Hello there

Today with me Courtney Atkinson

A successful realtor, business coach, father and amazing husband

Courtney has an incredibly empowering story to share

for years he felt he didn't belong anywhere

for years he thought he could never find a real purpose

for so long he was holding on to something that was not meant to be his life

The feeling of losing everything and having everything stripped away from you out of nowhere is not foreign to this warrior here

and it is only in recent years that he can see clearly now why he had to lose everything first to discover himself and his purpose

enjoy this energy boost of an episode :) and make sure to check out his business as excellent coach and motivator for so many out there

https://ca.linkedin.com/in/courtneyatkinson-realtor

http://www.atkinsonteam.ca

@atkinson_realtor

with love

Aurora

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Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter become the strongest most authentic version of yourself.

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Unknown: 00:00:04

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm very excited to

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be sharing this interview with you today. I have Courtney

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Atkinson here with me. He is a realtor, a really big realtor

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here in southern Alberta, and is also a very successful business

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coach, maybe even life coach. He's very active when it comes

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to his health and his fitness. So is his wife too. He has a

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very fit wife. And yeah, I'm very excited to have him on the

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show. Because like every hero, I know that Courtney must have

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gone through some pain, some adversity at some point in his

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life. And we want to know more about you. We want to know how

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you got where you're at today. And yeah, it would help me and

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my listeners a lot to, to hear how you overcame struggle and

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pain in the past.

Unknown: 00:01:18

Yeah, Oh, this is so lovely. What an amazing introduction, I

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hope that I can deliver on just some of the things that you said

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about me that was so kind, thank you. And I want you to know that

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I love what you're doing. And I love this platform for for

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people a chance to speak about their journeys and where they've

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come from, because I think you're right, we've all had some

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special journey and something unique and some trials and

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tribulations that have caused us to be where we're at. And, and

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I'm just blessed that I'm happy with where I'm at. and

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unfortunate to be here with you. So thank you. So, so, tell me,

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what what is there anything specific that you would like to

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know? Or do you want me just to kind of tell you a bit of a

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story what works best for you,

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um, usually tell us a little bit of your story. And I will dig a

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little deeper if it's, it's not enough, but I'm sure that you

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know, the deeper we go the more Yeah, other people can benefit

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and learn from your story, or maybe relate better to your

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story. Yeah,

Unknown: 00:02:27

sure. Well, I'll go back a ways it's funny that we're having

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this conversation cuz I was just doing another podcast last night

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on our 1000 ways to impact children, I think it's called

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with, with Alan freeze, and I kind of let a cat out of the bag

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that I haven't disclosed publicly before that when I was

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12, I had a drug overdose and, and it was kind of like the

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culmination of a lot of bad behavior that I had been

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experiencing at that time. And I think when people say that, you

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know, it's like, all the parents, they must have been

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terrible, you know, this child must have been, you know, I

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don't know, I was just an average kid. You know, like, my

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parents were teachers and I wasn't anything bad. I had like

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the most loving family, you know, wholesome people. nobody

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in my family was into drugs. And, and really, when it came

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down to for me was that, you know, my parents were divorced.

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And my mum had moved to fredericton, New Brunswick,

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where I went to high school, my dad stayed in Chipman, a small

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town where he still lives. And, and I think what what, what

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happened is that I was dividing my time between my parents

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places, I, I started to feel a real sense of disconnect and an

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inability to belong anywhere. And you know, how vulnerable

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that age is, right? You know, at that age, you're, you're just so

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desperate to fit in, it's like, the most important thing, you

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know, and, and so naturally, I was kind of doing a lot of crazy

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things to, I suppose, to be seen, really, to be of, you

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know, to make some impact and to have people care about my, my

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presence and who I was, and when I was up to and so I did a lot

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of stuff that, you know, that I'm not proud of, and I did a

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lot of things that had some pretty negative long term

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effects on my health. I'm still epileptic To this day, as an

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example, as a result of that. And, and so I think that was

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kind of the start of a lot of hard learned lessons for me, but

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I don't want to tell you that it ended there. You know, I think

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that was really just, it was really just the beginning. Like,

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of of me kind of trying things multiple times before, you know,

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I realized that the these would be the wrong path. And so yeah,

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I would say it kind of all started at 12. And then you

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know, managed to squeak into university, I think it was

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really lucky there. And I played football and did reasonably well

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at that. But again, you know, with drugs and things like that

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in university as well and, and that kind of was part of the

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story that ended my university career due to injury and a lot

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of stuff from steroid use at that time, like a lot of young

