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In this episode of the "I Come First" podcast, host Amie Barsky welcomes Master Coach Brandan Padilla to discuss the challenges faced by ambitious mothers. Together, they explore the subtle signs of burnout, the importance of self-regulation, and practical strategies for creating balance amidst busy schedules. 

Having experience as a solo mama, Brandan shares her personal journey of balancing motherhood and time for herself. She offers insights on recognizing and addressing the early cues of stress, and emphasizes that self care is not a luxury but is an essential practice for well-being. 

This episode is packed with actionable advice and inspiring stories aimed at helping mothers prioritize themselves and foster a healthier family dynamic.

What We Explored This Episode

02:09 Self-Care for Busy Moms

06:33 Signs of Dysregulation in Parenting

08:36 Window of Tolerance in Nervous System

10:53 Self-Regulation as a Tool for Self-Care

16:14 Transforming Relationship with Self Care

18:28 Involving Children in Self-Care Practices

24:10 Teaching Children Emotional Expression

29:21 Dealing with Mom Guilt

Memorable Quotes

"It's imperative that we, mamas and women, put ourselves first. If my cup is full, then anything that spills over, that's in the saucer, everyone else can drink from."

"If you are suffering from mama guilt, remember the three A's: awareness, acceptance, and action. Be aware of your feelings, accept them, and then take action to change the situation."

"Enroll your child in your self-care practice. It's going to teach them beautiful practices. You're being a generational code breaker, giving them a better future."

Connect with Brandan

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/beingbrandan/

Connect With Amie

Website: https://amiebarsky.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amie-barsky/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amiebarskycoaching/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmieBarsky?sub_confirmation=1

Download My Free Breathwork Practice

https://www.amiebarsky.com/free-breathwork

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Brandan [0:00 - 0:22]: We mamas just tend to go, go. We have our careers, we have our family, we have all the things that we're doing, all the schedules and all that. And it's kind of just normal for a lot of us mamas to just hold a lot. And I feel like we don't really see the subtle cues until we're like, have already lost it.

Amie Barsky [0:29 - 3:14]: Hello, hello, and welcome to the I come first podcast, where putting yourself first is not selfish, it's self care. And self care is essential. Yes, you heard me right. Here we are flipping the script, and I'm gonna show you how. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and I'm so excited you're here. If you're tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated, this is a sanctuary where I'll share my entire journey as a guide to help you break through your patterns, limiting beliefs and societal pressures to be perfect. These juicy weekly conversations with myself and guest experts will be filled with practical tools, advice, inspiring stories, and unstoppable energy. So if you're ready, then buckle up. It's time to ignite your inner fire and make I come first your new daily mantra. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the I come first podcast. I gotta be honest with you. This episode brings me so much joy to my heart because I've coached so many women from around the world who are mamas and high achievers, and they are tired of feeling like they're running on fumes. They're wondering how to create balance between their kids, their careers, their loved ones, and themselves. So if this sounds familiar, then this episode is your wake up call. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and today I'm here with master coach Brandon Padilla, who's also on a mission to help ambitious mamas and women ride from the clutches of burnout and overwhelm. Today, we are cracking open tangible takeaways from how to catch those sneaky little signs of burnout that you might be missing and how to find time for yourself even when it seems absolutely impossible. On your schedule, we'll explore the game changing impact of why it's so crucial to give yourself and your kids a safe place for emotional outlets and prepare yourself for a massive mental shift that'll have you saying goodbye to that mama guilt and finally swapping it for a sense of ease and grace. This is a refreshing take at putting yourself first, because when mamas win, everybody wins. And before we jump into today's episode, here is a quick and exciting announcement. All right, welcome back to the I come first podcast. Today we have Brandon Padilla. I am so glad that you are here with us today. You're a mama, you are a coach. You are a powerful woman that I've experienced over the past few years. And I'm very, very interested in hearing what you have to share specifically around the mamas who need your support in moving through whatever the heck is coming up for them. So let's do a quick intro and then we'll jump right into some awesome questions.

Brandan [3:14 - 3:44]: Yes. I'm so happy to be here. Such an honor. Amy, I, like you said, we've been in each other's worlds for a few years now, and it's just a beautiful thing to see this podcast come to fruition and everything that you're doing here with it. So, as Amy said, I am a solo mama who helps and supports other mamas that are high achieving, ambitious mamas that are tired of living in frustration, overwhelm, and burnout just bring more ease and grace into their lives.

Amie Barsky [3:44 - 3:55]: I love that. And so you said the word burnout. I love to know what are some of the subtle signs that mamas might often overlook and don't even recognize that they're in burnout.

