.

Let's just even use Community as an example.

Let's just say you're someone that's trying to get into the wellness place and you live in LA and you want to go to, like, these groups, but you're like, I don't know, what do I offer?

I'm not in the space.

I don't even really know what I'm going to do yet.

And so you're kind of like, nervous about going, who am I going to talk to?

What about me is special?

I don't have anything to, like, say.

They're going to be so much better than me.

No.

What is everyone gaining from you being there?

Number one, you're a body in the room.

You know, with networking events, like, people being there is important.

Different people to talk to.

Also, like, you're curious.

You're someone who's curious.

So you might just make someone, say by asking them questions.

Or you may go around just asking people questions all day and then you get ideas and you're like, oh, wait, everybody said all of these things.

And then you can allow everything to be giving you something when you're not in the place of, oh, no, everyone is looking at me like I'm a nobody.

If you're opening up of like, no, I am just as valuable to be here and what is my unique gifts that I'm doing and how am I elevating the room?

But then also, how am I for Stephanie, gaining something for Stephanie by going, I'm practicing asking questions in like a low stake environment.

I'm putting myself out there.

I'm putting myself around people that I want to be around.

We're just gaining so much more.

And when you're in this pity party story, which everybody does, every single person does, that is the way we're wired.

It's your ability to be able to bring yourself out of it.

It's your job to do that.

Nobody else's job is to do that but you.

And so you then, like, gain so much from everything.

Your walk is valuable, going to the coffee shop is valuable.

And you're like radiating which magnetizes in, so it really ends up being super cool.

It makes me so excited to go do whatever.

I don't know what my weekend plans are, but I'm like, so ready to go show up and do things.

I'm like, let's go.

Just show up and say it with my chest.

I Want to get in to our last couple questions here?

And these are more just where I get a lot of ideas, to be honest.

But when it comes to rest, play, just bringing more joy, cultivating more in your life that is probably outside of work.

What are you obsessed with right now?

I am big on hobbies.

Everybody should have hobbies, a hobby.

You cannot make money from this.

It needs to be just for play and fun.

And right now I am taking piano lessons.

And it's so funny.

I always had this story growing up.

I never did anything musical, so this is my first toe dip into it.

But I always had this story, like, when I have kids, I'll learn the piano.

When my kid learns the piano.

And then you like, what if your kid doesn't want to play piano?

Also your kid is going to be playing piano.

That's going to be your time to do something else.

Is that really what you want to do?

So I, like, woke up one day, I was like, I'm taking piano lessons and I do it strictly for fun.

And it's cool because you realize in other things how you're being.

Because how you do one thing is how you do all things.

So I was like, beating myself up that, like, I didn't do my homework and like, I didn't practice.

And then I was, like, embarrassed to go.

And I'm like, no.

This is also showing me that I am choosing to do this for fun.

It can be fun.

I can never practice and still do this.

And it's great.

I'm doing it for me.

And it just shows you, though, like, where am I also doing that in other areas of my life where I'm really hard on myself and I, like, want to overly do and overly give an overly action.

So I'm big on hobbies and like, doing just things that are fun.

Doing a pottery class here and there.

I'm big on, like, going for walks.

I love going for walks.

But every day you're essentially cultivating joy in your life.

It's your job to find it and you'll feel it when you find it.

Yes.

Love that so much.

Okay, next question is, what, if anything, are you listening to, reading, watching, whether it's, you know, in the business realm, fiction, like, for fun, for business.

What are you currently being entertained by?

Oh, my God, so much.

Another thing about me that, like, is very unique that I used to judge myself for is I don't finish books.

It's kind of crazy.

Like, I'll read like two chapters and I'm like, got everything I needed from that.

That was, like, exactly what I needed to read.

And I think because I'm really in flow and I'm always noodling on something, and I know, like, that life will provide me with the information.

It's just my job to notice it.

And so, like, if I'm like, toying with something and then I, like, intuitively feel like I need to buy this book, and then I buy the book and, like, halfway through, I literally had that question answered through the book.

And it's really funny because I can never tell anyone what I'm reading.

If you were to ask me, like, what is the book about?

It's kind of hard because I feel like I'm reading the content, but it's doing something else in my head where it's like, putting pieces together for something I'm creating.

And so it's hard when people are like, what is the book about?

I have a hard time actually, like, explaining that, which I used to judge myself for of, like, why can't I articulate things?

And again, it's like, no, my brain is doing something incredible that's being useful for something else.

So I probably have, like, 10, 15 books stacked outside.

I read every single morning.

It's the first thing I do.

I make a hot water with lemon, I put salt in it, I sit on the couch and I read.

So I'll read for whatever period of time that, like, I'm interested in, whatever book that I leave, like, stacked.

It's a mix of business books and personal development books.

I'm very much always reading one of those two books.

Everything's kind of intuitive.