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athletes do. And again, you know, just to impress people

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that maybe weren't even my friends and to make some impact

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and to belong, and to do all those things that I think young

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people strive so much for, and that would have been in my early

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20s, at that point, so, so again, I had this history of, of

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doing these things that were, you know, certainly unhealthy,

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and certainly not good choices. But that theme of of wanting to

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belong was ever present, you know, for many, many years. The

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interesting thing, I think that happens to young people, and I

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don't know if this is your journey, or the journey of some

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other folks that you've interviewed, but you know, when

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you're, when you're in that mind, setting, so desperate to

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be long, and and you have this feeling of lack, you know, and

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this sense of scarcity and worry about people loving you, it

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causes you to do crazy things, you know, I found myself in a

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relationship that lasted 15 years, or I got married to

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someone who basically told me that I would be marrying them.

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And I have kind of felt like this expectation that I be in

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that relationship, and I just kind of did it because it

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socially seemed like the appropriate thing. It sounds

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crazy to say that I mean, but it is the truth, you know, was just

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a young guy dating someone and, you know, was kind of told that,

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hey, listen, you're going to propose to me or you're going to

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leave me. And at the ripe age of 21, or 22, I thought of, you

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know, losing your girlfriend was just the scariest thing ever,

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especially given how I've described my wiring up to that

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point. And so yeah, we got married, and, and naturally,

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these types of things don't last the right. And, you know, so

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there's a lot going on in that time I ended up and, frankly,

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wasn't really, me again, you know, my first wife was in

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university administration. So I kind of tagged along for a

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career in university administration, and kind of did

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that, despite it not really being for me, and having no

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skills in that area. And even built a career on it. You know,

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which seems mad to me, but now looking back, but I just stuck

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with it, you know, so this 15 year relationship, and then six

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or seven years in that career at the University of Lethbridge,

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only to find out that I, you know, I really wasn't happy.

Unknown: 00:07:16

Yeah, and I don't want to say that I woke up one day and

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realized that I wasn't happy, but there was kind of like a

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critical event, I had a boss came into my office and share

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any more than that. But somebody came into my office one day and

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said, Hey, Courtney, like, you know, your, your work is

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substandard, you know, and we think that we're gonna have to

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let you go. And my heart broke, like, this person was a very big

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man, okay, I'm not a small person, but he significantly

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bigger than me, and I just immediately broke down. So you

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can imagine how embarrassing that was right? Like, sitting

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here crying while this like super dominant figure standing

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above me threatening, you know, my future, right? As far as I

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could tell. And that really scared me. So I went home, and I

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decided that I was going to quit that job. Most simple was that I

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just knew that something that had shattered me, like, so much

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shouldn't be a part of my life, you know, like, I just shouldn't

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allow things like this to happen to me anymore. And so I did some

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soul searching, and I did some thinking and decided on what I

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was going to do. And I had a couple plans. One of them was

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real estate, you know, I just happened to know some people

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that were in real estate and, and I happened to interview them

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and ended up seeming to me, like these people were pretty happy

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with their lives. And I didn't think there's anything special

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about them that I couldn't do you know, the work isn't rocket

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science, like, selling a house itself, you know, building a

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business is hard, but selling a house isn't too bad. And so I

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thought, Okay, I'm going to do that, you know, and I'd rather

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make less money, you know, selling houses, then be in an

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environment where I have bullies, and this threat of

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loss, you know, like my entire life flashing before my eyes,

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like I had that one day, April 20 2007. And so, yeah, I decided

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to do it, and it ended up being okay, you know, that was, like a

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fast tracking. But I mean, that was a very scary time,

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obviously, like leaving a career like that was making big money.

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And I had no prospects of how much money I would make in real

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estate, but I just knew that, hey, listen, sometimes you got

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to follow your heart and, and try something. And it was only I

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was still in my early 30s. You know, I was like, 3433. And I

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gave it a whirl. And some really beautiful things started

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happening for me. It was around that time that I realized that I

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was in a relationship that I didn't want to be in. And so I

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made the really tough decision that I was going to leave that

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relationship. And, and, of course, naturally, that was

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pretty tough. But you know, when you start kind of reevaluating

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major components of your life, like a career, the unfortunate

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reality is that you can begin reevaluating these other major

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components of your life like your primary relationships. And

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then as that began to unwind, and so did a lot of these

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friendships that I had built around On this kind of false

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persona of being like the university administrator guy,

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which really weren't me, and, and so naturally, a lot of those

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relationships, those personal relationships began unfolding as

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well. And there's a lot of grief during that time, I don't want

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to tell you that that was a picnic that that was a three

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year hell right for me because I was working hard in my real

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estate business, but I was simultaneously unwinding a

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primary relationship. And I was simultaneously unwinding these

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friendships that hadn't been based on the truest version of

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me, right. And then trying to define what this next version of

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Courtney was going to look like. And I was scared shitless and

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there were a lot of days where I didn't want to get out of bed.

