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Most people think trust is built in dramatic moments - a crisis, a test, a big choice. But relationship researcher John Gottman found something different: trust is actually built and broken in the smallest, easiest-to-miss moments. Think of it like a bank account. Every small act of reliability, warmth or honesty is a deposit. Every dismissal or broken promise is a withdrawal, and the balance decides how safe your partner feels with you.

This episode breaks down Gottman's four everyday ways to build trust: showing up reliably, turning towards your partner's small bids for connection, staying transparent about your inner world, and repairing well when things go wrong.

You'll hear how Lena and Rory rebuilt trust after a period of emotional distance, working through all four until Lena could finally say, "I trust him again."

Today's challenge: pick just one of the four and practise it, consciously, today.

Daily Relationship Tips helps couples strengthen relationship communication, rebuild emotional intimacy, restore relationship trust, develop healthy relationship habits, and reconnect before emotional distance becomes permanent.

Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.

Most people think trust is built in big moments.

The crisis, the test, the dramatic choice.

And those moments matter.

But relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, whose work I've followed for decades, found something that changed how I think about trust entirely.

Trust, he discovered, is built and broken in the smallest moments, the ones we barely notice.

And today, I want to give you four practical ways to build it every day.

Hi, I'm Alastair Dues, and this is the daily Relationship Tips podcast where I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected, and in love again, one small habit at a time.

Now, trust in a relationship isn't primarily about faithfulness or honesty in the big, dramatic sense.

It's built quietly, incrementally, through the accumulation of small moments where your partner discovers they can count on you.

And it's eroded the same way, not usually by one catastrophic event, but by hundreds of tiny moments where you weren't quite there.

So in many ways, consistency is the foundation of trust, not perfection, just the reliable, repeated experience of being with someone who shows up.

Now, here's what most people get.

They think trust is a binary.

You have it or you don't.

But Gottman's research and my own experience shows that trust is more like a bank account.

It has deposits and withdrawals.

Every small act of reliability, transparency, and care is a deposit.

Every small breach, evasion, or dismissal is a withdrawal.

And the balance of that account determines how secure your partner feels with you.

So here are four practical ways to build trust in your relationship every day.

The first is reliability.

Be consistent.

Do what you say you'll do.

Show up when you said you would.

Follow through on the small commitments, not just the important ones.

Gottman talks about this as one of the clearest signals of trustworthiness.

Your partner discovers over time that your word means something, that they don't have to hold their breath, wondering whether you'll come through.

The second is turning towards each other.

In fact, Gottman identified what he calls bids for connection.

Small moments when your partner reaches out for your attention, interest or support.

A comment about their day, a question about something they're worried about.

A touch on the arm every time you turn towards those bids.

By responding with interest and warmth rather than ignoring them or brushing them off, you make a deposit in the trust account.

Every time you turn away, you make a withdrawal.

The third is transparency.

Be open about your inner world, your thoughts, your worries, your intentions.

When your partner can see you clearly, they don't have to fill in the gaps with their imagination and imagination, especially in an anxious moment tends to go to the worst place.

And remember, transparency doesn't mean sharing everything.

It means not hiding the things that matter.

Because when your partner feels they truly know you, trust comes naturally.

The fourth is repair.

Trust isn't only built in the smooth stretches.

It's also built in how you handle the rough times.

In fact, every couple has moments of disconnection.

What matters is whether you repair them, whether you go back, acknowledge what happened, apologise properly and reconnect.

Couples who repair consistently build a kind of trust that's actually stronger for having been tested.

I worked with a couple, I'll call them Lena and Rory, who came to me with low trust after a period of emotional distance and several broken commitments.

No infidelity, just a pattern of Rory being unreliable and emotionally unavailable.

We worked through all four of these together.

Rory started showing up when he said he would.

He started responding to Lena's bids for connection.

He.

He began sharing more of what was going on for him internally.

And when he got things wrong, he started repairing properly instead of hoping it would blow over.

Lina told me, eight months later, I trust him again.

I actually trust him.

I've seen these four things transform many relationships and practice together.

They create a bedrock that the relationship can stand on through anything.

So here's your challenge for today.

Pick one of these four.

Reliability turning towards transparency or repair and practice it consciously.

Today, just one.

Because consistently applied, any one of them will start shifting the trust in your relationship.

Now here's why this is important.

Long term trust is what allows a relationship to be fully open, fully intimate, fully safe.

Without it, both partners hold something back.

A guardedness, a self protection that limits how close they can really be.

Build trust consistently and you build a relationship where both of you can be fully freely yourselves.

So choose one of the four trust builders today and practice it turning towards transparency or repair just one consistently applied, it's enough to start.

Now before you go, here's something worth two minutes of your time on the homepage at DailyRelationshipTips.com There's a free quiz that that shows you how close you and your partner really are right now and where your easy wins are hiding.

No guessing, no overwhelm, just a clear picture of where to start.

And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.

Everything you need to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship is waiting for you.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.