Brandan [3:55 - 4:20]: Great question. Sometimes I feel like we mamas just tend to go, go. We have our careers, we have our family, we have all the things that we're doing, all the schedules and all that. And it's kind of just normal for a lot of us mamas to just hold a lot. And I feel like we don't really see the subtle cues until we're like, have already lost it.

Amie Barsky [4:20 - 4:27]: So it's not like a little tap on the shoulder, like, hey, pay attention to this. It's more like a two by four that might kind of sweep you off your feet kind of thing.

Brandan [4:27 - 4:52]: I have found that to be true for myself. I don't know if it's just because I'm a heart, you know, a little bit of a more challenging learner. Like, goddess is like, boom, I'll, you know, I'll show you. But I also have found that to be so true with the mamas that I support is they're like, I don't even realize I have gotten there. And usually it comes through in how we speak to our children or our partners, how we interact, usually with those.

Amie Barsky [4:52 - 4:54]: Closest to us for sure.

Brandan [4:54 - 5:05]: So usually it's us losing it over the slightest little thing. You're like, how did I go to that? How did I get get here? You know, when I was just here five minutes ago, wow.

Amie Barsky [5:06 - 5:24]: So, with that being said, it sounds like the nervous system is communicating, right? And so how does a mother's ability to regulate her own nervous system impact her capacity to, one, set healthy boundaries. Two, to communicate effectively with her family, with her kiddos.

Brandan [5:24 - 5:47]: Yeah. Regulating our nervous systems as mamas, and especially as mamas that are carrying and holding so much is key. And I didn't really learn this until, like, two and a half, three years ago. So I was, my daughter's going to be nine at the end of October, and I didn't learn this till about two and a half, three years ago.

Amie Barsky [5:47 - 5:48]: So she.

Brandan [5:48 - 6:14]: We were well into my momma ing journey that I was like, oh. Like, I knew how to co regulate her in a way and help her with her big emotions, but I didn't know how to listen to my body. And so us having a regulated nervous system and learning what the cues are in our own body is extremely important. We're not filling that out onto our families or our children.

Amie Barsky [6:14 - 6:33]: Would you be open to share what some of your personal cues are that let you know, oh, here comes some stuff. Let me go, you know, get a handle and allow myself a space that feels good for me to come back to my center and back to, like, feeling coherent enough to be a mom.

Brandan [6:33 - 7:48]: Yeah. So some of my cues, when I know that I'm not regulated, it is how I'm responding to my daughter. Like, am I kind of just brushing her off? Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm doing three other things, but I'm really not giving her that attention that she needs. Like, really, like, saying, oh, babe. Yeah, oh, great question. And I. And that now I know, like, oh, shoot. I'm not really present to her. I'm present to everything else that's happening. So that's one of the signs that I know that my nervous system is not. Is starting to get out of my window of tolerance, if you will. I'm becoming dysregulated. Is that because then that means I'm doing too much and I need to just slow down and focus on what is in front of me, not all the millions of things that I have going on. So that's one of the cues. And also, if I become just even impatient in the slightest, I see myself, like, kind of snapping. My daughter is a non stop talker, so I also know sometimes I'm like, okay. When I'm like, okay, well, I might even say I'm like, oh, my gosh, you're talking quite a bit. So then I know, okay, I got to go take a pause or do something with her to change what's happening in my body.

Amie Barsky [7:48 - 8:36]: I love this so much. And I want to go back to a couple of things you mentioned. And first I want to say if the listener right now was nodding their head to some of the things that Brandon was saying, so was I. I was like, oh, my gosh, I've totally been in places and spaces where I've reacted versus actually taking that pause and then responding from a heartfelt place. I've just kind of lethe my, you know, body go out of whack, my mind go out of whack and not be in that open hearted, open minded space and just project, you know, our crap, our stuff onto my loved ones, you know, and it is a practice for sure. Now, Brandon, you mentioned this. You mentioned the word window of tolerance. And for those a listener that might not know, understand what that is, can you give a little brief description of what that might look like or what that is for you?

Brandan [8:36 - 9:37]: Yeah. So all of us have an. Have a window of tolerance or how our nervous system, like what, how much our nervous system can hold. And I like to link it to, like, a highway maybe, you know, and we can widen that depending on the work that we are doing with our body and make it bigger and whether we are, if we go out of that window of tolerance, let's say, on the upper side of it, that means usually we're going to react in a more aggressive way. We're in the hyper type of our emotions. If we're below the window of tolerance, that might be where it's called hypo. But what that would be considered as more of our lower vibrational emotions, like your depression, your shame, guilt, might fall in there where you kind of maybe disassociate versus react if you're in the hyper. So when we have a regulated nervous system and we are being more in, we want a larger window or larger highway to play with, if we can, if you will.