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And, you know, there's, you know, a lot of times where I

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drank a few too many beer and wasn't, you know, wasn't doing

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the best work. But the fact is, I got through it. And as a

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result of that, in person, and, and my wife, Melanie, who is now

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in the company with me, we work together with the Atkinson team

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at XP Realty. And, and so it just, it's been a beautiful

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journey of like self discovery, and finding people that love me,

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for me and allowing me just to be this version of myself that

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so hopefully, it will, that I'm at peace with that doesn't

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require some sort of mask to be worn. And doesn't, doesn't

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require me to fake it, you know. And the interesting thing, I

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think that, that a lot of men experience, and I'm sure that

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this isn't, you know, something that only men experienced, but I

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know that there was a lot of pressure growing up to be super

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masculine, you know, you know, to kind of like, show up a

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certain way, and to be a certain way to see and do certain

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things. And, and through this journey, I think if there's been

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anything that I've learned, it's, it's that, like, we're all

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perfect in our own way, and one of the greatest challenges that

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we might face, but also, I would say one of the greatest gifts

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that we can give the world is just to show up whole and good

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at peace and flow in the way that we were built to be, you

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know. And so, I mean, well, I appreciate your compliments

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around their success.

Unknown: 00:12:09

The fact of the matter is, is I think it's really does come

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because I've just let go of a lot of what people expect, you

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know, like, I don't focus on who somebody wants me to be or what

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I might be for somebody else, I really just try to be the best

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guy that I can be and try to support the people in my

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business, the best that I can try to support my wife and kids

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the best that I can, without pretending to be something that

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I'm not like, I'm just really sensitive, I cry super easily,

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like, these seemingly intentional pauses that I'm

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using right now. Or like me, just taking a breath so that I

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don't break down weeping, like I'm just wired that way. And so,

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you know, you spend 20 years of your life, pretending to be this

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person that you're not and that unwinding, that takes a lot of

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energy. But once you do, there's real power in that and you start

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to see, like, the universe unfold for you in ways that it

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never did before. And you ask yourself, like, why do we put

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people through that, you know, why do we expect folks to wear

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these masks? And, and why can't we give permission to just men

Unknown: 00:13:18

people in general, I think, what take somebody who's

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transgendered, you know, like, my, my plight would be

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significantly less traumatic than a transgender person, why

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can't we just give permission to these people just to be you

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know, and to accept them only the way that they are? And and I

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would say like, watch them flourish right? In a way that

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they might not have otherwise given some social you know,

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confines or expectations and it's been a really powerful

Unknown: 00:13:47

change for me and that's kind of my hope for people and the way

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that we built this organization is really focusing primarily on

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having like a no asshole policy. See, and having no bullying

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policy and having like a no excuses policy to like, and I

Unknown: 00:14:04

don't mean in the kind of way that a lot of organizations have

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like a written policy around the bullying like we're just gonna

Unknown: 00:14:08

say fuck you. Today's your last day goodbye. Like we're not

Unknown: 00:14:11

going to have meetings about it and consultations and coaching

Unknown: 00:14:14

and all this shit. Like, if you're an asshole like there's

Unknown: 00:14:16

the door. It was nice knowing you but not anymore kind of

Unknown: 00:14:20

thing. So yeah, I don't know if that kind of explains a bit of

Unknown: 00:14:23

my journey and how I got here, but i think that's that's kind

Unknown: 00:14:28

of a condensed version at least.

Unknown: 00:14:30

Yes. Yeah. No, that's that was so beautiful that you invited us

Unknown: 00:14:35

all in and I can see how Yeah, for kids who go through their

Unknown: 00:14:40

parents divorce. It's always very Yeah, it shakes your

Unknown: 00:14:44

foundation it shakes. What you thought reality was you It

Unknown: 00:14:50

shapes what you thought love was and you are kind of lost and for

Unknown: 00:14:55

for every person is very different. And the reason I

Unknown: 00:14:59

invite You're onto my show is because I pick guys

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intentionally where I think they're very hard driven. And