Like, I'll feel the need to, like, listen to some podcasts, and again, it, like, answers some question.

For example, I have a client who I'm helping her with multiple things within her business, and she had asked a question in the session.

I want to hear from a founder that, like, embodies this.

That answering the questions.

No joke.

I literally go see on Instagram this TikTok for, like, an Emma Greed podcast with Laney from the founder of say I'm not kidding you.

It was literally word for word answering what she wanted, and I sent her the podcast.

So, like, I'm gaining something from it in a different way.

But, like, I also used it in another way.

So I'm very much as, like, less is more.

But are you implementing it?

We have too much information.

So, like, intuitively look at books and then you pick the book.

Like, follow your intuition.

Learn how to trust yourself.

Also, what are you trying to gain from that book, be a little bit more intentional.

Take notes after.

How are you going to implement the strategy that's there?

Too many people are just reading, consuming, listening, and then doing nothing with it and saying, stuck.

I'd rather you listen to one podcast in a week and, like, pause it every two minutes and take notes and, like, implement something in your life.

Because there's way more value in that than just being like, I read 36 books this year.

It's like, okay, great.

How'd you implement them?

I read 24 books or something.

And during that journey, I was like, okay, great.

I'm just craving.

It's almost like the dopamine hit of being like, oh, here's the quick win.

But you don't actually get that win.

You're just listening to somebody tell you something.

And it again, it's like, you can know everything, but without doing or implementing.

Where are you?

Where did that get you?

Yeah, and it almost even separates and creates more of that comparison to, they're so smart.

They can talk on the podcast.

They're brilliant.

They have it figured out.

I can't.

So actually, it is actually even doing damage for people because they're then feeling less than without realizing it, which is what social media is doing.

Like, they can do it.

I can't.

They have all the followers.

I can't.

I tried for one week and it won't work for me.

And so it's like, however much more you can just get in your own bubble of yourself of loving who you are, knowing who you are, and doing things for you.

Not because, like, you listen to a podcast of some girls, like, morning routine.

It's like, no, the whole point of that is like, I love the morning.

Why do I love the morning?

Why do I dedicate that time to myself?

Don't just do what I'm doing.

Do it because of the reason that I'm doing it.

And then you implement something for the same reason for yourself.

Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on Becoming Obsessed.

I really, honestly feel like that was such.

Even the last, like, seven minutes, there were such a masterclass where I'm like, okay, yes.

Like, look for the parts of yourself that feel unique and almost like, especially if you are seeing it as a negative or seeing it as something that's a fault, like, not finishing your book and instead reframe it for yourself and reframe the story of like, okay, but I got what I needed from it, or I don't have to do my piano homework because this is supposed to be fun.

And that part doesn't fit in my life right now.

And I love just the amount of examples that you gave to because I'm already thinking through, like, okay, where can I start to do that more in my life?

Which also, like, give yourself a pat on the back that you're already doing what I just said, like, you're thinking of, how do I apply this to life?

If more people did that, like, podcasts would be getting, like, praise for changing people's life because you could literally listen to one podcast and change your life and listen to it over and over again.

How do I apply this to myself?

How do I start to see this?

How do I start to know this?

And this is something I realized reading all these self help books.

There is so much good information like, why is nobody doing it?

Why are we all still the same and stuck?

Yes.

So that's what I try to help solve for, which is like, obviously the information's out there getting unstuck.

It's obviously way deeper.

It's our mechanisms, our brain, it's our body.

It's very normal learning how to use it.

And then your whole life can change.

Well, one last time, Stephanie, let people know where they can find you, how they can connect with you and work with you.

Yeah, you can go to my website, step kaplan.com you can apply to work there.

I also have a substack that I post in every week which has, like, loads and loads and loads of information in it.

So go sign up.

It's free.

And then if you want to be a paid subscriber, there is at the end of each substack, I put a how to with tools similar to what I gave you, so you can actually, like, integrate what is written there.

But again, there is so much to allow yourself to start thinking about how you apply these things in your life.

So that is called the Inner Report, and it's Stephanie Kaplan substack.

Com and you're still listening.

So go connect with Stephanie and go find me on Instagram at Teresa A. Jean or at Becoming Obsessed Pod and let us know what you think.

Let me know the little things that you just noticed about yourself after hearing this podcast that you're starting to reframe and send this to a friend.

Because we are on a mission to truly live a life that we love.

And the more people we can help do that, the better.

All right, y', all, let's go get obsessed.

You're still listening.

Which means this episode connected with you, and I want to know how.

Send me a DM on Instagram at Becoming Obsessed Pod.

Then send this episode to a friend.

If you know someone who is building a life that they love or they're feeling a little stuck and might just need a nudge, send this to them.

Then rate and review.

Because it also helps us get the word out.

And as you know, we're on a mission for more people to live a life they truly love.

All right, let's go get upset.

It.