Unknown: 00:15:10

through being very in tune with themselves, they became

Unknown: 00:15:16

successful. So you became successful with what you're

Unknown: 00:15:19

doing right now. Because people can sense your, our, our

Unknown: 00:15:24

authenticity, I have difficulties with that word. And

Unknown: 00:15:29

especially when it comes to real estate, I only met a couple

Unknown: 00:15:33

realtors. But there was always that weird vibe of, they want to

Unknown: 00:15:38

make money off of me. And it is a difficult decision for me to

Unknown: 00:15:43

take. And if there is a person I can fully trust, and I know he

Unknown: 00:15:49

has my back, he has best intentions, then, of course, I'm

Unknown: 00:15:54

going to trust you and give you my money and be happy with the

Unknown: 00:15:58

choice we make together. And the other thing I wanted to add is

Unknown: 00:16:03

that, like, isn't it so crazy how back then you thought

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everything was falling apart? When when your job like when you

Unknown: 00:16:13

got fired? You thought no, look, now life is ending. Now

Unknown: 00:16:17

everything I'm trying to hold together as being taken away

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from me. And now looking back, you can see know that the

Unknown: 00:16:25

universe was actually untangling me, and liberating me from the

Unknown: 00:16:32

lie was trying to live. And you only see it afterwards. And this

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is why this episode is so empathy precious, because we

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want to give people who hope who are in this mess right now. And

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that they trust that sometimes to lose something means that

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you're gonna win really big in the future, but you have to let

Unknown: 00:16:57

go of your attachments to something that is not really

Unknown: 00:17:01

yours anymore. And yeah, incredible.

Unknown: 00:17:09

I love that analogy of, of hanging on to these things,

Unknown: 00:17:13

because I think the the human flight is to, you know, to work

Unknown: 00:17:17

really hard. And to accomplish this thing that we've

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envisioned, you know, our entire lives. And for a lot of people

Unknown: 00:17:24

that's like a retirement or a job title or, you know, some

Unknown: 00:17:28

sort of thing, right, and, and I think one of the things that I

Unknown: 00:17:32

have learned my journey is that, you know, we really just don't

Unknown: 00:17:36

know what it's meant to look like. And we have to be at peace

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with with the journey. And it sounds so cliche, but the truth

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is, is that we only have these moments, like how precious is

Unknown: 00:17:45

this moment that you and I have together today as an example.

Unknown: 00:17:48

But also, I'll reflect back on this time last year, and I'll

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just tell you, in absolute transparency, so, you know,

Unknown: 00:17:56

COVID came around and whatever, March 15, of 2020. And by the

Unknown: 00:18:02

time, you know, April or May had rolled around, you know, I was

Unknown: 00:18:06

absolutely 100% without any shadow of a doubt convinced that

Unknown: 00:18:12

in some fairly short period of time, I would be without a

Unknown: 00:18:15

business and any savings, okay. And so I've worked really hard,

Unknown: 00:18:20

we've worked really hard over the last 13 years to, you know,

Unknown: 00:18:22

to put some money away and to build this business and to do

Unknown: 00:18:25

some things that would set us up for our retirement. And I came

Unknown: 00:18:28

completely to grips with that all completely disappearing so

Unknown: 00:18:31

much so that, you know, I was prepared to buy a used $5,000

Unknown: 00:18:36

car and simply just begin over again. And while that was

Unknown: 00:18:41

really, really scary in the beginning, the place that I got

Unknown: 00:18:45

to that really, I think helped me see things differently. And

Unknown: 00:18:49

why this past year for me has been such a blessing was that it

Unknown: 00:18:53

allowed me to detach from a lot of these outcomes, it was a

Unknown: 00:18:55

really good refresher, you know that, hey, listen, like, All

Unknown: 00:18:58

that matters is this moment that I'm in and what my thought about

Unknown: 00:19:02

this moment is because you know, the pain that we experience

Unknown: 00:19:06

around loss, it's just a thought that we have around something

Unknown: 00:19:09

that may or may not happen, and we don't have a lot of control

Unknown: 00:19:12

over it. And it's the thought that causes so much pain, right?

Unknown: 00:19:17

If we can let go of the thought and focus on beauty that's

Unknown: 00:19:20

present, we're good. Like there's really nothing to worry

Unknown: 00:19:23

about. At the end of the day. We're in a first world country,

Unknown: 00:19:27

and not the kind of person who's going to have to worry about

Unknown: 00:19:29

food or shelter, okay, My children are not going to starve

Unknown: 00:19:31

to death. We're not all of a sudden not going to have running

Unknown: 00:19:34

water, like we will figure that out. Okay. So fundamentally, if

Unknown: 00:19:38

my children are happy, my health is good. My wife is happy and,

Unknown: 00:19:41

and I have a good opinion of these things. Really, what more

Unknown: 00:19:45

do I need, you know, thankfully, none of those things happened.

Unknown: 00:19:49

But it was a beautiful time because I got completely at

Unknown: 00:19:51

peace with that, you know, and just detaching from from that

Unknown: 00:19:55

outcome, these goals, these objectives that I had been

Unknown: 00:19:57

building up, you know, over the years, and so I was humbled and

Unknown: 00:20:00

I was appreciative for that journey.

Unknown: 00:20:04

Wow, that's so powerful to share. And I know a lot of

Unknown: 00:20:09

people are still very scared about that uncertainty, but it

Unknown: 00:20:14

is really a mind, that makes up the worst scenarios that you can

Unknown: 00:20:20

imagine at times, in order to get wanting to protect us, but

Unknown: 00:20:25

doesn't really serve you to live in that fear and to believe that

Unknown: 00:20:30

everything is going to be so painful. And then I also wanted

Unknown: 00:20:34

to add to the belonging and and that struggle that you had, when

Unknown: 00:20:42

you were little, or, or maybe in your teen years, I feel a lot of

Unknown: 00:20:47

times when we're trying so hard to belong, people can feel that

Unknown: 00:20:52

and they will reject you, and they will add more to that pain.

Unknown: 00:20:57

And you experienced, maybe only after losing that job that you

Unknown: 00:21:03

have to give yourself that permission. First, you have to

Unknown: 00:21:07

know first that you are so endlessly worthy. And then love

Unknown: 00:21:12

will come and things will come to you. And now my question.

Unknown: 00:21:16

Next question would be how did you meet your wife? How was

Unknown: 00:21:21

that? How did that go about? Like, how did you know? This?

Unknown: 00:21:25

Is? This is true, this is good for me. And I'm worthy of that

Unknown: 00:21:30

love. And I'm ready for that love? How was that

Unknown: 00:21:35

journey for you?

Unknown: 00:21:37

That's a beautiful question. You know, I don't think it was an

Unknown: 00:21:42

especially unusual circumstance. But the interesting thing was

Unknown: 00:21:46

that while I was at the university, I was in faculty

Unknown: 00:21:49

recruitment. And so my job was to recruit a lot of different

Unknown: 00:21:52

faculty members, to Canada, to Alberta from different places.

Unknown: 00:21:57

And so, you know, I think during my time there, we brought in

Unknown: 00:22:01

something like 40, or 50 different faculty members, and

Unknown: 00:22:04

naturally, they brought sometimes children, sometimes

Unknown: 00:22:06

partners with them to take these jobs. And so it wasn't a boat,

Unknown: 00:22:12

maybe 2004 Live, we had brought in a really renowned

Unknown: 00:22:19

kinesiologist to Lethbridge. And he came in worked in the same

Unknown: 00:22:25

department that my now ex wife was in, and we all became

Unknown: 00:22:29

friends, you know, US couples, you know, myself and my first

Unknown: 00:22:33

wife, and those two, amongst many other people that were kind

Unknown: 00:22:36

of in that cohort of folks that had joined the university around

Unknown: 00:22:39

the same time. So, you know, a group of friends say 12, or 18,

Unknown: 00:22:43

people deep, that was always hanging out. And this was kind

Unknown: 00:22:45

of in our 20s, right. And so around, you know, say my early

Unknown: 00:22:50

30s, my first marriage, you know, was, was kind of

Unknown: 00:22:53

dissolving. And I was out on my own in real estate, and making a

Unknown: 00:22:59

goal kind of starting my company, and it wasn't long

Unknown: 00:23:01

after that, one of my dear friends was also leaving her

Unknown: 00:23:05

relationship. And maybe like a year later, it might have been

Unknown: 00:23:09

two years later. And we had always been the best friends.

Unknown: 00:23:12

You know, anytime we've gotten together at parties, we would

Unknown: 00:23:14

always be like the last two standing, you know, I was

Unknown: 00:23:17

telling stories and just kind of hanging out. And we also had a

Unknown: 00:23:19

really good friend. And, and lots of laughs and lots of fun.

Unknown: 00:23:24

And then now we were kind of simultaneously experiencing this

Unknown: 00:23:28

pain of unwinding relationships, me and my kind of second year of

Unknown: 00:23:32

doing that, and her kind of at the beginning of that, I

Unknown: 00:23:34

suppose. And so naturally, you know, at the time that you get

Unknown: 00:23:39

divorced, you unwind friendships do that were connected to that

Unknown: 00:23:42

relationship, right. And so I was doing that, and, and now she

Unknown: 00:23:45

was just kind of in the beginning stages of unwinding

Unknown: 00:23:48

friendships with the same people, right, because people

Unknown: 00:23:50

take sides. I mean, that doesn't make them bad people, but

Unknown: 00:23:52

generally speaking, folks in a relationship or choose a side,

Unknown: 00:23:56

and in this case, you know, all the people on the other side of

Unknown: 00:23:59

the relationship worked for the same employer. So naturally,

Unknown: 00:24:02

they're seeing each other all the time. And the people who are

Unknown: 00:24:04

not any longer at that employer are naturally not going to be

Unknown: 00:24:07

friends anymore. Like it's just, it's just the way that it should

Unknown: 00:24:10

be. And so she was experiencing that, and I was experiencing

Unknown: 00:24:12

that. And after a period of time, you know, I think she had

Unknown: 00:24:16

been away for about a year doing some business away and then came

Unknown: 00:24:19

back and was looking for a place to rent and, and I think this

Unknown: 00:24:22

was in my second or third year divorce, and I said, Well,

Unknown: 00:24:24

listen, if you want I got a bedroom at my, my duplex if you

Unknown: 00:24:27

want to rent the room. And so we actually moved in together as

Unknown: 00:24:31

roommates in I think two or three years after my divorce

Unknown: 00:24:35

and, and then our friendship blossomed and kind of one thing

Unknown: 00:24:38

led to another and, you know, then we didn't need that spare

Unknown: 00:24:41

bedroom anymore. You know? I don't, I won't. I won't say that

Unknown: 00:24:48

like that, that I didn't have like some sense that that could

Unknown: 00:24:52

be the journey that we took together but I would certainly

Unknown: 00:24:55

not say that I had a vision for us. You know, being madly in

Unknown: 00:24:58

love that That we would get married and have two amazing

Unknown: 00:25:02

kids together. Like, if you ever told me that I could, I couldn't

Unknown: 00:25:05

believe that. But yeah, that was our journey. And it was really

Unknown: 00:25:08

kind of slow. And at the time, neither one of us would want the

Unknown: 00:25:10

children. And I think after a few years, we started having

Unknown: 00:25:14

that conversation. And by then, you know, I wasn't a young guy,

Unknown: 00:25:17

we were well into our 30s. And so yeah, it's just been this

Unknown: 00:25:21

beautiful growth of a friendship and, and evolved into a business

Unknown: 00:25:25

partnership. And, and now, you know, we get to raise our kids

Unknown: 00:25:28

around the scrape business that we've built together. And, you

Unknown: 00:25:32

know, hope that one day, you know, they might like to work

Unknown: 00:25:34

with us. So yeah, time will tell that you.

Unknown: 00:25:39

Wow, that is such a special little story. I didn't expect

Unknown: 00:25:46

that. Like, yeah, a lot of people say, yeah, you have to be

Unknown: 00:25:51

best friends with your partner, it can just be based on

Unknown: 00:25:55

physicality and what not. And this is so beautiful, because

Unknown: 00:26:01

you can totally trust each other, you can totally, yeah, be

Unknown: 00:26:05

authentic and open and don't have to put on a mask. And, and,

Unknown: 00:26:11

yeah, this is very, very powerful.

Unknown: 00:26:17

Mel, yesterday, I'll just close with this, quote, now, you know,

Unknown: 00:26:21

she had grown up kind of differently, like, she didn't

Unknown: 00:26:25

have any of these fears about not being liked, and she was

Unknown: 00:26:27

bullied and didn't give a shit about it, she was like, well,

Unknown: 00:26:30

these other kids have a problem and like her entire life. And so

Unknown: 00:26:33

she had just this much different approach than I did in the way

Unknown: 00:26:36

that she came to the world, you know, like, just not being

Unknown: 00:26:40

concerned with what people thought and not doing the

Unknown: 00:26:43

conventional thing, you know, not following, necessarily

Unknown: 00:26:47

society's expectations of her as a woman. And, and not in some

Unknown: 00:26:52

sort of rude, respectful way. But just in like, she definitely

Unknown: 00:26:56

had her own path. And so for me, to be around somebody like her,

Unknown: 00:27:00

was really different. You know, it was really empowering for me

Unknown: 00:27:03

to see somebody like so uncaring about what people thought and

Unknown: 00:27:06

so, you know, committed to just doing her the best version of

Unknown: 00:27:10

her that she could. And that was, that was really eye

Unknown: 00:27:13

opening. To me, it took me frankly, a long time to learn

Unknown: 00:27:16

those skills. And I would say that I learned a lot of that

Unknown: 00:27:18

from her.

Unknown: 00:27:19

Yeah, yeah, I think it's, it's always important that you can

Unknown: 00:27:23

learn something from your partner that they're kind of

Unknown: 00:27:27

opening up a new world to you. Because if you are on the same

Unknown: 00:27:32

side, then yeah, there's a lot of understanding, and you can

Unknown: 00:27:35

relate to each other. But maybe you will get tired of each other

Unknown: 00:27:39

at some point. And if the person is kind of on the opposite side,

Unknown: 00:27:44

then there's that beautiful little tension that that creates

Unknown: 00:27:49

that attraction and on very subtle levels.

Unknown: 00:27:54

That's

Unknown: 00:27:57

really powerful. Now, if we were to, to inspire and give hope to

Unknown: 00:28:04

people who are still struggling with uncertainty, all that

Unknown: 00:28:09

uncertainty with COVID, what would you recommend? How should

Unknown: 00:28:15

we use this time now? wisely? What would you say is the most

Unknown: 00:28:21

important thing to do right now, when you maybe lost your job,

Unknown: 00:28:25

you have too much time on your side. And don't know really how

Unknown: 00:28:30

to? Yeah, grow in those times, because we feel so restricted,

Unknown: 00:28:37

but I feel you could tell us about how we can still work on

Unknown: 00:28:41

ourselves and create hope within us.

Unknown: 00:28:49

I have a few thoughts. And I'll first say that I fast tracked

Unknown: 00:28:54

through my experienced March, okay, you know, I can say what

Unknown: 00:28:59

the problem was, and that I, you know, I the way to deal with a

Unknown: 00:29:01

good outcome of, you know, me getting to this place? Well, the

Unknown: 00:29:05

truth is, is that it took a lot of work, you know, it wasn't

Unknown: 00:29:08

like, I was scared, scared, scared, and then one day I woke

Unknown: 00:29:11

up and everything was okay. You know, I was scared, scared,

Unknown: 00:29:15

scared for a few weeks, and then just recognize that the best way

Unknown: 00:29:19

for me and many people to, to work out of a, of an emotional

Unknown: 00:29:25

state like that is to is to do the hard work on yourself, you

Unknown: 00:29:29

know, and I've had a pretty practice of self care for

Unknown: 00:29:34

probably the last five or six years and I've always kind of

Unknown: 00:29:36

had a decent practice but nothing like this. And I just

Unknown: 00:29:41

doubled down on it, frankly, you know, I did have some more time

Unknown: 00:29:43

on my hands. And so I committed to a pretty significant workout

Unknown: 00:29:49

regimen and made some very specific goals around my

Unknown: 00:29:52

physical health last year that you know, in other years with

Unknown: 00:29:56

less time wouldn't have been practical, but I thought okay,

Unknown: 00:29:58

listen. I've been At the time, and I know that it'll yield

Unknown: 00:30:03

results psychologically, that will serve me. in other ways, if

Unknown: 00:30:07

I'm really, really focused on my health, you know, eating well

Unknown: 00:30:09

and exercising lots, I just thought, okay, if I can commit

Unknown: 00:30:12

to this one thing, it's something that I can control, I

Unknown: 00:30:15

can do it within the confines of my house. And like most people,

Unknown: 00:30:18

we were locked up a lot. Like we had 16 weeks in quarantine last

Unknown: 00:30:21

year. So, so that was the thing that I did, but that was on top

Unknown: 00:30:24

of, you know, a very regimented early morning practice. Like, it

Unknown: 00:30:29

didn't matter that a lot of times I didn't have to be

Unknown: 00:30:31

anywhere till nine like kids were home, there wasn't a lot of

Unknown: 00:30:33

stress in the morning, I, I still made a point of you know,

Unknown: 00:30:38

getting up for going down to the basement doing my stretches for

Unknown: 00:30:42

15 minutes writing out my gratitude, writing out my

Unknown: 00:30:46

affirmations you know, writing out my goals, both for the near

Unknown: 00:30:50

term in the long term, doing a visioning practice doing a

Unknown: 00:30:54

meditation, practicing in front of my, my blue light, my

Unknown: 00:30:58

satellite, why did all and all that before going to work out

Unknown: 00:31:03

for an hour or an hour and a half, depending on how much time

Unknown: 00:31:06

I had. And then spending time intentionally with my children,

Unknown: 00:31:10

you know, with breakfast, and having some laughs playing a

Unknown: 00:31:12

board game or whatever I thought, you know, this is

Unknown: 00:31:16

always important stuff that I advocate for anybody to do this,

Unknown: 00:31:19

you know, if they want to improve their mental health and

Unknown: 00:31:21

improve their motivation and improve some of the things that

Unknown: 00:31:23

they're attracting in their life. Like, I think these are

Unknown: 00:31:26

paramount. But they were absolutely essential for me in

Unknown: 00:31:30

in recognizing the beauty of my life, and how might be with no

Unknown: 00:31:34

possessions and no income. And, and when like, when you're good,

Unknown: 00:31:40

you're good. Like when you're good, you don't need a car, you

Unknown: 00:31:43

don't need a house, you don't need money in savings. Like when

Unknown: 00:31:46

you're when you're good you can you can be good. And you see

Unknown: 00:31:50

that, like when you look around the planet, and you see the joy

Unknown: 00:31:53

in children's faces who literally have like absolutely

Unknown: 00:31:57

nothing but possibly a shirt on their back. But, you know,

Unknown: 00:32:01

infant playing little games with balls and sticks and, and you

Unknown: 00:32:05

see other people with significantly less than you and

Unknown: 00:32:07

just a lot of joy and, and care in their hearts, you know,

Unknown: 00:32:12

you're reminded that listen, like, we just live such a

Unknown: 00:32:14

blessed life that we take most of it for granted. And, and I

Unknown: 00:32:17

think through that journey, and through that practice, I was

Unknown: 00:32:20

able to get back to basics a little bit more. And that's

Unknown: 00:32:22

helped me show up better, I think this year. And this has

Unknown: 00:32:25

been one of my best years from a personal growth standpoint. I

Unknown: 00:32:28

think ever frankly. And I think it's because I kind of had a bit

Unknown: 00:32:33

of a reset, you know, I did say there's nothing say it's just

Unknown: 00:32:39

you How would you be well, I'd eat really well. I'd exercise

Unknown: 00:32:43

loss i'd focus on my mental health and I will try to be the

Unknown: 00:32:45

best person I could and love everybody.

Unknown: 00:32:49

Beautiful. What a powerful ending, closing and and yeah,

Unknown: 00:32:56

this is

Unknown: 00:32:57

my shirt. So this is why I've got these new work shirts. I'm

Unknown: 00:32:59

wearing this shirt every day now.

Unknown: 00:33:01

Yes, and I screenshot of this. I'm gonna take a screenshot for

Unknown: 00:33:06

the people out there. Yes, we need to see that shared

Unknown: 00:33:15

coordinate. Thank you endlessly for your time today and for

Unknown: 00:33:20

opening up so much. Like it was so valuable. We brought a lot of

Unknown: 00:33:26

Yeah, light and hope out into the world. And yeah, I'm very

Unknown: 00:33:31

excited to share this episode. And I was very excited to get to

Unknown: 00:33:37

know you a little better. And yeah, so much.

Unknown: 00:33:41

Yeah, this has been a real joy for me as well. And I would love

Unknown: 00:33:45

to sit down with you once, things relax a little bit and we

Unknown: 00:33:48

can have a cup of coffee together and, and do this again

Unknown: 00:33:52

sometime. So thank you for having me. It was a pleasure to

Unknown: 00:33:54

chat with you.

Unknown: 00:33:56

Thank you so much for listening to this interview. It is really

Unknown: 00:33:59

important for me that Yeah, you make your own conclusions, but

Unknown: 00:34:04

ultimately feel inspired and feel. Yeah, that you're not

Unknown: 00:34:09

alone. If you're going through mess right now, if you're going

Unknown: 00:34:12

through pain, know that one day, it might all make sense. It

Unknown: 00:34:17

might all look very different than it feels right now. So

Unknown: 00:34:22

never give up and know that the universe has your back or God

Unknown: 00:34:28

has your back or yourself. You have your back. And if you need

Unknown: 00:34:36

help reach out for help. We are not professionals here. We're

Unknown: 00:34:41

just people who went through stuff, but can talk but there's

Unknown: 00:34:46

excellent counselors out there who can help you out if you feel

Unknown: 00:34:51

hopeless, and powerless. Thank you so much for listening. And

Unknown: 00:34:57

if you feel like taking some time aside Just a couple minutes

Unknown: 00:35:01

leave us a review on Apple podcast. It would mean the world

Unknown: 00:35:07

to us. Thank you so much, and have a good rest of your day.